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blackroseguzzi · 1 year

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Colin Zabel x reader

One shot with Colin and (ex) Fiancé.

Colin had asked me to marry him on Christmas Day. It was unpalatably cliche - unwrapping a box inside a box inside a box until I found the little black Zale’s one. It was the exact ring I had told him I wanted when he’d asked me what style I liked, and as him and our families huddled around me, eyes begging me to say ‘YES’ I decided to please them all and yelp with excitement and pulling in Colin for a kiss. I yelled Yes about 4 times before I think it really sunk in that Colin had just asked me to marry him.

We knew of each other in high school, but had been on vastly different planets. He loved school, and was a straight A student. He was early to class, and stayed behind to converse with teachers about assignments. It was cute in a dorky way.

I hated school. I wanted to stay home and write or read or go for a hike. I felt like an old soul being dragged around high school like a rag doll.

My friends and I were the ones who hot boxed our cars on the way to school, and who payed kids like Colin to do homework for them. I changed a lot once I graduated and got accepted to college. I knew it was only because my father was childhood friends with the Dean, but I tried to remind myself that I had talent, I just didn’t like to use it often when it came to assignments.

College made me realize that the world was bigger, that I could do and go where I wanted if I would just apply myself the way teachers had asked me to for so many years.  I was accepted at the Pittsburgh paper before I even put my graduation cap on my head. They were sickeningly obsessed with my writing style. I had been writing for my college paper all four years, and I was damn proud of each piece of work that I’d done. I wanted to be that reporter that got all the facts straight and who wrote articles that changed people.

I had bumped into Colin in a coffee shop in Lehigh Valley doing some research on some brutality that had been surfacing in the area. I didn’t know it was Colin Zabel when he walked into the coffee shop. I was in leggings, a black oversized Bate’s College sweatshirt, and my hair was in a messy bun stuck straight up on my head. I wasn’t aiming to please anyone, just ask some questions around town about the crimes that had been happening.  “Y/N, Y/L/M,” I remember his voice was so sexy and gentle. I twisted around to see who possibly could have known who I was in this area of PA. I was met by a handsome man with perfectly ironed clothing, a fresh shaved face and clean haircut. He smiled as he looked me over quick and then shook his head as if he was embarrassed to not have given me his name yet.

“Colin, Colin Zabel from Easton High. You probably don’t have any idea who I am. I was always in the closet in high school.”

I raised my eyebrow at him.

“I mean shadows. WOW. I didn’t mean to say closet, oh god.” I just started to laugh, and Colin’s shoulders released some tension.

“I do remember that name. I think I had English literature with you. I think you called me out for accidentally using the wrong ‘Their” in my final paper,” It was my turn to look him up and down. He had certainly grew into his awkwardness, and I suddenly felt so embarrassed at the way I was dressed.

“Hey let me buy you a coffee? It’s the least I can do for the final paper correction.” He flashed me a smile and I felt my heart pump blood a little faster. “I’m not sure where you’re headed but I’d love to get a few minutes of your time to catch up,” He ushered me forward and I shook my head.

“I’d love that, Colin.”

Three years later:

I stared at myself in big giant mirror in front of me. The Martina Liana wedding dress I had dreamed of my whole life. It was my final fitting today, and in two weeks I was becoming Mrs. Zabel.

My mother stood next to me, I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

“My baby girl, you’re too perfect. I can’t wait to see Colin’s reaction when he sees you!” She put her hand over her mouth. I really didn’t want her to cry. I also really didn’t want to be there. I had gotten an email today from the Washington Post. They wanted me to join their team. I only sent them my resume after I got a nasty comment on my latest news article. I had gotten wine drunk and sent all my work to their editor in hopes I could feel a sense of confidence in my work again. I was dragging the last two years since starting to work remotely from Colin and I’s shared apartment. I wrote about mindless nonsense in my sweatpants eating ramen noddles on most days. I was getting lazy and I wanted change. I was loosing my lust for wanting to move people with my writing. Now I just wanted them to finish my whole article instead of skim to the end.

“Are we almost finished here?” I turned towards the lady behind me. I probably shouldn’t snap at the woman who had a needle in one hand and my 5 thousand dollar wedding dress in the other. She rambled quickly in Spanish before getting back to work.

“Honey, you look stressed. Are you getting nervous?” My mom took my hands.

