#Mildly sorry I'm posting angst on new years

[creationsabyss]

Judge, Jury, Executioner (Applause For The Fall Of A God)

The silence hangs heavy as though the guillotine was raised over his own neck at the sight of pooling blues that shine with a gleam of gold. Eyes glazed and unseeing, pinpricks of starshine glow dimming to shadows of the abyss. The world slows down as panic grows, steadily until it all bursts. The first scream brings about a waterfall of regret and fury. He falls to his knees, his hand reaching out as his vision blurs. His soul was being torn apart. He knew he was forsaken. He had not stricken the final blow, but he had allowed it to fall. He was as guilty as the criminals he once sentenced to the dark prisons below the waters.

He couldn't hear the distorted wailing that echoed through the walls or feel rough hands desperately shaking his unresponsive body as he stared at the corpse, no doubtedly ice cold by now, lay quiet and still at his feet. He hears the faint rumble of a storm gathering outside, the world responding to his grief as the rain begins to pour. Mercury silver raindrops puddling on the roads in murky, muddled blues. At last, his heart can not take the guilt, the agony, and he collapses. His only thought to be allowed to never wake, to be free from the guilt and blood of his God staining his hands like the coward he was, to grovel at the feet of his God like the sinner, once beloved, he is.

[roses-for-rosalyn]

okay, I just saw your post asking for ideas and I have one. What about like a fic with Ellie and the reader but Ellie is really over-sensitive/not very comfortable with physical touch because of everything that happened pre-returning to Jackson (David and Fireflies and all that stuff) and she gets so in her head about it.

Basically, touch-starved Ellie whos scared of touch being looked after by gentle and patient reader who helps her through it all. Bonus points for crying Ellie because that girl needs a good cri

Ask and you shall receive!! I actually love this because I too struggle with physical touch and this was very therapeutic. This is sort of just Ellie talking out her feelings with the reader listening, but i have no idea what I'm doing. This is about 19 year old Ellie with a reader at the same age.

word count: 1.6k (sorry I went a little crazy)

content warning: Mentions of assault (nothing explicit or graphic), comfort, a lil bit of cuddling, lil angst, love confession? sort of?, friends to lovers-ish, mildly traumatized reader

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You were a very patient person. Some would say too patient, especially when it came to Ellie. You had lived in Jackson for just a year longer than her and you were both the same age when she arrived. When she first came to Jackson you were relieved you were no longer “The New Girl”. You watched her from afar at first, observing Ellie doing almost exactly what you did when you first arrived: scarfing down food like it was going to run away from her. She consistently flinched at any sudden loud noises, which you could understand, you were the same in that way too, even now. The difference between you two is she came to Jackson with someone, someone clearly very close to her. You had no one when you arrived. Of course you eventually found your people. It's been 6 years, but it was hard. 

You were probably the most eager to meet Ellie out of everyone. One day you just sat next to her at lunch and bombarded her with questions. You scared the shit out of her of course, but you were a kid, and you were excited to meet someone who might relate to you a bit more than the kids who grew up in Jackson. She answered some of your questions with one word responses and others she didn’t respond at all. You didn’t let that deter you though, 14 year old you was going to figure her out no matter what. 

Five years later you two are pretty close, you don’t know everything about her, but she didn’t know everything about you either so it kept things interesting. Some things would just come up in conversation randomly and you held on to what you learned like it was your lifeline. Eventually you realized your feelings for Ellie might be a little more than friendly, but you never said anything. You never understood your feelings completely so why share them with her? You would just confuse Ellie and mess everything up. 

