#People are literally just walking into her office all day to tattle on each other

[ishkabibblethings]

[willcwthewisp]

next in line | marley & willow

LOCATION: willow’s workplace. PARTIES:  @detectivedreameater and @willcwthewisp. SUMMARY: marley has some questions for willow concerning a missing person from her work. CONTAINS: head trauma mentions.

Marley pinched the bridge of her nose as she fought back the wave of another headache. Her body felt like it was deflating, slowly, with each hour that passed. Her blackouts were getting worse as well, and maybe Erin had a point, maybe she should get Queenie to look at her head. Maybe the crash had done more damage than she thought. Still, she hesitated, because she felt as if something were different this time. Something had changed. She couldn’t put her finger on what, but for now, she would push it to the back of her mind. She was back at work, but only on interrogation terms. So, it was with three other officers, that she’d ended up at a call center where someone had been reported missing. Missing persons were so boring, it was the same ending every time. They were dead or no longer human. In rare occasions, under a fae promise or kept in a vampire’s basement for food. She rubbed her eyes as she went in to her first interview, with one Willow Finch. Her picture looked like she smiled too much, and Marley frowned as she walked in, unsurprised, but still disappointed, the woman matched the photo. She sat in the chair across from her. “Need any water?” she asked, motioning to the pitcher next to them. 

Getting questioned by the police was the absolute last place Willow wanted to be. Sure, they’d brought in literally everyone from the office, but she couldn’t help but feel as if she were the one under a magnifying glass, even if that wasn’t true in the least. They couldn’t have possibly come to ask about the man at her gallery, right? The one who’s arm she’d broken? After all, he said he wouldn’t press charges! But no matter what she told herself, Willow’s foot was still tapping anxiously against the office floor as the detective stood across from her. Detective… “Um- sorry- what did you say your name was?” Had the woman even said her name? She always felt at least a little better when she knew someone’s name. As for the water… “Oh- no thank you! I mean...maybe? Or...maybe not! Sorry- I just don’t know what the protocol is here. Which one’s the one that means you’re guilty again? Drinking the water or not drinking it?”

“Neither,” Marley said unenthusiastically as she watched the woman practically bounce in her chair. She talked a million miles an hour and Marley was tired. She poured herself a glass of water and then the other, scooting the extra glass towards the woman. “Neither means you’re guilty, I’m literally just offering you a glass of water.” And it was the truth, actually. Offering a glass of water was supposed to simply establish a baseline for behaviour, but this woman was so squirrelly, Marley knew immediately that wasn’t going to happen. “Stryder,” she announced sitting back and looking her over. She had big, brown eyes and shiny, blonde hair. She looked so unassuming, sitting across from her, almost an opposite to Marley’s all black outfit and her black hair and dark eyes. “So, first things first. I need you to state your name, age, how long you’ve been working here, and you daily schedule, please.” Maybe this would go better. She doubted it, but she could still hope, right?

“Neither?” Willow echoed with brief confusion, her mind working too quickly and anxiously to realize exactly what Marley meant. “But you can’t do neither- you can only take it or not take it?” How was she supposed to look innocent if neither action was the answer? It dawned on her too late what the detective had actually been getting around to. “Oh- you mean...nevermind…” Willow looked away in her embarrassment, cheeks already heating as a flush came over her cheeks. “Sorry I’m just ah- a little nervous. Not that I have anything to be nervous about!” She didn’t even really know the man that had gone missing due to mostly keeping to herself in the office. There was a reason she’d chosen a job as a telemarketer, and that reason was the exact opposite of any attempts to make friends. “Stryder?” Willow’s head titled quizzically to the side, the name ringing a bell. “You’re the woman who-” The medium glanced around as if making sure they were truly alone before leaning forward and lowering her voice. “-the woman who knows Nora?” Her back straightened against the chair as she prepared to answer the question, as if she were readying for a spelling bee at school. “Right- uh, Willow Finch. I’m 32, and I’ve been working here for…” She did a quick tabulation, grimacing when she realized how long her gallery had been closed. “About six months. Daily schedule like...work schedule or the entire day?”

Yeah, this was going to be a long day. Marley sighed and rubbed her head before setting the file down on the table and leaning forward. Oh, shit, this was that one chick from online? The one Nora had harassed? She almost groaned out loud. “Yeah, that’s me,” she said, tapping the papers, “guess I shoulda figured. Not too many Willows in a town like this.” It wasn’t an accurate commentary, really, just another dry joke. Marley’s specialty. She wrote down all the things Willow told her, watching the woman’s face closely. She wasn’t lying about any of it, not that she thought she would. But the straightened back and the momentary pauses between sentences helped establish a quick baseline, in case she did try to lie. “Like work schedule. I don’t need to know what you do with your free time, besides throw bear people around.”

Great. It wasn’t that Willow didn’t like Marley based on her first impressions online. It was just that the woman had seemed abrasive, somewhat aggressive, and a little dismissive. Okay...maybe she didn’t really like Detective Stryder. But the last thing she needed was for a police officer to know that. “Is there...not?” The medium blinked slowly, apparently not catching Marley’s dry humor in person in that same way it’d flown over her head on the forums. “Okay-” she began with a nod, this time looking as if she were getting ready for an oral examination in front of the class. “Well- I usually work five days a week. I’m full-time.” She’d needed to be to even begin to cover her bills. She’d bought her apartment in the prime of her gallery flourishing, and telemarketing wasn’t quite as profitable. “And uh- when I’m here I just...you know- call people and try and sell them things.” With the mention of bear people, Willow’s voice quieted. “I thought you said they’re called bugbears?”

Marley was just trying to drown the exhaustion out when something felt as if it were being lifted from her shoulders, and her body felt suddenly lighter. So light she almost thought she was standing up, but looked down at her hands and found herself in the same position as before. She blinked, looked around, then back at Willow. Though her head still hurt and her eyes still drooped, she no longer felt the extreme exhaustion she’d had since first waking up from her accident a few weeks ago. “Full time, got it,” she noted, picking up her pen slowly and writing that down, too. She’d completely missed Willow’s first question, but breezed right by it as if it had never been said. “When do you take your breaks? Same time every day?” she asked, glancing across the table to Willow and wondering if she was simply seeing things, or if that side of the room suddenly looked darked. “What? Oh, yeah, they are. It was just-- I just...joking.” 

A heaviness settled onto Willow as Marley spoke, suddenly feeling as if she were carrying more weight than she had been before. Rolling her shoulders, she tried to shake the sensation to no avail. Ugh, was this just another anxious symptom of being interrogated? Maybe she could just go straight to sleep after work, and shake the feeling of being drained by the sensation of being under a microscope. She didn’t feel the need to repeat the question Marley had skipped over concerning her name. The sooner she got out of her the better. “Usually I do. I like to keep a schedule and stuff.” It made it so she knew what to expect of the day. “Every now and then I’ll take it other times, though.” Why did her break schedule matter? Did they think she’d had something to do with the missing person on her breaks? Again she felt the feeling of nerves clawing up her throat, pressing her to ask her next question. “You don’t- you don’t think it was me, right? I mean honestly I would have confessed by now. I’m really bad at keeping secrets that make me feel guilty. You should ask my sister- I always ended up tattling on her, and Forest is a whole other story. Oh- Forest is my brother.” Gosh, that had been a lot of words, hadn’t it? Already it felt as if they were taking a toll on her. A lot of words meant a lot of energy.

“And what time are those breaks?” Marley asked, going down the routine list of questions. No, she didn’t think Willow had anything to do with it, of course she didn’t. The girl had accidentally confessed to hurting Nora like two seconds after finding out Marley was a cop, it was doubtful she could lie even to save her own life. Marley took in a breath and for the first time in ages, felt it reach all the way down to her toes. She couldn’t help but smile a little. “They’re just routine questions,” she told her, tapping the notebook with the pen, like children do when they have too much energy. “The faster you answer them, the faster you get outta here. I know you didn’t have anything to do with it, Willow. You’re a narc, you’d narc on yourself, proof being that you already did it once before.” She gave a smirk, shrugging as she sat back. “I really don’t need to know about your family dynamics right now. But if it turns out you did kidnap this dude, then you can tell me allll about them, sound like a deal?”

The time of the breaks? Willow didn’t understand why these were the questions being asked, and that only sent her a little further over the edge of trepidation. She didn’t know how to give a good answer without knowing what it was Marley was looking for. “Um- I usually take the half hour break first around 12:30 for lunch, and then the fifteen minute break around 3:30.” She liked her mornings longer, saving her break for later in the day when she was less fresh. Now the detective was smiling. Was that good or bad? “Okay...what are the other questions? Or is that all of them?” she asked hopefully, trying to remember if there was any more of the coffee she liked leftover in the breakroom. She wasn’t usually a big drinker of it, but the sudden drowsiness that had taken her over was inspiring her to think differently. A frown came over Willow’s lips, not entirely certain that she liked the way Marley said the words narc, and applied it to her. “What do you mean I did it once before?” Oh god, was Marley lying and she did think that Willow was the reason for the missing person? Had she accidentally somehow admitted to the crime? “I didn’t!” she insisted while her tone grew more worried. “I really didn’t I mean- I don’t even think I could fit a body in my car or anything!”

Marley noted the rest of Willow’s answers and compared them to the notes on when the man went missing, and just like she thought, none of it added up. The poor man had disappeared on the overnight shift, anyway, so interviewing the day shift seemed pointless. But the captain wanted to be thorough, and so they would be thorough. She etched a little note on the pad and closed it, looking up at Willow. “What? Oh, no-- that’s all the questions. You’re good to go.” Except Willow kept talking, rambling, worrying. If this had been ten minutes ago, Marley would have groaned out loud and walked away. But as it were, she was feeling better, so she stayed put. “You practically confessed to me about Nora, remember? You were all worried I was gonna arrest you or fine you or something.” Marley let out a loud chuckle. “Woah, hey, realx, it’s fine. I know you didn’t have anything to do with it. I’m kidding. You really, really need to learn how to read sarcasm.”

“Oh, really?” Willow managed to say once she’d finally processed that she was free to live another day, and the shackles of the man wouldn’t be clapping onto her wrists anytime soon. “Thank god,” she sighed while her shoulders sagged, still a little confused as to why the questions had left her feeling so heavy. Sure- she did poorly in situations where she thought she might be arrested, but her anxiety didn’t usually leave her this level of tired. “Oh right, Nora.” She hadn’t realized Marley had been talking about a time other than today, and it was true that Willow had been all too eager to ‘confess’ her crime of throwing Nora through a window despite the bugbear being the one to break in. Willow blinked while Marley made an attempt to calm her, somewhat surprised that the woman was trying to help in the first place. Maybe she was kinder in person than she was online. “I just...I kinda forget it exists when I’m worried,” Willow admitted sheepishly, generally fine with sarcasm if she wasn’t thinking about everything that could go wrong. “But um- I hope you find him. You know- the missing person.” She knew just as well as any other native White Crester that far more people tended to go missing than were found. It was practically a death sentence in a town such as this. Just the thought of it made her want to lie down.

[liveonmtv]

cash machine || kth

pairing: kim taehyung/f!reader genre: fluff & humor. crack actually. crack cocaine. word count: 11.1k warnings: strong language, drinking, an unwated kiss (not from tae), unsanitary jokes (i’m immature), implied sex, vomiting extra: (fr)enemies to lovers, road trip au, rich kids au but it’s barely there also they’re on summer vacation, also this story takes place in the usa JUST to drag the trip out tbh

summary: Jungkook and Seokjin get a little problematic, you have anger issues and Taehyung is under the impression that he killed a man. Also, did you mention that you’re on your way to your unfunny cousin’s wedding? Go on a road trip from Missouri to Las Vegas and you’ll be in for a hilarious yet scary experience! 

a/n: hi! i’m just starting this account out, so reblogging would mean a lot to me. i’m a novice to writing, so criticism is welcome as long as you’re not rude about it. have fun reading (i hope)! i also have a jungkook fic planned next (:

song

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Jungkook has that look in his face, the one he makes where the person sitting opposite of him is about as depraved as he is. He’s given it to you while you were explaining to him how to scam desperate men under the preface of a faux premium Snapchat and he’s given it to Jimin when they were finishing their high school careers and decided to release grasshoppers in the principal’s office. 

However, if there’s one person that’s about as fucked up in the head as he is, it’s Seokjin. The man also suffers from SMSTS as well (Serious Misconception of Sexual Tension Syndrome, and yes, that’s quite a lot of s’s), which doesn’t hurt given the current affairs. 

While Jungkook is aware that Jimin and Hoseok are always up for a bit of mischief, he has ruled them both out as incompetents and moved on to the real deal. Jimin has these rare moments of sanity and Hoseok, as your most loyal little bitchboy, would probably tattle the situation with made-up details to you before the plan is even set in action. 

So, Seokjin it is. 

The story begins in a faraway land before Jungkook knew about the tragic facets of your family’s relationships. Though his friend group is on good terms with your siblings and your other close relatives are aware of their existence and somehow only have good things to say about them, he never thought they’d be invited to your cousin’s wedding. To be fair, you had to do some serious persuasion for your family to allow you to invite six more people to somebody else’s wedding so there’s that factor contributing, but still, the offer is out of the blue.

Somewhere along the way, you went on a tangent about how much you hate your cousin and how your aunt doesn’t have eyebrows and how bothersome it is to look at her face. Your horror stories were mostly you just being your usual dramatic self, but they also revealed that the [L/n]s aren’t what they appear to be. 

You begged and begged for them to accept the invitations, and though Namjoon and Yoongi, unfortunately, couldn’t make it, the others agreed. 

Then arose the problem of the sixth spot that couldn’t be filled. You would’ve just let it be but your parents insisted that if you’re going to ask for something, you should fulfill it until the end. It was Namjoon you’d asked to come first, but he was busy with visiting family back in Seoul, and Yoongi then declared that he didn’t feel like humoring you this once. And that was the exact moment Jungkook decided to strike.

“You want to play matchmaker?” Jin asks. And though he looks almost skeptical, his tone is definitely an excited one. “With [Y/n] and Tae, of all people?” 

“Well yes, think about it logically,” he explains as he is about to say something completely illogical. “She has that sixth spot to fill, she has no other friends and they’re perfect for each other. All the other shit we’re gonna pull is just for fun, though.”  

Jin laughs an evil laugh, always one to be up for evil schemes. Just another evil day in the evil life of Kim Seokjin. “Well, [Y/n] is Tae’s perfect mean girl. And that girl needs either therapy or to get laid, but like, same.” 

“See? You get me.”

“To be fair, I think that goes for all of us. No offense.” 

“None taken,” Jungkook agrees. “Anyways, I was thinking of a… road trip.” 

“Well you didn’t have to be so dramatic about it, this isn’t The Godfather. Though I do feel like I’ve definitely got a bit of Michael Corleone in me.” 

Jungkook shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly at the other fiend’s remark. “You can pray to god all you want. Here in these streets, the only thing we believe in is El Chapo.” 

“I— Okay…” 

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[11:05] LeBruh James: wtf is wrong with u

[11:05] LeBruh James: get help seriously

[11:06] jk the slump god: all i said was that u should invite taehyung as the 6th person to ur cussin’s wedding 

[11:06] jk the slump god: overreacting arent we 

[11:10] LeBruh James: what the hell is a cussin bitch im gonna kill u

[11:13] jk the slump god: not like u have anyone else to invite tho 

[11:13] jk the slump god: hes not that bad ur just being urself

[11:14] LeBruh James: ur literally Not helping ur case rn

[09:45] LeBruh James: none of the girls want to gooooo

[09:45] LeBruh James: fine if it has to be taehyung ig ill live w it

[10:30] jk the slump god: great he already said yes

[10:30] jk the slump god: btw we’re gonna go in las vegas at the end of a road trip u in?

[10:33] LeBruh James: HE SAID YES BEFORE I EVEN INVITED HIM…

[10:33] LeBruh James: EYE. OK.

[10:33] LeBruh James: on one hand i kind of dont want to see any of u but if ur all gone i wont have anything to do b4 the wedding so i guess im in by proxy

[10:34] jk the slump god: lovely doing business with u y/n-chan

[10:36] LeBruh James: call me y/n-chan again and I Will Put ur Dick-Chan in a Freezer-sama and then Cut-san it off

[10:39] jk the slump god: i dont think ur using the honorifics correctly tbh..

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“I don’t see how this is a good idea,” you state with a dramatic pout while looking out of the window. Your expression is solemn. 

Taehyung kind of can’t believe that you’re throwing a tantrum just because you had to sit next to him in the three-row SUV, but on the other hand, he’s kind of into it. You’re more appalled by the fact that he’s not as disgusting up close as you’d imagined him to be. Well granted, you’re being immature, but it’s your shtick so they take it with a grain of salt.

