#JakJak Hux-Ren

[crepeycrepeyspacewizard]

Father's Day prompt- 'Galaxy's #1 Dad' mug

[Wow this got out of hand! Nonny please accept 2,008 words of kid fic. BB is the nonbinary child of Hux & Hux in Modern Emperors while JakJak is the dimension hopping monster son of Kylux from Laeti Vescimur Nos Subacturis & To Sleep, Perchance.]

JakJak liked this world. It was simple. Just humans, low tech, and - apart from the language - it was easy to navigate.

The language made no sense. He’d heard people speaking multiple tongues here while the trade language seemed to be Basic. But the writing didn’t tally up.

For example, his friend BB spoke Basic, though they called it English. They kept trying to teach him the letters, but the nature of his travel made it hard to follow. He didn’t always find himself here sequentially. He still wasn’t entirely sure how he moved between universes at all.  

Once, a few years ago to him but three months in the future for them, BB had shown him some weirdly two dimensional holos that they thought would explain matters. But the ‘movies’ had just confused him. He didn’t travel at 88 miles an hour. Nor was he a human-looking droid. He just went and there he was, nothing more to it.

He’d work it all out one day he knew, but right now he was more interested in learning about the places he visited and the things he saw.

Today they were out with the babysitter, not on any particular mission just ‘out of the house before they drove them out of their mind’.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing with a hand that was mostly human right now.

BB rolled their eyes. They were the only child of the local rulers - two copies of his own father offset by a few years - and they never seemed to take his questions seriously.

“It’s a book shop.” They said, then continued when his expression didn’t change- “where you buy books. And all kinds of silly things because people don’t buy books any more.”

“What’s a book?”

Pinching the bridge of the nose and wearily closing golden eyelashes was such a father gesture that JakJak actually feared he’d get reprimanded. BB had insisted they weren’t a clone, but at times like this JakJak really didn’t believe them.

“Paper, with writing on it. To record and dis-trib-ute knowledge.”

“You sound just like father,” JakJak said. “Wow. I can’t believe you still have those, I’ve never seen one in real life. Papa has one but he’s says it’s full of ancient Sith secrets so we’re not allowed to see. I thought you had datapads?”

“Yes, but some people still like paper.”

“Huh.” JakJak crinkled his brow. “Why is the window all full of blue cards and balloons?”

“Oh.” They looked at the signs. “It must be Father’s Day soon. Dad says I ‘shouldn’t fill the house with junk’ but I know for a fact he’s kept every macaroni and paste picture I’ve made in my entire life, and I’m pretty sure he still has the travel mug Dad had made the year I was born. So I’ll still get something.”

JakJak could feel his frown deepening as it always did when BB talked about their fathers  as singular ‘Dad’. It was hard to follow which one they meant, though the few times he’d seen them he hadn’t been able to tell them apart either.

Except that one time at a picnic when they’d taken their shirts off to play some sport or other. JakJak had been surprised to see that one of them had almost the exact same shoulder scars as his own father, though he lacked the ones one his belly and back.

That had been disorientating. JakJak was used to seeing copies of his father in every universe, but until then he’d thought only his father and Papa Carolus had those scars. He’d wondered how many others had them too, but he’d yet to work out an unwierd way to ask.

“Your fathers set up a day just so that people would buy them gifts?” He asked, mildly appalled. “I thought Empire Day was bad, but at least that wasn’t father’s idea.”

BB shoved him none too gently. He had the strength to resist but that usually worried people, so he let himself fall into the wall instead.

“What?! No!” They cried. “It’s like a hundred year old holiday or something! People had been celebrating Mother’s Day for years and they decided to make a Father’s Day to balance it out. So everyone buys their parents gifts. Well. Not everyone. Some people have awful parents… Dad gets a lot of work on those holidays.”

For some reason BB’s fathers still laboured under the misapprehension that their child didn’t know they were assassins. Of course JakJak’s Papa Kylo killed people all the time, but he was the Emperor’s Lord Protector. For some reason that seemed more honourable than assassination.

JakJak didn’t say that though. Last time he’d said that outloud BB had pushed him into the Puget Sound. He hadn’t liked that.

“Oh. Okay.” That seemed safe.

“Hah! Look at this!” BB called excitedly from the window. “You should get two of these! Oh, I might get two for Dad too.”

He really hadn’t understood the sentence but JakJak dutifully peered at the object indicated by BB’s finger. It was a white mug with incomprehensible local scrawl across the side.

“Uh, what does it say?”

BB sighed and looked ready to tell him off when they suddenly stopped mid-breathe. “Oh. If you can’t read it then they won’t be able to either, will they?”

JakJak shook his head.

“I wonder if they sell any kits?” They said thoughtfully.

JakJak liked sitting at the table in Dex’ apartment. There was cookie jar in the shape of a cat in the middle, and Dex never complained about him eating them all. Or about serving him raw meat. That was nice. A lot of people didn’t like to handle it.

He liked this Dex. This Dex laughed a lot more than his own. But then this Dex still had their Mitaka. In his universe Papa Kylo had killed Mitaka by accident long before JakJak was even born. That was a strange thing to think about. It made his chest feel funny, so he stopped.