Now you two are sitting on Ellie’s couch watching a movie. You both just got back from patrol and trying to recover from a sort of awkward moment. You and Ellie were running away from a clicker and right as Ellie shot it down you stopped whilst Ellie kept running and you sort of…fell on top of eachother. Ellie landed right on top of you with her chest touching yours and your faces inches apart. Her eyes were wide and she just stared at you for a hot minute before quickly scrambling to her feet. She was really, really quiet after that. You’re not sure if that was exactly why she was acting weird, but nothing else out of the ordinary happened. You two weren’t strangers to a comfortable silence, but this was definitely not comfortable in any definition of the word. The movie credits pop up and you honestly could not recall what it was about, you were completely lost in thought. Brainstorming how to confront Ellie on what happened, you weren’t really mad, just confused. You’re constantly worried if you are crossing a line with Ellie, she can open up to you at times but if you go too far or inquire about the wrong thing she sort of snaps shut. Obviously if anyone was going to understand it would be you. Life outside of Jackson will fuck you up. Like a lot. 

You look at Ellie and she’s staring intently at the black screen as if the movie was still on. She’s avoiding looking at you at all costs.

“Ellie?” You say trying to get her attention.

“Yeah?” she responds but keeps her eyes set on the TV.

“This is gonna sound stupid, but are you, like, okay?”

 “What do you mean?” she finally turns and looks at you. You can’t read her expression which is not helpful.

“You’ve been weirdly quiet since we got back on patrol and I was just worried I did something wrong or something to upset you. I don’t know I’m realizing I sound kind of stupid now that I’m saying it out loud but I just… I worry about you ya know?” god this sounded so whiny now that you’ve actually blurted it out.

Your confession causes Ellie’s face to soften a little, her face melting into a sort of sad expression.

“Aww you worry about me? Didn’t know you cared that much.” She smiles a little, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. You wait for her to elaborate and she ends up staring into your eyes for a few seconds, deep in thought. 

“I’m not mad at you, there’s not much you could do that would make me mad to be honest.” She pauses, takes a breath. 

“I just… I get freaked out when people touch me, it’s really dumb. And then I sort of get mad at myself for being weird and I get all in my own head. Most of the time I can’t talk after something like that happens ‘cause I’m just stuck in an endless loop of memories that remind me why I don’t like people getting too close to me. I sort of shut down and I’m sorry about that. It was bitchy.”

You take a moment to formulate a response, it’s impossible to say the perfect thing, but you’d like to try. “It wasn’t bitchy at all, you just had me a little worried. I’m glad you explained it to me. I understand how people touching you can feel like, I don't know… gross.” you laugh dryly. “Just like it sticks on to you in a way where you feel like you need to scrub it off.” You have no idea what Ellie went through that made her feel like this, but you understood. You had gone through something that made you feel similar.  

“No one has ever explained it like that before, but yea. It’s fucked up.” you nod “fucked up” doesn’t cover half of it. “I just wish I could like it when people touch me, you know? I know they don’t want to hurt me, but how do I know for sure? I’ve had too many people do fucked up shit because I let them too close to me. I always think that maybe I could have tried harder to stop it.” There are tears forming in her eyes now. You have a feeling she hasn’t talked about this much. 

“Sometimes those people, they pop into my head at night and I can’t get rid of them. A little while ago I figured out that if I picture myself beating the ever loving shit out of them I start to calm down. Just enough to sleep, even if it doesn’t last long.” You study Ellie for a moment, she seems a little less tense. She has a tear streaming down her face and you just feel helpless. 

“God you have no idea how many times I wanted to touch you.” A sad smile tugs at her lips. “You’re the only person besides Joel I’ve ever gotten sort of close to. Obviously with you it’s different. There’s been so many times I wanted to touch your hand or just sort of be close to you, but I stopped myself.” You’re pretty sure your mouth opened a little from the shock of her confession. She’s felt the same as you? For how long? God how much time have you wasted? You pull yourself together as quickly as possible.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” you ask, genuinely curious. Maybe she felt the same as you. “You could have asked and I would have said yes.” Ellie is the one that looks shocked now. 

“I guess I never thought of that.” She laughs, a real laugh this time. “Would you be okay with that?” 

“Are you kidding? Yes I would be very, very ok with that.” You pause to think for a second. “You need to be honest with me though and understand that your feelings about not wanting to be touched are perfectly valid. When you need space you tell me and I won’t get mad, promise. If anything I would be mad if I made you uncomfortable.” Ellie looks like she feels a little awkward from your bluntness. 

