#OF ALL PEOPLE!!!!!! SHE WAS LAST ONE ON MY LIST!!!!!!! FUCKING NATALIE!!!!!!!!!!!

[lesbianlotties]

WHEN I TELL YOU THAT NO OTHER EPISODE HAS EVER STRESSED ME OUT THIS MUCH

[astermath]

nemesis; part two.

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: with carmen reworking the restaurant, you’d think his mind would be far too occupied to even think about anything else. yet he can’t shake the guilt from what he’d put you through a month prior. after some talks in therapy, he decides to take a leap of faith and see if he can talk it out with you. he not only wants to convince you that he can be better, but he's got an offer for you too. one you truly can't refuse.

♡ landing page ♡

word count: 4.9K

tags: carmen being unsure about his feelings but trying to be better episode 3265742, letting reader in a little more, APOLOGIES!!!, cursing ig, carm goes to therapy yippee, syd being the absolute realest, regular font below!

notes: sorry this took literally forever omg, I lost my carmen muse for a bit but we are SO back baby. I missed him so much and so sorry if some things don't follow the canon completely (I've been watching season 2 on and off bc I've been so busy lol BUT my fics never follow the canon completely anyways),, hope u guys enjoy and let me know if you'd like a part three ;))

lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content! comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Carmen’s life hadn’t known a moment of mental rest in ages. If you asked him when he last sat down with his thoughts or acknowledged his mental anguish, he probably would have said he couldn’t remember the last time. If ever.

With plans to completely revamp The Beef and everything that came with it, now his feelings should be the last thing on his mind. Renovation plans, unforeseen costs and a completely new menu, sure, he could worry his ass off about those, but feelings? Absolutely not. Good thing he was usually so good at suppressing those anyways.

So why was it that he couldn’t shake the thought of what he did to you?

Why, every time he had a moment to himself, would he be overtaken by this intense feeling of guilt? He didn’t even have to be alone, just a second of quiet and the image of you crying in distress would intrude on his thoughts.

It was getting to a point where he’d told his sister, Natalie, about it. Well, not all of it, he wasn’t even sure if he knew all of it. Just that he knows he hurt you, and that coming to terms with what he projected onto you might be a good first step in understanding himself better.

Or maybe it was something more along the lines of “I gotta talk my shit to some people”. Probably that.

To his surprise, it was actually helping. Besides the group therapy sessions where he’d talk about Mikey, the business and his future, he was talking to other people in his life too. Even told Sydney about you, kind of on accident. The words just seemed to… Flow out. It was probably the exhaustion doing its thing.

“I guess I just felt like,” he kept his eyes on the floor he was sweeping, “she was doing it all to fuck with me. I don’t even know where I got the sick idea that she had some obsession over me, but it— it drove me at the same time. It’s like her being on my heels at every aspect of culinary school just made me want to try even harder.”

“Maybe you painted her in that light because you knew it was a good way to keep pushing yourself.” Sydney spoke almost absentmindedly, sweeping the other side of the room. She listened to everything he said in the meantime, and though what he was telling her was a bit worrying, she was glad they got to have talks like this. Carmen often doesn’t like to bring up his past like that.

“Huh,�� he paused sweeping for a moment, “yeah… yeah, maybe. Or maybe it was something else.”

Sydney wasn’t even sure he knew what he was referring to. It sounded like something entirely different, like a crush, but what kind of person treats their crushes like that?

Probably an overworked, pressured, overachieving culinary student with a dangerous need for validation. But she wasn’t about to tell him that.

“So yeah, I visited her restaurant, and… It just felt the exact same as back in New York, you know? Like she was rubbing it in my face again, and— and I know that sounds insane, or conceited, but I just can’t let it go. It’s like the thought of her is stuck to my brain like a stubborn piece of gum.” He wanted to smack himself for that stupid analogy, but what was said was said.

“So how’d you handle it?” Sydney’s head perked up, some of her braids now draping over her shoulders.

“Handle what?” Carmen became more and more uneasy the more he talked about you. Like his chest was tight, it was uncomfortable, but not in the way he was when the health inspection came by, it was different. Weirder. Unfamiliar. He didn’t like it, because he didn’t understand it.

“The talk with her.” She emptied the last bit of dust into the trash bag.

“Oh,” his mind took him back to the parking lot a month ago. The way he could almost taste the tears of your skin from how close he stood, he could hear the shakiness of your breath and the profound desperation in your voice when you apologized to him, when you really had no reason to.

If it was still so clear in his mind, then what must it be like for you?

“Carmen?” Sydney snapped him out of his oncoming train of thought.

“Yeah? Sorry, I— Uh, I don’t know it was…” He runs a hand through his hair, suddenly finding it in his best interest to look anywhere else but her face. “Bad. It was— It was bad.” He looks a bit shameful when he meets her eyes. “I fucked up. I like, went all New York boss on her. And then I just… Left.”

His colleague just stares at him for a moment. She knew what he was like when he snapped like that, but that was with his staff, people he liked. So how badly did he snap on you, a person he’d been resenting for years?

“I’m gonna go take out this trash, and uh… Head home.” She lifts the grey plastic bag she was holding. “But uh, Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“You got issues, man.” She has a bit of an awkward smile on her face, but he knows she means it. He knows she’s right. She usually is.

He nods, silently, letting her words sink in. He did have issues, everyone knew that, but most people didn’t just say it. That’s why he liked Sydney, she was so real, so honest. She was so good for the business, for the kitchen. And maybe her saying that to him was all part of grounding him in the reality of it all. Of his issues, just that they existed.

“Heard.” he says. His voice comes out raspier than he expected, like he’s struggling to say it.

“Goodnight, chef.”

“Night.”

He’d thought about what Sydney said the entire night. He does have issues, he knows that, he’s just mad at himself for letting everything get this far before seeking help. It scares him. Because it reminds him too much of Mikey. Or what he heard about him when things got bad.

He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes his brother did. Lock people out of his life just because it seems easier, because it’s better to minimize the damage than to figure out why you’re doing damage at all. And yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s scary, terrifying even. But he keeps being reminded of how it must feel for you.

It’s something he’d never considered before. He always thought he had you all figured out, all fake smiles and backhanded compliments to distract him. It never occurred to him to just… Ask. It was always just easier to assume. It fit his view of you and it kept him going, even if it was at the expense of ever getting to know you at all.

He’s hoping he can change that with a few text messages and a long, probably uncomfortable, talk over coffee. Just hoping, trying, that’s really all he can do. He’s well aware of how bad he is at communicating, but he has to give it a shot. For you, at least.

He stares at his phone screen for far longer than is necessary, continuously rereading the messages he’d typed. His eyes keep flicking to your contact, making sure he sent it to the right person. The only thing you two had texted about before was a time and place for him to try your new restaurant. His heart aches at the exclamation points and emojis you’d sent; you were so excited, and he drove all that excitement straight into the ground.

He closes his eyes and shuts off the phone. His chest hurts, like he’s been holding his breath the entire time. Maybe he has. You could have that effect on him, making it harder to breathe. He always wondered why he had such nervous reactions around you specifically. He always figured it had to do with your one sided rivalry, but it feels… Different. More complex.

Your eyes are finally peeled off your computer screen when numerous phone notifications alarm you. Truth be told, you’ve been trying your best to keep yourself occupied as much as possible. That usually helps when you get waves of emotions like this, keeping busy, distracting your mind from overthinking.

Ever since your last encounter with Carmen, you’ve been so on edge. Always trying to do something, anything, so you wouldn’t have to think about what happened, why he acted like that to you. Because you know if you did, you’d just start blaming yourself again, and you’d be back to square one.

Your eyebrows raise at the name of the contact. You were sure he’d blocked you, or at least deleted your number after last time. He was avoidant like that, and frankly, you weren’t sure if you wanted him to talk to you again after that anyways. Maybe it was just to drive the point home, make you feel even more worthless.

Still, you were curious. Even if it was just to cuss you out even more, at least you knew what to expect, right?

[carmen]: hey, I really want to talk to you about what happened last time.

[carmen]: well

[carmen]: I want to apologise

[carmen]: but I can’t do that like this

[carmen]: I’d much rather do it in person

[carmen]: if you’d let me

[carmen]: meet me at odette’s tomorrow around 10? coffee’s on me, I just want to talk

[carmen]: please

The last message was sent minutes later than the rest, while you were reading them. He was desperate for an answer, and though you wanted to hear him out, to talk to him, something in you felt off about the whole thing. Like he was just doing this to clear off his own guilt, only to then ditch you just like he ditched you after culinary school. Because you’re rivals, apparently. That’s what you do.

But then there’s something else in you too. The part that’s still nostalgic about New York with him. About the glances back and forth when you were timed on preparing certain things, about the way he’d stare at you when you got feedback, the ignorant bliss you lived in. When you still believed he might have liked you just a little.

That part of you takes the upper hand when you reply and take his offer. Your heart is in your throat, nerves overtaking you already and you weren’t even with him yet. He had that effect on you sometimes, making it harder to breathe.

You wondered what that meant.

Carmen sits alone at a booth, all the way at the back of the café he’d chosen. It’s rather quiet, as most Mondays are, yet at the same time, it’s so loud. Loud in the way he hears the clinking of every spoon against porcelain cups, the crinkling of a napkin and the not so subtle ticking of the clock above the entrance. 10:06. You were late.

Suddenly he's filled with more regret than he's ever felt before. He's not ready to see you again, only to be reminded of how he made you cry, and of his own tumultuous emotions and shortcomings that lead to this moment. It's surprising how fast the emotions he associates with you changed; he's not angry anymore, he's scared, guilty, nervous. He wants to see you so bad and yet he feels like you'd be better off never talking to him again.

It's too late to make a run for it when you finally walk through the door. Hair a little damp from the rain, just a bit disheveled from what he could only assume to be rushing over to the café. And that same angelic smile you offer to the barista that greets you, the same one you'd offer him every morning, whether he looked at you or not.

He had no choice but to look now.

Your smile falters into something more nervous, a little melancholic, when your eyes meet his across the café. Though you knew he was going to be there, something in you feels surprised to see him again. Maybe it’s because he isn’t yelling at you or throwing insults at your head this time. Or maybe because he’s actually looking you in the eye. Since when did he get so good at that?

You sit down across him, taking off your coat and putting your bag besides you.

“Hey.” You smile again, much more awkward this time.

“Hey.” He returns the same thin lipped smile.

It’s quiet for a few seconds. Carmen swears the whole café has gone silent in that moment, leaving the two of you to listen to the sound of your own breathing and heartrate picking up. You’re not sure where to look, not being used to being in such an intimate setting with him.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Sorry I was late.”

You both talk over each other, and the urge to chuckle about it overtakes you. Carmen can’t help but smile as well. You seem nervous, and somehow that puts him a little more at ease. Like he’s not the only one who’s in their head about it.

“Sorry, I, uhm, yeah— I would like a coffee.” You scramble over your words. “Please.”

“Sure,” he nods, “and no worries.”

“Hm?”

“That you were late. I haven’t been here that long either.” He lied. He’d been there half an hour early, cursing himself for letting him sit along with his thoughts for that long and psyching himself out into almost leaving.

You both order and another heavy silence sits between you two. You both know why you’re there, what needs to be talked about. Yet neither of you know how to bring it up.

You’ve lived most of your lives believing this version of each other you had in your minds. Because it kept you grounded. Because it was easier. He never let you in and for the longest time, you were at peace with that. You could have a slightly distant view of who he was, your classmate, your rival. And he could do the same. Keep you out, pretend you were there to keep him on his toes, to always try to outdo him.

Those facades of each other don’t work anymore. The real world has forced you to reconcile with each other, whether you liked it or not.

Your coffee gets brought to your table, and both of you feel this urgency to say something, anything, at least.

“The pastries here are good too, if you want to get one.” He finally broke the awkward silence. He can start with talking about food, something he knows. If all else fails, resort back to that.

“I haven’t tried a pastry besides my own in a long time. Maybe I could learn a thing or two here.” You admit. He knows that feeling. He’s not nearly as adventurous with his food choices as he wants to be, but as a busy chef on the brink of a new entrepreneurship, it’s usually beef sandwiches and frozen meals.

“I think yours were better though.” He takes a sip of his coffee.

“Huh?” You look up, realizing you were avoiding eye contact by staring into your cup.

“The danish I tried at your place. It was fire.”

“Oh. Right. Thank you, we make everything from scratch.”

“I could tell.” He takes another sip. “I guess I— I kinda forgot to tell you that. In the heat of it all.” He huffs to himself. “Food was so good it made me upset.”

“Upset?” His word use frustrates you. Upset is when they forget to give you your sauce with your order. What happened back there was not upset. That was rage. Wrath. You raise an eyebrow and he realizes he said something wrong.

“Well, more than upset. Listen, I— We need to talk about what happened.” His blue eyes peer into your own. They’re almost distracting enough to avoid you noticing his fidgeting hands.

“I’m listening.” You lean back slightly in your seat. You’d played nice with Carmen all your life, given him every chance to return it. Now it was his turn to try.

"Right." Of course he has to talk. It's his fault, isn't it? He's the one who snapped-- why did he even imply you'd have to explain yourself? He runs a hand through his hair, and there he goes again, eyes darting across the café to find something to focus on as he sought out the right words. You'd almost find it endearing, how bad he is at this, if it wasn't so important to you.

"You don't do this often, do you?"

"What, like-- meeting up for coffee?"

"Talking about stuff. Your feelings and shit." You hid your slightly amused smile behind your coffee cup before taking a small sip.

"Oh. Yeah, no, I-- I don't. Not until recently." He takes a deep breath. Just like they had told him to. “I’ve been going to this therapy thing my sister recommended. S’not much, but… It’s a start. Talked about the restaurant, my brother—“

“Your brother?” Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“Yeah, my— my brother. Mikey.” He looks a bit surprised. He’s come to the shattering realization that he’s never told you anything about his personal life, ever. You don’t even know about one of the most important people in his life, his main drive. You’ve known each other for so long yet you know so little. “I never told you about him?”

“You never told me anything.” You answer curtly. “We never really… Talked, you know?”

“Yeah— yeah, you’re right. I just thought… Wow.” He smiles, more out of shock than anything. He feels so stupid. How immature is it to be feuding this much with a person who doesn’t know anything about you?

“I guess I really don’t know much about you either.” His fingers rake through his messy curls again. “Makes me feel like even more of an idiot for going off on you like that. Like I had you all figured out.”

“Yeah, that was uh... That was something." The mood shifts a little. His smile fades as soon as he sees the melancholy in your eyes return. Of course it wouldn't be that easy for you to forgive him, to feel better about all this. "You know, I never knew you thought of me like that." A small smile graces your features. Somehow it's sadder than the expression you had before.

