#Jimmy is his favourite child in this incident

[thestarwarslesbian]

Gibbs, driving the team home after a case: *Passes a McDonalds* Tony, Ziva, McGee and Abby: McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s! Gibbs, pulling into the drive through: I’ll have one Black Coffee. Team: Boo! Gibbs: And a chicken burger meal. Team: Yay! Gibbs: For Palmer. He didn’t pester me for food.

[softquietsteadylove]

Hello!!!

I miss cute interactions between Jack and Thenamesh!! Would you write something sweet? Jacks birthday party for example. So he can introduce his cool aunt and uncle to his friends. And Phastos totally disliking it?

THAAANK YOUUUUUU

"You must stop sulking, Habibi," Ben chuckled as he patted his husband's shoulder. He emptied another bag of pretzel sticks into a bowl.

"What ever happened to having a secret identity, hm?" Phastos huffed as he peeked out from the kitchen and into the living room. "He's in there telling them that his 'superpowered' relatives are gonna lift the freakin' car for them."

"He's exaggerating," Ben excused for his son, as well as maybe hoped that if he said it then it might be true. "I'm sure they know that."

Phastos just sighed as Jack's friends oohed and awed at Gil and his muscles as three of them hung off one of his arms. "He has to at least make it look like it takes effort."

"They're children," Ben shrugged, offering Phastos some pretzel sticks, "and look at him."

"Baby," Phastos turned to his husband, "if you start checking out my own brother, I swear to-"

"Could you blame him?"

Ben just laughed, while Phastos nearly jumped a foot in the air. He put his hand on his chest, "Thena!"

The Warrior Eternal merely looked at her brother, enjoying her newest favourite American snack: cheese puffs. "The children are enjoying themselves."

Jack had eagerly asked Uncle Gil and Aunt Thena if they would be around for his birthday party. They agreed, of course, although Gil may or may not have whispered in Jack's ear that Aunt Thena wasn't really one for crowds. Jack, being a very sweet and considerate boy to his favourite Aunt, told her that she didn't have to hang out with them the whole time.

She had emerged to greet them and then for cake, solely to oblige her dear nephew. She smiled, "kids love Gil."

Ben smiled at the look on the surprisingly gentle hearted woman's face.

Phastos shook his head at her, "that look on your face makes me long for the days of Kievan-Rus."

Thena punched her brother right in the side.

"Aunt Thena!"

Thena shoved her bowl of cheese puffs into Phastos's hands (who was both already holding the pretzel sticks and also still winded from her punch). She smiled at Jack, leaning down to him, "are you enjoying your party, Jack?"

"Come on, everyone wants to see Uncle Gil lift you up!"

Thena let Jack pull her along into the living room with everyone else. She eyed the children among them, "hello."

"Miss Thena, is it true you picked up Jimmy and his friends on Halloween?"

She tilted her head at the question, as if she hadn't even understood the words. She looked at Gil.

"Remember the kid who took Jack's candy?" he asked, which immediately sparked some recognition in her. "Yeah, the one you picked up from the back of his jacket."

Thena nodded, indeed remembering that incident. She looked at the child who asked the question, as well as the others crowded around them for the answer. "We work out together."

"I told you they're cool!" Jack hollered, to which his friends also cheered their agreement. He looked up at them, "Aunt Thena, will you lift me up?--please?!"

Gil nodded, "sure thing, bud. Just not like she lifted up Jimmy, or you could get hurt, okay?"

Thena looked at Gil, and then down at her precious little nephew. Humans were so delicate already, and children were a whole other story. She sighed, "very well."

Jack and his friends all whooped and hollered as Thena lifted him right up off the ground like it was nothing, holding him under the armpits like a baby, or a pet.

"Enough," she smiled as she set him down again, making sure he was unharmed from having his body weight held from just two points.

"Me next!"

"No, me!"

"Me!"

"No," she stared the kids down without hesitation. They all just laughed, unbothered by the dry response. "Only Jack."

"Okay, okay," Gil laughed, ready to intercede for the sake of his wife. He came up behind her bending down and scooping her up on his shoulder without a care in the world. "Aunt Thena is off limits now."

"Uncle Gil!" Jack laughed. His friends all admired his display of strength.

Luckily the living room had a higher ceiling than the dining room and kitchen. Thena leaned over slightly anyway, her hand on Gil's opposite shoulder and her hair swaying against the back of his neck.

Phastos sighed, left with just the pretzels and the cheese puffs, "unbelievable."