BB had spread paper all over the surface of the table and arranged the four mugs so they could show him how to use the kit.

“Write on the surface with the pens. If you go wrong wipe it off with the alcohol wipes. When we’re done Dex can put them in the oven to cure before Dad gets here to pick me up, when you have to go home.”

“Ok.” He nodded and picked up a purple coloured pen. “What should I write?”

“The mug I saw said ‘Galaxy’s Number 1 Dad’.” BB said, writing the words on the paper as they spoke. “I thought that was funny since you said your father was Galactic Emperor.”

At the sink Dex snorted but didn’t turn around. JakJak put his tongue out at them anyway. It was a very long tongue, and forked today, so he felt it made his point.

Writing on the shiny surface took a lot of concentration and it was only when he’d finished that JakJak realised he still had his tongue sticking out between his teeth. BB didn’t notice- they were too busy staring at his writing with their mouth open.

“That’s Basic?!” They asked, apparently stunned but something as simple as writing.

JakJak laughed. “No, the letters are called Aurebesh.”

“Oh my god, that’s what Dad writes in when he wants to make notes no one can read!”

The last part was a conspiratorial whisper, like it was some kind of secret Dex shouldn’t know about. JakJak didn’t really understand why.

“Can you show me how do it?” Now that would be easy.

The Emperor kept a clear desk. It was a point of pride. It was also a point of keeping his Force damned sanity in the face of a horribly complicated galaxy.

Which made the pair of white cylinders sitting in the middle of the desk a source of irritation.

Who the pfassk had dared to leave… oh.

They were mugs. Very primitive stoneware mugs, exactly the opposite of the opulence that surrounded them.

A child had written on them.

He picked up the closest mug.

One side read- ‘GALAxY’s #1 fATHeR’ while the other bore the words ‘JAkJAK LoVEs YoU’.

Hux stared at it in confusion.

The other was the same but read ‘PApA’ instead of father. No, not the same. The writing was raised. It seemed like multiple layers of paint had been applied so fingers could detect the words.

With slightly trembling hands Hux carried them gingerly through the palace, opening doors with his elbows, until he reached the nursery.

Alia was standing on a box next to JakJak’s crib and clinging to her blind father’s robes as the pair watched the infant sleep. He was almost a month old but it didn’t look like the novelty would wear off anytime soon.

“Kylo?” He whispered, desperate not to wake the child he’d only persuaded to sleep an hour ago. “I found these in my office. Any idea what it means?”

Kylo studied them for a moment, borrowing Hux’ eyes to see what his fingers and the Force couldn’t show him.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it means we’re the best fathers in the Galaxy?” He said with a grin.

The stare Hux gave him should have caused him to combust on the spot, but he just let his grin widen.

“Who left them there?! I know it wasn’t Alia, her handwriting is much better than this!”

Without looking away from the baby their daughter gave a prim, “thank you!”

“The clue is on the mug, Bren. JakJak did this.”

“He’s only 27 days old!”

“And he saved me from Snoke a month after he was conceived!” Kylo snapped back. In his crib JakJak stirred. Kylo reduced his volume as he continued, “this is just the way he is. We always knew he was different. We should expect… different things.”

Yes, perhaps they should. But in the scheme of things, time travelling just to make sure they knew they were loved should not count as a cause for concern.

The bed shook at the sudden assault.

“We’re being boarded, all hands to battlestations!” A sleepy voice said from under its pillow.

“Dad!” BB squealed when the other man-shaped lump in the bed reared up to envelope her in the sheets.

“I’ve captured the interloper Lieutenant General Hair Dye, what shall I do with…”

There was more screaming as the other figure sat up and hurled its pillow at the first. “Lieutenant General Hair Dye! How dare you?!”

“DAD!!”

“I apologise, let us make peace and defeat the invader... with tickling!!”

“DAAAAD nooooooo….”

“What do you think Auren? No mercy?”

“Of course!”

It was another ten minutes, and one of their fathers literally falling out of the bed, before BB admitted defeat.

“I surrender! Also, your coffee is going cold!” That, at least, was enough to force Auren to accept the surrender while the coffee would still be drinkable.

BB sat on Eamon’s knee to watch as Auren reached for his own mug. He turned white when he saw the text, which was impressive for a man as pale as a Hux.

“Auren? Are you okay?” Eamon asked, concerned.

Auren’s weaker left hand was shaking and threatened to spill the beverage on the sheets.

“Did you write this, BB?”

They nodded. “Yes, Dad, I made one for both of you.”

Eamon glanced at the mug on his side of the bed. The writing on that one was in English, not the angular but oddly familiar text on Auren’s mug.

There was silence for a moment as Auren seemed to weigh his options. Finally he put the mug carefully back in its place and turned to hug them both.

“One day you’re going to tell me where you learned that, okay?”

BB didn’t entirely understand, but they knew enough to take the out when it was offered. “Of course, Dad, but I don’t think you’ll believe me.”

“No, no I think I will.”