"I mean, I knew you didn't like me. I was pretty much at peace with the fact that you were never going to like me, either. But I never thought you hated me that much." You sniffle, trying your hardest to blink away any oncoming tears. "Like your life, your entire career, would have been easier without me there at all."

His heart aches at the sight of you, all teary eyed and trying to be brave. You're much braver than him. Sadness is a much harder thing to express than anger. He's starting to figure that out more and more.

"I don't hate you." He starts. He sees the confusion contort your features, and he knows he's not making any sense. "I mean I did-- I did hate you. Or, maybe not you, just... The fucked up idea I had of you. And-- and that was on me, that was my own fault." He feels an urge to touch you; to rub your back, hold your hand, anything to comfort you. It's tearing him apart to know that he's the cause of all this.

"But why?" A single tear rolls down your cheek, leaving a wet streak on your skin in its wake. "Why did you think that about me? I-- I get that we had a little rivalry going but jesus Carmen, did you really think I spent my whole culinary school career trying to outdo you?"

"To be honest... Yeah." He feels ashamed. So ashamed. He hopes the waitress doesn't walk by and listen to any of this, see you crying, and make you feel even worse. "Cooking was always just... My thing. If I was good for anything, it would be that. So seeing you do so well at something I'd started to base my whole existence around, it made me jealous, so fucking jealous." He meets your eyes, even if it's hard. You have to know he's being sincere.

"And it's-- it's unfair, it's so unfair to you, I know, and I'm really fuckin' sorry. I'm trying to work on myself, on everything, and I hope I can prove that to you." His face has that red tint you recognize whenever he's nervous or stressed. You can tell this is taking a lot from him.

"Is that really all? You were just jealous?" Your voice is quieter, fragile almost.

"I don't know. I wanna think it's that simple but I really don't know. There's a lot I don't understand about me, or you, or us. My mind doesn't know how to react when I see you anymore I think, now that things are different." He takes a deep breath, like saying that took a physical toll on him. "You have this-- this weird effect on me, and I don't know how to cope with it. I think it was just easier to be mad at you than to be anything else."

Anger is easier to express than sadness. The easiest out of all emotions, actually. Sometimes a little too easy.

You look to the side, wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. You huff out something close to a laugh, and though he’s caught off guard by it, he doesn’t mind it. Even if you’re laughing at him, at least that means you’re not crying.

“You’ve got issues Berzatto. You know that?”

“Yeah. I’ve been told.” He smiles, and it’s heartfelt this time. Not nervous, or sad, or awkward. He’s happy to see you a little more at ease.

“It’s just really crazy to me.” You trace your finger over the edge of your coffee cup as you talk. “I spent so much time in culinary school looking up to you. And then I find out you were always just trying to keep up with me.”

Carmen’s eyebrows raise a little at your words. “Looked up to me?”

“Yeah, like… Your drive, your passion, it’s so impressive. Always looking to improve, to do better, it just— it inspired me to do better too. As cheesy as that may sound.” You smiled. “S’why I opened up in Chicago, you know.”

“Really? Huh.” He leaned back in his seat.

“Because I wanted to work with you. Or for you. Either would have been fine with me.” You sigh. “I like owning my own place, but… I don’t know, for some reason I always imagined us working together.” You smiled. “Is that stupid?”

“No,” he replied quickly, “no not at all, I— I totally get that.” He’s quiet for a few seconds, and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head when he stares at you for a moment.

“I mean you’re a remarkable chef, really, like— insanely remarkable, and, well, we’re revamping the restaurant completely right now. We need people— more people, new people, and so, I was wondering— or I’ve been thinking—“ He stops himself from losing his breath from all his rambling, before he freaks you out even more than he already has.

“I want you to come work for us at the Bear.” He puts his hands together, as if he’s about to beg. “Please.”

You can almost hear yourself blinking out of confusion. There’s suddenly no more loud silences, no, the café seems dead quiet for once. All you can do is stare at him, wait for a laugh, because clearly this was a joke right? There’s no way Carmen Berzatto, chef supreme, arch nemesis of yours, would want you anywhere near him, let alone work in his own establishment.

“I’m sorry?”

He feels stupid already. You had every reason to say no. He’d been the biggest asshole in the world to you, he’d kept his distance all his life, and now he expects you to be his employee. Or, well, colleague, more so.

“I’m uh— we’re redoing the restaurant entirely. New equipment, new staff, new everything.” He swallows; the thought of everything that needed to be done arises for a moment. “We need people that work hard, who know what they’re doing and who are passionate about it. And I barely know anyone who’s better at what you do than yourself.” He pauses, waiting for you to stop him. But you don’t.

“So I’m asking if you’d work for me. With me. It won’t be anything like old days, if anything I— I need to learn from you.” He scoffs at himself. “Could take a thing or two about how to communicate with my staff.”

You smile, and he genuinely thinks you’re about to start laughing at him. You chuckle, but it’s not mean, it’s honest. Cute.

“You know, you have great timing.” You grin.

“I do?” the smile on his face reflects the hope he feels.

“One of my chefs wants to take over the place for me. Well, has been wanting to. I haven’t had an exact reason to say yes to her yet.” You shrugged. “Guess I do now.”

“…Is that you saying yes?”

“It’s definitely not me saying no.” Your eyes meet his, and there’s something between you both that’s different now. It’s not like there’s a switch that’s been flipped. It‘s more like this conversation was the turning page of a new chapter.

“I’ll think about it. I want to see it first. Maybe talk to some of your staff.” Carmen’s chest strains a little when he thinks about you interacting with Richie. Then he’s reassured when he thinks about you interacting with Sydney or Marcus. You’d fit in well, you have great feeling for people.

“Yeah— yeah, I get that. Totally. I can arrange that. Uhm, we’re renovating right now, actually, it’s all really kinda wild, but if you wanna stop by, chat with Syd, or Nat, or talk about the plans, let me know. I’m sure they’d love to talk to you.” He’s not lying, you seem like you’d get along well with them. Especially Sydney. Your thinking processes are very similar to each other. And to his.

Carmen gets the bill, even though you try to pay for it.

“It’s just a coffee, just let me get this one.”

You let him have this one, simply because you can’t argue with him after the conversation you just had. You’re in too good of a mood after his proposition too.

He walks you to your car, hands in his pockets when you reach it. It’s cold outside, and his breath comes out in visible puffs of air. His nose is a little red, but you think it looks cute.

“Thanks for coming, by the way,” he starts, “I know you didn’t have to. Like— after how I acted to you. But— But I really do appreciate that you’re givin' me a chance here.” He’d always been confused about how positive and faithful you were in people. He never thought he’d be grateful for those exact features too.

“No worries, I… I had a good time. I’m glad we talked.” The keys jingle as you fidget with them. Among them is a keychain in the shape of a cherry, he recognizes it. It reminds him of how little you’ve both changed. And how much.

“Yeah.” He sighs. Relieved, almost. “Me too. But I’ll let you leave, might wanna tell your chef the good news.”

“Good news?” You quirk an eyebrow.

“That you’re selling them the business.”

“I haven’t decided yet, Carm.” You scoff. But he can tell you have, you look too excited about it all to not have your mind made up yet. It excites him too. Scares him a bit as well, but what’s a new chapter without a bit of tension?

“Right. Sorry.” He huffs. “Just text me when you wanna head over to see the place. It’s uh… It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting somewhere.”

“I believe you. I’m looking forward to it.” You lean back against your car a little.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“See y’around?” You unlock it and walk up to the driver’s side.

“Course. Uh, don’t be a stranger.”

You grin, leaning down to get into the vehicle. “Never with you, Berzatto.”

He watches you drive off, standing in the cold for far longer than any sensible person has any business standing there. But he feels good. He feels warm.

He thinks about what you said to him before you left. You were right, you were never a stranger to him. You were always like a constant in his life; whether you were actually present or not. And even if he didn’t know that much about you, which he was insistent on changing, you were never a stranger.

Never with him.

tag list <3

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[eternally-smitten]

Drabblecember - Sharing Snacks

pairing: Natalie x Trevor Philips

summary: Natalie makes popcorn for both a decoration and a snack

word count: 653

author's note: yeah I had no idea what I was doing with this but enjoy!

divider credit: benkeibear

With a proud smile, Natalie plopped two large bowls of popcorn on the table and said, “There! I'm finally done with that!”

“Excellent, sugar,” Trevor's lips curled into a smile, “Why two bowls? One for you and one for me, I hope.”

She shook her head and clicked her tongue, “Tsk, tsk. Greedy, ain't ya? I want to use one of them as tree popcorn and the other bowl is for us to share. Unless you have an issue with that, Mr. Philips?”

“For the tree?”

“Yeah,”

“...Are you fucking serious.”

She knitted her eyebrows together, “What's with this hostility? Yes, I made popcorn to put on the tree.”

“Ya lost me.” He admitted. Trevor was starting to think his girlfriend had gone a little crazy.

She tilted her head to the side, “Have you never made like, popcorn garland for your Christmas tree?”

He sneered and shook his head no, “I've never even heard of doin’ that. I feel like you're making that shit up to mess with me.”

Natalie took an incredibly long piece of red thread and sat down next to him, fishing through the one bowl, “I'm not, jackass. This is a real thing real people do. Look it up! I'm tellin’ you I'm right!”

“Alright! I trust ya, I trust ya!” Trevor said, not trusting her at all, “Lemme help.”

So, Natalie handed him a sewing needle and made him be in sewing duty. Her job was to give him the unsalted popcorn when the last piece was secured on the thread. Since it was a pretty easy job, she went back and forth between giving him the decoration popcorn and the buttered kind she made to eat. 

“Open,” She commanded quietly. 

Trevor didn't look at her and opened his mouth slightly, not really thinking about it. His eyes and hands were focused on making the garland he wasn't entirely sure was a real thing amongst other families. She placed the buttery piece in his mouth and went back to giving him the plain ones. 

He hummed, “Mm, thanks.”

“Sure,” Natalie grabbed a handful of the salted kind and started to munch on it, “I couldn't let you starve, poor thing. You looked so frightened when I said we had to share a bowl.”

He snorted, “No, I was more offended that you made an entire fuckin’ bowl for the tree and not one for just me.”

She feigned being hurt, “Do you really hate sharing with me, your prized girlfriend, that much? Gosh, my heart…I think it's breaking!”

“Don't get all dramatic on me!” Trevor's raspy laugh echoed in the room, “I just like how ya make popcorn. That's all there is to it, doll.”

“You can always make your own if you feel like I'm depriving you of sustenance.”

“Will ya stop with that?” He elbowed her, making her laugh, “And you know damn well you have forbidden me from even entering the kitchen.”

“Hmm,” Natalie slid another piece in his mouth, “True. Especially after that one time you almost burnt the place down after trying to make ramen.”

“That was an accident!”

“How the hell you almost made a fire with boiling water is beyond me.”

As retaliation for that, he grabbed a fist full of the plain popcorn and threw it at Natalie, “Shut up! It was one fuckin’ time!”

She erupted in boisterous laughter, “You dick! I'm making you clean that up!”

“That's what you get for saying this popcorn decoration is a real thing.”

“It is a real thing, asshat!”

They bickered back and forth like that until the garland was finished. They continued to argue when they were hanging it on the tree. Eventually, Natalie grew frustrated and forced him to watch numerous Christmas specials to prove that they made popcorn for that intention. Without either of them realizing it, though, the edible popcorn bowl grew emptier as they shared it. 

Tag list: @blood-moon-ships @bobmckenzie @kylars-princess @gideongrovel @felixrichtershubby @fates-theysband @cherrypieships @bioexorcizm @lieutenantselnia lmk if you want to be added/removed! ♡

[bebe-thewriter]

Heyyy y’all I am back with the “bare wit me” series and if I’m being totally honest I have no idea what direction I’m going on with😐 butttt the lovely @xxmaddienicolexx Asked me ever so politely to continue so it it my duty to comply without complaints, soooo enjoy chapter 4 or bare wit me- BeBe🧘🏾‍♀️

The rest of the day went by quickly, but the casting came slow. Yamir, and Mikasa continued to tell me I did well, as a way to comfort me.

“This shit is driving me nuts bro.” I said, with a slight tremor in my throat. I’m freaking out. I’ve been to many auditions, and a plethora of castings but this was different, this was what I wanted since i heard their first ever song in high school.

“(Y/N) calm down bae, you did amazing, we know it, you know it, he’ll even the band basically said your in! You just gotta trust it.” Mikasa said while softly messaging my back.

“She’s right, and along with that, we all peeped Connie eye fucking you soooooo.” Ymir says with a big smirk.

“Ymir stop! He was not….. was he.” I said. “Yes bitch, he was.” Now that calmed me down.

“Ughhh girl you have no idea what he dose to me. He’s so damn attractive, and not to mention fucking talented! Not only is he the producer of S.C.O.U.T.S but the drummer, andddddd the lead rapper! Ugh he is just so-“ but before I could finish I was cut off by ymir.

“Sexy, and dreamy,” “don’t forget he has the sex appeal of a god!!!!” She adds Imitating things I may have and may not have said. “Sthu y’all ain’t funny” I say giggling, they know me so well.

Before we can continue our conversation we see a group hurriedly jog past us. “THE CASTING IS OUT.” I hear someone yell excitedly.

“Oh I guess the casting is out.” I say in a nonchalant way, but then it hits me……….. “THE FUCKING CASTING IS OUT!!!” I repeat this time though with more emotion.

We hurriedly sprint to that tiny piece of paper strung up by tape and surrounded but a sea of bodies. As we walk through them I notice multiple reactions happening, sadness being the more popular one. Though envy was a recurring one as well, “who the hell are even half of these people a bunch of nobodies bro,” and, “well I’m clearly one of the best singers at this school so they just lost a valuable player!” And so on.

Finally we reach the paper and with a beating heart I read it……damn I’m at the top nvm.

(Y/N), Historia, Bobby, Natalie, Petra, Floch, Dj, Mavis, Missy, and Geneva. “We hope to see you all at rehearsals starting on Monday morning. Btdubs your excused from all classes cause like were more important byeeeee” after reading the poster on thing is for certain… Saha wrote this shit and two I’m at THE FUCKING TOP OF THE LIST.

Mikasa, Ymir, and I all start getting giddy with excitement but out of respect we remain silent. “Come on guys let us depart.” Mikasa says in a accent. “Ofc lady Mikasa, come sir Ymir we must go, it appears i must participate in the act of tinkleing” I say mimicking Mikasa. As soon as we get to the coed bathroom we celebrate. “See girl we knew you could do it you were top of that list.” Mikasa says. “Yeah she’s right, your even double lucky because now you get to hang with Mr. “damn mama you so fine” headass.” Ymir says.

