#NO ITS NOT THE VAMPIRE TWINK FROM BG3

[michaeldistortions]

nothing is more embarrassing than being attracted to a character in a video game you don’t play

[thegreatyin]

upon reflection several months later i have to admit. bg3 doesn't have the greatest story ever. but is it still really good and really enjoyable and really top tier? hell yeah brother

[causalityparadoxes]

"I'm sorry it had to come to a choice between you and Astarion"

I have never talked to the man in my LIFE he has never left CAMP i thought they patched Horny Gale???? 😭😭😭

I love Gale imma do some runs for him but BOI this is not the run!!!

[whumpitisthen]

here's a quick rundown on astarion: gay vampire spawn (not a vampire. like a demo version vampire. a "lesser" one but don't let him hear that) who has been kept for 200 years by his master as a slave. guy (who was an actual vampire) carved him up, tortured him and forced him to lure victims into his manor. astarion has been abused in so many ways i'd hit some sort of character limit if i listed half of them. he was only allowed to feet on rats and small vermin in the sewers. poor little meow meow astarion is now free due to [game story] reasons and seeks power and revenge -- he's an edgy fuck with a lot of swag and no moral compass. bro is a menace and loves causing problems on purpose. [slight spoiler] he will literally try to suck some of your blood like a day or two after you meet him and unless you succeed a skill check he'll just keep doing it until you die. if you resurrect yourself afterwards he'll go like "ooooh ooopsie sowwy! i wouldn't kill you if i knew you'll be back teehee can we forget about this? ;) <3 don't fucking kill me". he's such a good fucking whumpee you don't even know. it's insane. i don't want to ramble but he's almost everything i've ever wanted from a character like this in a large scale rpg. [slightly bigger spoiler] despite being the go-to "fuckable" character who everyone finds hot as hell (both in-universe and online) he's HORRIBLY traumatized by his sexual experiences from when he used to be a slave and when you romance him a good portion of his storyline revolves around trying to make him realize that he's more than just a slab of very attractive meat. he hides his feelings behind a facade of "evil tumblr sexyman-esque" mannierisms and getting to finally peel it back and see him for the poor wet cat that he is is so fucking satisfying. [an even bigger spoiler] i loved watching him cry when he finally gets to confront his former master. pristine content. there's so much more to his character (and this game in general) but if you ever need to justify spending full price on a new videogame release, there's nothing better than bg3. if i could choose one game to beam directly into the brain of each whumpblr user, it'd be this one.

Okay so i already loved him from the very little information i had about him, but this is so delicious

I saw some pics of bad scars which are always hhh and heard that he is a whumpee but i didn't know the extent and now i think ive collected a new blorbo

You are telling me he meets his old master at some point...... and he cries..... and hes all sad....... he rly was made for tumblr but especially me youre telling me he has white hair and is a vampire twink who was a slave and hurt and traumatised and he has incredible sad wet cat energy and he only has a flimsy layer of confidence and absolutely no idea what morals are. i knew i needed to know more you have to understand my knowledge of the game stopped at the bear sex scene like that is it and yet i somehow always find the most pathetic little men no matter what in any media i could not give a shit about any of the rest i will consume the entire thing just to know the exact extent of his sad little life

Also i wish i had the opportunity to even consider buying a full price new release no matter how good the game is there is no world in which id be able to pay for that. Also idk about the gameplay either it seems very story oriented roleplay and almost dating sim-ish? Not a huge fan of those in general its gotta have more gameplay than walking around and basically watching a movie, but, again. No idea about anything, maybe it has incredible gameplay and i just dont know. Dont tell me if it does itll just make ms sadder bc that would absolutely make me wanna play it myself. Its kinda funny honestly the longer i spend not knowing anything the crazier everyone seems to me both online and irl. Its like im living in a separate world, i know no one who hasn't played this fucking game fjfhskhfd

