#PLEASE play in the end dressed like this gerard i know u can hear me

[spittingoutthebloodandscreaming]

She keeps a picture of the body she lends

Got nasty blisters from the money she spends

She's got a life of her own and it shows by the Benz

She drives at 90 by the Barbie's and Ken's

[vanderwoodlings]

my best friend: a blair/serena playlist (x)

Text version of the tracklist (and commentary) under the cut

1. “Butterflies,” Kacey Musgraves. I love this one as a sense of, like, what them together is—Now, you're lifting me up 'stead of holding me down/Stealing my heart 'stead of stealing my crown

1. “Butterflies,” Kacey Musgraves. I love this one as a sense of, like, what them together is—Now, you're lifting me up 'stead of holding me down/Stealing my heart 'stead of stealing my crown

2. “Cannonball,” Damien Rice. 'Cause it's not hard to fall/And I don't wanna scare her/It's not hard to fall/And I don't wanna lose. Flirting with your bestie,,,,

3. “I Was an Island,” John-Allison Weiss. Aaaaand we’re all the way back to being little kids—just, like, Blair especially doesn’t really let people other than Serena in, and we gotta speak to that

4. “I Think We’re Alone Now,” Tiffany. Children behave/That's what they say when we're together/And watch how you play/They don't understand

5. “Under Your Spell,” Desire. I was wondering… Do you know the difference between love and obsession? Pre-series entanglement vibes

6. “Complicated,” Avril Lavigne. Okay so yeah, obviously, there’s the sense of the Blair that no one else but Serena sees, but I think there’s also a level on which this speaks to pre-series Blair @ Serena, yk?

7. “Wonder,” Chey Rose. Sometimes I wonder/If I might love her/As more than a friend

8. “Jenny (I Wanna Ruin Our Friendship),” Studio Killers. I don't know how to say this/‘Cause you're really my dearest friend

9. “Nobody Knows Me At All,” The Weepies. Ah, what can you do? There's nobody like you. Nobody knows me at all. Thinking about Serena at boarding school, personally

10. “No One’s Gonna Love You,” Band of Horses. They’re so unhealthy at the start of the series I love it. We're reeling through an endless fall/We are the ever-living ghost of what once was/But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do/No one's gonna love you more than I do

11. “One Week,” Barenaked Ladies. Speaking of! The way Serena rolls with Blair’s anger at the start of season one feels so practiced, I think, for a lot of it—they have their rituals for when things fall apart. But it’ll still be two days ‘til I say I’m sorry

12. “I Don’t Smoke,” Mitski. Uh yeah that same thing but please remember. The kids aren’t alright

13. “I Will Follow You into the Dark,” Death Cab for Cutie. If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks/Then I'll follow you into the dark

14. “Landslide,” Fleetwood Mac. I’ve been afraid of changing/Because I built my life around you

15. “Jolene,” Dolly Parton. Hi Nate!!!

16. “Breakeven,” The Script. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you/And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

17. “Bee-Sting,” The Wombats. You drive me crazier than a wingless bee/You drive me crazier than I wanna be/Put your best dress on, better make it black/I'm going out but I'm not coming back. Isn’t it fun when they drive each other tup the wall?

18. “R U Mine?” Arctic Monkeys. But have we fully considered they get under each other’s skin like that because they can’t communicate about their feelings? I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be/And satisfaction feels like a distant memory/And I can't help myself, all I/Wanna hear her say is "Are you mine?"

19. “The Anchor,” Bastille. Let the parties end when we lose our friends/'Cause you cut through all the noise/Let the years roll on 'till the static comes. They’re soulmates <3

20. “Poison & Wine,” The Civil Wars. You only know what I want you to/I know everything you don't want me to

21. “Easy Silence,” The Chicks. I do not know how this much country ended up on here. And I've got all the world to lose/But I just want to hold on to the/Easy silence that you make for me/It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me

22. “Rivers and Roads,” The Head and The Heart. Rivers and roads/Rivers and roads/Rivers ‘til I reach you

23. “Happy Together,” Gerard Way, Ray Toro. No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be/The only one for me is you, and you for me

24. “Who’d Have Known,” Lily Allen. And even though it's moving forward/There's just the right amount of awkward/And today you accidentally called me "Baby". Getting together era

25. “Kiss Goodnight,” I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME. I hope we kiss goodnight/It might just end my life