“I adore you.” you say. You watch her face light up as she smiles and laughs a little, her green eyes are a little brighter. 

“You have no idea.” She says and she moves to sit closer to you. “I’m exhausted, but I want to try something if that’s ok with you.” 

“Ok” You have no idea what she has in mind, but you’d gouge your eye out to make her feel good at this point. 

She lays back resting her head on one of the throw pillows on the couch. You stand up giving her room to spread out, you have to admit you’re really confused. 

Ellie laughs, “No come here.” 

“Like lay there with you?” you ask sounding like a dumbass, but you wanted her to clarify.

“Yes. Come 'ere.” 

“Okay...” you have no idea how to approach this but, uh, ok. 

You kneel on to the couch and crawl your way awkwardly to Ellie. You put your head on her chest gently and intertwine your legs with hers. You had no idea that being this close to someone could feel good, comfortable even. You can feel the warmth of her body through her t-shirt and you can hear her heartbeat. You could fall asleep in seconds if you wanted to.

“Thank you for this. This is nice. Maybe we can even graduate to holding hands soon.” She says.

“Woah I think that’s getting a little ambitious don’t you?” You both giggle and you can hear it echo through her chest. 

You both fall asleep eventually. You don’t know it, but it’s the first good night’s sleep Ellie has gotten in years. 

[nyxthejinx]

◖General Infos◗

I only accept asks via inbox.

I write GN reader mostly (with generic anatomy). I could write for fem/afab too, but I'd rather stick to GN. If you notice wrong pronouns let me know right away!

Please specify if you want headcanons (max 3 charas), drabble (max 1 chara) or a mix of both (max 2 charas).

Sending a request doesn't mean I'll complete it! It depends on how much I like it and if I'm comfortable enough.

There's no standard time for fulfilling requests. It might take days or a couple hours, depending on my energy, inspo and availability.

If you want to ask something that isn't mentioned in this post, feel free to do so, I'll let you know whether it's fine or not and add it here.

◖Characters◗

I write for these characters and try to stick to their canon personalities as much as I can. Keep in mind that I've never written for some of them, so I might take extra time to study their characterisation.

Genshin Impact

Arlecchino, Ayaka, Beidou, Candace, Columbina, Dehya, Sandrone, Shinobou, Signora, Ei, Rosaria, Yae Miko, Yanfei, Yelan.

Alhaitham, Capitano, Childe, Diluc, Dottore, Kaeya, Pantalone, Scaramouche, Wriothesley, Xiao, Zhongli

Strictly Platonic:

Pierro, Pulcinella (I see them as parental figures sorry not sorry lmao), Nahida, Sigewinne.

Honkai: Star Rail

Bronya, Kafka, Serval, Seele, Stelle, Yukong.

Blade, Jing Yuan, Sampo. (Dan Heng, Geppie and Luocha are maybes).

Strictly Platonic:

Bailu, Clara, Hook, Silver Wolf, Yanqing, Welt. (Father of the year lol).

! Some characters are written before release, if they're OoC you know why !

Might update in the future according to new releases!

◖Do's and Won't Do's◗

Will do:

Fluff, romance, platonic relationship (child reader, sibling dynamics etc)

Angst, mildly dark content, physical and emotional pain, death, graphic descriptions of violence and torture (mild). Read my published pieces and you'll know how I prefer this stuff lol.

Overall sensitive topics like trauma. (Ask me and I'll tell you if it's fine or not).

Spicy stuff (making out, nudity, implied intimacy, the morning after).

Alternative universes (includes SAGAU and self aware characters).

Won't do:

Graphic smut/foreplay (I don't know how to do it RIP).

Representations I consider off of character.

Cheating.

Poly (nothing against it, I'm just too dumb to write it well enough).

Yandere.

One sided love (isn't there too much of it already?).

This list might be updated in the future.