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#One Punch Man AMV NO TURNING BACK
jonicker · 3 years
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One Punch Man AMV NO TURNING BACK
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dangdiggitydang · 3 years
Text
rotbtd tag game
i was tagged by @hobie-brown :D
this could get long...
name/nickname? mags! my favourite one atm is magatron
how did you get into rotbtd? saw some fanart on google images while i was perusing through the httyd fanart as a ten year old and never looked back. deviant art and youtue amvs became my vices after that.
what made you stay/come back? httyd 3 actually! even though it's my least favourite of the trilogy, it made me so nostalgic for rotbtd. also the content now is so much better than it used to be imo.
out of the four movies, which one is your favourite? httyd1 definitely. i think its the most well written and constructed (tangled is a close second) and the soundtrack is amazing. while i think brave and rotg aren't as narratively strong, they have the same heart and loveable characters as the other two. tbh, i thoroughly enjoy watching all of them
dreamworks dragons or rapunzel’s tangled adventure? i ADORED rob and dob and i used to watch it episode by episode on abc3, but i haven't gotten around to watching all of rtte yet. tbh...i don't like the characterisation in rtte very much, something just feels off about it. character and plot wise, i don't have anything against rapunzel's tangled adventure, but some of it gets boring and repetitive after a while. this is a long winded way of saying i prefer dreamwork's dragons, but just rob and dob ig.
which one do you prefer to be made a sequel of, brave or rise of the guardians? like @hobie-brown said, disney should not be trusted with merida or any of her family. that being said! a rotg sequel would be a dream come true!! there's so much lore and world building that needs to be explored!! i have so many questions. how did the other guardians die? they mentioned the groundhog, are there other spirits?? are there different ones from other cultures?? and obviously there's will joyce's series to take inspiration from as well. imo, a series would work better to explore everything. (also give me a pitch black redemption arc. i LIVE for the villain-turned-awkward-relative trope)
otp/brotp(s)? my otp is hiccstrid and i think eugene and rapunzel is one of disney's most solid romances so there's that. jarida!! my beloved!! tbh, i was indifferent to jarida until like three months ago but now i cannot stop thinking abt them. in terms of brotps? all of them. literally any. the best thing abt the rotbtd revival is the lack of ship wars and the realisation that all of them have wonderful and distinct chemistry between any other member of the group.
favourite characters? httyd and brave were my gateways into this fandom, so i guess hiccup and merida?? but i actively kin rapunzel and jack has so many unexplored character traits beyond Ice Themed Bad Boy That Pulls Pranks. idk man, don't make me pick.
favourite au(s)? BAND AU. OMG i LOVE BAND AUs. @risoris made an awesome band au and a fic to go with it and i think i cried when i saw it. some of my other favourites are: office aus, superhero aus or camp counsellors aus (which @ven-finn has drawn art for ;))
pick one! favourite b4 house placement in hogwarts au? im not as into hp as i was before bc of reasons but my headcanons for house placements are: hiccup - ravenclaw, rapunzel - gryffindor, merida - slytherin, jack - hufflepuff
pick one! since this is 2021, any hot takes you want to give us? | what old fanon tropes that you still enjoyed to this day? hm. i think old fanon tropes were frustratingly heteronormative and surface-level. some hot takes... umm
when merida's old and her kingdom's passed onto her brothers or her heir (if she has one), her retirement plan is to go live in the woods and become the resident cryptid.
any aus that take away hiccup's disability is yuck.
i mentioned this in an earlier question, but jack has SO MUCH character beyond the basic bad boy arcetype everyone placed him in during early fandom. like, the boy needs therapy but not in the way wattpad boys need therapy y'know?
in general, i think old fandom lacked a lot of nuance when it came to the characters, especially when they were all together so im glad that's starting to change!
in a modern au, raps would DEFINITELY be on art tiktok. like those mirror painting trends and the cottagecore aesthetics remind me so much of her.