26. “Still Into You,” Paramore. Can't count the years on one hand/That we've been together/I need the other one to hold you/Make you feel, make you feel better

27. “Cecilia and the Satellite,” Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. I always love the sense that Serena is unable to be still, even when things are good. Don’t be afraid, Cecilia, I’m the satellite/And you’re the sky

28. “Such Great Heights,” The Postal Service. And I have to speculate/That God himself did make/Us into corresponding shapes/Like puzzle pieces from the clay

29. “Boxes,” The Goo Goo Dolls, acoustic version. You are the memory that won't ever lapse/When twenty-five years have suddenly passed/Wherever you take me, it's clear I will go/Your love's the one love that I need to know

30. “Beautiful Girls,” Sean Kingston. See: the end of 1.04

Bonus track: “Call Off Your Ghost,” Dessa. It’s very intensely them, but it doesn’t fit the ‘working out eventually’ vibe of this playlist

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 8]

And here we are at the end. I hope you’ve all been enjoying the ride, because it’s about to get a whole lot weirder in this, the final chapter.

Warnings this time around: a whole lot of drug use, some underage drinking, DUI but it’s okay because Tiaa is a vampire, bestiality, and an attempted sexual assault. Also did I mention drug use? There’s a lot of drug use.

Recap: Tiaa met a panda bear named Snoofles on her way to school (please don’t think too hard about this) and learned that she can now talk to animals, among other abilities. Thanks to a vague new ability of hers, she accidentally made her mean classmate Lauren get struck by lightning while they were in a verbal spat. Edward finally decided to leave Bella for Tiaa and the two celebrated by having sex in the middle of the school. Bella walked in on them and got upset.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

hey guys sory its been so long since an update, i hav been so busy latley. sooooo..i had a fight with my old beta but i have a new 1 now an she is helpin me byut she is on vacaton this wk and next so i promise i will sort the spellin mistaks out wen i can!

Did she refuse to beta your fic after you stole her poster of Gerard Way?

Chapter 8 - the Kidnap

I sat alone in the changes rooms, i was all most naked and looked awsome with my exotic lithely hair falling down over my face like a curtan of soft yellow cream with bits of purple in it but I didnt care how beautifull or eqxisite I was any more. 

Tiaa doesn’t care how beautiful she is, but she had to start the sentence off by reminding us all how beautiful she is. And that she looks awesome. And her hair is exotic.

Whatever that means.

Edward was gone. he had left to follow Bella to stop her from killin herself and i was SO mad. 

Wait, are you mad Edward is attempting to prevent Bella from committing suicide?

how coud he leave me like that after sayin bella was a cow and he didnt like her no more? 

That doesn’t mean he’s fine with letting her make attempts on her own life, Tiaa.

I was pissed! and the tears were falling down my face like a tepid summer rain of misery and woe. 

I love this goddamn sentence.

So i went home and skipped school and sat in my room in my black corset and leather panties and i smoked some drugs and started to weep. 

To be fair, this is a really solid stoner-goth aesthetic she has going.

…wait, hold up, leather panties? 

Leather panties?

dave came in and made a big smiley face.

He’s in a really good mood for someone whose brother was murdered hours ago.

"hi tiaa! I didnt no you were home! how was school today?" (he didnt notice i was smokin drugs he thougt my cigarete of pot was a chapstick)

Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll buy that Dave visually mistook a spliff for chapstick… but can he not smell that she’s smoking weed?

"it sucks!my life sucks and i want to DIE!" i scremed and my eyes glitered with beauty.

Love how Tiaa is suicidal but still needs to make sure we know how pretty she is at all times. Reminds me of the bit in “My Immortal” where Enoby was flirting while sobbing.

"u teenagers and ur problems, LOL!" he said laughing a lot, and i knew he thougt i was just some silly kid wineing about homework and dumb boys and stuff. 

Well, replace “homework” with “getting raped by the relative of a caregiver, turning into a vampire, and accidentally seriously injuring a classmate” and Dave’s on the money.

he didnt no i had killed a man and lost the love off my life and had made lauren get hit by lighting and that all the kids at school thougt i was a freak becase my face and bodys were so diffrent from everyone elses.

Do I really need to tell this girl to stop humanizing her rapist? She killed him in self-defense! It was one hundred percent justified! C’mon, Tiaa, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Also, nobody cares about Lauren.

