#ITS NOW 4:00AM I WAS UP FOR AN HOUR JUST TYPING THIS SHIT

[humansun]

karma is my BF.

Written Friday, July 28th, 2023 at 11:30AM

Good morning! It’s freaking Friday. Which means. The week is over, and we have accomplished a lot. 

Written Sunday, July 29th, 2023 at 12:29AM

Hi.

I’m dead right now.

Updates/thoughts:

Don’t overbook yourself aka only one major activity per weekend if you could help it. 

Betty, you give a lot of time to other people. You need to give more time to yourself because you’re that important and you have things to achieve.

You can love people but not want to hang out with them until the next 6 months.

I’m fucking tired

If you’re hanging out with friends until 2am and you want to leave, then leave. Don’t stay until 4:00am bc that will become 4:15am and 4:!5am will become 4:30 and next thing you know you’re not in bed until 5:!5am

Sleep is just as important as your workouts and meals and water. Get your 7.5+ hours

Be critical with how you decide to spend your time and energy. You only have one life to live.

Omg this one really got me - fuckennn so you know how in society people don’t really value other people unless they seem to have tangible success? So they’ll look down at someone who’s working a blue-collar job for example. It’s so weird - half the conversations I’m having with people are about valuing life and being free and doing what we should, which is so real, but at the same time a majority of the perspectives out there really value millionaires and shit

It doesn’t necessarily make me shift my own values because I don’t think my values at this point would be changing too much from what they are about

However it does make me think about how i could survive in a world like this. Just thinking about all the strikes, the instability of the work, the potential idealism I may be playing into with everything I’m doing. I don’t know it’s a lot

The type of content I’d like to produce is the type that gives people food for thought, space to question aspects of their lives including themselves, highlight the truths of our world like diversity, and to increase awareness (thought about this one in the shower)

I’m grateful for friends who get me and love me because I get them and I love them

Things we talked about included gatekeeping, being aware of our previous actions and behaviors that may not have served us/our community, social media, They cloned tyrone

Learning is important to me because the more I learn the more I know about things that are beneficial to me and from that I will better my life because of it so why would I not want to learn?

Ultimately every single day on Earth I want to be a better person and I want to continue to have a rich, full, and happy life

To do this I want to recognize my frustrations of the day are from my overbooking in my schedule, probably subconsciously wanting to please other people, and lastly my period/the heat. And that is valid. All of my feelings are valid and its important to remember that:

It will not be like this forever/these feelings are temporary

In every part of our journey we will find that we will slip up or things fall into place in a weird way but it absolutely does not mean we are failing. We are readjusting and learning everyday

Taking the time to learn about myself, my thoughts, my behavior, my feelings, my family, friends, parter, ancestors, culture, community, city, neighboring cities, state, country, countries, world, and universe is essential

Which means I need to give myself time and spend less time with other people

Because this is peace.

[nicohischier]

im sorry im making an effort and i swear im like five minutes away from making a kpop blog and never mentioning it here again but it’s three am and ive worked myself into tears because of how much i love shim fucking changmin. 

so this got really long and because im not trying to scare away followers,,, she’s under the cut,,,

when i watched his solo mv debut i had no idea hed end up being so goddamn vital to my happiness. tvxq is seventeen goddamn years old. changmin is thirty two years old and my first reaction every time i see him is to go ‘baby!’ and spew cheesy pet names at him. i love him so much and its so dumb because ive only really known about him since april but hes just taken over my heart and it is not the first time ive cried because i cant handle how much i love him. changmin is just genuinely so sweet and adorable and funny and it breaks my heart that i cant look him in the eye and tell him how great a person he is. his eyes are so soft and he knows it and welcoming and he makes me feel comfy on bad days. his smile sends butterflies through my chest, his laugh warms my heart, his voice is one of the most precious sounds ive ever heard. every thing he did on the analog trip w suju + yunho really made my whole entire life if im tbh too. him just becoming a member of suju, casually, going through the worst possible time of his life when they volunteer him to handle the money, breathing, the way he wasn’t there when sd/dh/yh were done paragliding and ordered drinks and then couldn’t pay because changmin was not present, ‘tell them were children’ ‘i did—it didnt work’, mimicking how yunho looked when he took off on the paraglide, learning ‘discount, pls?’ in indonesian, dying at leeteuk just telling the staff theyre from korea like three different times as an introduction to begging for a discount, writing the lyrics to come a little closer. my heart hurts. the anaglog trip livestream they did in jan and his aegyo and dying-of-laughter-so-intense-must-yeet-cuecards-into-floor. he breaks my heart guys... also his english voice??? pure, gentle, incredible, iconic, heartwarming. i love him. but also like hes been through a lot in his years as tvxq. like in 2006 yunho was honest to god poisoned and set to hospital cause some girl gave him water mixed with superglue, and changmin and yunho were always close even before tvxq lost their other members, so he had to sit there while his friend and leader was in the hospital because he was poisoned. then like a year or so later four of his close friends were in a car accident, and it was near fatal for once of his best friends who ended up with like a pierced lung and other shit, and like he almost didn’t get the surgery that would have probably saved his life cause kyuhyuns father decided not to go ahead with because it wouldve destroyed his singing career so changmin could have watched his best friend die thank god for dr wang youngpil and his alternate solution. then tvxq loses three of its members and its just yunho and changmin and they have to deal with reinserting themselves into the scene after taking hiatus to deal with the lawsuit jyj pressed against sm, reconfiguring themselves into a duo, dealing with the loss of their three friends, etc. then like obviously 2017, which i say obviously but unless you know kpop you dont know what i mean by obviously 2017 just know that really late 2017 was tough for sm artists because they lost someone really important. i just... hes been through a lot and im really proud of him for not just dipping on kpop. hes super important to my happiness and im so goddamn grateful for his existence.

[itsclydebitches]

Lovely Good Omens fandom! Many of you have asked for/mentioned having a text version of the Yelp reviews, which if I were a better person I would have remembered to include in the first place. Better late than never? So here’s a version below and I also threw this up on AO3 so there are options. For the record, I’m not at all trained in transcribing visual media, so if anyone wants to add to/edit/do whatever to this post, especially to make it more accessible, you have carte blanche to do so 👍

Also I typed this up in a hurry so, as always, apologies for any typos. 

Tagging: @lethargicdolphin, @marithlizard, @pearwaldorf

A.Z. Fell and Co. Antiquarian and Unusual Books 

Recommended Reviews 

Lindsay F. 

London, United Kingdom 

71 friends

3000 reviews

9874 photos

So I slipped into this place because I spotted my ex across the street and would have rather chugged a cocktail of bleach, lighter fluid, and a condensed solution of all my middle school years then talk to that asshole. Owner was on me the second I walked through the door and I thought he was gonna be one of those ‘Either buy something or get out’ types. Nah. I spilled the story, said I really wasn’t looking to purchase anything, and he LIT UP like nobody’s business. He gave me tea and promised I’d never run into my ex again. Which is a super sketchy promise on its own and also should have been hilarious coming from a guy a century behind in style.

