#Luka's parental instincts took a second to kick in

[seadragon-sailing]

The little waddles up to Luka and pats his hand. “Lulu has a kitty. Kitty is happy.” She smiles and places his hand on her head, “head pats!”

Luka: "Aw, alright." *He chuckles at first, not really thinking anything of the encounter. That is, until he realizes something.* "Hey, wait-- Wait a minute... Where are your guardians?!"

[anjuschiffer]

[Maribat] Sparks Au - Snippet 3

Here’s the next installation of the Sparks Au! 

As much as I wanted to write more angst and make the trio argue before coming to an agreement, I wanted to write more interactions between Damian and his daughter Alicia (of course she still doesn’t know that’s her bio dad).

Tags: @theatreandcomicfreak​ @myazael @daminett4life @amayakans​ @bzz75​ @mochegato @multplelifes @toodaloo-kangaroo @emo-elaine13 @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss

MASTERLIST | PREV 

Context: Damian knows that Alicia is his daughter and is demanding answers from Marinette, who is quickly dodging his questions and demands. As they bicker, Luka comes in running, telling Marinette Alicia’s nowhere to be found and might possibly be outside. Marinette panics and Damian offers to help, in which Luka accepts his offer despite Marinette being against it. Marinette finally gives in on the condition that Damian brings Alicia straight back to their home if he does find. He agrees and actually finds Alicia at her school. 

He does find Alicia, coming out of her school, head hung low. 

---

Sense of relief washed over Damian when he saw Alicia emerge from the doors of her school, but his heart ached upon seeing the child in distress. It didn’t help once she lifted her head.

“Alicia!” He yelled in hopes of grabbing her attention, walking up to her. She looked back at him, Damian wondering if this really was the same child he met weeks ago. 

Damian didn’t know what overcame him, but when he noticed the dullness in her eyes, he quickly scooped Alicia into a hug, giving her a squeeze. As if… as if he was afraid she would disappear, that she would slip through his grasp.

He also hated the fact that this was the way he was seeing her emerald eyes up close. They were puffy and red, able to see distraught in them all too clear. 

“M. Wayne, are you alright?” Alicia asked, causing Damian to let go of the seven year-old. He let out a sigh when he saw that life was once again in her eyes. They didn’t twinkle like they did the first time they met, but it was definitely more vivid than what they were seconds ago.

“I shouldn’t have done that Alicia.” Damian apologized, dusting off his presence off of her, Alicia watching him silently as he did so.

“I didn’t mind it.” Alicia bluntly stated, looking behind him. “Why are you here?”

“Your parents are looking for you.” Damian said with a strain, Alicia picking up the way he said parents with doubt. “They asked me to bring you home to them.”

“I… I don’t want to go back.” Alicia said, taking a few steps back.

“What do you mean?” Did something happen? Is that why she is… the way she is? “Your parents are-“

“They probably want to scold me.” Alicia looked down at the floor, hating that her vision was starting to muddle. “I lost something very important to Maman.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Alicia nodded, not daring to look up. 

Damian wondered if this is what Dick felt like whenever he went to him after not finding a solution to his problem. To look so powerless… so beat up… so lost…

“I need to look for it, I need to!” Alicia yelled, her tiny hands balled into fists. They quivered with hatred. “If not…  Maman will never forgive me…”

Self hatred. 

“Why don’t the two of us look for it together?” Damian offered, seeing her hands relax. “If we can't find it around here, we can think of other ways to find it. Sound like a plan?” 

Seeing Alicia brighten up a bit calmed something in Damian’s chest. It warmed up when Alicia hugged him. 

“Thank you.” 

—-

“He found her.” Wayzz said as he phased through the wall, floating between Luka and Marinette. “She’s safe.”

“Why didn’t he-” Marinette started, her brows furrowed.

“Thank you Wayzz.” Luka interrupted, Wayzz bowed before he went back into the bracelet. Luka places the bracelet back into its box and into the safe. He then turned to Marinette. “We know where she is now. She’s safe.”

“But she’s with him.” Mari hissed, plopping into her chair, dragging her hands down her face. “What’s he planning?”

“Can’t you trust him?” Marinette glared at Luka.

“Last time I did that…” Marinette huffed. “I ended up heartbroken.” And with a child, she wanted to add, but she knew what that sounded like- as if she never wanted Alicia. 

Truth was, Alicia was her beloved child, the only good thing that came from that time at Gotham.

