#ISTG SOMEONE HEADCANONED THIS ALREADY BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIND IT

[youphoriaot7]

CELLBIT!

The global chat somehow seems even more frantic than usual this afternoon, and he blinks blearily at the messages rocketing across the screen. The tell-tale red blinking dot of notifications is practically going haywire: private chats from Pac and Bagi, calls from Philza and Bad, messages mentioning him from Fit, Pierre, Tubbo, Baghera—

This feels like a lot, even for an average Wednesday.

Cellbit: Okay, okay, hold on. I'm on my way to spawn now.

Strapping the communicator to his arm, Cellbit tugs his jacket on as he makes his way towards the waypoint across the bridge. He's just barely awake, but something is pulling at his insides: wrong, wrong, wrong.

He wasn't out for that long. What could have possibly happened?

Taking a deep breath, his hands slide across the polished stone surface of the waypoint, and in moments, he's arrived at the main square.

Immediately, there's a barrage of voices that hit his ears. Instinctively pressing a hand to his forehead, he pushes his way out of the subway, staring in disbelief at the large gathering of people in the main square.

Bagi spots him first, quickly yanking him to the side, yelling in her traditional rapid-fire Portuguese. At the same time, he can see Pac talking to Bad nearby, the two of them clearly upset—he knows both of them well enough to see something is wrong.

Tubbo catches sight of him next, and at that point, the jig is up. Whatever Bagi had been trying to tell him is instantly drowned out by the younger's typical loud tone—which immediately catches everyone else's attention as well. Fit grabs the back of Tubbo's apron to yank him backwards towards him and Phil, who stands there shaking his head with arms crossed, but it's already too late: the damage is done.

Pierre is shouting greetings to him in his typical joyous manner, which doesn't seem to match the rest of the group's energy. Baghera seems somewhat frantic, frustrated and upset as she tugs on his arm. Cellbit manages to catch his husband's eye from across the square where he's chatting with a hyperactive Foolish, and Roier simply gives him a sympathetic look.

...something bad has happened.

Everyone is talking at once, and Cellbit rubs a hand to his temples as he tries (in vain) to quiet the group. Only some words ever catch his attention through the wide chorus of voices—"Nether," "worry," and the increasingly common cries of "what are we going to do?"

"Alright, alright, calm down!"

Eventually, with Bagi's help, he's able to get everyone to at least lower their voices, if not stop completely. Instinctively, Cellbit glances towards her and Pac, praying they know enough to clue him in. When he catches Pac's eye, however, the other man looks horrified, gaze locked on a spot in mid-air just behind Cellbit. Cellbit sighs, opening his mouth to speak—

"Good morning, Mr. President."

He can practically feel the blood drain from his face as he slowly looks over his shoulder. Sure enough, there looms Cucurucho, the damn white fucker staring straight at him with that hideous, frozen smile.

"...what did you say?" Cellbit questions, voice light-years steadier than he feels.

The bear doesn't move, repeating its words. "Good morning, Mr. President."

The square is so quiet, you could hear a screw drop. Silently, Cellbit glances back at Bagi and Pac. The woman has a look of sorrow written across her face, whereas Pac's fists are clenched in a show of barely restrained anger. "...wheres Forever?" Cellbit asks softly.

Bagi opens her mouth to reply—

"Classified."

Cellbit's eyes snap back to the bear. "I didn't ask you," he responds evenly—and he can hear a snort of pleasure from where Tubbo stands, even despite Phil's hand slapped over his mouth and Fit's hissed shush. "Bagi?"

"We think he went to the Nether," she responds, voice somewhat hoarse as she glances at him.

Pac nods. "He said it was a mission." His eyes slide to Cucurucho.

He doesn't need to continue.

Cellbit takes a deep breath.

...he has a lot to do.

[lordfreg]

Helloooo :>

I saw your B&B dating headcanons and I was wondering if you could do hc’s for B&B Donnie? You totally don’t have to if you don’t want to though ❤️

Thank youuu!

