#Ok Jesse and Petra didn’t come out super great I’m not good at drawing them

[coconut530]

Stephpotterdrawtober & 31 Days of Nevermore Day 9: Thing & Bell

[minecraftoworymode]

newtons third law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and so while doodlingcubes has created an incredibly valid and stannable human reuben i, master of sin and the dark arts, have created the most invalid and questionable human reuben

below the cut is something of an explanation for how this trainwreck happened hghfdlghldkfh

so like romeo creates most if not all of his own problems right? he’s a disaster who sets himself up to have a terrible time constantly and keeps getting nerfed because he blames things not working on others instead of looking at his own behaviour. this is canon piece of evidence 1/2.

reuben can handle himself faced with an armed opponent (to borrow from the tvtropes bc im too lazy to find a clip, “If you choose to say nothing when Reuben has been kidnapped by a butcher, Reuben will give you a brief Disapproving Look before proceeding to beat the crap out of the butcher himself.”). this is canon piece of evidence 2/2.

ok. so.

five seconds into playing saints row IV i started coming up with an mcsm au for it bc the thing practically writes itself, with jesse being the boss and romeo being that zenyatta guy or whatever. and i was having a great time pairing characters until i got to the matter of the boss’ best friend, this guy johnny guitar, who was such an impressive warrior that zumba had to imprison him several years before sr4 started just to make sure that earth’s biggest threat wouldn’t stop him from invading. and like. jesse has a lot of friends, but the one character they actually repeatedly refer to as being their best friend is

this lil guy. and i was like. ok i cant make johnny cash reuben, that’d be weird. but i can’t not make him reuben. 

BUT THEN i had a jimmy neutron-style brainwave that ended up spitting out this (in my au the choice of champions wasnt petra and jack but rather radar and jesse- this is from the jesse line)

THE ADMIN: you know, i couldn't help but notice that- despite the loads of fun we've been having- you've been looking a little glum. so, i decided to find you a little something to cheer you up!!

JESSE (ohhh shit here we go again) (awkwardly and strained): listen, admin, the first fifteen laser swords were really cool but-

THE ADMIN, poofing a stage with curtains covering it into the room: (weird shushing noise a la “abedup”) can i get a drumroll, please! (he rolls the r in drumroll bc hes extra like that) (he gets a drumroll, obviously, though there are no visible drums)

THE ADMIN (announcer voice like in the challenge room): he's pink, he’s big, his lack of co-operation got him turned him into a pig, iiit's your best friend-

(the curtains pull open, revealing a very confused, very pink, and very beefy human facing the wrong way and looking like he just got pulled out of a fight bc he's fuckign ready)

THE ADMIN: reuben!!! :D

JESSE, trying not to cry because now they miss their friends even more: uh... (why does this keep happening) i- thanks, really, i really appreciate it but- reuben was a pig?

THE ADMIN: (melodramatic sigh) do you really think i'd make the same mistake hadrian did? (jesse starts- they hadn’t been expecting him to know so much about the details of that particular adventure. of course he couldve just read lukas’ book (which he did) but it still takes them by surprise) this is the real deal, jesse.

REUBEN, turning around: ... jesse??

(jesse and reuben make eye contact, like in that one trope where they just KNOW it’s the other person- jesses like ‘id recognize those soulful eyes anywhere.’ n- well, jesse’s jesse, but both dont really dare to hope that it’s true. still, the admin is grinning widely, looking super pleased with himself even as reuben stumbles forward and pretty much collapses off the stage)

REUBEN: the- the witherstorm, it- where is it? we have to-

THE ADMIN, waving his hand: hah! don't worry your pretty little head about that, champ- er... champ. (very short awkward pause ok MOVING ON FROM THAT) jesse here managed to slay it aaall by themself! oh, you should've seen it, it was SUPER epic-

JESSE: wait wait wait, you're- you're telling me THIS is reuben?

THE ADMIN: the one and only! (fondly) he was a real hero back in the day- almost as promising as you are, jesse! only... very, hmmm... disobedient.

(shot of the admin and reuben looking at each other. there is A History here.)

THE ADMIN: 'course i couldn't bring myself to just kill him, so i decided i’d turn him into something so cute and harmless no one’d ever want to cause him trouble! (proudly) and more importantly, he wouldn't be able to cause trouble for himself. (laughing, but kind of through gritted teeth) because he was very, very good at that. (pause) and it worked, (off to the side) up until you dragged him into a fight he had no business being in, (back to jesse) but it all worked out in the end, didn’t it! (laugh) maybe i should try this ‘being generous’ thing out more often.

REUBEN: THAT'S what you call-

THE ADMIN: anyhow, i'm sure that's all water under the bridge now, 'ey? it’s not often i respawn people, you know, so if i were you i'd make the most of this second chance and not muck it up. (meaningful, threatening pause) well, i'm sure you two've got a LOT to catch up on, so i’ll leave you to it. toodles! (vwoops away)

n jesse and reuben are both like

anyway im not sure he actually would look just like johnny gat but @simple-mooshroom-herder​ told me to draw it anyway so here we are.. thanks for coming to my tedtalk hgldhflghdlfhg