#Mean Gills you will always be famous to me. There was so much potential there

[tubbytarchia]

hello hello may we have some meangills for the people in the back /nf :,3

your art is very hpdhldhlkgkdgkgdkgd i love it sm youre one of my fav artists-

You can have this thing I sketched on a bench in the park today before bugs started eating me too much and I begrudgingly left

[darkhymns-fic]

Murder with a Side of Lies (Ch. 1)

A monster murdering another monster is unheard of. Yet that's the case that the Great Detective Papyrus and his tough-as-nails sidekick, Undyne, have to solve! And with a famous (and fabulous) prosecutor already determined to get his guilty verdict, Papyrus finds that not only does his new case take him towards investigating the rainy streets... but straight into the courtroom!

Fandom: Undertale Characters: Papyrus, Undyne, Burgerpants, Bratty Rating: PG Chapters: 1/8 Mirror Links: AO3, FF.net Notes: The sequel to Kidnappings in the Early Evening by Sky. A fusion of detective noir fiction and courtroom drama! All stories, art, etc., related to this main story will be under the tag #undertale noir. (chrono)

Suggested music and rain! 

Next Chapter

A Lawyer Never Takes His Badge Off!

Liquid bullets pelted against flesh and fabric mercilessly, their assault never ending, never comforting. Each new drop felt colder than the last, soaking deep beneath orange fur. His feeble crimson shirt gave no protection against the harsh attack. His very essence could not be protected, could not be saved. The soul was wrinkled, soggy, tired and cold.

Of course he forgot his umbrella at work. Of course it had to be raining this hard right now. Of course she wanted to see him now of all times, in the rain no less. And of course he had fallen for it.

The streetlights stood tall over him, silently judging just like everyone else. The yellow glow was too bright, making his nametag glimmer in the gloomy dark. Burgerpants it read. That name. Not the one given to him by birth, not the one he had chosen, this was the name that had to be stapled haphazardly over his heart.

Other than the pounding of rain drops across the sidewalk, a soggy sloshing of pants could be heard fighting against gravity itself. Once again, he had stuffed his pants full of burgers. He had fallen under the attractive peoples’ spell yet again, even though he swore he never would! He was humiliated. Not even in his own apartment could he find solace anymore, when some fish woman (probably attractive!) broke through his roof not a few days ago, ruining the place.

No. Things would be different now. The burgers felt lighter, he didn’t seem quite so wet anymore. This date with Catty was proof he was turning his life around! The dumpster girls were finally starting to give him the respect he deserved.

The world would finally see him! Tomorrow he’d tell his awful boss he was quitting! He was going to be an actor and outshine that attractive hate-filled robot! Sure, everyone loved that glitter-bot now, but once he got his groove, even this burger flipping cat could outdo him!

He clenched his fist, feeling the inspiration coming along. He knew he was better than his boss! That amateur! Today was the day, he could feel it!

The rain stopped.

It was a sign! He approached the alleyway, noticing the sparkle of dew on the dumpsters and thinking to himself, ‘those are pretty good dumpsters.’ Yeah, he could see why those two girls liked it here. Maybe all attractive people aren’t so bad? There was Catty now! The alleyway was dark, and he could only see her silhouette, but his confidence couldn’t be wrong. With a renewed vigor, he waved to his potential buddy.

Yes, tonight Burgerpants would be no more. He wouldn’t allow anyone to call him that ever again. Tonight was the night everyone would finally learn his name! Tonight was the night everyone would remember him as…!

…

Burgers fell to the concrete with a soggy plop. Dust sprinkled across the wrappers and into the sequin buns.

The rain poured.

.

.

.

Things haven’t been going well.

This is just between me and you, notepad! I’m putting my trust in you! I don’t want to write these words down! it’s impossible that I, Great Detective Papyrus, might be feeling a bit discouraged!

Impossible! Really!

But…

I must admit; I haven’t been feeling so great. Ever since our last case, (which was a grand success by the way!) my partner and best friend, Undyne, has been looking pretty down. I’ve tried to talk with her so many times, tried to encourage her to the best of my ability! Nyeh, heh!

