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theymakemegayer · 4 years

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Reputation: Chapter 9

a/n: uhhh maybe get some tissues first 🤣

also sharing to you guys that Maniac by Conan Gray was a huge inspiration boost for this chapter

Chapter 1-8 here

(EDIT: sorry I forgot again ugh)

Taglist: @crazzyplays @riptideyun @baexpoppy @save-me-the-last-dance @dopeyouth

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The next day, after that encounter I had with Poppy - me and Zoey were sitting at the picnic table and peacefully enjoying our lunch.

My eyes darted again towards Poppy and her clique. They were laughing, really just a normal sight on a weekday lunch break. Suddenly Poppy looked at my direction. I froze, not really sure what to do. She averted first, her smile dropping and was replaced by a frown.

I sighed. Forget her Bea.

"Hey are you alright?" Zoey laid her hand on my arm, bringing me back to the present.

I smiled weakly, "Y-yeah."

Before Zoey can even question me more, a static sound echoed. It caught all of the student’s attention. A hush fell as a group of students stood at the middle. They were carrying a portable speaker and mic. A girl walked in front from the group. Expect almost all of the students in Belvoire to dress up like they were about to catwalk on a stage. She was wearing a black designer dress which hugged her figure perfectly and compliments her pale skin tone. She had a jet black hair tied up into a ponytail. A confident smile was on her lips.

"Listen up Belvoire!" She started to speak on the mic, "It's Persephone Dalton here," She paused her eyes darting on my direction smirking, "We've all been having fun through the past few weeks courtesy of our clown Newbie here," She gestured at my direction, "Let me just say, that hog calling video was sensational." Her smile turned into a Cheshire cat. "So me and my friends decided why not turn up the fun?"

My eyes grew wide, "What the f--" I stopped myself from fully cursing. I looked frantically at Zoey, "Who the hell is she?" I asked in panic and annoyance. I can definitely feel the bad news this girl brought oozing out of her.

"She's one of the elites. She's in the top 15 Bea."

I groaned.

"Now to share to you guys the debut of another one of my remixes," Persephone spoke again, "Here's my latest dub step remix." She grinned at my directions, "Thanks a lot, Bea Hughes." She tapped something on her phone. A heavy beat music mixed with a familiar squeals played through the Bluetooth speaker they brought along.

I gaped at this Persephone. I can feel my cheeks blazed with embarrassment and anger. Laughter and murmurs surrounded me. I wanted to go to her and stop her. I wanted to fight her. I wanted to be mad - scratch that I was mad, but all I can think about was how the ground beneath me looked more interesting than people. How it would feel if this ground would do me a favour and swallowed me up. My legs felt numb. My eyes stung as I fought back the tears threatening to spill. I won't cry. I won't cry. I chanted as my mind swarmed with thoughts. I don't want to be me anymore, please.

I weakly looked up to give a glare at Persephone. In a blur I saw someone in pink marched towards Persephone and grabbed her phone. The music paused.

My eyes grew wide as I realized who walked towards Persephone. Poppy...?

"What the fuck are you doing?" Poppy's voice was dangerously low. Her voice can be heard through the mic Persephone was still holding.

Persephone smiled, "Oh my god! Poppy Min-Sinclair. It's a great honour to talk to you. Did you like what I did? I was hoping you'll notice me after I do that." Her smile never faltered. Her eyes were gleaming as she waited for Poppy's response.

I can see how Poppy was clenching her jaw, "First, are you done yapping now?

Persephone gaped at Poppy, her smile dropping.

When she didn't get an answer Poppy continued, "And second, did I ask you to that?"

"N-No?" Persephone stuttered, while Poppy glared at her. "Then it means," Poppy gestured on the phone and the speaker, "I don't need this." Poppy grabbed the mic, "Heck, I can't believe you all." She turned and faced the students, "Are you really this stupid and cheap to find this hog calling video funny at all?"

I dumbly stared at Poppy my mind blanked. What is she doing?

She glared at the crowd around us, "Who even leaked the video?" She exclaimed as if she was on the verge of losing her patience. "I dare you to come to me. I might have a little present for you,” She smirked.

"Besides," She whipped her head and looked at me, "I am the only one who is allowed to humiliate Farmsville here." She gave back the mic to Persephone after and not failing to glare at her.

She looked at me once again. My heart was on my throat as our eyes locked. There were a million of emotions flashing on those brown eyes. She cut our eye contact first before I can even decipher any of those emotions.

"What was that?" Zoey exclaimed after a few seconds of dead silence.

"I don't know... I don't know Zo."

Later that day, Zoey and I were lounging at our dorm - well I was lounging and Zoey was pacing back and forth while she continuously ranted, "What was that all about? I believe I wasn't the only one who thought she defended you!" She looked at me, "I am more worried now Bea. Is she trying to keep you close now? This is some sick mind games of hers."

"Zoey..." I sighed, "Will you sit first, please?" I massaged my temples.

Zoey sat in front of me in our small dinner table. She sighed, "Sorry Bea. I am just really baffled and I kept on thinking what her plan is this time."

