#allyship

[mangedog]

this is a way better model... you'll still get transphobic & intersexist drs of course but i prefer this to male / female or even having separate questions for gender & sex.

[we can't see the full form, but i'd suggest having a "something else" option and dominant hormone question too.]

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

[ryanjudgesthings]

There's a mistake I see a lot of people in the mental health community make and in all honesty, it's one I've made myself. But I think we should really work on it. And that's saying "if this were a physical illness, wouldn't you care?"

I've learned that no actually, people wouldn't care. Katelyn Weinstein (theADHDprincess on Twitter) is a neurodiversity acceptance activist who really put this in perspective for me. She said that it's actually more an issue of longevity than physical vs mental health.

If you're having a bad day people will generally be understanding. But when you're experiencing chronic depression and you have many bad days people lose sympathy.

In the same respect people may be understanding when you've broken a bone that will heal properly or when you have a cold that will go away soon in ways they simply won't understand when you have chronic pain or need to use a wheelchair. They may send chicken soup for a temporary situation, but when you need consistent accomodations it's an entirely different story.

I understand that from our perspective it looks like people care more about physical health than mental health, but it's good to remember that our own perspective is also limiting. Facing ableism doesn't mean you can't be ableist. And I know so many people are not ill-intentioned when they say this. I know I wasn't. But we can't discount the lived experiences of physically disabled people. If we want true equality we need to be united and we need to listen to those with physical disabilities and illnesses. And those with physical disabilities and illnesses (some of which are also invisible) have said that they are not given proper accomodations either.

So let's be united and fight for equality and accomodations for everyone, no matter what their illness or disability may be.

[macmanx]

FYI

Learn more:

[will-o-the-witch]

It is much easier to hate nazis and conspiracy theorists than it is to love Jews.

It is much easier to puff out your chest against a hypothetical, obvious villain than it is to help the real people they exploit.

I gently challenge allies to ask themselves today: "Where am I directing my energy? Am I putting in the work to show the world how much I hate nazis, or am I putting in the work to uplift Jews and Jewish voices?"

[queer-for-science]

One of my closest friends I aroace, and he's talked to me about the experience of being made to feel like he's missing out on something or getting left behind in a way when his loved ones enter romantic relationships. But it really hit home for me how much he deals with and expects this recently when I started dating someone new after being single for a few months and I wanted to share.

During the months I was single, we got a lot closer and we both relied on each other more to have our needs for love fulfilled. For example, we both have physical touch as a primary love language, so we did a lot of platonic physical affection and cuddling. We became main supports in each other's lives even more than before. But the day I told my friend about my new partner and my friend met him, he seemed to kind of instantly back off a bit. He and my partner get along really, really well too. He mentioned that he didnt expect my partner and I to make the hour drive to visit him as often because "it's not like the nature of y'alls relationship". I'm having difficulty explaining, but it was apparent that my friend expected to be taking a back seat to this new relationship in my life despite the fact that I know my friend way better and that broke my heart a bit. I immediately thought, how many times has he had to deal with that? How many beloved friends has he lost to this situation? That must be so horrible to go through! I still very much consider him one of my closest supports and while I know it would never be a necessary choice I would absolutely choose him over a partner I haven't had nearly as much time with. I really want to find a way to tell him that he isn't any less of a priority to me just because I'm not single anymore and I think it's important for us alloromantics to remind our aro and aroace friends of things like that. It's even more important to stick to that statement and show them we mean it.

My aroace friends, you deserve people in your life that prioritize you and engage in the kinds of intimacy you need. You deserve just as much closeness and love as anyone else and you will find it if thats what you want. You don't deserve being put on the back burner when your loved ones get into new romantic relationships and it's really shitty that so many people do that.

[sunbeamedskies]

People on here spreading propaganda that the Iranian government is good...stop.

You are hurting Iranians, Jews, Muslims, Arabs, and more.

The Iranian government does not give a fuck about Palestine. All they are interested in is spreading their power and influence across the Middle East. They even hurled missiles at Al-Aqsa Mosque, which potentially could have destroyed or damaged it if the Iron Dome didn't exist. The only seriously injured victim in Israel was a 7 year old Muslim Bedouin girl. Many Arab countries understand how dangerous the Iranian government is and intercepted some of their missiles.

Iranians have been screaming at the top of their lungs that they don't want war and they are tortured and murdered by their government, but your desire to view the Middle East as a sports match makes you want to root for anyone who is against Israel. The Iranian government literally hosted a Holocaust denial convention in 2006 which included David Duke, one of the former leaders of the KKK. They are not against the Israeli government for the right reasons, but for antisemitic ones. The growing antisemitism in Iran due to their rule drove out thousands of Iranian Jews, many whose only option was to move to Israel.