everyone thought that jack would play hockey bc he's ice themed and everything, when in fact 1) he uses his staff much more like a lacrosse stick than a hockey stick and 2) you think that twink isnt the resident smart ass who makes fun of the sports people at the risk of being punched in the face?
any fic recs? or if you couldn't think of any, what was the last rotbtd fanfiction that you read? the last one i think i read was @risoris 's 'Like A Fist In The Eye' which is a jarida soulmates au but with a twist that they hate eachother. it's only got one chapter and they haven't met yet, but im in love with it. a few i'd recommend are:
we cannot be friends (cannot pretend it makes sense) which is a platonic merida and hiccup fic with added hiccstrid and lesbian merida
Jack Frost and the Shadows of Van der Bor which is a jarida hogwarts fic!
im tagging @risoris and @therearedragonsindunbroch if they haven't already seen/done this!
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recentanimenews · 4 years
Text
Why AMVs Remain A Crucial Part Of Anime Fandom
  If you go to YouTube and search for "naruto amv what ive done linkin park," the results go on and on ... and on. YouTube doesn't really do the "Go to next page" thing anymore, instead opting for the modern, popular "infinite scroll" technique, but by the time I got done sifting through people's attempts to combine Sasuke with the main theme of the 2007 Transformers film, the little scroll bar was just a tiny sliver and my browser was steadily slowing down, begging me to end the pain. By the end the results had become a bit blurry, not just because I had found multiple Naruto AMVs set to Puddle of Mudd's "Blurry," but because the dam had burst, giving way to anime adaptations of Linkin Park's whole discography.
  It's this way for a lot of major songs and major anime series. Let's try out a few. Ummmm, how about "lmfao party rock anthem one piece amv"? Check. What if we searched for "somebody that i used to know gotye bleach amv"? Check. Next up, let's dial in "closer the chainsmokers my hero academia amv"? Check. OK, for the last one, let's see "bad guy billie eilish demon slayer amv"? CHECK. 
  So, obviously editing anime clips and setting them to popular songs is a long and proud tradition. If YouTube was around back in 1986, we'd probably be able to find "fist of the north star on my own patti labelle amv." (Please, someone, cut that one together.) But why is it so popular, aside from the euphoric knee jerk response of "Oh man. I LOVE this anime and I LOVE this song. It's like peanut butter and chocolate!"? To put it simply, I think it comes down to a mix of self-expression and analyzation.
    The first one is obvious. You're editing together various clips in a way that flows seamlessly when arranged to music. When the bass drops, Luffy punches some goon. When the slow guitar floats in, you fade into a picture of Naruto sitting sadly on his little swing. When the rap interlude drops and Pitbull begins shouting about Miami, you do a bunch of quick cuts that turn into a montage of Goku being generally awesome. And when the chorus bursts in, the two fighters' fists collide.
  It's creativity applied to someone's already creative work and shaping an effective one is harder than I'm making it sound. If a clip goes on too long, you may as well just turn it off and go rewatch the show. If it's just a flurry of iconic shots with no real structure or rhythm, the viewer will probably back out and find another AMV. Though you're doing different jobs for different results, your AMV has to be edited with the care that was taken to edit the anime itself. 
    AMVs also allow people to specifically evoke the themes of an anime that they feel the strongest about. A lot of Naruto Shippuden is about people coming to terms with their actions, good or bad, and then figuring out how to pursue a worthwhile life afterward. So, of course, a song about "what I've done" is going to feel like a natural extension. I searched for the general "one piece amv" and it immediately led me to a bunch of Water 7/Enies Lobby clips set to a cover of "Holding Out For A Hero" (Shrek 2 soundtrack REPRESENT). That's pretty apt, too: Nico Robin has decided that she is worthy of life and so the Straw Hat Crew is gonna rescue her to help her preserve said life. I also wondered what something like Berserk would give me, and I found one set to White Zombie's "Super Charger Heaven." Not too much of a leap to see how a song about a "devil man," souls, and demons could apply to Guts. 