...Kinda believed him though. 

Marina G. 

London, United Kingdom 

0 friends

33 reviews

48 photos

Pretty sure this guy wants a library, not a bookshop. I mean, he’s nice and all when you first come in, but trying to actually buy a book? Good fucking luck. He’s too busy to see you right now (for the record he’s super bad at pretending to be busy). Or claims that this book has already been put on reserve (then why wasn’t it in the reserve pile...?). Or the price suddenly jumped an obscene amount. Or he just straight up hems and haws until you get fed up and leave. I watched him pull a novel straight out of a woman’s hands once when she claimed that price was no object and she wouldn’t be leaving the store until she’d purchased it. You’d think she was trying to kidnap one of the guy’s kids!

So yeah. Feel like popping in to browse, maybe take pictures for your research, all while making quiet conversation with someone who quite frankly knows his stuff? This is the place for you. Want to actually buy something? Go elsewhere. Pretty sure Fell doesn’t even own a cash register. At least I’ve never seen one. 

He wants a library and I’d honestly tell him as much if he didn’t scare me just a little bit...

Aaron S. 

New York, NY

68 friends

212 reviews 

337 photos

I stayed here for three days once. Found a bathroom off the romance section and a chair hidden away in the back. Way comfier than my mattress at home. Mostly played iPhone games and kept real quiet at night. Experiment ended when I popped out for breakfast and didn’t make it back before a random 10:00am closing. Don’t think the owner ever realized what was up. 

Hana S. 

London, United Kingdom 

112 friends

115 reviews

208 photos

I really love this place. I’ve been coming here since I moved to London, about twelve years ago, and it’s one of the most soothing bookstores I’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting. Yeah, you hear talk of weird things going on at Fell’s, but really? We could all do with a bit more quirky in our lives. And Fell provides that in spades: Annual plants that never seem to wither, let alone die. The smell of incense mixing with cocoa. Strange books tucked horizontally into the shelves, feeling like they have a touch of magic to them. Nonsensical conversations taking place in dark corners (I’m talking candid chats about the apocalypse and whether angels could actually bless all the rains down in Africa. I swear Fell and his boyfriend are the religion Mythbusters or something.) I’m going to sound like a total nerd here for a moment, but it feels like some sort of liminal space. You know when you were a kid and you were just desperate to receive your Hogwarts letter? Or find your own wardrobe to Narnia? That’s what walking into Fell’s feels like. Like you’ve finally found that portal and can stay as long as you like, provided you don’t try to take anything back with you into the ‘real’ world. Hell, maybe that’s why he won’t let anyone buy his books. 

Robert T. 

Union City, CA

4 friends

26 reviews

3 photos

There’s a snake?? In this shop?? A reALLY MASSIVE SNAKE????? What are y’all doing talkin’ about your meet cutes and shit someone call pest control!

Malini D. 

London, United Kingdom 

0 friends

48 reviews

99 photos

I’m not gonna pretend I have anything to say about whether this is a good bookstore or not, but if you ever want knitting help you should definitely stop by. Mr. Fell knows an absurd amount about crafts for a guy who looks like my grandpa and he’s now replaced Youtube as my go-to for alleviating “Omg please fix this how the hell did I manage to reverse the pattern??” panic. For the record, I didn’t just wander up to a random bookseller one day and demand that he help me salvage the ruins of my first sweater. I’d taken a seat inside to wait out a storm, had my messy sleeve stuffed into my purse, and he’d offered the help. Bit of a bastard about things like gauge and color--not everyone wants to wear tartan, dude--but you get used to that. He means well. Said I should come back to show him the finished piece, which I did. Things just kind of spiraled from there. He’s an absolute treasure trove of knowledge once you get him talking and a muffin to boot. If he were twenty years younger and in any way straight I would have asked him out in a heartbeat. As it is I’m considering setting him up with Grandpa. 

Tiffany L. 

London, United Kingdom 

132 friends

312 reviews

34 photos

I’m not really a book person myself but I followed my wife in with our seventh-month old and was kinda embarrassed when he started making a fuss. Normally I’m full Badass Mom mode while in public--I’ve got a kid to feed, change, sooth, and you all can damn well deal with it--but this place was so quiet Liam seemed extra loud in comparison. I was about to take him back out when a man appeared out of nowhere. The owner I guess, based on how some of these other reviews describe him. Older gentleman with clothes out of some period piece. Anyway, he scoops Liam into his arms like he was born for it and started bouncing. Our fussy, temperamental, drama queen Liam settled in an instant and my wife got to browse to her heart’s content. I don’t know how he did it, but that man is an absolute angel. Full stars for that moment alone. 

Gillian L. 

The Hague, The Netherlands

283 friends

256 reviews

60 photos

Anyone know if the old Bentley parked out front is for sale? 

Update: It’s really, really, really not 

Billy H. 

Austen, TX

40 friends

2073 reviews

774 photos

QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS SO MANY QUEER BOOKS!!!

Gabriela G. 

London, United Kingdom

3 friends

22 reviews

1 photos

Run by this delightfully frumpy guy who sometimes hands out biscuits from a sewing tin like my gran used to. He asked me if I was looking for anything in particular and I told him my name was Jared, I was 19, but sadly I’d never learned how to read. I have NEVER seen a man more confused in my life. 10/10 would meme him again. 

Colie A.

Enola, PA

201 friends

2778 reviews

10382 photos

I’m setting the record straight here since there are a bunch of reviews claiming it’s just London folklore: there is a snake at A.Z. Fell’s. Must be an exotic pet he usually keeps upstairs because I’ve only ever seen it twice. Is it big? Yes. Scary? Fuck yes, but I’ve never seen it do anything more than give a warning hiss at this drunk who wandered in and started yelling. (Are snakes good guard dogs? This one is.) The other time he was just chilling on top of one of the shelves. Snoozing, I guess. I asked Mr. Fell if I could pet him and he said maybe after he woke up, but then I had to get to class and all. 

Afraid of snakes? Steer clear. Otherwise I’d really recommend popping in and seeing if he’s around. Idk, maybe I’m just a snake fan but he looks super sweet and chill. Life is short. Boop the snake snoot. 

Jeremy W. 

London, United Kingdom 

86 friends

409 reviews

12 photos

I live down the street from A.Z. Fell’s and let me tell you, this place is spooky as fuck. All sorts of weird lights and noises coming from it. At all times of the day and night too. Either this bowtie wearing bookworm has one crazy sex life or the place is haunted. Jury’s out on which. 

Heather Ki. 

London, United Kingdom 

0 friends

3852 reviews

1 photos

This shop smells. Not that old book smell either, oh no, but like something is molding. I took my little Johnny in here to try and get him interested in something other than those damned video games and I walk into what smells like a whole cloud of toxic mold! My boy has a weak constitution as it is and if he comes down with anything I will be pressing charges, you mark my words. 

