#Neil young powerpoint

[neilyoungshearse]

So I’m making a Neil young PowerPoint

[trans-pepsi]

A secret passion of mine is making Powerpoints about stuff I love. But there is so much about Scott Pilgrim that I adore. And now, I must ask the internet for opinions.

Please reblog to boost! I'd appreciate it.

[grantgoddard]

Some men see things as they are and ask "Why … change?" : 2003 : Neil Stock, Ofcom

 A colleague would arrive at my workplace some Mondays with evident cuts and bruises. A tragic case of domestic violence? No. He was a loyal fan of Millwall Football Club, a team characterised by its “historic association with football hooliganism” (Wikipedia). Did I overhear anyone comment that it might be considered inappropriate to work in a government quango when resembling the runner-up from five rounds with Mick McManus? No. Colleagues alleged that this young buck was untouchable because he held finance qualifications that his boss lacked, despite their requirement to legally sign off public accounts. That same boss was then promoted to personnel director, despite having demonstrated to me a similar skills deficit, and then to deputy chief executive of our organisation. Ho hum.

Relevant qualifications and experience appeared to be non-essential for appointment to the management class at The Radio Authority. If you possessed ‘the right stuff’, prior employment in a Norfolk chicken processing factory could prove appropriate for a job regulating Britain’s commercial radio industry. One woman in my small crowded office talked incessantly, inserting expletives into every other sentence. Did any colleague suggest this to be inappropriate behaviour, particularly when some of us were interrogating radio station managers by phone and recording our conversations? No. Once, an interviewee enquired if I was calling from home, having overheard swearing in our office. Er, no, I just work in a madhouse.

Arriving daily to cross the threshold of our office, I felt like one of those unsuspecting visitors knocking on the front door of ‘The Munsters’ home, only to be invited into a scary otherworld that was bafflingly grotesque. Why did I choose to stay there? Because it was the only job I had been offered after countless rejected applications during months of unemployment. And I knew that my private hell would end soon. In several months’ time, the government would be merging several small regulators, including ours, into one new huge one to which staff would be transferred en masse. Well, with the exception of our only two visible minority colleagues, one of whom was dumped in the new regulator’s basement call centre, the other who was told she would have to apply for advertised vacancies despite her lengthy loyal service to our organisation. Which decisionmaker in our midst did we suspect of having never torn up their dogeared ‘NF’ membership card?

In order to prepare us for employment in a modern state-of-the-art regulator, The Radio Authority’s workforce was sent to a government conference centre to watch our new leader, Stephen Carter, talk us through PowerPoint presentations promising us a bright new future. I left these events finally feeling ‘hope’, though some colleagues seemed to sense ‘tyranny’, preferring the security blanket of a dysfunctional abusive ‘family’ already tainted by a corruption scandal exposed on national television. Preferring paperwork to floppy discs, I suspect nobody in The Radio Authority had even needed to press the ‘PowerPoint’ function on their archaic desktop computers. Why should they bother?

Though I had never witnessed our department required to function as any kind of team, we were all sent on a ‘teambuilding’ awayday organised by one of those faceless global management consultancies. We were told to pull together to solve theoretical problems, to play childish games and express our feelings in ‘breakout’ groups. I was paired with a colleague from my office who admitted her early career objective was to work on ‘BBC Radio Four’s ‘Women’s Hour’ programme, though she had never sought training in radio production. My own ‘learning experience’ from that session was something I had observed before – our privately educated elite expect to succeed in their chosen shiny career without needing to put in any graft as practitioners.

I lacked acting abilities, having always volunteered to organise the sound for school plays, but at our awayday I was picked to roleplay a radio licence hopeful whose latest application had been refused, in dialogue with the officer who had turned me down. Having endured enough of that day’s preposterous exercises, I threw myself into this role, choosing to feign a nasal Northern accent and imitate a persistent applicant from Stoke who felt the Radio Authority was discriminating against him. My colleagues laughed loudly at my desperate attempts to win the argument against my posh counterpart. In fact, my performance was art imitating life. I had heard work colleagues often lampoon the speech of a licence applicant from Stoke, despite his experience in radio broadcasting. Naturally, my play-acting did not dent their snobbishness one iota.