  These are just a few examples, but no matter your taste in music and your taste in anime, you'll likely be able to mix and match them and find corresponding emotions and motifs. 
  It's an exploration of subject matter that proves that you don't need to pen a lecture-style essay in order to illuminate the importance of a story. And it's the reason why the best AMVs hype you up so much. Because when it comes to your personal feelings on a certain series, the song GETS IT and the creator of the AMV obviously GETS IT. It's fandom in its purest form - people sharing their enthusiasm with one another. And in an age where you can display your love of something on a place like Twitter only to get a thousand replies of "Um, no. You're actually wrong for enjoying something that way," AMVs are more necessary now than ever. 
      In short, AMVs are an important contribution to the worldwide anime community, providing an outlet for creativity, critical thinking, and joy. I hope they last just as long as anime does. So ... forever. I hope we get Naruto set to Linkin Park until the sun devours the earth.
  Have you ever made an AMV? Which anime series has the best AMVs? Let me know in the comments!
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      Daniel Dockery is a Senior Staff Writer for Crunchyroll. Follow him on Twitter!
  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!
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scenarios-on-ice · 8 years
Text
Y'ALL KNOW ME
(We are outgunned)
WHAT!!!
(outmanned)
YOU HEAR IT?!
(Outnumbered, outplanned-)
DISTILLED SPIRITS!!!
(The greatest man woman in all of the land of tumblr)
PLEASE RISE FOR YOU QUEEN
LUNA
(…what? Ok, don’t worry about the cinnamon roll who did absolutely nothing wrong, somebody on the wiki clearly made a mistake. TG traumatized me with many things these past few weeks but Kaneki disappearing/recieving a ‘fatal’ injury isn’t one of them. He has plot armor, remember? Worry about Urie instead. 
Like in the latest chapter we literally saw him talking with Amon and he was totally fine
I almost screamed when I saw that page
I’ve been waiting so long for them to meet again)
I’ll try to find My Shot again and I’ll let you know when I do! I don’t have much time on my hands at the moment…
Oooh, Armin-Eliza and Mikasa-Angelica do work really well! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that ^^;; Armin and Eliza both have that ‘looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll but could still kill you’ thing going on lol
(I’m personally a fan of Eremika; I couldn’t see Eren ending up with anyone else in canon, though I do like to ship him with Annie…I’d also like the idea of him with Historia if Yumikuri wasn’t one of my OTPs.)
You’re right, Erwin does behave more like Hamilton in general (a more mature version of musical Hamilton or just historical Hamilton), Eren’s not an idiot but he’s still nowhere near Ham in terms of intelligence. I do think Eren fits with Hamilton better in some ways than Erwin though- like his temper, hardworking nature, determination and that bad habit of never knowing when to shut up.
I can just see Eren’s horrified face if someone ever told him to talk less and smile more.
I wanted Levi to be the Burr to Eren’s Hamilton but thinking it over, I realize that while it doe fit I can’t see Levi shouting ‘we’re reliable with the L A D I E S’ in the middle of a crowded ballroom (Levi is also more of a ‘shut up when you need to but when you do have something to say, be honest’ kind of person than a ‘talk less, smile more’ type). So now I want Jean as Burr for Eren. Like, it’s not the best casting ever, but I see some distinctly Burr-like traits in Jean and his rivalry with Eren is very similar to the Burr-Hamilton relationship (only more friendly and less murderous).