“Why’s that?” Jungkook asks obtusely. He ruined your life the moment he started calling you [Y/n]-chan and he has that bad case of crazy eyes he gets sometimes when you look at his reflection in the mirror going on right now. You’d be more understanding of his condition, hadn’t your trip started barely five minutes ago. 

“What do you mean why is that? We’re all unstable backstabbing lunatics, do you think we can survive together for six whole days?! Stranded or even in a hotel? And then the ride back to Springfield?”

“Hotel? You’re funny. It’s always been my dream to sleep in a motel,” Jin pipes up. 

“Seriously? No limo, now this.”

“Hotel, motel, holiday inn,” Hoseok starts singing. Perhaps if it was queen Britney, it would’ve curbed your temper but fate doesn’t seem to be that kind. 

“Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn!” 

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“So we’re not going to visit the Grand Canyon?” 

“It’s in Nevada,” Jimin explains. “We don’t have any business there except for going to the wedding. I’d be more down to do it if I wasn’t afraid that one of us, meaning [Y/n], would push one of the others, meaning you, in the gutter.” 

“Just a little visit?” Taehyung is talented at only hearing what he wants to hear. However, that doesn’t make the conversation any more productive.

“Well not to be the acrophobic buzzkill, but why are you so adamant about visiting the Grand Canyon?” This is the first time you’ve directly addressed Taehyung since the beginning of these mind-numbing two hours. Jin, hands still on the wheel, dares to take a peek at Jungkook and smile an asshole-type smile before almost accidentally crashing into a pole. 

“Watch the road!” Hoseok cries out. Everyone else either refuses to acknowledge what just occurred or decides to spare themselves from doing so.

“Jin says that he always wanted to sleep in a motel. I have another dream.” 

“To visit the Grand Canyon?”

“Not exactly. I want to take a shit in there and see if I can hear it splatter. Think that’s possible?”

“Maybe if you angle your butthole the right way—” Jimin’s explanation is cut short.

“Oh my god, you are disgusting. Shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”  

“What did I tell you about El Chapo, [N/n]?” 

“What about El Chapo?”

“Holy shit, I think I’m confusing conversations,” Jungkook admits. Jin offers no more than an eye-roll.

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Tulsa is a dump, really. Unfortunate that you had to make a stop here but also you’re satisfied because your right asscheek feels numb right now. Might have to take Kelly for a walk, though.  

Taehyung stumbles out of the vehicle after you and all six of you seize each other fleetingly before making your way towards the gas station, a tense sort of silence following. You’re first to speak up. “Y’know, I’ve been listening to your voices for so long now that I don’t wanna look at your faces.” 

“This tbh,” Hoseok agrees with your most profound sentiments as per the usual. He’s quick to match your pace, trailing after you like a lost puppy, successfully getting Taehyung out of his way. He puts his arm around your shoulders casually and you give him that sardonic smile that’s only really reserved for him.

“Don’t say tee-bee-aytch out loud. I get humiliation by proxy.” 

Jungkook makes an exaggerated gagging sound before nudging Taehyung subtly enough that Jin is the only one who sees the interaction. Though the eldest had agreed with his deranged idea, there’s one thing that Kook knows that Jin hasn’t come to find out. 

Taehyung has an ongoing problem or maybe he’s a masochist. He’s always been one to internally get attached to these girls who’d never give him the time of day, who can’t stand him at all. The tragedy-comedy that is his best friend’s love life started on a rainy day in second grade when a girl by the name of Seulbi punched him in the face and he was hooked on her for three years after. 

After the infamous Seulbi, came Yeonji from the cheerleading club who blew off his invite to his first-ever party when they were fifteen. She’d called him a loser to his face and he was smitten with her for a while, too. 

And then, you appeared in his life seemingly out of nowhere. Hoseok’s catty best friend with a tongue sharper than her stilettos and lipstick that goes perfectly with her skin tone. 

Of course, he was aware of your existence prior to that accident he calls his first conversation with you—be it from the exciting yet flat-out brain dead antics Hoseok would describe you’d gotten caught up in at the time or from the sound of your heels sinking into the floor promptly before you entered math class.  You were always late but claimed that the teacher should be grateful because you cut in line to arrive at school earlier. You always had one of those shitty overrated pumpkin spice lattes in your manicured hands. 

Simply put, Taehyung likes you. Though after your disastrous first meeting during which, blunt-natured and seemingly lacking a sense of self-preservation, he called you a stuck up moron and you threatened to make an attempt at his life. With your bullheaded nature, things never did solve themselves after that one instance.

It’s not something that he’s expressed outwardly, but Jungkook knows him better than he knows the back of his hand. Unfortunately, he knows you too, even if not as well and he knows how you can’t get a boyfriend because you either scare them away or you find out they’re only after a quick fuck and some money. 

Regardless, Jungkook writes off his inner ramblings as irrelevant before turning to Jin in what could be described as a conspirative manner. While clumsily handing the cashier gas money, he whispers something in the other man’s ear and Jin’s eyes literally twinkle like he’s in a low-budget porno. 

He nods, furiously so, and the cashier simply stares at them like they’re two idiots that somehow merged into one. It’s not a pretty sight. 

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“What? We’re sleeping out here?” Your whining is to be expected by now. Had any of your friends written an actual, physical, list of all the things you’ve complained about so far, it’d probably fill a notebook. Thankfully enough, said list remained as a mental compilation of your not-so-epic moments. “What about the motel?” 

“Oh, so now you want a motel?” Jin quips back with a smirk. “They always come ‘round.” 

Despite his boasting and apparent eagerness to go to a motel, that doesn’t change the fact that you all find yourselves in a campsite. You’re not an outdoor person save for going to parties or on a shopping spree with Hoseok. And well, your surroundings are a bit too green right now.

Taehyung is the next person to speak up, with a tense posture and his arms crossed over his chest, almost defiantly so. “Honestly, if you don’t want to be here, I don’t understand why you keep coming to these things.”

“Well, I don’t understand why I had to invite your dumb ass here either. I guess the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” 

“Yeah, I thought Namjoon or Yoongi would be more fitting for your taste of guest,” he says, outright taunting you now, as if to remind you of your failed love rendezvous with your now close friends. 

“Well yeah, but they both denied, so I had to invite you.” 

“Ah,” he gives a slight sigh and you dismiss the sadness you register in his voice as something deserved for annoying you, “that does make more sense. Lucky me, I guess.”

“Awkies,” Jungkook announces as if it’s something that needs to be announced. Hoseok simply shrugs, and though you’re definitely not looking forward to sleeping out in the woods, he seems excited to try something new. 

There’s something hilarious about seeing a bunch of upper-class kids trying to set up tents and start a fire. You’ve converted to the cavemen with Hoseok, seemingly unaware that engaging in a one-sided debate with a bundle of sticks won’t make them randomly engulf in flames while Hoseok is trying out a trick he saw in the movies.

Honestly, it’s enough of a miracle that you actually went out in the woods and helped without tripping your silly ass and getting lost among the catacombs. Granted, Hoseok would’ve been compassionate enough to look for you had you gotten lost, but you probably wouldn’t get over the trauma of being covered in mud. 

Taehyung notices you both struggling. Part of him wants to make amends with you and a bigger part of him wants to leave Jimin to scramble on his own. Not that he’s sadistic or anything, he just likes seeing others suffer sometimes for entertainment purposes. 

Anyways. 

He approaches casually, like the kind of casual where you can tell that the person has an ulterior motive that they don’t want to reveal. Hoseok appears happy to see him, like he’s a savior on a white horse, while you don’t acknowledge him that much except for a sharp question regarding what he wants. 

He greets the older boy with one of these grins you won’t admit you enjoy looking at before roaming through the pockets of his jacket. Now that you’ve noticed him wearing one, you come to the sudden realization that it is getting quite breezy. 

Taehyung has the habit of scrunching his nose when he’s looking for something and then unconsciously smile broadly after succeeding in finding it. You don’t like that you’re aware of that and you especially don’t like that you can pinpoint the repetitive action.

It appears that Taehyung was looking for a lighter, of all things. 

“I thought you quit smoking?” You simply give him an incredulous look. 

He doesn’t grace you with an answer. Though he doesn’t reek of the putrid smell, you’re still hoping that the answer to that question is yes. Instead of soothing your curiosity, however, he uses the lighter to ignite a spark in the firewood and you guess that it’ll have to do.

“Well, that was quite pathetic,” you comment unhelpfully. 

“Better than Hobi’s attempts and uh, whatever the fuck you were doing.” 

Hoseok is enthusiastic to announce that the bonfire’s ready. You watch the clumsily prepped three tents in disinterest, not bothering to defend your attempt at enchantment to him. “Hoseokie, you’re gonna share a tent with me right?” 

“Hoseokie,” Jin repeats, but in good fun, “I thought you were gonna crash with me tonight?”

You roll your eyes before redirecting your gaze towards Jimin and Jungkook. By the guilty smile Jungkook gives you, you can tell he doesn’t plan on letting Jimin out of his clown clutches. You narrow your expression and jut your lip out disapprovingly. 

“Well, Mr. Handsome,” Jin interrupts whatever you have to say with a thank you, “since you and Kook have been jointed by the assholes since we got here, I don’t see what the problem is.” 

“I think you’re just saying that because you don’t wanna sleep with Tae,” Hoseok comments obliviously. 

“What he said. Also, these crackwhores are planning something, and I’m going to find out what.”

“Well, you’re in tough luck because Hoseok promised,” Jin argues, emphasizing the word promise. He has a shit-eating grin on his face and he’s not even denying your accusation. 

Taehyung coughs once. The second time is overkill and sounds even faker than the first one. “Sorry, but if [Y/n] isn’t comfortable sharing the tent with me, it doesn’t really matter what Hoseok promised.” 

You gape at him. This is probably the first intelligent thing that you’ve heard come out of his mouth. You almost reconsider your treatment of him after that, but then you remember that a guy being half-decent isn’t something you’re supposed to celebrate. You suppose that even he looks like a saint compared to some of your exes.

Everyone notices the conflict on your face but doesn’t say anything about it. Jin admits that Taehyung’s right with a wail yet the tension doesn’t dissolve, somehow. You excuse yourself by declaring that you’re going to get the blankets out of the SUV. 

“Damn, that bad huh?” Jungkook laughs. It’s the hyena laugh that kind of doesn’t suit his face but also the one he does when he’s having fun for no good reason. 

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“I heard in the girls’ bathroom once that this girl went on a diet where she only eats bananas for three months. Like, five a day,” you explain while you munch on your banana in front of the bonfire. Needless to say, you’ve come out to be severely underprepared in terms of food on your first day. 

“That sounds like a strategy to make yourself unhinged,” Hoseok retorts. He believes your story but he’s skeptical about that banana business. “I’d never do that.” 

“Me neither. Diets are stupid, anyway, can’t a bitch eat?” 

Jungkook reaches over and high-fives you, looking at you like you’ve just invented air or some shit. “Amen to that sister.” 

“By the way, what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jimin is the one to speak up this time. 

“I have quite the plan for you, alright,” Jin laughs. His next statement, however, is the embodiment of his immature nature. “But that banana talk had me all distracted.”

Everyone collectively groans. You’re not really sure if what he said would classify as a dad joke at this point; you’re now entering single-and-desperate-dad joke territory. Can’t say that you’d enjoy it coming from someone else, but Jin is Jin.

“Anyways,” he dismisses his previous remark with an easy-going smile and a wave of his hand in thin air, “we’re going to a breakfast place first thing in the morning. By foot.” 

His grin is mischievous. You think this is the worst idea he’s had yet and no one else present seems attracted by the prospect of it either, so you vocally oppose him with a raised brow. “Don’t you realize how likely it is we’ll get lost?” 

“Yeah, I also don’t wanna walk too much.” Hoseok’s always one to back you up.

“Technology doesn’t lie, [Y/n].”

“If technology doesn’t lie how come I had a D on my maths test in junior year when I used Photomath?” 

Hoseok agrees, remembering the incident. That day was truly one of sorrow. 

“Technology only lies if you’re gullible enough,” Jin now changes the narrative. 

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You sneak out of your and Hoseok’s tent with a brief explanation thrown over your shoulder. Something about getting your make-up wipes from the trunk. Hoseok mutters inspiring words of advice—be careful, it’s dark and who knows what animal puke is on the ground—and you stumble your way to the SUV. 

Shoving the keys in the hole proves to be a difficult task, however. You aimlessly jut it in, hoping to hit the correct place by some sort of miracle. This is the moment that you realize that your eyes aren’t so good at adapting to the darkness. 

“Hey, what’re you doing?”

You jump up out of pure reflex. Startled, you whip around with a bemused look on your face. You’re gonna get wrinkles, damn it. 

“Woah, girl jumps in heels,” Taehyung comments dryly. 

“Don’t sneak up on me, you idiot cokehead,” you retort. You’re not sure why you said that. He’s not a cokehead. 

“No, but seriously, what’re you doing?” 

“I’m trying to look for my make-up wipes.” 

Taehyung takes the keys from you. Without half as much fumbling as you’d done previously, he opens the trunk and you proceed with looking through your purse, only to come to the conclusion that you’ve forgotten your make-up lines somewhere. There’s now a new resolve, clear as day in your twisted mind—you have to find the supermarket you passed by on your way here and buy new ones.

“Did you find them?”

“No.” You scoff. An angry thaw and the trunk is now closed. “I’m going to buy some.” 

“Woah, calm down tiger. Can’t you just sleep with it?” 

“No! Do you know how bad that is for your skin?” 

“Well, we could find a river and you could wipe your face with the dirty water.” 

You give him a blank stare, barely suppressing a small giggle. “Do you understand how ridiculous you’re being?” 

“I’m being ridiculous?”

Silence.

“...You’re not planning to go off in the woods during the dawn of asscrack, right?” 

“The what? Yeah.”

Taehyung looks towards your tent only to see that the light is completely shut down. Hoseok must be asleep already. “I’ll go with you.” 

You roll your eyes. “Do whatever you want.” 

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“So, why do you hate your cousin so much?” Taehyung asks abruptly from behind you. 

Most of your walk has been a silent one, so far, except for an occasional grumble from you and an absentminded one-liner from him. There’s also the sound of sticks crumbling under your high-heels that’s slightly irritating. 

“Because she’s unfunny,” you reply seriously.

“You have issues.” This is probably the least significant reason someone has ever hated somebody else for, in the entire history of hatred. Strangely enough, however, Taehyung can’t help finding it endearing how outlandish you can be.

“I’m sorry, I must have Alzheimer’s because I don’t remember asking,” you snap with a roll of your eyes. 

“You know, I have a dog,” he begins dramatically. “And sometimes he shits on the carpet and one time he puked on me, but I still love him very much. He’s gang, you feel?” 

“I don’t see how that helps with my family situation.”

“I never said it’s supposed to help, I just wanted to talk about myself.” He snickers. You’re getting the most violent of urges. 

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Leering over the thin metal fence that looms over an otherwise mundane hill gives you an idea. Down the admittedly high hill, the supermarket is obnoxiously lit up. However, the hideous sight doesn’t deter you—this is what your nirvana looks like in the given moment.

With one bold move, you lift your leg up the fence and Taehyung considers you, your motives and perhaps even your life until now. “What are you doing?” 

“It’ll be faster if I go down the hill.” 

“You’re gonna break your ankles in these shoes,” he rebuts, his voice a tilted monotone. “Also, I can see your underwear like this.” 

“Perveeeeert.” This is your final taunt before you do make it over the short fence and onto the other side. Examining the hill from up close—but not before you roll your miniskirt down—you come to two conclusions. The first one is that it’s quite steep and the second one comes when you’re one step down, that maybe, just maybe, you’re a bit deranged.

With your back turned to him, you don’t get to see Taehyung experiencing the five stages of grief. There’s obvious conflict on his face and to be precise, his current dilemma is between worry for you and a lack of power to stop you. Perhaps had you turned around, you’d find the sight entertaining.

His movements are leisurely once he does get in motion. Taehyung’s plan is to simply help you up now that he noticed that you’re hesitating to go further than you’ve already gone. 

His voice cutting through the night’s silence startles you. “Hey, you really shouldn’t do this.” 

You stumble. 

As tragic as that is, there’s something else to placate you; you’ve never seen Taehyung move so fast. Not even during the blip test in high school. The rest of his actions are less endearing—he throws you over his shoulder carelessly, stumbles onto the sidewalk and drops you like it’s hot. And then your legs are a bit wobbly, but you pretend they aren’t. 

