#If only I wasn't so scared to write fandom type posts on tumblr

[anonyhun]

GUUUUUUUUUHHHH

[awakefor48hours]

Rises the Moon

[Fanfiction.net] || [AO3]

Fandoms: Avatar the Last Airbender Warnings: None Characters: Azula/Katara (Azutara) Additional Tags: POV Azula (Avatar), (kinda an azula redemption but idk how well that works for this so i wont tag it), Good Azula (Avatar), < i am tagging that though, Post-Canon, Azula Needs a Hug (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, I Wrote This While Listening to Girl in Red's Music, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net

Summary: Katara visits Azula in prison.

You ever just get the urge to write an Azutara fic based on a random thought you had once? Basically just this fic.

Ever since Azula was imprisoned, she's spent most of her time reflecting. Mainly reflecting on the fourteen years of her life and how she got to be where she is now. It's not like there was much else to do in her cell. The main thing she found herself reflecting on was her position in the war. There was no denying her involvement but it was over now, so all she could do was think. 

What was she even trying to do? After her time spent behind bars, she began to realize that she didn't even care about the Fire Nation much anyway. She only cared about people, very certain people. Her parents, Zuko, Ty Lee, Mai, Iroh, all of them. She let all of them into her heart, fought tooth and nail to get to the end goal, and was now the farthest away from anything. She fought for power but now had to beg for control. 

She wished she could start over. Do it again from the beginning. She would go with Zuko, she would join the Avatar, she would've loved her friends more than feared her father. She would've lived in love and felt fear. But it wasn't meant to be. Now she was stuck here, probably for the rest of her life. No one but the dank walls and occasional visits from her brother, who was now the Fire Lord. 

At least, it was usually her brother, but recently someone new would also visit her cell. The water tribe girl, Katara.

Azula still remembered the first time Katara came to visit her and it was strange. The weight of the world seemed to increase tenfold when she saw her face, panic set in as the events of the Agni Kai played over in her head again. The way she was so easily overpowered, completely frozen in a block of ice in under a second, then found herself chained the second she came to senses. That was terror, pure terror, and Azula was now at a point where she would admit that. She was scared of Katara. Katara made her feel like prey trapped in a cage, as the predator would watch. She was able to overpower back then and who's to say that one day she wouldn't want to finish the job?

It's for this reason, Azula barely remembers their first interactions. Katara would stop by about once a week, maybe to check up on her or get properly aquatinted. Again, Azula barely remembers their first interactions. But as time passed more and more, Azula started to allow herself to open up to her. If she was going to regain some control over her life, she had to give even Katara a chance. She was already living in the worst case scenario.

After allowing herself to open up to Katara, she slowly began to feel a bond to her. Katara was actually quite an interesting person. She had plenty of entertaining stories to share with her about her time travelling across the world and about Toph, the blind earth-bender. Every time Azula heard Katara's stories, she started longing for that type of life. Azula could've had Katara's life, she could've been able to enjoy these peace times with Ty Lee and Mai right now if only she had gone with her heart. 

Azula wanted to wallow in this thought but that was when Katara said something to her that stuck to her. "Azula, you're allowed to be angry." Azula didn't want to answer at first. Her conversation skills were already bad before she was imprisoned but now they've only gotten significantly worse. Best response she could muster in this situation was just looking at her in the eyes and trying to nod appropriately to what she was saying. "This isn't fair. Everything that happened to you wasn't fair and you're allowed to be angry but just make sure you're not angry with yourself. You're changing and that's good."

A wave of emotions washed over Azula. A wave of anger, a wave of sadness, a wave of joy, all of them crashing over her at the same time. What should her response to that be? She would be stuck in a damp prison for a war that was started before she was born. A war that she lost. A war that she experienced loss. But also, a peace time that let her talk to Zuko again. A peace time that let her potentially start a new friendship with the one who defeated her. Everything was confusing, everything was changing, everything was the same. Just a few sentences and Azula's head was spinning. 

"I'm sorry, Azula, I didn't mean to upset you. I'll--"

"No," Azula's voice was slightly hoarse due to amount of talking, or lack of, she was used to now, "I appreciate it." What she said next surprised even her but it shows that she was changing. "Thank you, Katara."

