#Jukkari

[rajakaen]

The Cake is a lie! She's a Sith, don't trust her smile.

Erin sketch concept bc brain is malfunctioning lately. Erethielin belongs to @jukkariart

This girl is a marauder, part of the Sphere of Military Offense and loves to blow things up. Surely this impish gremlin is agonizing T cross-server-universe.

[jukkariart]

SWTOR thoughts: Belsavis Prison

I've just arrived on Belsavis with one of my Bounty Hunters. It's been years since I've actually done any planetary quest lines, so I'm making sure I'm picking them up this time. This makes me think, tho: how does the judicial system work in the times of the old republic?

On both sides, we get to see quite the nasty sides of the incarceration in the republic. As a republic player, we encounter a group of inmates who were born on Belsavis and remain locked in there. No actual crimes committed, and yet they are forbidden from leaving, locked up in cells. Sentences inherited from their ancestors, as Nyranos says.

As an imperial player, we see not only people simply held in cells, some are locked in stasis, some frozen in carbonite. From other places, we learn that both stasis and carbonite can keep people alive for centuries. Does this mean that these people will one day be thawed and released? Thawed and allowed to actually die of old age at the end of their sentence, but still locked up on Belsavis? Is this part of the punishment system? From what I understand, in the US for example, you can get multiple life sentences, or your sentences may stack up to like 300 years. Does this happen in the Star Wars world too? Is the lifetime of species taken into consideration? Fifty years of prison time is half human lifetime but like 10% for a Wookiee. Is putting people in carbonite common? For how long? Is this a substitute for solitary confinement? We know this is a dangerous procedure. What if they die?

Also, in one of the imp planetary missions, you get to thaw one of the two groups of criminals. One is murderers and people with 'diagnosed criminal pathologies' (which I feel demands looking into already, but for the sake of this conversation, these are actually people who can't be helped and are volatile and dangerous), but the second group is described as 'agitators of large-scale protests and riots', who are expected to organize other prisoners, but are also expected to be much less violent. Does the republic have a big problem with dissenting voices and protesters? Why keep them in carbonite if they are not an active danger to others? Are the wardens afraid that these are such good organizers that they could protest their and other convicts' way out of this prison planet?

Not sure where I'm really going with this, but I just couldn't help myself and wonder how the more lawful parts of the galaxy, where not crime lords and blasters but bureaucrats and verdicts dictate the fate of the unruly.

[thecharmparlor]

Photographer: Jukkari Sikko

[sidhelives]

2020 Fics in Review

No one tagged me, so I'm tagging myself. Tagging @hezjena2023 as well.

I wrote a bit this year. While I technically started writing in October of 2019 all of WolfHunt was rewritten and reposted in 2020. Which means everything I have written on AO3 was written in 2020. For this I'll only be using works posted on AO3 not things written which have not been posted.

Sounds good?

Good.

Overall Stats

Total Words Written: 194,992

Total fics completed: 32

Average words per month: 16,249

Average words per fic: 6,093

Ongoing Fics/Series:

WolfHunt - Dragon Age; 14 chapters/59,425 words

Pathfinder Chronicles - Mass Effect Andromeda

Relocation - 1,401 words

The Scars - 1,995 words

Ill Fortune or (The Unfortunate Birth, and Subsequent Lamentable Life of Hypetia Amell) - Dragon Age; 5 chapters/11,399 words

Ill Fortune - Supplementary Works - Dragon Age; 3 chapters/1,813 words

Listen Closely - Skyrim; 4 chapters/9,459 words

Harlequin Eyes - Dragon Age; NSFW; 5 works/12,280 words

A Chance Encounter - Kinktober; 1,715 words

A Test - Kinktober; 1,175 words

This is How it Starts - 2,830 words

The Inquisitor's Intentions - 2 chapters/4,366 words

It Seems the Game has Changed - Fluffcember; 2,538 words

Completed Fics/Series

Dance Lesson - Dragon Age; 268 words

Reunion - Mass Effect; 3,564 words

Momentary Distractions - Dragon Age; 1,458 words

A Cool Harvestmere Morning - Dragon Age; 1,180 words

Anders in Over his Head - Dragon Age; NSFW

Fraternization - 5,642 words

Party of Three - 5,153 words

Four's a Crowd - 3 chapters/7,734 words

What's in the box, Shepard? - Mass Effect; 1,987 words

Pride and Humility - Collected Solavellan Shorts - Dragon Age; 25 chapters/27,256 words