The unnerving silence remains all the way to the supermarket, then back to the campsite and even when Taehyung’s awkwardly using his phone as a flashlight in your face while you remove your make-up. There’s nothing to say, except maybe if he were to ask you a question that’s not to your liking.

(He’s not that bad.)

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Jin is in a hurry, but you’re not sure what for. It’s been practically less than a day since you started this road trip, but it feels longer. You’re conflicted about how to feel regarding that, but even so, Jimin and Hoseok’s enthusiasm is hard to ignore. 

The feline smile on your face drops the moment Jungkook basically drags you out of your tent, bare-faced and severely underdressed. Well, to be honest, you blend in with them just fine, but in your head, you’re severely underdressed. Something more boujee is usually your style, but you realize your predicament won’t magically change the longer you’re walking in what feels like the middle of nowhere. 

Tusla is gross, yes, but maybe Oklahoma is just gross in general. 

When you’re unhappy, you don’t get shy about it—honesty is the best policy, after all. So you’re going on one of those annoying tangents you like to go on like it’s second nature to you. Maybe it is. 

Taehyung drones out whatever it is you’re saying the moment you start talking about a pimple in your nostril that has hair growing out of it. He’s not particularly grossed out by this revelation, rather, he doesn’t like listening to you go on and on about everything you don’t like about yourself. 

“And I couldn’t put on that necklace you got me for my birthday,” you complain before linking your arms with Hoseok’s and feigning a sniff.

“That is pretty horrible,” he hums in agreement. “I think I have a rash on my thigh.” 

“See, if Jungkook wasn’t being horrible I could probably get some kinda product to smear on it.”

Taehyung feigns a loud yawn. Tagging along with you and Hoseok isn’t as tiring as he’d like to make it out to be. 

“What’re you yawning so blatantly for? I hate being interrupted.” You roll your eyes cockily. 

“Sorry, I almost fell asleep during this uninteresting speech of yours.”

You fume again and Hoseok reassures you with something along the lines of don’t worry, [Y/n], it’s very interesting. Then, silence follows. It always seems to end up like this between the two of you. 

“Well, if it helps,” Taehyung starts, tone breezy, “you’re still beautiful.” 

You feel your face heat up. Sure, boys have given you plenty of compliments before—you’re no stranger to it—hot, sexy and maybe pretty on a good day. But beautiful? Especially without any make-up on? This is definitely something new. 

Hoseok smiles. “Yeah, he’s right.” 

You don’t want to admit just how flattered you really are. “Of course I am.”

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You take the first thing you find to your liking once you reach the breakfast place. Actually, it’s more brunch than it is breakfast, but all that walking is making you starve so you don’t feel particularly inclined to be hung up on semantics. 

“It’s on me.” Jungkook sweeps in smoothly, giving you a flashy smile. 

“Fuck off. I’m still mad at you.”

“You might be, but not for long,” he argues with an obnoxious grin on his face. “They call it… The Kook Effect.” 

You shake your head. “I’m pretty sure you just made that up.”

“Yeah? Remember when you won a bet against Jimin and he had to call you Supreme Majesty in freshman year? And then you pretended that he did it out of his own volition.” 

“Oh, I’m not taking this from you and your dead trim.”

“My trim is fine, thanks.”

“Dead trim!” you repeat, almost frantic. You’re so caught up with Jungkook’s dead trim that you don’t notice that Taehyung is giving you a cheesy smile as he buys you your food. He looks like the greasiest gentleman alive when he hands it to you. 

“And what’s that about?”

“In junior year, at summer camp, they took away our phones because someone recorded the instructor jerking off. And then like, blackmailed him.” 

You quirk an eyebrow up at this, unsure what he’s hinting at. “Right.”

“Right. And then they took all of our phones for a month and you started crying about how your life is a living nightmare.” 

“Right…” you trail off, suddenly embarrassed as if that hadn’t happened a whole two years ago. But like, it totally was a big deal! “The no phone rule was the worst. Even worse than the public bathroom rule.”

“I did it. I’m making it up to you,” he explains. 

You feel your mouth twitch into a small smile, one that he hasn’t quite seen on you before. “I forgive you this once, then.” 

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“We’re going to a hotel after sightseeing,” Jin explains. It’s like he’s got everything figured out all by himself and perhaps with the help of Jungkook’s annoying personality. “I arranged the rooms and everything while you were eating.” 

“Quite epic,” Jimin comments absentmindedly. “Wait, rooms? Like, you mean who’s rooming with who?” 

“Yeah, I finished the registration.” He stares directly at you and then Taehyung. “You could switch if you wanted to, it doesn’t really matter.”

You give him a light glare, already having a brief idea of what he’s done, but don’t comment any further. With a sense of deja vu, you speak up again. “What about the motel?” 

“I wasn’t sure if we’re going to be passing by one today, so I thought hey! Better safe than sorry.” 

Everyone nods in half-agreement until Jin speaks up again. “Plus, you guys reek. You should shower. Couldn’t be me.”

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Predictably, Jin did set you and Taehyung up. You can’t tell what kind of game he and Jungkook are playing, however, the poor boy isn’t half as insufferable in your eyes ever since this road trip began, so maybe you should thank them. Still, you don’t trust them—their minds are as twisted as yours.

As the two of you are dragging your luggage towards your shared room, Taehyung reminds you that you’re free to tell him if you don’t want to sleep with him. “I could go to Jungkook’s room or something.”

You find the idea of being alone more unfavorable than you thought you would. Perhaps your high-school, drastically more histrionic, self would’ve found anything more pleasant than sharing a room with Taehyung. You’re a (slightly) changed person now, though. Or at least you’d like to believe you are.

“Let’s put it like this. I hate a lot of things.”

“You don’t need to tell me that, I already know,” he interrupts with a crude giggle. 

“But you’re not one of them,” you admit. 

There’s also the fact that the two of you are blatantly ignoring that you could switch with Jin and sleep with Hoseok instead.

No more words are spoken between the two of you that day. New Mexico isn’t half as bad as Oklahoma was. 

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You wake up before Taehyung does, punctually so. Rolling out of bed, you partly don’t care whether you wake him but at the same time, you try to avoid making too much noise before slipping into the bathroom. Though you’re definitely one to value your beauty sleep, yesterday’s incident left you paranoid over whether Jungkook or Jin would catch you unprepared. 

You go through your routine calmly and by the time Taehyung goes in the bathroom to take a piss, you’re ready to start doing your make-up. You stare at the foundation in your hand but before you can apply it, you hesitate. 

Do I need make-up to be desirable?

Of course, you’re aware that not all women who use make-up are insecure, or that it’s always necessarily toxic for your self-esteem. And you thought that was the case with you as well, but your doubts suggest otherwise. Swiftly, you put all of your stuff away, stick with your trusty lipstick and nothing else. 

“Morning,” he says, groggy still. 

“Morning.” You look over to him from the corner of your eye and he looks kind of dazed. “Jin says we’re staying here until tomorrow morning.” 

“Cool. Hotel’s nice. The scenery too.” 

“I guess.” 

There’s something cripplingly awkward when the two of you aren’t hurling insults at each other, you realize. 

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You’re off somewhere with Hoseok and Jin when Taehyung is hanging out with Jimin and Jungkook. Turns out their room has a nice balcony, and with the others out of the picture, there’s some kind of buzzed chatter about incoherent topics swirling around. 

Jungkook suddenly decides that it’s a good idea to start talking about his sexcapades. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe his mind’s slipping. Jimin kind of wants to admit how much he doesn’t care what his friend does outside of watching anime and playing video games, but there’s also a part of him that’s morbidly intrigued by Jungkook’s words. Like a dark spell or something. 

“I wanted to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school,” he admits bluntly.

The other two stare at him.

“Oh really? What made you change your mind?” Jimin asks, now more awake than ever. 

“Dunno. Like, she’s more like, the bitchy rival in rom-coms, not the protagonist. I liked her, but I didn’t think I could handle her,” he admits.

“Once we were clubbing and this guy was messing with me and I complained to her about it,” Jimin begins, leaning into his chair with a fond smile on his face, “and she was all like, I’ll show him. And I was like, what? And she was like, I’ll show him who he’s dealing with. And then I was like, okay, maybe don’t show him that much.” 

The three of them chuckle. Taehyung talks for the first time in a while. “Nah, I agree.”

“You dig it though, right?” 

Jimin gives him a knowing look right after Jungkook shoots his question with a drunken smile. He guesses that since Hoseok isn’t here, he can finally admit it. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I can’t get things right with her.” 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like, we’re either fighting or it’s really awkward.” 

“You’re on your own.” Jimin dismisses him with a wave of his hand. “I don’t think she hates you that much. It’s always Taehyung this, Taehyung that.” 

“True,” Jungkook agrees. “Like yes, maybe she’s complaining about you half the time and I know she loves gossiping but I’ve never heard her talk about someone else that much. Except maybe Yoongi. What I’m sayin’ is, you should give it a shot.”

“Why do you guys even fight so much?” Jimin laughs. “Whenever it happens, I like, forget what even happened to lead up to that.” 

“Well, you know me. I’m always too honest for my own good and when I hit her with some snark she starts getting all defensive. I just...” He sounds defeated by the time he’s finished with his explanation. Taehyung’s shoulders visibly slump and his frame slides down the uncomfortable chair. “I just want to get along with her.” 

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The fourth day is the first time you actually aren’t sure where you are. Save for supposedly being close to Nevada by now, you tuned out the rest of Jin’s explanation despite your previous attempts at keeping up with your location. 

Regardless, what’s important is living in the present. And the present for you right now is walking down a nameless street, in a mess of other tourists, with your pants uncomfortably sticking to your ass with sweat. In short, you feel gross. 

Taehyung doesn’t seem to be having the same problem, while you can’t even fake being unfazed. You envy him just the tiniest bit. 

A trashy souvenir shop seems to catch Taehyung’s attention. In the scorching heat and sand-yellow scenery of this town, however, even that seems more appealing. So when he urges you to go with him, you find yourself reluctantly agreeing. 

When you step in, the air conditioning of the otherwise homey shop welcomes you like taking a breather during an overcrowded party. You let an unconscious smile take over your face when you greet the cashier. She’s cute and her adorableness factor only spikes up when she practically beams at the sight of customers. 

“Hi! Please, feel free to look around.” 

“We will,” Taehyung answers offhandedly. Her gaze lingers on him. 

Most of the things don’t interest you. Actually, they’re hideous if you had to be completely honest. He doesn’t seem that enamored by them either, but you can tell he finds more redeeming qualities about them than you do. 

Your eyes almost bulge out of your face when you see the most live-laugh-love-esque decoration to exist. Like something your mom would laugh-react to on Facebook. 

The offender is no more than three inches tall and wide, a ceramic plate with a cartoony burger portrayed on it. It’s holding a flag that says two simple words: “Nice Buns!” 

You can’t tell if it’s the radioactivity of Jungkook’s cooking from earlier or if this thing is what’s making you nauseous. However, food-poisoning or not, you’re quite disgusted by what you’ve just seen. “Oh my god, the caucasity.” 

“Aw, you don’t like it?” Taehyung says with a mocking pout. “I think it’s cute.” 

“What’s wrong with you? It’s corny.”

“No, it isn’t. It might’ve been if it was a corn-dog, though.” 

You heaved an over-dramatic sigh. “You’re saying words that have no positive impact on my life.”

“I think I’ll buy it,” he declares, before checking the price and realizing he hasn’t brought enough money with himself. 

You shake your head. “I’m not gonna be an accomplice to… that.” 

“Well, of course not. This is your Valentine’s present.”

“Go to hell. As if I’d be your Valentine in the first place,” you reply sardonically before pushing him out of the way.  

Taehyung realizes something at that moment. Even outside your evident disinterest in him and his affairs, the two of you are completely incompatible. You, too quick to judge and be offended and him, too quickly to say the first thing on his mind, obviously don’t mesh smoothly. 

Neither of the boyfriends you’ve had that he’s spoken to is anything like him, either. If Namjoon and Yoongi have one thing in common, it’s that they’re both calm, collected and have a good head screwed securely on top of their shoulders. He’s not like that.

Even so, that revelation only makes the concept of being with you more alluring. 

Kim Taehyung is an idiot. But more importantly, with one glance towards the admittedly good-looking cashier making googly eyes at him, Kim Taehyung makes a decision.

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While you’re taking a shit in a nearby cafeteria, you receive a text from Taehyung. This is shocking by itself since despite the two of you having each others’ numbers, you never really text. 

[15:30] pain in the neck: im going on a date w/ the cashier

[15:30] pain in the neck: feel free to leave

[15:45] Princess Complex: i’m just gonna hang with jungkook thank god

Why is your stomach sinking?

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Once you meet up with Jungkook, you explain the situation briefly. He quickly looks you over, confusion evident on his face. “What? On a date?”

“Yeah, he just kinda left me in the toilet,” you confirm with a shrug. “Anyways, where do you wanna go?” 

It’s not like Jungkook is an oblivious idiot with the emotional capacity of your aunt’s mutated sixth toe, even if he may appear to be. But you never thought he’d call you out the moment your overly confident facade starts slipping. His gaze softens. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?” 

He isn’t examining you when he asks. No, he appears to be looking off, somewhere behind you. However, you remain ignorant to that fact. 

“Yes! Why would I care? I’d rather drink toilet water for ten years straight than spend any more time with that moron,” you snap, too worked up for someone who supposedly doesn’t care. 

“Is that how you really feel about Taehyung?”

“Yes! Yes, oh my god, let it go.”

Jungkook makes one more helpless expression, shrugs lightly, and you fail to realize that neither of those gestures is directed at you. “Let’s go to the arcade.”

“I’m not really into video games,” you lie as you run your hand through your hair, “but fine.”

“Hell yeah.”

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When Taehyung goes back to your room in the trashy motel, notably late during the night for a mere first date, the atmosphere is tense. There’s a crease in your brows when you unlock the door and obvious bite marks over your bare lips. He stumbles ahead to enter, but you continue blocking his path with your arms frigidly crossed over your chest.

“You’re late.” 

“And what’s it to you?” He’s never spoken to you so harshly. There are moments where his words bite, but never does he say them with an expression and tone that are so frosty.

“Nothing in particular.” You move out of his way, finally, and he enters. You briefly wonder if he’s had alcohol before you start talking again. “I’ve been stuck in this room for like, an hour because the keys are in me. Waiting for you...”

“Poor you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I heard what you said about me to Jungkook. You know, I’m starting to understand why you scared away all your exes.”

Warth washes over you in waves for a millisecond before it disperses into nothingness, a cold numbness that makes your back shiver. Your gaze on him is empty yet livid at the same time and he cowers under it. You’re not sure if the guilt on his face is a flicker of your imagination or if it’s genuine, but you hope it’s the latter. 

It’s never his words that are a big deal to you. It’s the way he speaks every syllable, so earnestly with truth laced in every letter, that makes you go off the hook. Because deep down, you’re aware that he doesn’t mean to be malicious or to offend, it’s merely him telling his truth.

You grab a few things impulsively with a mundane declaration, before storming off god knows where. “I’m not sleeping here tonight.”

When the door clicks behind your frame, Taehyung backs down and sprawls out across the bed. Truthfully, he regretted his words before he even opened his mouth. But he was so angry, be it with you or with himself.

It just seemed so unfair that you could blow him away time after time and yet, on his date the only thing on his mind was you. The mediocre make-out session and him awkwardly leaving out of nowhere didn’t help, either. And then you had to be so perfect, waiting for him instead of locking his ass out like he thought you would.

It isn’t the girl’s fault she’s raised to be as sweet as sugar while you’re more like citrus. He’s always had a knack for lemons, anyway.

The fact that you spent the rest of the day with Jungkook only aggravates him further, the younger’s words repeating in his head. I tried to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school, or whatever it was that he said exactly. All of this is his own fault, anyway—if he hadn’t been so temperamental, you would’ve stayed with him for the rest of the day.

Taehyung stares at the cheap lights hanging on the ceiling until his eyes hurt that night.

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Half-way through your trek to Hoseok’s room, you crumble. A sob escapes your throat and then another one. After these two instances, your tears don’t cease. 

At first, Jimin is excited to see you at their door but his smile slips the moment he realizes what a bad state you’re in. You’re practically making whale noises while desperately searching for Hoseok. 

“I’ll give you two a moment.” He gives you one final look-over and leaves with a not-so-threatening threat. “Or maybe thirty. You better be smiling and singing Toxic by the time I’m back, [Y/n].”

Hoseok rushes to hug you. “God, girl, what’s wrong?”

“I like Taehyung.” 

“Is that it? You’re a strong girl, y’know, I never pictured you crying over some pretty boy.” 

