#Online Neighborhood
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Jimmy being included in hermit stuff makes me so happy, he's their little guy
SAME it just makes me feel warm. He's having such a good time in every clip I see of him/the parts of the stream I got to watch.
#quara asks#i wonder if he was invited to join or if he asked to? i'm assuming he def heard about it way in advance from someone like grian#but like he FLEW there it's not just oh i'm in the neighborhood i'll stop by or let me log in online :)))#hes so included in the hermit group that he traveled to come hang with them all irl and raise money...#hes their little guy indeed
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BIRTHDAY GIFT TO MEEE
#actually a couple days late for my birthday but thats fair given my birthday is on a wednesday this year#count of monte cristo#the count of monte cristo#really hoping i can find a bootleg online first#its going to be at a film fest in LA... a week before I'm going to be back down in LA#i'm moving and i dont know when but it's probably before end of October which means im no longer#conveniently in the neighborhood :(
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huh a post seems suspicously overly negative about show's devil's minion with older daniel *checks* oh. a marius deep throater. this is why
#they have a particular vibe of “the show has ruined the book foundations how can ppl enjoy this now” to it and every time#they either not like that armand isnt white or they love Number 1 Neighborhood Watch Resident#wich whatever ppl can enjoy anything they want it just curious it keeps happening. everytime with the “how can you like this?” nose turning#delete later bc arguing online is zzzzzzz but had to roll my eyes a little before having a silly good time again
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.
#okay I'm gonna get a bit personal here lmao#so i used to have a childhood best friend whom I've known basically since he was born lmao (he's 4 years younger)#he's always been like a little brother to me and we used to be inseparable until like 11 years ago#and then the friendship stopped sooo abruptly basically from one day to another#and i literally have no idea to this day why#i mean idk at that point those 4 years were a BIG gap me being 15 and him 11#but I'm not sure if that was it or if his parents didn't like it or some completely different reason#we're actually neighbors and it's crazy to me that we haven't had any in person interaction since then#we say hello if we see each other and wish each other a happy birthday online but that's it#and today me and my dad went over to the neighbors because..#(well I'm not gonna elaborate here because there was some police action in the neighborhood and i felt like i was in an action movie#and that's what brought the neighbors together whatever it's a long story)#and he was there and i realized i miss him lmao#i mean I've always missed him i never stopped missing our friendship#and i really really wanna reach out and say “hey you wanna grab coffee some time?” and just catch up#but I'm scared lol#like what if he says no#what if he doesn't wanna do anything with me#idk the rejection would feel awful a second time#am i being irrational here am i overthinking#maaaan idk#i never share anything too personal here so this feels weird lol#personal
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aahhh, gender discussion coming up in the barber shop.
#i've learned to tune these things out#and it's not like i live in the most “progressive” neighborhood so i'm not surprised or anything but it sure is a weird feeling#going from openly accepting online spaces to some shop down the street where you listen to people talk and think “huh. you're that upset?”#into the void
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Lilianna♡
Im using red pen/
Lilianna forgot she can't drink tea😔
Bonus:
Just imagine she giggle infront of me
IM FLUSTERED
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CHOKE
No thank you, I'm good
#Freethepuppet is back#bro is not batman#welcome home#welcome home arg#welcome home puppet show#bro can't come up with good insults that's not a threat#I guess when you're 14 and in an edgy phase this is all you can come up with#come up with something actually clever#At this point your insults are so dead that not even a necromancer can bring it back#Might as well take that insult to the backyard and bury it#my friendly neighborhood#mfn#tagging mfn too because they are going after puppet horror#apparently they are trying to be some of kind of ' puppet activist ' but it's not really doing anything actually helpful#It's mostly incomprehensible gibberish of threats instead of actually doing anything#Basically the Tash Peterson of puppets#Apparently they are trying to say that puppeteers are losing their jobs because of puppet horror#But really it's just bullshit from a chronically online person#Also these puppet horror projects are a homage to sesame street and the muppets and puppet shows in general#You would know that if you actually took the time to read up about it#no need to become a digital version of batman
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📓🕯️🐇🖤
#just a little diary dump:#i've contacted my school therapist again. asked for help regarding anxiety abt schoolwork since i dont get any other treatment#she said she can help me go thru if there are other options since neither psychiatric nor healthcare center will help me#+ she said that she and i can talk abt my anxiety regarding school etc. so in two weeks i'll see her#school starts next week. 4days a week rip... lol thats much for me. a bum. a cellar dweller. i've decided that im gnna go to all my classes#and always work while im there since its harder for me to do it at home. and i will also talk more w my teacher nd ask them for help#then im looking into an online therapy service. it miiight be possible for me to do that. but then i have to contact them and focus on only#1 or 2 issues. in my experience it just doesnt work to go to them and be like everythings bad :(( they wont help u then. i have to narrow it#down for them. nd i'll think i will talk 2 them abt my extreme feelings of loneliness and also my procrastination behavior#but yeah i have no idea if it's possibly bc idk if i can get financial aid for that service. im still in contact w the healthcare center so#i hope she will come to some sort of conclusion nd not just leave my high nd dry (she sent another referral to the persobality disorder -#clinic. even if they rejected the first one. so i'll see)#hmmm yeah. the situation w my sisters is sooooo rough. i hate it. they make me feel so so bad#and the housing situation is roughhhh. it's impossible to get an apartment lol.