I chuckled dryly, "To be honest Zo, after that hog calling video I am just so tired of anything that is related to her. I don't even want to get close to her or be with her in a same room."

"Oh then I guess I shouldn't remind you to stay away from her?" She cheekily smiled.

I laughed, "Please I am tired of her."

"It's just that I never saw Poppy doing something like this to her enemies before, and that was what freaks me out," Zoey told me.

"I am confused too that it is starting to give me headaches."

Zoey reached out and held my hand, "I hate that it comes to this now."

"Maybe I can still talk to her, get an idea what is her plan." I stood up.

"Wait what?" Zoey exclaimed, "Didn't we just agreed to stay away from her?"

I sighed, "I need to talk to her, Zo."

"Then I am coming with you," She stood up too.

"Please Zo, I need to confront her, alone." I looked at Zoey in the eyes silently pleading.

Zoey sighed, "Fine." She grumbled, "But please be careful."

"I will Zo." I smiled and hugged her tightly - seeking for a small comfort as I ready myself to confront Poppy.

*=*=*=*

I walked up to Zeta House. I realized I don't have a solid plan on how I can sneak up on her room. As if the Heaven's heard me Taylor walked out from the Zeta House.

"Thank God!" I exclaimed as I walked towards Taylor, "Hey is Poppy in her room?" I asked once I was in front of her.

"Oh, hi Bea! Yeah she is. I actually have some errands to run for her." She said smiling at me.

"Oh great! And don't tell anyone you saw me today," I winked at her as I confidently walked towards the main door of the Zeta House.

"Whatever you have in mind Bea, I wish you luck."

I looked over my shoulder at Taylor smiling, "Thanks!"

I heaved a sigh of relief as I successfully sneaked inside. I walked stealthy towards Poppy's room. Once I was standing in front of Poppy's room. Thoughts swarmed my mind questioning my bravery. Am I ready to face her? What if this only hurts me more? My heart was buzzing on my ears - longing to see her. I took a deep breath trusting my worries would fade away as I breathe out. I was about to knock, but my fist halted midway. I clenched my fist, my thoughts screaming on my face. I can do this - came a single whisper.

With one last ounce of bravery, I knocked twice.

"Come in," I heard her muffled voice from the other side. My heart drummed on my chest - whether it was because I heard her voice or the nervousness creeping on me, I tried not to think of it.

I reached out for the door knob, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. I felt every emotion and heard every sound. I hold my breath as I twisted the door knob.

I pushed open the door. My eyes tried to find her first in her huge room. She was lying on her bed reading some magazine. Her gazed shoot up. I gulped thickly as our eyes met.

Her eyebrow raise, "What are you doing here?" Her voice sounded higher than usual.

"I..." I cleared my throat, "We need to talk."

Poppy chuckled dryly, "Now you wanted to talk."

I clenched my jaw, "Look I don't want to talk to you that bad either."

Poppy huffed out a laugh that sounded bitter on my ears, "Alright then why the hell are you here? I didn't ask for a talk, but you said we need to talk. You are confusing Bea."

"I am confusing?" I frowned. As I walked towards her I continued, "Excuse me. From the start I had been clear with my intentions to you."

She looked at me in the eyes, the magazine she was reading a while ago forgotten beside her, "Yeah you were clear from the start, but how about your actions these past few days?"

"What do you mean? Can't you see that was the result of what you did!" I yelled. "You fucking hooked up with me and then what? You backstabbed me after?" I laughed dryly. My eyes were stinging again. I clenched my jaw, "And then you suddenly act like you care and defend me a while ago. Look who is confusing."

She glared at me pointedly. If only looks could kill. "Stop putting the blame on me." She said through gritted teeth.

"Then stop acting like a jerk!" I yelled.

"You are the jerk!" She yelled back.

I gasped, "How am I the jerk here?"

"Just shut up Bea!"

"Wha--"

All of a sudden she pulled me by my hand. The next thing I knew her lips were on mine. My lips tingled and a blazed as she bruised me with her kiss. It was demanding sucking out the air out of me. Her hands cupped my face, thumb caressing my face as she deepened the kiss. My thoughts were hazy while my heart combusted.

Poppy.

Her scent was intoxicating. Her lips were soft and firm like the feelings she were igniting in me.

Poppy.

Her name was a prayer, and a scream into the fogginess of my thoughts. She consumed me. She took away another piece of me as she carved her name into another part of my heart.

Poppy.

She was now standing too. Her arms wrapped around my waist pulling me close to her. Her warmth filled me up. I thread my fingers on her hair, caressing as I kissed her with the same intensity.

Poppy.

She betrayed me...

The spell was broken, as the reality pierced through me. I stopped kissing her and pushed her back.

We were both panting for air. She opened her eyes and looked at me with intensity I never seen before.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked while I used the back of my hand to wipe away the feelings she imprinted on my lips.

She scoffed, "You are an idiot."

"Poppy I am tired of you."

She laughed dryly, "I guess it didn't occur to you that I can be tired too. One moment you made me feel like you like me and then the next you're acting cold."

"Do I need to spell it out to you Poppy? You back stabbed me when you released that hog calling video. And you think I can still trust you after?"