[potionboy3]

Character profile

► basics;

Full Name:  Oscar "Brandy" Crouch

Birthday: 11th June 2006

Pronouns: he/him

Sexual Orientation: bi until proven otherwise

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw Blood Status: Pureblood

Nationality: English

Personality type: INFJ ► personality Brandy is a bit odd, likes to stay away from attention but also gets along with people and doesn't have anything bad to say about anyone. People tend to like him and want to invite him to things but he just prefers to stay alone most of the time. He's smart, academically and in other ways too and he has a good sense of humour. Brandy rarely gets angry but when he does, he's like a storm. He and his older brother are very different but if he's angry, he suddenly turns into Jimmy.

► magical info;

Wand: Acacia wood with a dragon heartstring core, 14 ¼ and quite flexible flexibility

Acacia was a type of wood used in the creation of wands. Garrick Ollivander found that wands made from Acacia were difficult to match with a wizard. Acacia wands generally refused to produce magic for anyone but their owners, but conversely, seemed to withhold their full power from all but the most gifted wizards. As such, Ollivander only kept a small supply of acacia wands in his shop. Owners of acacia wands were generally subtle wizards, as wands made from this wood were generally unsuitable for what Ollivander termed "bangs-and-smells magic Patronus: Dapple Grey Stallion

As strong as his mate, a dapple gray stallion will stand protectively between you and any Dementors that you encounter. This stallion is strong and proud, with more than enough strength for the both of you to stand against Dementors. You and he will be more than a match for any forces of darkness, sending them scattering under his powerful, thundering hooves!

Patronus Memory: When Jimmy got him a history book for Christmas and it was the first time he had given him anything.

Boggart: Jimmy being arrested

► background;

Pre-Hogwarts: Brandy was his parent’s favourite child and quite spoiled and happy. He wasn't used to hearing the word no but being a very tender child, rarely asked for anything either. He and his brother weren’t really close while he was a child. He was always interested about history.

► physical;

Faceclaim: William Lodder

Eye Color: Blue green Hair Color: sandy brown

Height: 185 cm, 6 feet  

► story;

Brandy and his older brother Jimmy have a 10 year age gap so by the time he was 8, his brother was already moving out and distancing himself from his life. Brandy went to Hogwarts and got sorted into Ravenclaw and turned out to be a very good student. His parents were proud. He didn't make many close friends since he was quite introverted and preferred being alone although people were interested about him. On his fifth year his brother got in trouble with the ministry and was almost prisoned. After the incident his father disowned him. Brandy felt sorry for his brother and hoped to form a better relationship with him despite of what his parents thought. to be continued...

 ► relatives;

Father: Kerry Crouch

His father is the younger brother of Barty Crouch senior. He lived his life whole life in the shadow and the two were distant, even though they both worked on the ministry in same department. He made his brother and his son a warning example for his own sons. His father was very proud of his grades in school and wished for him to work in the ministry like most of the family. He wasn't really interested about what Brandy himself wanted and instead wanted to keep his perfect picture. Brandy didn’t ever feel too connected to him and was never that comfortable with being praised or receiving the attention.

Mother: Velma Crouch Velma was a housewife who had hopes for a big family. She didn't think she could have children after Jimmy was born which is why she favours Brandy more than Jimmy. She was mostly quiet and let Kerry do the raising of the children. Velma loves Brandy most in life.

 Brother:  Jimmy Crouch

Brandy and Jimmy were never close due to their age difference and neither tried much to fix this. It was only after Jimmy got arrested that Brandy decided that what their parents are doing to him isn’t fair and he wanted to form a better relationship with him.

► relationships;

Love interest: Open Friends:  Knox Wytte @nelabelievesindragons​ , Open for more 

Allegiances: Ravenclaw house

Enemies: Open 

► misc;

Hobbies & Extracurriculars: Reading and researching history

Favourite Subject: History of magic and muggle studies as he’s also much interested about the muggle history and he’s interested in making a career in future with combining his two interests.

Professions: He wishes to become a teacher one day.

[ladylesso]

thea gushes over kate's "alex vs the school for good" fanfic

i've reread this fanfic twice before it was finished but now it's finished, therefore i will read this beautiful work of art a third time and i have no regrets because this is the best fanfic in the entire fandom and i love kate so let's go (u never asked for it but here it is @pumpkinpaperweight)

i love how alex's close relationship with her parents, especially tedros, is already established within the first scene

alex is so witty and her mind is so sharp i've missed her so much :')

alex ribbin on tedros and agatha laughin as a sign of encouragement is my favorite thing

chapter 3: hooray for teenage angst

I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT TEDROS NAMED HIS DOG CHICKEN THAT IS SUCH A TEDROS THING TO DO

will there be a one shot on the multiple ooty ambassor incidents????? i am Excited