#so i need to find a way to shut it off and try to not let it bother me#just focus on finishing upper secondary school. nd i've been thinking abt taking out a loan for it and take german/french/spanish classes#instead of doing what im doing now when im actually poor and stressed bc they can choose to cut me off anytime#im meeting my highschool friend on tuesday. she asked if i wanted to hang out for a bit c:#im a bit anxious but like yeah.. it's nice to get out and talk to someone besides my family. which is just my mom lol#i messaged my other old highschool classmate on insta and said i saw her in my neighborhood#she replied but i had lowkeyyy hoped for more... like maybe being able to befriend her T-T but she didnt seem so interested in talking to me#which is ok ofc. it just made me a bit sad bc idk how to make friends and i thought she was rlly nice. but oh well#im rlly sad atm. maybe heartbreak prob. even more sad bc it was my stupid fault but yeah#im still grateful for all that it gave me. nd how i got to experience feelings of warmth nd love nd appreciation i didnt know i could feel#so even if im just contantly heavily sad bc i keep being like oh. i wanna ask this. say that. wonder what theyre up to. etc etc. i just have#to... be sad and just keep going forward#hope and try to not fuck everything else up. even if it feels like... what do all the other things matter when what i rlly rlly wanted got#ruined..... thats life tho. i know. im just so bad at handling life :((#i feel so broken and confused and i hate that i didnt get to be normal and healthy#im so illequipped at dealing w myself nd my emotions nd there seems to be no professional help for me
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Can’t wait for my drivers license to arrive so I can be driving legally again for the first time in 1.5 years!
#for legal reasons this is a joke#SO THIS IS WHATS UP#as a youngin#a young adult one might say#I was starting to learn that some systems are bullshit when I’d previously been a pretty big rule-follower#my mom showing me how to navigate the healthcare system a bit/showing me how student loans legit have practices to confuse and fuck us over#also im really bad at getting things in on time (this is an important fact)#so when I see that my drivers license is abt to expire. I’m like ‘Oup gotta get that done!’ then promptly forget abt it#next time I remember it’s 3 months expired.#I check the date and realize that wait! in a year imma be turning 21 and just one yr after that Real ID’s will become mandatory (im p sure)#so I decide to push off renewing my license! I think that the whole process will b annoying asf bc I’ve only dealt with the DMV in-person#and it SUCKED and took forever. I’m thinking that if I renew my drivers license right on/after my 21st birthday I can knock out two birds#with one stone: I can get it as a Real ID and I can get an updated picture that’s flipped sideways so getting age-checked is faster#little do i know: it’s v much illegal to be driving around with an expired license!#I drive around for a year (over a year? I don’t remember when I first realized it was expired) j having fun#then one month b4 my 21st birthday I get into an abroad study thing and have to get my passport. which I realize is also expired. and#realize that to renew my passport I have to have a valid drivers license. At this point I also realize how fucked I could be if I get pulled#over with my expired license. so I check out the process for DL renewal and rejoice! it’s online!#AND THANK FUCK I CHECKED THEN. bc if I had waited LITERALLY two more days I would not have been able to renew online and would’ve had to go#in-person. and there were no in-person appointments until after my 21st. and I learned in this process abt the fines my state applies when u#renew a DL late and ALSO that u have to entirely retake the test/redo all the paperwork shit if it’s expired for too long. I would’ve had to#retake the test n everything if I’d gone past my bday. I was also in another state for college. idk how incoherent these ramblings are but#basically I would’ve been Ultra Fucked. anyways! got that figured out#renewed the DL and had it sent to my home. then da house floods and crime goes up in the neighborhood and my DL ends up either being lost#Or tossed (with other flood-damaged things) or stolen.#I don’t realize this for 4 months bc I am silly. also in college out-of-state. also other reasons.#finally got around to calling DMV and telling them that my DL never arrived… 6 months after I renewed it!#and they were v sweet and are resending me my DL for free. so in the next few weeks I shall finally b driving legally again#!!!! the end#mypost
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So I have been trying to get better internet to stream for 6 months now and am just going to have to give up on it. I still am on 20 year old DSL and the only alternative is Xfinity which my family does not want due to Comcast being shadier then the Devil himself. So I guess if I want to make content I am going to have to just make videos the old fashioned way and take 2 hours to upload them T_T
#uploads#internet#I use Frontier and it is super frustrating#esp because they are advertising their Fiber plan everywhere online#it just isnt comin to my city#and its worse because I am stuck between two cities#technically part of a large city but so far out that it will be at least 7+ years till they get around to upgrading the internet where I am#and I am RIGHT NEXT TO another city upgrading their internet IMMEDIATELY outside my neighborhood#So I am just stuck with 20 year old tech#despite us ONLY using streaming and no cable#we cant get better then 24mbps donwload and 1.2mbps upload#not 12#1.2#imagine someone walking around having to use a 2004 Motorolla Razor in 2024#thats my internet#I love purchasing a new game and not being able to play it for 3 days#rant
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C-could I have a cookie?