“Guys stop! Connie would never say that and now that I’m IN THE COMPETITION our relationship will be professional.” I rant. “But damn I almost got distracted during my audition, he really is just sooo amazing.” I repeat for the thousands of times.

“Nah mama that’s all you.” Wait what. My head slowly turns to the low voice and my entire body stiffens. “Hey Connie.” I say nervously, “hey (Y/N)” he says smirk growing ever so wide.

I FUCKING FORGOT WE WERE IN COED BATHROOMS

last minute post sorry if it’s rushed and shit it’s because it is I’m not used to writing a story after a few weeks usually it takes years Lmaoooooo but yea hope y’all enjoyed ps my bad didn’t mean for it to be so short but it’s Ight

-BeBe out💃🏾

[incarnateirony]

When Mary Manchin argued that SPN gets zero market testing, even Destiel, I already had the fucking receipts that we cleared 3 years later safely after much scrutiny.

When Jess of Mary Sue screamed at me that "the authors had no intention" of trying to take Destiel anywhere, early season 14, I stared at her like the unplugged alien she was, while she trumpeted for example how well she knew berens bc she sits at con tables with him but can never read his eyes rolling out of his head.

When season 15 started, i said at the start of the season we were going there. Because, well, it was the first thing he wrote, and his ONLY reason to stay, which is weird for not having intent. But anyway this "STOP GETTING PEOPLES HOPES UP" condescending garbage was so thorough that Natalie Fisher, a real life friend of Meredith Glynn, argued there wouldn't be a confession that year, only a few episodes before it aired, when we already had three layers of leaks, including the script wholesale and some international stuff, like me too/i you

The entire time they barked and barked and omg it happened. Then the ending wiped out and they laughed at my old "spec" along with that confession of roadhouse reunions and more, missing everything else matched up down to events and death order just to pretend they won something.

They screamed and denied anything was removed or omitted or cut then we got the scripts and the cuts. And then they screamed louder, and literally started thanking covid for destroying the ending to give them what they wanted, or as close as they could ever get.

Jensen's graphic designer stared me in the face and told me the pilot was fake when I had a list of like, 30 reasons 100 miles long it was real that they'd never get, and i told them and 2p0 and everyone they were wrong and gasp, they were wrong!! Go figure that winkyface no Danneel DMed you wasn't real, but whatever they sent you last week sure popped ur lid

So then 2P0 tried to hyperfixate on proving the pilot was gonna be dramatically different and way overblew getting shrill about the reshoots, so I went ~somewhere and within 2 hours confirmed the exact nature of the reshoots, which beyond a few additional fills when the whole group came back for ep 2 were mostly finished with the extended pilot shooting, and how small and minor those were--phrasing tweaks, framing and light mood adjustments. Boom, a week later screener drops, says the same damn thing.

This entire thing is a fools errand of dipshits not understanding WHO has reliable info about WHAT and think A Source Is A Source Is A Source, They Know Someone, Right? -- and like, no. now 2p0 out here trying to frantically retool his pilot dialogue less than 2 weeks before the pilot airs and got so fucking up his own ass about it he forgot there were other episodes to track.

Seriously guys. Follow the leak history there and realize just why 2p0 and co are treading water so desperately for a narrative to fix. For years they brushed all of the above events under the rug but it's time to consider them as a complete picture--both what the creatives were fighting for, and how absolutely fucking disconnected 2p0 is. even people with better contact like Jess don't know what the fuck they're doing. They won't tell their real friends like Natalie most of the time. And low ranking workers in one department do not inherently know the business machinations above their paygrade.

It's time for fandom to start boxing this off. to not fall for 2p0's nonsense blending con sizzle reals and official ads to try to make confusion. To delineate the departments and understand who has perspective on what. To know where to reach above that. And to look for caveats or deflections in the way authors speak.

If you guys weren't desperate for anti confirmation biases or bitter confirmation biases, you'd be embarrassed for EVER reading jensen's "a script got leaked" shit the way 2p0 did. he didn't say it was fake, he said it was different, and that's true, they had already revamped the axis mundi visuals even before the reshoots but the song remains the fucking same, dudes, cope.

Look real, real hard at which fandom leakers speak clearly with confidence on these issues, and which ones like 2p0 say a pile of nothing commital so later he can pull one of 5 options out and say he was right. No, we don't do that shit here. That's not being In The Know, that's you not even being able to sort out your fifth degree rumors, what the shit.

History matters here, folks. Don't buy a car with a history of breaking down, and don't follow a blog like 2p0 that perpetually does.

[ashes-writing]

the power of love pt. eight | stranger things ; s.harrington

tag list babes || req rules + fandoms/characters || got a req or a ? || masterlist

CHAPTERS ; 

one - two - three - four - five - six - seven can all be reached by clicking. stranger things masterlist is here

AUTHORS NOTES;

So this is... Pure fluff. I mean that. Expect even more fluff in future parts, tbh. I truly enjoyed writing this all out and it felt like it was just time for this to happen, honestly. So.. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did when it came to me.

Huuuuge thanks and so many fucking hugs and kisses to everyone who puts up with / encourages / reads and sticks around for my bullshit. You guys have no idea how much every single one of you mean to me, babes. Or how much your interactions, whether it be a comment or a reblog or a reblog with tags (your tags guys, ugh I love reading them, they always make me smile), or even a like sometimes manages to make it to me when I need it most and inspires me to keep going. Thank you so so so so so much. I love you guys.

SUMMARY;

-- school dances. two best friends who both want to be more. everybody knows how they feel but the other respective party but maybe... maybe that's all about to change?

PAIRING;

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Fem of non physical descript beyond having necessary female parts, outfits described and personality assigned.

WARNINGS;

mentions of the devils lettuce, uh... kissing. awkward cute Steve. Lotsa fluff.

TAGLIST;

The only people on my taglist for Stranger Things currently are listed below. If you’d like to be and you aren’t, please go add yourself via the link at the very top of the post.

@ALLELITESMUT

@AURUMBELIS

@ARIES-ARCADE

@COLE22ANN

@HCLOANGCLS

@heyaitsklaudia

@hoeshii

@ICEQUEEN1371

@KRYS-ORION

@letsbedragonstogether

@louderfortheback

@MUSICHEALSSCARS

@SCOOBIESSNACKS

@secretsicanthideanymore

@SUITS-AND-SMIRKS

OTHER STUFF;

As previously stated, this is slice of life -mainly fluff / domestic moments and stuff. The Upside down, vecna, deaths and monsters do not exist here. If you're looking for those kinds of things, this is not that. Everyone is of age here, also. And we're saying that the Snow Ball also happens at Hawkins High too, sue me.

You’ve been painting backdrops and decorations for the Snow Ball coming up and you’ve been at it all afternoon. You’re still hanging around when Steve gets out of practice a little after six. But he can’t leave without stopping by the Art classroom to see you because earlier in the day, he got back the results on an exam you spent almost two weeks helping him go over.

You’re the first person he wanted to tell that he aced it.

He’s leaning in the doorway, watching you as you sprawl out on the classroom floor, varying shades of purple, blue and white all over you and the light above your head making the glitter in your hair sparkle in it. You’re laughing. The topic turns to the Snow Ball.

“Are you going? Do you have a date?” Valerie asks the question as you’re preoccupied painting one of the letters on the big banner that’ll go over the gym doors on the night of the  dance. You shrug. “Dunno. I mean, nobody’s asked. And like.. I do want to go with someone but.. It’s a long shot.”

“Just say you wanna go with Steve and go, damn. We all know. The entire school thinks you’re dating, you realize that, right?”

You swallow hard, gazing up at Carol, who is the one who said it. “Huh?”

“Yeah. And Steve never actually denies it. Neither do you, come to think of it.” Carol points out with a calm smirk. You can feel your heart racing and your stomach fluttering. You shrug. “He’s probably gonna ask some real pretty girl. Didn’t he go to that movie with Natalie Allen last weekend?” you ask, a brow raised.

“And she was disappointed as hell when he dropped her off at Tina’s. She said he didn’t do a single thing the whole time but talk about you.”

Steve has to duck into the hallway and take several deep breaths. Classic Carol, he thinks to himself, stirring the pot somehow. But somehow, Carol saying all that she’s said isn’t as bad as he worried it would be. Because since the night about two weeks back when Dustin hinted that you might feel something too, he’s just been sitting on what he was told because he was afraid to do or say anything.

But now that it’s out, he thinks to himself, maybe I need to just go for it.

He steps back up to the doorway, staying out of sight as best as he can and just when he does, it's enough time to overhear what Dustin told him almost two weeks ago out of your own mouth.

“Come on. You can’t sit there and tell me you don’t feel something… Right?” Carol is studying you intently as she dips her paintbrush into deep blue paint.

“Okay, alright. I do. I really do. I love him.. I mean I think so…I just..” you’re doing that cute little thing where you fidget because you’re nervous. Picking at your sleeve. “Look at him, okay? He’s him… I’m.. Me…”

“He’s done way worse recently, I’ll have you know. Hello, that whole shit show with Nancy?” Carol insists.

You swallow hard. “Yeah, but I mean.. She’s actually pretty. And she’s not awkward or clumsy. And she’s probably uh.. Ya know.. Got experience… with things. I do not.”

Carol pops a bubble with her gum as she stares at you like you’ve suddenly grown three heads. “I’m not dignifying any of what you just said with an answer because it’s fucking stupid.”

“Agreed.” Valerie adds. And when she catches sight of Steve lingering by the open door, she pulls herself off the floor and holds a hand out to Carol. “C’mon. I wanna do something bad.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“We gotta go down to my locker. It’s hidden in there.” Valerie answers, practically dragging Carol out of the classroom and right past Steve, the two of them so distracted in their little mission that neither of them seem to see Steve standing there, frozen in place and stunned out of his mind right beside the  door.

Steve takes a deep breath and drags his hand over his face. He can’t come up with anything to dispute what he’s just heard out of his own mouth and he knows it. And the overwhelming urge to just do something is about to drive him insane, it has been for a while now.

And before you can say anything, Carol and Valerie are gone. Probably to smoke a joint in the bathroom because it wouldn’t be the first time Val’s done it when you’re just hanging out on campus after school is done for the day like this. 

You’ve just started to work on covering some snowflakes in glitter when you hear the door to the classroom close quietly.

And then you hear Steve’s throat clear. You sit up and stretch, grinning at him. “Hey! I didn’t think you’d still be here..” you pull yourself off your feet and make your way over, and you’re about to hug him but just like you tend to most of the time, you stop yourself short. And Steve’s staring at you. Intently. Lost in thought. Dazed.

“Steve? Are you okay?” you gaze at him in concern. You remember the exam he had that morning and you sigh. “Didn’t go well, huh?” you hug against him, carefully so you don’t get any wet paint that may be on you on his white shirt. You’re a little surprised when he pulls you against him so that your bodies are flush instead of awkwardly placed and his arms lock around you so tight that your breath catches in your throat for a few seconds.

“No, I passed. A -.” Steve mumbles when his brain finally lets him get words out properly. You throw your arms around his neck and you’re laughing. “I told you you’d pass!” you stick your tongue out at him and you’re so happy, so proud of him it seems, that something in him just snaps.

His hands settle on either side of your face and he pulls your mouth against his, his tongue outlining your lips before his lips latch onto them. You whimper, shivering a little. Melting against him as your fingers tangle in sweaty hair that’s sticking up everywhere on his head. His tongue invades your mouth, running along yours. Massaging. Dominating the kiss. Your brain still hasn’t quite processed what’s happening, but you want it bad enough that you’re very responsive, very vocal, every little whimper and whine and the way your teeth latch onto his bottom lip and bite down gently when you pull away just a little to breathe, mouths still connected by a strand of saliva… It’s even further confirmation that there is something there.

And he can’t just ignore it now.

He’s gotta do something about it.

“S-steve?” you’re still processing what just happened. Dripping and hot all over, squirmy under his intent gaze. He wipes the back of his hand over his mouth and his forehead falls against your own as he attempts to catch his breath completely. “Sorry, I..” he mutters quietly, you shake your head at him, “No,no.. Don’t uh.. Don’t apologize, okay? I liked it.” you admit, going red in the face which makes him chuckle quietly. “Somebody’s blushing right now.”

“Am I?” you breathe out. He nods. “It’s cute.”

“I uh… why, though?” you question, gazing up at him with such a puzzled look on your face that he laughs softly. “Because I like you. A lot.”

“Oh.” you mumble softly. And then, it finally hits you. “Oh.” you mumble again, awe in your voice. “I don’t mean it the way you’re thinking, I… It’s driving me crazy, alright? I like you so much it’s scary.” -and he doesn’t say it, but he’s thinking that this is terrifying and he’s second-guessing his entire decision and questioning whether what he heard was misunderstood, but then you’re melting against him, pulling him down to your level with a hand fisting at sweaty hair as you crash your mouth against his and nip at his bottom lip until the shock wears off on his end and his mouth falls open for you. You sigh against his mouth and admit quietly, “I know what you mean. I’ve wanted to say something I just..” you trail off and he speaks up, his mouth meeting yours again so that the word is swallowed by the kiss, “Couldn’t. Me too.” he takes a very long and shaky breath as he stares at you through heavy lidded brown eyes.

And then Carol and Valerie clear their throats from the doorway. “Finally?”

Steve’s holding out a middle finger to both of them and you’re hiding your heated face in the front of his shirt. He glances down at you. “Do you uh.. Do you wanna get outta here? Y’know,” he nods to the blue and purple and white hues all over your clothes and skin as he chuckles and smirks, “Before that shit dries and ruins your favorite jeans?”

“Yeah.” you manage to answer, but your legs feel like Jello so instead of moving, you stay melted against him and you take a second or two to pull yourself together. When you’ve stood there cuddled against him for what your two friends deem a long enough period of time, they yell in unison, “Oh my god, go! Go make out or something, shit!”

“We’re fiiiine. We’ll totally get these signs and stuff hung up. Yeah.”

You glance from one to the other. “Okay. Alright.”

Steve hasn’t felt this lightweight in a while. Months.

On a whim, he scoops you up and the two of you spill into the hallway, rushing through the double doors at the end and out into the dim light of an early sunset. 

You’re sat atop the hood of his BMW and he pushes your legs apart to stand between them. “So uh… you’ll come with me, right? You’re.. We’re..”

You laugh softly. “Depends on what you’re asking.” as you nod your head yes and lean against him, your heart racing and the smile on your face so big that it hurts almost. 

“Right, yeah.. The Snow Ball thing.. Will you uh… Go to it with me? As my girlfriend?” he’s fidgeting and you can’t help but laugh because it’s the cutest damn thing you’ve ever seen. Your arms slip around his neck and you smile, nodding and laughing. “I will. As your girlfriend.”