But… nothing seems to be working. Even the rain won’t perk her up these past few days. Today she didn’t even show up at the office.

Worse still, notepad, my brother has been extra lazy! I know it’s just like him to never show up for work, but I’ve been seeing him less and less! When I do see Sans, though, he doesn’t even say his horrible puns! That’s been nice, at least. It’s been nice. I miss the puns. Ignore that last part, notepad! Grammar mistake!

I always knew being a grizzled detective would mean hard times, of course! But, these times are feeling extra hard without many friends to talk to.

I miss Undyne. She called me this morning, saying she would be busy for the day. She sounded sad. Notepad, I sometimes think others think I don’t notice things, or maybe think I’m naïve. Well, maybe I am! But only a little! I know Undyne is out there, and I know she needs her best pal Papyrus!

I did the unthinkable, today, notepad! I closed the office for the day. I know when I get back the phones will probably be ringing off the hook with cases needing to be solved from all over the world, but the world will need to wait! I have a more important mystery to solve! The case of the missing best pal!

The rain sprinkled lightly atop the Bonemobile, pitter pattering against frigid steel. The drops themselves looked slower, less energetic. They lazily dripped over my windshield, pushed aside by the lightest breeze, separated from their wet brothers and sisters. The sky seemed more grayer than normal today, even though it’s almost always raining here.

It felt so empty, so spacious in the Bonemobile. On the bright side, I had more room to store my spaghetti reserves! But, they didn’t fill the passenger seat the same way Undyne did.  

Bah, enough grizzled talk! Using my amazing detective skills, I deduced exactly where Undyne must have gone! Also the receipts and phone calls about complaints kind of gave it away.

Grillby’s. The sign was enveloped in a bright neon-orange flame, flickering and blinking as if it were a burning fire surviving against the coldest of rain. It was a greasy bar with even greasier patrons, my brother being one of them! I’ve come to the place a few times with my bro, but I’m not a fan. A dank, dark bar overflowing with a depressing atmosphere? A daring detective wouldn’t be caught dead in such a dreary destination!

Undyne’s not an expert like I am though!

I parked the Bonemobile in the front, noting there weren’t many other cars today. Approaching the door, cracks and breaks could be seen all along the sidewalk and buildings. A clue! Signs of fighting and general rambunctiousness littered the streets.

The door creaked open, as if recently knocked off its hinges just a few nights ago. Not much light found its way inside the bar other than the owner himself. The good thing about Grillby was you could never miss him, being the fire monster that he is. His flames crackled quietly, reminding me of the never-ending rain just outside. The orange glow of his fire made the bar appear to be bustling with invisible shadowy patrons.

Grillby welcomed me with his customary silence, his glasses glimmering. A nod my way, and it was back to work cleaning mugs. Despite the shadows themselves, not many other monsters were here. It was morning, after all.

“Hey there, Papy!” A voice called out to me. It wasn’t Undyne. One of the regulars. A strange bunny head with swirly eyes smiled happily, seated directly on one of the tables. “Been a while since I’ve seen you come around here! Haven’t even seen your brother in a couple days either!”

Normally, I’d be polite and make conversation, but I was quite busy today. “GREETINGS!” I replied, tipping my fedora towards the monster. For some reason, they frowned at that.

That’s when I spotted her. My fishy friend sat fiercely on her barstool, the light glow of a cigarette highlighting those dangerous fangs of hers. Accompanied by her battered coat covered with rips and tears, she wore a harsh frown, staring forward at some distant memory that only she could see.

“UNDYNE!” I called out, ecstatic to see her again.

As I made my way over, her lone eye stared my way. “Geez, Papyrus…” she sighed, puffs of black smoke escaping her gills.

“I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE BUSY,” I said, taking a seat next to her.

She took a gulp of her drink. Ice clanked noisily against her teeth, amplifying the silence as I waited. “I guess I lied, then,” Undyne said finally, still staring into the darkness.

