#OH forgot to mention what makes it even worse is that zelda met him when he was like. 3. and is pretty much his big sister

[the-knife-consumer]

Working on my own zelda design...

[askharmonia]

Harmonia, Octavo & The Silver Mage Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Drift Away.

Krys reveals that she once knew Vaati from her past, and that she may be the reason he’s attacking Hyrule, so Harmonia and Octavo volunteer to help stop him while Zelda and Link get the civilians of Hyrule to safety.

‘Isn't that lovely? Isn't that cool? And isn't that cruel? And aren't I a fool to have, Happily listened? Happy to stay. Happily watching her drift... Drift... Drift...

...Away.’

“What do you mean he’s here for you?” Harmonia asked, confused by Krys’s statement. “Vaati did mention something about Hyrule taking away his ‘best friend’.” Octavo noted, “Was he talking about you?”

“Wait, he said what?” Krys’s eyes went wide in surprise before shaking her head, “Ok, you deserve an explanation. Several years back, before I started coming to Hyrule more, I used to use my magic to travel to different worlds as well as other kingdoms…one of these were the Minish World. Of course since they are so tiny, I had to use magic to change my size too. It was there I met Vaati, an apprentice to the Minish sage Ezlo. We quickly bonded over our fascination with magic and spells…”

 Several Years Ago…

 A flash of purple light appeared in the centre of the Minish village. A tiny Krys looked at her surroundings with a content expression, happy to be back in the Minish World.

“You’re late!”

Krys spun around to see a pale lavender skinned Minish with long lavender hair and bright red eyes and was wearing purple ropes and a small pointed hat. He had a pouting expression and had his arms folded while tapping his foot. “I’m never late, Vaati!” Krys grinned, “Everyone else is just too early!”

“That’s not how it works!” Vaati pouted. “Oh?” Krys tilted her head to the side, “I guess I’m too late to show you the new spell I learned.”

“Wha!? Nononono, I wanna see!” Vaati exclaimed, earning a series of giggles from Krys. “Okay, okay! Hold still for a sec.” Krys held her hands out and the silver marking on her forehead began to glow. Silver chains of arcane magic shot out from her hands and wrapped around Vaati before a silver arcane lock appeared on the front and a key briefly appeared in front of Krys before they disappeared. “Ok! Now try to cast a spell!” Krys grinned excitedly. Vaati held out his hand to cast a spell, but nothing happened, “H-huh?! Hey! Something’s wrong! I can’t cast anything!”

“Don’t panic!” Krys gave a reassuring smile, “That was ‘Dispel Sorcery’. It’s a spell that can prevent a magic from using any form of magic until the caster removes the spell.” Krys waved her hand as the key reappeared and floated over to Vaati. The lock reappeared, which was unlocked by the key and he chains were removed. “Aaand your magic’s back!” Krys grinned. “Geez…” Vaati sighed, “Don’t scare me like that, Kryssie!”

“Sorry!” Krys laughed, “You know I’d never get rid of my bestie’s magic, right?”

“Yeah.” Vaati smiled, “But please warn me next time you do something like that!”

“Haha! Okay, okay, I promise!”

 Present day…

 “But after that, something bad happened.” Krys continued, “I returned to Gemonykai, only to find the kingdom burned to the ground. I don’t know how or why it happened. Or who was responsible. I began searching the land for answers, but to no luck. And during my years of searching…I forgot about the Minish World…I forgot about Vaati…”

“Oh no…” Harmonia gasped. “I felt awful about it…and now Hyrule is in danger because of my dumb mistake.” Krys sighed before her solemn expression was replaced with one of determination, “But I’m going to fix it right now. I won’t let Vaati destroy Hyrule because of me.”

“Don’t blame yourself for this.” Zelda put a hand on Krys’s shoulder, “Vaati was the one who took it too far.”

“And you don’t have to face him alone.” Harmonia piped up, “We can help you defeat him!”

