#It's a cropped hoodie with open shoulders that lace up and little cat ears on the hood

[softichill]

I finally got some clothes I've wanted for years and I am so fucking cute and cool you WISH you were me

[2jiung]

-ˏ͛ aesthetic tagˏ´- 

tagged by @jisusgf (thank you for tagging me baby! <3) tagging @junhee-s @nctyz (you don’t have to if you don’t want to ofc! & if anyone else wants to do this, just say i tagged you !!) rules bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold.

soft

baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night

dark academia

neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story

edgy

closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks

seventies

colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | diy-ing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding

preppy casual

collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

cinanamon

gold jewelry | slowdancing in the kitchen with a lover | sun on skin | red-tinted lip balm | lazy mornings | getting lost in foreign cities | scent of bakeries | high-waisted jeans | kissing someone’s neck | writing reminders on your wrist | sleeping in braids to have waves in the morning | growing an herb garden | gentle touches | sketches tucked between pages | flushed cheeks | tandem bikes | floating in a pool | vintage gold hand-mirror | deer grazing | softly singing while doing chores

jaesmintea

oversized everything | painted nails | fairy lights | dozing off in the middle of class | tying hair up into a ponytail | round glasses | laughing so hard you can’t breathe | late night study sessions | tender hand holding | impromptu photoshoots | drowning in moondust | bathing in the light of the sunset | strawberry flavored lollipops | polaroid pictures | eagerly tugging someone down the street | handwritten love letters | smell of coffee | living with reckless abandon | crinkled pages of a journal | replaying the same part in a song over and over

naptimetea

everything black | rewearing your favorite outfit | drawing late into the night | rewatching favorite shows | the bread aisle | minty lip balm | falling asleep anywhere and everywhere | making green tea | useless questions when it’s 2 am | forehead kisses | sleeping in till the afternoon | love of pink | staying up to watch the sunrise | dancing in the bathroom | messy handwriting | pile of sketchbooks | talking for hours about interests | old sentimental stuffed animals | hanging out on the bed and doing nothing | thick fluffy blankets

jeonginks

the thrill of leaning your body way over a balcony’s edge | the suffocating feeling when the strong wind blows down your lungs | tip-toeing barefoot | hair ruffling and cheek pinching | hugging a body pillow at night | facing the sky with closed eyes | the whimsical silence when it’s past midnight and you’re the only person awake | when you can physically feel your eyes soften when you look at someone | dancing alone with only an oversized shirt | when your sweater falls over your thighs as you stand up | humming scary but memorable lullabies | vivid imagination | sitting with a mini skirt and thigh high socks | heated laptop on your lap | cereal at 3 am | gliding your fingers across your thighs | bittersweet melancholy | withdrawn and distant eyes | very tight belts | wanting love but not believing in it | not cruel but not kind

scxrlettwxtches

listening to a song and remembering the times you used to listen to it on repeat | imagining yourself living in any other life than the one you have now | crop tops and high waisted jeans | forgetting to smile but not actually being upset | nuzzling your face in the crook of their neck | back hugs when you’re stressed | turning in assignments 1 minute before they’re due | wanting a relationship but getting scared the moment you’re in one | pretending that you don’t care when inside you’re burning with doubts and fears | the sound of the evening waves as you lie on the sand | lying in your bed listening to your sad playlist | exhaustion but you can’t sleep | singing loudly when you’re the only one home | feeling safe and comfortable with that person in your life | knee high suede black boots with your black winter coat | comfort over appearance | writing essays at 2 am | creative peak from 1 am to 4 am | the one that always ends up walking in the back of a friend group

hyunsracha

split-dye hair | female rappers | staying up until 6am and sleeping until 1pm | taking notes on an ipad | middle school emo music | mini skirts | late night drives | rain on the ocean | flirting with people when you’re bored | doc martens | eating ramen in the pot | afraid of being looked at | fishnets | getting joy out of making people laugh | small tattoos | crying yourself to sleep | peppermint everything | desperate for freedom | chipped black nail polish

maaneskin

silver jewelry | knowing few words in different languages | loose pants with tight shirts | always different hand writing | drug store perfumes | big cups and mugs | loads of blankets | sweatshirts and hoodies | antique boutiques | dark clothing with colorful socks | having your window open 24/7 | always listening to music | dancing in the bathroom | putting stickers everywhere | cats | dandelions are flowers | can never have too many plants | a lot of lip balm | stacks of notebooks | bear hugs

cho1jisu — jani

speaking so softly you have to repeat yourself | heart shaped everything | fresh flowers in your room | pastel stationery | naming your plants | only double knotting the laces on your right shoe | midi skirts and small tops | random poems scrawled across old receipts and napkins | being late to work because you stopped to pet a cat | loving people from behind the scenes | uneven smiles | curled eyelashes | lots of anklets | making handmade gifts | paint covered jeans | keeping a journal | taking a picture of your mom everywhere you go | pressing flowers | cheek kisses | calling your friends by petnames