Jo. W. 

London, United Kingdom 

32 friends

410 reviews

61 photos

Hey, does anyone want to talk about the fact that this place burned down last month? As in, completely up in flames, I saw it happen, nothing but a smoking husk afterwards? Does no one else remember this??

Tiggi N. 

London, United Kingdom 

32 friends

33 reviews

24 photos

Has anyone read this guy’s opening hours? I included a photo above: “I open the shop on most days about 9:30AM perhaps 10:AM. While occasionally I have opened the shop as early as 8, I have been known not to open until 1.” Absolutely insane. This guy’s a madman and I love him. If anyone actually manages to get into this place please let me know because I need to shake Fell’s hand. 

Mackenzie J. 

City Centre, Manchester, United Kingdom 

807 friends

2592 reviews

13218 photos

I told my girlfriend this shop’s got a snake named Anthony and she didn’t believe me. Going back for proof next week. 

Update: got the snake selfie!!!!!!!!

Penny O. 

Chicago, IL

87 friends

557 reviews

16 photos

Caught the owner snogging some hot twink behind the cookbooks. Well done, my dude. 

[o-holynight]

Charismatic As Hell And Cute To Boot | All You Have To Do Is Fall In Love AU

Other Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 Author: Michaela - @o-holynight​ Pairing: Joe Mazzello / OFC Rating: T Word Count: 2.9k POV: Michaela Warnings: swearing Summary: After a full day of spending time with each other, neither Joe nor Michaela wants the date to end; So it doesn’t.

Masterlist found here! Series Summary: Best friends and college roommates Ben, Joe, and Gwil, find themselves tangled up with a group of girls who bring out the best (and worst) in them. Series Warnings: drinking, swearing Authors’ Note: Stories can stand alone, but it’s much better when read all together! Not everything is always in the same tense, or same point of view/perspective.

After hours of gushing to Sarah and working up the courage to ask her to ask Ben to ask Joe if he would even be interesting in having my number—I finally opened his contact. Having only a low quality Facebook tagged photo as the sole image to be his contact picture, it would have to do. Though he did look absolutely adorable in it; it was borderline attacking.

I stared at his name for a while longer, debating on whether or not I should even contact him. He was flirting, wasn’t he? Ben did say he liked me a whole lot...for being willing to shit his brains out later...but that’s besides the point. I thought of texting him and asking how he was doing, but maybe that was just adding salt to the wound? Ah, fuck it.

I triple checked my finger placement to make sure that I clicked “Message” and not, god forbid, call or FaceTime him, and started typing.

Hey Joe! How are you feeling? It’s Michaela, by the way.

Send. I really should have found something to preoccupy my mind while waiting for his response, But I didn’t think that far in advance. It seemed that Joe made me act without overthinking first. Oh boy this could be dangerous. After what seemed like an eternity but was probably in reality only 15 long agonizing minutes, I saw the three dots typing.

I clutched my phone to my chest, covering my mouth in fear of making an embarrassing middle schooler squeal. I made myself wait at least a full minute before looking back at my screen, not wanting to seem too eager.

I’m better, now that I’m talking to you. (: God, sorry, was that too cliche? I meant to say, still pretty terrible I feel like shit. And thanks for spelling your name out, I was wondering about that one. (:

He uses so many smiley faces, I can’t help but smile myself. I really think I must be in a dream sequence. And if my alarm goes off any second I will never forgive it.

Oh my god I’m SO SORRY!! Again, I really didn’t know and I would’ve totally made you something else. I really, really wish you didn’t have to suffer on my behalf. Haha yeah, it’s not too hard. Michael with an A.

I flipped around on my stomach, wedging my pillow under my chest, trying to find a comfortable position for a hopefully lengthy conversation.

Alrighty Michael A, that’s officially gonna be what you are in my contacts. And no, I’m not suffering...anymore.

We continued talking for hours on end. Lots of get-to-know-you questions ripped straight from questionnaires off the first three or so pages of Google. I’m not sure how we agreed upon this but the two of us were officially going on a date the very next day. Joe brought up this really good smoothie place in the middle of central campus, and I would have happily watched paint dry with the guy. So of course I agreed. We settled on lunchtime, which means there were only about 8 hours left until I could see him again. Which was one of the only reasons I was okay when he didn’t respond to my final text message, signaling that he had probably fallen asleep, like any self respecting human would have done at 4:00am.

The next morning I was flitting around the apartment like a madman at 10:00 am. “Guys what do I wear!! I want to be cute, but I can’t wear a dress we’ll be walking all around campus and my thighs will chafe and that’s not cute for anyone—“

Sarah grabs me by the shoulders. “Listen, just wear leggings and a t-shirt. It’s what you wore last time! It’s what he fell for you in.”

I blushed when she mentioned him falling for me. “Yeah but if I wear leggings and a t-shirt again, he will think all I wear is leggings and a t-shirt.”

“That is all you wear…” Ella piped up from the hallway, as she appeared in my room. “Besides your gay as hell Hawaiian shirt collection. But maybe save that for the second date, eh?”

“Okay FINE, but I’m going long sleeved this time. It’s a little breezy out there.” I said, checking my weather app for the third time this morning. I figured I’d be cold walking around, as well as drinking a smoothie.

At exactly one minute past twelve, I got a text saying that Joe was outside. My heart began its palpitations and I didn’t know if it would ever stop.

“Wish me luck!” I whispered as I passed my roommates, on my way to answer the door.

“Good luck! Get fucked!” they said in response, and I shot them a dagger-like glare before opening the door to greet Joe.

He was wearing jeans and also sporting a long sleeved t-shirt. It made him look so cozy that I could snuggle right up to him, but that would be a bit much. Or so I thought. He pulled me into a hug in the doorway, and I could have melted. His arms were so strong as they wrapped around my torso, and my face nestled tightly against his broad chest. “Hey! Long time no see, Michael A.” he said as he pulled away from the hug. I barely wanted to release my arms from around him, but I did.

“Back atcha...Joey.” I said, trying to come up with a similar nickname on the spot.

He cringed. “Oof, no one’s called me that in years.” he said with a fond smile.

We left the apartment after a couple of whoops and whistles of encouragement from Sarah. “Sorry about her. I think she’s just really excited.”

“Oh I don’t mind. Sarah’s great.” Joe chuckled. “Are you really excited?”

“I am.” I said, looking up at him, to find him staring up at me, smiling sweetly. It made me blush and return my gaze to the ground.