She laughed bitterly, "Bea stop being blind! I wasn't the one who released it!" She yelled in exasperation.

I clenched my jaw and looked at her in the eyes, "Why should I believe you?"

That left her speechless. I narrowed my eyes at her. I stepped closer and jabbed a finger on her chest, "I had always tried to see you more than your mean words or your mean attitude towards others. I tried so hard to see the real you. I thought I finally manage to." I paused as I wiped away the tears that were streaming down on my face, "But what happened? You only used my vulnerability and attacked me Poppy. Maybe... maybe that was the real you all along I just fooled myself that there was more to it."

I let my tears fell as I stare at her. She was not showing any emotion. Even her eyes were cold. She was only proving me that I was right.

"Now answer me, why should I believe you?" I asked again. A single whisper beneath my chest was hoping she would prove me wrong.

She remained silent as she stared at me.

I sighed and took a step back. I laughed dryly, "I thought so too. Your silence just proved so many things. Goodbye Poppy."

I turned around quickly, not wanting to let her see how broken I was. I run out of her room. My tears were uncontrollable by now. It was like my heart was being split into two. My chest was aching as I run towards my dorm.

My mind was in a mess and I didn't care around my surroundings until I bumped into someone.

"Oh sorry," I murmured ready to leave, but the person I bumped to held my arm.

I stopped and quickly wiped the tears on my face before I looked at the person.

"Oh Benji," I spoke, "Sorry I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Hey, Bea are you alright?" He asked worriedly.

"Yeah," I plastered the fakest smile I can master.

He was standing a little too close for my comfort. That was when I get a whiff of his perfume. Why does he smell like my perfume. A realization hit me. This morning I can't find my perfume - my heart dropped at my stomach at the possibility.

"Are you sure?" He asked bringing me back to the present.

I slowly pulled my arm from his hold. "Yeah," I nodded.

"You know if you need anyone to talk to, I can listen." He smiled at me.

I contemplated. Maybe this is my chance to find out if my gut feel is right. I stifled a sigh as I spoke, "Alright Benji. Why don't we hang out in your room?"

We arrived at his room which was a little smaller than my dorm.

"Oh..." I uttered as my eyes scanned his room which was simpler than my dorm.

"I am here on a full scholarship, and this is the room they gave me," He told me.

"Wow that is actually harsh."

He smiled at me, "I know you can see my struggles. Ever since you stood up towards Poppy I knew you would make a difference here at Belvoire. I've been following everything that's been happening between you and Poppy on the The T."

"Have you now?" I replied nonchalantly as I tried to find my perfume bottle, but Benji stepped in front of me.

"Totally! You're the best thing that happened in this school." He exclaimed.

"You think?"

"There's no question about it. Poppy is probably jealous because you're much prettier and smarter than her."

I smiled at him, "Benji you know I'm just an average person right?"

"See you're also humble! Something Poppy lacks. You also stood up to her and Chloe since day one. You even humiliated her on Kick Off Day. And you're nice to her assistant."

I smiled, "I did all of that huh?"

"The school is catching up and they can finally see what I see. The future is you Bea." He grinned.

Okay... That irked me.

"Actually I've been thinking of ways we can outshine Poppy and her goons,” He continued.

Hold up. We? I raised an eyebrow as he continued telling me about his plan.

"Benji," I tried to cut him off, but he only continued.

"Benji," I tried again, but it was as if he hadn't heard me.

"Benji!" I said a little louder this time which finally caught his attention.

He jumped on his spot. He's totally giving me weird uncomfortable vibes.

I plastered a smile as I speak, "Benji, would you be a doll and run to the dining commons to get me something special. I've been dying to try out their new iced cranberry oolong."

"But--"He was about to counter, but I cut him off.

"Benji. I'm parched." I coughed.

Panic was written all over his face as he scrambled out of his room murmuring, "Coming right up."

I swept my gaze around his room. I still failed on finding my perfume bottle when my eyes landed on his computer desktop. Wouldn't be bad sneaking through it, I guess.

As I browsed through the folders I landed on a folder named 'Poppy's Pathetic truth'. I clicked on it and found evidence after evidence of Poppy and Bradley's dating were fake.

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. Somehow my chest felt lighter as the truth sunk into me. They aren't really dating.

Still a little daze I tried to look more into Bemji's files and found files and folders about me. That was when I spotted something on the corner of the bedside table. My perfume! I walked towards his bed.

"Is this really mine?" I uttered. The strong smell of my perfume just got stronger. I took his pillow and tried to take a sniff. The strong smell of my perfume wafted in me.

"No." I uttered in shock. My heart dropped in my stomach. I flung his pillow across the room knocking his closet door slightly ajar. A chill run my spine when I spot a very familiar red lace from inside.

"Oh hells! It better be not what I think it is," I mumbled as I took shaking steps towards his closet.

My hands were shaking as I opened his closet.

A disturbing smell and image welcomed me. The smell of rotten food wafted my senses. Benji had a shrine for me, made out of rotten food and my stolen belongings like my comb and red lacy bra.

"Hello Bea. I see you found my adoration station," Suddenly Benji’s voice rang behind me.