mirror-mv 

resting your head on someone’s shoulder | flower-shaped earrings | writing birthday letters for friends | tinted lip balm | shimmery eyeshadow | drawing little flowers on my papers during class | talking to your pets | spending hours walking around in fabric stores | letting your friends sit on your lap when there aren’t enough seats | rewatching childhood movies with your loved ones and reminiscing those times | picnic dates | paint/pencil stains on your hands and arms | sitting outside with your friends during a party and looking up at the nightsky | skipping and dancing around the house | cycling with one hand on the handlebar and the other one holding your friend’s hand

[dragon-writes-sometimes]

Once Upon A Time... Not, Chapter 3: Whatever Doesn’t Kill You…

Chapter Summary: With the move out of the way, all that's left is school. Things don't go Virgil's way, however. He and Anastacia do get a new friend, but also an enemy. Why does he have to be different from everybody?

Trigger Warnings: Bullying, a bit of swearing, spiralling of thought, anxiety.

Word count: 2835

AO3 link

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter   -   Chapter 4

Chapter 3: Whatever Doesn’t Kill You...

Well. It’s bigger than I thought it would be. With the limited income we get from Father’s job, I didn’t think we would get this big of a house for that little money. Maybe more people are moving away from rather than are moving to Gainesville. I don’t know. I have no idea how stuff like that work.

“Alright, kiddos. Time to conquer our new home.” Father’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. Right. This is where we live now.

Ann gives my hand a small squeeze and leads me inside. She knows I don’t like change, so she takes the lead and guides me into our new home.

The day goes by fast. We get our stuff moved into the house, choose rooms, boxes everywhere by the end of it.

Father’s on the phone at night. It’s close to the summer break, so I’m imagining he’s talking to someone about school. I’m not sure if I’m ready to go back yet. I really hope we can keep the same arrangements. That would be nice. He already said Ann wasn’t going to go back to school for the rest of the school year since it’s so close to the break.

Speaking of, Anastacia’s in her own room, no doubt decorating it with all her quotes and the drawings from me as well as her own. And the paintings we worked on together. And the ones with Mother. God, I miss her.

Summer goes by mostly uneventful. I don’t come out of my room often. The box I found in my old room I hid away. Under my bed. How ironic. I get back to drawing, Father takes Ann and me to an animal shelter. He wants to get me a support animal since I’m getting panic attacks whenever I’m alone. We end up adopting an albino German Shepherd. She’s very young. The girl who was working at the time said she was waiting for the right owner to name her. I named her Maia. Maia seems to really like her name because she responds every time I say it.

Summer’s ending. I don’t know what Father has found out about school. I’m just cuddled up with Maia on my bed, scrolling through Tumblr. Someone knocks at my door. From Maia’s reaction, it’s Anastacia. She just looked over at the door and laid back down again. Had it been Father, she would’ve moved to my side. It’s astounding how good she is discerning who is knocking at my door.

And sure enough, Anastacia comes in. “Hey.” She gives a small wave. “Father, he wanted me to come get you. I don’t know why, but he sounded serious.” She pauses slightly and looks around my room. “You really need to get the last boxes unpacked. This is not healthy.”

“I-I’ll be ri-right down.” I still don’t talk much, but Maia’s helping. I’m talking more than before the move. Ann looks really happy. She’s always delighted whenever I try and speak. I know she won't pressure me into it, and for I’m grateful. Father, on the other hand… I don’t know. I don’t think he has this whole ‘single parent’ thing figured out yet. I don’t think I have, either.

I look up to see that she’s gone again. I was lost in my thoughts again. Maia starts nuzzling my cheek as if sensing my thoughts. I’m happy I got her. She’s amazing. And she’s jumped off my bed, looking towards the door. Right. Father wanted me downstairs.

I look around the living room when I get there, Maia in my heels. “Y-yeah?” I ask as I spot Father sitting at the table. Something’s off with his demeanour. He looks up as I get closer.

“Hey, sport. How, uh, how’s it going?” he tries with false cheer. I shoot him the most unimpressed look I can. He sinks back into his chair and sighs. “Look, this is not something you’ll like very much, so please sit down, Virgil.” Okay, what’s going on? I’m starting to freak out. Maia nuzzles my leg, whimpering a bit. I scratch her behind the left ear, calming down at the action.

“Father, you’re starting to freak me out. What’s going on?” Ann voices the question for me. Another deep sigh from him. He shifts and produces some papers I hadn’t noticed.