The two of us walked around in a comfortable silence for a while until we reached the smoothie shop. Joe opened the door for me, and followed behind. As we were standing in line, we poked fun at the silly words that they tried to pass off as smoothie names. I ordered a Kowabunga, some tropical coconut mango thing, and Joe snickered as he ordered the SOB, strawberry, orange, banana smoothie. “Man they just keep getting weirder huh.” He insisted on paying for both of our smoothies, though I tried to hand him a $5 bill, he snuck it back into my waistband where I kept my phone. “That...wasn’t supposed to be indicative of anything, that’s just...it’s where you had your money—“

“Hey, it’s fine Joey, don’t worry about it.” I said laughing at his flusteredness, grabbing his arm and walking out of the smoothie shop.

Once out through the doors, I dropped my hold on his arm, but he quickly slinked his hand down to grab ahold of mine, lacing our fingers together.

“This okay?” he asked, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand. It sent tingles up my arm and directly to my heart. But all I could do was nod my head rapidly and smile.

We walked and talked for a while, sipping on our smoothies. “Joe,” I said draining the last of my smoothie before tossing it into a nearby trash can. “I have a confession.”

“Yeah?” he asked, sounding a bit nervous. “Confess away.”

“I’m allergic to fruit.” I said, looking up at him and pursing my lips.

“What!? And you let me bring you to a smoothie shop. You’re worse than me with the cheese! Why are you just telling me this now?” He asked, hitting me in the side with both of our hands clasped together.

“Because I wanted to finish my smoothie before you made me get rid of it. It’s nothing too bad. It’s just like when you eat too much pineapple and your mouth gets really sore, except it’s all fruit all the time.” I said, used to my spiel.

“I can’t say that’s ever happened to me, guess I gotta eat more pineapple and feel the burn.” he said, sipping on his last bit of smoothie, and reaching awkwardly towards a trash can, unwilling to let go of my hand.

We talked for a bit more, walking past buildings that we both had classes in, telling class horror stories, making sure to let each other know which professors to never sign up for a class with. I learned that Joe is a film major, and hopes to be a director one day.

“I think you’re quite suited to being in front of the camera too.”

“Really? You think so?”

“Yeah. You’re charismatic as hell, and cute to boot.” I said knocking my hip into his.

He smiled at the ground, rubbing at his neck nervously. “Aw shucks, you’re makin’ me blush now.”

“Good.” I said, trying to be a little more forward than I usually am. I really liked this guy, and I desperately needed not to blow it this time.

“I like film though. I really do. Learning how to make a scene come out just right. Seeing it go from a small viewfinder to the big screen. The editing process. It’s all great. But I’m really into all the old cameras and shit. My dad got me this camcorder with a whole bunch of tapes for by birthday last year and I’ve just been fuckin around with that lately. Something about the old method just really adds something special. Oh...sorry—I uh, swear a lot.” He said, going on and on about his passions, as I studied his face. When he talked about what made him happy, I could see a sparkle in his eye that made him ten times more attractive than he already was.

“Oh, it’s no problem at all. I love a good potty mouth.” I smirked. “So what do you do in your free time then?”

He shoved his free hand in his jeans pocket before speaking. “Well, like I said I’m into all that old film, so I really enjoy photography too. Digital and film. There’s a great dark room on campus that you can sign up for time in, it’s really cool. The process smells like rotting asshole but the results are worth it I like to think.”

“Oh I’m familiar. I took a photography class in high school. I have a film camera lying around my house somewhere back home. I should bring it back with me next time I go.” I said heart soaring that we had something in common. “Do you work?”

“Oh yeah. I work at Dick’s. Sporting Goods. Not a strip club or anything.” he joked.

“I know what Dick’s is.” I whispered, before giggling. “Yeah Sarah goes there all the time.”

“Really? Don’t think I’ve ever seen her in before.”

“Well, she says apparently they have the best sports bras in town? Maybe you need to spend a little more time in the lingerie section of your sporting goods store and you’ll find her.”

We walked aimlessly for a little while longer. Once we had lapped the entire campus twice without realizing, we decided maybe we should be heading back. But we both knew that neither of us wanted to leave.

As we were driving back to my place in his truck, he had his hand resting on my knee, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

We walked extremely slowly up to my residence, and lingered in the hallway outside my door. I was holding loosely onto his thumb as I leaned back against the doorframe, just wanting some form of contact, as we had barely let go of each other the whole day.

“Um, so they just released a new show on Netflix…” Joe started.

“Wanna come in and watch it?” I asked immediately, knowing nothing about the show, the genre, the storyline, the cast. But again, I’d watch paint dry just to spend more time with him.

“Well sheesh, buy me a drink first why don’t ya, I’m not that easy.” he snickered. “Yeah sure great let’s do it.” Joe said, smiling that I had gone for his bait.

I unlocked the door and he walked in, looking around for a second, taking in all the attempts at home decor that the three of us could muster. He nodded in approval.

“Well since you’re in already guess you won’t be needing that drink after all.”

“Hey, it’s 5:00 somewhere, and that somewhere is here!” he said, glancing down at his watch, noticing it was almost half past 5.

“Any drink in particular you fancy? Preferably something I could make with a limited stock of ingredients.”

“Rum and coke is fine.” Joe smiled, taking a tentative seat on the big comfy chair that faced the TV.

I whipped it up quickly, making one for myself as well. More coke than rum though, for me. “Sorry we don’t have any limes left. Ben used them all last week. It’s a simple drink, cause I’m a simple girl. It’s not the Four Seasons or anything.”

“Hey, Ben works there, you know. He should know a thing or two about the importance of proper garnishes. I’m only kidding. It’s great, thank you.”

I paused for a half a second wondering if there was room for two on the seat he was sitting on. He must’ve picked up on this, because he wiggled over slightly and patted the cushion beside him. I smiled and sat down eagerly. The cushion was very soft and worn, and it dipped down in the center, making both of us slide towards each other, thighs touching. It was nice.

I leaned forward to grab the remote off of the coffee table, and when I leaned back into the chair, Joe’s arm was situated around the back. He placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently, and I leaned into his chest, practically laying on top of him.

At that moment, Sarah and Ella heard the familiar tone of Netflix being turned on, and emerged from their rooms.

“Michaela!! Why didn’t you tell us you were back, tell us all about your day with—Joe!!” Sarah started, pausing when she saw Joe’s head poke up from the back of the chair, my head peeking out shortly after.

“Nice place you got, McDonald. Where’d you get all this top notch decor, Target?” Joe teased, his hand moving down from my shoulder to resting right above my waist. I bit my lip to try and prevent any further reaction, though I wanted to scream giddily.

“As a matter of fact yes, what the fuck is wrong with that.” Sarah said crossing her arms in front of her.

“Seems a little cliche for a place full of white girls.”

“Okay, mister liquor bottle, you’ve got a lotta balls coming in here like that.” Sarah chuckled as she sat on the arm of the adjacent sofa. That’s when she noticed that his arm was wrapped tightly around my waist.

“I see you two are getting comfortable with each other, I’ll leave you to it… Ella let's go watch something in here.” Sarah said, pulling Ella away from the two of us so we could enjoy the rest of our date.