“No. I’m crying because I’ve liked him all this fucking time and I tried to run away from him because I’m scared. And he said the most horrible thing to me,” you explain as you bury yourself deeper into his embrace. “That’s why I’m crying.”

“I hope he isn’t allergic to hands, because he’s about to catch them. Actually, I hope he is allergic.” Hoseok isn’t one to ask about details. He lets you get it out of your system, makes a few promises (most often of violence) and then allows you to elaborate if you wish to do so.

You laugh, but it turns into choking considering how much snot you have running down your face by now. “He said that he understands why my exes run away from me. I mean, I— I said something rude about him first, but Jungkook was backing me into a corner and I didn’t know he would even find out about it, I just—”

“Forget about him, forget about Jungkook, everyone. Tonight is for Britney,” Hoseok commands more than he asks you.

You smile sadly at him before uselessly wiping your tears away and giggling like you’re on the brink of losing your mind. Perhaps you are.

“My 45-carat booger. Hey, let’s make Jimin do the chicken dance,” Hoseok starts off like he’s coddling you in his strange way of doing so, but then quickly turns diabolical. He throws some tissues at you and you accept them. If there’s one thing you’re truly grateful for, it’d be your best friend.

You nod, suddenly more excited than you should be. Hoseok’s right—you don’t need some pretty boy when queen Britney is watching over you.

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The next day, you’re wearing a full-face of make-up, and Taehyung notices it. Hoseok’s driving and you’re in the passenger seat, talking about some nonsense as usually do. The atmosphere is light, with Jimin and Jungkook occasionally joining in your conversation and Jin sleeping with his forehead pressed against the window.

Truth to be told, Taehyung feels like a zombie right now. Pretending that your scuffle with him meant nothing to you only convinces him further how little you care about anything that has to do with him.

“I think we’ll be in Las Vegas soon,” Hoseok announces cheerily.

On one hand, you’re happy to finally be seeing the end of this road trip. Though you’ve technically just been relaxing, you wanted to be done with your cousin’s dumb wedding and go back to spending an average amount of time with your friends. You want to forget how flippant things are between you and Taehyung, your quote-unquote friendship dictated by mood swings rather than actual feelings.

“Fuck yeah! I wanna get drunk in Vegas,” you say with a smirk. “It’s on my bucket list.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“You want to get drunk everywhere,” Jungkook corrects with a laugh. You can’t help agreeing with him. “And Jin will probably stay in the hotel and play Candy Crush or something.”

“Ew, ew, ew, a fucking millenial,” you exclaim in mock disgust.

“Jin can be a beast if he wants to. Remember when he twerked in front of the whole school on Taehyung’s birthday party?”

“Shit was wild, man.”

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

No one except you, Hoseok and Taehyung himself is aware of what transpired yesterday. So Jungkook and Jin are still stubbornly placing the two of you together, yet you’re too powerless to fight it.

The hotel is a fancy one, courtesy of your annoying cousin. She’s been texting you and you sent a short message back to inform her you’ve arrived, but you haven't bothered to deal with her provocations any further. 

After dumping his luggage near his bed, Taehyung was straight out of the room and you started getting ready. And that was that. 

You feel more like yourself when you find the wine hidden in the fridge, a free present from the hotel. Or maybe your cousin’s way of making peace. Ha, as if that’d happen. 

When Taehyung comes back to get dressed, you’re already tipsy and acting like a fool.

“Drinking already?” There are many things that Taehyung wants to say to you. An apology he’s too sober to say and a confession you’re too drunk to hear, to begin with. 

“It’s pre-game,” you explain dizzily. “You know. I never told you why I hate my cousin so much. She used to bully me and she stole my first boyfriend from me. And we never got past it.”

With your trademark look, high-heels, acrylics, a fancy yet revealing dress along with whatever else you consider fashionable at the moment, Taehyung feels familiarity staring at your lopsided smirk. Though he’s gotten glimpses of other sides of you during these past few days, like how you like cuddling during the night, this is the epitome of who you are.

“Yeah,” he replies agreeably, though you’re not sure what for.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but Hoseok is waiting for me. So, this is bye-bye.” 

“See you there.”

“Probably not.” You snicker. Taehyung can tell that you’re still upset with him.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

You’re so wasted that the things happening around you aren’t really making sense anymore. While you and Hoseok were drinking together for a while, at one point Jungkook whisked him away, then there’s a blank in your memory and now you’re here. Alone. And you’ve lost count of how many drinks you’ve had. 

A man, that’s definitely a few years older than you, finally approaches you after observing you from afar. He says some sort of sleazy line—you’re not sure what it is, you’re not really listening—and offers you a drink. 

You consider him. He’s not your type at all and that pornstache isn’t helping his case but, when you look at Taehyung and see him talking and having fun while you’re being an alcoholic by your lonesome and moping about him, you quickly accept his offer. Pornstache or not. 

“Pick anything you’d like, kitten,” he purrs, in an attempt at being seductive. 

“Well first off I’m not a furry so don’t call me that,” you snap with a self-assured grin. And then you start listing off the most expensive drinks on the menu. 

This man is so enamored by you that he buys you all of them. You’re three steps closer to alcohol poisoning when you clumsily stumble onto the dance floor along with him, running your hand over his jaw in what you believe to be a sensual manner. He seems to dig it, but from an outsider’s perspective the two of you look like junkies trying to get off. 

Your experience in the club is romanticized. The dim lights are reminiscent to those few times you’ve gone to a rave and it reeks of alcohol, overpriced perfumes and sweat. You and your nameless pathetic fan mingle with the grinding crowd and begin imitating them. 

As the poet Lady Gaga once said, “redlight pornographic dance fight”. 

The act itself is indifferent to you. From across the room, Taehyung locks eyes with you and you’re not really sure why but you feel this sudden need to provoke him, even when you know he most likely wouldn’t care. You sloppily kiss your suitor’s cheek while looking at him intensely from across the room. A red trail from your wet lips makes its way down his face.

For the sake of pettiness, you might’ve gone further—I mean, you were already playing some weird game of tug-and-war but with clothes—but you don’t want to know the feeling of this guy’s lips against yours. He finds the mostly innocent action as an invitation, though, and abruptly halts your staring contest with Taehyung by forcing you into a greedy kiss.

Pushing him away, you give him a pointed stare and rejection is clear on his face. “Excuse me…” 

He’s a terrible kisser. 

Pushing through everyone that’s in your way, you make your escape through the first door you find. In your intoxicated parade, you fail to make sense of the words ‘CLOSED’ that are so blatantly taped over the entrance. So, you find yourself in front of a swimming pool. 

The cold breeze outside prickles at your skin unpleasantly, and a quick look around tells you that there’s no one around to put this in their cringe compilation. Apparently more disgusted than you’d initially thought, you puke your guts out in front of the pool. Now light-headed and somehow empty, you stare at your vomit and take a deep breath. 

“Hey, why’d you run away?” Your suitor from earlier appears to have followed you outside. You stare at your feet—doesn’t he understand that you wanted to get away from him?

“You’re a bad kisser,” you say bluntly after getting over your little trance. 

“Give me a chance to change your mind then,” he offers smugly, taking menacing steps towards you. You move away instinctively before you’re quickly backed into a wall, with his two hands trapping you in between. 

Your eyes widen with fear and you sink into yourself. If you had anything else to puke out, you’re sure you would’ve done so at this point. “I have sharp nails and I’m not afraid to use them.”

“Oh, she bites-”

The events that play out next happen so slowly, you’re not sure why you’re surprised. Taehyung appears, and you do see him in your peripheral vision, stares for a bit before knocking the guy out with a punch to his temple. He falls unconscious on the ground.

“Oh god, did I kill him?” he asks, a vacant look on his face. He imagined his first kill to be more thrilling, but on second thought, he’s not sure why he was thinking about that without being under the influence of substances in the first place. 

“I’d be happy if he’s dead, if that helps,” you comment dryly. 

“Do we dump the body in the pool or what?”

The two of you are drunk enough to consider it. Your mind is blank for a bit, before you finally speak up. “I’m trying to think of what I saw on How To Get Away With Murder, but it’s not coming to me. But like, on Blacklisted, there was this guy who like, made the corpses turn to gas or something!”

“You watch too much TV. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s called The Blacklist.”

“Whatever. Do you know how to do that?”

“No.”

“Hey, what’s going on here?” A new voice cuts in.

“You better come up with something convincing or we’ll have to kill him too,” you urge.

“Did you say something?”

“No.”

“Umm, awkward believe it yeah,” Taehyung begins, a strong start. “This guy slipped on her puke and hit his head. And he has a concussion now.”

“Man, that sucks,” the guy says. You’re relieved that he’s as trashed as he is, otherwise the situation would’ve went really badly, considering how Taehyung straight-up lied to his face. “I’ll go call someone over ‘ere.”

Once he’s out of sight, the two of you stare at each other and decide to flee the country. But then change the plan with the more economically-efficient idea to simply leave the club. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

“Why were you with that guy anyway?” Taehyung asks. Frankly put, neither of you know where you’re going, but you’re boldly leading him through the artificially-lit streets of Las Vegas as if you’re born there. Where you end up is a concern your sober selves of tomorrow should worry about.

“I wanted to make you jealous,” you reply, bold, like everything you do when you’re drunk is. 

“...I don’t get it.”

“You pissed me off so much yesterday. And you made me jealous when you went out with that cashier. But also, you killed a guy for me, so I guess I’m not mad at you anymore.” 

“Well aren’t you high-maintenance,” he retorts sarcastically, gaining what feels like a confidence spurt because of your sudden confession. “You don’t have anything to be jealous of, anyway. The only thing I had on my mind during that stupid fucking date was you.”

You freeze up. You thought that your own attitude was what made any possibility of him returning your feelings seem laughable. Even if it’s drunk blabber, alcohol is an honesty elixir, at least in your case. “Kiss me?” 

He doesn’t need to be told twice, attacking your lips so eagerly you’d consider it funny if you were in a right state of mind. Still, your reciprocation is just as hungry, so maybe you don’t have any room to laugh. He is indulging you, after all.

The wipeout that happened at the club happens again and you’re left to wonder how things escalated. From teeth clashing against each other in pure excitement, you’re left hovering over Taehyung’s form and straddling him unsteadily.

He reaches under your already high dress and the glimpse of your panties seems to excite him. “You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this,” he admits breezily. 

You smile, a teasing one, adjusting yourself better. “You don’t need to be so dramatic about it, it’s just underwear.” 

“Dramatic is how many times I’ve jerked off after we went to the supermarket and you flashed me.”

“Ewwww, we shared a bed like three times, freak,” you scold and he pouts when you distance yourself from him. 

“I was just trying to be funny!”

“Not funny. Didn’t laugh. It’s better when you don’t talk,” you instruct before leaning down again to kiss him. At least he’s having fun with groping whatever he can get his hands on. 

“You’re so annoying it turns me on. Always whining, it drives me nuts how much I really like you.”

You snicker. “Well, I sure am feelin’ the love here.”

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When you wake up, you register three things. Four, actually. First—your left shoe is missing. Second— Taehyung is knocked out cold next to you. Third—you don’t know where you are, except for the fact that there’s a garbage bin next to you. Fourth—your head is throbbing with pain and you’re so sore you’re not sure if you can walk. Needless to say, you had the wild night in Vegas you wished for in your bucket list, and you only half-regret it.

You see your shoe discarded near you and nudge it with your toe for a bit before finally gathering enough power to sit up and put it on. Or so you think, because the moment you’re propped in a standing position, you vomit like you did yesterday. 

Speaking of yesterday, the only thing you remember is that you and Taehyung were convinced that he’s now a murderer on the run, confessing your feelings for each other in an anti-climactic manner and then having like seven rounds of public sex. 

With a recap of yesterday’s events, you digress and put your shoe on before reaching in your purse. Surprisingly, you haven’t been robbed. Fishing your phone out, you come to the conclusion that you’ve been knocked out cold for way too long. 

Hoseok has generously spammed you with seventy texts, but you don’t bother to read them, already assuming that the gist is something about where the fuck you and Taehyung are. Instead, you call him immediately. 

“Hi,” you greet casually.

“[Y/n]! Where the fuck are you and Tae? We were so worried. Jin almost declared you two missing. But on the positive side, Jungkook didn’t care because he got food poisoning yesterday at the club.”

“I don’t know where we are, but he’s with me.”

“What do you mean?!”

“I’ll send you my location. I don’t have money for Uber, love you, kisses and hickeys,” you say in one breathe before hanging up quickly and doing what you said you’d do. 

At first, you thought this road trip was an opportunity for you to grow and mature. However, after yesterday’s shenanigans, you’re almost convinced your sociopathic tendencies are now higher by 5%. 

You start shaking Taehyung until he wakes up and swats your arms away. Now upon closer inspection, while you’re aware that you look bad right now, he’s not looking too hot either. The lipstick marks you had left on his face make it look like you’ve either slobbered all over him or that he’s a vampire, you’re not sure. And you’ve bitten him so much somebody could think he got attacked by a racoon judging solely on those bruises.

You quickly explain the situation to him as you’re fixing up your bra and top. Considering the fact that you were bordering on nip-slip territory, that was your priority. Smoothing your dress is easy enough, but your pantyhose is mysteriously ripped in some incriminating places.

He reaches out, rips out the fake eyelash that was pathetically hanging off the corner of your eye and throws it away. You take care of the other one, wipe off your ruined make-up and then wipe off the lipstick on his face. 

Your head hurts so much that you don’t know what to say to break the silence. Though you also don’t doubt that he’s in the position, and so, for the first time it doesn’t feel awkward between the two of you. 

“Hey, [Y/n], are we like… dating now?”

“I think so? You can be my date to the wedding if you want.” 

A dopey smile takes over his face. You realize you’ve made someone this happy before with merely being yourself. It fills you with a kind of warmth you’ve never felt before.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

“Your cousin won’t stop calling you,” Taehyung emphasizes as you’re pointedly ignoring your ringtone while you get ready. Considering the atrocious state both of you came back in, the process taking longer than usual shouldn’t be a surprise. Especially since you had to take turns for the shower.

Also the part where the two of you got into a fight over who should go in first—your thesis being arguably stronger once you mentioned the mud ingrained in the left sole of your feet—only slowed you down further.

“I know right? Can’t this pregnant moron get a life.”

“No, I think she’s calling you because we’re late to the wedding,” he elaborates. “You should pick up.”

“But I hate her!”

“You can roast her at the wedding and I’ll hype you up if you do what I ask.”

“Oh my god, promise?” 

“Promise.”

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

“Look who finally showed up,” your cousin greets you with a tight smile. You can only return the sentiment as Taehyung dumbly trails behind you. 

Well, as much as you don’t like your cousin, the wedding is certainly nice. With a light atmosphere and a fancy ceremony, he can’t pretend he hates it—that much is certain. Though he can also tell that it’s a lot of money wasted on food that doesn’t look appetizing in the slightest the more he examines the buffet.

“I see you’re not wearing the dress I shipped to you. Is it too tight, perhaps?” She’s smiling fakely and sweetly as she waits for your answer to her provocation. Of course it’s too tight; what else could it be when she picked it two sizes smaller than what you usually wear. And she did it on purpose too.

Despite the rather mundane conversation happening, the tension is thick.

“I’m going to be quick. You look like a greasy manatee.” You give her your own uptight smile before strutting away, cueing Taehyung to follow after you.

“Pregnancy-shameeeeed,” he yells out as he offers her finger guns and speed-walks in your direction. 

Once he’s caught up with you, he speaks up again. “I know you could’ve been more brutal than that.”

“Oh please, I’m sophisticated, I’d never engage in some barbaric behavior.”

You both burst out laughing at your blatant lie. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

“Do you think they’re dating now?” Jin asks, looking at the two of you as you dance and joke around. Though he imagines that you could only be having a deranged conversation, one that isn’t as sweet and lovey-dovey as it might look from an outsider’s perspective, it’s still quite disgusting how smitten Taehyung looks with you. 

“I don’t care,” Jungkook answers. Him saying he doesn’t care is a metaphor for how much he doesn’t care about anything after his food poisoning.

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Oh definitely. I saw them making out near a garbage dumpster when we were driving back to the hotel.”

Seokjin chokes.

[staytiny-angel]

The Demon's Lair - Part 1

Rating: E overall T for this chapter

Main Pairing - Seth Rollins/Becky Lynch (be prepared they aren't monogamous quite yet)

Warnings: Mentioned Kidnapping, Murder, hints at symptoms of PTSD, Flogging,(super vague tho, )

Summary - Seth returns to The Lair after a month away on a mercenary mission to learn things aren't quite the way he left them.