#fanon poppy #queen b poppy #poppy x mc #poppy min sinclair #poppy min-sinclair #playchoices

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todokori-kun · 7 years

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For

the queen, I’ll try my best (seriously tho why are you so nice? Like ???? how ??? Queen Luna is so freaking amazing)

AND NO IT’S REALLY NOT YOUR FAULT ADS:DLFJK omg

That really does sound fun! (lowkey jealous lol) hope you have a fantastic time!

Thanks! And, well, I was thinking of a very neutral blue-grey color scheme because it’s Ilumi, but then that also feels weird because of his green outfit? (like sure he has different oufits too but that weird green needle suit is the most well-known. Like, it’s the thing cosplayers always wear, the one he’s drawn wearing in most of the fanart…)

Illumi has his eyes on you

(this is probably true)

Do you think Kikyo and Silva (Mr. and Mrs. Zoldyck) ever bothered to teach that to him? They must have encouraged it. From a clip I watched recently it seems that Silva knew about the needle Illumi put in Killua’s head and was pretty much cool with it(…)

He’d drag Armin along with him. If Armin’s genius somehow wasn’t enough to put him into the top ten, Illumi’s really not above using Dead Eyes Intimidation + Zoldyck connections to make sure he’d get there…and then the needle would make sure Armin would never, ever dream of joining the Survey Corps or the Garrison.

That’s extremely accurate XD

Also, look at this cut exchange from Cabinet Battle 2:

Jefferson: Can you do me a favor?

Hamilton: Depends. I can try.

J: Can you tell Angelica Schuyler I said hi?

H: She’s never mentioned you.

J: She’s not the type who shares. But since you’re so interested in foreign affairs…

(Ouch.)

Yes, Eliza’s awesome ;-;

Well, the word got around, they said, ‘This kid is insane, man!’

Took up a collection just to send him to the mainland

‘Get your education, don’t forget from whence you came and

The world’s gonna know your name.

What’s your name, man?’

Kuroiwa is very much dead. Wonder how Takeomi’s gonna feel about this…first Yoriko, then his dad…;-;

Awww, at least you have tumblr friends? *hugs* and tbh I don’t have any fellow manga/anime fan friends over here either (though maybe that’s just because I don’t have any friends here at all lol)

Please join me in HxH hell. Please. I- I need someone to sob with me because I’m only like seven or eight volumes in and I just met Chrollo and omg please I have literally 0 friends in the HxH fandom (jk jk, just the fact that you listen to me rant out my favs is enough for me. TYSM for being such a queen <3)

And actually, it’s nowhere near as bad as TG or AoT! Like, it has emotional moments, but there aren’t that many character deaths? Like, sure, people die, some favs die, but so far it’s still reasonable and nobody seems to be rage-quitting the manga because of pointless angst.

Chrollo always looks good but yeah, that last style does uit him really well :)

Ging is horrible, but like you said, at least he tries and acknowledges that he’s a bad parent. In his own way. I mean, the whole journey to find him was something he designed himself to help Gon grow as a hunter (though that also connects to Ging’s slightly problematic habit of treating Gon more like a hunter to train than a child to raise…)

Excuse me Queen Luna do not compare yourself to this trashcan. He doesn’t deserve it.

I haven’t even met Pouf in the manga yet and I kinda love him.

ALL THE HAM/ELIZA FEELS.

I’m sad to say I did not cry at all during Hughes’ death/funeral. I felt a lot of pain but the tears just didn’t come OTL

I’m glad you appreciated the puns ;) (Seriously though seeing the blog back is so exciting <333)

Also: I will now send you some pics of Chrollo’s troupe members (AKA his loyal fellow criminals he’s so proud of them all), and of Ging’s student (Gon’s father figure), if that’s ok?

And I might gift you a surprise fic soon…I promise that it won’t be too angsty. Really. I would never lie to the queen :D

Last thing- is it ok if I rant more about OCs sometime? Mainly about the Love Interests for that Otome Game I mentioned a while ago (the thing I was trying to write a script for)…I’d just like some opinions on the LIs *Lenny Face*

Hi i’m back and ready to die.

I hate school, have I ever mentioned that?

Anyway, lately I’ve been losing my motivation for everything basically and that includes coming onto Tumblr, and I was wondering, do you have any app that has an instant messaging system? This is nothing against you personally, but my replies will be really slow, since I don’t even turn my computer on much these days… In fact, I feel incredibly guilty that I take so long to answer, I just don’t have the motivation…

On a happier note, I finally watched Civil War! And I ship Stony. My heart is not okay.

Um what else happened… Norway is absolutely beautiful? It’s a place where fairytales would take place, especially the fjords. And I also saw a ton of Thor statues lol

I’d scream if Illumi had his eyes on me. If I’d have the time to before dying that is.