The night went on, and the conversation never dulled. Whatever series was rolling on Netflix was more of a background noise for the ramblings between the two of us sitting on the big comfy chair. Over the hours, Joe had gradually slid down in his seat, head resting on the back cushion. I had my legs draped over his, and his fingers were tracing mindlessly over the sliver of skin exposed at the ankle of my leggings. It all felt so natural, like we had known each other for years. Except everything was new. Every fact I learned about the man made me fall a little deeper for him. We had so much in common despite living such different childhoods.

We lost all track of time, and didn’t even notice when Netflix timed out on the ‘Are you still watching?’ screen. I don’t even know who fell asleep first, but I woke up in the middle of the night to a room barely illuminated by the dark light of the TV’s screensaver. The blanket that usually laid across the back of the chair was wrapped around Joe and I, and his arm was slung over my middle, gripping me tightly, holding me close. I rubbed my eyes and adjusted my position, pulling the blanket further up on my body. Joe stirred at my movements and gave a little stretch.

“Don’t worry about moving, ‘wanna stay like this.” I whispered softly, moving in even closer, laying my head onto his chest and wrapping my arms around his torso.

His hand came to rest in my hair, stroking it softly before falling back asleep. The sound of his breath evening out and the slowing of his heart beat lulled me back to sleep as well. I could definitely get used to this.

--------------

@a-night-at-the-0pera @crazylittlethingcalledobsession @lelifesaver @redspecialty @rrrogahtaylahhhh

[therunawaystudent]

It’s chaos, plain and simple. (private)

I wake up to my phone going off. Squinting against the light, I have a bunch of texts from Sam @chickskickasstoo, my mother, Demetri @helloimanecromancer, and Aisha @lovemissrobinson.  Eli has sent me more than anyone.

Message from: Hawkman (Eli) (sent at 10:25pm): Hey man why arent you at school today? Everyone’s been asking me about you and if we did it I told them no, of course. Demetri doesn't belive me go figure.

Message from: Hawkman (Eli) (sent at 1:05pm): Sam is wondering where tf her boyfriend isssss

Message from: Hawkman (Eli) (sent at 2:06pm: Im worried. I called your house (sorry) and your mom said you were at Keene's place, Why are you there?? Aisha thinks we're both idiots. I had to tell her what happened she wouldn't stop bugging me.

Message from: Hawkman (Eli) (sent at 2:47pm): Is your nose okay??

Message from: Hawkman (Eli) (sent at 3:38pm): HELLLOOOO

Message from Hawkman (Eli) (sent at 4:55pm): u ded or what

Somewhat reluctantly, I message him back.

Message to: Hawkman (Eli) (sent at 4:59pm): I'm fine. I'm hiding out.

Message from: Hawkman (Eli): Holy shit you're alive. Wtf you hiding out for?

Message to: Hawkman (Eli): We're kinda in trouble here! Wtf kinda question is that.

I can only guess either Robby or Ali called my mother up and told her. Unless she's actually psychic and not just joking all those times. I tap away, trying to answer his billion questions.

Seriously Miguel just go home

Noooope.

Dude its mailbox! We didn't blow up someone's house or anything. Nobody knows for sure we did it though The only reason people are suspecting is cause you're not here and Im so goddamn bad at lying. I swear our homeroom teacher knew what was up. SOMEHOW.

Oh for fucks sakes Eli.

Gooooo hoooooomeeeee wtf you gonna do, run away forever??

Let me hide.

This is stupid Miguel!

You're being a pussy!

No I'm ducking not Fucking***

Can you at least tell me where you are! I can bring you stuff. You need food, money? A passport and new identity? lol.

I can't say, alright. I'm safe, don't worry about me. soooo funny, jajaja.

Yeah, it is funny cause you're taking this wayyyyy too serious!

I sit here, typing away back and forth for fifteen minutes until my phone gets to 10%. This thing is gonna die and I don't think sensei would have a charger for his brick phone laying around anywhere.

Message to: Hawkman (Eli): Listen man, I gotta go phone is dying, I'll be fine so dont worry about me, okay? Just don’t tell anyone I was messaging you. PLEASE

Message from: Hawkman (Eli): Okay, I wont. Just dont get yourself into deeper shit, alright?

Message to: Hawkman (Eli): I won't. promise.

I put my phone face down on the floor, away from the temptation to answer more texts, in case I need the battery for an emergency call of some kind. Although, if for whatever reason it did come to that, I'm sure that payphone out there will take my change. I feel bad for not responding to the rest, especially from Sam, but that will only make it worse.

I feel antsy. After no more than a minute, I briefly scroll through the messages from my mom; she's sent me about two dozen over the past 12 hours.

(sent at 12:32am) You're lucky someone had the sense to tell me you're okay. 

(sent at 11:00am) Hard to do my job when I’m worried where you are and why you didn’t just come to me...

I keep scrolling, and one in particular stands out to me.

(sent at 9:52am) I don't know why you're not here with me right now but please, there's nothing worse than not coming home. Remember that, you can always go home again. I love you. 

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 5

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 121: I received a call today about an interesting job with a firm called Liquibox - they need someone to source all the apps used by a company they’ve just bought and then decide how to incorporate them into their IT standards - not disimiliar to app testing at RS for Y2K. Another 17k+ steps today although when I ventured out on my second walk, I quickly had to wolf down some jelly beans! Didn’t stop me doing 8km. I WhatsApp’d Karen today to see what Dan’s doing for his 30th. He’s off to France. Just that brief comminique serves to remind me that it’s been about 3 weeks since anyone (apart from Dad & Rita) has asked after me without it being an after thought (even then the question’s been posed less than half a dozen times). It feels awfully lonely! I guess, somehow, I’ve made my own bed.....

Day 122: I have an interview for the Liquibox job. It’s a MS Teams one with the recruiter, in two day’s time (Friday) at 9am. I had haggis for tea, with loads of veg. A really nice change!

Day 123: Badge contacted me via Messenger to ask how I was. First person to do so, as a forethought in at least three weeks. Good ol’ Badge. Been mostly preparing for tomorrow’s interview today so not quite as far, walking wise, just 14k steps! Spoke with dad today, he’s OK as usual. Also spoke with Karen via WhatsApp (asking about whether I have to wash brand new bedding - any excuse to contact, really) and then saw her gardening - the front garden at 10, Ashton Road does look really good!

Day 124: Typing on day 125. Online interview with Bigred recruitment for the role at Liquibox. It went well but, as always, who knows? I didn’t gear back from DSM about my (other) interviews as they promised. Just reaffirms my rule, after every conversation re: job hunting, forget about it. In fact, I saw the job advertised again (but, this time, MCSE is a requirement), I sent Karen a message to see if, maybe, she fancied a few beers. Her reply was a little sad, she’s feeling very down and is worried about Dan and how he is coping with life after splitting with Grace. Coincidentally I saw Dan today. It was great bumping into him and I am going to make more of an effort to keep in touch. Usual Friday night for me. Lots of beers, pizza, films (Lucy and The Big Short) and a fucking late night! Day 125: As I type, I am knackered. 15 km today. Dad called while I was on my first walk, to see if I’d heard from DSM. I told him no but, also, that I wasn’t that bothered.