With that Katara gave her a smile. 

As time pasted, along with introspection, Azula has also started dabbling with poetry. She wanted peace and her uncle seemed to have achieved it, copying his perspective on life seemed like a good way to go. She was living in darkness but it didn't matter how long or prominent the darkness might be, even a flicker of light would be enough for her. It would help her out of her own darkness. At least that was what she told herself. It seemed too on the nose but this was just for her.

As she thought more about any other potential poetry she could tell herself, her cell opened and it was Katara, as she expected. If there would be any light in Azula's life, she wanted it to be Katara. Ironically Katara was what fire should be, tender and warm, not destructive. She did still embody the water tribe though, she was gentle but also she was light. Light in a way that fire wasn't supposed to be. She wasn't the sun, she was the moon. She rose when times are darkest and reflects the light of those around her. 

Maybe that was Azula was trying to get at earlier. Light always exists and right now, in the depths of Azula's darkness, Katara was the light. Katara was her moon. 

If you're wondering about Kataang's relaitonship status in this fic you're asking too much from me /joking. I didn't think about it and purposefully didn't add it because I want to leave it up to reader interpretation.

[boundlss]

here's my full comprehensive post about how i feel about writing my canon muses, combining 3 of my favorite things (talking, lists, making people read shit only i care about). yaaaay.

shirogane kei - he is both one of my easiest and favorite muses to write. i'll never ever complain about people asking me to write him more, nor will i ever leave or abandon him no matter how few people are left to enjoy him. i love shiroe so much.

minagawa kanami - she actually is a lot harder for me to write even though i love her. her voice tends to be inconsistent, i think, and i struggle to write high energy characters in general, but i still love getting to explore her dynamics.

nyanta - SLEEPER PICK!!!! i looooove nyanta. he's awesome. writing him is fun because of his unique voice and dialogue quirks and i love characters like him in general. like, older gentlemen archetypes hehe. it helps that he's a cat man. i love cat men. and catboys. but cat men are a good flavor. middle aged men who are cats or catlike ... nyanta san ....

abe no hirari - my little meow meow ... he is not the most consistent muse but he gets to stay here because i love him. the second muse i've ever picked up who proposes marriage to people he's just met ... anyway, i love him and i love plots with him. hirariiiii ...

lee seung-gil - i actually love writing him. i like when muses aren't very energetic and tend not to talk as much hahahah ... he doesn't get asked for but i wish he did !! i love him. he's easy to write.

roland fortis - VERY energetic so i can't write for him alll the time but he has a very unique speech pattern that makes his dialogue interesting. i can't bring myself to get overwhelmed---he's roland. he'll stay on my blog forever hahaha. he was one of my first muses on tumblr after i left bnha that WASN'T a bsd muse, and anyway it was the first time i picked up a muse from something recommended to me by a friend ... anyway, writing him is very special to me so i will continue to.

jim hawkins - i have not written him much at all but i would liiiike to. i've always related very deeply to him---i stumbled across treasure planet for the first time just after my dad left me and i was about jim's age so it sort of stuck with me. he seems like he'd have a somewhat challenging voice but i love him so i'll write through it hahaha.

sokka - to be honest writing him actively scares me. i like him, but he has a difficult voice for me to pin down sometimes, and i'm not really a person who writes major characters in popular media so the idea of having attention for my sokka muse is something that makes me nervous ... liking him is not always enough to lessen that fear hahaha.

jet - my actual favorite atla character though i'm also very scared to write him. i just struggle with larger fandoms in general but his voice comes more easily to me and he's more within the realm of the type of character i normally write and enjoy.

ty lee - i love writing ty lee as long as i have the energy for it. she's easy to get down and i like having muses with energetic voices! i am also scared to reach out with her but again, larger fandom, more worries. haha.

stolas - it might surprise even my friends to know that really love stolas ... haha, well, the hellaverse fandom intimidates me and i see fantastic stolas portrayals out there so i tend to ummm never reach out with him. ever! but i LOVE writing stolas! i love thinking about stolas! he's by far my favorite part of helluva boss and his voice comes very easily to me!