"...and the author of this tale had lost their copy of The School for Good and Evil, and therefore could not remember exactly what the School for Good was meant to look like. They were running entirely off memory, and not doing a bad job, all things considered." KATE AKSKSJDKLFJ

get this: what if the camelot years were just a fever dream and alex vs is canon. what if.

chapter 10: these dogs are still alive for plot devices and comic relief don't @ me

marcy girl chill out

omg dean cromwell vs alex wearing the boys' uniform scene - iconic and sora-approved

oh my god i actually thought sophie stopping thorne was a scene in the actual books instead of in alex vs skdjkdfs

i love kate's adult! sophie - very realistic and in character

chapter 13: HA! GAY!

talib and sora my babies my precious my lovelies

"talib grinned, looking back in the direction of the classroom - sora kept looking at him and missed a step on the stairs" gay

chapter 15: my gran could do better, and she killed a warlock with a cheesecake - I LOVE THE CHAPTER TITLES SO MUCH

alex is so precious why are people being so mean to her :'( sora and i will happily burn them alive

"chaddick and lancelot always smacked her with the butt of the sword to signify a hit, but tedros had tended to sort of half-heartedly shove her off of the mat, unwilling to hurt her" tedros being a good and caring soft dad :')

"alex, what does your dad have?" "low self-esteem?" JESUS ALEX SKDFJLSDJFLJFSLDJ

"alex's temper was utterly uncontrollable, and hort didn't know how he'd forgotten- now it was all rushing back to him in one big, rather traumatic, wave" I'M LAUGHING

omg four year old alex defending her father i'm heart eyes

#i don't like this cromwell bat bring dovey back

"sora's brain was still trying to work out which panic he should prioritise more -the super deadly predators trotting at his feet, or the fact that talib was holding his hand?" Gay

seeing alex cry is like seeing a friend crying - it makes you sad and murderous

"we have been in so many fights.” said alex tiredly. “i wish our author would think of something else. but she won’t, it’s the Trial by Tale next, and that’s all fighting” KATE

chapter 21: EMMA, THEY'RE HOMOSEXUALS

"sora had snatched nadiya’s handkerchief and thrown it to talib like a maid watching her favourite knight" [crying] i would kill a small child for them

sora and alex trying to hide behind each other at the same time is makin me burst into hysterics

oooo sora bout to murder a bitch

sophie acting like an actual dean :')

nadiya's such a queen we stan

june being friends with talib and fondly calling him an idiot is my new religion

alex saying she's the "loser daughter" and me knowing that tedros and agatha are watching her right now hurts. thanks a lot kate

june and thorne???? ship????

omg sora laying it on thick and pretending to be unconscious so talib could carry him sldjsdlkfjdslf

SORA COMPLIMENTING TALIB ON HOW BEAUTIFUL HE LOOKS IN FRONT OF THEIR CLASSMATES

"my darling angel prince" that's Gay "sora fiddled with talib's collar" GAYYYYY

"gentle marital dispute" i adore kate's humor

TALIB PUNCHING THORNE TO PROTECT SORA

"wow,” said sora dreamily.

“he just punched someone in the face, sora,” sighed marcy.

“i’m dying, not blind. that was hot--”

im going to have a heart attack

sora dragging tedros is my new favorite thing

"sora smiled in a very self-satisfied sort of way, almost as if he knew the annoyance he’d caused several hundred miles away" this is sora's true talent

i love how alex breaks the 4th wall

sora: i don't know whether you've noticed, alex, but i can be really rude?

alex: ur not that rude to me

sora: because i thought it might make u cry

:') i love their friendship so much

yes alex! call him out! sora IS emotionally constipated!

omg im curious as to what color alex's fingerglow is

OMG ALEX'S TALENT IS RELATED TO AGATHA'S I LOVE IT

newsflash cromwell! we don't care about ur reputation OR you

alex clutching onto her aunt's arm :'(

awwwwhhh alex w curly hair!! <3

talib is the sweetest boy ever oh my goodness

OH MY GOD HE'S A PISCES OF COURSE KSJFSDJF SOFT BOY

sora is an aquarius HAHA suits him

alex's dramatic entrances are clearly from sophie's influence :')

talib gifting sora roses that's Gay

sora foreshadowing how ros and raiden will get along >:)

sora is a grumpy old man in a 16 year old body but WILL eat his friend's questionably edible birthday cake made for him don’t test him

TALIB AND SORA KISSING QUEEN KATE REALLY DELIVERS

SORA MAKING THE FIRST MOVE I AM SCREECHING I AM GOING TO BITE MY ARM OFF

oh my go d talib don't go ohmygod kate why

OMG ROSALINE POV I'M EXCITED

agatha planning a wrestling match with her and tedros vs cromwell and agatha confirming that the coven have spilled blood over june and will not hesitate to do it again is my favorite thing

if u look closely or if u look at all, ros is clearly a never

tedros: i don't have favorites

agatha: i do. you're my least favorite

tedros: i'm ur husband

agatha: so?