“I can round up my champions to help in the fight too.” Octavo added. “Link and I will bring the civilians somewhere safe, so nobody is hurt during the battle.” Zelda included, followed by a nod from Link. Krys thought about it for a moment before speaking, “Are you sure? Vaati isn’t some run-of-the-mill mage. He knew a good few spells back when I last saw him. I don’t even want to think about what he knows now. This will be a dangerous fight.”

“We’ve had worse.” Octavo smirked with confidence. “We took down Ganon. We can take care of Vaati!” Harmonia grinned. Krys nodded with a reassured smile, “Alright then. Let’s round up these champions of yours and find Vaati before he causes any damage. We don’t have much time so we gotta hurry.”

“Right!”

“Understood.”

 ———————————————————————

 “So you can bring these instruments to life as monsters?”

Krys accompanied Harmonia and Octavo to a large clearing in the forests of Hyrule, Harmonia being a bit behind the two carrying the instruments with her magic. “That’s correct.” Octavo replied, “They can revert into their instrument forms for easier transport and to conserve magic. I wouldn’t be able to do so if it wasn’t for Harmonia though.”

“How so?”

Octavo held his golden baton in his hand, glancing down at it fondly, “Harmonia gave this to me when we began performing together. She taught me how to use stronger spells and how to use magic to improve my performances. Before that, I was just an amateur sorcerer. She changed a lot for me…and after all I’ve done on top of all she’s done for me? I owe her more than I can give honestly.” Octavo didn’t notice but from behind him, Harmonia stared at him fondly, a small blush appearing on her face. “I can understand what it’s like to care about someone that deeply.” Krys added, a nostalgic smile on her face, “Vaati and I were almost inseparable during our time together. We were each other’s best and only friend. I was always alone during my travels and had no companions of my own. Vaati never had any friends during his time under Ezlo and was nearly always immersed in his studies. Whenever I visited the Minish World, it was like that loneliness never existed for us and it was just him and me there.” Krys expression shifted to one of regret, “When I stopped visiting…I can only imagine how much it must have hurt him. I felt so alone after I found out about the fall of my home…to say Vaati must have felt ten times worse would more than likely be an understatement. I can only hope I can convince him to change his ways.”

“I can see where Vaati is coming from, more or less.” Octavo placed his baton in a pocket on the inside of his coat, “Harmonia’s mother forbid Harmonia and I from seeing each other, but I managed to strike up a deal with her. If I could perform a heroic deed, I would be allowed to see her again. When I heard of the fate Hyrule would face 25 years in the future, I was so desperate to see Harmonia again that I went about it the completely wrong way and made everything worse and ended up on a power trip. I bet Vaati is feeling something similar. And if Harmonia and her friends could make me see the error of my ways, I’m sure we can do the same with Vaati.”

“That does give me some comfort.” Krys smiled, “Thanks. I really appreciate you guys coming with me. It’s a lot easier to face this with company rather than alone.”

“It’s no problem!” Harmonia grinned, floating up beside the Silver Mage, “So where do we find Vaati?”

“No worries…” Krys frowned as she felt the wind pick up and a small tornado appear several feet in front of them.

 “He’s found us.”

[aheartofwood]

the king arthur movie is SO BAD, guys.

imagine a baby and a kitten got together and tried to edit a movie with only the vaguest idea of arthurian legend based on the backs of the VHS of the disney version and also the lion king for some reason, and also the barest idea of how human brains can accept and understand editing and narrative. imagine a pretty good video game opening for 2001, but watched thru the haze of a really strenuous flu and it’s rented and ancient and was chewed up by at least two dogs so it’s glitching a lot. imagine a knight’s tale……………Reimagined™ (needlessly) by a team of randos who only speak italian and their ideas are being translated by jen from the IT crowd in that one episode where she pretends she can speak italian. imagine a movie with a budget of four dollars (except the budget was HUGE). imagine an opium dream within a dream of robert downey jr’s 2009 sherlock holmes where jude law becomes a boring, leathery king who has a bad habit of constantly sacrificing the silent women he supposedly loves to an undulating pile of lovecraftian horror water ladies that live in his shame toilet in his penis tower basement ONLY to super saiyan into a really bad DnD dude with a motorcycle-insignia-metal skull head and the torso of two The Rocks smashed together (sorry, The Rock) instead of (a much better) watson. imagine eragon, but somehow exceedingly, fremdschamenly, schadenfreudingly worse. not many things get both german expressions, in a gleefully terrible adverb form at that, but this movie——oh, THIS movie——-deserves them. 