Omgggg yesss sorry I have been meaning to post a lot of hcs but I am too eepy

taging some people who might want to see this: @hypocriticaltypwriter @sweaterrat @doodle88

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good

-Don would literally do ANYTHING for you

-New tire? Don't worry about it. Something fixed? Already on top of it. Need emergency cuddles? On his way.

-He's also exactly 6" 1' so that has some ups and downs. If you're taller, he'd still INSIST on big big spoon.

-Once you break his icy exterior, he will 100% committed to you!

-He'll give you lots of gifts and things; mostly adhering to your needs, but the thought is still there

-He'll even cook for you! He may not be very good at it, but he'll try. Just for you.

-He'll try and participate in any and all sports you seemed intrested in. He'll take time to learn and game would want to play

-If you have something you want to learn, he'll find out EVERYTHING about it and explain it to you in a way that you can understand

-This dude is SUPER trustworthy; he values nothing higher then his family, and you're apart of that. He'll protect you at any cost, including his own life

-Although he's not one for a lot of physical attention, he'll definitely ignore his own needs for yours. If you need hugs and kisses he'll be right there!

-He'll do a lot of stuff for you too! Like, take you out on dates under the cover of darkness, he'll take you out to nice, romantic places and constantly flood you with praise and appreciation! Because, in all honesty, you deserve it💖

The Bad

-Donnie is a really busy dude, so he might not have a lot of time for you :(

-He's really blunt and might not phrase things so well. (He sucks at English too-)

-Between being the group's ONLY tech support, he's also stuck being a babysitter to Raph and Mikey. So there's a lot of stress.

-More prone to act out or yell at you. He'll apologize and say he was wrong but he still yelled and it still kinda hurt.

-Bro blames himself for everything (he gets it from leo istg) and is always emotionally a mess.

-He also really isn't the empathetic type, who when it comes down to a moral or emotional problem; he'll choose the most logical option

-Donnie doesn't get out much (i don't know why he would ever need too) so he's somewhat for a hermit. So if you like taking long walks and stuff like that, he's gonna ask "Can we do that virtually?"

-also, HE CANNOT SOCIALIZE. Like, he just can't. He doesn't know to to speak, and just talking to people has him as a nervous wreck. That's also why he doesn't have a lot of friends

-He'll definitely try and talk to you ONLY online, he hates how he looks and would actually die if you asked to video call or look at a picture of him

-Again, not a lot of time, so he'll try and make it up to you with some "appreciation time."

The Ugly

-Donnie will, unfortunately, cyberstalk you. You're his new hyperfixation! He needs to find everything out about you! (Note; he doesn't entirely realize how creepy that actually is-)

-He'll track your IP address if you ask/post something anonymously

-He'll always try and watch you somehow, either via your internet browser or your camera, he'll always be watching (it's out of love tho!!)

-He'll also ask to get a lot of pictures of you, even if you don't want too. He'll make a huge collage of just pictures of you and have it hanging in his lab.

-Don will gaslight and manipulate you, but he doesn't realize he's doing it until someone points it out. He'll say things like "If you love me, you'll do this." and "You wouldn't do that to me, that'll break my heart!"

[kira-fluff]

Hi there! And congrats for your graduation! I am really happy for you and I hope lots of beautiful things await you in the future. I am that anon who wrote you about a month ago, by the way... I am very sorry, I really didn't want to make you wait, it's just been a bit of a rough period and I've been feeling a little down, but now I am better :) May I ask for some platonic Jumin/MC headcanons in which they are best friends? I love him, just not in a romantic way. Thank you so, so much again. <3

a/n: you are such a sweetheart :') anything for you <3 i just moved so that's why i've been seemingly MIA. thank you for the well wishes. i wish you all good things as well. p.s. - i'm back babes <3 i'm going on an all-family-required trip in a week or so but I plan to write during the long trip that i'm already mentally preparing for. may or may not be uploading from hotels lol. // kira-chan

