aspandaborkut

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

I'm not actively suicidal, but I do expect to die by my own hand one day.

It's not something I actively think about much, but more an underlying assumption.

I've never imagined myself making it to old age.

And it's kinda hitting me right now how fucked up that is. That i view my own suicide as inevitable.

I know "sense of foreshortened future" is a symptom of PTSD, and I'm sure that's part of it, but I feel like this isn't exactly what that means.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but i needed to write it down.

(I'm safe. I don't have any intention of killing myself currently)

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

“i think it’s creepy to have gender/sexuality hcs n write fics of fictional characters too” is a weird take i just saw not gonna lie

[undeniablycandycane]

I swear to god, I just wanna find some Actual resources for how to live healthy WITHOUT the "fat-eliminating" bullshit. Like an ad will show up and it'll be like "ok here's a healthy recipe/workout/etc" and I'll be like "I'm listening" and then it'll be like "burns 20 pounds of fat in 2 weeks!" And I immediately click skip ad because listen, I know there's a certain threshold for when fat starts to become unhealthy but watching these stick figure people show a picture of them having a perfectly healthy layer of fat beforehand and then they get rid of that? That shit does not get me fam. Like I'm listening for *health* reasons and I'm not trying to sit here and look pretty for someone's bullshit standard of beauty because 9 times out of 10 all they're doing is trying to make money off of poor souls who either think it must be healthy to have a 30 inch waist or hate themselves for being overweight.

Like there are much much more direct and important health things you can do than just losing like 20 or 40 or however many pounds. I'm actually proud of my body and the amount of people that want me to fit into a stupid mold is disgusting. Not to mention the very specific targeted ads I get after mentioning the word "fat" or whatever in a voice chat DESPITE me turning off g***le's ad personalization multiple times and having it turned back on apparently without my permission. FUCK companies that pull that shit.

I'm just pissed man. I wanna be healthy and I'm trying to like, cut down on the important shit like sugar and cholesterol, shit that could hurt me down the line, and hoping to get some cardio in to keep my heart healthy? If I lose weight along the way then whatever man, it shouldn't bother me too much. I'm just sick of "health" bullshit that is pushed by pseudoscience and anti-v**xers and shit like that and...

Man I just wanna.. idk im tired and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way

Ofc that said people who do legit wanna lose weight and stuff thats fine as long as you do it in a healthy and safe way! Im not hating on that trust me I just want people who aren't interested in that to be able to exist in peace yknow

Do n0t reblog please; replies are fine <3

[riv-is-anger]

"ill visit you as much as possible!" literally dont lie to me like that?? tf?

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

Some parts interactions below the cut.

*d0 n0t reblog*

So Leif has shown up every day this week during nap time cuddles. They often shadow Bean but it seems that since being assured by our partner that they're welcome to get cuddles whenever they'd like they've been popping out more. This is a mixed bag because I want them to feel welcome but whenever they take the front they end up experiencing body memories that stick around after they've left. I'm glad they're feeling more comfortable being noticed and receiving affection, it's just tough.

But anyways, while Bean was getting nap time cuddles today, they noticed Leif nearby and that they were scared. So Bean started talking to them in the head about how it's probably not a good idea to get cuddles today because our partner is "big mad" but not with us and that they're scared too because angry is scary but it's ok because he would never hurt us and we're safe. Bean continued assuring Leif for the rest of cuddles while still maintaining the front.

Throughout all this i was just kinda chilling in the background and listening. I'm just really proud of Bean for how well they were able to help Leif. And for being able to recognize that it's scary that he's mad but we're safe and it's ok.

I'm not usually aware of these kind of interactions so this was really interesting to witness.