the letters of the opening credits roll (or creep?) across the screen. the kerning is bad. all the T’s have a phallic, buffylike, sword motif going on and it renders the names unreadable. the colors and the blurry shots look like something out of monty python. again, who hired this editor? who watched this movie, kissed their fingertips like an italian grandma, and gently set this eldritch horror adrift on the tides of eternity to be received with fear and loathing by millions of human eyes? the elephants from lord of the rings attack the bridge from legend of zelda, and that red flamey eye guy from eragon (mordred, for some reason, in a shake n bake wig) ?? or possibly from inkheart?? is defeated. remember, we know nothing about these characters. feel nothing for them. and the trend continues. katie mcgrath appears, of course, in her standard and splendid emerald green, and then immediately dies. none of the shots in the first 20 minutes of the movie match up, we go from scenes with several people to ultra close ups of faces—-it’s like the “mmmm whatcha say” SNL skit, but serious. the movie continues to not know if it’s playing itself seriously or if it knows how bad it truly is (how bad me be?)

finally we get ONE establishing shot of a sweeping wall (maybe? the camera never stays still enough to tell) and the audience (five people) grounds ourselves, sort of. we get a whip-fast, but not whip-smart, super evolution of arthur’s childhood, in which he shoves coins into a wall (see kids!!! if u just put YR COINS IN YR WALLS instead of BUYING GODDAMN AVOCADOS, U COULD HAVE A CASTLE!!!!) and hearkens back to his character in pacific rim, bc he’s just a scrappy, vaguely appropriative white guy that loves 2 fight stuff. oh, his mom is killed when he’s young ofc. charlie hunnam eventually fucks off to the island w the sword in the sort-of stone (none of the physics makes sense in this movie?? the sword in the stone dropped into a lake, but is now in a chasm on a different island which shows no sign of the ruins of arthur’s childhood town?? in the final fight scene, charlie hunnam is several floors up from scythe-y jude law, but then suddenly they’re fighting on the top of saruman’s tower  scuse me at the whipping sea-level, then suddenly BACK IN THE TOWER bc i guess it wasn’t destroyed????? bc then it gets destroyed again??) of course, charlie hunnam is the One Man who can Grip the penis sword, even though in an interesting turn of events, They are Testing Everyone by shipping them in boats to the island (this seems like an egregious waste of resources). charlie hunnam got in this unfortch sitch bc i forgot, but the guy who put him on the boat chuckled darkly and said he was “”””getting on a different boat””””, but like, doesn’t everyone end up there?? it had the air of the DMV, on purpose, so why was this a threat? how did he avoid it for so long? are there that many people in the kingdom??? also, if i was him i’d straight up pretend i couldn’t lift it tbh and come back for it when They were getting donuts. oh, another inkheart thing—the BLONDE MOM SURVIVES (!!!??? somehow???? unexplained? she had a HOLE THRU HER BODY??) and maybe has memory loss or something and spends her days being somehow indispensable to jude law despite doing nothing but moving a plate. 