While we’re on HxH, that picture of Hisoka you sent me is just mmmmmm nice abs He looks less trashy with his hair down.

well fuck kuroiwa is dead…

oh god trust me id be a shitty parent. a very very shitty parent. there’s a reason why i don’t want kids and the pain of giving birth is only a small part of it. not to mention i don’t have the patience to deal with a small human who can only shit or cry.

gah i know there was something else i wanted to tell you but forgot hnnnngh

uh well, ive returned to tg, so much about quitting. as long as my sweet sunshine is present, I’ll come back at any time. i just sincerely hope it is actually him and not a fake.

oh yeah, ive started rereading soul eater! it’s a good manga, you just have to get past the first 2-3 volumes for it to get good. the initial parts are pure ecchi.

i might spam the blog w some pictures of norway later ^^;;

sorry for the short&all over the place response, I’m just so so tired, even tho it’s only been one week of school. I blame my period.

Anyway, the next one will be longer, I swear! I hope you’re not too mad…

[edit:] I REMEMBERED WHAT I WANTED TO SAY

I SAW BOOK OF ATLANTIC. LIZZY. MY BABY. SHE FINALLY GOT HER SCENE IT WAS BEAUTIFUL ALSO UNDERTAKER. DAAAAAAAAMN

oh and i’ve gotten around to watching Death Note and it casually broke my heart. good to know, good to know.

#evans #submission

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multifandom-madnesss · 7 years

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A closer look at John and Sherlock’s conversation at 221B (Mission Johnlock is still a-go)

It’s 1am here, resp. 2.45am as of finishing this, I only saw the entire episode once and will surely be missing things due to exhaustion and feels, but I have to get this out now. Bear with me, folks :)

My initial reaction to the ending of TLD - the one relevant to Johnlock, at least - was one of immediate optimism. Not everyone shares this view. It wasn’t even 20 minutes after the episode had finished that some were bemoaning the end of any chance for Johnlock.

But listen: Mission Johnlock is still a-go.

And I’m going to show you why. Feat. transcripts and dialogue-reliant analysis.

We learn very soon into the episode that Mary is John’s subconscious, she is inside his head. An externalisation of his guilt and his way of arguing with himself. She also does deductions (but remember it is always John who thinks what she says).

Now: The Scene

Preceding this scene, we see Greg interviewing Culverton who cannot stop confessing. “I never realised confessing would be so enjoyable. I should have done it sooner.”

Side note: I theorise that one layer to this is forshadowing Sherlock’s confession.

Greg has had enough and decides to carry on tomorrow, even though Culverton isn’t tired. He emphasises that he is going to be so famous now that he can “break America”. [I’m sure there’s lots of subtext here but I will add to that later on, if someone else isn’t faster.]

CUT TO: INT. BAKER STREET

SHERLOCK: I had, of course, several other backup plans. Trouble is, I couldn’t remember what they were. And I hadn’t really anticipated that I’d hallucinate meeting his daughter.

MARY: Basically, he trashed himself on drugs so that you’d help him so that you’d have something to do, something doctory. You get that now?

SHERLOCK: Still a bit troubled by the daughter. It did seem very real. She gave me information I couldn’t have acquired elsewhere.

JOHN: But she wasn’t ever here?

SHERLOCK: Interesting, isn’t it? I have theorized before that if one could attenuate to every available data stream in the world simultaneously, it would be possible to anticipate and deduce almost anything.

JOHN: Hm. So you dreamed up a magic woman who told you things you didn’t know.

MARY: Sounds about right to me. Possibly, I’m biased.

SHERLOCK: Perhaps the drugs opened certain doors in my mind. (Beat.) I’m intrigued.

JOHN: Look, I know you are. Which is why we are all taking it in turns to keep you off the sweeties.

SHERLOCK: I thought we were just hanging out.

That was the first phrase that tripped me up. I’m too tired to look into it, but I vaguely recall something about Sherlock using this phrase before (or John) in reference to a date...

Will fill this in as soon as I recall/look it up.

JOHN: Molly will be here in 20 minutes.

SHERLOCK: Oh, I do think I can last 20 minutes without supervision.

JOHN: (thinks this over) Well, if you’re sure.

MARY: Christ, John, stay! Talk!

JOHN: Uh, sorry, it’s just, um, you know. Rosie.

SHERLOCK: Ah, yes, of course, Rosie.

MARY: Go and solve a crime together. Make him wear the hat.

JOHN: You’ll be okay for 20 minutes?

SHERLOCK: Yes - yes. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking of Rosie.

JOHN: No problem.

Sherlock: I should, er, come and see her soon.

JOHN: Yes.

MARY: Actually, he should wear the hat as a special tribute to me. I’m dead. I would really appreciate it.

(John goes to door.)

NOW. This. First of all, 20 minutes was also the time Sherlock estimated it would take Culverton’s daughter to arrive. (Which I’m sure has deeper meaning than I can currently put my finger on.)

[EDIT: @the-7-percent-solution, @teaandforeshadowing , @marcespot and @ifyouarelookingforbabynames might have cracked the code of the 20 Minutes (here). 20 Minutes into each of the episode, we get moments that support Johnlock being endgame ]

What’s going on here, then? Sherlock says he is going to be fine, not go back on the sweeties, if he is left alone for 20 minutes. John wants to go but Mary - a figment of his subsoncious mind, which has been made clear throughout this episode - tells him to TALK to Sherlock.

John, however, DEFLECTS immediately by pulling the daughter card. Sherlock suggests he should go see her (Rosie) soon, but I’m sure it’s obvious he also wants the side effect of seeing John at the same time.