Platonic!Jumin x MC Headcanons

alright so let me just begin by saying you two would be absolutely adorable

i can just imagine your dorky little snorts at jumin's sarcastic expressions

you know the thing when someone does something really stupid and he's just like " - _ - "

i firmly believe the friendship between you two would strive for both of you to be better people

like, i think your influence on jumin would make him realize he really needs to recognize his worker's needs and accommodate for them both professionally and morally.

jaehee says thank you <3

as well as yourself

jumin is definitely the friend who teaches you to savor the good moments

like this man is a GOD at stress management

when you find yourself starting to get worked up, he would be there in an instant

"MC, it'll be alright. Let yourself feel what you need to feel right now, but know those feelings cannot control you."

who says jumin isn't a cuddler.

like ok maybe he doesn't look like a stuffed, fluffy bear but lemme tell you

MOVIE NIGHTS TOGETHER..??? Y E S

but he'd also sorta ruin movie nights with his obsession with logical reasoning lmao

"there is absolutely no way that bus would roll off a small vehicle without crushing it."

"jumin it's Fast and Furious let it go."

*pauses the movie again to complain about the amount of 'oil' on The Rock's body*

don't hate me i'm trying to think of the worst movie that you could possibly choose to watch with him

i can't even fathom jumin's reactions to Guy Fieri PFFT WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN

you tease him for his bs attempts to sherlock movies

sitting together watching a movie with a blanket draped around both of you

and he's so tall that he'd be such a blanket-hogger too

jumin is the mom friend through and through

you've entrusted him with your like 9 spare keys because you keep losing them

and then losing your spare key

and then one time you lost your spare spare key

so yeah he keeps one on him at all times

that one time you got totally wasted, it was jumin who received your texts riddled with errors

and of course he was the one that insisted on driving you home that night, not trusting you'd make it to your front door even if you took a cab

and let's face it, you probably wouldn't have.

he also takes blurry yet still completely embarrassing photos of you

"what i thought that one of you looked good"

"DELETE IT NOW, JUMIN."

how is it that someone can be so smart and stupid at the same time?

i say he's the mom friend yet he is also a designated airhead when it comes to anything digital

so basically the ultimate mom friend because like have you ever a mom who actually knows how to work technology

the type to get mad if you don't know where you wanna go eat but it's because he doesn't like fast food lol

if you call him something sappy like "bestie" he will saying to the effect of "that's cringe" but secretly he's like "awe bestie"

will remember the little things istg

like your favorite movie is the unappreciated "Atlantis"?

he is extra as hell so bday prezzie would be a casual trip to disney

bc come on that's not even pocket change for him

but mostly he wants you to think he's the best friend you've ever had

i'm imagining you've been friends since high school (assuming he didn't grow up on private tutors)

back then, i imagine he was very anti-social

even V couldn't bring him out of his shell at school

it was your brightness that thawed his seemingly cool exterior

he'd listen to you as you rambled on and on about this book you'd been reading

or perhaps he'd chat himself about some of his random cat photos he'd gotten from V

sometimes you'd take pictures of cats while walking to school to show to him later

like it was the highlight of his week

you became friends mostly (besides the fact that jumin just likes your company) because he never forced him to do anything he didn't want to do

it was so important to him to make his own choices because he lost that ability so many times in his life.

jumin didn't have a say when his father and mother divorced

from seven years old til then, he never felt like he truly had a voice

so when you'd listen to him even if someone else interrupted him..it meant something to him

he wasn't shy, per-say, just reserved.. distant.

when jumin decides someone is his friend, it's very hard for him to ever let go -- he's fiercely loyal.

above all, he's grateful to you for staying by his side and continuing to care for him even now. <3

[isoldmysoultojonahclemence]

Clemence Father

JONAH’S ROUTE JUST CAME OUT ON IKEREV TW AND I’M ON PART 12 AND I RLLY WANNA CAUSE SERIOUS BODILY HARM TO JONAH AND LUKA’S FATHER RN. I TALKED ABOUT HIM BEFORE ON LUKA’S EVER AFTER POST HERE BUT NOW IMMA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BC BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE’S AN EVEN BIGGER ASSHOLE IN JONAH’S ROUTE.