"dave your a good person but ur SO FUCKIN DUMB! YOU ASSHOLE!" i shouted at him and i threw my ashtray at his head WITHOUT TOUCHING IT (i could make stuff move when i was angry now...it was so weird! why did this have too happen to me!)

Well, yeah, that is weird, but I don’t get the woe-is-me attitude about it. Telekinesis is a really cool ability. Also, turns out Dave is literally so dumb that you can be an obvious nonhuman smoking weed in bed while screaming about wanting to die and he’ll take you for an ordinary teenage girl holding a tube of chapstick.

"haha, i guess your right" he laughed (he thougt i was joking, i wasnt spoiled or anythin) 

…so did the ashtray miss?

"its so nice havin you hear tiana, your so pretty. i swear your even prettier than before! 

I can’t help but feel that the amount Dave and Marie compliment Tiaa on her looks borders on inappropriate, considering she is sixteen and they are her foster parents. 

and i think your boobs hav grown!" 

Case in point.

"yeh i no they are like an E cup now" i said.

I guess it’s a good thing she’s a vampire, then, since I’m pretty sure vampires can’t get back problems.

Wait. Can vampires get high? Does being high feel different if you’re a vampire?

Dave smiled and patted me on the head and left.

That Dave!

I was so sick of bein treated like a kid and no one listenin to me that i got up and got dresed in a long black dress and took some pills (of drugs) and went out to the local nightclub which was called Pablo NIghtmare - it was a goth club were all the cool people went in forks. 

Listen, I don’t know Washington State, but in my neck of the woods small towns don’t have goth nightclubs. 

I love that she specified the pills were drugs, in case we thought they were sugar pills or something. 

bella probably had never even heard of it, LOL! 

If there is a goth nightclub in your small town, I guarantee you everyone has heard of it.

i met snoofles on the way and he came with me. 

You’re taking the panda out clubbing?

we went to the club and got drinks and started dancing to the heavy metal music. 

…I’m starting to get very confused about Snoofles. My initial impression was that he’s a regular panda bear, but Tiaa is able to communicate with him because she’s a vampire and can talk to all animals now. But I don’t think ordinary pandas go to clubs, get drinks, and dance to heavy metal music.

Although I’ve never met one, so I could be wrong.

ppl there stared at us cos i was so diffrerent looking and Snoofles was a panda, but we didnt care we were havin so much fun we were SO drunk and had taken a lot of drugs so my head was fuzzy like there was snow everywhere.

I adore the similes in this fic. No idea what Tiaa is on but I definitely know what the author means by feeling like there’s snow everywhere in your head.

"hi your called Tiana arent you? I am Jasper and I go to your school" said Jasper Cullen who was tall with blond curly hair like straw only soft and nice and not dry. 

So… not like straw, then.

he was tall. 

Yeah, you mentioned.

he was wearin a black pulover and red metal pointy shoes. (AN - haha, that descripton sounded beter in my head, OH WELL!)

No, it’s good, I dig it. Simple goth on top, bling on the bottom, may or may not be wearing pants? It’s a look.

"hey whatever" i said. "why arent you with that girl i all ways see you with?

"you mean my GF alice," he said and locked soddenly very sad and started to cry and bite down hard on his lips.

"what is wrong Jasper?" i said

"the problem is i dont love her like she loves me. i am gay, and thats wrong, and i feel so horible about it!" 

Of course he’s gay. Look at his outfit! Look at those shoes! I can’t even see him for real and my gaydar is going wild.

"theres nothing bad about bein gay u no" i said. 

"REALLY?" he sed, and looked chocked with his mouth open.

Good on Tiaa for being an ally. I love how Jasper reacts as though he’s never considered the possibility that his gayness might be alright. He’s a vampire too and has been alive for well over a century, so that’s a lot of internalized homophobia… but he’s also been around to witness the entire modern LGBT rights movement, so you’d think he might have gotten the “it’s okay to be gay” message before.

"yeah, its proper normal and Snoofles is gay and everything" i said and Snoofles waved and Jasper waves back. 

If you just got a bad feeling about what might happen next, trust your fucking instincts.

he smiled and we all stared dancing together and Jasper gave us some of his drugs.