Day 126: More epic walking and am going to have a beer tonight - I have a hankering despite it being Sunday. I watched Moneyball last night. Flipping good. 2011 it was made. Fucking 9 years ago! Rick and Vic got engaged today!

Day 127: I am typing this on day 128. I got up late for a weekday - beers last night did the trick. If I drink, I am never in bed before 4am! I still managed an 8 mile walk! Received a call while walking from the Bigred recruitment chap about the Liquibox job - it was a no.

Day 128: Normal day - lots of walking. I have started watching ‘Good Girls’ on Netflix. Pretty good.

Day 129: Typing on day 130. I had to be up for the plumber coming round so I was up and showered by 8:30am. What this means is I managed three walks today (over 13 miles). I am also developing a rather odd pain in my right lower abdomen (not disimilar to the appendictis feeling earlier in ld) and a movement-restricting pain in my upper right arm - I and sincerely hoping it’s not the shoulder. I really do not want another frozen one. So, I didn’t manage a last set of push-ups after the last walk.

Day130: Typing this on day 131 (there’s a pattern emerging here). Went shopping at Asda - £106! I only went for a few things FFS! Had a few beers round Karen’s and continued when I got home at 10:30pm-ish.

Day 131: I am typing this at 3pm. I have been up for two hours and done fuck all. Just watch the last episode of Friends - so that’s the end of that 5-6 month binge session. I realise that I had seen pretty much every episode before but not that last one so Ross and Rach finally getting together was a nice surpise. David Schwimmer is the fucking star of that show - how many times did I pause and rewind comedy clips of him. He is fucking hilarious in Friends. After toast and coffee and energy drink, I finally feel up to a walk even though Alexa has just informed me its 32 degrees C!

Day 132: Very late one last night (4:15am) but up about midday. Long, long walk (11km) including a long chat with dad. As I type this the FA Cup is just finishing. So weird the final in August at Wembley with no crowd.

Day 133: I have done jack shit today. I’ve tweaked my ankle. I did watch the British Grand Prix and viewed TikTok way too much.

Day 134: My ankle still feels like there’s an issue but I went ahead and did a 9km walk and usual stair climb. It’s felt study enough but I need to be careful. After sitting for a while, I can feel it tweak when first walk on it. I saw El today and he was mentioning the pub visits he’s had since ld relaxed, and who with. It reminded me that, since I won’t go out until I can be sure it’s safe, I should get used to a long, lonely time. It has put me in a very somber mood. I am feeling very isolated.

Day 135: Town Hall at RCI to which furloughed staff were invited. It was all about the rebranding including the new business ‘Panorama’ and the new RCI brand. It was all very positive. I still wonder, though, what is going tp happen about furloghed staff now RCI haev to contribute to the Government retention scheme (since 1st August. Today is the 4th) but today was never going to be about that. The positivity plus the ‘no news is good news’ has put me in a little better frame of mind than yesterdya, but not much. Two long walks today even though the right ankle still twinges every now and then. Also, this pain I am having in my right arm is not getting any better. It doesn’t stop me doing anything but is painful if I have to reach up over shoulder height. I’m meant to be on the radio tomorrow (see Day 120)...it’s a strange feeling of anticipation!

Day 136: Well, I was on the radio, Shaun Keavney’s ‘Small Claims Court’ feature on his BBC Radio 6 Music day time show. It was fun! It is interesting, the process I went through before appearing (see main blog). It’s such a big thing for me (or, I guess, anyone who is asked to appear) but, in a flash, it’s over and the moment is resigned to obscurity. It means so little to absolutely everyone apart from me!

Day 137: Video chatted with Dan (30th birthday) - he went to Brighton and was on it when I spoke with him (before midday!), sat in a ‘noncey restaurant’ as he put it. He’s gone with Jonah and his girlfriend. I do hope he makes the best of the day. I rang dad today as well (Thursday is Rita’s family stuff day so it’s a good time to call dad). He was his usual self, unfazed and healthy. It’s really rather reassuring talking to him. It’s really hot and humid today so both walks have resulted in a lot of sweat! I have just arranged to go and have a drink up Foggy’s tomorrow evening before he wanders over the pub. I can’t wait, I’m so bloody lonely!

Day 138: Typing this on day 139. I had a great evening at Foggy’s. Great food (bbq) and great company. Home by half past midnight, in bed before 2am so an early night for me on a Friday but a bloody good night.

Day 139: Up at midday-ish. Lazy day. My arm is a major concern now. I think it is a frozen shoulder but, I think I should lay off the press-ups for a day or two, just to see if they are the cause.

Day 140: Similar day to yesterday...lazy and no press-ups.

Day 141: I went to bed at @3:30am last night, wtf! Up at 10:00am so not bad. Watched a film called The Assistant. It’s a strange one - fuck all happens yet i really liked it! Karen WhatsApp’d - she wants me, her and Dan to have a meal for his 30th. That’s great, but she suggested going out - I just wonder if people really do have a grasp that the pandemic is still happening! However, and in mitigation, she also suggested a meal round hers which I (obvs) plumped for. It is a very nice gesture and invitiation - means a lot.

Day 142: My arm seems to be getting better by not doing press-ups. I am on track to complete 1,000,000 steps by around the end of the month, so 2 instead of 3! Because it’s so blooming hot right now, I have taken a walk in the evening (8-9pm ish) which has allowed me to take some pics of stunning skyscapes, as I’ve decided to call them. Started to watch the American version of the office. It’s OK.

Day 143: I have been having pain again in my abdomen (see day 28) so I contacted the surgery and ended up in a video conference with Dr. Powell. Turns out it is most likely constipation! Movical it is then! Seriously fucking hot today (this week).

Day 144: Typing on day 145. Went round Karen’s and had a meal with her and Dan one week after his 30th. It was good. Dan left by 8pm and I left at 9pm but carried on drinking at home while watching Netflix comedy specials of John Mulaney live (fucking funny). So, a late, drunken midweek night hence not penning this diary on the day!

Day 145: Up at midday, shopping at Tesco’s and Asda, very late walk 9:15pm by the time I got home - it was too dark to see the cowpats by the river! Today, the two semifinals in the world snooker were both classics; Kyren Wilson beat Anthony McGill 17-16, Ronnie O’Sullivan beat Mark Selby by the same score. The snooker is weird with no audience - those two scorelines deserved some people there to witness them, amazing snooker!

Day 146: Day 147 as I type - completely forgot to make the entry. I went to bed at nearly 6am but was up at noon. Walked over 11 km! Watched Zodiac, drank late (again!)