John makes to leave, but Sherlock finds a way to hold him back:

SHERLOCK: Oh, by the way, the recordings will probably be inadmissible.

(John returns.)

JOHN: Sorry, what?

SHERLOCK: Well, technically, it’s entrapment, so it might get thrown out as evidence. Not that that matters. Apparently he can’t stop confessing.

JOHN: That’s good.

SHERLOCK: Yeah.

(John’s fist clenches. He turns to leave. Mary looks after him from behind Sherlock.)

Same situation: John is on his way out, Sherlock wants to stop him from leaving and asks:

SHERLOCK: Are you okay?

(John laughs)

JOHN: What, am I…? No, no, I’m not OK. I’m never going to be OK. And we’ll just have to accept that. It is what it is. And what it is is… shit.

MARY: John, do better.

Mary - John’s subconscious - wants John to do better, to TALK about his feelings. He reveals that he does not blame Sherlock for Mary’s death anymore.

JOHN: You didn’t kill Mary. Mary died saving your life. It was her choice. No one made her do it. No one could ever make her do anything. But the point is: you did not kill her.

SHERLOCK: In saving my life, she conferred a value on it. It is a currency I do not know how to spend.

Subtext: Sherlock thinks he was not worth being saved. He presumably feels residual guilt/etc., but the point is that Sherlock has a very low sense of self-worth right now.

(Pause. John smiles.)

JOHN: It is what it is.

(Sherlock averts his eyes. John takes a breath.)

JOHN: I’m tomorrow, six till ten. I’ll see you then.

SHERLOCK: Looking forward to it.

JOHN: Yeah.

John makes to leave again but this time Sherlock doesn’t seem to know how to hold him back. Well, Sherlock has been forgiven, even if he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. But the most central thing between them has been resolved.

Then... Irene Adler texts Sherlock. And John is a clever BAMF like he has been this entire episode and deduces what happened, with help from imaginary Mary. Read: John, in his mind, figures out what the text means, then confronts Sherlock about it. All of a sudden he wants to talk.

(John exits. The groaning text alert sounds. Sherlock takes a drink from his tea.)

MARY: That noise, that’s a text alert noise?

JOHN: What was that?

SHERLOCK: *looks about* Hmm? What was what?

MARY: That’s the text alert of Irene Adler. She’s the scary mad one, right?

JOHN: That noise.

SHERLOCK: What noise?

MARY: But she’s dead. (Gasps) Oh, I bet she isn’t dead! I bet he saved her. Oh my God. Oh, the posh boy loves the dominatrix. He’s never knowingly under-cliched, is he?

SHERLOCK: John?

JOHN: I’m going to make a deduction.

SHERLOCK: Oh, OK, that’s good.

JOHN: And if my deduction is right, you’re going to be honest and tell me, OK?

SHERLOCK: Ok. Though I should mention that it is possible for any given text alert to become randomly attached to…

JOHN: Happy birthday.

(Mary lowers her hands and smiles triumphantly. Sherlock swallows and nods.)

SHERLOCK: Thank you, John, that’s… very kind of you.

JOHN: Never knew when your birthday was.

SHERLOCK: Well, now you do.

Curious things about this:

John didn’t know Sherlock’s birthday.

Which makes Sherlock telling him his full name all the more intimate.

John was able to not only figure out that Irene Adler is still alive, he ALSO deduced why she was texting Sherlock on that day. Which is... wow, quite a leap, I think.

Sherlock doesn’t engage him. Now it’s Sherlock who DEFLECTS, the tables are turned.

JOHN: Seriously, we’re not going to talk about this?

SHERLOCK: Talk about what?

JOHN: I mean, how does it work?

SHERLOCK: How does what work?

JOHN: You and The Woman. Do you go to a discreet Harvester sometimes? (Sherlock closes his eyes.) Is there nights of passion in High Wycombe?

SHERLOCK: Oh, for God’s sakes, I don’t text her back!

John wonders if Sherlock is taking Irene out to DINNER - Harvester is a pub chain that advertises itself to families, as far as I can glean from my quick research. Fitting the ‘If you’re looking for baby names’ comment from ASiB. He even takes the metaphor of dinner = sex to the actual sex, aka nights of passion in High Wycombe.

As to High Wyncombe: Not certain. It does seem like an idyllic suburban area? It’s located between London and Oxford. It’s Wikipedia page wasn’t very forthcoming with connotations, so if anyone knows what this town signifies on a subtextual level, please let me know?

Sherlock, however, says he doesn’t text her back. Only later on, he admits that he sometimes does.

His denial is essential to make John conclude his arc this episode: Sherlock denying he texts back is rather vexing to John, who just lost his wife and has another view on seizing chances when they are presenting themselves to someone:

JOHN: (laughs) Why not? You bloody moron! She’s out there, she likes you and she’s alive! And do you have the first idea how lucky you are? Yes, she’s a lunatic, she’s a criminal, she’s insanely dangerous. (Mary changes sides in the room.) Trust you to fall for a sociopath!

MARY: Oh, married an assassin!