So cold. It was an unusual response that shook me to my soul. I wanted to say more, and usually I’m quite good at blurting out anything that comes to mind, but all I could ask was, “WHY?”

She didn’t seem to like that either. A light crinkle of the eyebrow, a slight grit to her teeth, but it was just for a moment. “It’s nothing I want you involved in.”

I had to use some of my patented enthusiasm to lighten the mood. “THERE’S NOTHING I CAN’T HANDLE! YOU CAN TELL ME UNDYNE! TOGETHER, WE CAN-”

“Just stop it, Papyrus,” she growled.

Ah. Well. I can’t lie to you, notepad. That hurt me more than I expected. But that’s okay! Friends go through bad times. Undyne didn’t mean it!

Right?

“B-BUT! YOU’RE THE BEST PARTNER A DETECTIVE COULD EVER ASK FOR!” I continued, knowing there must be a way to reach her. “MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU’RE THE BEST FRIEND I COULD EVER ASK FOR!”

“I know what I am,” Undyne mumbled under her breath between drinks. “That’s the problem.”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND.”

Whatever was in that darkness, Undyne finally decided to leave it. She turned to face me now. “Papyrus, I thought I was protecting you.” She paused, curling a hand into a fist. Was she angry at me? “Turns out I was wrong. I was hiding behind you.”

I still didn’t understand, but maybe that wasn’t important right now. “THAT’S OKAY, UNDYNE! YOU CAN HIDE BEHIND ME ANYTIME YOU WANT!” I gave her my best muscle man flex, which I learned straight from her.

She laughed at that. A hearty happy laugh. She laughed, but she cried at the same time. No, no, Undyne wouldn’t cry. It was just the rain.

“Papyrus,” she sighed, wiping the rain away from her eye. “That’s not fair to you.”

“IT’S PLENTY FAIR!” I continued, I wouldn’t give up on her! “SOMEONE AS GREAT AS I AM CAN HIDE ALL THE MONSTERS I WANT!”

It was raining hard, but she still smiled. “Maybe you’re right.” She laughed a strange sad laugh. “But I can’t keep hiding. I’ve been hiding too long.”

Not knowing what I was talking about has never stopped me before! “WELL, STOP HIDING THEN! WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?”

Her gaze fell back to that darkness, smile vanishing in the process. “I dunno.”

“SO IT’S LIKE A PUZZLE? I’M GREAT AT THOSE! AMONG OTHER THINGS OF COURSE, BUT ESPECIALLY GREAT AT PUZZLES!” Work with me here, Undyne!

Undyne couldn’t quite get a grip on where to look anymore. “I think this is a puzzle I need to solve on my own.”

I was getting nowhere fast with her. I sighed. Maybe I should just give up? I’ve never given up on anything! But… maybe it’s for the best? What if Undyne really was relying on me too much? I mean, I don’t blame her of course! But at the same time, what if she really does need me? What should I do?

“Like, hello?”

Undyne is strong enough, too! She can handle anything! But, then, why wouldn’t she tell me?

“Excuse me, but like, hellooo??”

Like, what should I do? What should I say? What could, like, totally get my friend back?

“Like, oh my god, come on!!”

“NYEH!” I yelled, startled, taken back from my grizzled musings. “Y-YES?” I stuttered, not frightened or anything, just … just a stutter, okay!!?

An alligator with golden curly locks stared up at me, eyebrows raised. Atop her head she wore a large brimmed hat with a few mustard stains along the middle. “You’re, like, totally that detective guy, right?”

Wowie! I’m finally getting recognized! “YES I AM!” I said confidently, striking a heroic pose. “GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, AT YOUR SERVICE!”

Undyne grunted and returned to her drinking. Her fishy ears did perk up at the sound of a possible client.