(Imagine Jean singing Wait for It and during the line ‘And if there’s a reason I’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died’ Marco’s face flashes across the screen
Or wait, maybe just Marco as the older Theodosia and then Dear Theodosia (reprise)…)
(Like I said above, I agree with you that Levi is a more Burr-like character but younger!Levi is a Hamilton in some ways. Hurricane could be his theme song, only instead of 'write my way out’ it’s more of…you know…fight my way out)
But now I have a harder time deciding who I want as Angelica…I personally prefer Annie or Ymir because Angelica is a witty, sharp character who probably would have gone into politics if people weren’t so sexist back then, and I can see Annie or Ymir bantering with Eren while Mikasa is a more stoic character who lets her actions speak for her. But then, if Jean is Burr I live for the idea of Mikasa brutally shutting down his attempt to hit on her during The Schuyler Sisters (sorry Jean)
(Ok one last time but I really do think Historia’s and Eliza’s character arcs are really similar in some ways)
Oh seriously? That’s so cool! I’m not sure about my acting skills because I’ve never really had to use them…as for singing, I’ve never had any training but I’ve been told I have a good voice. Not anything amazing but apparently it’s nice to listen to? I’m not sure but a lot of people have told me that so. Maybe it’s not too bad XD my rapping skills are pretty average, I think.
Plot twist:
I’d play Peggy.
*gives hugs*
*gives rainbows*
*gives unicorn*
(Idk why I wrote that don’t ask
Seriously though congratulations for getting through that night)
Conspiracy theory:
Your phone and shuffle are plotting to expose you and make you actually admit and accept your feelings
They’re evil
They deserve to burrn like Hamilton’s love letters to Eliza
OK, found the My Shot AMV! It’s by Katherined on youtube ^^
And btw, there’s also an AoT AMV for Aaron Burr, Sir now! The casting isn’t too great in my eyes (they reversed our casting for Levi-Burr and Erwin-Ham, and while I do think Levi is similar to Ham in some ways LMM’s enthusiastic voice paired with his ‘I’m dead inside’ face is weird XD also, Armin is Lafayette in this video? Mikasa is John? The only thing I agree with is Eren as Mulligan…and Armin’s horrified face at 'WHO ARE YOU’).  But the editing is good and it is pretty funny (I take back the comment about Eren as Mulligan being the only casting choice I agree with; there’s also Mike as the Bursar Levi punched)
Mikasa’s scenes at Trost combined with 'these redcoats don’t want it with me’ is kinda accurate though
THOUGH, IN REVIEWING THE INCIDENTS OF MY BEING AN ADMIN OF A BLOG
I AM UNCONSCIOUS OF INTENTIONAL ERROR
I AM NEVERTHELESS TOO SENSIBLE OF MY RANDOM HIATUSES
NOT TO THINK IT PROBABLE THAT I MAY HAVE DISAPPEARED COUNTLESS TIMES
I SHALL ALSO CARRY WITH ME THE HOPE THAT MY FOLLOWERS
WILL NEVER CEASE TO VIEW IT WITH INDULGENCE…
OH, I see! I’m glad about that ;-; I keep forgetting that Kaneki won’t die no matter what. I mean, we also thought that Armin died and look what happened.
Soooo, what happened to the cookie?? He’s one of my favs in tgre, he can’t die! Or will he just turn into a full one-eyed ghoul?? 
;-;
Yeah, I got the link! It wasn’t that nice, to be honest… I mean, I’ve seen a lot better amvs :/
Yeah, Eliza would absolutely murder you if you badmouthed her. But I think Peggy is even worse ;-; I mean, didn’t she scare off people treating her with an axe at one point? That’s just crazy…
True, Eremika seems to be what we’ll get from the manga and I don’t mind at all, tbh. I’m more of an Armin and Annie shipper. Idk why, don’t ask why. YUMIKURI IS THE CUTEST THING EVER. After this is over, marry me!
Erwin has Hamilton’s ambition, but he’s not as hot-tempered or impulsive, thankfully. When I imagine a compulsive Erwin, I get shivers ;-; It’d probably be a nightmare to have him for an enemy. But Com. Eyebrow’s calm is also scary in itself. I mean, the fact that he’s able to lead so many soldiers (including himself) to their death, voluntarily, is terrifying.