omg alex is tedros' favorite and marcus is agatha's favorite so does that mean ros is sophie's favorite

and now we're in marcus' POV? kate just keeps delivering

omg the famous camelot family scene i've been waiting for is finally coming to fruition

it's official: we stan emi

whenever i hear somebody call agatha the queen of camelot, i get this tight ache of pride in my chest

i love how marcus just looks at his father and tedros knows exactly what he's asking :')

raiden and the twins, marcus and ros? my Body is Ready for ros vs

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE SLAMMING THE DOOR OPEN IN THIS FANFIC KSHFDJFSLJLJ

anemone campaigning for a ranking board that says who has the hots for who is something i can get behind

"there was a brief scuffle whilst both tedros and agatha fought to hug alex at the same time, which she didn't look in the least bothered about" ALEX FAMILY TIME YAY <3

alex introducing agatha, her famous mother, to her roommates is one of my favorite things

"alex stuck her tongue out at her and went back to rifling in her mother's cloak pockets for food" if this isn’t me -

alex being a wingwoman to make her mom sign marcy's copy of the tale of sophie and agatha is my favorite thing #1972934794

talib not recoginizing tedros as the king of camelot but as alex's dad :')

THE COLD SHOULDER SMOULDER

i love how ros could tell how much a fashion piece costs and what material it is just by looking at it

"there was a resounding crash, and another blade caught his, halfway" i love how tedros entered into this chapter kate is such a good writer

im lovin these marcus and ros descriptions

"rosalind and marcus looked at each other, then, slowly, back at jimmy. both of them suddenly looked a lot older than they were. raiden wondered how much damage they could do as a team. probably quite a lot" "raiden resisted the urge to squish marcus's cheeks" ROS VS HERE I COME

sophie rushing bc she senses drama is a big mood

omg i love these camelot year references

"...whilst tedros tried to pretend he hadn't just tried to shove agatha behind him, and awkwardly returned Excalibur to its sheath" his instincts :')

people mentioning that alex is a big sister makes me feel warm inside

the image of tedros braiding rosalind's hair gives me heart eyes

OMG GIN MILLS AND THE GOODS REFERENCE HAHA I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE KATE

im glad they're talking about alex and the reverse mogrification incident! i am also Intrigued

wait i thought ros and marcus were 10 years old? but agatha mentions how ros is 13? did i miss something

alex and hester aunt and niece relationship :')

this unspoken understanding between the pendragons is everything bless u kate

"i love it when Evers act like Nevers," emi told her grandsons from under her tree. “it’s good for the liver.”

EMI KNOWS ROS IS A NEVER SHE CALLED IT

oh alex u sweet darling child of course sora and talib are boyfriends even thorne could see it

this alex and thorne thing? gotta say,,,,,, i see the ship possibilities

SORA YOU EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BUFFOON JUST TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND TALIB OH MY GOD

omg the everboys sitting in the beautification lesson im excited

emma,,,,... darling,,,,.........,,, they're Gay

i support alex's plan to look hot for the snow ball and single-handedly destroy the buffet

i love how tyler and marcy are in the squad now :')

anemone: WHO

talib: i'm not telling u!

anemone: WHICH GIRL

talib: not a - not a. uh, girl

anemone: I RESPECT THAT ALSO

tyler, nadiya, and marcy quietly discussing alex's type LKSDJFLSJFK

sora im bout to body slam u talk to ur bf u idiot donkey don't be like teenage tedros and agatha

"akiyama sora is a dead man," muttered nadiya" i bow to one (1) queen

SORA'S GAY PANIC

chapter 29: fellas is it gay to protect roses from winter damage

"poor thing,” she added as an afterthought. alex was forcibly reminded of her aunt’s 100% Evil status"

i love these scenes with sophie <3

"er. it's okay, professor," said sora's mouth. alex for the love of christ help me you useless git, said sora's eyes"

FINALLY SORA YOUR TWO BRAIN CELLS KISSED AND EXPERIENCED COMMON SENSE

alex saying marcy has horrible taste in men but swearing to take tyler's kidneys if he doesn't go for marcy - true friendship

AWWWWHHHHHH ALEX CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR THE EVERGIRLS WHO DON'T WANT DATES TO GO TO THE SNOW BALL WITH ANEMONE <333333

anemone just said the f word is this legal

the amount of times i've screamed over sora nd talib is too much to count - sometimes in excitement and sometimes in pain

"he was cut off when talib seized his collar and kissed him, much harder than sora had kissed him the first time" my lungs are exploding