I had not understood how convincing my role had been that day until, during The Radio Authority chairman’s monthly walkabouts round our office, he would greet me using the ‘Wayne’ name of the Stoke persona I had adopted … and neither was he being ironic or witty. I had been renamed. I corrected him each month, but he insisted on addressing me on the next occasion as ‘Wayne’. Though he transferred to the new regulator, the majority of our senior management either were not offered jobs there or decided to accept redundancy, I know not which. Given that some had never used a work computer, preferring to order underlings do the grunt work for them, it was difficult to imagine them integrating within a modern office environment.

Everyone in our department received an email requesting our thoughts on how the radio licence application process could be improved. It had been sent by our team deputy Neil Stock, who had surprisingly been promoted by somebody somewhere to lead the radio division within the new regulator a few months hence. I had lots of ‘thoughts’ on the subject so started banging them out on my desktop computer. I was 875 words into my spiel before suddenly halting, asking myself what the hell I was doing providing free insights from hard-bitten experience. Earlier in my working life, I had spent months writing a radio licence application. Stock had never. That application had won up against 39 competitors. I had started working in commercial radio two decades ago. Stock had never. I had launched a London commercial radio station that had attracted a million listeners per week within its first six months. Stock had never. Might he not be harvesting ideas from his ‘team’ to convince his new paymasters that he possessed some kind of grand plan?

This suspicion was confirmed when, not having initially responded to his request, Stock reminded me repeatedly that he still required my contribution. He knew I considered the present application system deficient in almost every aspect because I had told him as much in previous conversations. However, I had nothing to gain from assisting his meteoric rise through the regulatory ranks without commercial radio experience. As is evident from the raw stream of consciousness I wrote then and reproduce (uncorrected) here, my verdict on my employer’s licensing system was damning as a result of having watched it contribute to an increasingly disastrous commercial radio sector in Britain. But criticising The Radio Authority meant criticising my new boss, so I never replied.

Months later, we had moved to the modern office environment of Ofcom. At last, it felt as if I was living in the present century. However, I sat at my desk day after day doing nothing, sidelined by Stock. Eventually he invited me to join his sub-committee tasked with updating the paper licence application form, which seemed like continued attrition to divine my insights. We met a couple of times, during which I retained my counsel about the disastrous system, since it was evident that Stock contemplated only minor amendments rather than a full-blown overhaul. At the end of our final meeting, Stock concluded our discussions by announcing that the application form would remain exactly as it already was, with only the old logo on the front page to be replaced by ‘Ofcom’. I was still working in a madhouse!

One day, everyone in the radio section received an email from Stock requiring their presence at a team meeting, a novelty as no such meetings had occurred at The Radio Authority. We all filed into the glass-walled room in the middle of our floor, waiting to be addressed. I wrote a header in my notebook and expected to jot some bullet points, but what followed left me open-mouthed and unable to note a single word. The sole topic of discussion was these former Radio Authority employees’ refusal to update their working methods to support Ofcom’s modernisation plan. Everyone in the room who spoke supported this strategy. I said nothing as my jaw had already hit the ground. My colleagues were a rabble of anti-revolutionaries. They wanted nothing to change. They were working in Ofcom’s office, drawing salaries from Ofcom, using Ofcom’s resources to hold this meeting … but they wanted to pretend they were still working at The Radio Authority. It was bizarre!

I was reminded of the ‘Luddites’ I had studied for economic history: textile workers in Nottingham who, between 1811 and 1817, had opposed factory owners replacing their labour with machinery. The government had sent 12,000 troops to quell their destruction of new equipment and violence against mill owners, after passing ‘The Frame Breaking Act’ that had made “machine breaking” a capital crime. Two centuries later, I was in the midst of a middle-class penpusher uprising where their disobedience was probably limited to not clearing their desks of papers before sneaking out to catch an early train home. Instead of armed troops, the most violent official response might be a polite e-mail etiquette reminder.