Day 147: day 147 and also the day of the world snooker final which was rather a damp squib; Ronnie whooped Kyren Wilson 18-8. I received notice yesterday that I’m being charged with the speeding offence on 23rd April. Bollocks.

Day 148: No amazing interludes to report today. Day 149: Same as yesterday...walking mainly. 17,000 today, 244k for the month.

Day 150: Foggy’s birthday. I am just about to go to his for a quick beer before he goes to the pub. At the moment I have a chilli on the go and have cracked open a can. It’s all happening!

[whereelsetovent]

february 4 monday

Started school at 9:00am instead of 8:00am. Since english class wasn’t mandatory anymore, only students that need help with partial draft work attended. This morning wasn’t too bad, the roads weren’t as bad compared to the weather. This week is on average -30C. crazy right? Scientists say it’s because of a polar vortex that’s goin on. Anyways, started the morning with a “Gmorning my sexy pumpkin <3″ to my baby girlfriend Jean Jean, she told me last night that Haya was going for dinner with her friend after the Nisku lab, so Jean who usually goes with her, has to go with her three guy friends instead. Now, what upset me was the fact that when I offered to drive her after class, she mentioned a few reasons why I don’t need to pick her up. Like it’s too far, or that they’ll just drop her off. I guess part of me was jealous. But I mean, they’re just her friends. After awhile, I thought about it and well I mean she’s not married to me, she can do what she wants. Besides, is she the type of person to cheat on you? helll no, she knows if she does. she’s gonna lose me, just like that. 

 first class was intro to project management for two hours. Wasn’t bad, played Geometry wars the whole time. Second class was mette’s environmental pollution class. Handed in my Assignment 1, and we watched The Tipping Point documentary about the developments of oilsands in Canada and its effect. Same boring shit, but nice teacher, likes to tell Logan to stfu. Then came process controls, Jay’s class. Same shit again, except he looked a bit more stressed, which I agreed with Brad. We learned about P I D. proportional mode, PI mode (integral), and PD mode, derivative. Integral apparently has the biggest effect. Increasing gain makes the graph move upwards, increasing the integral allows the graph to be centered, and then slowly increasing the derivative allows the graph to steady out. And then it was hometime.

The entire time I was talking with Jean, texting each other. Today I wanted to change things, started to pick on her height, eyes, etc. we joked on each other the whole day. I mean I started to feel like shes trying to dominate me, so I gotta show her whose boss, this entire week im gonna be mean to her. Until after the three guys drop her off on friday. 

Anyways, that’s it. Came home shovelled the snow, Ohh right today is chinese new years! year of the pig, I mentioned happy chinese new years to Ku Ma

[arcanakrp-blog]

HA SEUNGWOO – STRENGTH. AGENT 08.

                                              [   FILE TYPE: CLASSIFIED   ]

//: LOADING PROFILE: HA SEUNGWOO …

international age: 24 birthplace: busan, south korea arcana: strength team number: six

//: LOADING MUTATION: FERAL MIND  …

application one: hunting intuition — hunting is not easy. it requires attention, focus, skills, practice. but it can be easier when these skills come to you as easily as breathing. hunting intuition gives seungwoo all those talents, enhancing his instincts so he can hunt, be it animals, people, or even objects. also, in the sorry case his target is a person, seungwoo can get a sense of their weakness, their vulnerabilities, making it simpler to catch them. or kill them, his choice. this application makes him the perfect tracker. there is, though, one thing needed for such a power to be better used: patience, a skill seungwoo barely has. being too eager, getting annoyed of waiting, getting ahead of himself can always jeopardize his efforts, putting the mission he’s in in danger.

application two: anger empowerment — anger is an well-known friend of seungwoo, one he’s been nurturing since young, since his life went out of the rails, crashing and burning in its collision course. when he gets angry he’s able to unlock other powers such as getting stronger, being able to lift heavier objects, fight harder, all rage and destruction, giving him a huge edge in fights. one downside to this power is that once it passes and he calms down, whatever wounds he has been inflicted are harder to heal, and depending of much energy he spent he can even have to stay in bed for a day or so.

application three: enhanced instincts — enhanced instincts consists of seungwoo having stronger instincts than what would be considered normal. mainly his predatory and fight instincts talk louder inside of him, shout until logic is forgotten and he can think quickly and efficiently while working on those instincts alone. he thinks and do things quicker, easier, though they might not always be the logical choice. he thinks quickly, instinctively, making him ideal for missions that need them to be fast and precise. however, this application can be dangerous when mixed with anger empowerment, making him reckless and destructive.

overall strengths and weaknesses: — seungwoo’s strength is in how well he matches his power, almost as if he was born with it, made for it. it’s like destruction is a part of what he is, and doing it is easy for him. he detaches himself from reality in a way that makes the job in arc easy - he doesn’t think about, doesn’t get bothered because of it. if he is ordered to steal, he does, if he has to kill, he does. he has heard people joking about how he’s the perfect soldier: soulless and quiet. truth be told, he’s just tired of feeling. when it comes to his weakness, weirdly enough, they’re also attached to his power and how linked it is to the person seungwoo is. his impulsiveness, his hot headed persona makes it easy for him to get out of control, to go berserk. it’s not been once or twice when he has gotten warnings from the higher ups, having part of his pay taken away for making stupid mistakes just because he got too angry, too consumed. in the end his biggest strength is himself, but it’s also his downfall.

//: LOADING HISTORY ..

PRE-MUTATION

november third, 1992 - 4:00AM

it’s raining when he’s born. a thunderstorm, her father will tell him one day as he’s all dressed up jeans and a polo shirt. but for now they’re scared he’ll even make it, all eyes on him and on his mother, prayers going around the room. but he makes it, so does his mother. they’re fighters, after all, born to live, born to win. seungwoo doesn’t cry when he leaves his mother’s womb, eyes wide open, looking around as if inspecting the place, as if being born is just another task he has to do. his father will also tell him one day that once a baby is born not crying is because their spirit is happy to come to the world, because they have a special purpose to fulfill.

seungwoo used to like that idea. now he thinks it’s utter crap.

january fifth, 1998 - 2:35PM

he is lying on the ground, one arm lying on his side, the other hand grabbing a wooden sword tight against his chest. there’s laughter and then applauses, and quickly seungwoo is on his feet, eyeing the crowd with a huge smile. he smiles, proud and happy, finding his family easily. they are in the front row after all, just as usual, mom, dad and his brothers: sungwoon wearing his school uniform, and the youngest on his mother’s lap. his family is not that old tired cliché of the broken rich family - the sad little rich boy, always alone, always waiting for his parents to come. no. his father always makes a place in his busy schedule for him, his mother is always there for all his little school plays, every single event. he comes down the stage still wearing his prince costume, hugging his mother tightly. happiness - he is so sure at the time that he’s found it.

august fifteenth, 2006 - 2:30AM

“are you sure no one knows?”