“No, god no.” Lies. “I’m just excited to go home and see Colin.” He had been working long nights at the office, his newest case was running him into the ground. He hardly slept the last few weeks trying to move up the ranks of his newest position as county detective. He absolutely loves what he does, and it shows. He was so smart, and loyal to his job. I couldn’t ever imagine him leaving, but I know he would if I asked him to…

I politely asked my mom to grab my phone for me, telling her I was going to ask Colin to pick up a bottle of wine to celebrate the last dress fitting before the big day. Yet again, a lie.

Another email from the Washington Post editor was the only notification I had on my phone.  I tapped the screen with nervous hands. What if they were retracting their offer?

“Y/N,

As you can see we have so many outpouring of applications waiting to be accepted into our paper. You work is fabulous, and we need that kind of insight and spectacular attention to detail at our company. Please let us know by tomorrow morning if you accept this once in a lifetime opportunity. We’re excited to hear from you and plan our next big steps!

Talk soon.”

I didn’t sleep much that night for more than just the proposition from the paper. Colin hadn’t returned my texts in hours. I knew his career was extremely time consuming, but I also knew that it was dangerous. I only asked him to give you updates here and there- and usually he was extraordinarily good at keeping you informed on his whereabouts. He loved that I loved him. He was always telling me that I was the best thing in his entire life. I know most girls would kill to have someone say that to them, but it made me feel utterly stuck. I wanted this job at the Washington post so bad I could taste it. I knew Colin would be ecstatic for me, and he would quit his job and start at square one at a new job in DC…but DC was a completely different kind of dangerous than PA. That terrified the shit out of me. He was too pure, he was too good. He would do anything for me and I couldn’t accept that kind of responsibility.

I decided to take a shower. It was the middle of the night and my thoughts had made me feel the need to have a good cry- and it was just my comfort place to do it. I hated crying, especially in front of people. I always used the excuse to cry in the shower, and I’d done that ever since I could remember. I felt the water rush over my face, forgetting that the warm liquid was mixed with my tears. I can’t pass up this opportunity to work for the Washington Fucking Post, but I knew I couldn’t allow Colin to throw away the life he built here- even before I entered his world. I didn’t want to imagine declining the job opportunity and rotting away my career that I’d made for myself. I was already feeling like I was starting to just be an extension of Colin. I would soon just be his wife that nobody cared about that would pop out three or four kids and completely give up journalism to get pissed and puked on and cook and clean. I hated cooking. Colin was so much better at it than I was anyway.

I heard the bathroom door open and I felt the hairs on my arms stand up. I could hear Colin undoing his belt and the rest of his clothes crashing down to the floor in a soft thud. He peeled back the shower curtain and I mustered up a smile.

“I’m soooo sorry I didn’t get a chance to text you back, I was out on the field. I am so close to crashing this case, you have no idea.” Colin slowly made his way into the shower and I quickly wrapped my arms around him, I wanted to feel his embrace. It was my home, the most comfortable place on earth.

Was I too comfortable?

“I was just worried,” I felt the hot water running down my back and I looked into Colin’s dark eyes. He was such a handsome guy, and his eyes were my favorite thing about him. For someone who was such an open book, his eyes gave off so such mystery. He was religious about being clean shaven. In all the years you knew him, he would shave the little stubble he had every Sunday morning. And that smile - got it was intoxicating.

He kissed my forehead sweetly, and I felt a warmth in my heart that I dreamed about feeling for someone since I was a child. I would always love Colin, but I had to love myself more?

Colin grabbed the shampoo bottle from the side shelf in the shower and started to ramble on about work, what he could discuss publicly that is. I knew the case meant everything to him, and he was so proud of how close he was getting to cracking it.

I watched him shampoo his hair as he moved me around so that he was now under the water stream, and he turned it down a bit. He wasn’t one to enjoy my scolding showers.

“Oh, I forgot - You sure you want me in a black tux? I was thinking maybe Navy would look good with the Carnations. What do you think?” Colin looked at me, and I realized he was talking about the wedding- the wedding we were were going to have in two fucking weeks.

“Whatever you think is best honey,” I stated as I decided it was time to get out of the shower before I turned into a prune.

“It’ll be a surprise at the alter then,” Colin called out as I wrapped myself in a fresh towel. “I still can’t believe you’ll finally be Mrs. Zabel.” I could hear the smile in his voice as I snuck out of the bathroom and walked slowly back to our shared bedroom, quietly crying the whole way there.