“It’s about school. I talked with the administrator or whatever. We can’t make the same arrangements. You either go to school or not at all. They just don’t have the funds to make it happen. I’m sorry. We’ll go shopping for school supplies for you guys tomorrow. It’s last-minute, but it’s all we can do. I’m really sorry. I’ve spoken with them about, uhm, about you not talking much, Virgil. They say it’s alright. They’ll pass it along to your teachers,” Father finishes. Great. And here I went and thought today would be a good day.

Anastacia is by my side immediately. She starts massaging my shoulders at the tension that’s beginning to build. She’s the best. And Maia is at my feet, creating a warm and grounding sensation. How did I get this lucky?

“Well, when we get our schedules, well make sure to stick together as much as possible!” Ann says, fiercely. And I believe her. She’ll do anything to protect me, as I will her.

The last of the summer break goes by with a blur, and suddenly we’ve reached our first day as seniors at Gainesville High School. We are headed to the Principle’s office to get our schedules and a school guide. I’m so freaking scared. What will the Principle think of me? What will the guide? I’m basically mute at this point in my life, and I’m only 16! They’re gonna think I’m a joke and laugh at how stupid I am! And- oh God! I have to share classrooms with a bunch of teenage strangers! Who will judge me for not talking at all! Oh, God, I’m sweating! Will they notice I’m wearing a binder? No, they can’t. My hoodie’s too big for them to see. But what if they demand I take my hoodie off? Then they’ll know. I don’t like this, I wanna go home to Maia and curl up with her and never leave the house again!

“…il? Virgil, hey, look at me. Please? Virgil!” I’m thrown out of my thoughts by someone circling their finger in my palm. Who? Oh yeah, Anastacia. “There you are, Vee. It’s going to be okay. I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. But we need to have a clear head, kay?” Anastacia speaks softly. We’re standing in front of a door. Must be the Principle’s office. ‘T. Sanders’, it says. I nod. That’s all I can really do at this point. I certainly don’t trust my voice to actually hold. My fingers are shaking too much to sign, so that’s a no-go, too.

Ann knocks on the door. Three times, softly. We hear a muffled “Come in,” and we enter. I’m just looking at the floor, letting Ann guide me to the chairs we end up sitting in.

“Anastacia and Virgil Blake, I presume?” a man speaks up. We both nod. He sounds nice, so I chance a glance at the man. He looks to be in his mid-to-late thirties. He has a very kind smile. That’s one of the first things I can tell about him. “My name is Thomas Sanders. I’m the Principle here at Gainesville High School. Now, you’re here for your schedules. I spoke briefly with your father at the end of the break. Said he wanted for you two to have schedules that somewhat corresponded to one another. I’ve also let the teachers know about you, Virgil. I know anxiety can be tough, and we’re trying to be all-inclusive.” He hands us our schedules while he’s talking. He has such a pleasant and calming voice. He reminds me of… no. not going down that road today.

The door opens behind us with no warning. I literally jump out of my seat like the scaredy-cat I am. Ann lays a hand on my shoulder and guides me back into my chair. “Whoops, sorry. Didn’t think you’d already be here,” a sheepish voice says from the doorway. I look up and see someone our age. They are wearing all black clothes. Long-sleeved crop top with a view of the shoulders. Skinny jeans which aren’t too tight. Combat boots with yellow laces. And a bowler hat? A very stylish one, with a silver band around it. It doesn’t make them look out of place, nor does it throw off their outfit, but still. A bowler hat. Who wears bowler hats in school?

“Ah, still haven’t learnt to know, I see?” Mr Sanders tells the newcomer. “Anastacia, Virgil, this is Nini Lupa. Your student guide. She’ll show you around the school and take you to your first class of the day.” The other student, Nini Lupa, winks at us and gives a two-finger salute. “If there’s anything, just go to her. “Have a great first day here,” he smiles at us as we follow Nini out the door.

“Sorry about the dramatic entrance. I really thought you wouldn’t be here yet. Anyway, let’s get the run of the place, shall we?” Nini says, clapping her hands together once as she speaks. The bell hasn’t rung yet, so there’s still a lot of students in the halls. They’re all looking at us. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

She’s done with the tour just as the bell rings the second time. “If there’s anything else, here’s my number. Just text me,” she smiles at us, as she writes down her number on a small notebook she produced out of nowhere. She hands each of us a little piece of paper. “And this is your first period of the day is at. Good luck, guys. And I’m serious. If there’s anything at all, hit me up. I really won't mind.” She waves us off and leaves to go to her own class.

“She’s certainly an interesting one,” Ann says. We open the door and see that the classroom is already filled. I feel tiny right now. There’s like, at least more than 20 people in here. I can’t remember when the last time I was surrounded by this many people was. And all of them are staring at us like they’ve never seen another person before. Oh yeah, and they are all like, 17 or 18 years old. Ann and I skipped a grade a while back, so we’re always the youngest.

