#My malewife roller

[mamawasatesttube]

number 81 for the writing prompts: "It's cold, you should take my jacket."

(mostly cause I wanna see Tim wear Kon's leather jacket and Neither of them being normal about it but do what you want with it it's your fic <3)

“Here.”

Tim looks up as Kon waltzes back into the living room, two enticingly-steaming mugs in his hands. Hot spiced apple cider sounds absolutely divine right now—the blustery Kansas day outside is reaching its icy fingers into the farmhouse despite the fire blazing merrily in the hearth, and Tim has to admit, he maybe should’ve packed warmer for this trip.

Kon presses one of the mugs into his hands—the nicer one, Tim notes, without the chip in the rim—and Tim accepts it with a grateful hum. The warmth seeps into his palms immediately. “Thanks.”

“No problemo, Rob-lemo.” Kon plops down next to him on the couch, his TTK keeping his cider perfectly still in his mug as he makes himself comfortable. “It’s pretty chilly out today. Gonna be a good night to go skating—the pond down by the McAllister’s place is frozen over, and this time of year, they string up lights ‘n’ invite all the neighbors to come by in the evenings. Wanna go?”

Tim hums in consideration. “Could be fun, but just warning you, it’s been a hot minute since I did any skating, so I’m kinda rusty. And I didn’t bring any skates.” Mmm, the steam rising up from his cider smells amazing. “Did you make this?”

Kon’s eyebrows shoot towards the ceiling. Then he puffs out his cheeks in mock offense, folding his arms across his chest. “You don’t have to sound so surprised! I’m good in the kitchen.”

Yeah, Bart keeps calling him malewife material about it. Tim grins into his mug; it’s not his fault it’s so easy to ruffle Kon’s feathers, or that it’s so funny to do so. “I guess it is Ma’s recipe, so it’d be hard to make it bad.”

Kon politely waits for him to lower the mug from his mouth and then swats him on the back of the head. Tim does appreciate the pause, even as he ducks away, laughing. The cider tastes like apples and cinnamon and honey; warmth spreads through Tim’s chest.

“You’re rude,” Kon tells him. “Just for that, if you fall on your face when we go skating, I’m not helping you up. I’m just gonna laugh.”

“Oh, it’s a when we go skating now?” Tim quirks an eyebrow at him in turn. “I just said I didn’t bring any skates.”

“We can get you some, that’s no trouble,” Kon says, flapping a dismissive hand. Tim opens his mouth to ask where, exactly, in Smallville, can they get a pair of new ice skates in a matter of a couple of hours, but then closes it again when it hits him that even if there isn’t a big sporting goods shop in Smallville, geography isn’t really a concern to someone who can crisscross the entire globe in a matter of minutes.

“Yeah, okay, sure.” Tim lightly elbows him. “Don’t tell me you’re actually good at skating. I bet you just TTK your way through it.”

Kon elbows him back. “Yeah, right! I’m pretty decent, no powers required, actually. Been going plenty with Jon. He particularly loves this one roller dome in Metropolis that always has Super merch in the arcade claw games.”

Okay, Tim has to admit, he’s melting a little about that. Kon loves his little brother. The image of him taking Jon skating is really cute—he can just picture Jon wobbling along, holding Kon’s hand, and rambling about his day like he loves to do. He bites back a truly sappy smile; his toes curl instead, where they’re tucked under a cushion to stay warm.

“Lemme guess. The claw games are where you TTK it up.”

Kon snickers. “They’re rigged as hell, but the kid wants his misshapen Superman plushies, so obviously I gotta win ‘em for him.”

“Obviously,” Tim agrees. He curls his fingers around his mug a little tighter, soaking up its warmth; he’s got an actual winter coat for when they go out, but he really wishes he’d brought some thicker sweaters or hoodies for hanging around in the house itself. He’s used to the damp, creeping cold of Gotham; the blustery Kansas winters might be about the same temperature, but the wind out here blows right through him.

Kon shifts next to him, setting his cider down on a coaster on the coffee table. Tim glances up just in time to see him unzip and shrug out of his hoodie—it’s fleece-lined and light pink with a strawberry cow printed on the front breast pocket, very cute.

And then Kon leans over and wraps it around Tim’s shoulders. Tim’s face heats.

“It’s cold,” Kon explains. “Take my jacket. I don’t really need it that bad, anyway, so you may as well get some use out of it.”

It’s still warm from his body, and Tim lifts one hand from his mug to pull it more tightly around himself like a blanket. His nose brushes the collar when he turns his head a little. The jacket smells like Kon’s cologne.