I really wanna know what they’ve been taking, because even though Tiaa isn’t human I feel like anyone who can get high should have to worry about drug interactions. Weed and alcohol is fine, but aside from that I have no idea what the hell Tiaa is on except that she described it as “pills” and a lot of drugs that come in pill form do not play nice with alcohol. She probably isn’t going to fry her liver or anything like that given that she’s essentially undead, but I doubt she’s immune to having a bad trip.

we had a relay good time and jasper met another gay guy called Vince and we all got in Snoofleses car at the end of the night and i drove around while the others all had sex in the back of the car. 

A note: At this point in the story I quite literally had to stop the MST for a bit so I could pour myself a very stiff drink. 

The panda has a car. The panda is having a threesome with a vampire and a human in the back of his car while another vampire drives it. This is treated as normal because the panda and his two human(oid) sexual partners happen to all be gay.

Like, I’d normally feel pretty weird about the “promiscuous gay” stereotype being invoked, but I’m way too busy feeling weird that the author thinks it’s normal for gay guys to want to screw a panda because the panda happens to be gay too. Also, keep in mind Snoofles can only talk to Tiaa — the dudes he’s having sex with can’t understand him. I’m gonna say a panda who behaves like a human and owns a car is probably capable of consenting, but I still feel mighty weird about the idea that two dudes who perceive Snoofles as an ordinary, non-talking panda would want to have a threesome with him.

I guess the promiscuity aspect isn’t even bad considering how Tiaa and Edward have been acting with each other throughout the fic. The bestiality, though, I have trouble overlooking.

(i was drunk but cos i was a vampire it was ok to drive i had beter reflex than humans!)

Sure, but do you even know how to drive? In most states, it’s not legal to get a learner’s permit until you’re Tiaa’s age, so we’re not talking “experienced driver with superhuman reflexes,” we’re talking “superhuman reflexes, but on somebody who quite possibly has never sat in the driver’s seat of a car before.”

but soddenly somethin jumped into the road infront of us and i had to stop the car and get out. there was a man standin in the middle of the road he was tall and mussely and had black hair like the black feathers of a raven in the black darkness. 

But was his black hair like the black feathers of a black raven in the black darkness? I just want to be clear on the color.

he was good looking but he looked so angry i got out my samurai sword (i often have it with me!) but somone jammed up behind me and tore it from me, there were like ten people all grabbing my body in the darkness and they put a thing over my face so i coudnt see and they tied me up! 

Oh, of course, her samurai sword. Yep. Been with her the whole time.

Jasper Snoofles and Vince were too busy doing gay sex on each other to notice, i cud hear them grunting and humping and having orgasms on each other - it was so cute but now was SO not the time! 

She’s being attacked by a group of ten or more people, who have overpowered her, restrained her, and blindfolded her, in the middle of the road. Three people (well, a person, a vampire, and a panda) are present and they don’t notice this happening at all.

Like… I know they’re all intoxicated and, uh, otherwise occupied at the moment, but did they not at least pause to notice Tiaa slamming on the brakes to avoid colliding with a stranger in the road?

The men who had caught me took me away and somethin hit me over the head and i was unconshous.

when i awoken i found myself in a small dark room and the tall mussel man was in front of me. i was strip down to my underwear and i was chained to a chair with some metal chains and i coudnt move.

Tiaa has superhuman strength and reflexes. She has telekinetic abilities. She can affect objects and people by touching them. 

Yet she can’t get out of being chained to a chair?

I call BS.

"WHO ARE YOU YOU WANKY PERV!" i shoyted.

She sounds like Wheatley from “ITS MY LIFE!” now.

"I AM JACOB...THE WEREWOLF KING!" he yelled with his eyes rolling around in his face - he looked so mad and CRAZY!

Jacob’s a big dude who can turn into a wolf, but he’s also about fifteen and just learning about the whole werewolf thing, so I doubt he’d be “king” of anything. Also Tiaa could take him easy.

"NOOOOOOO!" I scremed and i try to broke myself free but i was under so many heavy chains so i looked into his wagging face insted.

I don’t know why she reacted so negatively to Jacob’s response. There is a longstanding vampire/werewolf feud in the Twilight universe, but Tiaa is very newly turned and shouldn’t know about any of that yet. Learning your kidnapper is a werewolf sucks, but if you’re already a vampire you’ve got an edge too.

"Watt do u want from me? why am i here?" i say and i started to cry.

"YOU MUST BE PUNISHED FOR WHAT YOU DID TO BELLA SWAN!" he shreeked and the drool was sloapping down his face just like rain only thick and foam-like. 

