#Okay listen I know a lot of people hate Monokuma (some of my own friends included) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

generous1ty · 3 years

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could you write for nagito x reader with depression? thank you so much <3

aww, hey anno, i hope you're doing ok!

personally, these kind of requests are ones that i love to do! as someone who struggles with very similar symptoms, it's something i can relate to very well. i hope that this can bring comfort to you, even a little bit. :)

thank you for requesting, lots of love. <3

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LIVING

genre: comfort/fluff warnings: gn!reader, takes place during the SDR2 killing game, overall depression symptoms/depressive thoughts, we’re mean <3 well more like easily irritable and aggrivated-- also the plot is everywhere i’m sorry this was literally off the top of my head in the time span of i-don’t-know-how-many-days and i really don’t like it but-, there’s no established relationship either since it feels weird for there to be romantic stuff in a killing game to me?? but like,,,, pining works so well,, SORRY FOR RANTING IN THE WARNINGS OMG but i swear there is fluff in this i promise word count: 1.93k

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the sight of the plain, white ceiling was a familiar one to you.

the feeling of nothingness, the fear of being empty, the overwhelming thoughts that would constantly wrack your brain, and the ones who were screaming at you to get up.

yet, no matter how cruelly they screamed at you, your body would not respond-- it was painful, it hurt to move.

you don’t quite remember the last time you were out of your cottage-- you don’t remember if you had went out of your cottage at all during this past week. you also didn’t know how many times a certain somebody would come to visit you while you laid in your bed, still staring at the ceiling in a sour disinterest.

even though you’d rather be watching a movie or doing a simple hobby, you knew not even that would produce any results for you.

it was just you, and the sight of the plain, white ceiling that was painfully familiar to your eyes.

knock, knock, knock!

the gentle taps on the door--from which you assumed were knocks--had made you sigh. you weren’t up for visitors- you weren’t really in the mood to talk in general, but you had known who was at the door.

you pushed your voice out of your throat, rolling over to your side with a groan.

“...come in.”

although with your face turned to the wall, and although he had been greeted with the sight of your back, he would speak in a soft tone. you could hear the soft noises of his feet carrying his frail body as they got closer to the bed.

they stopped, and the shuffling of his clothes had processed in your head before something was placed on to the floor. you assumed he was crouching right now, and that if you had forcefully rolled onto the opposite side of your body, you would be at eye level with him, staring into light green eyes that glowed with... hope. you think.

“good evening, [Y/n],” he greeted, not expecting much of a response back, “I brought you dinner and, like before, I won’t leave unless you wish for me to.”

your head tilted slightly left, your gaze being met with a boy with messy, white hair that seemed too fluffy to be real, a soft smile on his already too soft features, and understanding eyes that pulled you into a tight embrace.

yes, this wasn’t the first time Nagito Komaeda had barged into your room. --well, to say he barged in was an overstatement.

the first time he had entered, he hadn’t even entered. he stood out on your doorstep, a few feet away from you as he delivered food to you on a small tray with several plates on the doormat in front of your door. the setting sun and hues of gold glowing in his eyes shone brightly on his pale skin, giving him and almost majestic, angelic look to his thin frame.

“an ultimate needs their nutrition to fully function properly. though, i’m sure you don’t need someone like me telling you that-- and you probably would rather go back to doing what you were doing other than talking to a nobody like me --but i couldn’t help but notice you weren’t with everyone today, so i brought you a tray of food in case you got hungry, that’s if you’d take such an offer from me,”

he faltered for a second, but you stayed silent as to let him keep going. his friendly grin as he spoke had taken off some of the gravity of his words, and his welcoming tone had made you feel a bit more relaxed.

“of course, you can just tell me if you want me to leave and not talk to me at all, if you’d rather do so- that’s completely understandable. please don’t feel obligated to take things from disgusting garbage like myself either. if i were you, wouldn’t want to get my hands dirty as well.”

your lack of response was what he took as his cue to leave, feet shuffling against the planked floor in a backwards manner--to get out of your sights, mainly. he had opened his mouth to apologize, but you had done that first-

“sorry,” you muttered. you were quiet, but Nagito could hear despite the challenge in volume, “i didn’t mean to trouble you, really.”

you bent down and took the tray in your hands, handing it back to him in a subtle manner. he was.. stunned? shocked? he couldn’t express his words like he normally did- it was an odd feeling, really. to be speechless.

“thank you, but...” you had trouble looking him in the eye. you wanted to do everything but look him in the eye, “i really don’t deserve this, and i don’t have much of an appetite anyway, so your efforts would be wasted. i’m sorry.”

“don’t apologize--” his voice was a bit abrupt, bringing your actions to a harsh halt, “you have nothing to apologize for- if anything, i’m sorry for bothering you!”

his voice, despite it’s volume, was kind and understanding. it was soft and brought a sense of security to you-- like you could feel... safe with him.