Solavellan Tarot Challenge - Dragon Age; 22 chapters/22,296 words

A Dark Ritual - Dragon Age; NSFW; Kinktober; 4,472 words

A Late Night Visit - Dragon Age; NSFW; Kinktober; 1,095 words

A Clever Ruse - Dragon Age; NSFW; Kinktober; 1,715 words

You're Going to Love It - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,166 words

Take My Hands - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,164 words

Of Course I Remembered - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 2,019 words

Don't Look at Them. Look at Me. - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,983 words

Well Worth the Travel, and the Snow - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,558 words

This is el Aperitivo - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 883 words

Leather and Lace - Dragon Age; Gift for Jukkari; 2,036 words

Oh Good, You're Here - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 2,591 words

New things I tried this year:

Everything really. Prior to 2020 I had only written WolfHunt so new things included:

Lavellan/Blackwall

Amell/Zevran

Anders/So many damn people

Solvelyan

Femslash (just a little at the end)

Smut

I hadn't written anything explicit in 10+ years and back in the day I focused primarily on M/M. I jumped in with both feet though and people seem to like the stuff I write so huzzah.

Fic I spent the most time on:

Long Fic:

WolfHunt for sure. Almost 60,000 words is a lot of time and I kind of go cross-eyed when I think about how much is left in the story I want to tell.

Honorable mention goes to Ill Fortune, not because of how much time I spent writing but because of the time I spent plotting out the timeline. I know where Pet, Aria, and Des are basically through their entire lives.

Short Fic:

Four's a Crowd for sure. Writing two people having sex is an arduous process for me, but four?! There are so many bodies to deal with. It became super overwhelming and I could only work in it in short bursts.

Fic I spent the least time on:

Long Fic:

Pathfinder Chronicles. I got super inspired and then it just dropped away. I'd love to write more Sara! I have a lot of fun with my slowly self redeeming fuck-up, I just need to figure out how to format it and keep motivation up.

Short Fic:

Weighting length with time (so I don't just automatically say the shortest one) I'd go with A Clever Ruse. It was goofy and comical and disconnected from anything that mattered and it just moved very quickly, even accounting for the smut part slowing me down as they do.

Favorite thing I wrote this year:

Long Fic:

Listen Closely for sure. I'd never even considering writing outside my BioWare bubble when the idea occurred to me and I fell in love with the idea. Also it's incredibly fun writing crazy people.

Short Fic:

It might be cheating but Anders in Over his Head. The series reminded me how much I love Anders, and I really do, I also love writing him. Tortured male POV is kind of my jam and Anders fits there so we'll while also being a snarky ass which makes for good banter (my favorite thing to write).

Favorite thing I read this year:

Ashamedly, I don't read much. I want to get better about it in 2021 but for now I'll just list my favorite things I did read (all on AO3:

Flemeth's New Look by attack_on_feels

How Loud Your Heart Gets by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard

Like Veilfire by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard

That Girl Is Like A Sunburn by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard

Eyes Wide Shut by queenofkadara

Fall Into The Tide by queenofkadara

I just realized those are like all porn. Oops.

I also started reading The Keening Blade by Arsinoe de Blassenville which is on fanfiction.net. It's very long so I haven't finished it but I am really enjoying.

Things I want to work on in 2021:

Finishing WolfHunt is a top priority. I don't feel like I can fully commit to another long form DA fic (like the world I'm building out in Ill Fortune and Harlequin Eyes) until I get that one done.

Expanding more into other fandoms. Mass Effect primarily but also exploring other fandoms that I have a lot of love for. Dragon Age is my wheel house: I know it well and I'm comfortable with it, so I'll never leave it behind but the fun I've had with Listen Closely has made me consider branching out.

MORE FEMSLASH. I love ladies and I love ladies loving ladies but I've barely touched f/f relationships. I am planning a Femslash February event so that will open the door.

I have a whole to do list to get to as well 😅

In Conclusion

I can't believe how much I accomplished in 2020. It feels like I've been writing for years, not just the one. I've found a community in fic writing that I never dreamed of, friends and support I never thought I would have. Most of all it makes me so happy. Writing is one of the few things I do for myself, my personal life very much revolves around other people, and knowing that other people find joy in the things I create is the best feeling in the world. So if you read my stuff, if you comment or give kudos:

Thank you.

Ma bal'venhan serannas.

[rajakaen]

Colored sketch for @jukkariart of their SWTOR OC Erin

It seems I tend to be a bit rusty with women...

[rajakaen]

Have this sketch and see how successfully I failed at trying to draw a person who wasn't supposed to look that sexy 🥲 The underlying base sketch was created by @jukkariart and handed over to me 👀

I really need to work on overcoming the stereotypes that my hand automatically draws, even when my mind has a different understanding of what Erin should look like 🙈

Should keep my grubby hands off their character 😂

[rajakaen]

@jukkariart and I had a fun little experiment in creating responses for our interacting OCs. Jukkari wrote for Erin and me for Tahr'rys.