Authors Note: I don't know what the fuck happened, I swore I was just gonna write a bunch of kinky smut. That was the plan but it grew a damn plot. A real one, not just a flimsy frame but a whole ass mansion. So I'm just gonna write a story and see where it takes me. Probably gonna come up with some sort of update schedule for this, Chase and Safe Haven.

Taglist: @askauradonprep @swifteforeverandalways @rxllynch @riottbliss @nothingbutmeworld @axelwolf8109 @biforbecky2belts @neversatisfiedgirl @superrezzy00 @nicolewoo

Seth exited his town car in the dim Brooklyn alley stretching and cracking his neck, stiff after an 11-hour day behind his desk, followed by 7 hours passed out on his office couch "Pick you up at 3 like always Mr. Rollins?" his driver asked.

"Yes, thank you Joey" Seth responded, handing the man a hundred dollar bill, "Why don't you pick up Jamie and the two of you have a nice dinner on me while you wait?"

"I think he'll like that, thank you, Mr. Rollins, Sir" Joey replied before pulling off and leaving Seth at a blood-red door with black script reading The Demon's Lair.

Seth both loved and hated the Lair. In many ways, the kink club was the only place he felt like himself. Where he could drop the facade he wore in his professional life and even with his family to an extent, but he hated it too. He hated that even though he felt so at home there and had plenty of wonderful friends and sometimes lovers…nobody seemed to want to keep him.

Breaking out of his increasingly morose thoughts, Seth used his member's card to unlock the door to the Lair and slipped inside. He'd been in the Middle East for several weeks, meaning he'd been 'On' the entire time and was absolutely looking forward to taking off his mask and letting the real Seth out to play.

"Sethie!" The pink-haired girl at the front desk yelled in happiness "I missed you!"

"Sup, Livvy" Seth replied with an easy grin as all the tension seemed to drop off his shoulders as he mentally locked the corporate shark in its tank for the next 6 hours.

The hyperactive submissive had standing permission from her Domme to hug on Seth whenever she wanted so she dashed around the desk and practically tossed herself into the older man's arms. "Miss Ruby said you were in the bad place for the last month so all the hugs for you," she says quietly

"Thank you sweetie pie," Seth whispered in her ear. "I'm just glad to be back," He says louder letting go of her. "So what I miss, any dirt?" he asks as he strips off his suit jacket and tie and then rolls up his sleeve.

"So we finally met Master Balor's mysterious protege." She tells her friend as she takes his cuffs out of a locked case beneath the desk.

"He told me he had asked her to come here. Something about a bad break up." Seth replied, "What's she like?"

"Miss Rebecca is here tonight tending the bar since Devvie is back in school right now, she has a thicker accent then Master Balor's, bright orange hair and she's really pretty. " Liv continues

Seth easily buckles the black leather cuffs with their inlaid red hearts onto his wrists, brushing his thumb over the words worked into the leather "Who's around that might want to play with me?"

"Master Balor and Miss Violet are waiting for you. Miss Renee tattled on you, babe." Liv says with a smile "Naughty Sethie you were supposed to go home and sleep." She teases wagging a finger at him "Now you're in tro-uble" she sings

Seth huffed and muttered under his breath "Bossy fucking Doms." While he, Finn and Violet weren't a permanent triad, the two switches did take care of him, trying to make sure the workaholic took care of himself at least somewhat. And since the pair had quite literally kept Seth from drinking himself to death after his 3 tours in Afghanistan, he did try least try to listen to them. Not that it always happened but at least he TRIED.

Liv shook her head and giggled "Yeah, have fun with that. I've got the desk for another hour and then its Moxie's turn.

Seth walked into the club properly and looked to see who was around, heading over toward the fireplace when he caught a glimpse of his Personal Assistant sitting in a club chair, her two submissives sitting at her feet. Easily kneeling alongside Roman and Mox, he smirked up at her "You are a goddamn tattletale, Miss Renee."

Renee Moxley tapped her boss's nose with the riding crop in her left hand, "You were supposed to go back to the penthouse and sleep when you got back from Saudi Arabia. Instead, you spent 11 hours in the office, of course, I told them"

"Finn and Violet are waiting for you downstairs, you have a demon to contend with."

"Son of a bitch, really?" Seth's head dropped. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. He's THAT pissed at me?"

"You passed out in the office from exhaustion AGAIN." Roman told his best friend quietly "I had to pick your ass up off the floor and put you on the couch. Did you really think no one was gonna tell the only two people you MIGHT listen to?"

Renee gestured with the crop for Seth to stand up, "Go on, don't keep them waiting" the Domme told him sternly

Now knowing that he was in deep shit, Seth quickly headed to the stairs, only casting a distracted look at the orange-haired woman behind the bar talking to Master Orton and Ember Moon.

When Seth entered Finn and Violet's private dungeon he gulped audibly because sitting in the plush red and black throne like a chair with Violet on his lap wasn't his slightly goofy friend Finn, but King Balor in full on warpaint.

"Oh…look Mon Roi, it's a naughty kitten," The blue-haired woman dressed in a black and red corset, stockings and tall heeled boots said quietly

"Kneel, Little Prince," Balor orders "and explain why Lady Renee called to tell me you disobeyed one of the few things we ask of you"

"My Liege, I slept on the plane on the way home. By the time I arrived in New York my inbox was full, I figured I would work for a few hours and then go home, but I lost track of time and the next thing I knew Moxley was waking me saying you had requested my presence"

"Kitten, we are not your Masters, but you requested this arrangement to help you stay healthy and safe after last summer's incident," Violet says quietly "Yet you disobeyed. Lady Renee said that Roman had to pick you up off of your office floor because you passed out. She had your private doctor come and check you and you didn't even wake up. You aren't taking care of yourself"

Seth opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Balor "Not another word Little Prince, you know very well you've earned yourself quite the punishment"

'Well, fuck' Seth thought to himself as he knelt in front of the throne after having been stripped of his black dress shirt and his hands cuffed behind his back as Violet circled him holding a flogger, Balor still sitting there watching avidly.

"This was supposed to be your welcome home present." She sighed "But someone decided to be a bad little prince"

"I'm sorry my Queen" Seth mumbled "This last mission…it was a lot."

"You are supposed to tell us when you feel these urges to work yourself half to death. Especially after solo missions, was that not the agreement that was made after you almost….left us last year?" Balor says quietly, voice filled with emotion

Seth winced at the mention of last summer, It had been a workday much like today but instead of someone picking him up, he'd tried to drive himself home. Seth had fallen asleep at the wheel and the subsequent accident had nearly ended his life. Now Seth never drove himself after long days at work and he'd hired Joey and his husband Jamie to be his drivers.

"Do you know how scared we were? Renee called us and said you were on the floor, not moving" Violet told him "Are you injured from your mission other then the scrapes and bruises I see?"

"No your majesty" Seth answered quietly

"Then 20, Little Prince. 10 from each of us" then we'll go upstairs to the bar and you can meet Rebecca. You will be nice about showing her your ways. Or we'll end up right back down here. Understand?" Balor commanded

"Yes My Liege" Seth replied quietly

Seth barely heard the whistle of the flogger before the first blow hit his back.

His King and Queen didn't have to know that at least for this time he'd pushed himself on purpose, wanting to not think about what he'd had to do to get a young girl back to her family, He rarely took on mercenary missions himself anymore for this very reason. The damage the killing and violence took took on his mental health was terrible and he wasn't coping well but his mother…his mother had asked a favor for a friend of a friend who's daughter had been kidnapped.

So Seth went and a month later he'd returned. The girl alive, her captor and his people very much dead and he with more blood-soaked memories he'd prefer not to have.

[shooting-the-walls]

I watched His Last Vow, and, well..... here are my thoughts again

Quick thing before we start: I choose HLV because it is one of my favourite episodes, and what I feel is one of the best shot episodes. Usually, I can't make it to the end of it because I know what is going to happen and I can't stomach it. Anyway, enjoy my little angst-filled monologue!!!

• Uggggghhhhhh Magnussen is so creepy even to start with

• Quick question: why the fuck does he have "porn preference" in his little file?? Creepy, dude. Real creepy

• I hate Magnussen with a passion but ngl his house is pretty bomb

• Why has a got a statue of a knight on an ostrich, and why does the camera focus on it? Kinda random XD

• Clever how they never show him going down the stairs the storeroom. IMPORTANT LATER ON

• Lady Magnussen when she sees Magnussen: *quietly* what the fuck

• "She looked delicious" "yum-yum": EEUURRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

• "I have a condition": is that condition.... being a creepy weirdo???

• HEY SHE MAY BE AN OLD LADY BUT SHE'S A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN SO SHUT THE FUCK UP MAGNUSSEN

• "This isn't blackmail it is.... ownership": uhhhhhh, pretty sure it's blackmail mate

• I'M SORRY BUT WE DON'T JUST LICK PEOPLE'S FACES, WHO WERE YOU RAISED BY DUDE

• The driver knowing something's up: we stan a king

• BAKER STREET YEAAAAAH BITCHES

• The intro mussssiiiiiccccc: it will now be stuck in my head for days XD

• When you miss your bestie: :(

• John being clueless XD

• *doesn't know what to do* *makes tea*

• "He the drugs one?" "Nicely put John"

• "Who's Sherlock Holmes" "See, that does happen"

• I think John feels bad for snapping at her XD

• "THERE IS NOTHING THE MATTER WITH ME. Imagine I said that without shouting": me 24/7

• Dude we know you tryna look sexy but the tyre lever XD

• "It is a tiny bit sexy" "I know": *is forcefully reminded of Boyle screaming "later sluts"*

• "I'm not just browsing": MATE IT'S NOT BLOODY ARGOS LOL

• Why is John so fucking cocky? Like we get you're an adrenaline junkie but Jesus XD

• JOHN BAMF WATSON IS HERE GUYS

• "Nope, just used to a better class of criminal": truth

• "Arse end of the universe with the scum of the earth": Jooooohn be nice

• Sherlock just so casual like " Oh HIIIII"

• "They're havin' a fight": Oh, like..... a married couple....?

• "WEll NoT nOW": we stan a queen XD

• "Alright Shezza?": *John and Mary Watson, Mycroft, Mrs Hudson, Molly and NSY have joined the chat*

• MOLLY YAAAAAAAS QUEEN PUT HIM IN HIS FACE

• "Just. Stop it."

• They are so concerned and Sherlock can't see it and I CAN'T

• "Just some guy" Sherlock: JOHN YOU DIDN'T *is suddenly more in love than ever*

• Sherlock: *hears what he sounds like* *ROLLS EYES*

• Billy knows what's going ON

• "Hang on, weren't there other people?"

• "I've got Mrs Hudson on semi-permanent mute"

• "Why do you do that": IT'S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU

• "Cross-dressing may have been a wiser path for you": Mycroft your uncle was a bloody QUEEN

• "foR GOD'S SAKE"

John: oh deary me

• The mardy lil "I'm just gonna sit in this chair"

• MYCROFT STOP TATTLING ON YOUR BROTHER

• Also the Holmes parents line dance: I feel like this fact is super underrated XD

• "Just look frightened and. Scuttle": I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

• "I think we'd both find that embarrassing": THE FACT THIS WAS AN IMPROVISATION MARTIN IS SUCH A FAB ACTOR

• "Okay, I'll let you know if I notice"

• "Don't appall me when I'm high": genuinely one of my favourite lines of the entire series

• "God no. Trying to recruit you": Sherlock knows his John so weeeeelllll

• "Stay out of my bedroom" John: *immediately goes for the bedroom*

• JANINE HEYYYYYYYYY

• "Sherl.....": John is having a fucking field day with the nicknames

• John's confused little face XD XD

• "You have a girlfriend" "Yes I have" *JOHN WATSON CANNOT COMPUTE*

• Damn they're starting with the aquarium shit early

• "You got that from a book" "Everyone got that from a book"

• I'm sorry but Sherlock Holmes acting straight it the weirdest thing EVER

• "Maybe I will....": OH GOD. If she knows "what he's really like" (ie gay), then she also knows how much he loves John (she was at the wedding), so she's basically saying "I'll tell him you're in love with him"

• John: OH YES. THIS. THIS IS SOME NICE CEILING. MMM. GOOD CEILING

• John is so hung up on dinner XD

• "With wine.... and sitting....": I love the idea that when Sherlock eats, he just walks around like munching on shit. Like John used to get out of the shower and when he opened the bathroom door Sherlock would be standing there rocking on his heels eating a scotch egg XD

• "It's in the fridge, it kept ringing": me as an adult

• John just being so armed

• OH GOD SHERLOCK YOU'RE SO DAMAGED LIKE SO MANY PRESSURE POINTS

• BITCH DON'T BRING UP REDBEARD

• Oi listen Magnussen you little bitch

• NO PLEASE DON'T

• Shut UP Magnussen: as a Brit I cannot condone what the fuck he's saying. I AM A PROUD BRIT

• WHYYY

• WHYYYYYYY ARE YOU PEEING IN THE FUCKING FIREPLACE: this is why Moriarty was better, the sweetie had manners

• "How do you know his schedule?" "Because I do"

• The fact that Sherlock's checked with Mary if John is available XD

• CAM news: OMG THE CAM LETTER FROM S3E2, it makes sense nowwww

• Sherlock is so good at pick-pocketing

• "...your head kicked in." "Do we really need so much colour?" "It passes the time"

• I'M SORRY HIS CUTE LIL FACE WITH THE RING BOOOXXXXX

• I am fully convinced Sherlock was pretending Janine was John when he made the proposal

• SHERLOCK YOU CAN'T GET ENGAGED TO BREAK INTO A FUCKING OFFICE

• SHERLLL BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU IS NOT HUMAN ERROR, PLS GET SOME SELF ESTEEM

• "Bit rude, I just proposed to her"

• Sherlock immediately knows something's going on

• "...white supremacist so who cares?": SHERLOCK YAAAAS

• "During our own burglary" aka "really u idiot"

• The fact he immediately dismisses Mary: HE'S SO SWEET HE DOESN'T WANT TO RUIN JOHN'S HAPPINESS

• OH MY GOD THE REVEAAAAAAAAAL

• That moment when he realised. He just realises. The deductions he ignored: they could have helped her

• NO MARY YOU SHOT HIM WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

• I'M SORRY BUT SAYING YOU'RE SORRY DOESN'T RIGHT THIS

• The sirens: again, as I said, the way this episode is made is incredible

• People often remark on who turns up in his mind palace: I totally agree with the idea that the others are his heart, "and you should never let it rule your head"

• SHERLOCK CALLING HIMSELF STUPID IN HIS MIND PALACE OH SWEETIE NO

• The fact Anderson is there tho

• THE FACT THAT EVEN THE FLOWERS TILT JESUS THE DETAIL

• "Don't go into shock, obviously": woooooooow, thanks Mycroft

• Oh Redbeard, the sweet little dog: "They're putting me down too now"

• Oh come on, he was totally looking for John's room when he ran into Mary

• NO NOT THE PADDED ROOM

• You don't understand: I actually can't watch this scene. It freaks me out so much. It's so sad, and the acting is SO GOOD.

• "Pain. Heartbreak. Loss. Death.": I'm sorry, but isn't that everything Sherlock's been through with John almost?

• Magnussen: dude I ain't telling you who shot him

• "It's raining. It's pouring. Sherlock, is boring. I'm laughing. I'm crying. Sherlock, is dying": JESUS THIS SONG

• "Mrs Hudson will cry. And mummy and daddy will cry. And the woman will cry. And John will cry buckets and buckets. It's him I worry about the most. That wife..... John Watson is definitely in danger": THE FACT THAT THAT MAKES HIM COME BACK; I'm sorry but how can you deny Johnlock after that?? He literally COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD for John Watson. Also, note how he misses off Greg and Molly and Mycroft. He thinks they don't care but they do. They care so much, Sherlock.

• "Oh you're not getting better are you?"

• MARY STOP ACTING ALL FUCKING INNOCENT YOU FUCKING SHOT HIM

• "I'm buying a cottage": I mean why not

• The fact that they're fine with each other after insulting each other XD

• I maintain that Janine is Moriarty's secret sister

• "I have an interview with The One Show and I haven't made it up yet"

• "I know what kind of man you are. We could have been friends": AGAIN she totally knows he's gay

• The fact he's self-punishing by turning the morphine down MY BABY

• The fact Greg just wants a video XD: I still want a Special Features on one of the DVDs of "videos from Greg Lestrade's phone"

• Of COURSE Sherlock's broken out, what else were you expecting John?

• Mycroft's little hand gestures like "off you go peasant": we know you love Greg really Myc

• "...stalked him one night" "foLLOWED"

• YOU, JOHN. HE'S PROTECTING YOU YOU DIPSHIT

• The fact Sherlock went back to Baker Street, BLEEDING INTERNALLY, to put John's chair back <3<3<3

• "A façade. Remind you of anyone?"