“Do you, uh… Do you wanna come over? We can watch movies or something..”

You nod and smile. “I’d love that.”

[disappearinginq]

One of these days, I’ll tell the story about how my roommates and I did a more thorough job investigating another roommate’s disappearance that got me on the NCIS watch list, but today is not that day. 

Instead, today is the day when I am reminded that some Navy buddies truly were ‘ride or die’. 

There were three of us - me, Jackie, and Natalie - who were older than most recruits in the barracks by several years. I was the baby of the bunch, Natalie was the oldest, and Jackie was in between, which meant that we hung out more often than most because we didn’t have to worry about stupid teenagers dragging us into their bullshit. We were thick as thieves at one point, but life happens, the Navy separated us, and we wound up on opposite ends of the country, only really talking through the occasional Facebook posts - for the last eight years. 

This past Monday, I got an out of the blue text from Natalie saying she was in, of all fucked up places, Harrison, Arkansas. You might not know the name, but I bet you know the pictures - huge billboards on the highway say things like this: 

Natalie is not white. She is not even passably white-ish. Last I knew, she was a minister in California somewhere near Bakersfield with her husband. I have no idea what possessed her to not only go to this town, but to stop there and take up residency. 

Anyway - she sends me a text asking me to go out to Satan’s asshole Arkansas for a week on her dime, and “take pictures of her bruises” so that “if/when I die, it will not cause an uproar in this town with beautiful people I have come to love” and then proceeds to send me a bunch of pictures of her that make it look like she was in a motorcycle accident - bruises everywhere, bandages and bandaides, a hospital bracelet, and what looks like where an IV was placed and tells me “pictures of my body after being dragged through the street and and up and down hospital hallways.”

At this point, I’m lowkey freaking out because it sounds like she was assaulted in the street and wound up at the hospital for her injuries from a racially motivated attack and now she’s trying to down play the severity of it so I don’t end up rolling into town like fucking Sherman rolled into Atlanta, but she’s not answering any direct questions about what happened. She says she’s going to bed, she gives me her phone number, and tells me good night (it was past midnight where I live). I tell her I don’t have any time to be able to come down because I just started a new job, but she was more than welcome to get the hell out of dodge and come to my house. 

I try to call in the morning, afternoon, and evening, and her number goes straight to voicemail. I give her my two numbers and tell her to call me. She doesn’t. Monday night, she sends a text saying that I won, she’d come to see me, couldn’t wait to bring a second income to my family which was now her family (which is also weird because last I knew, she had a family of 8-9 siblings that were all super close) and she would be leaving expressly - but she needed a new phone and a new credit card because "I'm not taking any chances with folks who ACT like they support the Vets but really do not....” . SO now I’m freaking out that she’s being actively PERSUED by the people who assaulted her, and I try calling six-ish more times and never get a reponse from her, and now I’m thinking she’s dead in a ditch in Arkansas killed by a fucking lynchmob and I have to go fucking torch this place, but I text Jackie instead, asking if she’s heard from Natalie lately, and give her the whole lowdown. 

Summed up: 

Jackie: I’M ON IT. 

She proceeds to call the local hospitals asking if they have a patient with Natalie’s name, but gets nothing. And we’re trying to remember what the hell Natalie’s last name is because she was married, and she’s using her middle name to go by, and I finally back track a conversation from YEARS ago, find it, and again start calling the hospitals. Then we try the police. They admit that they have a record of someone with her name, but it’s not recent. Jackie is very diplomatic and says that we’re worried about our friend, could someone do a welfare check, and the police hedge and say that the address isn’t really anywhere they can do a welfare check. 

I scan back through Natalie’s texts, and I get the sudden impression Natalie is living out of her van (which isn’t actually all that weird, her mother used to travel between all the kids and grandkids like that), but she’s quite possibly actually homeless. 

So then we start back tracking through her Facebook profile, texting every one of her friends, Jackie working top down, and me from the bottom up. Jackie gets a hit with one of them, a woman who says she’s Natalie’s best friend. So we send her the texts and pictures Natalie sent me, and her only reaction is: “I think she’s not feeling well again.”

The assault Natalie was describing was her fighting with the fucking hospital that she was being checked into for a mental health crisis. This is apparently a semi regular occurence, or at least, a repeat issue, because it’s happened more than once. Her husband either left or she left him because of it, at least four years ago. Nobody knows how the fuck she settled on Harrison, AR, of all places, but we can’t reach her on her phone because they confiscate your phone when you’re checked in by the police. The last time anyone spoke directly with her is the 9th of July, and that’s it. It turns out her family had no idea where she was, but had been trying to contact her with no response, but Detective JACKIE for the win managed to track down her apartment and got the manager to send someone to do a welfare check to see if she was even still living there. Currently waiting on a response. 

SO THAT’S BEEN FUN. HOW WAS EVERYONE ELSE’S WEEK?! 

[kuttanjal123]

BLINDFOLDED

"We suspect that you've been involved in the murders of Carol Lynch, Stella Mason, Johnnie Windmill, Debbie King, Annie Upton, Carter Butch ... the list goes on," said a sheriff. "In total, eight victims accounted for."

"Sir, I couldn't harm anyone. My family means the most to me. I'm great with kids. I love them," Dad said calmly. "I'm not a killer."

"We've been monitoring your activities and daily routine. While you did teach at the Maximillian University of Arts, here in Louisiana, Daunton College in Illinois, Rochford University at Michigan, and Bohr Institute of Technology at Arizona, you didn't work those long hours beyond the schedule you told people you had signed up for. You were out, hunting for prey, to kill."

Mom sent Morgan inside his room and locked it from outside. We knew he was capable of hearing anything and figuring stuff out. An inquisitive person. Things were getting pretty severe and harsh. The last thing we needed was to have him find out what was going on when we didn't know. Kids are super smart that way.

"That's impossible. I have strong alibis for where I was on all days. Didn't you check them out?" asked Dad.

"Why don't you take a polygraph? Prove us wrong. We'll let you go. Until then, you're in custody."

"I can't speak without my lawyer. You can't arrest me without any physical evidence!"

"Oh, there's plenty of evidence for sure—"

"Look, I don't like the way this is going," snapped Dad. "I refuse to speak without my lawyer."

Larry Douglas's lawyer was on TV, backing up Dad at every allegation thrown at him.

"The suspect will remain in custody until he is cleared of all allegations of foul play. For today the coverage marks its end," said a reporter.

I couldn't believe it. A week passed by, and Dad's case had created a media frenzy. It was the holidays, and we didn't leave the house until school reopened. When school was back in session, the press followed us everywhere to see if they could get something out of us.

They became so intrusive to the point we had to close our windows with the blinds every night and turn out all the lights. I hoped to find peace and comfort at school, but I was wrong. The whole school began to distance themselves from us, and so did the neighborhood community. Andy and Dwyane blocked me. I couldn't call or text them. Natalie shut me off completely, too. I decided to confront them.

"Dude, what's the problem?"

They began walking away from me. 

 "No, for real?" I said, blocking them. "Do you guys actually believe my dad killed people? He's a serial killer?"

"I don't know what to say, man. But they're some pretty heavy allegations," said Dwayne.

"What's there left to talk about?" asked Andy, puzzled.

"So, you guys think my dad's guilty?"

"We don't know what to think, but we can't be friends anymore. Sorry."

"So that's how it's gonna be, huh? Well, fuck you!" I screamed as they walked away.

I called Natalie to talk to her and explain myself. She refused to answer my call. The next day at school, I caught her walking outside the cafeteria.

"Please!" I begged as she tried to walk away. "At least you have to believe me!"

"David, your dad is being accused of some serious crimes. I don't think we should be together."

"So, you believe the police too? After all this time? I joined basketball to get back with you and revoke my passion. I loved you, and now you doubt me?"

"Don't text me or call me. This is the last time. If you try to get close to me, I'll get a restraining order," she said, walking away.

Morgan faced the same problem too.

"Nobody talked to me at school today!" he cried as I walked into the house. "Everyone stared at me, and no one sat with me during recess. They kept saying, 'Your dad's going to jail. He's bad, and he's gonna die. What's going on?'"

"N-nothing," I said. "It's gonna be fine, OK?"

Things went downhill for good when Dad was seen in an orange jumpsuit on tape, sitting in a chair and staring at the camera.

"I, Luke Parker, confess that I killed all the people mentioned in the list circulated in the media by the police. I admit that I lied initially during the police interrogation. Please leave my wife and kids out of this," he said without any emotion.

The police stated: "It was a needle in a haystack that led us to arrest and convict Luke Parker."

The images of the identified victims were displayed on the screen one after the other. Mom and I were shocked and didn't know what to say or how to say it. I, for one, didn't know how to comfort her since I was in denial. We both went to our rooms and stayed there for several hours to process what we had just witnessed. We didn't have any political contacts, nor were we in a position to make calls since we feared our lines would be tapped. I then closed my eyes and what I saw was a very different picture of Dad than what I had perceived. I remember noticing him out during late nights on certain days past our bedtimes, and for some days, I just didn't see him at home. I assumed this was normal since he was friends with other professors at the university and would have slept over at their houses during late nights.

I remember spotting a single brown hair on his jacket one night after he came in late and a red splotch on his shirt. It seemed suspicious, but I didn't ever confront him about it, nor did I want to pry. I guess I trusted him too much to believe he would do anything grave or foul. By the time I replayed these events in my mind, the two of us had gathered in the living room simultaneously, and by then, we had to come to face reality ... my father was a serial killer. A murderer, a criminal. How were we gonna live with this truth? People's hunches were correct. We could not go back to being normal since our family wasn't normal anymore. Although Dad was known to the media and world as the serial killer Luke Parker, we became criminals in school. We were mistreated, neglected, bullied by all the students and teachers, left out, and judged for Dad's actions.

There were protests in our neighborhood asking us to leave the community, verbal slurs thrown around, things thrown at us. Just pure hate. Notices sent to our home and left on our door ordering us to leave the neighborhood. I ran to my room and cried uncontrollably. People hated us, and suddenly, we were portrayed as individuals involved in these crimes who had knowledge about them but protected my father and never turned him in.

We decided to leave and drive away to Canada to start a new life. Living in the USA wasn't possible since news circulated 24 X 7 on my father's wrongdoing, and we were now victims of a media storm. Leaving the house and packing took and felt like forever, with the media hovering over us like bees ... After we dropped out of school and started on our way to Canada, we were stopped and taken into custody. The police interrogation went on for hours, trying to get one of us to confess, knowing about his crimes.

We were asked to take polygraphs, and we all passed. We were cleared as suspects. But that didn't mean that everything was over and done. Dad was set to be put to death. His punishment? The Electric Chair. We never visited him in jail on death row or spoke to him after the announcement.

While Mom was driving, she suddenly pressed the brakes and looked at me very calmly.

"Honey, nothing happened, right? Dad didn't do anything. They have him in custody, but he's gonna come back to us someday. It might take time, but we'll see him again. He's just wrongly accused," she said, smiling.

I froze, looking at her, not knowing how to respond.

"Right?" She raised her voice.

"Yeah, Mom, you're right," I gulped.

I knew what that meant—it meant not coping with the reality but rather simply pretending that nothing happened. She could do it, but how was I going to?

"Mom, why were there people taking our pictures all the time?" asked Morgan.

"Because they thought we were famous. But we're not," answered Mom with a wide smile.

Casey called out for Dad, as I turned around and held her hand, nodding slowly. She was biting her toy, as she happily motioned with her hands full of drool.

We were desperate to find a place to stay. Mom read a newspaper advertisement regarding a well-furnished condo: a single bed, two bathrooms, and a kitchen. We slept in the car and didn't shower for a couple of days.

We managed to seal the deal. We weren't prepared for the very unsafe and violent neighborhood. We could hear people cussing at each other in the night and loud gunshots firing. For many nights, I couldn't sleep and kept my eyes open. I was petrified. Morg and Casey fell asleep very quickly. Mom did after a while. But there were moments in her sleep where she would wail and scream in the night. I would pat her to calm her down.

Blythewood Public School seemed to meet our requirements and was luckily within our district. Maintaining a low profile, we hardly interacted with anyone. If we were labeled as loners or anti-social, so be it. The last thing we needed was for either one of us to blow our cover and for someone to find out who we really were. In the months following, I focused on studying hard.

I didn't make or want to make the basketball team. But I certainly did practice during recess at school, hoping to divert my mind. There were moments I teared up in school, having nobody to console me, looking around in shock and despair.

As dawn turned to dusk, I realized Mom wasn't in bed. As I got up looking for her, I saw the bathroom door slightly ajar. Peeping inside, I saw her take a white packet from under the sink, a money note from her pocket, and roll it out. She began snorting the powder. I barged in.

"Mom! What are you doing?!" I screamed as I tried to knock it out of her hand.

"Dave, stay out of this, leave me alone," she said as she pushed me away.

"NO!"

"Go and get some sleep. I know what I'm doing."

"Mom!"

"Get out!"

She managed to put up quite a violent fight with me, and I was soon thrown out. I banged on the door, pleading for her to open it.

"Dave, what happened?" asked Morgan as he yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"Morg, it's just a bad storm, OK?" I said as I carried Casey, who was wailing.

Morgan fell back into bed as I put Casey next to him and I lay beside them, not knowing what to expect next.

Mom came out smiling wide, acting perfectly fine. 

"I feel so good, Dave," she said before she lay down.

Silent, I cried myself to sleep almost every night. But Mom's nightmares and moaning escalated to the point that she jumped out of bed, broke down the front door, and started screaming. I tried to yank her back inside, but it was too late. People woke up and even threatened to harm us.

"Lady! Are you drunk?! Get back into your house and quit shoutin'!" screamed a man.

She didn't move an inch. A man had been standing with a beer bottle in his hand. Mom ran up to him and grabbed the bottle.

"Listen up bitch! If you ain't gonna shut it, I'll blow your brains out of your head!"

I ran back to her and dragged her inside the house. I pushed her into the bathroom and switched on the shower to help her sober up. Instead, she fell to the ground. As I tried to help her get up, she overdosed and choked. I rushed to the phone and dialed 9-1-1.

I tried giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but it didn't work. Within moments an ambulance arrived to take her to the hospital, and we all climbed in. I cried so much that a nurse had to hold me steady at the hospital. This was the moment I truly felt all the pain hit me at once. Dad had deceived us, and Mom could not cope with the reality.

I couldn't blame her. We didn't know how to act or how to be around each other, and it felt like we were characters acting in a school play. What was left to believe when everything was a lie?

Upon reaching the hospital, a Caucasian man about five feet and eleven inches tall with black hair and blue eyes approached us.

"Hello, I am Dr. Alex Damon. Are you this lady's child?"