ANEMONE IS ME I AM ANEMONE

"sora exercised all the curse words he knew in her native language. alex grinned. "you sound like ros. except ros knows more words" oh??????????

i've smiled more reading chapter 29 than i have this whole year

sora: weren't u listening to the announcement yesterday

alex: who was doing the announcing?

sora: pollux

alex: nope

love that tedros deemed his wedding outfit a Sacred Object

i love how tedros and rosalind bond over fashion

alex has a daily ritual of high-fiving the statue of king arthur, her grandfather. i love her.

omg tedros adopting a pseudo father figure role over tyler love that

i said love so many times but i can't help it this fic is just too good

it's official: sora is alex's partner in crime

so just to catch up, the squad consists of alex, nadiya, sora, talib, tyler, marcy, and june - and out of this chaos rises a mom friend: nadi

i never knew how much i wanted to see the teachers gossiping until i got it

of course agatha never hired a nanny for her children she loves them too much to ever not raise them herself >:((((((

magazine with a pic of talib: major hottie alert!

sora: finally, some high-end journalism

kate ur mind is amazing

omg i love this curses! the musical plot point im excited

ros? as the queen of camelot? Sign Me Up

SORA ND ALEX WROTE THE SCRIPT KSJFSDLJFSLD HERE WE GO

alex is drawing a six pack on her stomach with a pen to prepare for her role as tedros somebody please help me my lungs have ruptured 

title reference on a crop top!! impressive!!

"MORE PANACHE !" sophie bellowed at the stage" did soman write this or did u kate

is marcus on the autism spectrum???? it would be great if he was

"alex said a quick prayer to rosalind, patron saint of spinning half-truths to people and getting away with it"

im grinning so hard at agatha possibly dying of laughter during alex's rendition of curses! the musical

"tedros made a sound like an animal in pain and sank down so low in his seat that he was barely visible. agatha burst into hysterical cackles, reminding ros, not for the first time, that she had been raised by an actual witch" "'tedros' and 'hort' had a rap battle that ended up getting too personal and devolved into a fistfight" AGATHA AND I ARE BOTH GOING TO DIE

"she turned around, saw tedros stood behind her, and screamed. tedros held up the programme, open on the page which said rewritten by akiyama sora and alex pendragon. alex screamed louder."

i adore the news' headlines

what's on the school master's mind??????????

omg is it about marcus and ros??

YES IT IS SKFDSJFL

chinhae is ros' friend and both of their names were circled in red bc the school master has a plan for them. whoaaaaaa

"slowly, she turned back to look up at the school master's tower. and got the distinct feeling someone was meeting her gaze" chills

finished 1:06 AM june 14, 2020

[uknewsdigest-blog]

Week Commencing: 07/01/2019.

Mon: 

- Businessman who hiked drug prices handed OBE: A multimillionaire whose company’s drug price rises have cost the NHS around £50m was handed an OBE in the New Year’s Honours list, The Times reports. Vijay Patel exploited a loophole in health service rules to increase the price of old medicines of which his firm, Atnahs, was the sole supplier by up to 2,500%. The hikes included upping the price of a packet of antidepressants from £5.71 to £154. 

- British stars clean up at Golden Globe awards: Brits have fared well at this year’s Golden Globe Awards, with Olivia Colman, Christian Bale, Richard Madden and Ben Whishaw among the winners. Colman was honoured for her role in The Favourite, while English-American actor Bale won for playing ex-US Vice-President Dick Cheney in Vice. Bohemian Rhapsody, about Queen frontman Freddie Mercury, picked up best actor and best film in the drama category. 

 Tue:  

- Giant fatberg blocking sewer in Devon: The largest so-called fatberg ever found by South West Water is blocking the sewers of the coastal Devon town of Sidmouth and will take about eight weeks to remove. The obstruction is 210ft long – more than the height of the Leaning Tower of Pisa – and composed mostly of fat, wet wipes and grease. Work to remove it will begin in February. 

- MPs complain to police after Soubry abused: At least 55 MPs have signed a letter to Met Police Commissioner Cressida Dick expressing “serious concerns about the deteriorating public order and security situation” around Parliament, after Tory Anna Soubry was verbally abused and jostled by pro-Brexit campaigners. Labour’s Mary Creagh called the abuse “vile, misogynistic thuggery”. 

- Millions of patients to see Skype doctors: Theresa May wants millions of patients to see their doctors via video-calling services such as Skype, in a bid to save billions of pounds as part of a “wholesale transformation of the NHS” announced yesterday. NHS England boss Simon Stevens said the current model of hospital appointments was both “outdated and unsustainable”. 