Scene: Aboard Neo's Fer-de-Lance, the "Prancing Anvil," Tahr'rys and Erin find themselves in the living area. Tahr'rys is sitting at a table while pondering over a datapad, taking some notes when Erin approaches him.

E: "Do you ever take a break from being such a gloomy Gus? Your negativity is contagious, and I'd rather not catch it too." She continues, her voice laced with a mock curiosity, "Well, I guess it also affects your ability to speak. Curious."

T: Looking up from his pad, pressing his lips into a thin line and responding, "Contagious, you say? Is that the best you've got? I expected more from you." With a subtle twitching of lip corners, he adds, "Positivity and I parted ways a long time ago, you know? No hard feelings." He stares at her, putting aside the datapad.

E: Touching her chin with the index, looking thoughtful. "I guess I could go with 'infectious' or maybe 'transmissible'? Left my dictionary in the imperial space a long time ago, along with any fucks to give about expectations." Shrugging her shoulders while adding, "I hope it won't hurt your feelings; if you've got any left." Truthfully, she's kind of surprised she got a reaction at all; a knot is forming in her stomach, dreaded expectations looming.

T: "Expectations? A quaint notion, indeed. I suppose I'll just have to lower mine, given the source. You must be mistaking me for someone who cares about your judgments." His ember eyes flare up as he tilts his head a little, still staring at her.

E: "Disappointed, already? Oh, Miss Sunshine... I can do so much worse than this." Gives out a huge but fake smile. "And whatever you're eating, you should stop; it makes your eyes look weird like they're about to pop out of your skull. Must be all the 'not caring' leaking out." She's going to totally lean into whatever he says for the effect and the opportunity to snap back.

T: Leans a little over, shifting his position and reciprocating her smile - baring his teeth, but the smile isn't reaching his eyes. "I see you're still trying to impress me. Your observations are as sharp as a spoon. Admirable, in its own way." His smile becomes even more menacing as he rises from his chair, towering over her smaller stature and staring down at her. "Be careful, Erin, for there's a thin line between sharp wit and foolish stupidity." The smile has now faded completely.

E: Crosses her arms over her chest, squints a bit but keeps looking at T. She feels absolutely uncomfortable, but she is also not giving him the last word if she can help it. "Impress you?" she scoffs, putting on a half-smirk. "You must be joking, which I didn't think you can do. How do you fit on this ship with an ego so big?" She leans a bit forward, going on her tiptoes, her face for once reasonably serious. "I don't need your warnings, Tahr'rys. I've been doing perfectly fine without them so far." She steps back and waves her hands as if trying to dispel a smell or a mist. "Now you'll have to excuse me; I don't want to catch this attitude, as I've already said." She leaves, that's been quite enough.

T: Stands there, unmoving, his gaze fixed on her retreating figure. After a few minutes, he finally turns away and resumes his seat at the table, picking up the datapad he had been reading earlier.

[thecharmparlor]

Photographer: Jukkari Sikko

[thecharmparlor]

Photographer: Jukkari Sikko

[thecharmparlor]

Photographer: Jukkari Sikko

[thecharmparlor]

Photographer: Jukkari Sikko

[sidhelives]

Leather and Lace

Fen'Harem Gift Exchange 2020

For Jukkari 💕

Full text under Read More

They had spent months beating around the bush. Months of short, professional meetings punctuated by playful jabs and coy smiles. There was something there, even if no one else could see it, she felt it. Like flint and steel they struck against each other and made sparks. They had spoken about it once, agreed that the sentiment behind the flirting was mutually genuine, and… nothing had changed.

Julseithe wanted it to change. She wanted to cup that precious face between her hands and find out what her lips tasted like. She wanted to share a moment that wasn't surrounded by dozens of other people watching her, worshiping her.

She didn't want to be the Inquisitor and Scout Harding, she wanted to be Julseithe and Lace.

Seeing her in the courtyard, Julseithe made the sudden decision that today would be the day it changed. She didn't know how long the scouts would be in Skyhold: they were always moving, brushing in and out of the fortress with more regularity than she did herself, which said a lot. It had to be today, and it had to be now, before she lost her nerve.

Her legs felt heavy and awkward as she crossed the yard, like a newborn halla learning to walk, and she could feel her heart pounding against her ribs. She opened her mouth to call out a greeting and found her tongue bone dry. Before she could wet it and try again, Lace noticed her and waved. Julseithe saw a brightness come to the dwarf's eyes that she wished beyond hope was because of her.