JOHN: But she’s, you know.

SHERLOCK: What?

(Mary crosses in front of them to the desk on Sherlock’s side.)

JOHN: Just text her back.

SHERLOCK: Why?

JOHN: Because Hugh Wycombe is better than you are currently equipped to understand!

Being with Irene, from John’s current guilt-striken pov, is better than not having anything with someone at all. Sherlock can’t see it because he hasn’t lost anyone like John just did.

SHERLOCK: I once caught a triple poisoner in High Wycombe.

JOHN: That’s only the beginning, mate.

THIS feels like a key to understanding this dialogue in its entirety, but I’m at least one rewatch way from connecting the dots.

So far, what I’m thinking re: mentioning the poisoner: At the hospital, Sherlock already gave away the ending by calling him the “triple poisoner”. So... the end is the beginning, mate.

The end is the beginning.

SHERLOCK: As I think I have explained to you many times before, romantic entanglement, while fulfilling for other people…

JOHN: Would complete you as a human being.

SHERLOCK: That doesn’t even mean anything.

JOHN: Just text her, phone her, do something while there’s still a chance, because that chance doesn’t last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it’s gone before you know it. Before you know it!

(A shot of Mary. Sherlock looks down, glances up, then averts his gaze again. John keeps his eyes on Sherlock.)

To me, this looks like Sherlock is thinking about how to respond. John thinks he is interested in romantic entanglements with women, but Sherlock argues against this viewpoint. He insists that romantic relationships are not fulfilling for him.

Maybe, John’s tirade reminds Sherlock of how many chances HE missed - he didn’t confess at the tarmac, when he could have. Chances don’t last forever - they’re gone before we know it.

(Excuse me while I dry my tears for a second. GAH!)

JOHN: She was wrong about me.

SHERLOCK: Mary? How so?

JOHN: She thought that if you put yourself in harm’s way, I’d… I’d rescue you, or something. But I didn’t, not till she told me to. And that’s how this works, that’s what you’re missing. She taught me to be the man she already thought I was. Get yourself a piece of that.

SHERLOCK: Forgive me, but you are doing yourself a disservice. I have known many people in this world, but made few friends, and I can safely say…

Now - Sherlock is about to seize his chance. We can only speculate as to what, exactly, he is going to say, but it is going to be EMOTIONAL and very complimentary to John.

And what does John do? He DEFLECTS. He stifles any confession Sherlock would be able to make by making a confession of his own.

JOHN: I cheated on her. (Beat.) No clever comeback? (Turns to Mary.) I cheated on you, Mary.

(Sherlock considers this.)

JOHN: There was a woman on the bus, and I had a plastic daisy in my hair, I’d been playing with Rosie. And this girl just smiled at me. That’s all it was, it was a smile.

(Sherlock looks from Mary to John. He must have deduced that John is/has been seeing Mary.)

JOHN: We texted, constantly. You want to know when? Every time you left the room - that’s when. When you were feeding our daughter. When you were stopping her from crying - that’s when.

(Mary smiles sadly. John swallows.)

JOHN: That’s all it was. Just texting. (Sherlock stares ahead.) But I wanted more. (Sherlock looks up to John.) And do you know something? I still do. (Mary smiles.) I’m not the man you thought I was, I’m not that guy. I never could be. But that’s the point. (Voice breaking) That’s the whole point. Who you thought I was … is the man who I want to be.

In the beginning of TLD, John was weighed down by guilt over cheating on Mary, not treasuring her before she died. Now, he confesses, gets it off his chest. As Culverton exemplified, confessing makes you feel better.

Confessing your darkest secrets is a leitmotif this episode, if not this entire series.

John STILL wants more. He thinks that makes him an awful man, but he strived to be the man Mary thought he was. (Sidenote: As much as I hate the redemptive arc they have given Mary - retconning the reveal from HLV, imo - her redemtive arc was essential for John’s arc here.)

John admits to wanting more and Mary - a manifestation of his guilt - tells him it’s okay to move on.

MARY: Well, then… (smiling, looking up to the ceiling) John Watson.

(John swallows, tearing up.)

MARY: Get the hell on with it.

(Mary smiles, nodding. John stares into the empty space, then brings up a hand to cover his eyes and sobs. Sherlock sets his cup down, walks over to John, and pulls him into a gentle hug.)

SHERLOCK: It’s OK.

JOHN: It’s not OK.

SHERLOCK: No. But it is what it is.

(FADE TO BLACK.)

John is grieving, moving past the loss of his wife. He still wants more and he now has absolution/permission to “get on with it”.

This is essential for Johnlock to happen. John NEEDS to have forgiven himself for cheating on Mary, and he needs to have forgiven Sherlock for the part he played in Mary’s death.

John is now free to move on. Also, there is a hug from Sherlock in it for him.

But the scene isn’t over yet.

[EDIT] It continues after a Sexy Discretion Shot.

As @escaroles points out here, the Fade To Black is significant. In times before depictions of sex and intimacy were common on screen, film language had other means of coding it. I recall a lot of trains entering tunnels from my film history classes (and hm, did we have such shots on Sherlock? *scratches head* We might have...).