- England needs three million new homes by 2040, says report: A report by a cross-party group of MPs says England needs three million new social homes by 2040 in order to save millions of people from a future in dangerous, overcrowded or otherwise unsuitable housing. If the recommendations are taken up, it would mean building more new council houses than in the 20 years after the War. 

  Wed:

- Army called in as drone disrupts Heathrow Airport: The UK military was called in to help police after sightings of a drone briefly halted flights at Heathrow Airport yesterday. The Metropolitan Police said it was deploying “significant resources” to monitor the airport after a drone was spotted shortly after 5pm. Departures were quickly stopped as a precaution, but were resumed an hour later, with the airport fully operational again by 10pm. 

- Sexual abuse in childhood linked to raised suicide risk: People who suffered sexual or emotional abuse as children are two to three times more likely to kill themselves as adults, a new study has found. Academics from the University of Manchester and South Wales University analysed the results of 68 previous studies on the subject from around the world. Suicide prevention charity Papyrus said 70% of calls to its helpline were from people who had been abused during childhood. 

- Tory claims London pollution charge will hit millions: The pollution charge being introduced in London could affect almost 2.5 million cars and vans a year, official figures suggest. London Mayor Sadiq Khan had previously stated that fewer than 60,000 vehicles a day would have to pay the £12.50 ultra-low emission zone fee, but Gareth Bacon, leader of the Conservative group on the London Assembly, has warned that the charges could be Khan’s “poll tax” moment.  

- MPs vote to restrict no-deal Brexit options: A majority of MPs have signalled that they will not accept a “no-deal” Brexit by inflicting a humiliating defeat on the Government in the House of Commons. A total of 20 Tory MPs backed an amendment to the Finance Bill that would restrict the Government’s freedom to make no-deal Brexit tax changes without the “explicit consent” of Parliament, by 303 to 296 votes.  

  Thu: 

- The Government has announced tightened regulations on the operation of drones, following major disruptions at some of the UK’s busiest airports, including chaos at Heathrow this week. 

- Bercow vilified in newspapers over Brexit vote: Commons Speaker John Bercow is vilified in right-wing newspapers today, after allowing an amendment Brexit vote. The Sun dubs him “Speaker of the devil”, while the Daily Mail says he is a “disgrace to his office”. Bercow broke with precedent in allowing yesterday’s vote, which the Government lost - meaning it must provide an alternative EU deal within three days if it loses next week’s vote on Theresa May’s Brexit plan. 

- Jaguar Land Rover to cut 5,000 jobs in UK: Jaguar Land Rover is cutting as many as 5,000 jobs in the UK in an attempt to save £2.5bn costs. The firm, which employs 40,000 people in Britain, says most of the jobs to go will be in marketing, management and administration. A “perfect storm” of falling demand for diesel cars and Brexit uncertainty is to blame, according to the BBC. 

  Fri: 

- Rudd U-turns on proposal to cap child benefit: Amber Rudd has announced another U-turn on universal credit: she will not cap benefits for families with two or more children born before 2017. Child Poverty Action said it was “fantastically good news” but called for the two-child cap to be scrapped for all families. Rudd also said she was putting off rolling out universal credit. 

   Sat: 

- Top Tory Brexiteers believe Britain won't leave EU: Leading Tory donors who spent millions on the Brexit campaign say they now believe that Britain may not leave the EU. Crispin Odey, a hedge fund manager who has given more than £870,000 to pro-Leave groups, said: “My view is that it ain’t going to happen. I just can’t see how it happens with that configuration of parliament.” Two other key donors made similar predictions.  

- Minister: stopping Brexit would empower the far-right: Blocking Brexit could empower far-right extremists, says the transport secretary. Chris Grayling says that failing to leave the European Union would lead the 17m people who voted for Brexit to feel “cheated”, ending centuries of “moderate” politics in the UK. He said it would also provoke more “nasty” incidents of intimidation.  

- Prisons minister: short sentences should be scrapped: Prison sentences of six months or less should be scrapped, says the prisons minister. Rory Stewart argues that the move would ease pressure on prisons and be better for offenders, reports the Daily Telegraph. He said that ”very short” jail terms were ”long enough to damage you and not long enough to heal you”, adding: ”You bring somebody in for three or four weeks, they lose their house, their job, their family, their reputation”. 

- Charity warns over plan to scrap free TV licence for elderly: Abolishing the free TV licence for over-75s could push 50,000 older people into poverty, according to Age UK. After the broadcaster opened a consultation on whether to start charging older people the £150.50-a-year fee, the charity said such a move could harm the elderly, “potentially forcing them to cut back on other essentials such as heating and food in order to remain informed, entertained, stimulated and connected to the world beyond their doorstep”. 