"Yes, I'm David."

"Are these kids your siblings?"

I nodded.

"We are doing our level best to revive your mother. Is there someone with you? Or are you alone?"

"It's just us."

"OK," he said as he turned to leave.

"Doc!" I cried as I grabbed his arm. "Please save her. She's our only hope."

"We will. Don't worry, son," he said, patting my back.

There was a chapel inside the hospital, and I walked in with Morgan and Casey. I knelt before God, which I had never done before. After a while Dr. Alex found us and ushered in the nurse to take Morgan and Casey into the play area. Turning towards me, he hugged me as I sobbed in his arms.

"She's OK now, it's all right ... it's gonna be OK," he assured me.

Although we had no health insurance or coverage, Dr. Alex did something remarkable: he sought special permission to waive the medical expenses. Honestly, that was probably the best news I'd heard since my dad's imprisonment. I couldn't believe it. It took a while to actually believe this, given everything that had happened up till now had been so awful. I had to ask him several times if my ears heard the truth.

"Yes! It's true, buddy!" he exclaimed.

For a moment, I stared at him, not saying a word.

"Everything OK?"

"Oh—nothing," I said, looking down. He called me "buddy," and only Dad called me that.

"I know what happened to you," he said as he sat beside me.

"Ohh," I said softly.

"I watched the news when I was in Louisiana on vacation to visit my niece."

"So, you did this because you wanted to empathize?"

"In a way, yes, but mainly because I couldn't turn my back on someone who'd been in a situation similar as to mine."

I turned to him in shock. Dr. Alex's family had immigrated from Italy. They didn't have the means to leave and make a life somewhere else. When he was ten, his uncle was convicted of sexually assaulting three girls. He never married, and his mom couldn't bear the humiliation and resorted to drugs.

The drug abuse worsened, and soon they were on the streets. Every door slammed shut in their face. His mom overdosed, and he couldn't find anyone to help them. 

"I still remember trying to flag cars down the road to help us out. But no one stopped," he said softly.

"I'm sorry, Doc, I didn't know—"

"When I saw you in the hospital, crying for your mom, it made my heart melt because I saw a lot of me in you. I vowed to become a doctor because I wanted to help other families. It became my passion. Helping someone makes them feel good, just the way people helped me along my journey. I feel good too. It's the least we can do," he said, turning towards me. "I don't want you to face what I went through. I think it's best that your mom goes to rehab, and you and your siblings get into foster care. There's a federally funded rehab center called Maddox Rehab Center, and they're pretty good. Don't worry, she'll get sober."

"I hope so," I murmured.

"Alrighty ... I should be heading back to doing my rounds," he said, opening the door for both of us.

"Can I ask you one last question?"

"Sure."

"How did you do it?"

"What?"

"Become a doctor from literally living on the streets?"

"Neglect is one thing but fighting hard for what you want helps you overcome your fears. You forget about them. Life sure does challenge you, but it it's great when you challenge it back."

I nodded slowly with a faint smile as he stepped out of the room.

Mom was discharged a couple of days later. She couldn't remember anything that had happened. It was all a blur, which was a blessing in disguise. Dr. Alex signed a certificate stating that Mom wasn't healthy and mentally stable to take care of us and required rehab treatment to get sober. He took the day off and joined us in sending Mom off. I drove us to the rehab center. We were indeed a broken family with nobody to lean on or seek comfort in.

Saying goodbye to her at the center was the hardest thing ever. She refused to accept that she wasn't capable of supporting us anymore.

"Believe me! I'm fine! Nobody can love them the way I do!" she screamed as she was taken inside.

I stood motionless.

"She's gonna be fine. You'll all be a united family someday, I promise," he said, patting me.

I knew he was just trying to be nice, but in reality, he knew the truth just as I did.

[thran-duils]

Use All of Me (P.1)

Title: Use All Of Me (Part One) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark Mob!Steve Rogers. The Avengers are heroes saving the world but in this AU, they are also permitted by the powers in charge to have less than favorable business underneath their guise of mere superheroes. Steve and Tony are at the helm, keeping their empire’s wealth in check, both devious and perilous if crossed. Steve takes a liking to the reader at a party and it may be her undoing to her autonomy choosing to go home with him. Words: 2,132 Warnings: Dark AF, angst, emotional/mental abuse, smut, breeding, death Author’s Notes: This relationship is going to go ~downhill~ from healthy really quick. Please do not read if that is going to offend you.

Part Two || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

You hiked the sides of your swimsuit up higher, further accentuating your ass. A man had been watching you for the better part of the evening at the party you and a couple of your friends were attending. It was an upscale pool party, one with a list you had managed to get yourselves on at the last club event last weekend you had attended. You had made friends with the right girl, she had found you three entertaining and wanted you to be at this party. She had stopped by earlier in the evening, exchanging some laughs and pointing out where the bar was and also who to go to if you wanted to have some extra fun for a little extra cash. You had declined on that offer – you were not familiar with this place and it being your first time, you did not want to risk rolling and potentially making a fool out of yourself.

Your drink was placed on the bar and you tipped your glass towards the bartender. Walking back from the bar, you made sure to not cast a glance in his direction. You found playing hard to get was far more advantageous than acting desperate in circumstances like this.

You sat back down on the edge of the pool, your back to the man, where your friends were sitting with their legs dangling in the water.

“Who are you showing the goods off for?” Yua asked you, curious.

Shrugging nonchalantly, you said, “There’s a guy.”

She giggled, giving you a nudge, “Who? I promise I won’t be obvious.”

You took a drink, letting her simmer in anticipation for a few moments. “Hmm. He’s a dirty blonde, a suave, combed back style. Looks really muscular underneath that dress shirt. I wouldn’t doubt if he owns some Ray Ban aviators. It would really complete the look.”

True to her word, Yua was being discreet, eyes gazing over the crowd casually.

“There are a few…” she said slowly and then trailed off. Her head snapped towards you and she said, “Do you mean the one who can’t stop looking over at you?”

“I’m sure that’s him,” you smirked. “If he’s in a booth with a few other people.”

It was Natalie’s turn to look around. She let out a low whistle, bringing her glass to her lips.

“You don’t approve?” you asked.

She scoffed, “You do know who that is, correct?”

“Steve Rogers,” you told her as a matter of fact, which caught her off guard. Of course you knew who he was. Who did not know the Avengers? They protected the world but considering the work they did, they were given a lot of leeway about their other lucrative ventures. Money and protection were a part of their sphere, and it ran dark side, with a nasty underbelly. How deep it went was a big question for anyone not in the underground.

You shot a look over your shoulder, meeting his piercing stare. He smirked at you, and you blushed. Partially in embarrassment but also arousal. Well, this was going to make tonight interesting you hoped. Facing your friends again, you chirped, “Maybe he’ll buy me drinks. He certainly has enough money to drop some dollars.”

“Yeah, I am not sure that is such a great idea, Y/N,” Natalie said warily.

“Oh, if he’s on my same page, I’m just looking for a fun night. What the hell could happen?”

“A lot,” Natalie said sourly. Yua and you snickered. She said, “I’m serious. You don’t know what he’s involved in. Not truly.”

Yua told her, “I’m sure whatever business he has can hold off for one night if he wants to give Y/N some vitamin D.”

“You’re so childish,” Natalie muttered, the two of you chortling at Yua’s joke, much to her annoyance.

A shadow fell over the group of you from behind, causing the trio of you to turn around, craning your necks. A burly man was standing there, not one that you recognized.

“Mr. Rogers is requesting your audience,” he said to you in greeting.

You shot Natalie a self-satisfied smile. She returned a frown, disapproving. You knew her worries were valid, who really did know what kind of trouble you could get caught up in. But really, what could one night do? Still, going to a table with a bunch of mobsters did set you the slightest bit on edge.

“Audience…?” you trailed off, trying to be coy.

Natalie sighed, “Oh, Y/N, you know what he means.”

You smirked at Natalie before telling the man, “My friends are smarter than to let me go off with a strange man alone. Do you think it is possible they could join me? Just so I feel more comfortable?”

The man looked at loss for words for a few moments before clearing his throat, “Mr. Rogers specifically requested you, miss. He did not mention anyone else coming to his table.”

What a way to tell you no.

You exchanged a look again with Natalie and Yua. To the man, you said honestly, “Well, I will have to decline. I do not feel comfortable going alone. Tell him thank you for the invitation all the same.”

“O-oh,” the man stammered, struck uncomfortable by your refusal to go with him. He nodded jerkily, his hands clenching by his sides. “I… that is unfortunate. Well, I will… relay this to him. Good night then. And good night to you as well.” He nodded in the direction of Natalie and Yua as well in departure.

As soon as he was out of ear shot, Yua let out a small laugh. “He looked like you just signed his death wish, Y/N.”

“She very may well have,” Natalie told Yua gravely, which only made Yua snicker more. “I’m serious. Y/N just told an Avenger no.”

Scoffing, you asked, “What would you have had me do then? Go with him? I don’t think so. I was honest! I don’t feel safe going without the pair of you. Hanging out with him would be a thrill, sure. But it’s not smart without you guys. And I wasn’t rude about it.”

“I know,” Natalie sighed, picking up her drink again. “That was being stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

“Who knows? Maybe he’ll try harder now. Maybe he’ll even come over to you instead of ‘requesting your audience’!” Yua chimed in and snorted. “What a pompous thing to say.”

Natalie shook her head at Yua’s continued berating of the situation. “You two are too naïve for your own good.”

<> <> <>

Bryce returned to the table alone, much to Steve’s displeasure.

Steve narrowed his eyes, “Something wrong?”

“She said she was uncomfortable coming over without her friends because she doesn’t know you.”

Cocking an eyebrow, Steve said dryly, “And?”

“I’m not following, sir.”

“And why didn’t she just bring her friends with her?”

Bryce looked noticeably anxious at this turn of conversation. He stumbled, “Well… sir, I told her that you had not mentioned anyone else coming to the table. So… she then declined the offer.”

There was silence at the table. On Steve’s left, Tony’s lips ticked on a side as he tried to hide a full smirk by bringing his whiskey to his lips.

Licking his lips, Steve posed, “Bryce… did I say no one else could come to the table? Specifically?”

Natasha shot Bryce a coy look as she lit a cigarette. She was enjoying the exchange; she was not fond of him and never had been. She was curious why Tony and Steve even kept him around besides for his muscle. He was loyal; that was true enough. But he sure as fuck was dim.

“N-no, sir.”

Leaning forward over the table, Steve leveled him with a glare. “Get your ass back over there and invite her friends then.”

“Yes, sir. Of course,” Bryce said, before scattering.

<> <> <>

Steve’s breath was hot against your skin as he cradled you from behind. You had gotten preoccupied with looking at yourself in the full-length mirror outside his bathroom, fixing your hair, adjusting your breasts in your swim top. He had come up behind you, locking eyes with you through the mirror. His shirt was gone, and his bare skin caressed against yours as his fingers trailed down between your breasts, down your stomach to the waist band of your swim bottoms.

“You look perfect,” he whispered in your ear, nuzzling.

You had accepted his invination the second time his man had come around. Yua had been more than receptive to the prospect, Natalie following closely behind. She had gotten drawn in by Natasha, much to your amusement. Steve had been doting all evening, charming you with light conversation and compliments. Drink after drink until he asked you to come to one of the bedrooms, which is where you learned this was Bruce Banner’s house. Natalie had been too enthralled with Natasha’s beautiful eyes to notice Steve lead you away.

Turning around in his embrace, you faced him, arms draping around his neck. Steve’s hands trailed down the seams of your swimsuit before his fingers crept underneath, cupping your ass.

“I knew you were a good girl all the way across the pool,” Steve growled, rumbling low deep in his chest. Your hips moved with the way his hands floated across your sides.

Taking the reins – even for a minute – you pulled away, your hand trailing down his chest before falling away. You turned, walking towards the king bed, a saunter in your hips. Steve followed you like a well-trained dog, climbing on top of you as you laid back against the plush pillows. He rutted into you, his lips leaving bruising kisses against your jawline.

He gripped the hem of your swimsuit, yanking them down, and you finished the job by kicking them off. Traveling further, he brushed his fingers against your wet folds, his thumb brushing your clit. You keened, bucking towards him, desperate for more.

“For a minute there, I thought you were just trying to tease me for a thrill…” he said, trailing off. His fingers pressed in, stroking slowly and you whimpered. “But it looks like you were really looking for a good fuck.” He bit at your mouth and you dragged your teeth across his lips. He moaned in response. “You are a catch, aren’t you, doll face?”

You simpered at his old timey nickname, but you felt a rush at his attention.

Steve sat up, undoing the belt of his slacks and pulling out roughly, tossing it aside. His pants and briefs followed, kicking himself out of them. He pinned you to the bed, his weight pressing down on you. He trailed his lips down your chest, nuzzling his nose into your suit, finding your nipple and giving it a soft suck. You moaned lightly as his tongue swirled around, working you up. His fingers were back at your clit, stroking you in tandem with his eager mouth against your breast.

He only let you ride that rhythm for a short while before he straightened up, his hard cock brushing against your thighs. “Get on your stomach. Arch your back.”

You quickly obeyed, displaying yourself to him. He hummed in approval, running his thumb up your folds, causing you to shiver, before you felt him at your entrance. His cock slid in easily as his fingers wrapped up in your hair, yanking your head back to meet his eagerly waiting lips.

“Oh, I am going to use you all night,” he declared, his lips moving over yours.

You were surely going to be sore tomorrow.

Spent, you laid next to him, your arm draped over his chest in the tangled sheets. Both of your bodies were still covered in a sheen of sweat, but you were relaxed. There was a good ache between your thighs, one that you were going to remember for a long while. He sure was good in bed.

His fingers hooked up underneath your chin, tipping your head up to look at him. You smiled sensually in response, much to his arousal.

“Mhm,” he exhaled deeply, his fingers caressing your jawline affectionately. “You are going to give me a run for my money, aren’t you?”

He was talking like he was thinking this was going to turn into something more than a one-night stand. You played it cool.

“I wouldn’t say money per say, but… I’m sure to give you a run. An exciting one.”

“I look forward to it.”

Something about the glint in his eyes turned your stomach but you were far too comfortable wrapped up in his arms, the thrill of having him wrapped around your finger for the time being overriding any sense of caution.

[gins-potter]

Casting Thoughts

Yes, I did a long post when the rumours first dropped but hey now it’s confirmed plus we have characters descriptions, and I’m bored so let’s do this all over again people.  Under the cut because it got long

Sisi Stringer as Rose Hathaway

I said this in my other post but I’m pretty happy with Sisi as Rose.

Visually I think she’s a great fit, I love that they casted a WoC in the main role, and I think if she can bring Rose’s humour and sarcasm to the role, she’s going to do great.