“honey, please. this doesn’t concern you.”

he is leaning against his father’s office door, attentive to not make any noise. seungwoo holds his breath, closes his eyes. he had seen it: the whispering, the two of them talking around corners. his father has been sullen, quiet, not like his usual self. he doesn’t know what is going on. he’s asked, of course he has, but all his mother does is smile, tell him to not worry, to focus on his studying.

“it does concern me,” his mother replies and it gets harder to listen. he gets closer, focus. “what will we do?”

“i have money to cover it, jiwoo. don’t worry for now. and if they don’t shut up even then, there are other ways. you know it.”

seungwoo hears steps, runs to his room. she wonders what other ways are those.

april first, 2008 - 3:55 PM

he is called to the principal office.

seungwoo walks through the corridors of her all-boys school, white floors as pristine as white shirt and black tie. his back is straight, eyes focused up front. he can hear them whispering, gathering in the classroom like roaches. seungwoo acts as if he doesn’t care, steps determined. he smirks to a friend as he passes by. anyone would think going to the principal is just one more of his school duties.

he sits down when asked, looks ahead, annoyed. the principal stares at him with that expression, the one that says it all: she would wish to be anyone but the one to carry the news she is about to give to seungwoo. the boy breathes in, waits for it.

one hour later he is in a car, going back home. it’s almost as if he can feel the eyes on his back as he leaves the school. they are silent, of course they are, but it’s almost like they’re shouting: the son of a crooked man, a corrupt businessman who was stupid enough to get caught. a fucking murder. it’s a weird feeling, seungwoo thinks as he fights against rage on the backseat of the car, to watch such a beautiful castle crumble. to find out its foundations that he once thought to be so strong were actually sand.

may twenty-third, 2008 - 9:00PM

it’s quite simple what happened: hes father owned a construction company. his father lied, used used cheap materials to make construction costs lower, ignored safety issues, all to make business more profitable. now one of his buildings had crumbled, killing twenty people, hurting at least fifty. he’s in jail as more and more shit is uncovered. there are journalists at the front of his house every day, a sea of interviews, his mother being questioned time after time as they tried to see where she fit in that whole mess. for now they’re playing the innocent family, the ones who didn’t know. which is true for seungwoo, he never knew. he thought his father was the best man he ever knew.

he wakes up from her sleep, the bad dream still ringing on his ears. seungwoo stands up, neck hurting from the uncomfortable position he was. he looks around, sees his younger brother sleeping by his side. he’s only thirteen years old. he deserves better than this. he looks at the time, dinner has yet to be served. they don’t have maids anymore, no one but their trusty driver, who decided to stay with them even if they can’t pay him anymore. they’ve been cutting excessive expenses here and there, all to pay or his father’s lawyer and lawsuits costs. but they still gotta eat.

“mom?” he calls, stands up and goes up the stairs. he looks around, call her again. but when seungwoo finally finds her in her room, he has to look up, eyes wide, heart stop beating for a second. he runs away. when he finally finds her, he wishes he didn’t.

may twenty-fourth, 2008 - 8:25AM

the media doesn’t respect even his mother’s funeral. security tries to keep them away but there they are, taking pictures, making a fuss. seungwoo doesn’t cry.

when they arrive back home seungwoo and his younger brother go to her room, lie on her bed. his older brother arrives an hour later - he smells of alcohol and rain, his shoulders damp. he scoffs when he looks at the ceiling. that chandelier had always been so pretty.

“she was weak,” her brother says, and seungwoo stares at him for a while. it’s the first time he punches him for real, though not the first time he wanted to.

it won’t be the last too.

november third, 2010 - 4:00AM

seungwoo feels his knuckles hurting, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. the place they live now is smaller and this bathroom with its white walls and low ceiling makes him almost claustrophobic. he hates the place ever since they moved in years ago, once sungwoon was old enough to be their legal guardian, once his father had no way out of prison and their money was running out. they lived out of what was left, lived out of what whatever sungwoon did for a living, seungwoo didn’t even want to know, fuck it. it’s not like they get along.

there’s a soft knock in the door and he looks up, watches as the youngest walks in. jiho has always been the best of them and he still is. he does well in school, has the brightest smile he has ever seen. their mother’s smile. seungwoo no, he is all their father, all lies.

“you two shouldn’t fight,” jiho says, touches his hand, “we’re brothers.”

seungwoo only nods, makes another false promise of doing better next time. he won’t, he won’t even try. he’s tired.

POST-MUTATION

unknown date, 2015 - hour unknown

he is drunk, that’s why he doesn’t remember. nothing flashy, really. he is at home, lying in his tiny apartment, the only one he could afford the rent for. he doesn’t even know how long he’s been there - lying, looking at the ceiling, drinking as if he didn’t have his stupid job at the convenience store tomorrow. fuck that job, really. but it paid the bills.

until there’s a flash of a light. seungwoo looks up, goes to the window, watches as it rain stars. 

he didn’t know he was this wasted.

two weeks later, 2015 - all the time

it’s like all he can see is rage, hate, consuming, destroying. when it starts to build up he curls in an u shape, shouts in his pillow. he can barely breathe, he can hardly take it.

july third, 2015 - 2:03AM

they find it after it happened.

he is sitting in an alley far away from the club he was just in. at first whenever it happened he’d lose consciousness, lose who he is. now it’s like he takes a backseat, watches flashes of it, comes back only to the destruction, to the afterthought. but he knows it was him, sees traces of what he is all over the violence. when the men in black look at him he smiles, all sweat and blood.

“so,” he says, trying to stand up, wincing in pain. his wounds always heal hurt more now, after it happens, “where are you taking me?”

january first, 2017 - 7:00PM

his body is sore, aching all over places he didn’t even know he could feel pain. training is hard, tougher than he expected, or at least tougher than he expected it to be after more than a year in this wretched place. he was one of the first ones to get in, his power one of the easiest to trace. how hard it is to find a guy who leaves a trail of destruction and god knows what else wherever he goes? not hard enough.

it gives him a sense of purpose though. a feeling of at least be doing something, living. his brother always used to say seungwoo was a good for nothing, that he wouldn’t amount to anything in this life. well, sucks to be him. as far as he knows he is stuck in some office, he finished law school, going the same path their father went. seungwoo wants very little to do with that. he wants sungwoon to fuck off. all the way off.

the only thing he misses from his old life is his little brother. for him seungwoo spun a history about a job abroad, lie after lie. he sends him money, half of what he gets so he can go to college and live well. he doesn’t care that he gets so little of his paycheck, not really. seungwoo himself is the smallest of his worries. 

to be here, in such a place, sometimes it feels weird still. he’s not used to having a partner, not used to working in a team. he’s not used to having to look out for others, carrying orders. but it’s his job so he carries on, does the least he has to to at least fit in a bit. fit in is enough, he doesn’t expect to go as far as belonging here. a monster like him doesn’t belong to anywhere.