   Sun: 

- Row over Church's appointment of resurrection denier: Controversy has erupted after the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby appointed as his ambassador to the Vatican a priest who denies the physical resurrection of Jesus. The Rev Dr John Shepherd said that the resurrection of Jesus “ought not to be seen in physical terms but as a new spiritual reality”. A former chaplain to the Queen said: “You cannot call yourself an orthodox Christian if you don’t believe in the physical resurrection of Jesus.” 

- Rise in UK children in gender-title switches: Children as young as 10 are having their gender changed by deed poll. Over the past five years, the UK Deed Poll Service has seen a surge in the number of parents paying £35 to alter their child’s title from “Miss to Master” or “Master to Miss”. Around one under-16-year-old is making the change every day. 

- NHS landed with £1m compensation bill for Savile victims: The NHS has a £1m bill for compensating victims of Jimmy Savile after the late broadcaster’s estate contributed just £53,000. Over a 50-year period, the TV and radio personality raped and assaulted scores of patients, staff and visitors in 41 hospitals, a children’s home and a hospice. He passed away in 2011 before his crimes were revealed, and was reported to have had an estate worth at least £4m. 

- Arrest after child killed in hit-and-run collision: Detectives have arrested a man after an 11-year-old boy was killed in a hit-and-run collision in Manchester. The child was treated by paramedics at the scene in the Beswick area of the city but died of his injuries later in hospital. Police have arrested a 31-year-old man on suspicion of causing death by dangerous driving. 

[viralhottopics]

What we learned from the Golden Globes: Meryl Streep always wins and Ryan Gosling never fails

The curtain has fallen on this years ceremony and heres our key takeaways, including the best anti-Trump speech, the wittiest mention of syphilis and what it all means for next months Oscars

Theres no stopping La La Land, the post-truth underdog

Right from the start, which saw Jimmy Fallons opening skit entirely devoted to a spoof of La La Land, it was obvious Damien Chazelles hymn to Hollywood had converted the 90-odd members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association men and women who had left their homelands to travel to La La Land and pen their own hymns to Hollywood.

But just how faithful the converts proved couldnt quite be predicted: the film took seven gongs over the evening (best song, best score, best director, best screenplay, best actor, best actress, best comedy or musical), beating the likes of One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest to make new record.

Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone with their awards. Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/NBC/(Credit too long, see caption)

So how did they do it? Especially when some of the awards (such as screenplay) were felt by some to be a bit optimistic? Well, that opening sequence was also significant, because it showed that La La Land is a lot easier to parody than, say, Moonlight (black gay man in Miami struggles with sexuality and addict mother) and Manchester by the Sea (gloomy janitor returns home after the death of his brother to grapple with previous family tragedy) and may end up with a lot more cultural currency, even significance, as a result.

That the Globes split their categories (drama and comedy or musical) naturally favours movies such as Chazelles, but, as Benjamin Lee pointed out in his liveblog, every La La acceptance speech also pushed the notion of the movie as an underdog a crazy mad idea and a wild punt for the studio to back.

But remember: this is a romance starring Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, directed by a man whose most recent movie won three Oscars, and which like Argo and The Artist strokes that hand that feeds it. But, whatever works.

Unless its the actual underdog

La La Lands main rival, Barry Jenkinss Moonlight, went into the race with nearly the same number of nominations, and came away with just one win. But what a win: best drama. The fact it was robbed in the supporting actor category (where Mahershala Ali lost out to Aaron Taylor-Johnson) may even help its chances going forward for what we now have is a genuine underdog (albeit one thats so far picked up 120 awards) with a little outraged momentum behind it (thought #JusticeForMoonlight felt a bit of a trending punt). The last movie to take just best drama at the Globes? Best picture Oscar winner 12 Years a Slave

Congratulations can still come with a bouquet of barbed wire

Despite significant wins for actors of colour actors this year, there were slightly fewer than expected (see Ali), and efforts to forget the #OscarsSoWhite controversy were undermined by not one, but two, people (George Bushs daughter, Michael Keaton) conflating the names of the two big nominated movies featuring black actors. Fences are still visible; perhaps Figures still arent, quite.

Meryl 2020

Meryl Streep attacks Donald Trump in Golden Globes speech

Can a blonde white woman in her late 60s defeat Donald Trump? If anyone can, Meryl can. Her speech picking up the Cecil B DeMille lifetime achievement award was easily the runaway moment of the night: impassioned, funny, fearless and picking up perhaps the prize dreadful moment in the president-elects campaign: his mocking of a disabled reporter on the campaign trail.

It kind of broke my heart, and I saw it, and I still cant get it out of my head because it wasnt in a movie. It was real life. And this instinct to humiliate when its modelled by someone in the public platform by someone powerful, it filters down into everybodys life because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing.

Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use definition to bully others, we all lose.