"Scout Harding. Good to see you somewhere not infested with Venatori for a change," Julseithe managed, finding her voice.

"I do need the occasional break, and the free drinks are nice." Lace grinned, nodding her head towards the Herald's Rest.

She had such a beautiful smile. Her eyes sparkled like dew covered grass at dawn. "Would you care for one now?" Julseithe plowed ahead, not allowing herself time to think about the words spilling from her lips. "Since it's my treat either way."

If the invitation surprised Lace, she hid it well. She was, Julseithe reminded herself, the Inquisition's lead scout, it would be more strange if she did visibly react.

"I think I would. Thanks, Inquisitor."

"You can call me Julseithe you know." She spoke too quickly, her nerves creeping up on her.

"Oh? How about Jules?"

"You can call me whatever you want." Julseithe bit her tongue. Too much.

Lace chuckled. "Well alright then, Jules. Shall we go in for that drink?"

She was sure her cheeks were pink, she could feel the heat radiating from them. "Let's." She got the door, holding it open for the scout, and they wordlessly drifted to a table set into a nook in the wall. It was the closest thing to privacy the tavern contained.

"You a mead or an ale woman?" Lace asked as Julseithe sat.

"Mead. Thanks," she responded.

With a curt nod, the dwarf turned and headed for the bar. This left Julseithe alone with her thoughts, which was quite possibly the worst-case scenario. Anxiety ricocheted inside her, colliding with the butterflies in her stomach and making her momentarily nauseous. Get it together Lavellan, she chided herself. It was only Harding after all. They had flirted and joked together dozens of times before, this was no different.

Except that it was different. Different was the entire point.

"Here we are." Lace plopped the full tankard in front of Julseithe with a clank that made her jump. The dwarf laughed apologetically. "Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you. Can't really figure out how to turn off the sneaky anymore."

Julseithe returned a shaky laugh, uncomfortable with her own discomfort. She was the mother-fucking Inquisitor, this shouldn't be this hard. "What are you drinking?"

Lace slid into the seat opposite her and shrugged. "I'm an ale woman myself. Mead is just too, I don't know, sweet for me I guess."

You're sweet enough all on your own anyway. The words were there, they were perfect, but they stuck to Julseithe's tongue like raw nut butter. She cleared her throat. "So how are things going? I haven't seen you since the Hissing Wastes."

"Well, I'm still cleaning sand out of places it has no right being." Lace smirked. "But good otherwise. What about you?"

"Me? Oh, I've been keeping busy. Even when I'm not out closing Rifts and fighting dragons, Josephine keeps me busy with diplomatic meetings."

Lace made a face of disgust. "That sounds worse."

Julseithe laughed, some of her unease receding. "It is. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the Orlesians. No matter how many I meet I never get used to the masks."

"It's weird, isn't it? Like they're always hiding something from you. How do you have a real conversation with someone when you know they're keeping something from you?"

Lace's voice was casual, but Julseithe's anxiety spiked. She laughed, hoping it didn't sound as uncomfortable as she felt, and took a drink, hiding her expression with the tankard. She wasn't keeping anything from Lace, for Mythal's sake she was trying to tell her. Her diversion backfired as Julseithe choked on the thick, sweet mead in her haste and she ended up sputtering like a fool, one fist held against her mouth.

"You okay there, Inquisitor?" Lace tipped her head to one side.

"I'm fine," Julseithe coughed again. "Completely fine. What happened to Jules?"

A flush crept up Lace's cheeks. "Right. Jules. Old habits I guess." She rubbed the back of her neck in a way that reminded Julseithe of Cullen's awkward manner.

The blush made Julseithe's heart race. Do it now.

"There was something I wanted to talk to you about."

Lace recovered her composure, the blush fading, seemingly relieved for the apparent change in subject. "Of course, what's on your mind?"

"I know you said we should talk more about… things after Corypheus was defeated…" Julseithe took a deep breath before plowing ahead. "But I was thinking that we could talk about them sooner than that, like maybe now, or maybe not now but soon, just the two of us."

All the color seemed to drain from Lace's face. "Like… a date?"

Julseithe backpedaled as quickly as she could. "Only if you wanted to, of course. This is fine, just talking about not that, I don't want to put you on the spo—"

"Yes." Lace cut her off, color rushing back to her face until she appeared plum, washing away her freckles.

"Oh," Julseithe caught her breath, leaning back slightly. "Great."

"Where did you have in mind?" Lace didn't look at her as she asked, eyes trained deep into her tankard, and the blush had not faded.

Shit.

Julseithe had not considered that far out.