Eren has Ham’s temper and determination, but I think he’d rather fight Bert again than having to ‘write his way out’. That’d probably be a nightmare for him… He’d get so insulted if anyone ever told him that XD
Levi fits Burr in many aspects, but I think that the ones he doesn’t share with him are bigger in number.
I think I’d cry from laughing if I ever saw Levi shouting ‘we’re reliable with the L A D I E S’ Even though their relationship isn’t the best fitting, I agree on Jean-Eren for Burr-Ham. I think Jean has enough salt in his head to know when to shut up and he’s pretty willing to do stupid shit to achieve his goals. Only I don’t think he’d murder Eren ;-; I mean, no matter how much they fight, it’s all in good spirit. I think.
*pterodactyl screech* why do you adore toying with people’s feelings so much?? It’s like that ‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine’ comic I saw for JeanMarco (and HideKaneki for that matter). I did nOT cry.
Levi does fit Hurricane quite a lot. Well, with the environment of the anime, I think a lot of the characters can connect to hurricane, which is actually quite depressing… Only the ‘I’ll write my way out’ would change for every individual person.
All three of them would make amazing Angelicas! Why not three Angelicas? That seems like the easiest answer hahah I think Annie is a bit too emotionless and deadpan for her… So, technically, Ymir would be best one? 
But as you said, Mikasa being like ‘Jean, you disgust me’ would give me life. Also, imagine the trauma when she’d find out Eren (Ham) has been killed…
Historia is Eliza, confirmed. BUT WOULDN’T THAT MAKE YMIR ALEX??? WE HAVE NEW HAM!AOT!!!
Oh, that’s pretty cute ^^ I was in puppetry, so I don’t know how well I’d do in actual acting, tho ;-; I’d love to hear you sing one day :) Yeah, I can’t quite rap either. I’d say I have a more of an ability to speak really quickly than actual rap skills.
You’d be the best peggy ever
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My shuffle is usually quite evil… Like, it gives me Say No To This right after Helpless. Or Congratulations after Satisfied and so on. And sometimes, it goes on a sad song streak. It’s mean ;-;
I shall never admit my feelings! Well, I’ve admitted them to myself, but I don’t plan on confessing anytime soon, since I’m a potato who’d rather stay forever alone than potentially embarrass myself :)
Aaron Burr, Sir is an amazing amv. I really liked the editing, even though Burr Erwin and Levi Ham are a bit different than expected. Imagine this: Levi saying the line ‘I was chosen for the constitutional convention!’
Mikasa will kick anyone’s ass, it’s been confirmed. Mikasa is kickass.
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junketsonasadplanet · 5 years
Text
A Field Guide to Journalism
The Fourth Estate - journalism - is a central pillar for modern democracies now that the internet age is no longer a “flash in the pan,” research tool, or means of communication but instead an entire digital alter-ego for a generation. A means and medium of expression; a boundless, dangerous sea new to human experience whose swift movements change our perception of information. More placid waters no longer entice, the slow-moving panopticon of democracy’s policy-making needs to be translated and emphasized against a torrential flood of amusement.
Start by making a Twitter account. No one uses Facebook for news, only fucking boomers use Facebook. “I use the ‘Book,” some fucking boomer is saying while wearing sandals and flipping a burger on the grill, “it’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” A CNN editor rubs their hands together. That’s what they’ll run with, “the ‘Book is how today’s grandparents stay in touch!”
That’s perfect because CNN/FOX/MSNBC - pick your poison they’re basically the same - are competing for the main demographic of long term coma victims and retirement homes leaving the channel on the TV in the day room. “It’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” is echoing under humming fluorescent light to an audience of failing kidneys, lung cancer, and stroke victims who are staring at each other. Imagine knifing two Vietnamese in a tunnel and forty years later you’re getting abused by your Dominican nurse who steals your pocket change and slaps you when you don’t take pills. People don’t hate boomers because they ran the planet and economy into the fucking dust they hate them because they’re pathetic.