• Of course you can't Sherlock XD

• The fact he won the house in a card game with a cannibal XD

• I love this scene. Everything just suddenly makes sense. Everything she's said suddenly has a different meaning

• "You were very slow": BECAUSE HE WAS IGNORING THE WARNING SIGNS SO HE DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET JOHN

• "Even Scotland Yard can get somewhere with that"

• I feel like Sherlock had a little bit of a panic when she pulled the gun out, because he KNOWS that John is sitting there and he can't lose John Watson

• She loves John but he loves John too.... too much man, too much

• She can barely turn: the fact she knows that she may have just lost John forever

• YAAAAS WE'RE AT THE HOLMES' GUYS

• "How is it only 2 o'clock, I am in agony"

• "Is this your laptop, Mycie?" "Upon which depends the security of the free world, yes, and you've got potatoes on it"

• "Am I happy, I haven't noticed?" *gets hit with cracker*

• MRS HOLMES WE STAN A QUEEN

• "Someone's put a bullet in my boy and if I ever find out who I will turn absolutely monstrous": *takes tea to said shooter*

• When the dad is the only sane one XD

• I think even Sherlock's dad can see how much his son is in love with John

• I'm sorry but the entirety of the first bit at the Holmes': I STAN IT GUYS

• "What exactly is the point of you!?"

• "What's going on" "Bloody good question": me in physics

• Jesus Mrs Hudson is right Sherlock does look bloody awful

• "...that's me by the way, hello": HE'S SO PROUD AND IT'S SO SWEET

• "IT WAS MY HUSBAND'S CARTEL, I was just typing"

• The fact he tells him to be calm: Sherlock KNOWS that he needs to calm John down to get this sorted out

• Mary, stop being sarcy with him he's tryna sort it out

• "Because you won't love me when you've finished, and I don't want to see that happen": I mean she's not my favourite but I still feel so sorry for her

• "Look at you two: you should've got married": Sherlock: OH BABY NOT MY GAY ASS

• See, Sherlock SAYS that the reason Mary didn't kill him was because John would be part of the murder investigation, but I think it's because she's already seen what Sherlock's death would do to John: she's seen him crying at the grave, seen him drunk and screaming for Sherlock to come back, seen him unable to even walk past St Barts without seeing Sherlock hitting the ground over and over and over again, and she knows she can't do that to him again

• Paramedics: yo we here

• "She shot you" "ehhhhh mixed messages"

• "The problems are your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege": GET YOURSELF A MAN LIKE JOHN WATSON

• "You can mow the sodding lawn from now on": the fact John uses his wife's secret identity to get out of chores is such a mood XD

• When your mother catches you smoking: Mycroft: nope wasn't me Sherlock: *immediately blames his brother*

• "Your loss would break my heart" "what the HELL am I supposed to say to that": brotherly feeeeeeeeeeeels

• "Go and have some more": AWWW YOU LOVE HIM REALLY

• Dr Watson voice is baaaack

• Awwww at least he checks they're all still breathing XD

• "You can imagine the Christmas dinners".... GUYS THE OMENS CAME TRUE

• I love the idea that Sherlock just waltzed into Angelo's like "yo can I have a table", and Angelo DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION what he was wearing or the fact he was hooked up to morphine, just said "yoooo, I got your table sorted" and brought him food XD

• The constant flashbacks in this episode are so effective, cos they really bloody fit in

• "My brother": *literally delivers a drugged Mycroft all wrapped up with a little bow on top* "WELL I DIDN'T LIE"

• "Oh yeah we could be imprisoned for high treason btw": Sherlock stop you idiot

• "But it's Christmas!"

• "WHY WOULD I BRING MY GUN!?!!?!?!" "Coat pocket?" "YES"

• "But look how you care about John Watson": even MAGNUSSEN knows guys

• Awwwww Mycroft's pressure point is Sherlock, that's kinda sweet

• You've gotta admit Magnussen's logic is pretty sound

• "I enjoy it": yeah but you're a sadistic maniac, mate, you don't enjoy normal things

• He must have half the fucking Eden Project in his house XD

• Ooooo THE VAULTS ARE A MIND PALACE: big reveaaaaaaaaaal

• Sherlock's little look down: it's as if he's chastising himself, telling himself he should have know

• "I don't understand" "You should put that on a t-shirt": JOHN WATSON T-SHIRT SAGA #2, PART 1

• "Sherlock do we have a plan?" *silence*

• "I still don't understand" "And there's the back of the t-shirt": JOHN WATSON T-SHIRT SAGA #2, PART 2

• When Magnussen makes John let him flick his face: Sherlock can't even WATCH. He's just standing there, staring at the floor, still questioning why he didn't see it

• I mean I'm sorry but the murderous little glint in Sherlock's eyes when Magnussen is flicking John: he knows there's nothing he can do, but then he also knows what he's about to do. And he knows that John is going to hate it, but it's the only way to keep Mary safe

• THE LOVING LOOK AT JOHN JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T

• "MERRY CHRISTMAS" *bang*: JESUS SHERLOCK NO

• Mycroft sounds so panicked, like "no please don't shoot him"

• "Tell her she's safe now": THEN. That was the moment John realised. The moment he realised who he was really in love with

• All Mycroft can see is his crying, upset and scared little brother AND I CAN'T

• "You know what happened to the other one": OOOOOOO

• "There is no prison where we can incarcerate Sherlock without him causing a riot on a daily basis": dis be true guys

• SHERLOCK MAKES MARY LOOK AFTER JOHN I CAAAAAAN'T

• The fact that all acceptingly walk away, like they know what Sherlock is gonna try to do

• "The game is never over, John. There are just new players": SHERL STOP

• "6 months, my brother estimates. He's never wrong": he KNOWS he's gonna die

• The fact he can't even tell John just shows something, doesn't it

• "John there's something I need to say. Something I've always meant to say but never have. Since it's unlikely that we'll ever meet again, I might as well say it now": we all wanted it. We all wanted him to say it. Even JOHN had the hopeful little look in his eyes....

• "Sherlock is actually a girl's name": BUT HE CHICKENS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND. You can just see the disappointment and upset in his face, even on the plane, knowing that he may not see John again and John still doesn't know

• "Did you miss me?": MORIARTY YES WE STAN A QUEEN

• "You're needed": the lil panic cos he knows his OD isn't gonna work

• "Who needs me" "....England": yeah, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are screwed XD

[brieannakeogh]

Ambition, Butter, and Wine- Ch 1

Have a WIP since I’m not done with the next chapter of Dog Days. Sorry! 

Ambition, Butter, and Wine- Kylo Ren x plus sized reader. Crack! Fic. You’re a new First Order recruit. Trained in the culinary arts at the top schools and they dare make you serve the common folk. What happens when you have the opportunity to serve Lord Ren?

Master List

Warnings: None, just cursing. 

Scooping up a heap of bland looking mashed potatoes and plopping it on a metal tray, you idly wondered how you got here. Yes, you had applied for a position in the First Order, it was good benefits and easy hours, but you were a trained chef! They had you as nothing more than a glorified lunch lady. All predone dehydrated foods that took no actual skill to prepare and had less taste than a Wookie’s asshole. Not that you knew from experience, but you’d heard rumors.

Granted it did have all the nutritional daily requirements packed into all the slop, but you were wasting away into practically nothing! Well that wasn't true. Just because all of these people had to eat slop didn't very well mean you had to. After your shift was done you always made you a little something from the ingredients they had for the Order officers.

Maybe it wasn't the most ethical thing to do, but you felt you were owed this. The officers had a different chef that made their food. Someone higher up and who had worked there longer than you. His credentials however were shit. You had trained in one of the best schools in the galaxy. He was just some cook from bumfuck nowhere that got lucky and did his time, paid his dues and all that good garbage.

You sighed heavily as you made the next metal plate ding satisfactory to your ears in your tightly held frustration. You would keep up the meek little act until you got higher in command, then prove yourself when they all shit their pants, metaphorically speaking, at how good your food compares.

The poor trooper that was receiving his spoonful from you, jumped and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead when you started to laugh maniacally under your breath. He went to the nearest trash bin and deposited his uneaten food, than ran out of the galley.

Kylo Ren was in a mood. A particularly bad mood. His breakfast was ruined and during training the ‘dummy’ he was practicing on moved, which made him miss and sever the poor private’s pinky finger. He would have been fine if he had stayed still. Of course Hux didn't like that and went running to Snoke to tattle on him.

A smirk comes over his lips, behind his mask, when he thinks about how Snoke dismissed his concerns. That had been the only positive so far today. Now he was making his way to his quarters, hunger gnawing at him from having forgone breakfast.

He stalks in and sees the tray sitting on the table. It's the same damn thing as breakfast, some weird gray meat, but in a wrap instead of over eggs. Red clouds his vision as the tray melts in half. Now to do the same to the person’s entrails.

Doing the same repetitive motion made you completely bored, so of course you zoned out. You didn't see how people started running out the door when they caught sight of the black being standing in the doorway. Didn't notice when he stalked your way in a murderous rampage. You barely paused when he stopped in front of you with your spoon held, waiting for him to present a tray for you to plop the mush on. Giving an irritated huff you finally look up and stare into the faceless visor of Commander Ren for the first time.

A little bit of the potato slides off the spoon as you stare up at him, slack jawed. It neatly misses his boot and you pull your arm back quickly. One of your supervisors comes up, clearly scared out of her wits to inquire what he needed. As far as you were aware he had never stepped foot into the galley.

“Food.” Was all that she got for her troubles. His head tilted a little toward the direction of the... were they mashed potatoes? You never did ask. Then back to her. “But not this.”

“I don't blame you.” You muttered under breath and you think you saw just the slightest tick of that helmet to you, before you snapped your mouth shut.

“I'm sorry sir, but didn't they already deliver food to you? The chef was very specific when he made it this morning.” She tried. Her voice only shook twice. You were proud of her.

“It is inedible. I require something else.” The robotic voice answered. “Make me something else.”

“Well you see we don't really have anyone that can…”

“I'll do it.” You pipped up, realizing this was your escape. If you did a good enough job, maybe it would bump you up a bit on the branch.

His helmet fully turned to you. While you couldn't see them, you could feel the way his eyes raked over you. There was this saying, never trust a skinny chef, maybe that was the same judgment he came to as he nodded. The one thing you weren't is skinny. The little extra was from too much of your own food, but it was good and you didn't give two shits what others thought.

The dramatic man in black just stood there, seemingly waiting on you, so you turned your back and walked into the kitchen. Solid boots against the floor told you he was at your heels. “So is there something in particular you wanted?” You ask as you root around in the ‘special’ cabinets that held the fresh ingredients.

“Surprise me. If I don't like it you may get a surprise of your own.” His hand hovering over the saber at his hip.

“Guess you didn't eat breakfast either. Looked to be similar to lunch.” Your brain screamed at you to stop provoking him, but you couldn't help it. He seemed all threatening but your guess was he was just hangry.

He only acknowledged your statement with a metallic grunt. At least you think that’s what that noise was.

Pulling ingredients, you check with Mr. Murder Hungry to make sure they are all things he likes, at least raw. He doesn't actually say anything else, but the subtle head movements tell you a lot.

You get going on something that would be quick but good. You have a feeling he will get even more grumpy the longer he waits. Fifteen minutes later and you are plating up a gorgeous piece of meat with a salad and roasted vegetables. Cutting the veggies small made them only take ten minutes in the oven and the rest was no time at all.

Holding out the plate, he doesn't even attempt to take it. He turns on his heel and stalks away, out the kitchen doors and out the galley, you trailing behind. You follow him into what you can only assume as his quarters, where he points to a table to set the plate on.

You do as instructed as he removes his cloak and gloves. Hearing the hiss from his helmet, you don't really want to see what he looks like having heard all sorts of rumors. Instead you turn to leave before a deep, “Wait.” stops you. It's a very pleasant voice when not filtered through the weird mask.

Hearing a clunk, you turn around to see him set the device aside and he sits at the table. Silverware floated into his open palm, because of course he would us the force to summon cutlery. Without the mask, you can see his face, and what a lovely face it is. Everything seems just a tad bit big and exaggerated, but it fits well on his head and is proportional to the rest of his large body.

Your fingers wind together, twisting into each other to almost the point of pain as you watch him bring the first bite to his mouth. This is your make it or break it moment and by it, you mean you and by break, you mean die. Literally you feel like this one meal will determine if you survive or not and honestly, you don’t hate it. The adrenaline rushes through your veins and you can hear your own blood pump in your ears. Now you understand what all the extreme sports people would go on about.

He samples a little bit of everything as you hold your breath. “I expect dinner at 1900 hours. Tomorrow breakfast and lunch will be at 0600 and 1200 respectively. You are dismissed.”

Relief flooded you that he seemed to actually enjoy it, but then the dread settled into the pit of your stomach that you were apparently now the personal chef of Kylo Ren. His tantrums were legendary among the crew, so you couldn’t screw this up. Hesitating just a moment and doing a weird and awkward curtsy/bow, before turning around and exiting his quarters.

As soon as the plump little lunch lady he found exited his room, he gave up his pretense and devoured what was on the plate. It had been fucking ages since he had a decent meal and now that he had confiscated her for himself, he wasn’t sharing.

Next Chapter

Hopefully ya’ll will forgive me for slacking on Dog Days with this. I’ve got a few chapters of it done that I can sprinkle in while I’m trying to finish the other up. 

Let me know if you want to be tagged in it or added to my everything tag.

@stevieang, @albinotigerpython, @paintballkid711

[cheollies]

Rent a Boyfriend!Chan

a/n: (dedicated to all Chan stans *whispers* @pasteluji​)

Lee Chan: the inexperienced type. introduce him to your friends and watch him get flustered over everything. as you have already told your friends, you’re his first girlfriend, all of them will swoon at his cute demeanor as he offers to pay and do everything. extra services include shy physical affection that’s bound to have your friends squealing.

everyone agrees

Chan is the one most accurately close to his ‘type’

he knows nothing about dating, he went into the job knowing nothing about dating, and the company was literally like

‘Sweetie, child, don’t learn to date, it’ll ruin everything’

so basically he gets thrown into different job with a thumbs up from everyone and a ‘you’re gonna do great honey’  

at first he wasn’t as popular as the other guys, people usually passed by his profile without a thought, but then all of a sudden

the hype of inexperienced boyfriends was somehow glorified and that’s the weekend Chan thought he was going to collapse from over working.

He no longer wishes to be as popular as Joshua

Can often be found getting ready in the game room

The stylist is ironing his hair while his eyes are fixed on the video game and his fingers are moving at the speed of light

‘SERIOUSLY CHAN! GO GET READY IN THE MAKE UP ROOM FOR GODS SAKE’

constantly eating snacks

he sits in the chair, getting his makeup done while eating some chips even though the make up artist is like ‘you’re going to ruin your lip tint’

‘Yolo’

‘CHAN’

Everyone marvels at the way Chan changed from the moment he entered the company to him now

and at first he was so sweet and nice, and then one day he came in with a sassy ass attitude and a ‘i know i’m the shit’ look

Jihoon: i’m gonna beat him

Mingyu: not before I do

Jeonghan: get in line idiots

probably chews bubble gum and blows bubbles when he’s in a conversation with his older coworkers

one time Seungcheol pried his mouth open to throw the gum away because he was getting so annoyed

oh damn, i haven’t talked about his clients yet, lololol

okay, Chan often goes on jobs that is basically just him, his client, and their girlfriends

mostly dinner dates or lunch dates, and it’s usually the ‘first time introducing you to my friends’ type of thing

and Chan just does things he’s seen in tv shows or movies, but he always gets flustered as hell

He’s so awkward with girls that it’s cringy

Felt as though his heart was going to jump out of his chest when his client kissed him on the cheek

and the girls squealed like ‘you’re so cuute’

and then cue Chan being like ‘I’m not cute! I can be tough too’

still doesn’t understand why girls squeal more when he says that.

usually he ends up being tipped by the end of the night because he’s so innocent and cute that you just kinda gotta

one time showed off his dance moves to his client and their friends, but halfway through he got so embarrassed that he had to stop and sit in the corner and think about his occupation

he met you in the company building

you two were passing by each other, Chan was heading to school after work and you were walking in

when he saw you, he just felt so captivated, so pulled to you, he ended up staring, turning his head when you began to pass him, and all at once…

he slammed into the glass door

Cue Soonyoung and Seokmin snickering to the side while they send the video to everyone

anyway

Chan kind of stands up with an embarrassed look, hoping no one saw, but when he turns to look at you, you smile at him, lips obviously letting out a little giggle before you disappear around the corner

‘YOU LOOKED SO STUPID!’ Chan buried his head into the couch while Seungkwan replays the video

‘who is she?’ Chan asks

and Seungkwan gasps, ‘you don’t know her?’ Seungkwan makes it seem all dramatic but then he ends up laughing, ‘nah i’m just kidding. She’s new. No one really knows what she does, but she’s got her own office and all the staff listen to her.’