I returned to my desk in a state of disbelief. I must have attended hundreds of meetings during my working life, but that was the first where the consensus was to refuse to adapt to twenty-first century working methods. It felt like ‘Back to The Flintstones’. They would have been happier NOT to have computer terminals on their desks and a fast internet connection. I seemed to be in a minority of one, surrounded in our open-plan office by a couple of dozen paid-up members of the ‘Popular Front for the Liberation of Radio Regulation Reactionaries’. I was half-expecting a singsong of ‘Power to The People’ during our afternoon tea break.

I was SO disappointed. I had endured a miserable eighteen months’ employment at The Radio Authority, during which I had been shouted at repeatedly, told not to talk about ‘radio’, denied my yearend bonus and had failed my annual review on every criterion. Despite my successful track record in radio, I had been treated like a troublesome child. The only thing that had kept me arriving daily for work in Holborn was the hope that the situation at the merged regulator would prove different. Yet, within weeks of Ofcom’s launch, I was witnessing the same crazy behaviours that my colleagues had carried across the Thames with them to recreate their own private Transylvania. Like Harker, I needed to escape the clutches of these vampires if I were to retain my sanity. Could I tie together enough bedsheets?

[ace-beef]

I made another one of these dumb things, because I feel like this show has kinda fallen off the radar and not enough people know about it’s hilarity. 

I love this show so much, it never fails to make me laugh :3

[adriftpsyche]

ABEO Invicta - Class Prophecy

Dropping it here so old posts don’t get read lol.

A revelation from the Higher Being, which was bestowed shows the ABEO Invicta on what must soon take place. This was made known by sending me a vision, I testify to everything I saw – the people who hear this may or may not take to heart of what is written, because the time is near.

I turned around to see the scenery that was before me. And when I turned, I saw five doors, and each door leads to different futures, the five doors are paths that each person from the ABEO Invicta chose to tread, whatever lies ahead, will have been or will not be the choices they made.

As I slowly turned the knob of the first door, I saw that there was a wide field, it was filled with countless of chances and coupons of hope, the sky was clear and blue and the ground smelled like rain kissing the grass and one can see a vivid display of a rainbow; and in there, I saw Maxine​, who will realize that she has always been more than enough, and she will be able to give the life she strived for her family. In a ​kombong​, and with her long-time lover, she adds more graffiti ​on the walls of Marawi, spreading love and not war! One day, she will also try her luck in Masterchef Australia, but unfortunately, be eliminated over a horrible plating. Speaking of food, ​Neil ​inherits Holy Halo, levels up his charisma and interpersonal skills, which prompts his confidence to skyrocket even more with nowhere to contain it. And then it shifted to a more, familiar face, ​Kirstie​, her exposure with Indians brought her to ​a whole new world​, paving the way to travels and explorations of Asian culture which she writes on her columns in a magazine but Kirstie isn’t the only one capable of swooning men of different colors, but also ​Rodrick​! A number of them love his ​diction and his love for art and aesthetics. And in that magazine, the Gazette, ​Sittie – now Dr. Sittie Aslimah Malaco, gets featured for being a writer on her cultural heritage and is now among the highly recommended candidates for a leadership position in the MSU system and in occasion, meet-ups with ​Bea​, a spazzer and a content writer in All-KPop, a renowned site for KPop News who rediscovers herself and tries to puzzle herself back piece by piece in a steady but secure pace. Speaking of spazzing ang rediscovering the self, ​MaTet stands next to her. Like Bea, she’s still getting butterflies from her KPop idols and when she’s not, she uses her incredible ​patience for her teaching job at a Special Ed school. And ​Doreen​, oh our lovely goddess​, Doreen, continues ​to not claim a man, but own them, and has been getting ​breaststroke lessons from them ever since. She also revolutionizes pageantry by finding a way on how to stop these events in objectifying women. She paves the way for ​Azrael’​s two beautiful babies, by being their surrogate mother. Azra is happily married with a super hot Spanish man and lives in a beautiful bungalow located along the coast of Santorini in Greece. A beautiful surprise just like ​Sam’​ s, wherein after graduation, a small time talent scout found her, recruited and trained her which then boomed after 10 years, with her as the face of their agency. She is also a part-time secretary at a company. Of self-discoveries and dreams, Ralph​, becomes the John Green of the batch, writes melancholic but woke entries with a cigarette on hand and a glass of vodka beside beautifully disorganized drafts, in a quiet city night inside his apartment playing his indie music vibe.