We’re still talking about how to find a good news source so hang on. The generation of unbridled wealth and power fucked up everything they touched and are slackjawed now staring at the desert of reality, either that or Facebook. Your grandson OD’d because he mixed Oxy and Everclear? Hit that share button saying you’ve got an angel waiting for you in Heaven. People shit themselves when they mix like that. Imagine an Angel in its gown with shit running down its leg. CNN doing 24/7 coverage of Zuckerberg during the Cambridge Analytica trial in Senate with a well-hidden earbud. Now look concerned. No, little more deeply concerned, avoid some eye contact and unfocus your eyes while staring at the ground. Okay, now start to look determined. Look at the Senate - do not smile - look at each Senator in turn and tell them you are taking action to prevent fake news from spreading on your platform.
Zuckerberg is taking classes on how to look more human/relatable, catastrophically failing. We had to get a remote operator with a Berkeley M.S. in psychology to feed him cues. The dude cannot understand how to express emotion. It’s crazy. We tried showing him shock footage and he got a hard-on. A full blown mast watching a guy get beat to death with bricks.
Zuckerberg cannot convey basic human emotion and gets a boner knowing he employs vast amounts of people whose only job is to screen “offensive content” on Instagram and Facebook. Contractors in Phoenix, Arizona, some in Hollywood, Florida and Austin, Texas who are paying rent watching cartel executions and child porn. Automated systems immediately flag undistorted footage so the uploaders distort it or create new footage. If you’re reading this and waiting to hear about modern journalism then so is a contractor now watching the same footage of someone get their head beat in.
At the Phoenix branch of Facebook, Inc, they have a sign for “Days Since We Saw the Funkytown Execution Video” that never goes to 1. Some ingenious motherfucker will reverse the video or overlay it into an anime AMV and upload to Instagram while tagging every “social influencer” he can. I spoke to him once, he told me the most popular was “Redbone but you’re Mexican” where the Funkytown song in the background as they hack a man’s hands off while injecting him with methamphetamine so he can’t pass out so his stumps try to touch his face while some cartel goon peels the skin off his head is instead replaced by the muffled sound of “Redbone” by Childish Gambino.
Facebook is breeding an ingenious mutt race of some very efficient serial killers, conspiracy theorists, but mostly of people who will claim PTSD and join lawsuits against the Zuck so they can claim peanuts while the tort lawyers bring half a billion home and masturbate on Twitter that they have taken a major stand against a worldwide corporation that they use to try to talk to their grand-kids. No one who is a lawyer or social media influence or Mark Zuckerberg has a soul so they sleep pretty well.
Now, back to Twitter. You may have an account already. Undergo basic SMS verification if not and follow @MaggieNYT.
Don’t read any article she posts or retweets. It’s all the same beltway circlejerk anyways. You, as an elite member of an inner circle, are there for the comments. Most of @MaggieNYT’s followers are caught in a hate cycle of following her and insulting her in comments. You enabled Trump, they shout. Yeah, a liberal Brooklyn Jew is the reason why Donald Trump was elected. The ADL is legislating for hate crime laws protecting Jewish public figures and important journalists, whose Venn diagram is a circle.
Full disclosure: I’m saying this as a Jew. I’m attempting to define how to find #GOODNEWS in a world of #FAKENEWS which is fatally important in order to preserve our democracy. This is an important conversation we must undertake in light of historic persecution of my race. No one likes Haberman but she #PERSISTS despite being a punching bag.
@MaggieNYT’s Twitter is single-handedly the cause for a significant rise in anti-Semitism. You show an average person Henry Kissinger enthusiastically masturbating to child porn while authorizing the overthrow of democracies and the sale of weapons to fascist governments then lock them in a room where their only content is @MaggieNYT’s tweets and see which one wants 2020 to look like 1940 quicker.