…It’s the citrus-and-spice one Tim bought him last Christmas. He’s wearing the cologne Tim picked out for him last year, the one Tim definitely didn’t spend almost an hour agonizing over as he imagined tucking his face into Kon’s shoulder and inhaling this specific scent from his collarbone. He’s…

Tim’s face gets even hotter. Abruptly, he takes a gulp of hot cider, hiding in his mug. Kon’s jacket smells like him, and it’s warm, and it’s big and cozy and soft, and…

Kon is staring at him, Tim realizes belatedly. He didn’t notice because he was busy, uh, processing, but Kon’s looking at him like he’s…

Like he’s the last morsel of dessert on the table, and Kon has a ravenous craving for some sugar?

Tim swallows hard. Deliberately counts to eight on his next inhale and exhale. If he lets his heart rate pick up, Kon will definitely notice.

“Thanks,” he manages, finally. “That’s, uh. Yeah. That’s nice.”

“I’ll say,” Kon mutters. He drops his gaze, his cheeks a little pink, and then reaches over to ruffle Tim’s hair. “Bring warmer lounge clothes next time, dumbass. The farmhouse is kinda old. Gets drafty in here.”

“Yeah,” Tim says wryly. He shifts his weight, rearranging his legs so that instead of leaning on the armrest, he flops himself against Kon’s side, dropping his head to his shoulder for a moment. “I noticed.”

Kon leans his cheek against Tim’s hair. “At least you got me to keep you warm,” he sighs, slipping his arm around Tim’s shoulders. “What would you do without me, huh?”

Tim bites back the first response on the tip of his tongue (“Go into a huge depressive spiral?”) and goes for something a little less insane. “Freeze to death before you even get to laugh about me falling on my face at the McAllisters’ pond?”

Kon snorts. He’s comfortably warm against Tim’s side, and Tim snuggles a little closer, relishing his warmth. “Yeah, that sounds about right,” Kon agrees. “I hope I can get it on video.”

Tim just smiles to himself and raises his mug for another sip of cider. The honey and spices are heavenly on his tongue, but if he’s being entirely honest, he can think of something sweeter.

[digitsofpie]

494837th splashdown cancel

[oliveroctavius]

Harryflash or flashpeter for the ship meme

(Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it)

Rubs my hands together. These are both pretty fun.

Flash/Peter: Flash's longtime celebrity mancrush on Spidey is cute. It might not work well long-term (Flash has Spidey on a bit of a pedestal, and the very literal Pete tends to take Flash's affectionate joshing as hostility) but hey, those are things they could work out if they tried. They have a lot in common. They've seen each other grow up. Men of simple, selfless philosophies and strong emotions.

I also just want to say that their relationship is really funny from the perspective of Gwen & Harry, who only met them in college. By that time they're pretty evenly physically matched, but they still talk to each other like smug jock vs angry defensive nerd.

"Show some backbone, Puny Parker," Flash says to someone who can lift him with one hand. "Why are they like this?" wonders Harry to himself, probably.

Harry/Flash: I am REALLY ATTACHED to this one and am slowly realizing it seems to be Just Me who cares, but, listen. I have no idea why this is a rarepair. They're seen together all the time. They're friends before they met Pete and they keep being friends even when Peter drifts away. Flash is consistently there for Harry when Peter leaves him in the lurch, at least whenever he's not off in 'Nam. Also roller disco.

On a more serious level, this could have been genuinely narratively satisfying. They've had messy relationships with masculinity due to abusive fathers. They want to settle down, but have had little luck. Flash likes having a mission, something to protect. Harry is stressed out by those head-of-household expectations. Let him be a malewife for someone who will put in the time and attention for him, Marvel. LET THEM FIND PEACE, MARVEL.

And—here we get to my secret HarryFlash Dads agenda—I really want to get to see Flash be a dad to Normie. If anyone could help Normie find a healthy outlet for his little gremlin thirst for Violence and Importance, it would be Flash Thompson, military man and #1 Spidey fan. Normie would love him, and I think it could be healing for Flash to get a chance to be a good father to a kid who looks up to him.

Wow, this post got long. In conclusion: I love them, your honor.

