#ITS SUMMER SO I HAVE TIMEEEEEE

[gojoed]

how i survive trimax, with tomfoolery. or rather, vashfoolery.

[feel free to request panels for me to edit/clean too]

[fruitbasketball]

question how do u keep up w the wbna theres so many games all the timeeeeee

lowk i treat the w just like i treat the nba and don’t pay super close attention unless its a matchup i really wanna see or it’s playoffs season

in the summer i go to a couple games if i can and i watch the draft

but i have fav players more than i have a fav team with the w

[theflowersystem-anewwitch]

Tw// physical and verbal abuse, internalizing, trauma

I don't know how to start off this vent honestly. I've been bottling everything inside for as long as I can remember, so thinking of what to type is kind of difficult. I do vent to my friends from time to time, and it feels nice, but I don't want to be dumping all of my shitty problems onto them. It feels like I'm using them when I do that, and I hate that feeling, so I try to vent as little as possible, or over menial things. Anyways, I went on a little rant, sorry!

So to start off, my parents have horribly verbally abused me for as long as I can remember, my dad sometimes hits me with his belt. I can never make a mistake, or I get yelled at. I have to be perfect at all times for them. I'm used to it, honestly, but sometimes it feels like I'm trapped in a dark box with no way of escaping.

My moms out of town for the month, so it's just my dad, my siblings, and I. Since Mom's gone, I have to do basically everything around the house except cooking (my dad thinks I'm too stupid to cook for us). My siblings are supposed to help me, but they expect me to do everything for them, which is fine, I can do everything for them. But my finals are in a couple days and I need time to study. Obviously my dad would help me out by doing something around the house, right?

Wrong!

Instead of helping me, he yells at me and tells me I'm lazy for not being able to do absolutely everything. When I started to leave, he scoffed and said this "God, you're turning into a good for nothing teenager right in front of my eyes." That doesn't seem that bad, right? Except for the fact that I literally can't remember anything from my childhood whatsoever. Only little bits. So now I'm wondering how I got this old so quickly, with nothing to show for it. I'm wondering how I got so fucking useless so fucking quickly. I'm wondering how I turned into "a good for nothing teenager."

My Dad probably has reasons to why he said that, like how I barely talk to him, how I don't come out of my room except when I'm called, how I flinch at every little thing I see because I think its going to hurt me (he just says I'm a wuss and a weakling because of that last one). Maybe it's because I don't like hanging out with you at all, because when I do, you always hurt me in some form.

My mom says I need to spend more time outside of my room with friends, but when I do, she says I don't spend enough time with the family. But when I do spend time with my family, she just says I should be more social and hang out with my friends, it's either that or a huge argument breaks out between one of us, and I hate loud noises, so I just leave. Then she guilt trips me with a long talk afterwards about how it's really rude to just leave like that.

On another note, I have so much shit I have to do in this last week of school before winter break, and I'm so tired, so fucking tired. I wish I had more fucking time because on top of finals, I have a piano recital in a church (church's make me very uncomfortable) in front of lots of, probably homophobic, people. I can't deal with large crowds. My brain automatically shuts down and I get all shaky and sweaty. I just wish I had more time to prepare for everything, and it certainly doesn't help that my dad keeps insulting me every single fucking chance he gets, or that he doesn't help me in any form as I ask him for help with just small, menial, tasks around the house.

Its so annoying, I just need more TIMEEEEEE DJDHDGDHGDFHDG

-Summer