The character description mentions Rose being “fiery and outspoken”, happy to jump into the action, and the strongest fighter in her class but struggling to toe the line, which is all very Rose-esque, especially in the first book.  It sounds to me like they have a good grasp on her character.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t hear more about Rose as a character since she is the lead - it felt like the descriptions for Lissa and Dimitri both gave us a little more to go on - but it is only a very preliminary description so I’m happy to wait for more.

Daniela Nieves as Lissa Dragomir

Daniele is another one who I was happy with straight away.

She’s probably not what I imagined for Lissa visually but that’s not a bad thing either; I will be interested to see if they dye her hair a lighter colour (like a caramel-blonde) but personally that’s not something I need to see for her to be a great fit for Lissa.

I think she has a very sweet face which works well for a character like Lissa but I think she’s also going to be able to stand up in Lissa’s more fiercer moments which is nice to see as well.

The character descriptions mentions her as being “carefree and kind-hearted” who “coasts” through life until a death in the family thrusts her into a new role.  That sounds a lot like pre-series Lissa so I wonder if we’re going to see a bit of that in the show before Andre (and her parents??) die and see that change.  

It’s curious though that she’s described as the younger sister of the heir apparent - which would be Andre - so it sounds like they’ve changed it so Andre was supposed to be King.  Obviously a deviation from the books but I don’t hate it?  I don’t think it would change Lissa’s arc all that much because obviously she was always going to grow up to be an influential royal figure, this just slightly changes the dynamics of it.

The description also specifically mentions that she’s uninterested in “political machinations” and the “hypocrisy of the moroi royal society” which sounds very accurate to book!lissa as well.

All in all I’m very happy with what they’re doing with Lissa.

Keiron Moore as Dimitri Belikov

This is one who’s really grown on me since the rumoured cast list started circulating.  At first I was kind of eh about him but I can really see him as Dimitri now.

I will be curious to see if he grows out his hair or not though.

As far as I know Keiron is not Russian, there’s not a lot about him online, but there’s some instagram activity on his account linking him to UK based companies so that would be my guess as to where he’s from.  They’ve kept Dimitri’s incredibly Russian name so I guess we’re to assume Keiron might be doing an accent and they’re keeping Dimitri’s backstory relatively the same?  I’m not gonna be super mad if they change it just because I think it’s doable for him not to be Russian (I know, I know a whole book is set in Russia but lbr here they could make him from anywhere and just send Rose there in that book).

The biggest thing for me will be his chemistry with Sisi, Danila and Zoey had great chemistry (imo anyway) which saved the move a little for me, so it’ll be important that Sisi and Keiron do as well.  They’ve interacted a few times online which is cute so I’m hoping they were able to do some chemistry reads and that will translate on screen.

The character description mentions Dimitri as being “lethal, disciplined, discreet, and totally committed” as well as living by “a deep moral code” but with more going on “beneath his stoic, watchful surface” which sounds exactly like book!Dimitri to me.

They don’t really specify what his role at St Vlad’s is going to be but they do mention that he is a guardian so I’m assuming they’re keeping some sort of age gap between him and Rose.  They also don’t mention anything about their relationship in the description, be it student/teacher, platonic, romantic, whatever, but they do say he has “an expansive spirit that could threaten to expose the underlying tension between his sense of what’s right and his formal duty to the Moroi.” which seems like a nod to their relationship.

Andre Dae-Kim as Christian Ozera

This was one of my favourite casting choices from the original rumoured cast list and I still love it.

The idea of a non-white Christian makes a lot of sense to me and I think Andre could do a great job of Christian’s aloofness (in the first book) as well as his sarcasm and growing confidence across the other books.

His character description confuses me a bit though: “Intelligent and thoughtful, Christian is the pariah of the school and royal court, due to his parents’ unforgivable societal sins.” sounds accurate enough to the book (although idk if thoughtful is quite the word I’d use for Christian - maybe they mean it in the sense that he’s quiet and keeps to himself?).

Even “Well-read and hungry for knowledge” doesn’t sound that far off, idk if he was *that* particularly studious in the books, but it doesn’t necessarily not make sense either you know?

But “he searches for faith-based answers and discovers a kindred spirit who is also looking for the truth” ??? My cynical, irreverent asshole Christian is now a man of faith? I’m assuming Lissa is the “kindred spirit” (again weird word choice but maybe they mean she’s feeling lost because of the death of her family?) but I just cannot see Christian as being particularly religious.

I’m trying to keep an open mind about these changes because you never know they might play out totally different on screen, but I really hope they didn’t make these changes, particularly that Christian is studious and religious, just because they cast an Asian actor as him (because they feel a little like Asian stereotypes).

J August Richards as Victor Dashkov

This is one that didn’t appear on the original rumoured cast list (as far as I saw) and it’s so different to his description in the books that I kind of don’t have an opinion about it as a casting choice.

I’ve never seen him in anything before so purely on a visual level I think he could be a great fit for Victor, I just think it’ll really come down to how he plays it.

As for this character description: “Victor is a Moroi noble vampire with a heart of gold who’s highly regarded for his role as advisor and political strategist to Moroi dignitaries.” as well as mentioning that he has intelligence and influence, sounds pretty accurate to the book.  Obviously if Andre was the heir to the throne, Victor had to be shifted out of that role, but I think his book 1 arc could still work if they wanted it to.

The “heart of gold” bit obviously made me chuckle and I really hope they threw it in there as a kind of decoy to throw non-book-readers off the fact that he’s actually the villain in book 1/s1.

As for giving him a husband and two daughters, my thoughts are: why the fuck not? He didn’t have a love interest in the original books and I’m always down for more lgbtq+ rep.  My only concern is it maybe playing into the trope of evil/villain characters being queer-coded.  And as for having two daughters, well as long as one of them is Natalie I don’t mind.

Anita-Joy Uwajeh as Tatiana Vogel

Okay this is the most bizarre one imo, not because of the casting, but just the character description.

I mean “Tatiana is a Moroi vampire and political underdog who slowly takes the royal court by storm. Motivated by love and a sense of justice, Tatiana has a unique skill of making herself seem of no consequence until we realize much too late that she was always the one to watch.” sounds extremely Tasha Ozera to me, so like why not just make this character Tasha?  Nothing about this sounds like Tatiana, and Tatiana wasn’t even a Vogel anyway (well Vogel wasn’t even one of the 12 royal families), she was an Ivashkov.

In terms of Anita-Joy herself, well I mean we don’t really have a character to compare her to, is she supposed to be more like Tasha or Tatiana?  She looks fairly young, so my guess is actually on Tasha, but we’ll have to wait to see I guess.

Mia McKenna-Bruce as Mia Karp

This is another one that I was instantly a fan of.

I was so not a fan of Mia’s casting in the movie (I can’t even remember who played her tbh but I really didn’t like it) so this Mia is a lot closer to how I imagine her.

I think she’ll be able to carry Mia’s transformation from bratty social-climber to badass fighter really well.

The character description is interesting though.  “Witty, cutting, and just the right kind of ruthless when necessary, non-Royal Mia has a long-term plan to social climb her way into the ranks of royalty, with all the privilege and freedom that entails.” sound pretty bang on to Mia in the first book.

“A plan complicated by her instant chemistry with Meredith, a Guardian-in-training, as Mia struggles to reconcile her attraction to Meredith with her lowly status.” is an obvious deviation though, and one I kind of love???  Give me all the queer rep, and if we get to see Mia confront the issue of comp-het I’m so here for it.  

It’s kind of funny though because I’ve seen theories that Meredith is a replacement for Eddie and Mia/Eddie has always been my sort of rarepair ship.

The last name Karp is weird af though.  Is she supposed to be Sonya’s daughter?  And if that’s the case I wonder if we’re going to actually see Sonya turn Strigoi in the show’s first season or something and that triggers the change in Mia?  Interesting concept but I’m not sure how the timeline will work.

Rhian Blundell as Meredith

So this is another new one, and tbh I hadn��t given Meredith *that* much though in the past but she’s probably close to how I would have pictured her which is cool.

The elephant in the room with this casting is that Meredith’s role in the books was relatively minor - she was just kind of that character that got brought up whenever R.M needed a dhampir who wasn’t Rose/Dimitri/Mason/Eddie.  So clearly she’s going to have a bigger role in the tv show which I don’t mind but I do wonder if we’re going to lose a character - probably Eddie lbr - in order to have her.  They haven’t casted an Eddie yet as far as we know, but I have seen it pointed out that Eddie’s role in book 1 was pretty small so maybe they just aren’t announcing it.  But there’s also the possibility that maybe Meredith will sort of replace Eddie and be the third part of Rose and Mason’s friendship.

I’m very interested by this part of her character description though, “She has little patience for Rose’s volatility or Mia’s elitism, and regularly calls both of them out.”

Jonetta Kaiser as Sonya Karp

I don’t necessarily dislike Jonetta as Sonya but I am confused by this choice.  She looks fairly young, which tbf Sonya was young-ish I guess, but if Mia is supposed to be her daughter she doesn’t look old enough to have a teenaged daughter.  So maybe Sonya and Mia are sisters? Cousins? Just have each other’s last names for no reason? I really don’t know.  They also look nothing alike.

Other than that, I don’t really have an opinion about Jonetta as Sonya.  Obviously looks nothing like how Sonya was described but that’s not new nor a massive concern for me.  

I can’t really tell just from looking at her, and I haven’t seen her in anything, if she would play a good Sonya.  I think with a lot of the characters it’s going to come down to the personality they bring to the part and the writing.

I looooooove her character description though:  “Quiet, careful and decidedly odd, Sonya is not of royal bloodline and sits out on the fringe of Moroi society, preferring to spend her time in the library or her gardens. Not a person who likes a scene, nonetheless she has a quiet but profound power of her own. She is taken by surprise when a Dhampir Guardian named Mikhail shows interest in her, a relationship that will expose both the brightest and darkest parts of her heart.”  It’s everything I would probably want from a description of Sonya and I’m more and more convinced that we’re going to see Sonya’s descent into madness and transformation into a Strigoi play out in maybe the first season which I am so curious how they’re going to work into the timeline.

Andrew Liner as Mason Ashford

Our last one and another one who doesn’t look remotely like his description but again? Not a surprise and not a problem for me.  He looks like he could play Mason’s goofiness really well as well as be a solid contender for a love interest for Rose.

“Charming, loyal and popular, Mason is Rose’s main competition in the quest to become the No. 1 Guardian-in-training. Though their relationship is casual on her side, he is hopeful she will finally look at him and see him as something more.” His character description makes a lot of sense, maybe him being Rose’s main competition is a bit of a deviation? But I think that’s more an indication that he’s supposed to be a strong fighter which isn’t inaccurate to the books.  The rest sounds great.

Other Thoughts

Descriptions of the show specifically mention friendship and classism as major themes which I am very happy to hear about because those are the two parts of VA that I love the most.

Am a little more worried about it being described as “sexy” though, if they shove a whole bunch of meaningless sex scenes in it just because it’s a YA show I’m not gonna be happy.

Seen the show compared to “Game of Thrones” and “Bridgerton” which at first had me like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck not good not good not good.  But thinking about it more and trying to understand where Plec’s coming from with that description I wonder if means similar to GoT as in the cut-throat nature of the Moroi/Dhampir society cause I can kind of see that.  And as for Bridgerton I wonder if she’s referring to the kind of social-climbing aspects of it, because again that makes sense and it seems like a theme she really wants to concentrate on.  I hope that’s what she means by those comparisons, or that she just wants to compare it to popular shows to get people to watch it.  The worst would be if she tries to throw in a lot of unnecessary sex scenes to make it like those shows, because I hate when they do that, especially when the characters are teenagers.

Interesting to hear that Plec has known about the series since before Twilight or TVD - not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Seems like it’s actually mostly (or all??) written by Marguerite MacIntyre which is interesting because I know people were worried about Julie Plec - I’ve never watched anything by either of them so I’m neutral at this point.

[awanderingdeal]

Hiii!!! I love all of your work sm, I was wondering if you would write more o’Darwin??? What about in the future of them finally getting to live together, no pressure at all though :)))

So, one of my big O'Darwin's HC'S is that it's not necessarily their goal to live together. I feel it's important to depict poly relationships in all their form including those that follow less traditional 'rules'. If you've read some of my other O'Darwin stuff, you might remember I've written Alex with other long-term relationships down in Florida aswell as short-term and hookups. Now, of course there is absolutely no problem if you want to HC them as living happily ever after in their nice little house together, it's just not something I imagine. This was my attempt at writing something that hopefully meets your happy O'Darwin desires. It ended up kind of emosh!

Rating: T

CW: mentions of career ending injury, food, small sexual joke,

Credit for these characters and the sweater weather universe goes to @lumosinlove

"And," Alex drew the word out as he placed the last of his roll necks into the closet. "Done."

"Finally. It only took 3 days." Kasey huffed from where he lay on the chaise-lounge, watching Alex unpack the last of the boxes he'd had shipped from Florida. "Did you and Finn take the whole of fifth avenue when you left the state?"

"I need options, and I don't see you complaining when I'm wearing the clothes."

Natalie scoffed, leaning against the door of the closet. "O'Hara, please. You'd look good dressed in a bin bag and you know it. Come on, I made breakfast."

"She ordered breakfast," Kasey laughed, hauling himself upright.

Parts of Alex had been accumulating in the apartment for years: the toothbrush in the bathroom; the drawer of clothing that held the things he didn't want to keep bringing back and forth, his mug in the kitchen, to name a few. Now though, it felt more permanent, more deliberate. A whole closet. The online shopping list updated to include his personal favourites, rather than just grabbing them on the way from the airport. Finding mail for him in between Kasey and Natalie's letters this morning.

"9 months! I can't believe we get you for 9 months," Natalie grinned, bending to squeeze Alex's cheeks and pressing her lips to his forehead before folding her legs beneath her onto one of the large cushions opposite, Kasey between them.

"You'll be sick of me in a week." Alex chuckled reaching across the low table to grab one of the acai bowls.

"If you keep leaving your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor then we will," Kasey hummed, sipping at his mug of dark coffee. If the steam rising from it was any indication then it was still incredibly hot, but Kasey didn't flinch. He cocked his head, inspecting Alex's face. "Seriously, how are you feeling about it?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm still working through it with Jacob, but mostly I'm focusing on the positives. I get to be here with you two and Finn whilst I finish recovering and I begin coaching at the college almost as soon as I'm back in Florida so there won't really be anytime to wallow in the misery."

"Are you miserable?" Natalie frowned.