[clownboybebop]

unironically the biggest girlboss malewife sigma male femchad character in media is Hal malcominthemiddle. He’s my best friend. He’s my roller disco instructor. Hes the Oracle at Delphi. Hes the patron saint of hot girl summer AND fem top fall. He’s my everything

[deep-sea-trashpile]

My Reactions to Above and Beyond

Wow kids are gonna grow up with this huh 🥲 (we're gonna ignore my childhood slipping away bc british animals make brain go brrr)

Paani reminds me of the "I am under the water, please help me" tiktok sound and i cant unhear it

The amount of times they say water jesus christ

Sending ur only doctor out into the desert may not be the best move yall

Okay Peso and Dashi girlbossing their way to the volcano

Where we droppin' boys

How- how does Peso's wrist band stay on?

127 hours reindeer edition

THEY DONT HAVE OXYGEN TANKS

Im sorry this might be an unpopular opinion but i dont like paani i just-

NO

NO THIS SONG IS NOT IT

STOP

Kwazii episode!!!

Calico jack my beloved 🥺

YAY! He's so happy to see his granddad!!

Peepaw to the rescue

NO! Not spiders :(((

Calico Jack is such a supportive peepaw i love him so much

Orange cat behavior

Did Kwazii try to give himself an ear piercing to be like Calico Jack but like- rip it out on accident? (I will just quietly add that to my headcanons)

So far this spinoff series has not been nice to my misophonia

M-m-milf spider???

Hes proud of him 🥺🥺🥺

NO

STOP DONT SEND KWAZII AWAY HES THE GLUE HOLDING THIS SPINOFF TOGETHER

STOP THE SONG AGAIN PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU

Natquik my king

All of these episodes feel like the specials from the main series

Peso my beloved

(I cried the other day because i was scared they werent gonna dub peso im so sorry but i hate the british version i grew up with hispanic peso and i cant handle anything else)

Its been 3 minutes and i miss Kwazii

The animation is SMOOTH smooth huh

THE ROLLER COASTER SEATBELTS

Peso rlly hanging out with the lesbians this series huh

I THOUGHT HE SAID F*CK

HES BACK

More orange cat behavior

Tweak, Peso, and Dashi = Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss and Shellington, Barnacles, and Kwazii = Mansplain, Manipulate, Malewife

In that order ^

Okay that angle doe i appriciate the cinematography kwazii

I hate tornadoes so much this is 👁👄👁

Yes save the himbo and peepaw

NO DONT LEAVE

What animal was I supposed to be learning about?

NO GOD THE SONG

THIS SONG IS A HATECRIME

INKLING IN THE BOWTIE SUIT

PEEPAW PT. 2

... i am under the water... please help me

Inkling i love you so much

Gatekeep and Girlboss to the rescue!!

Peso finally embracing his roots and going naked in the siberian wilderness

Grampie in his suit

Hes so cute i cant

GRAMPIE BACKPACK

... are we gonna be learning abt global warming again? (Im not gonna think abt our world slowly melting bc of giant corporations)

Is that deer supposed to be... Russian?

Paani must feel real good being the tallest one rn

YES SURFING EPISODE CALLBACK

THATS ONE OF MY FAVORITE EPISODES

Did Peso suddenly forget how to surf or...?

Me too salamander me too

STOP TALKING ABT UR STICK PAANI

I cannot express the sheer amount of love I have for these round little animals

Yall its okay Inkling is an aquatic animal

YES PESO I LOVE YOU

YOU STILL DONT HAVE AN OXYGEN TANK BUT ITS FINE I GUESS

Why- even put on the helmet then cant you hold ur breath for 20 minutes

Finally putting those great penguin race skills to use

Peso move ur gonna get hit by the stick

Paani rlly dont care abt them living or dying huh

NO THE SONG GOD

Okay its like 3 am i only watched the first 5 episodes but uhh... not impressed so far. Living for the Peso and Dashi solidarity. And the Peepaw moments. Surprising lack of Captain Barnacles that idk how to feel about. But overall it feels super disconnected like they dont feel like a family anymore I guess. Also the marine biology obsessed child within me is screaming rn, but its not super bad. I'm more excited for season 5 whenever that's coming.

[flamejob]

putting my rollers in tonight #girl #malewife

[transcomputer]

my birthday isn't for several months but if i don't get new roller skates on my birthday like i wanted im going to call my parents girlboss and malewife in front of the entire family and ruin everyone's day

[melonoverlord]

Ask meme for Nikolai

Which parent do they look the most like?

He’s a pretty spitting image of his dad, except because his dad’s power wasn’t super strength, he just looks like a more jacked version of him. It was his mom who could wrestle with polar bears.

Is there a name they were almost given (either by their parents or during character creation)?

His parents juggled back and forth between Nikolai and Alexei, but figured that since he came out as a brickshit sized baby, Nikolai sounded stronger.

This is a reference to that I named him Nikolai but constantly call him Alexei in my head.