i cannot explain the rest of the plot, because i do not understand it. charlie hunnam just EXPERIENCES things with a world-weary, almost kingly worldliness, despite flashing in between being an innocent farm boy who doesn’t wanna do anything and a self-assured wisecracking hustler. there are some good jokes about boring white dude names in a medieval setting, and no more humor forever is allowed in this movie or any movies ever again. a chris parnell lookalike with a hat says he can shoot 75 yards but not 175, then shoots 175 with absolutely no introduction/buildup/continuance/jokes and spends the rest of the film as robin hood. there are some other dudes?????? more women (the brothel ladies that rescue arthur from the river ((not unlike….the prince of egypt…..)) are killed to further manpain, including lucy, who is Special for an unexplained reason. jude law murders his daughter (i guess???), who has a russian name and a tendency to sit around and stroke birds and stare sappily out the window (i feel u, johanna). everyone is wearing medieval versions of suits. there are many iterations of snake, ranging from economy-sized snake to a Giant Fuckmaster Snake Mother. at least five cloaks are cast off. eric bana becomes a literal rock. everything has the vague, shuddering feeling of an improv show where everyone wants the final word/bit. there is grit, there is dirt, there is snake blood, and there is clanking. so much clanking. charlie hunnam is bravely hurling one-liners but no one is listening. what is the sound of only one hand on excalibur???? apparently not as powerful as…………T W O hands on excalibur. 

the editing continues to be bizarre. they keep trying to do the inception thing where they talk about the plan while showing the plan, therefore (in inception, correctly) allowing us to get to the good parts, but there ARE NO GOOD PARTS or even parts at all and they don’t fully commit to the dang method anyway. the shining light of the film, an unnamed mage woman with good bone structure and sweet harem pants (and who COULD have at least been set up as morwen but was not) who can possess animals and also make a lot of dust fly around behind her, becomes charlie hunnam’s spiritual guide?? sort of?? maybe love interest??? she seems to have no interest in him or inhabiting the worldly narrative/plane of this movie. i do not blame her. anyway, she’s got the eagles from LOTR on her side. she dopes the shit out of charlie hunnam (again, why) with a literal snake and he solves his daddy/uncle issues (line @ jude law: “”””you created me”””””) in an incomprehensible nonlinear part of the narrative (she was captured, but i guess jude law let her go before hunnam got to the castle???? bc he’s Not So Bad After All? bc he was bored? eating a sandwich? fuck idk so she could have met him in the middle of fuck knows? i mean if they have medieval lyft or medieval twitter DMing or something??)  also, he may or may not have gone to a ””””””DARK””””””””island, but he did NOT solve his daddy issues there. he did, however, fight some rodents of unusual size from the princess bride. 

ok that is all the energy i have; this movie has sapped me, i am nothing in the great maw of its terribleness. other stuff happens. we have a happy ending, with 4/6ths of the Round Table built (literally and figuratively), and some Vikings conceding to charlie hunnam for no other reason than he’s a bro, i guess. line: how do u scam money out of a viking? u talk to them. SEE MILLENNIALS ALL U HAVE TO DO IS TALK AND PPL GIVE U MONEY or be born the true heir to the throne of (fake england). 

the worst part is that i don’t understand how jude law, who is 44, looks the same the entire movie and watches as charlie hunnam, who is 37, grows up and eventually challenges him. eric bana, who is 48, doubtlessly had fictional charlie hunnam arthur at like 27-35, making jude law the same age in that fiction. i guess men can just ???? play any age????????? forever??????? honorable mentions: the soundtrack, jude law’s eyeshadow, and the preview for atomic blonde. 

[botwriter]

Rewritten, Chapter 2: The Rito Champion

Read this on Fanfiction.net  ➜ I added music this time! Click the lil music notes for themes from Breath of the Wild’s original soundtrack. :) 

♪

Rito village had always been one of Link's favourite places to visit. His mum took him on occasion when he was younger, and while he could never keep up with them, as a child he got along famously with the other younger Rito. It was incredibly welcoming, peaceful, and a bit on the cooler side, which Link appreciated. It was different visiting now, as if he was on… business… or something of the sort, not a vacation like usual. Zelda's white stallion slowed up ahead as they crossed a variety of wooden bridges, the surefire sign that your trip to the village was nearly at a close.