"I think the not knowing was the worst part," Alex smiled softly. "Now that I know that I can't play anymore, it feels easier somehow. I always knew there was a possibility of something like this happening. All it takes is one bad hit, an injury that just won't heal -" Kasey rubbed his thigh and Alex reached for his hand reassuringly. "But the thought that maybe, just maybe, if I did everything right, then I could get back on the ice was driving me crazy. I could make a plan once it was final, y'know? I have a plan."

"Do you miss Florida?"

Alex paused, halfway through digging out the passionfruit from its skin. He glanced at Natalie, the tight lines around her eyes revealing the nervousness she rarely showed. "If you're asking whether I miss Kiran, then yes. I miss her. Just like I miss you when I'm there. There's no better. Just different."

"Fuck, I know, sorry," Natalie said, letting out a long breath. "I don't know what came over me."

"Oh no," Alex deadpanned. "She's having emotions. Someone call the press, Natalie Darcy might actually be human."

"Shut up, I hate you," Natalie scoffed, flicking a grain of puffed rice across the table at Alex.

"She loves me, doesn't she?" Alex whispered in Kasey's direction. "I bet she tells you all the time.

"You're both a pain in my ass."

"You wish," Natalie laughed.

"Maybe later," Alex chimed.

Kasey rolled his eyes, taking another bite of his egg sandwich without comment. Alex gave a contented sight. Tomorrow, Kasey would go to practice, Natalie would go to the studio and Alex would have to find some way to entertain himself that wouldn't leave him bored and depressed, but for today he just wanted to enjoy being with the people he loved.

[ur-favorite-queer-queen]

Internet Friends

For Maribat March day 4 theme internet friends

Master List

It was peaceful for once in the manor. Dick, Tim, Damian, Steph, Cass, and Babs were all in the living room doing their own thing. However peace cannot last forever and the silent atmosphere was interrupted by one Timothy Drake-Wayne. 

“Guys come check this out!” He exclaimed, his phone facing the others in the room. They all gathered around the phone, some more annoyed than others. On screen was a video and Tim hit play. 

It showed a girl with dark hair, blue eyes, and pale skin motioning for someone off screen to come over. There was music going on in the background and the girl was obviously getting impatient. The figure came on screen and they were all shocked to see it was Jason. Then at the top of the screen the words ‘Doing this trend with my overprotective best friend’ appeared and now they were very confused. Jason had never mentioned this girl before.

The music stopped and the girl repeated the lyrics “Look at my ass, look at my thighs” as she turned around. But before she could turn around Jason picked her up and carried her off screen before the video ended. 

“What was that?” Dick asked after a few seconds of silence. 

“It’s a trend on tik tok that girls usually do with their boyfriends, but in this case Jason and this girl are just best friends.” Steph answered. 

“How does Jason even know this girl?” Dick pointed out, asking the question that was on all of their minds. Unfortunately, no one, not even Tim, knew the answer. 

Cass then spoke up, “Watch more.” She grabbed Tim’s phone and played another video, however this time it was Jason holding the camera. He came over to the strange girl who looked to be baking something. She looked up at him weirdly, asking something that couldn’t be heard because of the audio playing, luckily they could read lips. 

‘What are you doing?’ She asked

Jason responded with ‘Just listen.’ 

She turned her attention to the camera as the lyrics “That’s my best friend, that’s my best friend” played. Jason was moving to the beat and that seemed to convince the girl to also move to the beat. The song continued with more lyrics playing “She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my best friend”. Then suddenly the lyrics “I just fuck her her from time to time” played and the girl whipped out her spoon and started whacking him on the head with it. She was screaming ‘LIES’ just before the video cut out. 

This led to them going on a spree of watching their tik toks. Apparently this was their shared account and both of them had separate accounts they planned to look at later. An hour had passed of them just watching their tik toks before they stumbled upon an intriguing one. The caption was ‘You guys asked for it, so I’ll explain. This is going to be my side of the story.’

It showed Margot, as they had found out her name was, sitting on her bed recording herself painting her nails a blood red as she talked. 

“Ok so you guys have been asking for this for a while so here it is. How I met Jason part one. And Jason will also be doing his side of the story, just so you’re aware, watch that after this. But this also takes place after the whole ‘Hawkmoth and Lila Incident’ so if you haven’t watched that storytime on my personal account, you should probably go do that.” 

One look at each other and they knew they were gonna look at the story afterwards. It was getting too good to leave now.

“So a long time ago I had a venting account on Instagram. Now I had many venting accounts, all with different usernames, including Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, all that good stuff but Instagram is where I met Jason. I posted something about how death could never stop me because I had died by the hands of an akuma before but ladybug’s cure brought me back to life. But then later on in the post I said something about how if this one boy, you all know who he is, couldn’t take a hint then I would rather let death take me than bother living in this mortal realm. Jason ended up seeing the post since we were following each other at the time and DMed me. Now he said and I quote ‘Yo, my username at the time, if you need me to come and beat this guys ass I would be more than happy too. I would gladly let death claim me as well without your shit posts to relate to.’” 

She had tried to make her voice sound deeper and had stopped painting her nails so she could do air quotes. “Looking back on it now, that is such a Jason thing to say, but at the time I was pretty confused and mildly concerned. And time’s up, part two will be posted right now.” 

“Wait, what the heck is an akuma and ladybug’s cure and why did she die from it!?!?!” Dick shouted once the video ended. 

“Dick you don’t know what she’s talking about?” Babs asked in disbelief. 

“Tt, Grayson, and I thought you were one of the smart ones in this family.” Damian scoffed. 

“Does everyone here, but me, know what she's talking about?” Dick questioned, getting yes and nods from everyone in the room.

“Okay Dick,” Tim began, “This is gonna be pretty unbelievable and complicated so I’ll try to explain it as best I can in a short amount of time so we can finish her side of the story before dinner. So while I’m explaining don’t interrupt me.” 

He waited for Dick to nod his head before continuing. “There are jewelry called miraculous that house mini gods that grant powers to whoever has the jewelry. Each miraculous houses a different god thus a different power. Miraculous themselves, including the gods bound to them, are neutral so they can be used for good or evil depending on who wields them. 

Hawkmoth and Mayura used the butterfly and peacock miraculouses for evil purposes and were basically emotional terrorists to the people of Paris. Hawkmoth was able to send out a butterfly with magic to a person feeling negative emotions and manipulate them to do his bidding. These butterflies and villains created by the butterflies were called akumas. If you were or became an akuma you were akumatized. Mayura was able to send out a feather with magic that also used negative emotions to create a monster that aided the akuma. The feathers were called amuks and the monsters were called sentimonsters. 

That was when the heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir also came along and fought Hawkmoth. Ladybug had the ladybug miraculous which granted her the power of lucky charm and miraculous ladybug. Lucky charm gave her an item needed to defeat the akuma and miraculous ladybug reversed all the damage a fight caused. She also had the task of purifying the akuma, turning it back into a butterfly. Chat Noir had the black cat miraculous which granted the power of cataclysm, which made it so he could destroy anything he touched. The 2 worked as a team for around a year before they brought in other temporary heroes who are not that important. Eventually all their temp heroes’ identities were outed and they could no longer use them so they were back to square one. 

However many people noticed that Chat Noir was not taking his job as seriously, he began sitting out battles, flirting with ladybug while there was an akuma, and even getting civilians killed, relying too heavily on ladybug’s cure. We’re not exactly sure what happened, we assumed she snapped because one akuma attack Chat Noir was not there. Instead, there was a whole new team of miraculous wielders including Murder Hornet wielder of the bee miraculous who had the power venom which let her temporarily paralize her opponent, Red Illusion wielder of the fox miraculous who had the power mirage which let him create illusions, Peridot Protector wielder of the turtle miraculous who had the power shelter which allowed him to create indestructible shields, Medusa wielder of the snake miraculous who had the power second chance which allowed her to reset the time line as many times as needed to win the battle, Mustang wielder of the horse miraculous who had the power voyage which let him create portals, and a new black cat holder, Midnight. 

The team took 6 months to defeat Hawkmoth and Mayura, who turned out to be Gabriel Agreste and Natalie Sancour. The Justice League tried to recruit them but they all wanted to live normal lives. Ladybug still checks in every 3-6 months to reassure everyone she still has all the miraculous. I don’t blame them, especially Ladybug, for wanting a normal life. This whole thing started when they were around 13 and ended when they were around 17.”

Tim then clicked on part two of her story, not even waiting for Dick to recover from the huge information dump. 

It was the exact same place she was at in part one, and she was still painting her nails the same shade of blood red. “Okay guys part two of how Jason and I met. If you didn’t watch part one go watch then return to this one. So picking up where we left off I Dmed him back and we ended up having a very long conversation about murder, people not understanding the word no, and spineless cowards. This went on for quite a while of us just messaging each other and eventually we gave each other our emails and then phone numbers. I gave him my phone number just before I moved out of Paris. After like 6 months of texting we planned to meet up at some park in New York that was near the apartment I lived at at the time. Now in hindsight that was a very dumb move on my part so to all the kids watching don’t go meeting up with strangers you meet on the internet. Do as I say not as I did. I almost regretted my decision to meet up with him because he is intimidating as hell! He’s like over 6 foot tall, with muscles the size of my head! I honestly thought that I had put myself in a very bad situation but thankfully he was just as nice in real life like he was over text. We ended up hanging out a lot more and long story short we’re best friends!” 

It was at this point that she looked directly into the camera with a glare that could rival Batman’s, stating, “Literally just best friends to all the people who think shipping us is okay!” And just like that, it was gone, “Anyways see you guys next video, bye!” 

And with that the video ended and the Wayne children, minus Jason obviously, were left wondering how they missed the fact Jason had a female best friend. One where they declared their friendship on the internet nonetheless!

“Well that was certainly something.” Steph commented. 

“Yeah, who knew Jason could have a non hero friend that we didn’t know about.” Tim joked. 

“So are we gonna watch Jason’s part?” Dick asked. 

“I don’t think we have time for that, but we can watch it after dinner.” Tim suggested, “Alfred is probably on his way to get us right now.”

“Tt, what do we do now?” Damian questioned. 

It was then that Cass stole Tim’s phone and started to play a new tik tok. And it showed Margot trying to teach Jason how to do the WAP dance. They were never letting him hear the end of this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am literally so sorry for that huge information dump with the miraculous. I did not expect to get that carried away while writing and by the time I realized it, it was too late and I had to post. Honestly because of how much I wrote I will probably use the miraculous holders names in a future fic, cause I’m lazy. :P Also if you wanna guess their identities feel free to! Anyways tomorrows prompt fic thing will be like a prequel for this one, it’s basically why Marinette now goes by Margot and why she lived/lives in New York. The prompt “Betrayal" will be connected to this as well. :)  Also sorry this was posted so late, I had things to do, that I still need to do...I hate procrastination

@maribatmarch-2k21

[reallivegeekgirl]

StanQuest

Something clicked on in my brain a couple months ago and suddenly Sebastian Stan became the hottest man alive. So I decided to watch everything he’s ever been in. A friend and I called it StanQuest.

Here are my spoiler-free reviews for anyone considering something similar (in inverse chronological order starting with latest works and going back in time. The stars are an overall rating of the work, not of Sebastian’s performance.

This only lists things I could find streaming for free or a price I was willing to pay. It does not count after credits scenes, music videos, or works in which he was uncredited.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021) - TV show - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - This started it all. I very much enjoyed it. Good balance of humor and action, heart and heroics. I’ve watched it four times already, and will watch it again. Bucky Barnes is my favorite character of his and this is my favorite story of Bucky's so far. I can’t wait to see what he does next. (And I have a lot to say about how they treat his trauma in this show. I’ve definitely written about it before and may again.)

Monday (2020) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐ - This is the one where he gets naked. If that’s all you’re looking for, enjoy. It was a very realistic portrayal of a relationship between two deeply flawed people. It can get depressing. But hey, penis.

The Devil All the Time (2020) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - If you think Monday is depressing, this movie says “hold my beer”. But something about it is just captivating. It’s really disturbing, and if you’ve ever been screwed over by American Evangelical Christianity it might be more disturbing. Still, I’ve watched it twice. And as much of a bastard as Lee Bodecker is, he also looks really cuddly. He’s just barely in it.

The Last Full Measure (2019) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - You will cry. A lot. It’s based on a true story. Sebastian plays a man who cares more about his career than this weird quest dumped on his desk by his boss, but changes his mind and his heart as he investigates why a war hero was denied a medal of honor 34 years before. Definitely recommend.

Endings, Beginnings (2019) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - One of two love interests in the complicated life of Shailene Woodley’s Daphne, Sebastian is an adorable mess. The editing is interesting and fresh feeling. Watch it and you’ll see what I mean. Fair amount of sex in this movie, and you see his butt. It’s a very nice butt. I’ve watched this one a few times so far.

Avengers: Endgame (2019) - Movie - ⭐⭐ - There is no reason to watch this movie if you’re not familiar with at least most of the rest of the MCU. It plays merry hob with the rules of time travel, and only makes sense if you don’t really think about it. In my opinion, the ending is really freaking stupid comsidering his character’s history, but at least it sets up TFatWS, which was amazing.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle (2018) - Movie - ⭐ - If you’re into movies that are creepy but also almost nothing happens for most of the movie, this is the one for you. Sebastian is handsome as hell, but also a complete asshole. As fine as he is, I’m not gonna watch this again. I fucking hated it.

Destroyer (2018) - Movie - ⭐⭐- I had a hard time paying attention to the plot because it seemed like they made this movie just to get Nicole Kidman an Oscar nomination for wearing ugly makeup and playing a complete mess of a person. It’s a fine movie, and all of the performances are good. Sebastian looks surprisingly good with the short hair and goatee. Ultimately, the plot is depressing and the whole movie seems kind of pointless.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - Movie - ⭐⭐- Again, no reason to watch this if you aren’t already familiar with all the movies leading up to it. It’s long and the villain looks like Grimace and a California Raisin had an evil baby. The ending made me scream with frustration that I had to wait until the next one came out. Now I just watch them back-to-back if I watch them at all. It’s not a good movie, but it is part of a long-form story that I enjoy in general.

I’m Not Here (2017) - Movie - ⭐⭐- Another depressing one. Told over the course of one man’s terrible life, it’s a sad account of how much your parents can fuck you up. Sebastian portrays the middle part of the man’s life. J.K. Simmons plays the current day part and unreliable narrator.. Do not watch unless you are fully prepared to be sad for a really long time after.

I, Tonya (2017) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐- This movie is hilarious. I mean, the true story is insane and really stupid. The spousal abuse is hard to watch, and Sebastian’s mustache in this is a war crime. But the acting is great and it’s a very engaging movie. The parts that aren’t horrifying are pretty funny.