Trump duly responded, not on Twitter, but by telling the New York Times he hadnt watched the show but was not surprised that the liberal movie people ridiculed him. Sad!

Hugh Laurie for VP

A shock choice for supporting actor in a drama series over favourite John Lithgow for that other great statesman, Churchill but Laurie made up for it with a pitch-perfect address, which preceded Streeps and lamented that this was likely the last Globes ceremony. Accepting the prize on behalf of psychopathic billionaires everywhere, Laurie said:

I dont mean to be gloomy, its just that it has the words Hollywood, Foreign and Press in the title. I just dont know I also think to some Republicans, even the word association is slightly sketchy.

Viola Davis for secretary of state

A controversial one this, not because she aced the supporting actress performance for which she won her prize, nor for her great speech, nor even her composed anti-Trump rant backstage:

Viola Davis makes powerful anti-Trump speech backstage at Golden Globes

But for allowing us all to get a glimpse of the real Streep, sharing a strange food-shaming incident in her introduction to the great woman.

Streep: Whatd you do last night, Viola?

Davis: Oh, I cooked an apple pie.

Streep: Did you use Pippin apples?

Davis: Pippin apples, What the hell is Pippin apples? I used Granny Smith apples.

Streep: Did you make your own crust?

Davis: No, I used store-bought crust. Thats what I did.

Streep: Then you didnt make an apple pie, Viola.

Davis: Well, thats because I spent all my time making collard greens! I make the best collard greens. I use smoked turkey, chicken stock and my special BBQ sauce.

Streep: Well, they dont taste right unless you use ham hocks. If you dont use ham hocks, it doesnt taste the same.

Accidents can happen, thank God

In what looked like one of the most locked-down ceremonies in years, a couple of bona fide surprises leapt out. The first with the HFPAs love for Paul Verhoevens hot-potato rape revenge comedy Elle a movie previously deemed too controversial for major acclaim. But it took not just best foreign language film (over the more politically safe Toni Erdmann) but also best actress for Isabelle Huppert: now a major Oscar contender, leaving both previous frontrunners (Natalie Portman and Emma Stone), fretting into their frocks.

The second shocker also showcased the Globess more offbeat taste: two big wins (best comedy series, best actor for Donald Glover) for Atlanta, about the citys rap scene. The Globes can be notoriously wacky this time round, in a good way.

We need to pin our hopes on the other Jimmy

Fallon had a lot to live up to. In part because Amy Poehler and Tina Fey set such a high benchmark for this gig a couple of years back; also because Fallon patsied to Trump on his chatshow a couple of months back. But despite a few early digs at the president-elect, he failed to deliver. Most glaring was his inability to competently wing it when the teleprompter broke. All such issues were highlighted by the brilliance of some of the presenters, in particular Kristen Wiig, who having stolen the showin 2013 with her Will Ferrell double act, repeated the trick this time with Steve Carell. Can fellow talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel top it at the Oscars next month? Probably.

Heartthrobs are called heartthrobs for a reason

Ryan Goslings best actor speech saw peak metrosexual pin-up this year: losing nominees Ryan Reynolds and Andrew Garfield shared a snog, while Gosling further confirmed his dreaminess at the podium. He ended his speech by paying tribute to his lady Eva Mendes for looking after their daughter and her brother (who had cancer, and to whose memory he dedicated the prize) while she was pregnant with their second child and he was off twinkling his toes on La La Land. So, sweetheart, thank you.

Tom Hiddleston, meanwhile, went full humanitarian, closing with a story about a recent trip to South Sudan with the UN Childrens Fund and dedicating his prize to aid workers everywhere. The weird cuts to Christian Slater and the kids from Stranger Things didnt help, but it was still stirring stuff.

The Brits are coming! But so is Netflix

Hiddleston won for The Night Manager, the Beebs big hit of the night gongs also for Laurie and Olivia Colman but the series-which-should-have-been-made-by-the-BBC-but-wasnt took best TV series (drama) and best actress (for Claire Foy). After the anti-climatic hoohah around Netflixs first big film production, Beasts of No Nation, the streaming service finally made good. Lucky, given The Crown still has five very expensive series still to fund and run.

Real actors are never off

Lithgow backstage with Claire Foy and Peter Morgan. Photograph: Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

Greatest ad-lib of the night? Probably John Lithgow, who channelled Churchill with aplomb in the press room. Being told his fly was undone, Lithgow quoted back the great cigar-chomper: Its not a problem. A dead bird never leaves its nest. The runners-up prize goes to Hugh Grant, wrongly leaked as the winner of best actor (comedy or musical), who describes the plot of Florence Foster Jenkins as, accurately enough, about a woman slowly dying of syphilis.

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