The good news is that journalism is being rapidly overtaken by Markov-bots which dissect the salient #BUZZWORDS and generates a publishable text. That’s the future of journalism. Not just Markov chains of seemingly deep insight but they’ll innovate by having attractive women half-naked and bleach blonde narrating the whole thing. That’s the future. Naked News is already a thing, God bless, but pretty soon the whole world will look like Twitter. Nude women talking about viral pandemics and religious insurrection while they lightly press a vibrator between their legs and wink at the camera.
Are you upset by this future? You live in it, but it’s okay to have your opinion. We’ll have a body dysphoric person as part of the Markov chain designed to make you feel better. You can watch a larger women masturbate while she tells you that Hubei is a ghost town. Or a trans-woman, a white/black/latino male, a Muslim. That is how you distinguish #REALNEWS from #FAKENEWS. Maggie has little chance in the oncoming environment which relies on a degree of sex appeal and brevity. Most of her readers are actively imagining how good her lipstick would look on a curb.
It would be a shame if someone activated a ***** **** {redacted} in New York or Los Angeles or Palo Alto. The land would be uninhabitable for a decade at least. You would see a vast steppe land of disintegrating buildings and corpses. How terrible if someone found how easy it was to make […] {redacted, jfc get on track, we’re talking about modern journalism}.
0 notes
junketsonasadplanet · 5 years
Text
A Field Guide to Modern Journalism
The Fourth Estate - journalism - is a central pillar for modern democracies now that the internet age is no longer a “flash in the pan,” research tool, or means of communication but instead an entire digital alter-ego for a generation. A means and medium of expression; a boundless, dangerous sea new to human experience whose swift movements change our perception of information. More placid waters no longer entice, the slow-moving panopticon of democracy’s policy-making needs to be translated and emphasized against a torrential flood of amusement.
Start by making a Twitter account. No one uses Facebook for news, only fucking boomers use Facebook. “I use the ‘Book,” some fucking boomer is saying while wearing sandals and flipping a burger on the grill, “it’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” A CNN editor rubs their hands together. That’s what they’ll run with, “the ‘Book is how today’s grandparents stay in touch!”
That’s perfect because CNN/FOX/MSNBC - pick your poison they’re basically the same - are competing for the main demographic of long term coma victims and retirement homes leaving the channel on the TV in the day room. “It’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” is echoing under humming fluorescent light to an audience of failing kidneys, lung cancer, and stroke victims who are staring at each other. Imagine knifing two Vietnamese in a tunnel and forty years later you’re getting abused by your Dominican nurse who steals your pocket change and slaps you when you don’t take pills. People don’t hate boomers because they ran the planet and economy into the fucking dust they hate them because they’re pathetic.
We’re still talking about how to find a good news source so hang on. The generation of unbridled wealth and power fucked up everything they touched and are slackjawed now staring at the desert of reality, either that or Facebook. Your grandson OD’d because he mixed Oxy and Everclear? Hit that share button saying you’ve got an angel waiting for you in Heaven. People shit themselves when they mix like that. Imagine an Angel in its gown with shit running down its leg. CNN doing 24/7 coverage of Zuckerberg during the Cambridge Analytica trial in Senate with a well-hidden earbud. Now look concerned. No, little more deeply concerned, avoid some eye contact and unfocus your eyes while staring at the ground. Okay, now start to look determined. Look at the Senate - do not smile - look at each Senator in turn and tell them you are taking action to prevent fake news from spreading on your platform.
Zuckerberg is taking classes on how to look more human/relatable, catastrophically failing. We had to get a remote operator with a Berkeley M.S. in psychology to feed him cues. The dude cannot understand how to express emotion. It’s crazy. We tried showing him shock footage and he got a hard-on. A full blown mast watching a guy get beat to death with bricks.