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the second door, a lot of them chose to mold the minds of the next generation, the field was occupied with children looking up at several adults. ​Ave was one of them, an English professor at Misamis University after taking up her Masters degree, co-working with ​Eurey​, who followed her mother’s footsteps, and finally had her ​first long-term boyfriend​. But for ���Grace,​ a long-term boyfriend should be promoted to being a husband, and temporary kilays should be made permanent! ​Tiis ganda, no more! For surprises, everyone thought that ​Renz would become a PBA basketball player or a regular in Barangay Ligas​, but he becomes an elementary teacher while simultaneously teaching them to become the next ring legend. However, some things never change, he still continues to carry his big, bloated, and heavy bag that he has been carrying since college. Another surprise is Jocel​’s, she becomes a kindergarten teacher, out of curiosity on how the ​sociocognitive and language acquisition process happens in the human mind. Children are the perfect example for this process, and witnessing this over and over, never fails to fascinate her just like how Ate Koy ​continues to mold young minds in and out of the four corners of her classroom and has married with Sir Andrew, with her own beautiful kids who inherited her ​husband’s crazy beautiful curly hair. ​Ate Christine ​joins this group as well, she’s still the same quiet yet strict lady who is now a young school Principal that shows the children grace and simplicity. Another Ate in the field is Elaine, after a strong recommendation from the department, becomes a lecturer and then to being an English professor, by finishing her masters degree in MSU-IIT and will pursue her doctorate, where she will meet her first and last love of her life. Also in the same field is Danielle​, who still swears like a traffic horn, will be bagging awards in each of h r performances, and will be a dance and acting teacher in her own studio. She still performs along with her fiance, the critically-acclaimed Sir Michael Lagura, but dedicates most of her time to nurturing potential theater actors and actresses. These eight people, carry with them the power to unfold the minds of the youth and breed their confidence.

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the third door, those who were not afraid to strongly raise their voice for the unheard, and did not take neutrality for an answer. Their field was packed with an endless queue of people, patiently waiting for their turn to pour out and throw their weight to the persons at the end of the line which I can barely see. And so I walked over to see who were there and I saw ​Maegan​, still a very kind snowflake who also runs her own ​petshop​, becomes an animal advocate. Beside her was ​Lovely​, now a ​Pastora in a megachurch, and is giving everyone on the same field, a life-changing and anointed testimony that makes cold hearts beat again and dead dreams come alive again. ​AG and ​Ate Nikki​, are along the same lines with her – both of them become even more active leaders; AG, now a journalist in the Hope Channel while simultaneously trying to finish her masters degree and Ate Nikki, now the president of CARP, travels around the country to spread their advocacies. And advocacies are only ideas not unless there is a good promoter for that, like ​Fritz​, she continues to live up to her Moana persona as she ventures into many remote parts of Mindanao for a non-profit organization that holds educational and charitable works for environmental advocacies. Eventually, she settles down in Camiguin, where a lot of beautiful sunsets and ocean waters can be regularly seen. Contrary to beaches, I see ​Ate Patch, married to June, away from the city life in their quaint house with lovely cats roaming about. By way of art and writing books, as her living and advocates for destigmatizing mental illness through her works. The last in the circle is ​Lureva​, she finds her strength and confidence once again, where she becomes the president for Gabriella, an organization for women empowerment, she uses this platform to promote feminism, and abolish patriarchal dominance.

