#If I disrespect her I can be stung - she is no longer insignificant.

[msexcelfractal]

I used to believe that bugs were little robots. Lots of people do, it’s the prevailing opinion next to “i’ve never thought about it”. Then I watched a mother wasp mourn her child. An animal who stretched after a nap and did little dances when her daughters returned from flight. Now she is opening her fourth capped hexagon and finding a pale white stillborn. She grasps the baby gently in her jaws and does not put it down for over 24 hours. Carries her loss, pacing back and forth the length of her enclosure. It is not the behavior of a robot.

So I think about the prior odds. Scenario A, bugs are robots. Why do I believe that? Because they are so tiny. Because if they are not robots then my world [where “insect exterminator” is a job title and I can buy a can of mass death at home depot] does not make sense. They must be insignificant.

The wasp makes me reconsider. Scenario B: her kind are like mine. cry when we are sad and happy when we play. Has this feature evolved many times? Or is it common to all the children of the precambrian worm? Every shark in the ocean swimming in their own feelings. Every bird and every cat knowing the thrill of being alive? The wasp made me realize that my whole moral picture is wrong. We’re not alone on this planet,

[lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love]

Request: Is it ok if I stay anonymous when/if you post it ⚠️trigger warning⚠️ can do a request where the teen Reader is part of the marvel cast and they notice that the reader has been acting different until one day they find a letter from the reader wishing she was dead but they save her life and talk to her about her problems. Thanks —(anonymous)

Notes: I’d like to thank (anonymous) for the request!! I hope you like it. Please read the warning too, my friends, it’s important.

I mean no disrespect by writing or posting this, and in no way do I take the themes and topics discussed in this story lightly. So if you’re triggered by any of this, I suggest not reading it.

I don’t own any of the gifs/pictures used.

⚠️⚠️Warnings: Suicidal reader, suicidal thoughts, reader considers suicide, worried co-stars/friends, bad writing ⚠️⚠️

Word Count: 756

Masterlist: Click Here & Here

You’ve been dealing with depression for a while now

It started around the summer you were entering high school

You’d been bullied horribly throughout middle school, and you did your best to not let your negative thoughts/emotions overwhelm you

You wanted to be the bigger person

You figured you could handle it on your own, so you didn’t tell your parents, not wanting them to worry

But the summer going into your freshman year was when those emotions and thoughts consumed you

Your parents suddenly divorced, your best friend no longer wanted to be associated with you, your father left without so much as a goodbye once the divorce was finalized, and it felt like your entire world was caving in on you

You spent a great deal of time crying, alone either in your bedroom or the bathroom

God, if anyone saw you crying it would make you feel even worse

You stayed composed around people; you let your thoughts and emotions consume you even more when you were alone

By the time you graduated high school, you were an emotional and psychological wreck

Emotionally, you were numb

Happiness, anger, fear — you couldn’t feel it

It’s like your brain just... shut down in that department

You mimicked other people’s reactions, just to come off as normal

That wore you down even more

Not long after graduating high school, you managed to get into acting, which seemed to be a perfect fit for you

People pretending to be other people? You do that nearly every day!

At 19 y/o, you land your first gig at Marvel, and you have to say the cast is amazing

Not only are they incredibly talented, but they’re funny, supportive, and reliable

They’re also very perceptive

They noticed almost immediately that something was a bit off about you

They noticed it gradually getting worse the more you worked with them

They assumed it was something personal, something you’d tell when you’re ready

What they didn’t know was that your depression was at its worse, and it was making you believe the only way to feel happiness/relief was through suicide

You never mentioned your depression to anyone, not wanting to burden those around you with something you deemed trivial, insignificant

But filming the latest Marvel movie weighed heavily on your mental health

You felt like everything you did was wrong, even when you received positive feedback, to you it seemed fake, like you were being lied to or they were attempting to make fun of you

You started to slowly distance yourself, not wanting to associate with the people who seemed to be belittling you in your eyes

Their kindness stung, their affection was suffocating, their support was overwhelming, their compliments made you feel ashamed

It wasn’t until one night you came to a sudden conclusion: the only way to escape your pain, to escape the intensity of your depression, would be to kill yourself

You spent the next couple hours writing lengthy suicide notes to your costars, planning on giving them out the day before you did the deed

You decided to keep the notes in your trailer so you’d have them ready, so you brought them with you when you came to set the next morning

You left the notes out, without even thinking

You’d gone to hair and make-up to get ready, and Sebastian went into your trailer to ask you about something, unaware that you weren’t there

He saw the notes

He couldn’t help but read them

He freaked out

He made a group chat — excluding you — and brought it to everyone’s attention

They all freak out

By the time you leave hair and make-up you’re surrounded by your costars

Scarlett: “Y/N, why didn’t you tell us?”

Chris (Evans): “You know we’re here for you, you don’t have to keep anything from us.”

RDJ: “We love you kid, you mean the world to us. Please, we just want you to talk to us.”

Anthony Mackie: “You’re our best friend, Y/N. Your life is precious, we can’t imagine a world without you in it.”

It’s too much

You start crying

You try to tell them what’s been going on, but your sobs are making your words incomprehensible

It’ll take time for you to recover, for you to feel even a little normal

You know you’ve got your costars to talk to, but that won’t be enough

You’ll need professional help, but at least you know the cast truly cares about you

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

@treasure-that-is-what-you-are