[crepeycrepeyspacewizard]

Laeti Vescimur Nos Subacturis - The Kylux Addams Family AU

“And there is our credo - Laeti Vescimur Nos Subacturis - we gladly feast on those who would subdue us. Not just pretty words. As a future Hux, you understand completely, don’t you Kylo?”

Chapters: 22/22 | Words: 69,632 | Rating: Explicit | Read The Tags

I did it!! It’s done!!! It’s finally finished!! The Emperor has taken his throne and a year to the day from its inception the dark comedy Kylux fic that features such wonders as “Snoke Ships It”, “Warning: Misuse of the Force May Lead to Sexual Excess” and “The First Order Runs Entirely on Celebrity Gossip Magazines” - is complete at last! 

Art by the ever fantastic @m-oarts . Eternal thanks to @sinningsquire and @huxplicit for keeping me going. It’s been a hell of a year. Thanks Kylux!

[crepeycrepeyspacewizard]

For character development thing, JakJak, numbers 3, 17, 18, 22, 23, 30, 35, 36, and 44?

3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Which one?!? So most canon Kylos find him hard to relate to, he doesn’t have the force, he feels weird to them, like there’s someone running nails down a chalkboard. Cryptids Kylo thinks he’s fucking hilarious. They first met in a bar when JakJak looked about 18 and he got them all thrown out for underage drinking even though Donal and Kylo never met him before but the family resemblance is obvious. Oh wait I have a commission of that scene.

TS Brendol (his bio-dad) does his best but he had a new Empire to run and having the first baby you actually raise yourself turn out to have too many teeth from birth and start dimension hoping at 6 weeks old? Not good. They love each other and he always comes home but they don’t really understand each other. Carolus adores JakJak and a lot of that is to do with his own mother Neavben who took a monster baby suddenly turning up amongst her grandkids in her stride. Meanwhile Auren is going to punch him if he ever sees him again. RIP Auren’s hand :p

17. What was your character’s favourite toy as a child?

He had a stuffed giant dalyrake that Neavben knitted for him. Brendol (having nearly lost his arm to one) hated it. 

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Wisdom, ambition is nothing without it. JakJak has met Auren’s Kylo and he’s not impressed.

22. What does your character like in other people?

Open-mindedness. He likes people who can talk to him without freaking out. He knows he’s not normal and he appreciates a person who doesn’t point out his size/teeth/tentacles/wings/whatever he’s manifesting today.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

He’s a very relaxed creature but he won’t stand for another threatening any member of his family. Even the batshit evil ones. He’d defend Necromancer Hux as readily as he’d defend Animal Welfare Hux.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Literally nothing. He eats carrion and inorganic substances depending on the universe he’s in. He honestly could stand in a septic tank and not give a shit.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

Extremely loyal, very helpful, but also helps himself, he has no concept of ownership beyond ‘this is the family’s property’ and ‘this should be the family’s property’. The more he likes people the more he relaxes. Relaxing for JakJak means losing form so with Rowan (his best sister-friend) he’s often just a shifting mass of darkness and non-human extremities with a grin in the middle

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

He eats them if he can get away with it. If he can’t then he’s a snarky little shit.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

JakJak has never been in love. He has no particular sexual attraction to humans and his Fiorinian heritage has made him too wary of getting involved with the creatures he is attracted to. He has an abject terror of making more creatures like himself. 

He tells his family constantly and always means it. But usually just before they find out he’s made a mess somewhere. Like “Hi Daddy! I love you! Byeeeee!!” immediately followed by “JakJak, why is there half an Admiral in the closet?!?!”

[crepeycrepeyspacewizard]

Speaking of JakJak. It’s the return of the monster bab. I thought I’d lost this one

[crepeycrepeyspacewizard]

I can’t stop thinking about toddler JakJak turning up with a Pallas cat/potoo gryphon kitten and just causing all kinds of mayhem. It’s all @fox-king-vincent ’s fault.

Sitting on the ceiling while it flaps around shedding feathers on Kylo’s robes. It getting under the throne and making that weird murrrrm call when Hux is trying to make a speech. It stealing dinner straight off the table. Neavben making it a little sweater. ROARING/MOUTH OPENING CONTESTS. The little shit tearing up the sofa then pretending to be a tree stump. JakJak trying his hand at camouflage and being slightly too good at it. The fact that it’s litter tray is always spotless and somewhere in another universe a Kylo wakes up to fresh poop in his helmet every.single.morning. Little JakJak riding it like a flying pony. JakJak getting too big and encouraging his baby siblings to ride the gryphon instead, Hux getting grey hairs as a result and thanking the void that all the other kids have the Force. It finding an assassin’s ysalamir in the Imperial bedroom and summoning adult JakJak to gut the would-be murderers. Finding a clutch of gryphon eggs and ending up gifting them to his six favourite step-siblings in other universes. Donal getting an angry phonecall from Unamo because Riley got one. Kylo insists they adopt it. It stops someone from stealing the Fury so he names it Christine. It is a very male gryphon. Kylo doesn’t care.

Also- Hux- no pets in the throne room. JakJak- why is papa in here there?