Seungkwan leans into Chan to whisper, ‘the other day, I heard she told off Jeonghan’s make up artist for stealing some supplies and totally fired her on the spot.’

Chan kinda thinks it’s cool. You’re mysterious, you’re so different from the other girls he’s worked with. You’re powerful in this company and he doesn’t know why.

For a while he doesn’t see you, he thinks of you periodically but you’d usually sit in the back of his mind

He was leaving work one day, outside of the building, he attempts to grab a cab when he spots you.

you were frustratingly trying to hail a cab too but it seemed everyone was being an ass today

Just a few steps next to you, Chan manages to hail a cab and he stares at you

‘You can take mine.’ he says to you

‘Really? Thanks so much.’ You jump next to him, your smile grinning from ear to ear and he can smell the sweet scent of peaches coming off of you, “Chan right? The one who ran into the door.’

He’s embarrassed once more with a grin, ‘yeah’

‘I’ll see you around then.’

Chan swoons when you leave. His heart racing and his whole day is spent feeling like he was on top of the world.

He sees you a lot more often now

In the make up room, in the changing rooms, in the lobby, in the game room, in the resting rooms

and everyone stares at Chan sitting on the couch laughing with you about something

the first few times, Chan could see just how uncomfortable everyone felt around you

But once weeks passed it seemes as though Chan’s relationship with you made everything more chillax

and people can breath once again

‘YOU’RE THE CEO’S DAUGHTER’

‘OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW’

Now chan gets all anxious now bc, it’s you, you’re the ceo’s daughter, you have the power to fire him, and he has the most biggest crush on you ever but now this just makes him a hundred times more scared to ask you out bc what if you reject him and then fire him

so he tries to pick up clues, like

hmmmm did you get him coffee because you like him or because he’s just a friend to you

did you touch his hair because you like him or because you were just fixing it as a friend

HE DOESN’T KNOW

someone help him

Chan really doesn’t know anything about love or dating, so he goes to his coworkers.

‘JUST CONFESS’

‘GIVE HER FLOWERS’

‘NO CHOCOLATES’

‘TELL HER HOW PRETTY SHE IS’

‘GIVE HER A TEDDY BEAR’

‘THOSE ARE HORRIBLE IDEAS’ screams Seungcheol at the boys who start giggling.

the talk didn’t really go well because soon after everyone had work to go to

but since Chan is a newbie, he decided to put those ideas to use.

He walks into the building with a bouquet of flowers, chocolates, and a tiny bear. He sees you standing by the lobby desks, talking to the workers and approaches you with such a nervous heart

You smile when you see him and kind of tilt your head in confusion at all the stuff in his hands, ‘did you get those for your client?’

‘No’ he stutters on the word

cue Minghao and Hansol on the side holding back their laughter saying ‘he really did it’

Chan is so nervous he’s starting to sweat a little bit and he squeaks out a little ‘i like you’ while handing you the stuff

Now you’re embarrassed. Your cheeks are flushing red as you stare at the stuff.

Chan notices how embarrassed you are and takes it to mean that you don’t like him and he looks so defeated like ‘sorry.’

But you scream ‘no no no. I’m sorry. You’re just so cute.’ you take the flowers from him and smile so bright he feels as though his heart is going to burst, ‘i like you too.’

AND THAT’S HOW Y'ALL GOT TOGETHER

he kinda gets the largest ego from dating you

Like yeah, he’s the shit now

but in reality he tattles to you about the other guys and you have to like ‘calm down Chan’

He kinda secretly wants you to be jealous of him going on fake dates with his clients and being all lovey dovey with other girls

and he’ll try to get all up in your face while you’re working saying ‘im going now~~~ I’m gonna go on another date with a girl~~’

and you just smile at him ‘okay. I’ll see you when you get back’

he’s stomping his foot screaming ‘YOU’RE NO FUN’

follows you around eating chips from a bag and you have to say to Chan ‘this is a professional setting.’

cue Chan putting a chip in his mouth as if he doesn’t believe you

‘Give me one’

‘No you’re working’

‘CHAN YOU ARE LITERALLY AT WORK RIGHT NOW TOO’ he purposely changed your phone background to a picture of him because ya he’s your man now

couple items for days but he constantly had to take them off when he works and he gets so salty about it

It was hard trying to plan a celebration for Chan’s birthday Since his birthday is just three days before valentines day, the whole company turns into a war zone

and it didn’t help that both you and Chan would be working Chan was scheduled for dates throughout the entire day, and you were in charge of the rent a girlfriend department 

So you and Chan had settled to celebrate his birthday as well as valentines day after all the chaos. well that’s what Chan thinks because you have something entirely up your sleeve. 

Anyway, the day of Chan’s birthday comes and it falls on the weekend before valentines so the place is pretty swamped 

but before Chan leaves for his last date of the day, he goes to the rent a girlfriend part of the building and he’s literally pushing pass other girls as he tries to get to the dressing rooms where he hears your voice bc you’re getting frustrated 

and Chan just comes behind you, and honestly you felt so relieved just seeing his face, it really calmed you down, and Chan gives you a nice kiss on the cheek (while the other girls squeal at the cuteness) before he leaves because he thinks he probably won’t see you until the next day 

BUT

when Chan comes back to the building to change out of the company clothes, he steps into the building with a fearful look because ‘is this real? It’s so quiet. Where is everyone?’ 

It’s completely empty and when he fully steps into the building 

BAM 

The lights turn on, everyone jumps out to scream happy birthday and it’s basically a Joshua’s birthday 2.0 but with Chan but the difference is that it isn’t as big as Joshua’s birthday, it was just the other rent a boyfriends and a few other friends

it turns out, since Chan learned later, that you had convinced your dad to basically have everyone take that night off so you could use the building for Chan. it look a lot of puppy eyes and tantrums but you wore your dad down to let it happen 

and instead of handing Chan a cake that night, you handed him a laser gun and a vest while screaming ‘PUT IT ON! WE’RE ABOUT TO SHOW THE GUYS JUST HOW BADASS WE CAN BE’ 

yeah so that’s how you and Chan ended up running around the building playing laser tag with the others 

and god, when he was running on the second floor with you, he was holding your hand while running down the hall, and when he looked back, he just saw this bright smile on your face and he swore he’s never felt more in love with you 

okay but you also ordered a bunch of pizza as delivery and the delivery guy was incredibly terrified when he stepped in because you and Chan were the first to get to him and you guys planned on hoarding all the pizza 

so just imagine a bunch of other people just running from out of the staircase with laser guns and screaming about the pizza 

but you and Chan obviously end up sharing the pizza with everyone else 

and Chan is just smiling so much he thinks his face is going to break and he just can’t believe that he managed to snatch you he’s just so foolishly in love with you and he doesn’t think there would be anyone in the world who he could love even more than you. 

[hellyeahrpmemes]

※ JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. IX ※

here’s sentences from 10 more of jenna’s videos! feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! more jenna sentences

PANCAKE ART CHALLENGE

“I’m not very good at drawing things.”

“Yours won. Yours so won.”

“It looks like a feral cat.”

“You’re just pretending to be a chef.”

“I made your forehead in pancake form.”

“Don’t look at mine - don’t look at mine…!”

“She looks like a ghost of herself.”

“It looks like a tombstone walking a dog.”

“It looks like a can of silly string gone wrong.”

“That’s a bunny. You draw it every single time we’re at dinner and you find a crayon or a pen. That’s the one thing you know how to draw really, really well.”

“So it’s a flamethrower?”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“I’m gonna put this on your bed tonight. On your pillow.”

“It’s an Ankylosaurus, duh.”

“Can you autograph my pancake?”

“I wonder if it tastes good.”

“It looks like a weird calculator.”

“If he can do it, we can do it, too.”

“In the end, we both lost.”

“It was a lot harder than it looks.”

CHILDHOOD STORIES

“There are some moths in my house, and I don’t really want to kill them, but they are driving me crazy. I swear to god, if they start chewing my clothes, it’s gonna be game over. I’m gonna burn this house down.”

“I have lost my mind a little bit.”

“Worship me, Pinterest.”

“I feel like I am now the queen of DIY.”

“We would just sit there, and maybe look out the window, and maybe talk to each other.”

“You really needed a friend, but I really liked to play with it alone.”

“What did you do? That looks so cool!”

“I forgot I had a rope, and I forgot this thing called friction happens, and I sawed it in half.”

“I didn’t say anything to my dad, because I knew that that would be certain death.”

“I am a really bad liar and I have a terrible poker face.”

“My brother wasn’t going to tattle on me, because he is not a snitch, and I appreciate that.”

“It was like top ten most angry moments I’ve ever seen my dad.”

“Shut up, my gerbil is not fat.”

“Dude, your gerbil is so fat.”

“It was the most disgusting thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

“Sometimes, if your mom can’t take care of you, she’s just going to eat you.”

“I took a pair of scissors, and I decided to give my cat a haircut.”

“Damn it, now the cat’s gonna get his head stuck in everything.”

“I’m fired, I quit, I’m fired.”

MY DOG CHASING A DRONE

“I got Julien a drone for his birthday.”

“He really just loves to chase it.”

“Why fight it when you can just work with it?”

“It really is completely hysterical.”

“This is what I want to watch on the Internet.”

“We love each other forever.”

“I would never do anything to put him in any sort of danger.”

“We work together to make fun things happen.”

“It’s just really cool and really amazing and I just wanted to share it with you.”

“You don’t even care, do you?”

UNPOPULAR OPINIONS

“Do you need a snack or anything? You good?”

“I think avocados are propaganda in Southern California.”

“You hate something as meaningless as an avocado, Jenna? Really?”

“If I was a ghost, I wouldn’t just help people when they needed me, I’d be there all the time.”

“What’re you doing? Cutting your nails? I’m gonna stand here and watch.”

“Are you ever truly alone? I say no.”

“Why am I turning? I hate this chair…!”

“I don’t think ghosts and/or spirits just limit their visitation hours to when you need them. I think they’re there all the time. Creeping on you.”

“I think parasailing is boring as fuck.”

“That looks intense, count me out.”

“It’s very boring. It’s not worth it.”

“Why are you so famous? It really bothers me to the core of my being.”

“I think almond butter tastes like blood. I think it’s gross, and it tastes like blood.”

“I think tonic water tastes like earwax.”

“I think that making a salad is way too much work for the end result.”

“I’m not really talented at hard manual labor, which I’m sure my grandparents would find as a character flaw.”

“I think Jenna is the best name ever. Sorry, all other names.”

“I would buy her a drink like the gentleman I am.”

“I have a landlord that says no, but I say otherwise.”

“Go check out the otters. You won’t be disappointed.”

“They’re literally just there to have a great time.”

“I mean, it’s cool to see you, man, but you seem sad.”

“I think curtains are way too expensive for what they are, and a waste of money.”

“I’d see that, like, four times in the theater.”

“I’m legitimately terrified of prescription drugs.”

“I don’t really care what anybody says. I mean, I do a little bit.”

“Think for yourself, use your own brain, it’s a fun thing to do.”

REVIEWING BAD APPS

“Guess what? This is life.”

“I think it’s funnier now that the song is two years old.”

“If I paid money for it, I’m angry about it.”

“This is the weirdest fucking app.”

“I think it’s genius. I think it’s great.”

“Does this not know that google exists?”

“Did that horse fall?”

“Is this porn? Is this porn? This feels porny.”

“This one makes me feel like I’m really there.”

“That’s pretty annoying.”

“It’s not the worst, but it’s also not not the worst.”

“One small tattoo for man, one giant leap backwards for mankind.”

“Oh my god, oh my god, that’s nightmare fuel.”

“It’s so stupid that it’s amazing.”

“Just that name is the funniest thing ever.”

“Oh, I hate this so fucking much.”

“Think of all the times you just needed a candle, but you don’t have one.”

“Whenever I find something really cool, I just tell Julien, and he never appreciates it, so I hope you appreciate it.”

GIRLS DAY

“It’s time to go.”

“This is the cutest shovel I’ve ever seen.”

“I got this on sale!”

“I feel crazy.”

JENNA’S RACHET FASHION BOUTIQUE

“I like to sew, even though I’m not very good at it. I just refuse to fail.”

“We used to have to take home economics, where you learn how to sew and cook and stuff, and, apparently, people don’t take that anymore.”

“I still am mediocre at it.”

“If shit ever went down at a zombie apocalypse, everyone’s gonna be butt-ass naked, and I’m gonna be over here, sewing, with electricity.”

“I’m just gonna try and sew myself a sick outfit.”

“I also don’t want to spend a lot of time doing this.”

“Fuck patterns, fuck all that shit, let’s just do it live.”

Everything that I sew is gonna be with navy blue and/or black thread, which, if you have a problem with, just go away now.”

“I’m gonna make a long maxi skirt, ‘cause those are overpriced.”

“I would do this drunk, but it seems really dangerous to sew drunk.”

“Something smells like burning.”

“It looks crooked, but you just pass it off as fashion.”

“Get your scissors, and cut whatever the fuck is bothering you the fuck out.”

“Backwards and forwards and backwards, it’s just like life.”

“The best way to learn is to just look at a shirt, and make it.”

“Just don’t even bother finishing anything.”

“Yes. Yes, cape, yes.”

“Somebody could have made something really nice out of this. Not me!”

“I’m literally wearing a tube of pajamas, and I love it.”

“When I was at the fabric store, I saw this, and just really couldn’t resist.”

“What lady going to a ball couldn’t fit this into her wardrobe?”

“A fun, exciting fabric to make a hat out of is denim.”

“Don’t laugh, it’s fashion!”

“If you saw this, you’d be like, that is couture.”

“I really should’ve just made my entire outfit out of this, but that’s for next time.”

“Looks great. I’m scared of you, but it looks good.”

“I feel like the outside matches the inside.”

“Yes, bitch, you fuck that outfit up.”

“Honestly, I’d wear this shirt. And this skirt.”

THINGS I WISH I COULD LIE ABOUT

“I’m also sorry. But not that sorry.”

“Most of it just stems from being terrified of authority. I’m scared of getting in trouble.”

“Whenever someone asks me for my phone number, I always give out my real phone number. I can never lie and give them a fake number.”

“I’m terrified of having that confrontation.”

“Yeah, I got it really wet. It’s soaking wet. Just fully submerged in water. It’s wet.”

“I just wish that I could lie, but I feel too bad, I have to tell the truth.”

“I could’ve saved myself a lot of money with just a couple lies.”

“Their dogs are not therapy dogs, and you can tell.”

“I know for a fact that, by saying yes to that question, I’m just gonna get a lecture for the next ten minutes.”

“I don’t need to hear the lecture. I know the lecture.”

“Eggplant? Ew! The fuck is wrong with — my god, no…!”

“I don’t need to violently argue with someone when they say they don’t like something.”

“I can never, ever, ever lie to a police officer or a cop, ever.”

“I wasn’t speeding that much, but I was definitely speeding.”

“I was listening to R. Kelly’s World’s Greatest, and it was just getting me so hyped up that I just, I went so fast, I didn’t realize how fast I was going.”

“He gave me a $300 speeding ticket.”

“That started the ‘do not play’ list in the car.”

“You’re singing with your eyes closed, which is not good for driving, at all.”

“I think this is a good look. I think we should make this a thing.”

“Some of you guys are fuckin lying.”

HOW I TALK TO PEOPLE AT PARTIES

“Oh my god, how’s it going? So good to see you!”

“Hey, thanks, I’m a catch.”

“It’s a conversation, we should listen.”

“I don’t wanna listen…”

“I’m gonna use my eyes and pretend I’m listening.”

“She just asked us a question — did you hear what she asked us?”

“So how’s, uh… how’s what’s his face?”

“I just don’t want her to tell the tree story again.”

“One time, I was climbing this tree in my backyard…”

“She can smell your fear, you know.”

“I can smell time. It’s 11:30.”

“I can rap. Quadruple threat.”

“Did you watch the baseball game the other night?”

“Are we drunk?”

“This is bad, we shouldn’t have said that, why did we say that?”

“Hey, we should get this pierced.”

“Do you feel like breaking something?”

“I really love you so much.”

“She’s already drunk ‘I love you’-ing.”

“At least she didn’t make any drunk plans yet.”

“We are not going to remember that. Not at all.”

“What do you think happens when you put a ton of lettuce into a woodchipper?”