[burgertaco6]

okay guys, its that time again on "what the hell are they yappin about". a day or so ago i got BG3!!!!! heres how it be goin i wake up to the most handsome looking entity of evil i have ever seen and HUMMINA HUMMINA

after that i made my character, shes a blue dragonborn as i highly dislike playing as human characters and big lizard funny, shes an offensive support druid storm proceeded to brutally kill off every single enemy she saw in lizard fashion and gave one of the local mindflayers the dragon rizz stare before falling to her death

the tutorial goes on yadayada fight kill thing find friends, i get ahold of crypt peepaw who i love alot bc he reminds me of my dad in a weird way, slay on peepaw

my and the posse help slaughter the goblins outside of the tiefling hideout where eventually we discover the druids, storms like "omg sick!! more druids" but their leader is a bitch, storm makes sure to call her that in a more wise way as she heavily dislikes her and her opinions about wanting to imprison a child (and yknow kaghas racism)

after finishing calling kagha a bitch we head to the doctor, where we're heavily confirmed about the leaders whereabouts AND that we're a ticking time bomb to turn into some hot powerful mindflayers (which tbh i wouldnt mind if i did)

off to the road we go!! along the road i camp for the first time due to running out of short rests and we're basically a rock throw away from death, storms trying to sleep when she gets the best vampire hickie in her life (and the first one), but that vampussy was too good and she died (had to use a revive scroll)

pale twink boy said sorry which i happily forgave him as having a vampire on the team is fucking awesome and now he has the bonus action to bite, which can count as attacking twice if he's sneaking around

with that as of right now, im currently in the goblin ruins trying to get volo out of jail, yesterday i stopped there since my game crashed and i decided i'd been playing long enough lol to help end this post, heres some very pretty pictures i managed too take of storm, i based her to look like a rainy cloud as from her electricity <3 shes got plasma in her eyes

[theaviskullguy]

this game has my brain hostage. so here's how i think the s4 +rider and avi would play bg3. spoilers for bg3

Army:

-Explorer difficulty. He is FULLY into it.

-In normal dnd he is your minmaxer who somehow makes it work with the roleplay. In bg he is ALL in for his character and plays them as accurately as he can.

-Valor Bard, High Elf. The backstory he gave himself was he grew up on the streets of Waterdeep and learned magic and tricks of the tongue to cast it from bards he watched. He was gifted a lute by a traveling paladin who had no need for it.

-Romancing Gale. he's too nice to go for the twink vampire and too gay for anyone else (other than maybe wyll but he got set on gale's romance first)

Aloha:

-Balanced, multiplayer with Mask.

-He went with a tiefling ("the gayest race!!") rogue, arcane trickster, with the Charlatan background without knowing Astarion was essentially the same in a different font

-He's a (reforming!) conman from Baldur's Gate who once conned Cazador. He now only goes for the more wicked people for his cons which. still includes Cazador i guess

-Also romancing Gale because "he reminds me of army and that's Hot"

Mask:

-Balanced, multiplayer with Aloha but has her own save on tactician. Same character for both

-Dark urge wood elf (for the speed), draconic sorceress with blue dragon bloodline. She's not evil but she is An Asshole.

-She wrote her own backstory where even before loosing her memory she was resisting her urge to murder and so she moved into the woods and became known as "The Witch of the Wicked" due to her spells having deep prices

-Very neutral on savescumming. She makes fun of Army for it and Rider for not

-Though somehow romancing Karlach cause even she has standards and cant resist buff women

Rider:

-Explorer. He's a giant nerd and wants to take it easy to pick up on all the references without stress

-High elf War Cleric of Ilmater. Portrays him as a protector of those in need, as most Ilmater clerics are, but he's more aggressive in his protection. Hence, war domain. He's like a scary older brother that protects people

-Jokes to Goggles and Hachi (who watch over his shoulder) that "he's just a long suffering mom friend who needs a coffee, and a nap"

-Romancing Wyll because Goggles n Hachi both liked him

Skull:

-Explorer because he's new to dnd and related stuff. He played a bit of Pathfinder and that's it. He's enjoying himself though

-Wood Elf ranger as "i feel like i couldnt be anything else in dnd". Outlander background and beastmaster subclass. Has a giant wolf with him at all times he named Ulfric who is the soul of Avi reincarnated after his death. Avi came up with that one

-Karlach reminds him too much of Avi so of course he's going to give the tiefling woman a Smooch. As He Should

Avi:

-Tactician. He's not a stranger to gaming nor is he one to dnd.

-Minmaxes but makes it work.

-Tiefling Paladin of Vengence, somehow with wolflike traits. Folk hero background. He and Skull had the idea that their bg3 characters were married but their different playthroughs are where the other died respectively if that makes sense

-Hates Being Mean. Chaotic Good playthrough but hates being a dick

-Romancing Wyll because Wyll reminds him a lil of Skull and Paladin/Warlock is an underrated ship dynamic. its the same thing in Reverse