So… not like rain, then.

"YOU ARE A HALF-BREAD! 

I’ve got to change this blog’s name right away. I don’t know what I was thinking naming it “The Half-World” when I could have named it “The Half-Bread.”

Also, hold up — what did Tiaa do to Bella? Is this just about “stealing” Edward? Jacob and Edward aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, and if Bella’s single Jacob has a chance with her, so if anything I think he owes Tiaa a thank-you.

YOU SHOUD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORNE! YOUR FATHER WAS A VAMPIRE AND YOUR MOM WAS A WHITCH! ITS WEIRD AND WRONG AND NOW YOUVE BROKEN BELLAS HEART! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!" 

Well, this really does speak for itself.

This dude was insane, he was so angery he was jumpin up and down. 

Sounds like my second-grade teacher. She was the daughter of a well-known Republican senator and she had to resign after she tied a kid to a chair with a jump rope. True story.

But something he said had caugt my attention .

Good job on the punctuation.

"What do u mean my mom was a whitch?" I said.

What do you think he meant, genius?

"MY FATHER USED TO NO HER! SHE LIVED HERE IN LA PUSH AND SHE WAS A WHITCH! SHE COUD MAKE FIRE COME FROM NOWERE AND CONTROLL THE WETHER AND TALK TO ANIMALS AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF! SHE WAS A FREAK LIKE U!" 

I guess this does explain Tiaa’s extra powers, but, I have to say, I don’t think Jacob gets to criticize anyone else for being freaky when he can turn into a wolf.

Of corse! It all made sense now! 

It didn’t all make sense. There’s still an interspecies gay threesome that needs explaining.

I was so shocked I fainted,

and also got my periods and commas mixed up,

When i woke up Jacob was in front of me and he was NAKED! He was smilling in a proper creepy way and looked totaly weird like a greasy frog thing and his male genital item was not nice like edwards it was like a horible wet mushroom.

Honest to god I love these similes. 

he stroked my knee with it and i gapsed. whatt was he going to do to me! 

I think I have an idea, actually.

but sudenly before he coud come any closer the door of the room we were in burst open!

IT WAS EWDARD!

Here to save the day! And to end the fic, because this is it for “Forbiden Fruit”: BeckyMac666 left us all on a cliffhanger, so we’ll never know what happens.

I do genuinely love this fanfic. I love how it’s written, I love the similes, I love the purple prose and the melodramatic tone, and I love my girl Tiaa. It’s a truly fantastic badfic, and I’m happy I got to introduce others to it, too.

[textsfromwatchpointgibraltar]

I have... a lot of word docs open so who wants to see a little bit from each thing! yeah! Also u guys should tell me what u think....

Darkness Falls chapter 2 (Serial Killer Zen):

It did not take long for Zenyatta to realize why the Iris had called him back. He could hear its call all around him, not speaking to him but to everyone, trying to reach out to Genji but with no avail. It was evident that the cyborg hadn’t connected to the Iris at all.

“Well?” Zenyatta lifted his head, watching Genji carefully. He had, after several minutes pulled out one of his throwing stars again, flipping it between his fingers as he watched Zenyatta. Zenyatta watched him, slightly mesmerised. “You’re one of the brothers here, right? Aren’t you going to try and convince me to give into the Iris, to accept what I’ve become?”

There was bite, bitterness in his voice, and Zenyatta momentarily wondered how many of his fellows Mondatta had sent in to try and ‘help’ Genji.

Unnamed Depressed Hanzo fic:

They peep and chirp like baby birds, cling to his fingers when Hanzo holds them out over their heads. Their iridescent blue scales shimmer as small talons reach for him, and Hanzo crouches down, staring at them eye to eye. He doesn’t move until the nanny enters, an hour later, Genji in her arms.

Then, it is only to take Genji from the nanny and hold him in his lap, the pair of them staring at the pair of dragons. Genji coos at them, repeating the newly learned word for cucumber, Kyūri, as Hanzo gently holds his tiny hand out to touch the dragons. He giggles once he touches them, kicks his legs out in joy, and before long the two of them are rolling on the floor, playfully wrestling as the dragons watch.

It’s the happiest Hanzo’s been in days.

Unnamed LifeHacks fic:

“I have another question too—when I use my translocator, the feedback plate hooks into the uppermost implant, but I always feel…sick after I use it. I thought at first it was because I’d messed up when I stole the plans from the gorilla, but he repaired the issues with mine and it’s still happening.”