“Okay, so he fucked up, I get it.” Luka said, crouching in front of Marinette. “Why can’t you give him a second chance?” After all, she did so with Alya after the Lila shit that happened in lycee and with him… 

That was a story for another day...

Marinette looked at Luka, his eyes staring back at him with concern. She huffed.

“I don’t know.” Mari admitted, burrowing her face into her hands. “A part of me doesn’t trust Damian because of what he did to me, but another part of me wants to trust him because of how he treated me before that, that night.” 

“So give him the chance to prove you wrong.” Luka said, placing his hand on her knee. “If he fucks up this time as well, then you got every right to kick him out of our lives.” Mari looked at Luka before hugging him, Luka pushing himself back to make room to cuddle.

Marinette snuggled against his chest, circling her arms around him.

“He gets one chance. That’s it.”

“Seeing as that is the case,” Luka watched as she looked at him with intense eyes. “Let Alicia stay with him for the next week.”

“Luka Couffaine, what did you just suggest?!”

----

Damian walked with Alicia, wondering what it would’ve been like if he hadn’t done what he did eight years ago. 

If he had told Marinette what was going through his mind, would this have occurred earlier? To walk beside Alicia and help her with whatever she needed? Would her name still be Alicia? If only he didn’t remain silent all those years ago.

Damian continued his games of ‘What-If?’ when he heard his name get yelled at from across the street. 

Damian turned around, to see a furious Marinette, Luka trailing behind her. Damian quickly stood in front of Alicia, holding onto her hand when he saw her shake violently.

“Damian Wayne! You better hand over my daughter right now.”

“I know I said I would-”

“And you didn’t!” Marinette cut off, attempting to push him back, but he didn’t budge. “And you wonder why I don’t want to trust you again when you can barely follow any instructions.”

“Mari.” Luka coaxed, glancing over at their daughter, who cowered behind Damian, a heart aching sight. “Look at Alicia.”

Marinette did as she was told and upon seeing her own daughter, avoiding any eye contact and closeness to her, Marinette felt all her anger subside. Guilt began to bubble and gnaw at her chest.

“Alicia, mon chou.” Marinette softly said, wanting to cry when Alicia harshly flinched at hearing her name. “Let’s go home.”

A muffled sound quietly came from the girl, tiny sobs surfaced shortly after. Marinette watched as her own daughter broke down in front of her, gripping at Damian’s jacket, squeezing the hand Damian offered her. 

What had she done to her own daughter?

“Let her stay with me.” Damian proposed, although he knew that Marinette was going to quickly oppose it, but was surprised when she remained silent.

“I think it’s for the best.” Luka responded, taking a quick look at Alicia and then at Marinette. Both were now silently crying, Alicia not daring to look at her mother while Marinette simply looked at the consequences of her actions. “They need some space to process what is going on and hopefully clear their thoughts.”

Damian could only nod as he watched in discomfort, wondering if it would be okay to pat Alicia on the head.

“How long do you think she will need?” Damian inquired, wondering if he should start furnishing the empty room he had in his apartment. Despite being in Paris for a while, his apartment still needed unpacking. 

“Perhaps a week.” Luka stated, taking out a card from his pocket, handing it over to Damian. “That’s my personal line. Just call or text me about any questions you have about Alicia.”

“You’re completely trusting me with Alicia?” Damian looked down at Alicia. “I thought you would-”

“While I don’t completely trust you, I know you’re not going to harm her.” Luka bumped Damian’s chest. “Your instinct of protecting her has already kicked in, hasn’t it?” Seeing that Damian didn’t deny anything, Luka smiled, looking over at Alicia. “Mon chou.” He coaxed, Alicia slowly looking up at her father.

“Are you going to make me go back… home?”

“Non,” Luka crouched to look at Alicia before planting a kiss on her forehead. “I want you to stay with M. Wayne for a while.”

“Like a sleepover?” Alicia said with a slight chirp.

“Like a sleepover.” Luka repeated. “You’ll get to spend more time with him while Maman gets better.” Alicia averted her eyes. “Mon chou, it wasn’t your fault.” Alicia still didn’t look at him. Letting out a sigh, Luka stood up. “Once Alicia and Marinette calm down, all three of us have to talk. It’s time we settle things from the past.” With that, Luka took Marinette and walked home, leaving Damian with a tired Alicia. The two watched as the duo turned a corner and vanished from their sight.