"Well, we're here," Zelda said redundantly, casting a look at Link over her shoulder as they hopped off their horses before the last bridge. Link responded with a thin lipped smile and a nod. ...yep.

"You've met Revali already, but I want you to talk to him one-on-one. Maybe you can get along better now that you're an Appointed Knight." There was no mistaking the slightest of sarcasm in her tone, and although it stung a little bit, Link kept his shoulders loose. Water off a duck's back. He highly doubted that Revali would be any easier to get along with; in fact, him having gone through that dreadful ceremony the other day was just more ammo for the bird to fire at Link, rapid-speed, of course.

"I'm going to go say hello to a friend," Zelda said suddenly, and for the first time, Link caught her smiling. "Revali said he'd be here, so maybe try looking for him from the landing? I'll catch up with you two shortly."

And she was off. Dress flowing behind her, she turned quite fast and headed across the bridge ahead of him. Link watched her for a moment, not bothering to hide his disappointed look, but followed anyways and headed up the steps towards the landing. It was a beautiful day outside; it usually was in Rito Village, but now that Link had a higher vantage point he could really appreciate how soft the wind was, and the view of Totori Lake. Vah Medoh, the giant bird beast, was soaring slowly through the sky in a circle around the pillar Rito Village was perched on.

It wasn't long before the wind below him picked up in an unusual way; a dead giveaway that Revali was on his way. The Rito shot up into the sky above Link, spiraling through the gale, and landed delicately on the wooden railing ahead of him. Without a moment to lose, the bird began talking.

♪

"Impressive, I know. Very few can achieve a mastery of the sky," Revali began, looking down his golden beak at Link. The bow on his back shone in the sun, clean as ever, and despite Link's reservations about the Champion, he couldn't help but admire the weapon. Ritos always made the most beautiful bows. Revali had said something else about how amazing he was at creating that updraft, but Link had only just begun listening again. Revali had a tendency to… go on. And on. The boy finally perked up when Revali mentioned Ganon.

"Are you listening? With proper utilization of my superior skills, I see no reason why we couldn't easily dispense of Ganon," he repeated himself, hopping down from the ledge and waving a navy wing in front of Link's face. The Hylian brushed away navy blue feathers. Revali rolled his eyes and began to circle him, slowly.

"Now then - my ability to explore the firmament is certainly of note, but let's not - pardon me for being so blunt - let's not forget that I am the most skilled archer of all the Rito."

Revali was so close, Link was worried he would see the cringed look the Hylian was wearing. Yikes. He was stunningly full of himself, but with how many Ritos there were, Link knew as well as he did that it was the truth.

"Yet despite these truths, it seems I've been tapped to merely assist you," Revali continued, hissing his last word and moving until he was standing directly in front of Link, wings clasped behind his back. "All because you happen to have that darkness-sealing sword on your back. I mean… it's just asinine," he continued, sighing and shaking his head. As much as Link wanted to mouth off on him - and he could, Zelda wasn't around - he kept quiet. Despite Revali's egotistical character, that was some truth in what he'd said. As of now, Link didn't know why the sword had chosen him. He had spent a little time meditating with it, but not much.

"Unless…" Revali's eyes flicked sideways, focusing on the boy, and he moved closer, "you think you can prove me wrong?"

The falcon's face was uncomfortably close to Link now, but he stood firm, staring back at Revali's piercing green gaze. It was intimidating, to say the least, but the Rito seemed to revel in seeing the concerned look on Link's face.

"Maybe we should just settle this one-on-one. But where?"

It was painfully obvious that Revali was setting Link up for something he knew he couldn't succeed at. A flying race? An archery test? His voice was a dead giveaway, but worse, the Rito didn't seem to care.

"Oh, I know - how 'bout up there!"

Standing back, Revali swung his wing around and up, gesturing to Vah Medoh, glittering in the sun. Link glanced up at it with a bored expression, then returned his focus to Revali, who knew he had already 'won.'

