#Like I said I don’t hate y'all but ya don't gotta try and push that limit

[dangan-happy]

Kamukura Kamukura yas queen! To Miu Kaito and/or Kokichi. Yes, it's me again. Let's call me spider anon here though, just to make things easier xD. So, today I felt like absolute shit, and honestly feel like.. I'm not enough for everyone, like I'm a letdown. To be fair... I don't recall a time where I didn't at least slightly feel like this, but it's been getting worse lately. So, I'm supposed to be the smart kid right? Highest GPA in my grade, always turns shit in on time, ext, right? (1/2)

Its kinda... always been like that. Ever since kindergarten I have been that “beautiful blossom” with straight A's and a bad attitude, although the latter has gotten a LOT better since like, 6th. Thing is... alongside my other responsibilities, this causes a whole lotta stress. Gifted Kid Burnout as they call it, and I suffer from a lot of it, and the constant pressure of my mom almost Never Letting Me Get Below a 90, 90% of the time doesn't help, and I recently got an assignment (2/???) (Tw for s/h for this part.. I'm rlly sorry, I forgot to put this at the beginning of the post.) In science that was like "write a page-long essay in 3 class periods (about space, just noting that.)”. And being the perfectionist that I am, I went all out, but I found close to nothing on sources, and I had an episode, which has been more... common lately. Basically, I start biting my hand and hitting my legs and crying silently, in a "fit' of self-loathing, and usually nobody notices.. (3/4) Until like, today. This one girl noticed and tried to get me to stop but l.. pushed her away, as always. We made up shortly after but the teacher noticed too and she said she would give me an extension so I wouldn’t get more stressed but yet I'm more stressed anyways cuz I hate feeling like I can't do anything on time and this is the first time I've ever needed one tor school. I'm rlly sorry for bothering y'all with my rambles again, but I could use some advice and comfort rn -spider anon (4/4)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Spider anonymous, that’s a pretty fuckin’ cool name you want to go by. Alright, this is a pretty lengthy ask, not even gonna bullshit it.. Yanno, I’m the smartest person I know, but even I make mistakes here & there.. Living up to smartness…that’s not exactly how I would put it. Everyone is on different levels when you think about it, not all of us can be on the same wavelength.

Man, this really is a lot of shit that you’re going through, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling.. Well after going through all of this, I do think that you can reach out for help, especially if you feel like the stress is getting to you more than ever.. It’s a really tricky situation, but if you need to talk to anyone, you have every right to do so.

A therapist can help you out, they can also help talk you on how to handle stress. How to reduce it so you won’t be feeling so shitty all the time, if that makes any sense. I’ll give you all the hugs you need babes, cuddles for comfort too..

Woah, ok, I'm gonna be real. I think this is the longest ask I've ever gotten, but that's ok! Alright, let's do this. Also, I love the name. Spider anon, spider anon, does whatever a spider can-on. Ok, gonna hit the pause button. You're not a letdown. No matter what you think or say, you're just not. I know what letdowns look like, like the original Sonic movie model, and you're not a let down in the least. 

Yeah, being the smart kid is a lot of pressure. I've never been a "beautiful blossom" but I can imagine it doesn't exactly make things better. Also side note, I'm glad the bad attitude part has gotten better, I'm proud of you bro! I definitely wouldn't call myself gifted, but dang, all of that sounds super harsh, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. Your mom's expectations seem to be really weighing on you, so maybe talk to her about that? 

YOU GOT AN ESSAY ABOUT SPACE?? Sorry, sorry I'm calm, I promise. Aw bro, I'm so sorry you got pushed to that. I get it, I'm a total perfectionist, at least when it comes to space stuff. It sounds like your stress is getting out of control, and if you're getting pushed this far, I'd try talking to a professional too. You don't deserve to hurt this much. (Also, if you need strong sources, look at NASA's websites). I'm glad someone noticed, even if you pushed her away. And I'm glad you made up, and got an extension too! Hey, it's ok. You're in a bad place right now, and it's perfectly ok for you to get some extra time on things. 

Seriously, I think the best thing to do is to talk to your parents, teachers, school counselors and a professional so you can get the help you need. This is some serious stuff. Any form of self harm is serious, and you don't deserve to go through this. You're not bothering at all! I'm happy you reached out to us at the least. I promise things are gonna be ok. I mean, they obviously aren't right now, but if you can reach out to people, I promise things can get better. You're not a letdown, you're an amazing, smart person who's just going through a time right now. I know you can get through it, just be brave and reach out. I 100% believe in you bro. You're amazing no matter what ok? I got your back when you need me, and you can do anything you put your mind to! Now get out there and do whatever a spider anon can-on! 

Hi Spider Anon!! Wow, yeah, that's long. Sooo, I'm gonna give you the best help I can!! Wow, smart kid, gifted kid, and beautiful blossom all in one?? Wow, I can almost feel the pressure from here!! I haven't ever been a beautiful blossom...I think, but yeah, I know about the other two. And it's never easy. For real, I'd talk to your mom about those expectations, because they're seriously stressing you out and leading you to some less than great coping strategies. Seriously, if it's impacting you this much, you gotta say something to her. Ew, papers. I hate those. I'm not a total perfectionist, but damn, you poor spider anon, I'm really sorry you got so stressed. I mean, this is obvious, but self harm is not the way to go. I get it, sometimes you can't help it. It's an addiction after all, so I one hundred and twenty five percent recommend you talk to a professional. That's your best bet for help with the self harm.

You shouldn't have to fight that fight alone, and there are people out there who can help. I get self loathing fits too. I don't do what you do, but I know how it feels in the moment. Hey, the good news is that someone noticed this time around!! It's ok, I push people away too. You made up though, and that takes a lot of bravery, so I'm proud of you ok! It's seriously ok if you need more time for this assignment. It's honestly a good thing since you're not in a great headspace. It seems like your teacher is open to helping too, so maybe try talking to them about everything you're going through. I think the key to making this better is to talk to people so they know how you're feeling. People will notice if you let them notice ok? 

Hey, no need to apologize!! Overall, my advice is to reach out to a professional. Maybe anxiety medication would help too, and I think talking to your mom about how her expectations make you feel would be good. You're seriously smart ok? Your grades don't define you as a person. You don't have to be perfect all the time. All you gotta be is your wonderful spider-anon self, and that's enough. So hang in there ok? You're amazing no matter what!!

[kmclaude]

Then why not just ignore them and let them be idiot kids on their own?? I mean none of them tried to interact with you on that level, so they probably understand that you don't want that and were trying to avoid hurting you. I mean... You are the one who started this entire thing up again.

And you are the one continuing it so I’m not seeing your point. 

They posted it publicly which means there’s a chance I’d find it knowing how insulting it is and I’m allowed to have a reaction to it on my blog which you are free to unfollow at any time. Sorry it’s not the one you want though it’s the one we all knew I’d have. 

Like man, to be blunt in all honesty? Be grateful I’m taking this in stride considering y’all all know how insulting this is. It straight up disgusts me but hey, can’t stop you, and at least I’m laughing rather than going the fuck off ‘cause believe me, I know people who would not be as chill at all. As a friend said that I’m kinda misquoting: “It’s alarming to have someone appropriating your intellectual property.” Like... It’s very understandable why someone would not be cool with this stuff ‘cause it’s essentially glorified roleplay going above and beyond the boundaries of roleplay (and often using some rather troubling language that borders on if not totally appropriates the language of mental health.)

All I’m asking is if I gotta deal with this, I at least wanna see someone try to pretend they’re an amoral trickster demon who’s sole purpose is eating souls and wrecking people. I need a laugh.