“M. Wayne, I’m tired.” Alicia decided to say, rubbing her eyes as she said so.

“I know.” Damian crouched down to meet eye to eye, mimicking what Luka did earlier. “Is it okay if I carry you?” With a nod as a consent, Damian picked her up, Alicia placing her head on his shoulder and quickly drifted away. “I promise to protect mon chou, even if it might only be for a single week.” 

NEXT

[leorossi]

❝ If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough. ❞

⋆ ° ♔ — (Finn Jones, bisexual, male) look who’s been captured and brought to Tulach Island; it’s Leo Rossi, a 29 year old spare prince of Italy. He has been described as ambitious & compassionate, but also possessive & cynical. While on the island, he works as a Custodian at the Canteen.

                                                                               ■ HISTORY. ■

  A lot can be said about the Rossi family, but overall they are most loved and respected by their people. To say that the second son of Domenico and Roselle Rossi was proud to be a Rossi is a massive understatement. Leo was only a year younger than his older brother, Luka, and a year older than his sister, Laela. Though the siblings were close in more than just because they were close in age, but because they were raised in one of the most loving families. While Leo would do absolutely anything for his sisters, Luka was the sibling that the spare prince was closer to. The boys acted more like best friends than siblings. There wasn’t anything they kept from one another. Sure, they might have kept a few things from the world but to each other, they are more of an open book to one another. He’s learned a lot from his parents but most of what he knows comes from his older brother, by him teaching him or just Leo simply watching him. Having a silver tongue being one of them, no, he doesn’t necessarily have the silver tongue as Luka but he does have his way with words, his flattering charm. After all, you couldn’t be a Rossi without that certain charm.

  As a spare royal, you were still expected to know and do things as the crowned royals just in case. However, Leo never worried that Luka would ever one, give up his title or two, fail at his duties as the future king of Italy. So, while he still paid attention to the duties and responsibilities he didn’t fail in picking up his hobbies and path. Martial arts being one of them, it didn’t take too much or long for him to realize the passion he has to use his own hands and head. Plus he was good at it. Becoming amazing and deadly with his hands as he is with any weapon in them. Oftentimes he and Luka would have battles, friendly fights to not only better their abilities but also friendly competitions to see who was better. Normally Luka would always win, but Leo has sworn that one day he will beat his perfect older brother.   The day of Luka’s kidnap was the day that a piece of him went missing as well. The two were, again, close and even though his parents and sisters took it just as hard - Leo took it a little harder. Now the country looked to him to lead Italy one day. It was a pressure he didn’t realize could make or break him. How the hell did Luka do it all so perfectly?   Though the Rossis’ perfect life was soon about to end. When they were all sound asleep in their beds, the Japanese prince snuck into the royal house and into the king and queen’s chambers. Shooting both Domenico and Roselle in the head. The prince was captured by the Italian guards but before Leo could announce judgment on the prince, he had already committed suicide. However, the misfortunes didn’t end just there - as he laid his parents to rest, news of Laela getting captured soon fell into his ears. Concentrated on trying to see if there was a fresh trail to pick up to find his dear sister, Leo’s uncle soon stole the throne from him - overthrowing him. Bad news…bad luck was hitting the prince from every direction. Still, right now his main concern was ensuring Maddalena and her safety. All royals were under attack with the multiple kidnappings but it seemed as if the Rossis were more under the spotlight then the other royal families.   Months…maybe a year later, Leo never gave up his search to find his siblings, to find the man responsible for his parents’ death…and his siblings’ capture. Most importantly never stopped plotting that perfect plan to overthrow his uncle. To imprison him until his brother came home and do what he willed for the betrayal - but fate had a completely different plan for him. Still making his appearances, Leo was making his way towards a fundraiser event when a horrific car accident happened. He was in the backseat of a 2020 Lexus RX when a semi ran a red light, hitting the opposite side of the car Leo was in at the right time to flip them and pin them into a brick wall. The accident was staged, and even though there were guards with him, they were shot in the head. Something the prince had witnessed when he eventually came to, his vision was blurry and there was an irritating buzz in his ear but he also couldn’t mistake someone getting shot in the head. Realizing he was under attack, he quickly unbuckled his belt or tried to until he ripped it from its hinges and crawled out of the smashed in the car. Scrambling to his feet, he was trying to run away but someone had a hold of his shirt and yanked him back. Instinct kicked in and he fought off as many as he could but the last thing he remembered was a wet cloth being pressed against his nose and everything went black. Eventually coming to, the realization of who was behind the attack was never so clear. Pirates, filthy fucking pirates. Leo didn’t know where the ship was taking him but he was hoping it was taking him to his siblings, damn it’s been too long since he’s seen them.