striker - a close second to stolas ... i've been trying to take baby steps with my hellaverse muses and that's writing striker more, apparently, not that i've done any of that quite yet ... well, i love cowboys and antagonists and he has a great voice to write. i am just very scared!

stella - well ... she's only here because i wanted to rewrite her and i haven't gotten the opportunity to go that in-depth yet ... it's hard to say.

vox - haha. well, he's actually my favorite character in hazbin and i think about him a lot, but i am even more scared of writing him than of stolas if you can believe it! he's only here because a friend of mine was emphatic about my adding him being a good thing, but that friend already has a different main vox so mine doesn't really have a place with the group i'm a part of or really with the groups i'm not a part of, so it's extra scary to even try saying anything about him hahaha. i think he'd be really easy for me to write as one of my homebrew dnd deities i do a lot of musing about is very much like him, but ... well. haha. the fear and such.

mukuhara kazui - i love writing him. it's fun, it's easy, he's a cat man if you read deeply enough into the cat metaphors, he's lived his life as a servant to the expectations of people who don't deserve his time ... that is to say, he's perfect for me.

kaito - i LOVE LOVE LOVE kaito, and i wish more people did too! i love kaito! he is my favorite vocaloid ever i love him so MUCH! i love writing him, i love talking about him. ahhhhh. kaito san.

yuezheng longya - you know i also really love longya, probably as much as kaito ... the chinese vocaloids will always have my heart but longya's design always captivated me hahaha. his voice is middling and sometimes hard to pin down but nevertheless ...

gumi - sleeper pick! i love gumi. i'd love to flesh her out more, she's so nice to think about. please write with my gumi hahahahaha.

five pebbles - ever since i got into rain world he's been my very favorite!! he's a little difficult for me to write but i don't mind because i love him and his themes a lot. um, i think everyone should interact with him, ever.

aalto, encore, rover, jianxin, chixia - i'm excited to write them all but the game just came out. i think i'll enjoy it but it hasn't been a week hahaha.

the long quiet - a fun and challenging muse. it's hard to write something that isn't really anything, but is also everything. i like the ordeal and i love the long quiet conceptually. slay the princess is awesome.

the princess - same hat! ^

vernon roche - um ... a polarizing muse. i like writing him but i hesitate to engage with a lot of people who write witcher muses using roche because his character is widely misinterpreted as being more sinister than he actually is. not that he's a good person, but ... anyway, i do love writing him a lot. i just don't like when people i don't know jump in with him and expect me to play into fandom views.

cahir aep ceallach - my favorite son boy, he is both easy and fun to write, i love you cahir!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 no further notes.

dandelion - sleeper pick! i love writing dandelion and find him the most fun out of ALL my witcher muses ahahaha. he's the greatest of all time. i love you dandelion.

milva - she's new to me, so i'm anxious to write her but alslo excited. it will probably be challenging as i don't write a lot of characters like her but she brings me a lot of enjoyment so i'm ready to handle it ahahaha.

isengrim faoiltiarna - i love him, but he's a little difficult to write and i always worry i'm doing it wrong, which is insane because he has like 3 canon appearances. he scares me but i love him. i will endeavor to be less scared of him.

tom sawyer, huck finn - actually they're the only muses of mine to have received no votes on my interest checker so i know people don't care for them, but i love mark twain a lot and have voraciously consumed everything about his books, so they're probably staying no matter what. i find them both middling to write but they're staying.

aradia megido - sleeper pick. i love her and i love thinking about her. she wasn't one of my favorites until my most recent reread and then i fell in love very suddenly haha. middling to write but i love her. worth.

latula pyrope - very easy to write but naturally tends to draw less attention ... in any case i love her.

feferi peixes - the hardest to write and lowest activity of my homestuck muses! she's one of my favorite characters but it's so difficult for me to find her voice sometimes!!! argh!! and i am afraid of getting her wrong because of this.

jade harley - about as difficult to write as feferi. i find jade very complicated and worry i'm leaning too far in one direction whenever i try to write her, but i'm doing my best and i love her so i'll continue to try hard.

