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#It's coping night tonight
laulo821 · 1 year
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i refuse to believe he had such a lame death in take back the night (or that he died at all) so i decided he was still alive and in the nether - actually, he's the one who showed the pigmen how the wither works in find the pieces. cause you really think PIGMEN (or, well, piglins now i guess) could figure that out on their own? not me
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tardis--dreams · 2 months
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There's been interesting developments at work and i need to do a lot of work for university so i think tonight is the Perfect time to finish beyond evil
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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heartshattering · 5 months
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they should invent a nighttime that doesn't make OCD worse
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inkykeiji · 6 months
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clari i just want to remind you that dabi would absolutely comfort you and do anything he could to make you feel better about this whole character situation (*cough* because he’s the only one who’s allowed to make you feel miserable *cough*) and that our beloved daddy raisin is here for you
ANONNNN please i’m so 。゚(。ノωヽ。)゚。 you’re so right!!! actually to be entirely honest with you i have literally been thinking about like, how he’d react to this news (both in canon and out of canon as my f/o HAHAHA). like dabi’s such a selfish bastard, and he likes to pretend that he doesn’t truly care for anyone, but no one can convince me that he wouldn’t at least feel the slightest, tiniest, faintest little twinge of betrayal at all of it. and then he would naturally brush it off with a gruff and apathetic ‘whatever, doesn’t matter, he served his purpose in regards to my goals so why do i care’ etc etc but i do think for a tenth of a second that he would feel like he had been lied to, like none of them ever truly knew who tomura was in the slightest, like tomura was never really one of them in a genuine sense before the shield of indifference sets in.
could also see him being like man, every single thing about that guy was completely manufactured, what a fake! disregarding tomura’s genuine love for the lov members, even if that love was based on ideals that were never his own.
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wickedhawtwexler · 1 year
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i feel like i hardly ever take sick days when i’m actually sick, it’s almost always when i’m just sleep deprived
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glitxd-shenanigan · 11 months
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thumbnail sketches for echoes of the ward
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#I don't know what my purpose is#and I don't know what's out there for me#I feel like I'm stuck and disoriented between what's real and what's not#whenever I get home I would open a game and just stare at the screen confused and just... feel nothing#I'd turn my pc on and just keep it on as I lay in bed.. then turn it off after 3 hours#and tonight is one of those nights again#during commute today I remembered things.. dissociated during my bike ride home#and feel things that I felt in my childhood#sometimes I want to ask them “what about me”#am I your child or a place to dump your frustrations on#why do you love them more than me#why won't you give me what you gave them#why do you only give me attention when I have bad grades and when I do bad at school#do I even know if your love is genuine#please just#ask me.. your child.. if they're doing ok#just for once I want to hear that from you. just for once I want it to be the other way around#the kick that caffeine gave me back then “helped” me cope and ignore things around me#apparently my family has this dna mutation that made the effect of caffeine similar to drunkenness#honest to whatever is up there that coffee makes me way more drunk than alcohol do#covid made it worse. I'd down that shit from the kettle itself#shit also broke trust and friendship#and yet.. my friends believed in me and they are still willing to help me#I've been slowing down consumption ever since I landed my second job + therapy + intervention#Happy birthday to me
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izzy-b-hands · 7 months
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Trying to make my brain do anything today has just been case after case of 'well, half-assed is better than nothing I guess.'
#text post#idk why i have such bad post-survey mental dips every time but I always do#literally last night before end of my shift was like okay brain. it's ok that we aren't working after this. this is fine.#there's another survey in two weeks (for ONCE they told us in advance) and in the in between other things I can do to keep making some mone#and I felt really confident abt that at that point! wish that confidence hadn't been so misplaced bc I did in fact spiral#was actually exhausted enough to just eat shower and sleep after work but the shower was just a big spiral w/crying and scrubbing lmao#whatever. did a mini vid in the new outfit i have for the side job and will do dishes tonight#plus I'll get my shot done bc that's a day late now too#prolific and cloud i got a bit done too and i'll keep checking those thru the night#i actually wanna play gta for a bit & try it with the controller but i feel guilty every time i so much as look at steam so. we'll see#i just need to do something else useful today bc tomorrow will be a full filming day most likely so. gotta make today useful too#I know it must sound like im not really trying to work with my brain on this but i shit u not#this is my brain when im actively employing coping skills and other things to try and counteract the 'work or die' mindset#i dont know how to make it any better and at this point I don't think I can#this was baked into me as a kid lmao bc even playing needed to have a point/story/some goal to achieve#or why the fuck was i playing with my barbies or metal toy cars or dinosaur and horse figurines to begin with#im rambling to put off doing the dishes ignore me lmao
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chloelouygo · 1 year
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self care is cancelled we're drinking rum and reading looking for alaska
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the-kipsabian · 1 year
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like im sorry he is gorgeous and i am Gay
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eutonous · 1 year
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listen i know i fucking know but when siken said "a man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he's still left with his hands" he was so fucking right
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lesbianlotties · 2 years
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uh oh!! she (me) has end of the year anxiety!!!
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nonbinarygamzee · 1 year
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i need girl so baddddd where is she where did she goooo
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marinehero-a · 2 years
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just... Garp @ Shanks is such a mess        he’s that one kid who his old rival picked up   ( and depending on which theory/headcanon you subscribe to, one that Garp agreed for Roger to look after )   who’s always there in the background during his fights with Roger though never tried to capture, maybe even a bit fond of           he’s that brat who managed to survive the marine’s culling and hunt of Roger and Garp can never admit a treacherous part of him was relieved at the fact             he’s that absolute bastard who convinced luffy to become a pirate behind his back, condemning his grandson and forcing Garp to become enemy to more of his blood             he’s the Emperor who saved Koby’s life, but was too late to save Ace’s because if the man had just been a moment earlier--- 
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got the fucking anxiety… gonna work on autistic gifs or something today to calm myself down
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yououghtaknow · 1 year
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hard thing about Being Me is i will write things that are So Good but i cannot show them to people because it will mentally destroy them
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