                                                                       ■ RELATIONSHIPS ■

✧ Luka Rossi: The boys grew up as brothers but their bond connected them like best friends. They tell each other everything and there is no secrets kept between the two older Rossis.  ✧ Laela Rossi: Leo’s first younger sister, even though he and Luka are closer - there is still nothing he wouldn’t do for either of his sisters. He loves them both dearly and will protect them with everything in him.  ✧ Maddalena Rossi: The youngest in the family and Leo’s second sister. Even though he and Luka are closer - there is still nothing he wouldn’t do for either of his sisters. He loves them both dearly and will protect them with everything in him. 

✧ Raiden Sherwood: When Leo was 19-years-old, he attended  Oxford in England - majoring in psychology.  Despite what most would believe about Leo, he was still a virgin when he attended college. Least till he met a bright blue-eyed blonde English man by the name of Raiden Sherwood. The prince’s attraction in men was always apparent but he never really acted on it till the night he met him. The night he slept with him, the first person he’s ever slept with...the first man he’s ever kissed and been intimate with eventually became his first real relationship. Falling fast in love that all changed when Leo graduated from college and had to report back to Italy. They tried to keep in touch but it was never good enough. The pair split and he’s never heard from his English lover again after that and he couldn’t help to this day to wonder how Raiden is and if he has someone new in his life.  ✧ Nikita Orlov: The crowned Russian Princess was Leo’s close friend and second love. However all good things must come to an end. The pair broke up and grew apart as their duties got more heavier, and Nikita’s true betrothal was announced. Even though he will always love her. He can only see them now as just close friends, someone he will do absolutely anything for.   ✧ Teddy Cellario: Grace was Luka’s betrothal, however, as Leo and his older brother is close, he got to spend time with both Grace and Teddy and even though they weren’t married, Leo saw them as part of his family already. Thus, when Luka was kidnapped and the contract between the Rossi’s and the Cellario’s he was saddened. Still it never stopped the second son of Domenico Rossi from seeing both Grace and Teddy as part of his family. 

                                    ■ CONNECTIONS & WANTED CONNECTIONS ■

✧ Siblings >> Luka & Laela Rossi   ✧ First Love >> Raiden Sherwood ✧ Best/Close Friend [Ride & Die] >>  O P E N    ✧  Friend(s) >> Lili Orlov, Fiona Dughlas, Arielle Aremberg, Teddy                                                     Cellario & More  ✧  Frenemy >>  O P E N ✧  Fling >>  O P E N  ✧  True Enemy >>  O P E N  ✧  Claimer/Watcher >>  O P E N (pirates only) ✧  Ex(s) >> Raiden Sherwood & Nikita Orlov  ✧  First Kiss + Intimate partner >>  Raiden Sherwood ✧  Betrothal >> Temporarily Closed -- NPC                                               & More to Come.

[ageofwrathrpg]

Name: Lena Antonevna Spektor Age: 19 Ability: Aerokinesis Faction: LESYAS as a PROSPECT Faceclaim: Hailee Steinfeld Availability: OPEN

THE STORY || TW: Abuse 

There was always something wrong with her. Something lopsided, something off. There had to have been, naturally, or her parents wouldn’t have left her to foster care, bouncing around from family to family like a volatile pinball. They abandoned her when she was twelve, but somehow she always knew that they would. They said that it was the money. They couldn’t afford to send her to a good American school, to keep her, but on the days before her expulsion, they cried and cried and Lena understood. No one wanted a daughter that could do what she could. No one wanted a “freak” to carry their last name. What they didn’t understand, could never fathom, was that their little girl wanted nothing more than to be like them. She had never meant to lose control. Didn’t mean to suck the air from her classmate’s lungs, to stop their laughing at her hair or her nose or whatever, you know? She had never meant to hurt anyone. Before she was sad or angry, Lena was mostly just scared. How could nobody see that? Why could they not see that? They were supposed to love her. They weren’t supposed to lie.