Maybe…

The dame eyed me over, clearly impressed, but too embarrassed to show it. “Yeah, like, that’s cool, and whatever.” See!? She thought I was cool! “I was, like, out by the dumpsters, you know?? Looking for, like, some great accessories and whatever! But I totally saw, like, a bunch of your flyers in the trash right?? At first I was sooo like ‘oh my god what a loser!’ but then, that was like, totally before I really needed your help, you know??”

Her way of talking was, like, totally rubbing off on me! Oh no, this is, like, totally ruining my tone! Luckily for her, I’m a great listener! Even if she was sooo totally going on a tangent!

“So, like, I’m completely desperate here!” she continued. “I went to every detective and help agency I could find, but they’re, like, all so lame!! Saying things like, ‘only an idiot would take your case’ and ‘we don’t work for free.’ But then, like, I totally remembered! You do!” She was very pleased with herself for remembering. “I was out by the dump again when I saw you enter this totally super lame bar. I was debating just how desperate I, like, really was, you know??”

This would usually be the time where Undyne makes the client to get to the point. I guess I’d have to do it?

I attempted my best cough, which turned into a rather loud sputtering noise. On the plus side, it got this alligator’s attention! “MIGHT I ASK WHAT YOU NEED OF ME, MISS…?”

She blinked. “Bratty, I’m like, Bratty.” The gator gave out a grief filled sigh, remembering her task finally. “My B.F.F. Catty is in some major trouble.” Her gaze drifted away as she began to fiddle with her brightly colored claws. “Like, she’s been arrested and accused of murdering another monster? It’s super lame, ya know?”

I heard a glass clank behind my muscular body. Undyne must have been just as surprised as me. “MURDER?” I repeated, baffled. “BETWEEN MONSTERS?”

Bratty waved her wrist at me excitedly. “I know, right??? Like, there’s never been a case of a monster killing another monster in, like, forever??”

She was absolutely right. A murder between monsters was unheard of. Sure, there have been times where humans were involved, but humans are strange creatures, and usually cases like that are dealt on their side of things. Even then, they were very rare.

It seems Undyne couldn’t resist. She finally turned to face us, clearly interested. “Your friend… she’s already been arrested, hasn’t she? What do you expect us to do about it?”

Bratty was back to twiddling with her painted claws. “Like, well, I dunno! They’re going to be holding the first ever monster trial, and no one is willing to defend my best friend!”

Eyebrow raised, Undyne asked, “Lady, do we look like lawyers to you?”

Oh!

Oh!! Oh!!!

“OBJECTION!” I shouted at the top of my non-existent lungs, startling both scaly women. “I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE TRAINED IN THE ART OF LAWYERING!”

“What.” Undyne was simply baffled by my raw power and talent.

Rummaging through my pockets and dropping a few aces here and there, I found my secret treasure. Something I’ve been waiting to use for a long time! “NYEH, HEH, HEH!” I held it out in front for all to see. “MY ATTORNEY BADGE!” The badge itself was a small bronze pin, decorated with an adorable bone in the center to show off my skeletonly stature. It was made of the finest of plastics!

Bratty was so thrilled she could hardly stay still. Undyne, however, was still playing her skeptical detective roll.

“Where did you get that?” She stopped herself. “No, wait, when did you train to be a lawyer?” She placed a hand on her head and mumbled something along the lines of, “I’ve been drinking too much, haven’t I?”

Ah, great questions! I could feel the color coming back to my life, feel the adrenaline pumping through my bones! This is just what I needed! “QUITE A WHILE BACK, SANS GAVE ME A PORTABLE ELECTRONIC LAWYER SIMULATOR! IT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BEING AN ‘ACE ATTORNEY!’”

“Like, while your life story is probably suuuper interesting,” Bratty interrupted. “I sort of, like, totally forgot to mention something really important??” She laughed nervously. “The trial, like, kind of sort of starts in twenty minutes?”

Oh, now that’s a good ol’ fashioned twist if I ever heard one!

Undyne was all sorts of twisted up. “Are you joking?! There’s no way we can-”

I pointed a bony finger towards our potential client dramatically! “WE’LL TAKE THE CASE!”