So the way TLD fades to black, then re-enters the scene via an establishing shot of the building - which we don’t need since we KNOW where we are - before cutting to Sherlock and John getting dressed (parallel to Lady Smallwood and Mycroft before she makes advances) at the very least EVOKES the style of Sexy Discretion Shots. For more on this, I highly recommend you read escaroles’s meta :) [/Edit]

SHERLOCK: So, Molly’s going to meet us at this cake place.

JOHN: Well, it’s your birthday. Cake is obligatory.

SHERLOCK: Oh, well, I suppose a sugar high is some sort of substitute.

JOHN: Behave.

Once John has finished crying into Sherlock’s chest (*contented sigh*), John reveals that they are meeting Molly at a cake place.

So, John finds out it’s Sherlock’s birthday and changes the plan of Molly minding Sherlock at 221B to going out to celebrate. CAKE was what John used to get Sherlock to attend the christening, but cake is also poisonous (source of Mofftiss saying this, if I remember correctly, to follow).

It’s 2am, so I’ll leave any cake-related deductions for... later. Or someone cleverer than me.

Anyway, Sherlock calls cake a SUBSTITUTE, which reminds me of Balloon John, also a SUBSTITUTE.

And now, *drum roll*, the texting reprise:

SHERLOCK: Right then. You know, it’s not my place to say, but… it was just texting. People text. Even I text. Her, I mean. Woman. Bad idea. Try not to, but, you know, sometimes… It’s not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible feeling from time to time that we might all just be human.

JOHN: Even you?

SHERLOCK: No. Even you.

JOHN: Cake?

SHERLOCK: Cake! Oh, um…

JOHN: What? What is it? What’s wrong?

(Sherlock straightens, revealing the hat.)

JOHN: (laughs) Seriously?

SHERLOCK: I’m Sherlock Holmes - I wear the damn hat! (exiting) Isn’t that right, Mary?

(John turns to the room, but it’s empty. The camera pans back to the chairs and the still burning fire.)

I’m sure there are loads more layers to this than I can see atm, but there already are plenty.

Sherlock lied. Said he doesn’t text back - he doesn’t need romantic entanglements. BUT HE IS HUMAN. He used to equate himself with a machine, which is why John asks, “Even you?” Yes, Sherlock is human. He texts Irene back sometimes, but he thinks it’s a bad Idea. “It was just texting”, however. No passionate nights, no dinner. No sex.

John wanted more, so he cheated emotionally. Sherlock is also human, and did text Irene back. We saw it once in ASiB, and now I’m dying to know what he said when texting back, if he did it more than once, which his wording suggests.

Anyway, point is: this is one of the misunderstandings. John’s opinion on Sherlock and romance is still that he shuns all entanglements. But Sherlock is only human. He is susceptible to romance... just not from women. Not his area, after all.

The more poignant moment is, however, when Sherlock tells John that he, John, is only human, too. He is tempted, and he makes bad decisions. Like Sherlock texting Irene is a bad idea, Sherlock giving into temptation, John texting E also was a very human thing to do.

Sidenote: notice the APPLES in TST and TLD? A bowl of apples is in the shot with Sherlock in Morocco, and another bowl of likewise red apples is in his therapist’s office.

Theme: temptation. Callback to the apple in John’s bedsit in ASiP.

Sherlock makes this emotional point, compliments John again, or rather defends what John thinks is an awful behaviour on his part, and what does John do?

Right. He DEFLECTS. With cake.

Because god forbid we actually TALK about feelings.

Summing up

This scene could never have ended with a love confession because it wouldn’t actually move the plot along. John first needed to address his guilt and grief, needed to CONFESS to his cheating. Mary - aka John - forgives himself afterwards and gives himself permission to move on. Had Sherlock said anything relating to his own feelings prior to that, John wouldn’t have been in a position to respond in kind. John would have rejected Sherlock’s advances, and where would that leave us? Not with Johnlock, that’s for sure.

Reinserting Irene reinforces the one misunderstanding that has stood between John and Sherlock for two bloody seasons: John thinks Sherlock is/was interested in Irene, i.e. that he is straight and not interested in anything John might have to offer.

The talk is incomplete. John and Sherlock both DEFLECTED, they both only admitted to selective aspects, not to the full picture.

The end is the beginning. The end of Mary is the beginning of Johnlock.

And I will stand by this interpretation until this entire show ends without ever having made Johnlock canon. Consider this my vow, folks.

What the future holds

I’m sure there will be a reprise of this. And then, the nature of Irene and Sherlock’s “relationship” will have to be clarified, John will realise Sherlock isn’t interested in High Wycombe with Irene because she is the wrong gender, not because he is categorically against entanglements. Now that John is allowing himself to move on from Mary, John will be able to respond once that day comes.

Also, heteronormativity will lead the majority of the audience to believe Sherlock really is in love with Irene. It’s heterobaiting. Remember, this is the same author who gave us the exchange at Battersea Power Station. “Look at us both.” That scene went right over most viewers’ heads. These viewers will now feel ever more secure in their belief that this is a Bromance, nothing more.

But I, for one, still believe that the rug will be pulled from beneath their feet.