Lena learned to disconnect, to build her guard and keep it up. She would practice her ability secretly, so secretly, on windchimes in the night. Her life became cyclic. Transplant, hurt, grow, and repeat. Sometimes, things would begin to get better; she would learn new normals and make peace with her life, but then someone would make a decision, watch her crumble, and leave her alone to pick up the pieces. She was sixteen when she finally met her new parents. All of the others had been posers, candidates that would see from the start that Lena wasn’t what they wanted. She hated them. Then the Spektors came into her life. They were a strange couple, tall and Russian and looking for something special. It was windy when they met. Very windy. Too windy to be considered a normal climatic phenomena. They spoke to her for hours with their thick accents and crossed legs. They weren’t awful. The weather stilled. And then the word ‘vila’ passed their lips, and the wind cracked a branch from a tree and sent it crashing through a window. She stared at them. They smiled.

As soon as she learned about them, it made sense that they would adopt her. Vilas both, with four miscarriages and a strange fixation with the Western world. They flew with her to Moscow and being in those airplanes with them felt like coming alive. It was only when she arrived at their home that it all became too good to be true. No two ‘genetics professors’ could possibly warrant the wealth that was built into their home. They trusted her with a trust that was more than trust. It made them stupid, but it also made Lena grateful. Their true professions were hardly tame: they were researchers for a gang called the Lesyas. They sat her down and told her everything, start to finish, with no room for forgotten details. She wanted to help – wanted to, but they were her parents now and gently refused. School first, gangs later, it was the Spektor way. Finally, at 18, she passed the USE with a near-perfect score. She was eligible for a scholarship, but, well, she had been positively itching to be a Lesya, and what a Spektor wants..  a Spektor gets.

THE CHARACTER

Lena was born of wind into chaos, a tempestuous tornado who understood the true meaning of being alone. She’s still hard to trust, but in those last two years that she has spent with her family, she came to understand the beauty of letting people in. She lives with her eyes wide open and her head (sometimes literally) in the clouds. She can afford to be vulnerable now, and it’s a nice feeling to lean on people she knows won’t let her down. The Lesyas’ warm welcome still sticks with her. She’s tucked the feeling of belonging deep inside her heart. If someone tries to take that away from her, she’ll have their head. Simple. It’s the Lesya way.

CONNECTIONS

Ekaterina ‘Kat’ Radimevna Kozlova - She’s truly lucky to have her as a trainer. Ekaterina is demanding and sincere and would never give Lena that pitying gaze that she loathes so much. Their many sessions have prepared Lena in a wide variety of skills, and throughout it all, their relationship grew into something like friendship. 

Yana Czarevna Grekova - Yana works with her parents, therefore Lena should be on her best behavior when in her presence. She would, she really would, but the first time they met, Yana was poring over a cadaver whose pornographic clothing and grotesque offal were more distracting than not. Their introductions were cut blessedly short when another researcher spilled chemicals on Lena’s coat. Now Lena associates Yana with dead prostitutes and the smell of burning leather.

Sergei Arsenyevich Vosteck - It’s nice to have someone her age in the Lesyas. Granted, he’s technically their prisoner, but the sentiment is still there. It wasn’t difficult for Lena to befriend Sergei. She’s kind to him, and call her old-fashioned, but his reciprocation is all it took for him to be likeable in her eyes.

Fyodor Grigorovich Kadinsky - Sometimes they’ll pose as father and daughter. It was never supposed to be this way. Too dangerous. Lena’s not ready for a glistening career in espionage, but Fyodor makes her feel safe. He puts her security first, always. He’s the best fake father she could have possibly asked for. It is a bit of a nuisance when his paternal instincts stretch the limits of professionalism, however.

Luka Viktorovich Ikashev - If Lena didn’t know any better, she’d think Luka was a Rostek spy, but no. No, they’ll train together and she’ll try not to kick his ass too hard and at the end of the day, they should really go out for drinks, but he’s always already gone. Poof! Just like that. Off to do whatever broody bullshit Luka Ikashev’s always preoccupied with. She wishes he’d just wind down for once.

[[ More Connections ]]

ETC

When she was in foster care, Lena endured her fair share of abuse. The way she sees it, people are guilty until proven innocent. They can’t be trusted, and she has the scars to prove it.

Lena loves coffee. Can’t get enough of it. It is, after all, the life force of all insomniacs.

Her ability isn’t a curse, despite what she believed for more than half her life. She can fly a kite and get that windswept hair in a matter of seconds. It’s fun, delightful, and the best thing ever. She resents her birth parents for making her despise it for so long.