“It’s with your things, right? I just want to see how it sits on your back…” Sombra sat up as Ziegler left the room, listening to her rummage for her translocator in the pile of clothing she’d left in the changing cubby. “Here—put it on, please.”

Sombra kept her back to the doctor, feeling a chill rush over her bare skins, and swiftly clicked the translocator into place.

Then Ziegler swore.

“You said Winston looked at it?” she confirmed once she was finished spitting fire, and Sombra nodded slowly. “Well, he’ll have to do a few more adjustments. It doesn’t line up exactly with your top implant—there’s about two or three inches that don’t connect to it. You are extremely lucky that this hasn’t killed you.”

Sake, Bourbon, and Other Spirits chapter 2 (ghost AU):

“Some air should help clear your head too, Mei. It’s got to be a bit of a shock…” Ana sighed as they headed towards the living quarters, mapping out the fastest way to Mei’s room in her head. “I’m sure once I wind down, it’ll…it’ll hit me.”

In all truthfulness, it already was. She remembered Gerard’s funeral, the tears and speeches, the fight between Gabriel and Jack over who should take the blame for not realizing that Amelie was a sleeper agent… Ana shuddered, unconsciously pulling Mei closer.

“Ana, are you okay?” she looked down to where Mei was looking at her with sad eyes. “I—I’m sure Gerard wouldn’t want you to be sad, same with Jack and Gabriel.”

Something in Ana’s gut clenched at the mention of Gabriel, how he tried his best to shoot her in Egypt, but she doesn’t mention it to Mei. There was no need to worry her even more.

Unnamed Family Apocolypse AU:

The end of the world, in Jack’s mind, wasn’t the most exciting deal. A lifetime of trashy Hollywood movies had his mind awash with mutants and aliens and earthquakes and the earth literally splitting itself apart. In reality, it consisted more of him and Gabriel gathering up the kids and the cat, jumping into the car—which died about 30 miles out of town— and getting out of dodge once things got a little too hairy.

“We ain’t gonna die, are we, dad?” Jesse asked, the 15-year-old sounding miserable behind his mask as they climbed onto yet another hill, nothing but dust and dirt and empty skies ahead of them. Slightly behind them, Gabriel was helping Sombra onto his back, trying to balance the 13-year-old, the cat, and a backpack.

“Course not. We’ll be fine, right Gabe?” Jack replied, trying to keep any small bits of panic out of his speech. It really wouldn’t do to worry them, even as Jack looked at the scribbled map once again.

His grandfather had been a paranoid man, paranoid enough to have created a bunker in the middle of nowhere, and for once Jack was glad that he’d somehow been his favourite of the grandchildren, despite his old world views of Jack’s relationship and job.

The Boy In Shadow (My Original Project):

“Detective Cain? Call’s come in.”

Harold Cain looked up from his paperwork, a depressing batch of numbers and words that told him the city was getting worse and worse as the year progressed, and sighed. Another murder to add to the statistics, another unsolved mystery.

“Right, I’ll be right down.” After a moment, spent putting the papers back into a semi-organized pile, he looked up at the officer who was still standing in the door way. “Is something wrong?”

“Uh, well…” the officer seemed to deflate. “It’s just, well, gosh I don’t think you’re going to like this case much, sir.”

Harold gave the young man a deadpan look. “Carson, I very rarely head up homicide cases that I do like. I very much doubt anyone working here likes a homicide case. But I will take that into consideration.”

Unnamed D.Va and 76 are friends fic:

The map was Korea, cities placed at every instance where they were in the real world, although Jack faintly remembered Busan having to be moved a few kilometres inland after one of the last attacks. There where no build or buy options, no way to make more units than the 6 he appeared to have pre-made, and there was just one goal.

Survive the attack.

“Each unit is a 6 person MEKA squad. We also have one or two extra training squads, because our rate of turn over is so high, but that wasn’t programmed in.” The fact that she could talk about how many of her fellow soldiers had already, and would, die from the omnic was almost chilling. But she was young, and humour had always helped him cope, so there was no way to say if it was the same for her. “The omnic attacks at the end of 10 turns, and can’t be killed yet, only driven away.”

“Is there anyway to kill it, or is driving it away the only option?” Jack asked, and D.Va shook her head.