“i was hoping you’d keep it, since you didn’t show up this morning either. i was thinking in the case you hadn’t eaten, so i brought a few more plates than what everyone else ate.” he gently pushed the tray back to you with a smile, and your gaze had went down to stare at his long--and beautiful--fingers, “i think you should take it-”

he closed his eyes as he smiled, “unless you don’t want to?”

your gaze had stayed on his hand, and once he noticed your gaze was directed at them he had taken it back. he avoided your gaze and held his fingers in the other hand, “ah, apologies- they’re not very pretty and if you’d like another tray i can go back and bring one to you in gloves since my disgusting fingers had dirtied them.”

for the first time in this conversation, you had looked up. although the effort was minimal, Nagito could feel your effort. his chest tighten with your movements.

“i think they’re beautiful.” his grip tightened on his hands, “thank you.”

you slowly closed the door with a small smile.

his heart was pounding against his chest, he could feel it. it was loud inside his ears and prominent in his ribcage. he hoped you didn’t hear it- he hoped he didn’t embarrass himself during that interaction. he hoped that it would be okay to keep doing this, over and over again, to make sure you were okay.

yeah, to make sure you were okay.

“how many times have you done this, Nagito? you know it’s useless, i barely eat,” you huffed, chest dropping rapidly from the exhale.

“if you want an exact number, this is the 19th time i’ve come into your cottage to deliver you food, in short 2 weeks and 5 days.” he answered, gently tapping your shoulder so you got the memo to turn around, “and i’m just making sure you’re doing alright, since no one else will unless asked. i’m pretty sure they think you’re plotting their deaths.” he let out a breathy chuckle.

“let them believe what they want.” you had slowly gotten up, groaning and letting little exhales escape your nose before sitting up properly on the bed under you. it was uncomfortable not having anything to lean on. “who or what they villainize is not my problem. they’re just idiots. all of them.”

“now, now, i don’t think that’s a nice thing to say.” he placed the tray on the bed, looking at you as if to ask for permission to sit on the mattress with you. you sighed and changed your position on to the wall, making room for the man to sit. he smiled. “after all, they are ultimates like you.”

“that doesn’t have to do with anything i said.”

“they harbor just as much hope as you do, so their thinking isn’t flawed at all. and neither is yours, no matter how much i disagree with it. since, i don’t really have a say in interfering with what you think.”

you nodded slowly, leaning your head on the wall and looking outside. luckily, your cottage wasn’t one of the ones stuck in between houses-- whether Monomi or Monokuma made that intentional or not, you didn’t really care.

it was beautiful out, as the stars made their way into the sky, painting it bright yet somber colors. it gave you a nostalgic feeling that lit up in your chest and refused to go out. with your silence came Nagito’s as well, staring out the window with you.

“don’t you think this whole thing is useless?” you asked, blinking mindlessly, “making us kill each other and stuff, creating motives for us to do so and having class trials to eliminate each other even more. there’s no point in doing any of it-- being suspicious of each other and villainizing people.”

“i mean, if i’m going to die anyway, there’s no point to leaving this cottage. or making friends. or talking to you or anyone else.”

your gaze had wandered into his, in which were staring at you in mezmerized adoration. your eyes held pity, sorrow, sadness.

“you don’t have to keep doing this, seriously. you don’t have to come visit me, or give me food i won’t eat, or talk to me, or listen to me. i’m just going to die anyway.”

“i just want to.”

his words startled you. the words that left his pretty, pink lips had given your heart a small surprise-- but to say you hated it would be a lie.

after all, all of Nagito’s actions were of his own accord.

it’s not like you ever forced him to-- nor did he feel obligated to, either. maybe at first, but he always came back-- no matter how many times you reassured him when he watched you eat in your cottage to make sure you had something for the next day.

he always came back. not because he felt like he had to, but because he wanted to. he wanted to check up on you, he wanted to see you.

but to Nagito, he just wanted you.

maybe it was your mild vulnerability towards him that had drawn him in at first, but to him, he just wanted the entirety of... you. he wanted to get to know you, to shelter you, to hold you. of course, those would never happen-- not in a lifetime, but he was grateful he could even be this close to you.

so to hear you say those words-- those words of “it doesn’t matter” or “i’ll die anyway”--his heart became heavy because of those words.

i mean, he had also been there before, after all.

with the many cuts and turns his luck cycle would take, it would eventually spiral into a deep depression. he didn’t know what caused yours, but he did hope he could alleviate some of it. that was what Ultimates and Hope’s Peak had done for him, after all.

he didn’t know if he was mixing up the feelings of romantic need with the need to help you mentally, but he just wanted to be. he wanted to be, with you. he wanted to live, with you.

“we all die someday,” his words felt heavy on your chest, “but i want to live with you.”

and your chest felt a little flutter in it that evening.

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