Please do research before spewing ignorant bullshit that harms everyone. There is no shame in admitting you were misinformed. Peoples' lives are worth more than your bruised ego.

[willtheweirdrat]

Hey. Cis allies. Next time, instead of going on an hour-long argument with a stranger about trans rights, buy your trans friend lunch. Give them a compliment. Hug them. Hang out together. Have fun.

Trust me, trans people benefit far more from a kind gesture towards them than seeing transphobia over and over, even if you're fighting against it.

[elder-millennial-of-zion]

On this New Years, I really want to thank every non-Jewish ally who has stood up for us ever since October 7.

Every non-Jew who has posted in support of Jews on your blog, a comment in the replies of our posts, or even just a like. Every tiny gesture matters, because even the tiniest shows of support for us can get you a lot of backlash, and I know it has. You’ve gone out of your way to help us when you don’t have to, during a time when it’s costing you the most and when the whole world is vilifying you for it.

We will never forget who abandoned and betrayed us since October 7. But we will never forget who stepped up for us either; who protected us, who argued on our behalf when we were too traumatized and exhausted to do it ourselves.

Years from now when everyone will claim that they totally stood in solidarity with the Jews when it wasn’t cool, you’ll know that you actually did. And so will I.

Happy new year!

[edenfenixblogs]

Non-Jewish friends of Jews, a question:

There is something I fundamentally do not understand about your behavior right now. No, I am not currently talking to the non-Jewish friends who have made it clear that they consider anything less than a call for the destruction of Israel and the displacement of Israeli Jews to be an evil secret Zionist. I understand you. Your position is clear.

I am asking specifically about the friends who say that they are in the Free Palestine movement but also that they support their Jewish friends and that they do not want harm to come to Jewish people in Israel or abroad.

Genuine actual question: how?

How have you been there for your Jewish friends? How have you supported them? How recently have you spoken to them? After sending an initial message of support, have you continued to check in on them? Have you asked if your action might be harmful to the Jewish community at large or to them personally? Do you respond to messages or posts they make about their experiences of antisemitism? Or do you ignore their messages on this topic? Do you talk to them about any topic?Have you distance yourself from them? Do you think they’ve noticed your distance? If you signal your support for Palestine with flags or watermelon, how do you signal that you are also safe for Jewish people to be around? Do you want other people to know you’re safe for Jewish people to be around? Why or why not?

Do you care that Jews in your life may be afraid of you personally? Why or why not? Is your response to these questions to explain that Palestinian pain is very important and requires attention right now? Do you believe the Jews in your life disagree with this? Or do you think Jews can hold pain for Palestine in their hearts and prayers and actions while also fearing a rise in antisemitism? What assumptions are you making about the Jewish people you know personally and the Jewish community in general?

[notabled-noodle]

when someone discloses a mental health condition or neurodivergence to you, saying “it doesn’t matter to me” is probably not the best response.

I understand that you’re trying to communicate that you don’t see the person any different because of their disorder… but it can come across as incredibly dismissive, and it shuts down further conversations.

instead, try things like “thanks for telling me”, and “is there anything you need me to change about our relationship?”. take the lead from the other person, and try your best to be patient and respectful. the way people react when we disclose our disorders really does make a world of difference

[sleepanonymous]

I wanted to post this here because it's very important to signal boost things like this, no matter how small of a gesture they seem.

[decolonize-the-left]

WW3 will be white supremacists vs everyone else.

Not a singular Western country in support of Israel is innocent of colonization, war crimes, treaty violations, or having white supremacists in politics.

Each one of them has been ignoring protests and strikes in their own countries for human rights and protections. Human rights and protections that have thus far been denied btw. Meanwhile they give themselves raises and protections against protesters and so called "terrorists." They inflate military budgets while their people grow more agitated and they don't care.

Not a single one of them have a thriving, happy people.

Historically they've been awful for Black, indigenous, and immigrant populations despite many of their countries being founded on immigration. And even in modern times all of them currently have trials going on to combat state violence such as genocide, rights violations, or police brutality.

None of them have ever been paragons of human rights. None of them represent the world's moral compass least of all Germany.

So why and how is it that you can look at the USA and German support of Israel and your thought is "finally!" instead of seeing a red flag.

White supremacists are teaming up in a Big way.

And this time they're letting white Jewish people count as white which seems to have short-circuited ur brains so let me remind y'all that Nazis hate Jewish people but not every white suprmacist is a Nazi. And white supremacists have a long history of providing white Jewish people with conditional white privileges

For example here in the USA while white men who owned some land could vote, the same could not be said of white Jewish people who were barred from it in some colonies by language that stated you needed to accept Jesus as your savior. But white Jewish ppl could vote & could own land elsewhere when Black and native communities couldn't do that anywhere at all.