"Oh, you must pardon me! I forgot you have no way of making it up to that Divine Beast on your own," he laughed, in as condescending as a voice as he could muster, and at this point Link could hardly keep himself from blurting out, "I didn't choose this!" because any misstep, any dissent, would just make things worse for him. Revali prepared for takeoff, shooting Link a smug look over his feathered shoulder, and shot into the sky towards Vah Medoh.

"Good luck sealing the darkness!"

Link only watched him for a moment before sighing and turning, just to see Zelda approaching from the other side of the landing. How long had she been listening?

"I thought you were going to make some effort to at least get along with the other Champions," she said with a frown, though it was obvious even she knew it was too much of a request to ask him to befriend Revali. The Rito had made up his mind - he didn't like him. All Link could do was let him speak his mind.

"I get along fine with the others," he replied suddenly, and then was taken aback at how brazenly he'd just spoken to her. Zelda looked equally surprised, but he couldn't tell if it was a good or bad surprise, and quickly bowed his head, focusing his gaze on the wood below his feet.

"Well, that's… good. Then I'm heading to Goron City next. I want to make some adjustments to Vah Rudania," Zelda replied curtly, folding her arms uncomfortably. "Good to hear you actually have a voice," she added, glancing up at him before turning and heading back down the steps. Link appreciated what she said, but at the same time it made him all the less inclined to actually talk. It was clear she didn't like him. Hopefully it would just be a matter of time before they got along better.

♪

Zelda hadn't left for home that night - instead, she stayed at the inn, most likely so she could make a one-day-trip to Goron City the next morning. Link couldn't sleep, and that night, he laid on the wooden landing, legs dangling over the edge as he stared at the stars. He could still see the inn from where he was, and Rito Village was quiet and safe with the squadron of archers nearly always circling it, so he didn't have much to worry about in terms of Zelda's safety.

"Ooh, someone's stargazing?" a familiar voice sang, and Link looked back to see an upside-down Revali walking slowly towards him. He returned his gaze to the stars.

"You didn't make it for our one-on-one at Vah Medoh," the bird sighed, and to Link's surprise, the Rito took a seat next to the Hylian Champion. "So that would mean Revali one, Link zero."

"Yep," Link responded quietly, "congratulations."

"Oh! So you do speak, Hero? Why so few words, hm?" Despite Revali's usual condescending tone, there was a tinge of curiosity in his voice now, and Link took enjoyment in at least having some mystery over the Rito Champion. He smiled a little, and didn't reply. He could feel Revali looking at him in confusion.

"Strange for you to have been chosen as the Princess' appointed knight, don’t you think?" Revali asked, shaking his head. "The King may as well have appointed that sword alone, if that's why you're such a big deal."

"I'm not a big deal," Link replied calmly.

"No?" Revali countered, shooting a sharp glare at Link. "You're not, are you? Just the individual solely responsible for the Princess' wellbeing. Just the one the Master Sword chose, so you can strike down Calamity Ganon? You're Hyrule's Hero. Wrong as always, Link!" The Rito retorted, smug as ever.

"Gosh, thanks, Revali. I didn't know you thought of me that way," Link replied quickly before he could help himself, a sly grin on his face as he looked quickly back at the Rito, taking in the surprised expression as fast as it disappeared off the other Champion's face. Revali narrowed his eyes for a moment and then let out breath of laughter.

"I suppose I can let you have a just one last laugh… before this calm disappears. And believe me, it will," Revali assured him, standing up from his perch, stretching briefly, and meeting Link's gaze again. "Remember, if you don't keep her safe, you have my bow and I to answer to," he said dismissively as he walked away, waving one wing and keeping the other behind his back. Link took a deep breath and nodded to himself. He'd have many more to answer to, but the Rito was right. Revali probably would be the one to kill him if he let anything happen to Zelda, after all.