“Ah, glad you could make it!” the teacher says. “I’m your Psychology teacher, Miss Singh. Everybody, these are our new students, Anastacia and Virgil Blake. All the way from England. Do try to be nice, for once,” she says, earning a chuckle out of the other students. “Please take a seat next to Emile and Qikkie. Raise your hands.” Two students raise their hands, and Ann and I walk over to sit next to them. It’s in front of the class. I won’t miss a thing like this, and I won’t have to worry about any strange looks I know I’ll receive. I’m just glad Miss Singh didn’t make us tell about ourselves.

Miss Singh is much different from any teacher I’ve had in the past, so it’s a fascinating lesson, to say the least. The bell rings, and we pack our stuff together. Emile and Qikkie both say hi to us before heading to their next lesson of the day. As do we.

Ann and I don’t share a lot of classes today, and I hate it. There are some faces I end up seeing more than once during the day, though. One being Nini Lupa. Turns out, she also skipped a class and is really smart. Another person I keep seeing is a boy I think is called Jake. Something about him is off-setting. He seems like the type of person you’d want to avoid, so that’s what I’m going to do.

The last lesson of the day is AP History. Great. I know nothing about it. Give me art any day. The teacher, Mr Anderson, seems nice. And it also seems like he wasn’t told about my, uh, mental state. He asked me a question, and I can’t answer it. Like, I actually know the answer, but I can verbally answer it. Luckily, I share this class with Nini. She’s been nothing but kind and helpful. “I’m sorry, Mr Anderson, but didn’t Principle Sanders tell you?”

“Tell me what, miss Lupa?” Mr Anderson looks at her quizzically. He doesn’t know. Great. He actually doesn’t know.

Nini looks at me for my permission to tell him. It’s going to be in front of the entire class, but I still nod to her that she can.

“Virgil doesn’t talk much due to his anxiety. It causes him to not be able to speak a lot of times. I thought Principle Sanders told every teacher.” Mr Anderson look surprised at first, but it soon changes to understanding.

“Oh, I’m really sorry about that then, Virgil. Could you perhaps write down the answer instead? You look like you know it,” he asks. He’s given me a way out, though. I can decline if I want to. I end up writing it on a piece of paper and give it Nini. She reads it aloud, and Mr Anderson looks impressed. Apparently, that was a hard question not many actually knew the answer to.

Rest of class proceeds with tension. Not from Mr Anderson, but from the other students. I get a lot of weird glances. I don’t look at the others directly, but I know. I’m trying so hard not to have a panic attack. How would that look? Oh, the new boy can’t talk. He’s probably doing it for attention. And now he’s having a panic attack in the middle of class. Such an attention whore.

The bell rings. It’s time for lunch. I think. Still haven’t figured the American school system out. Nini says her goodbyes to me, she has to go to the library to meet up with a friend of hers that need help. I go outside to get some air. Father said to call if I became too much for me, and I’m seriously beginning to consider doing so.

I shoot a text Ann’s way to tell her I’m outside. I sigh and find some shade. Everybody in the school probably knows I’m a freak now. High schools are infamous for being ground zero for gossip after all. As long as they think I’m contagious or something, like the students back home, they’ll leave me alone. “Hey, freak!” Or not.

I look over minutely and spot that Jake guy. Great. The off-putting dude. He was in Mr Anderson’s class. Everyone seems to hurry out of his way. Welp, I’m doomed, and it’s only my first day here. This is how I go. Finally, someone decided to put me out of my misery.

“Hey, I’m talking to you! Just because you can’t speak, doesn’t mean you get to ignore you superiors!” he hisses out at me. Oh, so that’s how it goes? I’m suddenly the lowest of the low just because I can’t speak? That makes me stupid, somehow? I steel my face and put on a bold look. I turn to him, and that quickly crumbles when I actually get a good look at the guy. He’s huge. I’m nothing compared to him. I’m just the new scrawny kid you get to throw around like a ragdoll.

I’m standing underneath a tree, but I take a step forward and out into the sun to meet him head-on. Show him I’m not scared of him, even though I’m terrified. Doesn’t look like I’m getting any help from the surrounding students. I’m all alone against a giant.

“Or maybe you can talk, and you just pretend so you don’t have to say anything in class. Nah, I bet an emo like you aren’t that smart.” He’s going for my looks now. This is fine. I can handle it. I just gotta wait until Ann gets here and then it’s two against one. I don’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

And before I know it, I’m on the ground. My head knocks against the tree, and it hurts like all hell! He must’ve pushed me or something. I don’t really recall. All I can focus on is the pain in the back of my head.

“You’re fucking weak. A weak freak! No one’s going to help you. You know that, right? They don’t dare go against me, and they couldn’t care less about you!” he laughs. I can’t help but let out a tiny whimper because it’s true. I can see it on their faces. They won’t help. I don’t know what going to happen now. I just wanna go home and never leave again. I-

“OI! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”