👉👈
omw to make another entire batch for you o7
#ghost post#SCREECHING AND CRYING BECAUSE I DONT LIVE IN A NEIGHBORHOOD WITH ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS NEARBY#AND I CANT GO DOOR TO DOOR WITH BAGS OF BAKED GOODS EVERY WEEK#THE WORLD IS SO UNFAIR
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incessant advertisement and sponsorship is seriously bringing me to the brink of it all
#i ordered a used book off of ebay and it came with an envelope of coupon cards telling me i can get a percentage off of online food service#orders... it came with my book. off ebay.#today i opened google docs and got a pop up congratulating me for being one of the lucky ones picked for trying out their new AI software#on my walks around my neighborhood there are several houses that Scream at me saying 'hi you are being recorded' there are houses with#three of them that all desperately scream over each other because im just fucking walking trying to enjoy what little nature i can get#i feel like i'm being fucking hunted down for sport by the horrors of technology#like are you fucking with me#they keep making up new ways to invade any peace of mind i can get
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welp, heard about the whole mess with AI on tumblr. there's a good chance i'll be deleting some art off this blog. i'm gonna look into alternative sites where i can post things (including more weretoons!), i'll update with news if/when i have it.
#gamma thoughts#not to mention the transphobia. jeez#maybe i will simply cease to post art online#i shall walk around my neighborhood passing out flyers for commissions like a victorian child begging for coins
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gym memberships are so fucking predatory they make it so easy to sign up but nearly impossible to cancel
#i signed up and went a few times but hated it and always felt so out of place#like i would rather just go on walks around my neighborhood#but there is no info on how to cancel it online and i would rather kill myself than go in person to ask them
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Yaaay
My landlord called to say they got the pilot light in the water heater back on (it went out when the basement of my building flooded) and there should be hot water again in half an hour to an hour.
#it is so weird living in one of the hardest hit neighborhoods during a thing like this#and seeing endless images of places two blocks or so from you on the news and online as examples of what happened#and having appliance issues as your big complaint post storm#but honestly I am so THRILLED to have hot water again#now here's hoping - as my landlord said may happen#that the appliance guy drives in from Long Island today to do repairs to things like my oven#(and the washing machines and dryers in the basement of course)#apparently despite normally not coming on weekends he called my landlord#to say he may come in today since the storm really did a number on us and he knows there is potential business to do#my landlord said he'd let me know if my oven can get fixed today#and I am now eagerly waiting for that call saying it can be
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Got a month’s prescription of klonopin. Wish I could find out how other people are affected by it, but all I find are posts about getting fucked up. I mean, I guess good for y’all, but not very helpful for me 🤷🏻♂️
#I’m about to take my first one in a bit#been trying to find actual reviews online that aren’t from people just partying#it suuuucks#okay first of the nurse was super sweet and nice BUT I ASKED FOR XANAX#I did NO research on klonopin so now I’m scrambling to build up the courage to take this stuff#I’m sorry. I’m not a big drug user. I’m paranoid about side effects#I just want to feel mellow and not as sad#I know this is for anxiety not depression but my new antidepressants aren’t in yet and I need SOME kind of relief#I kinda just sat and cried and freaked out in the car earlier so… wanna get on this before that hits again#I tried to go for a run this morning.. which… I can’t run. this body sucks and I have bad balance and it just feels bad#so instead I walked around the neighborhood for awhile. it was nice. so pretty.#it rained earlier so it was cool and dewy and peaceful#and I could hear the birds and felt peaceful for awhile#now I’m in this house and it’s OPPRESSIVE!#THIS WORLD IS SHIT PRISON IN ISOLATION GALAXY!#I went to Walgreens earlier and tried to see if I would be able to work in a place like that#trying to hear people talk while wearing hearing aids#it… wasn’t a hopeful trip. depressing. I want a job and to get out so bad#I need cash and I need to be around people#it’s just hard. trying to adjust. trying to see some hope. it’s rough.#I wish I could listen to music but it’s just noise now#and I can’t eat because nothing tastes good. it’s all dry and bland and I know I’m hungry#and being hungry makes my mental state worse but it’s hard to feel the need to eat#blegh whatever. gonna try some ramen and I got a Gatorade for the calories so we’ll see#sorry about the bitching#I appreciate if you actually read all of this#text
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