#LearningToTrustMyself

[casualcloudchaos]

Learning to trust by meeting up with doubt

Me: oh hey, yeah, hi, you’re here.

Doubt: Yeah, I mean, you invited me.

Me: Did I? Oh yeah, I guess I did. So, what’s up, how are you?

Doubt: I don’t think you should do this.

Me: Okay.

Doubt: You do not know what you are doing.

Me: Well-

Doubt: You are going to fuck up your whole life.

Me: Okay that’s-

Doubt: You should wait for someone to tell you what to do.

Me: Like who?

Doubt: Anyone.

Me: Anyone?

Doubt: Anyone

Me: Anyone.

Doubt. Anyone.

Me: Okay, I hear-

Doubt: Anyone.

Me: Let me speak.

Doubt: Any-

Me: I said let me speak.

Doubt: Mm.

Me: I hear you. You don’t trust me-

Doubt: No.

Me: Let me speak. You don’t trust me. But I trust me - some of the time. And I am still willing to bet on myself, and know that I will be able to get- no, grow through whatever comes my way after I do this. Okay?

Doubt: Well-

Me: And before you start talking. I see that I gave you an opening there, but I’m taking it back. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. It will be hard, probably. And I’m okay with that because I am miserable listening to you. Now, I can’t make you leave. But, goodbye. I’m going over there. I’ll see you later, I’m sure.

Doubt: You will.

Me. Yeah, you’ll see ME later.

Doubt: Uh-

Me: Yeah. I’ll see YOU later. Trust.

Doubt: Oh-

Me: Yes. Trust.

[sunflowersurvivor]

Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse has shattered my sense of trust- especially my sense of trusting myself. I’m learning to trust myself more and not doubt every decision I make.

#learningtotrustmyself