Despite her surname, Lena’s American, born and raised. She misses slurpees and 4th of July fireworks. It’s not uncommon for her to make references to the pop culture she adores. The other Lesyas must think she’s odd by now.

Because her parents are nothing if not formal, Lena never learned half of the Russian language’s arsenal of cursewords. She tries to use them sparingly, but, really who is she kidding? She swore like a sailor when she lived in the States, and she'll swear like a Mudak once she learns the pronunciation.

[vowel-in-thug]

and here I take my wifey privileges and ask for something from something you didn't say was allowed bc you love me :) philip and lukas, eyewitness "i'm alive, i can tell because of the pain."

DEEPLY. SIGHING. i’m gonna lose followers for this non-related content ALLIE and then I’ll just be left with my friends, the porn bots.

i’ve never written anything for this before in my life and i’ve only seen the show once WEEKS AGO and i know you know this and i know you don’t care so HERE’S THIS THING.

ps to anyone who reads this, i am a swim instructor, and everything in this is A+ solid advice

Eyewitness, Philip and Lukas, "i'm alive, i can tell because of the pain."

The idea originally came when Philip was trying to think of something to give Gabe for his birthday next month. Philip wasn’t good at coming up with gift ideas, and he had no money, so eventually settled on going out on Gabe’s boat, and actually going out on it this time. But since the last time he was in a body of water, he was dragging his unconscious secret-boyfriend back from the brink of death, being out on the lake still didn’t fill him with much calm. He’d mentioned it off-hand to Lukas one day, and Lukas had nodded silently, sympathetically, and didn’t say anything, until the next day he showed up at Philip’s house, thrusted his extra helmet into Philip’s hands, and said today was a Day of Learning.

Now, Philip stood in a YMCA locker room in a pair of borrowed swim trunks, learning that his boyfriend could be an asshole sometimes.

The swim trunks used to be Lukas’s, and he said he grew out of them two summers ago but they were the only ones he could find, and Philip wasn’t totally sure he believed that. They fit snugly around his hips, a faded blue with flames along the sides, and the hem of each leg sat higher above his knees than he’d like.

He looked at himself in the mirror. Lukas was already out in the pool, wearing a normal-size pair of shorts. He left Philip to change alone but said if he wasn’t out there in five minutes he’d come looking for him.

They had just been starting to get to know each other when everything went to shit, before. And now, with everything settled, they were finally figuring out how to be regular people around each other. It was a little backwards. Other couples learned what their significant other liked on their pizza before learning what they looked like tied up and gagged in someone’s trunk.

In the last few months, Philip learned Lukas had the worst taste in music (“John Mayer? Seriously?”), he put ketchup in his macaroni and cheese (“No, I don’t care, you’re not kissing me until you’ve repented for your sins”), and that he can quote almost every single episode of South Park (“Yeah, okay, some of the early stuff is pretty funny.”). One scary afternoon, Philip nearly broke up with him when he found out Lukas supported the Yankees, but they were finally able to overcome.

He also learned that Lukas liked to be kissed right behind his ears, that if there’s a particularly nice-looking sunset he’ll always point it out to Philip, or if Philip wasn’t around, he’ll text him a picture of it. Lukas was not a morning person but reached peak cuteness when he was rumpled and monosyllabic before class, and whenever he was eating something he’d always wordlessly hold it out to Philip to share without even noticing he was doing it.

Philip stared at himself in the streaked YMCA mirror, at the stupid board shorts, and the old, hairy men shamelessly changing behind him. He took in the clangs and the shrieks and the whistles of a public pool, the overwhelming smell of chlorine that actually was a source of comfort for it. None of his water trauma ever happened in a pool.

He grabbed his towel, and gave himself one last look of half-realized confidence. His boyfriend was thoughtful, in an absolutely terrifying way. The least he could do was try and see it through without passing out.

It took him a moment to find Lukas out in the pool. He was swimming laps in a middle lane, his body cutting across the water sharply, but with grace, in the exact same way he jumped ditches on his dirtbike and in the exact same way he kissed. Philip put his towel down on the bleachers and stood at the end of his lane, waiting for him to finish.

Lukas stopped finally, breathing hard, and lifted his goggles off his face. He gaped up at Philip, saying nothing.

“I thought the most embarrassing thing about this was me not knowing how to swim,” Phillip said. “You look like a condom.”

Lukas touched the white swim cap on his head but didn’t remove it. He didn’t look mad though. He only pouted. “My hair will turn green if I don’t wear it.” He looked Philip up and down. “I guess the shorts fit, huh?”