What were they like as a kid (if they’re currently a child, what would they be like as a teen)?

Nikolai was pretty active as a child and was very outgoing with his school friends, but once he got his powers and had to stay more out of public view, that’s when he became self conscious about his size and strength so he stuck more to himself and his family until he moved to the Library.

What’s their drinking tolerance and what kind of drunk are they?

As a classic Chi du Soma, he has an impeccable drinking tolerance and can take about 5 drinks before he feels something. When he does get drunk, he is the first to start singing Russian drinking songs at the loudest decibel.

Where do they like to be touched?

People are always focused on the muscles but maybe Nikolai just wants to be gently caressed on the cheek like he’s a precious treasure that you’re holding in your hand. Sure he has to kneel down to get his face held, but he wants that.

What’s their favorite position (top/bottom/switch/pillow princess/etc.)

Nikolai really said malewife rights as a very attentive bottom, which let Doris get to live out her fantasy of being listened, but the one to two times he was able to have sex with the true love of his life, he was a very loving service top to his darling girlboss bottom wife.

What are their kinks?

He really likes giving up control and getting out of his head for a while, even if he’s still topping but made to use restraint, but he’s also into defiling different rooms around the Library so that everyone knows he did it there, something that his future great-granddaughter also appreciates. Except when Nikolai fucks around the Library, the very very few times it happened, you knew something went down when he has to submit a maintenance request.

How do they feel about adrenaline (roller coasters, extreme sports, etc.)?

He wasn’t a huge fan of it being younger because living with abnormal strength, he always had to be very very careful not to damage things, and so doesn’t really like raising his adrenaline. However, once he got older and married Doris, both he and her loved doing adrenaline-raising things together because it... reminded them of something they loved for some reason. Neither of them could figure out what that was.

What is their fight or flight response?

Call him One Punch Man because he will punch a whole through your sternum if you threaten him or his family. But he usually likes to start with silent intimidation.

What’s their pain tolerance?

He had the highest pain tolerance of any of the squad, and it took smarts to beat him because any hand to hand combat and an enemy’s hits were ineffectual at best, a soft pet at worst.

What character archetype are they the most like (the Innocent, the Hero, etc.)

The Warrior. He’s quiet and stoic, and is ready to bust kneecaps to protect his family. Even if he doesn’t remember why anymore.

What TV-Tropes trope would they be?

Bruiser with a Soft Center. No one would deny that he’s the strongest and biggest the Library has seen (even beating out the next future biggest bruiser, Abuelita) but at the same time no one would deny that he couldn’t hurt a fly. The only thing he’s hurting is baddies and the occasional chair with the clap of his thicc bootyass cheeks.

What John Mulaney quote/bit do they most embody?

‘And now there’s Nazis again! I don’t care for these new Nazis and you can quote me on that.’

He already fought pseudo Nazis only to find new “improved” Nazis. And being in Italy, he had to live under fascist rule later.

With the exception of love interests and immediate family, who are they closest to?

Given that he eventually married both Marscipone sisters, it would have to be Ruth. They were both fairly quiet and more backseat than their respective crushes, but also were the voice of reason in the group.

What is their moral alignment? What would have to happen for it to shift?

He’s the other side of Doris’ Lawful Good. He cares about justice and order and he has absolutely no problem listening to someone else to get them there. He’s a team player 100%.

Are they a morning person? What are they like before 8am?

He would never get up willingly before 8am. He is such a heavy sleeper that you would have to shake him and slap him awake. If he is awake prior to 8am it means that something’s wrong and he’s extremely grumpy and more willing to be a little of a petty bitch.

What are they like when they’re tired?

Nikolai cannot be moved when he’s tired. He will find a corner to thud and he will not listen to you, he will not hear you, he will close his eyes and he will take nap. Thank you and good night.

What are they like in arguments?

The only time Nikolai brings out the big guns is in arguments, because he only gets into arguments if he feels like his voice is needed. He is the big, quiet intimidator who doesn’t raise his voice until absolutely necessary but when he does he will terrify the shit out of you into getting his way because in his mind, it’s life or death at that point.

Little arguments he just tends to let go.

What is their dominant hand?

Right

Out of 10, how happy are they? How happy do they think they are?

Despite being quiet, he never was unhappy, except for the one time he lost a mission (turns out he’s good at losing princesses, whether it’s a real one or mafia one), but he never really dipped below a 7/10. After losing Luca, his home, and his memories, he never was able to climb past an 8/10 but by the end of his life, he liked to think he liked it. There was something missing, but he liked it.