dirk strider - i'll be honest ... i hate writing dirk. he is very complex in both dialogue and character and i struggle to feel like i'm doing him justice. i enjoy dirk a lot, don't get me wrong, but every respoonse i write with him is a self-doubting struggle. if it weren't for the people i know want to write with him he probably would have been removed because of this, but i will keep trying for your sake!

vriska serket - i'm scared to write her but i want to so so so so badly hahahaha.

shang qinghua - my favorite hack author---easy to write, easy to get, no complications. i wish there was more interest in him! i love him!

shen qingqiu - it's been pointed out to me that i'm a lot like him in most facets of my personality so i hate him. that said, he's frustratingly easy and fun to write and think about, so he'll be staying hahaha.

luo binghe - it's not helping the sqq allegations but i actually love binghe, i love writing the type of character who is so singularly obsessed with something ... anyway, easy to write, easy to think about.

all of my CATS muses - well ... i expected no one to write with them, but i wish people would. it's my favorite musical and there's a lot i could say about these cats!

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins. 

[malexfan10]

What is it about Malex?

I was playing around on my phone at work (when I should have been working lol) and came across some article about the best TV couples. It was published in 2018 so Malex wasn't in it lol

But I was going through the pictures in the article and I saw a lot of the couples I've liked & enjoyed over the years listed. Pacey & Joey, Captain Swan, Haleb, Stydia, Kurt & Blaine etc.

I started thinking...what is it about Malex that makes them extra special for me? What is it about them that made me join Tumblr and Twitter for the first time? I never had either before this year. What is it about them that made me write more fan fic in the span of 3 months than I have in years of watching other shows? And I'm someone who studied English Lit in university and have written many novels, hoping to finally pursue publishing this year with one of them. But the amount of fan fic I've typed out the past 3 months? My hands seriously hurt!

So why is Malex so special?

(I made a collage below)

Is it because they're an LGBTQ pairing? There have been other LGBTQ pairings I've rooted for. Malex isn't the first and they won't be the last. Times are changing in TV land and we're seeing more and more representation. It's progressing slowly, but it is changing.

Is the reason Malex is extra special a shallow reason? The actors are both incredibly good looking. No getting around that. But I loved Haleb too and Tyler was one half of that ship. I adore Joshua Jackson and Dylan O'Brien. I think Holland Roden is beautiful. In the couples I've followed over the years, all the actors & actresses have been attractive in their own ways.

-- side note -- I know I put Destiel (SPN) in the collage below even though technically they're not a couple but some of their lines over the past decade, I mean come on! It's so obvious! --

Anyway...

Is it the chemistry between Tyler & Michael? I thought Katie & Josh had amazing chemistry. Only reason I watched PLL was for Haleb and the friendship between Tyler & Ashley. Some of the couples I've rooted for really sizzled on screen. Do I think Vlamburn has better chemistry than all the others? Not necessarily. I think they tie for first with some of my other faves (although I would probably rank them above right now just because they're current).

So what is it about Malex that made me so emotionally invested that I joined social media like this? That I've written a bunch of fics and have so many other concepts cooking in my head.

I think it comes down to the angst at the end of the day and how the story has been written.

I've directed a lot of disappointment and anger towards Carina and the writers since that finale because I'm afraid the triangle will grow and span multiple seasons. I'm afraid the writers will show Michael really starting to have deep feelings for Maria the longer M&M exists (I know Vlamis said in those last interviews that his feelings for her are already very deep but sorry Vlamis. I love you but I don't see that yet.) I'm afraid now that they know they were renewed, they'll drag this storyline out, pursure M&M and then Michael with other relationships if/once M&M ends with Alex just waiting in the sidelines, moping and heartbroken.

But despite all my fears and disappointments after that craptastic finale (seriously, I can write a 20 page essay), I have to give the writers their credit.

The story they wrote, the beauty they created in Malex, with that amazing angst and history and love is the reason I'm so invested.

"Where I stand, nothing's changed"

"I never look away"

"That I loved you and I think that you loved me."

"Cosmic"

"But you are mine"

"I don't look away Guerin"

"I love him. I probably always will"

I mean, these lines all exist. No one can take those words away. Yes, the writers can try and diminish it by shoving another relationship down our throats & attempting to give that relationship the same level of meaning and importance (sorry, not buying it. Hardly anyone is). But those lines will always be there.