THE NEXT MORNING

I sat at the kitchen island, my hands shaking as they hovered over the keyboard of my computer. I took in a breath and held it there for a moment. I heard the door of the bedroom open and watched Colin walk briskly around the kitchen. He plopped in a bagel and poured a cup of coffee. We did this dance almost ever single day. I got my computer open and turned on while he got himself breakfast and answered work emails from his phone. He slid me over a mug, he knows just how I like my coffee- black, like how my soul was feeling.

“It might be a late night for me tonight, babe,” he called out to me, but I didnt respond I just watched as he spread cream cheese on his barely toasted bagel.

I pressed the enter key on my keyboard and the swoosh should of the email I just sent expelled from my computer. I closed the laptop and stared at Colin. He was leaning over the island in our shared kitchen in our shared apartment that we shared our lives together in for so many wonderful years.

He picked up the bottom half of his bagel - he always ate the bottom part first. He was always one for silly repetitions in his life. He took a bite and scrolled through his phone. I watched him swallow and I decided it was time to speak.

“I’m calling off the wedding.”

Colin’s eyes shot towards you. He instantly turned white, and his face twisted in confusion.

“Excuse me? What did you just say?” I knew he was hoping that I was joking or that he had heard me wrong.

“I’m not in love with you anymore, Colin…..I’m moving to DC at the end of the week.”

He slowly put down the bottom half of his bagel. He pressed his lips together as he didn’t dare break eye contact with me. I had done what my heart was yelling at me not to do, but one day I just hoped he’d understand why.

That was the bitter end for us, and as much as it had pained me to do so I did it. Colin was always one to play it safe in life. I watched him eat the bottom half of his plain bagel every morning for the whole existence of our relationship. I knew he was one to never break a habit and that loved to please me in any way he could - no matter how much it hurt him. I wanted him to eat the top half some days, and I wanted him to go out and do things that scared him and excited HIM- I wanted him to do things for Colin, and nobody else. I know he loved me, but sometimes I worried he just loved the idea of me. The wife that he never fought with, the one he proposed to on Christmas just because the Jewelry store adds had told him it was the perfect time to do it. He played everything in his life so safe, and he deserved so much more.

19 Months Later

“HEY LADY!” My editor barged into the room as I was packing up some of my work things. I was about to travel home for thanksgiving. I wasn’t thrilled about both since my mother had practically disowned me since my split with Colin. I’m not sure if I had ruined her reason to brag to her friends, or that I had cost her close to 10 grand in wedding deposits she couldn’t get back.

“Please tell me you have a reason for me to stay at work this week?” I asked with pleading eyes. I gave her a small frown and put up my praying hands. She laughed and handed me a printed copy of the paper from my home town.

“Body of a young girl found dead in Chester County”

I grabbed the paper from her and skimmed the article. I tried not to focus on the grammatical errors of the small towns horrific paper, but of the intensity and lack of information that this case had.

“Wow, this is horrible. It reminds me of that girl… Katie… Katie something. She went missing a few years ago. I wonder if it’s related?” I handed back the article and continued to stuff my paperwork into my backpack.

“Girl, do you not get what I’m getting at here?” You glanced at your editor and cocked your eyebrow. I had no idea what she was getting at actually.

“You need to cover this story. I want a piece upon your return about how you went home on thanksgiving to learn of a murder that happened in your small town. I think it’ll blow up- considering it clearly isn’t getting the media coverage it deserves with this shit piece the wack job paper of theirs came out with.” I laughed and shook my head, who in DC wanted to hear about my small town, and a murder there. Of course, this was a terrible story and sad for all involved, but who would want to read about this girls case in the Washington Post?

“Look, it’s doing the girl a favor and I don’t think we’ve covered a piece like this in a long time. You can tie it to the brutality epidemic in the world right now! I think you’ll make it brilliant and will keep you focused on work and not stalking your ex.” She laughed at herself and I inwardly cringed at her comment. I had gotten drunk at the work new years party and completely broke down about Colin and how much I googled searched him.

I sighed and grabbed the paper from her hands.

“Fine, I’ll do it,” I rolled my eyes as she jumped up and down for a moment before turning to leave my office.

“I knew I loved ya the moment I met ya!” She yelled back as she exited the room. I looked down at the paper before shoving it into my bag. This was going to be a long week…

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