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the fourth door, are those who chose to represent, persuade, enlighten or discourage the public interest. In the field, I immediately saw Kuya JP​, a journalist and a researcher under the famous TV program, ​Kapuso Mo Jessica

Soho​, which helped him to be more ​longsuffering and modest ​towards other people. I also saw Ate Enya​, who becomes a filmmaker with a popular blog and holds online classes for aspiring filmmakers. Her first Masterclass was actually aired online a week ago. And of course, wher Ate Enya is, there is always the other half, ​Kuya Jzac​, a spazzer, who has gone in and out of South Korea and several countries to shoot, and study pop culture for a column in Sparkling! In that same pop culture, includes ​Kuya Roy​, a rockstar who has recently finished their second national tour and now owns a recording studio. Traveling countries have never been better, especially if they are for free! Flight attendant, Ivan​, now a revolutionary artist leaves each country he flies into with mind-numbing artworks, he also still accepts commissions on making lovely Powerpoint Presentations but he can now also make Keynote and Prezi presentation. And on presentations, nobody imagined that ​Shaira would be the brainmother of this era’s famous cosmetic taglines, she works for Teen Vogue and gets invited to speak on seminar-workshops to train young students who are into Journalism. She occasionally asks a lot of questions in our old groupchat. Another kind of presentation is ​Catherine’s​, where after graduation, she landed a few minor local modeling gigs, mostly for commercial products. She was then scouted by Mercator Artist and Model Management, a talent and model agency that housed some of the biggest models in the country including Miss Universe 2018 Catriona Gray, and has since then graced the Philippine television with her doll face. She also cover songs which can be found in her Youtube channel, some of which features Zarinah. Where they get all of these gadgets, instruments, equipments and all the technicalities? Of course, none other than from ​Peer​, who now goes around the country because he works as media advisor for a company who almost has everything, they loan and refer to him. ​Keanne​, also works on the same company who has now become a full-time IT specialist, still wearing that chinky-eyed smile. 

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the last and fifth door, in that field, are those who chose to protect and to promote the common welfare and those who have the passion to change in order for others to do great things. In the field, I only see a car, inside are a band of people you never thought we be in the same ride, behind the wheel is Zarinah​, the career woman. A lawyer with a voice worthy of being a pop music royalty, she’s the first ever lawyer in history who sings her opening speeches. Impressive, right? Sitting beside her is Claire, known for her unconventional ways, a rad lawyer who fights for LGBTQIA+ rights, perhaps she is one of the most influential lawyers in the media. At the back, ​Sheila​, former SK chairman, is now an active councillor of their city all the while actively playing volleyball leagues and sports events around Mindanao often crossing paths with multi-sport athlete veteran Lakandula who organizes more and more sports events throughout the country. Sometimes, h tries to wear ​pants on these events instead of his comfy shorts and casual slippers. ​Jolly, wins life one case at a time, putting criminals behind bars, in particular, those who continue to perpetuate misogynistic crimes. And proves to the world, or to the Universe rather​, that women empowerment can also be channelled in pageantry; there’s also ​Mia​, an ​angry lawyer. When she’s not walking around the court convincing people why justice should be served to the rightful, she’s in her fine house, writing fan fictions with LGBTQIA+ themes whilst tending to the needs of her eleven puppies and her wife, M. There to calm her is ​Jacky​, who works at the Municipal Office of Bacolod LDN, finally attaining a permanent position. She still continues to change her hair color​, but this time going for revolutionary colors such as neon orange, highlighter green, and mustard yellow, until such time that her hair has had enough of it and it starts to fall off her head. Not able to deal with the severity of her hair loss, she made the difficult decision to shave it all off and she decides to rock a bald head, serving mannequin realness. The most special of all the batch’s women of power was ​Jam,​ because of her love for film, she finally fulfills her dream to visit Hollywood. And as the ​first female chancellor of the MSU System​, she advocates for animal welfare, especially for cats. She also advocates for destabilizing stigmas on mental health. This advocacy is implemented to the institute that caused for the decrease of suicide attempts. I realize that visions are given to remind us that we can choose which dreams to pursue or to reignite a dying fire. It guides us to the right path and to the right destination. It also encourages our hearts and gives us strength in every good thing we do or say. Now, is the time to take that step and make no delay. 