Unnamed Sombra is 18 and also Alejandra and looks at 76 like a father figure fic:

Huh. Gangs, gangs Jack could deal with. Quick smash and grabs in Talon warehouses and UN controlled Watchpoints, those weren’t anything new or particularly hard anymore. But Vishkar was a different kind of evil. They hid behind shiny metals, bureaucracy, lawyers, and occasionally strike teams.

“I can think of two people you should have contacted instead of me,” he finally said, and Sombra huffed as she waved her hands in the air.

“Lucio is too…good. He’d see me or my symbol and try to bring the whole gang down on my head. And the Vishkar runaway…Vaswani doesn’t trust easily, and there’s no way she’d trust me. Besides, you already saved me once, so why not save me again?” she’d moved a little closer as she spoke, and it took a moment, but Jack was able to figure out the other emotion playing out across Sombra’s face.

“You’re nervous.”

Unnamed Mei/76 fic:

“Why?” she asked, ready to hear a critique on her fighting skills, which she already knew were sub-par, or her physique, something that at least 3 people had already commented on. “I have just the right to be here as you do!”

D.Va muttered under her breath, shifting in her sleep, and 76 looked at the sleeping teenager before shaking his head.

“That’s not what I mean, Doctor. I should clarify—you shouldn’t be on this field. Winston should have picked someone else to go on this mission. It can’t be good for your nerves.”

Doctor. Doc-tor. Not a single person since arriving in Gibraltar called her Doctor, except Athena and rarely Winston. But 76…knew?

Mei shook her head, confused. “I never told you I had a doctorate…did I?” she asked, suddenly feeling very, very tired. 

Familial (Pregnant Ana fic):

“If you go and get anyone about this, I’m going to kill you, Wilhelm.” She said, eyes closed and taking deep breaths.

She could hear the large man dithering behind her, before a loud clanking let her know that he’d crouched down behind her. “Ana, if you are injured at all, I should—“

Well, it wasn’t exactly how she was planning on telling him, or any of the rest of her squad-mates, but…

“I’m not injured, I’m just pregnant, Reinhardt.”

With a sigh, she turned against the wall so she could face the larger German man, and almost laughed at how devastated he seemed to look. “Don’t worry, Jack and Gabriel already know. That’s why they’ve been so insufferable about me keeping off the front lines lately.”

Flowers for Assholes (McHanzo flowershop AU):

It was a great night, in Jesse McCree’s opinion.

The day had started out decently enough—Amelie’d stayed over, but Lena cooked breakfast for the three of them before she had to run to work, and Amelie had been almost pleasant to talk to before she too left the apartment for her job.

That left him with way too much time on his hands, and after making sure Ganymede was fed and Bastion was fully charged and not going to run over anything the roomba’d get caught on, he dressed and made his way out of the house.

Firefish (Mermaid AU):

When Hana woke, she still felt shitty but better than before. There was also something tied around her middle, tugging at her body. Looking down, she realized it was a tether of sorts, a light blue rope that connected her to a piece of the reef her and Satya were sitting at.

“Uh…S-Satya?” Hana coughed a little, clearing her throat of something and nothing at all, and the other mermaid looked up to her. “What’s this?”

“Ah. You started to drift away as you slept, and rather than lose sight of you, I tied you down so you wouldn’t float away. It is safer than letting ourselves sleep and drift from each other.” Satya replied, waving with her hand and turning the rope into blue pixels of light. “I have our course plotted—we should arrive off the coast of Antarctica here—“

Hana swam down to Satya, watching in awe as her fingers pointed out exactly where they needed to go, as well as their speed needed to get there.

Unnamed Resident Evil 2/Overwatch AU:

Gabriel Reyes was running late, something that was beyond annoying to him. He was never late, never! Hell, he’d even set his clocks five minutes late just so he’d leave on time.

But the drive from LA to Raccoon City—some small but growing city in the Midwest— was long, and there’d been a huge crash on the freeway right as he started out of the city limits. Ergo, Gabriel was going to be late.

“Goddamnit—“ he hissed to himself as he raced down the empty highway, the sky starting to turn black-blue as night approached. He was being transferred to help deal with the “disaster” in Raccoon, as his boss had called it. Attacks being called the Cannibal Murders outside of the city, an entire special forces sector of the police detachment claiming it was all because of Umbrella Pharmaceuticals, reports of entire city blocks being quarantined and barricaded…