"I, well, I hadn't actually gotten that far," she blurted honestly, feeling her face approaching a similar hue to Lace's.

Lace peeked over the edge of her tankard at the other woman. "Maybe we could just, take a walk?" She gave an awkward shrug. "The ramparts are usually deserted."

Julseithe blinked at her, dumbfounded. "You mean now?"

Lace nodded, making the whispy curls around her face bob merrily. "I have nowhere to be."

Don't lose steam now Julseithe.

"That sounds perfect." Her voice sounded sure. Hearing it almost made her believe it. She pushed up from her seat too hard, making the chair bump roughly into the wall causing them both to start. A chuckle bubbled out of her throat.

The great Inquisitor, Herald of the Illustrious Andraste, making a fool of herself over a pretty girl.

The laughter was contagious and Lace's blush faded as they both fell into peals of giggles.

"Sorry about that," Julseithe offered, wiping her eyes.

Lace laughed again as she got to her feet. "Don't worry about it. Now when I trip over my own feet and fall on my face it won't seem so dramatic."

They left the tavern, silent except for the anxious buzzing in Julseithe's ears. She cleared her throat to break the strange quiet, which drew Lace's eye. "Do you really think you'd trip?"

"Nerves turn my feet to nugs," she offered as explanation.

Julseithe slowed her pace as they began to climb the stairs. "You're more nervous around me than when you skulk past enemy lines?"

Lace laughed, her perfect teeth catching the sun and making Julseithe's heart flutter. "No competition. The worst a bear or rogue Templar could do is kill me."

"What could I do that's worse than that?" They reached the rampart's peak and, clear of the walls, a gust of wind pushed Julseithe's nut-brown hair across her face. Sputtering, she brushed it aside to find Lace looking at her with a sweet, warm smile.

"That for one." She laughed, then sobered. "Or the way you chew on your lip when you think. The way your hands flutter around your dagger sheaths when you're nervous. You smile and everyone around you can't help but smile too. A million little things that stop my heart."

Julseithe was so red her mouth couldn't find words, she gaped at the dwarf, lips opening and closing before she swallowed hard and found her voice. "You're much better at this than me," she admitted.

"I've been… preparing for a while I guess you could say." Lace's smile was a mixture of sheepish pride

"You're definitely better at that than me." Julseithe remarked and they both laughed.

As Lace had guessed the ramparts were empty except for the two of them, and Julseithe found herself chewing on her lip as they walked. "Could I— I mean, would you be alright if I—" she floundered. Lace had known exactly what to say and she couldn't get out a whole sentence. "Creators save me. May I hold your hand?"

"I'd like that." She offered her hand.

Julseithe knew she looked like an idiot as she took the smaller woman's hand, wearing what Varric called her "shit-eating grin," but she wasn't much concerned with how she looked. Lace's hand bore the telltale calluses of bow work but between these rough patches was soft as silk.

"I haven't been preparing," Julseithe admitted. "So I don't think I can be exactly as eloquent as you were…" She glanced down at Lace's face and found her smiling encouragingly. "But I— well, I just think you're the kindest, prettiest, most interesting person I've ever met. I miss you when I'm gone, or you're gone, or even when we're both here but not together. I love your eyes, and your freckles, and your smile. I think about you all the time, I want to kiss you—"

She inhaled sharply and clenched her eyes shut, feet stalling midstep.

She'd said too much.

Dirthamen take her, she should have known she'd flub it up.

"I think you should."

Julseithe's eyes fluttered open in surprise. Lace was pink, one foot tucked behind the opposite ankle, nervously rubbing up and down.

"You do?" Her heart was hammering in her ears.

Lace nodded quickly. "I don't know if it's really allowed, you're the Inquisitor after all, and I'm, well I'm nobody, but I'd like to kiss you too—"

Julseithe cut off Lace's words, leaning down to press their lips together. She let her eyes drift closed and Lace squeezed her hand in surprise or excitement, but she didn't pull back.

Her lips were so soft and she smelled like fresh rain.

Julseithe relaxed into the kiss, letting her free hand drift up to cup the woman's face, thumb trailing ever so softly over her cheek.

It was better than she imagined, and she had imagined it often.

Reluctantly Julseithe broke the kiss and looked into Lace's clear green eyes. "How was that?"

"Better than I imagined," Lace replied with a breathy chuckle.

Julseithe couldn't stop the laughter that spilled from her throat, water coming to her eyes.

"What's so funny?" Lace tugged on her arm, blushing again.

"I was thinking exactly the same thing." Julseithe confessed.

The slight frown creasing Lace's brow cleared and she echoed Julseithe's laughter. "Do you think it gets better?"

"I think we should definitely try to find out."