The epicness of Malex will always be there.

That beautiful first kiss in the reunion will always be there.

Their connection in senior year, bonding over their painful childhoods and living situations will always be there.

Caulfield, although bittersweet, will always be there.

Michael Guerin wanting to be Alex's hero will always be there.

The angst and love between them is just unbelievable. I don't think any other couple I've rooted for over the years has had the same amount of angst or history. Their story is just beautiful.

I don't cry too much in movies or TV shows unless there's a really sad death that hits me hard. LOST was one of those shows where I sobbed constantly (Jin & Sun's death, Juliet's, Charlie's...I could go on).

But I cried after that last scene in episode 6, when Jesse destroyed such a beautiful and pure moment 🥺

I cried at that moment in Caulfield 🥺

I cried at the finale, watching Alex just waiting there while Michael....let's not remind ourselves 🤨

So yes, the chemistry is unbelievable between Tyler & Michael. How close they are offscreen shines through their performance and this is in a cast where everyone's close. But with Vlamburn, especially from Michael, he's so unfiltered when he talks about Tyler's eyes or the way he kisses or just how much he loves him. What can I say, they make me love Malex more ❤

Yes, they're both incredibly good looking but that's a miniscule, shallow reason. How good looking a couple is in no way compares to how much their emotional connection matters, at least for me.

So really, it's the story. It's the history. It's all that profound, made for each other, soulmates love that they share. It's the incredible angst that makes me root for them even more.

And yes, as much as Carina and crew have angered me after that finale and after their insistance of shoving this triangle down our throats and in our faces, they did create Malex so I have to be grateful for that. Vlamburn perfected it and made it epic but the concept came from Carina (trust me, it hurts to give that credit).

So as much as it still hurts with what happened, as much as seeing the M&M promos bothers me, as much as I'll be a sobbing mess once season 2 hits and Alex realizes what happened, I have to believe that this much care and heartbreaking angst was given to this couple for a reason. That reason has to be that Malex is endgame.

Can Carina change her mind about Endgame Malex? Sure she can, if she wants to lose a substantial percentage of the fandom. But I can't believe she'll do that.

I can't believe that Malex is anything but each other's ending.

I can't believe that this beautiful love story we've seen between 2 men who started as scared, lonely boys and are now broken men trying to put themselves back together is anything short of EPIC.

I can't believe that M&M, however painful and ridiculously unnecessary, is anything but a bump in this road for Malex.

All that matters is how the writers take us from point A to B.

Does their separation last for 4 more seasons (pending renewals) and Malex reunites in the series finale, season 5? God I hope not. I need to see them existing as a couple together on screen, not just a kiss and makeup moment last episode and assume they made it. So once this teenage level of triangle nonesense has been dealt with (please let season 2 be the end of it!!!!), I really hope the writers realize the amazing couple they created and give them their due justice by bringing Malex together for good.

Episodes 1, 2, 3, 6, 8, last Malex scene of 9, beginning of 10 and all of 12 point this show towards one inevitable ending with Malex and that's reuniting (did I get the episodes right?). Just keep your fingers crossed it happens sooner rather than later. Right now, that's where my main fears lie.

This fandom has been super great about lending support to one another when things get tough. Unfortunately, things will get even tougher next season so it will be good to have this great support.

As far as the promos and interviews we'll be getting between now and 2020, I'll try to only watch interviews that Michael & Tyler give together and avoid anything that seems like M&M promotion (outside of full cast interviews or festivals etc). I love all the actors on this show. They're all wonderful and talented and deserve our love and support (not commenting on that Nathan instagram thing).

But as a Malex fan, I have no place in my life for unnecessary stress from a TV show because honestly, as invested as I am, it's still just a TV show. No need to give myself more heartbreak before season 2 even airs by watching pro M&M interviews like yesterday. I'll just stay in my happy Malex bubble until then (and then die when I see M&M next year 😭).

In the end of this long post, all I wanted to say is that Malex is extra special, head and shoulders above others ships I've rooted for and that's mostly because of the beautiful story I've seen on screen but Vlamburn defintely plays an imortant part in making it epic ❤

I'm a Malex lifer. Nothing will ever change that.

❤