 All those, only to be jolted back from reality – in front of me, is the scenery outside of my bus’ window blindingly disappearing from my eyesight the moment I try to focus on it. And then, the road becomes familiar, other than the several infrastructures and population added. It was just like the first time I travelled here for my freshman year. And after everything, I never also would have thought that I would come back to Iligan and attend my first ABEO Alumni Homecoming party.

[flandango56]

Neil Young - Old Man

[treebananas]

Actually, its Minyard-Josten

Summary: Andrew is a history teacher after an accident that left him unable to play exy

Tw; canonical violence, trash-talking 

The trash talking came from this article 

“Ms. Kaitlyn, please put your phone away and at least pretend to actually give a f-crap about the U.S. treasury.” Snarled Andrew.

Most days, teaching was enjoyable. There were some students that rubbed him in a funny way, but there were students that made him ‘happy’ to shape the young minds of students.

He really didn't give a fuck about what he was teaching. Alexander Hamilton wasn't as significant as the musical made him out to be. He was more concerned about how he changed the American nation to be as fucked up as it was. His lesson plan was a hundred times more exciting than this PowerPoint introducing the founder fathers, but his lesson plan relied on the boring slides. He was trying to get through a slide when two flirtatious giggles broke his description of John Laurens and Hamilton's special letter to each other.

“Sorry Mr. Minyard.” Apologized Kaitlyn, stuffing her phone into her desk. Beside her, Ruby cackled, then blushed and slapped her hand on her mouth.

Andrew rolled his eyes and asked, “What could possibly be so funny that you had to disturb this lesson?”

Both girls blushed crimson and sputtered, “N-Neil J-Josten.”

Neil Josten. Of-fucking-course. Even after all this time, he was still disrupting his everyday life. Andrew did admit he looked good with ‘old’ age. His shoulders became broader, thighs and calves became thicker, and his face became sharper. Everyday, he thanked his lucky stars to wake up and fall asleep right next to him. He couldn't blame them for liking that.

Kaitlyn pulled her phone back out, pulled up the post, and showed it to Andrew. It was a gif on tumblr of Neil trash talking the other team in English, German, and Russian. In the first gif, it was him saying, “Don't touch me, I'll beat your brains out." The next gif is in German, “Ich bin so schnell du könntest mich nicht mit einem teleskop sehen.” And the third gif says,” Я не высокомерный, я хороший,” in Russian.

Andrew raises an eyebrow and said, “Do you even know what he's saying.”

The girls shook their heads.

““Ich bin so schnell du könntest mich nicht mit einem teleskop sehen means I'm so fast you can not see me with a telescope and Я не высокомерный, я хороший means I'm not arrogant, I'm good.” Andrew recites.

In the front row, José burst out laughing. Of course when Josten is mentioned, it's in his seventh period class. The period he shared with their daughter José Minyard-Josten or José Minyard in school. Their daughter came into his life four years after he finished college. She was in fourth grade when Neil found her using the janitor's closet to his apartment as a temporary home when hiding out from her abusive stepfather. She has lived through Andrews accident, and Neil and Andrews ‘wedding.’ Only four years ago did they make José their official daughter after fostering her for three years. He started teaching for José and because of his mind, he could remember every fact his law school made him memorize.

“José.” Snapped Andrew, “shut the you-know-what up.”

“I'm-sorry-Andrew,” José laughed, wiping her eyes.

Andrew sighed and put his meter stick pointer down. He went over to his computer and pulled up the photo shoot Neil most recently did.

“Alright, numbskulls.” Andrew said. “Today's lesson is going to be on Neil Josten.”

Ooooooos let out around the room, louder for a desk in the front row.

“Also, your homework is to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack. Quiz tomorrow.”