BUT ANYWAYS HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED.

SPOILERS FOR JONAH’S EVER AFTER UNDER THE CUT

(ps the screenshots all have that orange recording button bc i want to look at them without having to go through the entire route again. sorry if they’re kinda annoying!)

Aight, so Jonah proposed to MC (well, he kinda just announced that MC is his fiancee from now on but whatever), and he decided to bring her to the Clemence house for this party to meet the family. Luka was there as well, standing in a corner. MC kinda wanted to join him in the corner as well, but Jonah dragged her off to meet his relatives. But they all seemed to dislike MC because she’s not from a good background.

Then, this dude enters the scene:

[Translation:

A dignified-looking man walked over here, looking at me, who is standing by Jonah, in surprise.]

And then, when Jonah goes to introduce MC as his fiancee, his father cuts him off by saying that he never heard of Jonah having a fiancee before. Like, Jonah was in the middle of a super serious and sincere introduction and his father just interrupted like that in a super cold voice. I was already starting to dislike him at this point, but I didn’t wanna fight him just yet.

Also, here’s something that kinda surprised me:

[Translation:

(His looks seemed to be similar to Luka’s, but his disposition...

(It seemed to be 50 times scarier than Jonah when I first met him...)]

I found it kinda weird how Luka actually took after him in terms of looks more than Jonah did??? Like, my original headcanon was that Luka didn’t actually look very similar to his father, which could be part of why he was ignored so much, but I guess he was ignored even when he looks like his father. Ouch.

Also, whenever the Clemence father makes an appearance, the thing that MC talks about the most is how scary/stern his disposition is. He must be someone really ruthless to warrant that kind of description.

After that, his father goes on to guess that Jonah had made the decision to bring MC without consulting anyone in his family because he knew that his decision would be opposed. I suppose that Jonah’s father does know him quite well, but it actually unsettles me more, because he seems to have no regard for the effect he has on his sons. Like, Jonah literally had to fight to keep his head up under such pressure.

So Jonah goes on to explain why he chose not to tell anyone about it, but his father interrupts him AGAIN with this huge speech about how the Clemence bloodline cannot be mixed with a bloodline of unknown origins. They have kept his tradition for hundreds of years, and that every single heir has accepted this fact and chose to marry someone of high social standing. 

Jonah, naturally, was pretty angry, and told his father that he has gone too far. But guess what? This dude ignores him YET AGAIN and tries to convince MC to marry Levie instead of Jonah. Seriously. No wonder Jonah never listens to anyone else if this was the role model he had. I’m really starting to grit my teeth at this point.

Also, something concerning is how Jonah’s father knew that Levie is after MC, since that was classified information. Jonah confronts him about him, but he brushes it off by saying that he was the former Queen of Hearts and he has all the information sources he need. I wonder how powerful he was when he was Queen if he was still so influential in his retirement. And yeah, he totally strikes me as the sort of guy who would order Claudius to assassinate people...

But anyways, Jonah’s father tells him that he’ll pretend as if he heard nothing and walks off, even though Jonah tried to tell him that he wasn’t finished yet. What a guy.

Jonah leaves MC with Luka and goes after his father. Luka takes MC to his room and tells her something really sweet. He tells her that to trust “that guy” (Jonah) and to wait for him, which really showed his reliance on his older brother. Like, even though he rejects Jonah a lot and avoids him, deep down inside he still believes in Jonah. 

And after a few parts we get a flashback where Jonah recalls the conversation he had with his father after he goes after him, and this is where my blood starts boiling.