“Barely,” said Philip. “Stop ogling me.” He awkwardly sat down at the end of the lane, letting his feet dangle in the cold turquoise water. Baby steps.

“I’m not ogling,” said Lukas. “I’m inspecting.”

“Yeah, well, this is a step up from a speedo, so I guess I should say thanks.”

Lukas smiled. “You’re welcome.”

It was very hard not grab Lukas by the shoulders and pull him in for a kiss, stupid swim cap be damned. He knew they were being open about their relationship, but there was a fine line between holding hands on the way to class and getting kicked out of a YMCA for public indecency.

“Keep swimming,” Philip said. “I’m gonna get in myself, I don’t need you watching me.”

“Okay.” Lukas put his goggles back on. They were black racing goggles and Philip couldn’t make out his expression at all. “Remember, it’s only four feet deep. Nothing can happen.”

Infants drown in bathtubs all the time, Philip didn’t say. Most drownings at a beach occur in shallow water, where it doesn’t even hit your knees. He just waved Lukas away, wincing at the sudden splash of Lukas’s kicks.

The pool was long, about thirty yards, and Philip genuinely got distracted, watching Lukas swim, so he didn’t move from the pool’s edge until he heard a small voice say, “You should get in like this.”

He glanced down at the lane next to him. A small girl in a purple tutu bathing suit was sitting beside him. She was also wearing a swim cap, except hers was hot pink.

“Watch,” she said. She put both hands on one side of her skirt, turning her body so she was facing away from the pool. She slid in slowly until she was submerged to her shoulders, then kicked off the wall towards a parent waiting for her in the lane. “See?” she called out as she swam away.

“Thanks,” said Philip, because it turned out to be preferable to be looking away from the water when he finally got in.

He stood by the wall, clutching it with both hands in an effort to hold onto something and also to keep as much of his upper body out the water. It was cold.

“Nice job!” Lukas splashed up behind him. He stood there, dripping, huge grin on his face. “C’mon, dude. You’re better off just dunking yourself all the way under. The cold water on your stomach is the worst. Here.”

He took off his goggles and put them on Philip, and suddenly the world was tinted black and foggy.

“This doesn’t make things less scary,” said Philip. “Or less cold.”

“I’ll go under with you,” Lukas said easily. “We’re just going under one time, to get you used to the water. When you’re underwater, you like, lose a lot of your senses, so the goggles are a good way to get more comfortable. It’s less freaky when you can at least see.”

Which made sense. And then Lukas was taking Philip’s hands off the wall, and then he was still holding them, which always made sense to Philip.

“Count of three?” he asked.

Lukas counted, and then he was under, and Philip was going under too. He closed his eyes on instinct, the cold rush of water over his head piercing. But then he opened his eyes and saw Lukas, blurred behind the goggles but close enough to see his serene face underwater, still grinning, his eyes squinting through the chlorine.

Philip wanted to kiss him underwater. It felt cliche. But he did it anyway, only a quick brush of lips before rushing back to the surface with a gasp. They were probably submerged for two seconds at most, but Philip still came up panting.

Lukas came up laughing, his cheeks pink. “Feel better?” he asked.

“Much.” Lukas was still holding his hands.

“Okay,” said Lukas. “We’re not here to teach you strokes, right? Maybe one day, but you don’t need to learn any of that right now.”

“Nah, I’ve gotten pretty good at stroking lately, anyway,” Philip said, eyebrow raised.

The fluorescent lights in the gym and the cold water already made Lukas look extra pale, which in turn made his flush stand out even more.

“Knock it off,” he said, pulling Philip’s goggles onto his forehead. “You just want to be able to feel safe, right? So you can go in Gabe’s boat without freaking. So the best way to save yourself in any body of water is to float.”

“Float?”

“Yeah,” said Lukas. He waded over to the edge of the pool. “My mom showed me how to do it when I was a little kid. Being able to swim is good, or treading water, but sometimes there might not be anywhere to swim to, or you don’t know how long you could be waiting to be rescued, and swimming and treading can tire you out. But you can float forever.”

Philip watched as Lukas put both hands along the gutter that ran inside the pool. He put his feet up on the wall, so high he knobby knees were sticking out of the water. He looked up at the ceiling, his head resting on the gentle waves of the pools.