“Fine, so back in the day, Neil Josten was a runner. He took refuge in a high school in Millport where he was scouted for a team called the Palmetto Foxes. Back then, he had brown hair and brown contacts disguising his real appearance. On that same team was Kevin Day, Dan Boyd formerly Wild, Matt Boyd, Allison Reynolds, and Renee Walker. (Andrew pulled up the first article when Neil joined the team. Some journalism major from school talked about the newest team member and his connection with the team. The picture which Andrew focused on was his old appearance.) He got into huge public fights with the late Riko Moriyama on national television (Again he pulled up an article with the headline NEWEST EXY STAR BAD MOUTHS EXY LEGEND. IS THIS A NEW PUBLICITY SCAM?) and could not stop running. Neil got himself into trouble. He let himself be tortured to protect a close teammate who was going through withdrawal therapy and who was previously raped. They dyed his hair back to its natural color, ripped his contacts, and made him bleed every night. Things were so bad that he doesn't recall most of it. Memories come back in flashes at night. They tattooed his face like Jean Moreau so he would have a permanent reminder of his time. Unlucky the tattoo did not stay. The person he was running from caught up to him. They burned of the tattoo and caused most of the scars he has now. (Andrew went to his desktop where he had saved an article. The headlines read, “NEIL JOSTENS SPORTS NEW SCARS AT THE BEACH WITH HIS LOVER AND OLD TEAMMATES.”) But even then, Neil persisted and his foxes won the NCAA championship against the bloodthirsty Ravens.”

A moment of silence rang out before a voice spoke, “Mr. Minyard, why are you telling us this?”

He cleared his threat and continued, “Because while Neil tends to trash talk other players about him being good not arrogant, he actually made himself into a legend by overcoming obstacles that most people would've given up on. His perseverance gives a lot of strength to people, and most people don't know of his past. They see him as a good player and nothing more. Neil Josten isn't someone who is just a good player, he's a human person with a difficult past.”

“How does your wife feel about you knowing so much and talking so highly of Josten?” A student asked teasingly.

“His wife loves how he feels about Josten.” A familiar voice avowed.

Andrew turned, as did his class, to see Neil Josten standing in the doorway looking extremely smug.

Andrew turned a minuscule amount pink and growled, “José Pipe Minyard.”

She put up her hands in surrender as Neil laughed and walked over to Andrew, “Don't blame her it was your amazing lesson.”

Neil showed Andrew his phone where José’s text Andrew's teaching us about you, might wanna come up here.

“I'm taking your phone away,” Andrew hissed, then to Neil, “stop looking at me like that, junkie.”

“Good luck with that.” Smiled José, getting up from her seat to hug Neil. “Hi, Dad.”

Neil laughed and returned the hug, “Hi pumpkin, how was your day?”

“Good. Even better now.” She pointed at the gaping class.

“Close your mouths, you're going to catch flies.” Andre barked.  

Ruby and Kaitlyn both screamed, “Holy Shit, Mr. Minyard!”

“Language and it's actually Minyard-Josten.”

[testbankforyou-blog]

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[netmetic]

Three Things that Might Surprise You About Voice and Retail

There’s been lots of back-and-forth recently on the topic of Conversational Commerce. Earlier this month Priya Anand of The Information called hype on voice-based shopping. He compared enthusiastic analyst forecasts with the current reality (as measured by the two percent of Alexa* users making purchases), and concluded—understandably—that the latter did not suggest a clear path to the former.

There was a bit of debate on the topic in Forbes, hosted by RetailWire. Neil Saunders, managing director of GlobalData, argued the con, writing, “This underlines how the impact of some technologies in retail are over-hyped to the point of silliness.” Others, including tech consultant Ken Lonyai, argued the pro, noting that, in the 90s, similar arguments were made against the web and e-commerce.

Hold on.

We’re in early days. This is a market transition in the making. In the storm-form-norm sequence of development, we’re surrounded by thunderheads and rushing winds.

As with any market transition, some of those winds will—of course—be no more than hot air. But despite it all, we dare not misunderstand three important points about voice in retail.