Zuckerberg cannot convey basic human emotion and gets a boner knowing he employs vast amounts of people whose only job is to screen “offensive content” on Instagram and Facebook. Contractors in Phoenix, Arizona, some in Hollywood, Florida and Austin, Texas who are paying rent watching cartel executions and child porn. Automated systems immediately flag undistorted footage so the uploaders distort it or create new footage. If you’re reading this and waiting to hear about modern journalism then so is a contractor now watching the same footage of someone get their head beat in.
At the Phoenix branch of Facebook, Inc, they have a sign for “Days Since We Saw the Funkytown Execution Video” that never goes to 1. Some ingenious motherfucker will reverse the video or overlay it into an anime AMV and upload to Instagram while tagging every “social influencer” he can. I spoke to him once, he told me the most popular was “Redbone but you’re Mexican” where the Funkytown song in the background as they hack a man’s hands off while injecting him with methamphetamine so he can’t pass out so his stumps try to touch his face while some cartel goon peels the skin off his head is instead replaced by the muffled sound of “Redbone” by Childish Gambino.
Facebook is breeding an ingenious mutt race of some very efficient serial killers, conspiracy theorists, but mostly of people who will claim PTSD and join lawsuits against the Zuck so they can claim peanuts while the tort lawyers bring half a billion home and masturbate on Twitter that they have taken a major stand against a worldwide corporation that they use to try to talk to their grand-kids. No one who is a lawyer or social media influence or Mark Zuckerberg has a soul so they sleep pretty well.
Now, back to Twitter. You may have an account already. Undergo basic SMS verification if not and follow @MaggieNYT.
Don’t read any article she posts or retweets. It’s all the same beltway circlejerk anyways. You, as an elite member of an inner circle, are there for the comments. Most of @MaggieNYT’s followers are caught in a hate cycle of following her and insulting her in comments. You enabled Trump, they shout. Yeah, a liberal Brooklyn Jew is the reason why Donald Trump was elected. The ADL is legislating for hate crime laws protecting Jewish public figures and important journalists, whose Venn diagram is a circle.
Full disclosure: I’m saying this as a Jew. I’m attempting to define how to find #GOODNEWS in a world of #FAKENEWS which is fatally important in order to preserve our democracy. This is an important conversation we must undertake in light of historic persecution of my race. No one likes Haberman but she #PERSISTS despite being a punching bag.
@MaggieNYT’s Twitter is single-handedly the cause for a significant rise in anti-Semitism. You show an average person Henry Kissinger enthusiastically masturbating to child porn while authorizing the overthrow of democracies and the sale of weapons to fascist governments then lock them in a room where their only content is @MaggieNYT’s tweets and see which one wants 2020 to look like 1940 quicker.
The good news is that journalism is being rapidly overtaken by Markov-bots which dissect the salient #BUZZWORDS and generates a publishable text. That’s the future of journalism. Not just Markov chains of seemingly deep insight but they’ll innovate by having attractive women half-naked and bleach blonde narrating the whole thing. That’s the future. Naked News is already a thing, God bless, but pretty soon the whole world will look like Twitter. Nude women talking about viral pandemics and religious insurrection while they lightly press a vibrator between their legs and wink at the camera.
Are you upset by this future? You live in it, but it’s okay to have your opinion. We’ll have a body dysphoric person as part of the Markov chain designed to make you feel better. You can watch a larger women masturbate while she tells you that Hubei is a ghost town. Or a trans-woman, a white/black/latino male, a Muslim. That is how you distinguish #REALNEWS from #FAKENEWS. Maggie has little chance in the oncoming environment which relies on a degree of sex appeal and brevity. Most of her readers are actively imagining how good her lipstick would look on a curb.
It would be a shame if someone activated a ***** **** {redacted} in New York or Los Angeles or Palo Alto. The land would be uninhabitable for a decade at least. You would see a vast steppe land of disintegrating buildings and corpses. How terrible if someone found how easy it was to make […] {redacted, jfc get on track, we’re talking about modern journalism}.
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