White supremacists exploiting white Jewish people for their vote or political support is nothing new and continues to be no surprise.

We can look at Trump's attempt to do exactly that as recently as 2019. We know he isn't an ally of any Jewish person anywhere and yet here he is trying to get right-wingers hyped up with virtue signaling.

The same article addressed how this right wing rhetoric and trying to incite it among Republicans is itself antisemitic and careless.

The past 24 hours have cemented President Donald Trump's reputation as America's "racist in chief." After tweeting a hateful diatribe about how four Democratic congresswomen of color should "go back" to where they came from, the President attempted to justify his racism with accusations that these members of Congress are anti-Israel. On Monday morning, he tweeted that these lawmakers "have made Israel feel abandoned by the U.S." and cited South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, who called them all "anti-America" and "anti-Semitic."

[...]And despite his feigning concern about anti-Semitism, nearly three-quarters of Jews feel less secure than they did two years ago and the majority of Jews attribute their rising insecurity to Trump's policies. More specifically, many are concerned about Trump encouraging right-wing extremism and Republicans tolerating white nationalism within their ranks. In fact, according to a March Gallup poll, more than 70% of Jews continue to disapprove of Trump and only 16% now identify as Republicans.

....then Biden supported a fucking genocide in the name of trying to establish a safe place for Jewish people. When we all know his interest is actually oil in the middle east.

There is no fucking way either of them or the USA cares about any Jewish people or had their best interest in mind.

So that entire argument aside....

We can't keep letting white supremacists play these identity politic games and turning us on each other so we're keeping each other oppressed instead of helping each other be free.

Right now there are white queer people in my asks calling me (an Ojibwe) a Russian psyop for not wanting to vote blue.

That's the shit I'm talking about.

At the end of the day I don't want anyone except white supremacy and white supremacists to be decimated. I want a liberated and free people all over the globe.

Is that what you want too?

Then we have got to start focusing on the big picture. You are not my enemy and I am not yours. Our enemies are the same and they are unified.

We should be too.

International solidarity against white supremacy for the first time, for forever.

[drakkensystem]

Hey, pro tip for allies of marginalized groups(any kind of marginalized group, queer, disability, race- anything)

If someone is describing how they had a sucky experience bc of whatever marginalized group they're a part of- that is not the time to say something like "oh I've never had that problem!" Or "this solution always fixed it for me!"

Maybe your intentions are good. Like, genuinely trying to help.

But what comes across is; I, as an ally, know more about this problem that you, the marginalized person, have experienced.

Or maybe your intentions were more

"I will feel good after helping this poor marginalized person, which should be easy, bc that problem never was a big deal for me!"

than you consciously realized.

PS one thing all allies ought to educate themselves on is which problems are the kind of problems where it's best to offer sympathy and a listening ear, and move on, versus which ones you can use your privilege to help with. There's a difference between venting about a problem vs actually seeking help and support.

[abracazabka]

In sophomore Spanish, there was a trans guy in our class. I want to tell a story about him.

The teacher just really seemed to target him. She always deadnamed him, always referred to him with feminine language, always, always used him as an example during lessons so as to misgender him. It was awful, but. But.

Nobody in class fell for that shit.

We all referred to him correctly in Spanish, even the kids who did not give a shit about learning the language. It was aggressive allyship in that classroom and it pissed off my transphobic teacher to no end.

If paired with him, we wrote masculine words on our work. We all did. She couldn't mark down all of us. And God knows I was a nerd, so if she marked me down, I would have made a scene.

I was willing to make a scene for him, and so was just about everyone else in the class, despite him not being great friends with anyone, or even talking very much. It didn't matter; it was the principle of the thing, it was his human rights.

We all told her to fuck off without using said words, despite the clear power she had over us. So, the moral of the story for students, especially high school students, is:

Protect your peers. There are more of you than there are of your asshole educator. Trans folks don't need to be your friends for you to stand up for them, quietly or loudly.

Teenagers/students tend to follow the leader; so be a leader, and don't take shit from adults/instructors who would use their power over you to disrespect you, and to degrade you. Don't let them do that to your peers.

You can have an army of sixteen year old allies from all walks of life if you (within reason and safely) take a stand. Don't lose hope, and don't lose agency.

[akajustmerry]

WGA writer and director, Nerris Nassiri shared this Google spreadsheet that includes resources and advice for how to support WGA members, either with time or money or resources like food and water, while they're striking. Share it around!