So the Clemence father reminds Jonah, in a pretty harsh way, that when he had rejected marriage alliances in the past, he has always said that he’ll find someone better. He then goes on to call MC “that kind of person” (as in, a person of low birth and social standing), and Jonah gets pretty mad at him for that:

[Translation:

Jonah: Even if you’re my father, I cannot allow you to call her “that kind of person”...!

Clemence Patriarch: Don’t change the topic!

Hearing his father’s roar of fury, Jonah wasn’t scared in the slightest, and instead glared fierily back at him.]

I find it kinda interesting how the game refers to Jonah and Luka’s father as “the Clemence Patriarch” instead of “Clemence Father” or something. That would probably make more sense, because the term “Patriarch” can refer to a grandfather, an uncle, a cousin, etc., not necessarily a father. But I guess this highlights how his identity as a patriarch is prioritized before his identity as a father.

And then this scene happens:

[Translation:

Clemence Patriarch: Whatever you say! There is nothing more to say, get out. 

Clemence Patriarch: In order to prevent the failure of the first, we still have a second.

Clemence Patriarch: I will disown you as my son, and make Luka the heir of the family, and then he’ll be the one to marry a high-born noble lady.]

DUDE WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT??????????? YOU CAN’T JUST DECIDE THAT YOUR SON IS A FAILURE WHEN HE DOES ONE (1) THING AGAINST YOUR WILL AND TOSS HIM OUT AND MAKE YOUR OTHER SON THE HEIR???????????????????

Honestly he makes Jonah and Luka sound so expendable, and that’s really not okay. They’re human beings, his own SONS, not an object to be thrown away when it served its use. Like, if I had any doubts about why Luka left his family before, this scene just explained everything. Who would want this guy as their parent????? 

And of course, as the best nii-sama in the world, Jonah caves.

[Translation:

Even though he wanted to follow through with his own ideals, he couldn’t let his important brother, Luka, be sacrificed.

Not only would Luka have to bear the burden as the heir, a burden that he has been bearing for many years, 

And he would marry some lady who he has never met before, this absolutely cannot happen!

Jonah: Just this one thing...please don’t do it.

Jonah could only bend to his father’s will.]

JONAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY POOR BBY LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

He’s literally in an impossible position right now. If he wants to marry the love of his life, he would have a sacrifice his precious brother, and if he wants to protect his brother, he would have to sacrifice his fiancee. If he wants to keep them both safe, then the only real solution would be to leave the Clemence family.

Come on, Cybird. Y’all made him turn against the Red Army in his original route and now you’re making him turn against his family now??? When will the torture for Jonah and his stans ever end??????????

And here’s a few other lines from the Clemence Patriarch to disgust you:

[Translation:

Clemence Patriach: I am a generous and maganimous person.

Clemence Patriach: As long as the Clemence bloodline is protected, I don’t care if the heir is you or Luka.]

......I literally have nothing else to say.

Istg this dude is the worst parent in the Red Army, and the Red Army is already brimming with awful parenting skills. Lancelot’s father pretty much neglected him and Edgar’s uncle straight-up abused him, but you could still tell that they cared about their sons in their own little twisted ways. Lancelot’s father eqipped him with all the skills he would need to be King, and Claudius took all responsibility for the Bright family business in the end, protecting Edgar. And then we have the Clemence father who’s all like: i MaDE TwO kIDS foR a reASoN anD ThAt iS To HAVE ONE OF THEM REPLACE THE OTHER/USING ONE OF THEM TO THREATEN THE OTHER IF THEY MESS UP. ALSO NEITHER OF THEM MATTERS APPARENTLY BC THEY’RE BOTH JUST TOOLS FOR CARRYING ON THE BLOODLINE.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.

I get that this is only part 12 and he’s probably going to have a redemption scene or at least some whitewashing at the end, but STILL. I really, really, really, really, really don’t like Jonah and Luka’s father.