The first (and allow me to repeat myself):  When it comes to conversational commerce, we’re in early days. And to forecast the future, we’d be wise to look at other patterns of digital commerce adoption.

As Richard Kestenbaum of Triangle Capital wrote several weeks ago in Forbes, Conversational Commerce is where online shopping was 15 years ago.

Do today’s smart speaker users enjoy con-com shopping? Not really. Not yet. But the important thing is that they’re using voice interfaces overall—and a meaningful minority is beginning to test shopping.

Perhaps those shoppers are hesitant about sharing payment information (a major issue with e-commerce, as you remember). Maybe they want a screen to see the product.

The concerns should not surprise us.

A recent skeptical article noted that the ranks of voice-based shoppers were dominated by young males. I’m old enough to remember early 2000s’ PowerPoint* presentations that openly wondered if women would ever overcome their fear of digital devices and embrace this new thing of e-commerce.

Hmm. Wonder how that turned out.

Second:  As the data shows (and as Kestenbaum so wisely reminds us), this is not just about smart speakers.

Let’s not equate smart speakers with the larger market transition.

Yes, the Consumer Technology Association (CTA) expects 2018 U.S. smart speaker sales to reach 39.2 million units, a 44% increase over the prior year. And, as recently reported in Voicebot.AI, Canalys earlier this year estimated that the 2018 global smart speaker installed base will reach 100 million persons.

But that’s relatively small change compared to the reach of voice assistant platforms.

As of end-of-year 2017—and according to a Google blog post—the Google Assistant* voice platform was available on more than 400 million devices worldwide. The number now, eight months later? Probably north of 500 million. Apple and Microsoft claim similar numbers.

In China, according to voicebot.AI’s Brett Kinsella, the device availability of Baidu’s DuerOS* assistant has now reached 100 million. There’s support from some 16,000 skills developers, roughly 200 partners, and access through 110 smart devices.

Yes, Baidu has several smart speakers and smart displays—with a new device, named Xiaodu*, hitting the market this past June. But the DuerOS voice assistant will also be in smart displays, in-room devices for InterContinental Hotels*, set-top boxes, children’s story-telling machines, and home appliances…not to mention smartphones.

Third (and most important):  When it comes to market impact and importance, let’s not equate the value of conversational commerce only with purchases and revenue.

If we do so, it is at our peril.

If we do so, we’d be like the multiple brick-and-mortar retailers who for years dismissed online commerce for revenue reasons (“it’s really worth no more than one store”) and missed the enormous impact of online product and price research.

Today, according to Forrester (and other analyst firms), more than half of all in-store revenue is influenced by online content. Even for the store: if you’re not on the web, you’re dead.

Wise heads such as Mark Taylor, Capgemini’s Chief Experience Officer, have pointed out for the past many months that voice has the potential—in time, and as the technology evolves—to deeply re-shape the shopper-brand relationship.

That’s where the commerce magic will be made.

That re-shaping is now being delivered through bots, answering oft-asked (and high-value) questions of product availability and delivery dates.

It will—soon, and as the technology evolves—re-shape the relationship by providing simple in-store advice. Summations of ratings and reviews (“it’s rated four of five stars by 83% of respondents”). Offering the purchase assurance that drives conversion.

It will—in time, and as the technology evolves—move from the current state of robotic answers to a narrow set of questions toward simple dialogue and then, conversation. Dr. Brian Subirana of MIT’s Auto-ID Laboratory forecasts that voice assistant platforms will deliver active prediction (suggestions, reminders, recommendations) by 2020, and contextually aware expression (with personality) by 2025.

Even at the level of Q&A, there’ll be an impact on commerce. Much as online research drives in-store revenue, so will voice—from the smartphone to the smart speaker, from the children’s toy to the smart appliance.

And retail brands—as Taylor makes clear—will need to determine how they want to sound. Marketers have long examined a brand’s “voice” in the marketplace.

In today’s world, that comes with a literal as well as a figurative understanding.

Voice and Retail. Listen to all its possibilities.

Ears buzzing yet?

Tell me what you think.

#IamIntel

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