Logan Lucky (2017) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Watch. This. Movie. Sebastian Stan is only in it a little, but it’s a really fun, clever caper/heist movie and everyone in it is fantastic. I don’t want to say anything else about it if you’re going in fresh. I’ll be rewatching this one a lot

Captain America: Civil War (2016) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - If you ignore how kind of silly the conflict over the Sokovia Accords is, this is a good Marvel movie. Sebastian gets a lot of screen time because Bucky is the more pressing concern/urgent point of contention than the Accords. Bucky is my favorite character of his partly because of this movie.

The Martian (2015) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - I’m watching it(again) as I’m typing this. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. Sebastian Stan isn’t in it very much, but he’s very cute and so is his little story arc. Mostly I watch it because Ridley Scott made a fantastic movie. If you can get your hands on the Blu-Ray, it comes with a ton of extras. They made a very complete story that isn’t all seen in the movie. A lot of it is stuff about Mars, but there are also extra “crew” interviews, so there’s another chance to see more of Sebastian’s character.

Ricki and the Flash (2015) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - He’s not in this very much, but he’s very cute when he does appear. It’s all about the relationship between Ricki and her daughter. Definitely rewatchable. Meryl Streep is fantastic, because she’s Meryl Streep.

The Bronze (2015) - Movie - ⭐ - This is not a good movie. It’s about Olympic gymnastics, so it might be slightly more interesting right now while the Olympics are happening. Sebastian isn’t in it a lot, but his performance is certainly… memorable. Weirdest sex scene I’ve ever seen. Worth watching just for that.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - This is the one I can watch over and over. I bought a Winter Soldier face mask for when I need to feel like a badass. Bucky’s story is really sad, but he’s also extremely sexy with the metal arm and determined walk.

Once Upon a Time (2012-2013) - TV Show - ⭐⭐⭐ - This show is so stupid, but it’s also fun. If you haven’t seen it, the premise is that fairy tale characters are real and live in another land. Snow White’s Evil Queen casts a spell to transport a bunch of them to a town she creates in Maine called Storybrooke, and gives them all fake memories so she can be mayor and watch them all not remember who they are. Sebastian plays Jefferson, a.k.a. The Mad Hatter. He’s in a few episodes in season 1 and 2, and doesn’t get a ton of screen time, but he’s really cute and tragic as Jefferson. It probably helps to watch the whole first season just to understand his episodes, but that’s up to your tolerance for weird shit. Note: IMDB says he’s in an episode uncredited, but I’ve watched it and didn’t see him anywhere in that one.

Labyrinth (2012) - TV Mini-Series - ⭐⭐⭐ - Two episodes that tell a complete story. Sebastian isn’t in this one a whole lot, but he is adorable. It’s a strange story about religious stuff and a sort of Holy Grail that’s three books. It’s hard to describe. It’s on Amazon Prime right now, but they’re taking it down August 8, 2021, so watch it while you can.

The Apparition (2012) - Movie - ⭐ - If you like horror movies, you might like this. I did not. From what I understand, it’s not a very good horror movie. Watch with caution and expect it to suck.

Political Animals (2012) - TV Mini-Series - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - I had to buy this through Apple and watch it on a Mac, but it was worth it. Sebastian plays TJ Hammond, the out gay son of a former American president who is clearly based on Bill Clinton. Sigorney Weaver plays the former first lady and current secretary of state. TJ struggles with addiction and relationship problems. His performance is heart-wrenching. The whole show is pretty great. I wish there was more of it.

Gone (2012) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐ - More of a psychological thriller than a horror movie. Sebastian has a small amount of screen time as the worried boyfriend. Amanda Seyfried is good. She carries the film well on her own.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - If you haven’t seen this yet, I’d like to know what it’s like under your rock. This is a movie I can rewatch a lot, and have. I 100% cried in the theater. Sebastian looks fantastic in uniform as Bucky Barnes. This is his introduction and the start of his ultimately tragic story (before he’s saved by his best friend, again).

Black Swan (2010) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Sebastian is barely in this. He’s basically just in one scene in a dance club. But I watched it to try to complete StanQuest, and I had seen it before. It’s a good movie, but might induce some nightmares, depending on what scares you. If Natalie Portman didn’t at least get a nomination for an award she was robbed.

Gossip Girl (2007-2010) - TV Show - ⭐⭐ - Carter Baizen is a little shit. The episodes with Sebastian in them might have made more sense if I watched the show from the beginning, but I didn’t want to. His character is an asshole, but a very cute one.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐- The people who made this movie are bad at math, and their rules of time travel are sketchy at best, but it is funny and entertaining. Sebastian plays a ski patrol bro who’s paranoid about the Russians, which is hilarious irony to me. Worth watching if you want to laugh at something dumb.

Kings (2009) - TV Show - ⭐⭐⭐- Sebastian plays Jack Benjamin, the closeted gay son of the king of a fictional place. It’s loosely based on the David and Goliath story from the Bible. Sebastian is so sad and so gay. His family makes his life a living hell. Ian McShane is a force of nature in this. It’s only one season. I’ve watched it twice. I will watch it again.

Spread (2009) - Movie - no stars - This movie was practically unwatchable. It stars Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche as a romantic couple, I guess? I ended up just skipping to Sebastian’s scenes and only watching those. Still painful.

The Covenant (2006) - Movie - ⭐⭐⭐ - This movie is so fuckig stupid, and I will watch it a ridiculous number of times. It’s about magic and teenagers, like The Craft for boys. Nothing about it makes sense. It’s terrible, almost irredeemable, but an evil Sebastian with magic powers is a siren song that will make me steer my boat right into the rocks.

And there you have it. There are a bunch of earlier things on IMDB that I just can’t find or don’t want to pay to rent. Maybe some day I’ll watch them and add them to this list.

[stydiaeverafter]

Ch2: Hidden Nightmares

Summary: Heather helps Ray through his nightmares but also worries about her own—her future.

Rated: T

Warnings: PTSD from the challenges of Panic

A/N: Thank you for all the kind words! I'm excited to continue this story between Nillhall. As much as I love writing from Ray's POV, I will be switching back and forth as the story goes on. I hope you all enjoy it!

Read on ao3

***

"I'm scared I'm falling in love with you." Heather could not get those words out of her head. They were floating alongside so many feelings that she couldn't ignore, even if she wanted to.

"I'm scared, too." It was the truth. Ray had been right. Since the challenge, everything frightened Heather. Sometimes she didn't know which way was up from down.

After she received the money from the Bagman, Heather was living in a constant state of anxiety. It didn't help that someone had thrown a scarecrow dummy at her car—a warning that Panic wasn't through with her, that she was being watched.

Though, she had been the fool and hadn't told anybody about it. Heather had wanted to wait to see if anything else would happen. Plus, she knew that Ray would freak, and she didn't want him going off the deep end, primarily because of her.

Besides worrying if someone wasn't through with her yet, the money would be stolen. The challenge was just beginning. Heather also thought about the relationship with Ray.

They were in the beginning stages of figuring out what this all meant between them. Heather had joked, saying, "We don't have to fall in love, Ray,"  but she realized soon after that the falling was inevitable.

Heather had been falling in love with him since he finally had opened up to her at the Player's Ball. Even though she had tried to push anything serious from her mind, fate had a different path for her.

Ray brought out a wild, not-so-sheltered side of her. It was fun, exciting, and new. Natalie, before leaving Carp, had warned her for the millionth time, saying men like Ray don't always change. But the problem was that many people didn't actually know the real Ray Hall. They saw what was surface deep—not the man behind the iron mask.

She was taking the time to really get to know Ray after so many years of witnessing the facade.

It had been almost a month since the game and surrounding herself around Ray Hall. Heather tried to keep digging to get to know him, even though they had difficulty keeping their hands off each other. There was a chemistry between them that was electrifying. She knew he felt it, too, as he would often tremble when they kissed.

They had hooked up a few times, still not having sex, and she was grateful he was willing to take it slow after what had happened at Graybill Manor.

However, Heather couldn't stop thinking about that. This part Natalie didn't have to warn her about. It was only the truth that Ray had hooked up with many girls and had since their freshman year. As she replayed Graybill Manor often in her mind, Heather still couldn't figure out why he had gotten so upset. Part of her whispered that it was because what was going on between them had been different for him, special,  and when she had said, "What's the big deal," it had stuck him in the heart. But was that the real reason? Maybe so, now that she knew he was falling for her. But would it last? In her mind, she was sometimes scared she was one of the many on his list, and when he was bored, he'd throw her to the side. However, her heart would beat, saying that was a lie. This man loves you. He'll wait.

Heather had fumbled a lie saying she wasn't a virgin, but the truth was, she very much was. She had wanted to wait for the right person and always thought it would be with Bishop. But they had failed romantically, and that was okay. Sometimes just being best friends was enough.

Being around Ray, her thoughts shifted, and more and more did she want her first time to be with him. But how could she tell him that? Unless he already knew. That man was perceptive.

She looked over at him, sleeping in the sun on his boat as she wrote ideas for her stories that would probably never be published. The way he encouraged her to write was as beautiful as watching the sun touch his face in the light.

His arms were folded, and his eyes were closed in a peaceful way. He looked younger this way, not the troubled adolescent who had been forced to grow up too soon, even though she knew exactly how that felt.

Ray truly was gorgeous, and she resisted the urge to run her fingers down his cheek. Instead, she gripped her pen tightly and continued to write.

Writing gave her purpose. The inner words, too scared to speak, found their escape into the world. Heather wanted so desperately to take her writing a step further. But to do that, college was a must. She had more than enough money, but part of her was scared to use it, and the other part didn't want to leave Lily or Ray. This hadn't been the first time Heather considered taking her sister with her, but could she give her the life she deserved? It sure would be a hell of a lot better than what their mom was giving them. But it was a custody battle she didn't want to play, even though she was 18 now.

That didn't stop Heather from still applying to the University of Austin, the place she always saw herself going. She looked back down at Ray, wondering how he would take the news that she had applied. Heather knew he had changed a lot from the boy before Panic, but would he be willing to do long-distance?

Her thoughts evaporated as Ray started thrashing around, whimpering in his sleep. She closed her notebook and made her way over to him.

"No...don't...don't leave me. Heather..." She froze at his words, wondering if he knew exactly what she had been thinking only seconds before. "No, help. No...."

Heather knew Ray spoke in his sleep, especially with his nightmares—the unfortunate pleasure of having a traumatic past—but this seemed unusual. Worse in numerous ways, especially given how Ray was shaking like a scared child.

"Ray! Ray, wake up." Heather shook his bare arms as he tossed around the small boat. "Ray!"

Finally, his eyes shot open, and he gazed up at her as Heather attempted to block the sun from his eyes.

"Heather?" Ray asked after a moment, sitting up slightly, his body covered in sweat.

"It's me. I'm here," Heather replied, bending down to gently kiss his forehead. "Are you okay? You were having another nightmare."

Instead of answering right away, he just gazed into her eyes as if he were getting lost in something that only he could see. Then all of a sudden, Ray shook his head and ran a hand through his already messy curls. "I'm fine. Sorry to worry you."

"How often are you getting them?"

"Nah," Ray shrugged, "it's not a big deal. Just my fucked up brain." He ran his fingers gently through her hair, a habit that had formed since spending so much time together. "No worries, babe."

"Ray, stop it." Heather gripped his hand tightly, and he froze, "Don't do that! Please don't push me away. It's a big deal to me if it's hurting you." She placed her palm against his warm cheek, and the facade disappeared instantly as Ray closed his beautiful blue eyes.

It still took a lot for Ray to be vulnerable, but he would for her. Sometimes though, it took a bit of convincing. Old habits die hard. She was working on letting someone in as well.   In her past, Heather had to be a closed-off box inside her own comfort zone—being with Ray expanded everything she knew. It was scary but worth it.

"I'm sorry," Ray responded, opening his eyes. "I don't mean to be an asshole, especially not to you. I appreciate that you want to be there for me. Guess I'm still getting used to it, though." Heather nodded with a smile, confirming that she understood the journey and making positive changes. He sighed deeply as he took her hands into his lap. "The dreams?" Heather bit her lip, waiting for when he was ready. "You. Lately, so many of them are about you."

"Me?" He nodded. Heather squeezed his hand, "Can you tell me what this one was about?"

Ray glanced up at her, with a crestfallen expression, "You left me again."

Her heart stopped in her chest—Ray must've known. Heather cleared her throat, "Left you how exactly?"

"It was the fire this time. I could see your lifeless body on the ground as we tried to do CPR. But...it didn't work. Just a reminder that even when I ran in to help you, I was the one who couldn't save you."

Heather gasped and held her breath, "You ran into Graybill?" He nodded with a sad defeated grin. "I had no idea. No one told me. Why didn't you?"

"Explain how I couldn't find you?" Ray shuttered, gripping her hands tightly. "You almost died, Heather; I felt like a failure."

Heather couldn't explain what that meant to her. He had tried to get to her, even if he hadn't found her. Ray had searched for her, even after their argument and him calling what had happened between them a mistake. They weren't a mistake; they never would be.

"It means the world to me that you tried, though. I hope you know that." He didn't answer her, so Heather went back to the dream, remembering to focus on the issue at hand. "But damn, I'm sorry you keep reliving it," she whispered. Heather scooted closer to him in the small space. "It was a close call, but I'm okay."

"I never know which one is worse. They're all fucking horrible." Ray let go over her hands and covered his eyes with a groan, "Last night's dream, you fell off the plank, right through my damn fingers."

"The challenge is over, Ray. We both made it out in one piece." Now was definitely not the time to tell him about the weird dummy being thrown at her car. She really didn't want to send him into a nervous breakdown.

"Maybe that's what Panic does to you, though, screws with your mind even after it's over."

Heather sighed, "But the nightmares are only of me?"

"Yeah, and I fuckin' hate it. I'd rather it be me."

She shook her head rapidly—Heather wouldn't want that...never. "No, don't say that. Listen, I know they're probably terrifying as all hell, but I'm okay. See?"

He nodded but didn't look at her. Heather could tell that Ray was still far away in that mind of his. "Ray, I'm here." Heather took his hands and placed them firmly on her shoulders. "Feel me. I'm not leaving you."

Ray finally peered at her. The look reminded her of the day he told her he was scared he was falling in love with her. "Promise?"

It was a double-edged sword making the promise to Ray. If she got accepted into UT, Heather would be leaving him unless he came with her, which she doubted he would. But she had to do something to alleviate his worries, at least for a little while. "I promise, sweetheart."

His lips were on hers before she realized Ray had moved. "I love it when you call me that."

She smiled at his words spoken against her mouth, feeling a small dose of relief. But as he kissed her softly, Heather felt like she could cry at the desperation behind it. As much as she yearned to leave Carp, she was terrified to say goodbye to Ray Hall—the man she loved.