“The most important thing to do is relax,” Lukas said. He let go of the pool edge, pushing off gently with his feet, and his whole body stretched out along the surface of the water, long legs akimbo, relaxed with that ease so quiet it seemed to shout out to Philip. It was what stuck out to Philip in the first place, what he noticed first about Lukas -- just how loud his quiet could be.

“See?” Lukas said, putting his hands beneath his head like he was sunbathing. “Easy.” He stood up easily, too. He blinked a little water out of his eye, smiling still, and Philip had to remind himself yet again about that fine but firm line between real relationship, and banned from the local YMCA.

But it did look easy. So Philip turned to the wall and mimicked Lukas’s pose. Except as soon as he let go of the wall he sunk like a stone to the bottom of the pool.

He felt a shocking pain in his face at the same time he felt hands hooking under his arms, and Lukas was pulling him up towards the air, pressed against his back. Philip was too busy coughing to appreciation the closeness, feeling like water had shot into every corner of his head.

“Jesus, Philip!” Lukas pounding him between his shoulder. “Are you okay? Philip?”

“I’m fine,” Philip gasped, coughing one more time. He rubbed at his nose fiercely. “I’m fine. I’m alive. I know, because of all the pain.”

Lukas turned him around to look at his face, inspecting him thoroughly. When he detected all signs of life, right down to the streaming nose and watering eyes, he sighed, dropping a hand on the back of Philip’s neck.

“Jeez, okay. You’re not supposed to inhale the water, man, what the fuck.” He rubbed Philip’s neck once and tugged on his hair curling wetly there. “Blowing bubbles is the next thing we’ll work on, alright? And no, that’s not anything dirty or anything, you goddamn pervert.”

“I am an innocent young boy,” said Philip, already trying to work out how he could get at Lukas’s phone, and change his contact name to “Bubbles.”

Lukas snorted, but then his face went serious again. “Do you want to keep going?”

“Yes,” Philip said immediately, and was only a little surprised that he really meant it. “Only -- this time, could you…”

“I’ll hold your head,” Lukas agreed, pulling his hands back. “That’s how my mom taught me. Turn around. You want your goggles on?”

“Nah.” Philip turned, looking out at the bottom of the bleachers, the kids running where they shouldn’t, the slick tiles littered with stray hairs and sports bottles. It was different from his other experiences, which was mostly true about everything that happened with Lukas. Even the water felt different on his skin, lighter, cleaner. It made a difference, he realized as he glanced down, to be able to see your foot beneath the surface, planted firmly on a nearby ground.

Then he felt finger tips cupping the back of his head. “Trust fall,” Lukas said quietly in his ear, humor evident in his tone. “Just let your feet rise up.”

Philip started to fall back, head safely pillowed by Lukas’s palms, and he closed his eyes, again on instinct. He felt his feet drift up to the surface slightly as Lukas walked them backwards.

“Push your stomach out,” Lukas said in his ear. “Relax. Spread your legs and tilt your hips up.”

Philip smiled, eyes still closed, as he followed instructions. “Now, why does that sound familiar?”

Lukas tugged on a lock of Philip’s hair sharply. “You are ruining so many childhood memories for me, man.”

“Sorry,” said Philip said, then he added, “You’re making some of mine better, though.”

Lukas didn’t say anything, just continued walking them back, letting the flow of the water pull Philip’s body upwards. Philip could feel Lukas’s fingers rubbing his scalp in ten small circles, occasionally feeling a hand drift away from his head so Lukas was only holding him with one before the other returned again and he’d alternate.

“Just relax, dude.” Lukas was slowly u-turning in the lane, carefully making sure Philip’s feet didn’t knock into the hard plastic of the lane lines as they headed back to the shallow end. “But like, don’t fall asleep.”

“I’m not,” said Philip. He felt awake. His eyes were still closed, and the only sound he could hear clearly was Lukas’s voice, hovering right over his ear. Everything else was muted, the echo of the pool area and the splash of other swimmers became as distant as a rainstorm coming down miles away from Helen and Gabe’s house, the thunder and lightning only known if he happened to glance out the window.

His toes breached the surface of the pool finally, and the sway of the water, the hands in his hair, and the muffled noise reminded him of being a boy, half in a dream and mindless of the city still running outside the thin walls of their crappy apartment.

“You doing alright, Philip?”

Philip’s hands hung uselessly at his side, until he reached up with one, careful to keep his balance on the top of the water. “This is easy,” he said, circling one of Lukas’s wrists tightly. He kept his eyes closed, and Lukas kept him afloat.