“I fucking hate you guys. You guys are idiots.”

“My brain is a terrifying prison.”

WHAT’S IN MY MOUTH CHALLENGE

“Why are you laughing already? Stop laughing.”

“You put the heel of my boot in my mouth? What are you, insane?”

“This touches the ground?”

“I was mad, sorry.”

“No, this is not going to turn into you solving a Rubik’s cube.”

“Who makes appointments a year in advance? I do.”

“This is my inhaler, you asshole!”

“Did you just say scoff?”

“You sinus-blasted me?!”

“Do you have any idea the mental preparation you need to have before you take one of those!?”

“As soon as it hit my tongue, I knew I was fucked.”

“Open up, we are playing a game.”

“Julien, my mouth tastes like Christmas tree!”

“Oh my god, what the fuck is that? It’s wet…”

“Open up all the way.”

“You put yeast in my mouth. That was fucked up.”

“Wow… I hate you.”

[kusunokihime-a]

OKAY rant part two time for @littlelilypetal – this time about the more general plot of Arc Three because...reasons.

Also small disclaimer AGAIN for anyone else who pops in here, curious: this is from a fic written from a verse I wrote with two friends LONG before I joined Tumblr. It was written over literally hundreds of pages (I have the threads saved don’t try me boi, and the fic itself is 300,000 words and counting), and it’s very dear to me. It’s nothing that has to happen here, but it’s still a thing, and any whining about OC x Canon pairings will be met with fingers in my ears going lalala can’t hear you.

SO. Small disclaimer: this first part here is still a bit of a WIP, as my original draft had a plot hole in it. This is my attempt at fixing it xD

Arc three starts technically before the end of Shippuden, aka before Sasuke leaves. Ryū ends up going with him to raid Obito's old lab to make sure all the Uchiha bodies and parts are properly disposed of or buried. Among them is Itachi's body.

Now, Ryū at this point already has Itachi's permission to resurrect him (as noted in the other rant lol - he’s gotta come back and clean up his mess, and take care of his kids), she just doesn't have the means how, as she's lacking his body. And, of course, the body he had was ravaged by illness and worn out, let alone missing its eyes. So, while clearing the lab, she takes a DNA sample without Sasuke's knowledge, and then proceeds to help him clean up. She hasn't told Sasuke her plans yet, as she's still not 100% sure it will work.

As a test, she uses her soul retrieval technique on Neji, managing to retrieve his soul and replace it into his healed corpse. Knowing she can get it to work, she moves forward.

(Quick note about that technique: it's HELLA dangerous. Basically, a person uses a very thin connection to their body, and goes into the void to take ONE soul at a time. BUT, the longer a soul has been departed from the mortal plane, the further away it is – so she can't just take anyone who's died like a hundred years ago. Her limit is like...a few months, at best. But the void constantly eats at her chakra, and if she stays too long, she'll just...die. So it's a powerful technique, but EXTREMELY risky and limited. Hopefully it seems balanced that way ='D)

So, Sasuke then leaves a few months later, and she begins her work. At this point she’s still working in the hospital, focusing on surgeries to give her more time at home with the twins, who are about 8 months at this point. But, after her shifts, she sneaks to the basement of the hospital (aka the morgue), where there are cryogenic pods for storing bodies. They're almost always unused, and it's there she pours every spare ounce of chakra she has into regrowing an entirely new body for Itachi. It takes her months, and she nearly kills herself doing it, using up too much energy, but eventually she finishes it.

After her collapse, Tsunade confronts her, and she has no choice but to reveal her plans. Of course, Tsunade FLIPS her table, because one: that's hella dangerous, and two: how is this going to work? A few select people know the truth behind Itachi, but there's a few issues with him being revived. One is that he's still guilty in most eyes. And even if they break the truth behind the massacre, that's highly dangerous. The administration of Konoha – the Hokage and the elders – WIPED OUT an entire clan due to dissent. If the other clans learned of this, it would surely break the village apart.

Ryū announces she has a plan. Due to her connections with Sasuke as his guardian/sibling figure, she's also bumped into most of the Konoha Twelve during her years in Konoha. Most of which are heirs or at least high-ranking members of large clans. She plans to speak to them first, as they're likely the most receptive after everything they faced in the war, and knowing Sasuke's loss as his friends and comrades. By securing their agreement to help with the issue, she hopes to avoid a total meltdown.

She also has a few favors owed to her by the Hyūga, who are arguably the most powerful clan now that the Uchiha are “gone”. One for attempting to protect Hinata during Pain's invasion (I didn't elaborate on that in the other rant, but if I wrote the whole thing out we'd be here for DAYS lol), and then of course reviving Neji. She plans to rely heavily on them and her friendship with Hinata to help keep the other clans in line, by talking to her and Neji first. Hopefully, that way, the Hyūga - already knowing the plan - can lead by example by being calm, and hopefully help the other clans keep from flipping tables.

Unfortunately, Tsunade lets the plan slip to Sakura...who then tattles to Sasuke. She confronts Ryū about it, asking why she wouldn't tell him, and Ryū argues that she didn't want to get his hopes up if it failed. But, Sasuke shows up anyway, and agrees to stay and help with the plan to break the news about the coup and the massacre.

With Tsunade and Sakura's help, Ryū performs her technique, their Byakugō helping bolster her chakra alongside her sage state. Normally, Itachi would have been dead far too long. But thanks to Edo Tensei, the “distance” has sort have been...reset. It wipes her out, but she manages it, and returns the soul to his rebuilt body!

Of course, one thing they have to deal with is getting Itachi mobile. The body is basically the same as a newborn's – it has NO muscle strength, so he ends up needing months of physical therapy to get up and moving. And until he's fit (and able to defend himself, as there's fears he'll be attacked), they work with the young heirs of Sasuke's generation to move their plans forward. Ryū has a meeting with the Konoha Twelve and explains everything, and of course they all agree to help.

Once Itachi is ready, the elders are called into a meeting with Tsunade...only to find themselves surrounded by the leaders and heirs of all the major clans. They reveal that they know the truth, that Itachi has returned, and if they refuse to admit to it, they can Edo Tensei summon Hiruzen to confirm their story. Basically backed into a corner, the elders are forced to step down, where they can't bring about anything else like the massacre.

The last thing that remains is Itachi's official pardon. Tsunade decides to use Kakashi's coronation as a platform, as everyone will be gathered anyway. He explains the truth behind the massacre, and official pardons Itachi. But there are some in the crowds that look...less than happy about it.

So, from there, the general premise is how the Uchiha have to get back on their feet – forming an alliance with the Hyūga, and doing their best to settle into Konoha again.

But it doesn't end there :3c

One day, while Itachi is speaking to Kakashi about rejoining the shinobi force, Ryū senses an intruder in the compound, walking up the Naka river. She runs out to confront them...only to realize that it's SHISUI.

(which is actually the Shisui from my sideblog lolol)

BASICALLY...I think it's bull that Shisui leapt into a RIVER to dispose of his body...like...really? There's a HUGE chance it would have washed up on shore and been found by gods know who. SO, MY Shisui instead went into hiding – the only way he could know his body was safe was to keep it alive, but have everyone THINK it was dead. Even Itachi. Of course, he PLANNED to die later, but couldn't be 100% sure it would be safe. So instead (super short summary), he lived in a cave along the Naka for about ten years and learned echolocation via chakra from bats (think Toph from ATLA, only with chakra lol)

So...suddenly, Shisui is alive. Ryū is ecstatic, of course...but Itachi is PISSED. Because...had he known Shisui was still alive, he might have kept trying. He might not have had to kill the clan. A LOT could have been different. So...it takes time for him to come around, due to the guilt he feels about the massacre, and now knowing there was a chance it could have been avoided. But in reality...not really.

So now we suddenly have five blood Uchiha rather than three: Itachi, Shisui, Sasuke, and the twins. It's obviously nowhere near the clan it was before, but it's more than it was!

And this is where things start to go to shit, lol

So, remember those people, unhappy about Itachi's return? Well...there's a rather volatile group who feel the same way. See, some of the old Root members, led by Danzō, still harbor a LOT of resentment, and are still loyal to his memory. Among them is Okano Sumire, a woman obsessed with Danzō, who was a high ranking officer under his regime. She's been plotting revenge against Sasuke already for “killing” Danzō (though he technically committed suicide), and now she's got a whole lot more to be pissed about. With the massacre's truth revealed, Danzō's name is now just...dragged through the mud. And with the revelation of Itachi, she now also knows that the twins are blood Uchiha.

So, she regathers the scattered remnants of Root who are still loyal to Danzō, becomes their new leader, and basically begins plotting to wipe out the Uchiha for GOOD, as she feels they are all guilty for Danzō’s death and subsequent dishonor.

This causes the family problems all throughout Arc Three. It starts small – threats left on their doorstep, people jeering at them in public, etc. Though it's partially helped by the Hyūga, who – as the Uchiha's allies thanks to Ryū's work with them – do all they can to help bolster the tiny clan's reputation. But Sumire begins spreading dissent into the village with rumors and lies, and eventually things starting getting dangerous, including Ryū and the twins being attacked in broad daylight. She manages to hold them off with barriers, but she's obviously pretty freaked out after being attacked in the middle of the street with her KIDS with her.

So that's like...the main conflict, alongside the twins' conflict with each other. They end up on a team with Mirai, as I mentioned, with Shisui as their team leader. They later enter ANBU when able, and do their best to counteract Root. The rest of the story is basically them trying to wipe out Root before Root wipes THEM out. Of course they don’t face it alone, but it’s also pretty much THEIR problem.

And, uh...there's a rather volatile event just before the actual epilogue where it's Ryū who confronts Sumire...and someone gets killed.

But I won't spoil that :3c

ANYWAY. So yeah. That's the basic conflict (well, conflictS) of Arc Three. I had to kinda change things a wee bit after chapter 700 and Boruto became a thing, but...it's mostly unchanged. Just gotta account for other kiddos, like Sarada. Otherwise, I’m completely ignoring the PLOT of Boruto, and just sticking the pairings/kids in it to keep close-ish to canon.

But uh..yeah! Second rant, finished xD

[billssefton]

coworker’s expensive wedding registry, how can I help my heartbroken boss, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss wants us to buy a colleague expensive gifts from her wedding registry

I generally know your feelings on this, but I’ve got another question about gifts flowing upwards. One of our senior level executives, Sansa, is getting married in a few months. Sansa is a dream to work for, and I have no qualms about her whatsoever.

Our office manager (and my direct boss) Arya has decided to do something nice for Sansa. Arya sent an email to me and all of the admin staff with directions on how to access Sansa’s wedding registry. She instructed us to each pick one item and buy it for Sansa. Then she was going to compile all of the items in a large gift basket, get a cake, and throw Sansa a small wedding shower in the office. I am fine with this idea, except all of Sansa’s items are way out of my price range! Sansa’s salary is much higher than mine, to say the least, and she is used to designer everything. I’d love to do something nice for Sansa, but there’s just no way I can afford this (I suspect the other admin staff can’t either). However, my boss made it pretty clear that this was required. (We had to do something very similar in the past; one of our senior male executives’ wife had a baby, and my boss told us each to get a baby gift that we could put all together and present to him.) My boss is very big on doing these types of things for our head honchos, I think to help win their favor over us.

I could talk to my boss, but I have no idea what to say since I know she already views this as mandatory, and she’s not one to listen to reason when she’s already made up her mind. What do I do from here?

Are you positive she views it as required, as opposed to just thoughtlessly assuming no one will object to it? Sometimes things come across as required when they’re really not — or at least they’re not if someone pushes back.

You could reply-all to the email and say, “I can’t afford a registry gift on my own, and I suspect others might be in the same boat. Does anyone want to go in on an item as a group?” (To ward off your boss then suggesting a very expensive item as the group gift, you could suggest a couple of specific options or even say, “my upper limit right now for a contribution is $15 — if we all did that, we could get the silver carafe.”) In other words, rearrange Arya’s plan so that it’s actually affordable for you and others.

If your boss pushes back, be straightforward: “I can’t afford this.” / “It’s not in my budget.”

It’s truly okay to set these limits, and it’s very likely that your boss won’t keep pushing after you’re that explicit about it (and that’s doubly true if you can get other coworkers to say the same thing).

2. How can I help my heartbroken boss?

I work for a small, family-owned company, I have worked here for four years, and although a lot of people have had their ups and downs, I really love my job and have always had a consistently positive experience. Because it is family-owned, the family dynamic carries over into our small office (in both good and bad ways). This is where things get a little tough.

My big boss, the owner and founder of our company, is going through an absolute heartbreaking time right now. His wife of almost 20 years has left him completely, because of his habits of completely overworking and inattention to her, and moreover, because of his horrible temper. (We all love her and understand that she needs to do what’s best for herself, and this is the right choice for her.) He’s devastated and refusing to seek any help. He is literally working himself to death. It’s affecting our business, our client and vendor relationships, and the morale of the company. He has put himself in a position where he is completely self-made and does not delegate properly, and everyone here, including his children, employees, and vendors, is completely dependent on him financially. But we are drowning without any direction or clear communication from him.

What can I do? What can we do for him? He refuses to exercise or seek therapy, and I think he is just so overwhelmed with sadness. How can I support him both professionally and personally, by maintaining boundaries, but also in a way that expresses “I’m here for you, how can I help to move things forward?”

This may not be yours to solve.

If you’re in a position where you work very closely with him and have strong rapport, you can certainly name what you’re seeing and tell him that you’re concerned both for him and the business. Depending on your role, you also might be able to offer to take specific things off his plate temporarily. And depending on the dynamics there, you might be more effective if you approach him along with some colleagues to all deliver the same message.

But do be really clear on the boundaries of what you can and can’t solve, and where it is and isn’t appropriate for you to intervene. For example, his family can certainly talk to him about exercise and therapy (and even then, they’re limited in how much it’s appropriate to push either of those), but it’s not really your role as an employee, although you can certainly express concern for him as a person. And ultimately, even family may not be able to get through to him. You’re going to be better able to navigate this — and to spot when it would be healthier for you to move on — if you go in knowing that there are some things you can try (see above) but that your ability to change the situation is inherently limited by the fact that he’s your boss (and that even totally aside from that, our ability to make other people help themselves is limited).

3. Should I tell my boss how much our new hire slacks off?

I am fairly close with my boss (CEO, we will call her Nancy). She has another full-time job, as this company is a start-up and not in a place yet to support her financially, so she is never present in person but always available via Slack. Our newest hire, our marketing director (we will call him Andy), is not very productive. He is on Facebook a lot, is messaging his friends back and forth on iMessage, and takes care of personal stuff like banking and taxes. He is part-time and we pay him by the hour.

Andy recently submitted a large project (that he only spent 30 minutes on), and when I asked what Nancy thought of it, she said there wasn’t enough detail and that she isn’t sure what he does all day. She has said this phrase to me numerous times in reference to Andy. I’m not sure if I should say something or if I should keep my mouth shut. If I say something, it will be clear that I said something, as I am the only one who shares an office with him (I also have a clear view of his computer screen all day). His position is very important and he wants to be full-time, but I don’t want us to waste money on his salary if he isn’t being productive. I can’t tell if Nancy is vaguely asking me for insight or not. If I should broach the subject, how should I do so, without coming off as a tattletale or power hungry?

If Nancy knows you to be a solid, reasonable employee, you’re not going to come off as power hungry or a tattletale. And this isn’t “tattling” — tattling would be something petty like “I saw Andy walk to the printer barefoot,” not something substantive and important to his work and your employer. In fact, Nancy will probably be grateful if you discreetly fill her in on what’s you’ve seen since she’s not there to witness it and seems to be confused about what’s going on with him.

So yes, say something. Don’t dance around it either; be direct and straightforward so she has the information she needs. You can add something like, “Since I have to share an office with him, ideally you’d leave my name out of this so there’s not tension in our workspace, but I understand you might not be able to.” Really, though, once you tip Nancy off, she should be able to just use this on background without getting into “Celeste told me…” Ideally, she’d use this as impetus to really focus in on his work and productivity and lack of output — which are all things she can see on her on and is what the real issue is anyway.

There’s a school of thought that you shouldn’t relay this kind of thing if it doesn’t impact you, but when something is significantly impacting the the organization’s work, good managers appreciate a discreet, one-time heads-up delivered in a professional way. (Plus, this may end up affecting you if it affects the organization’s finances over time.)

4. Can I take back an introduction?

I have this colleague who I’ve worked with for about a year. She told me she was job searching and the geographical areas she was looking at. One of the areas, I happen to know someone at that institution so I said, “Well if you’re looking there, I graduated with someone who already works there. I could introduce you in an email if you have any questions.” So I did. I didn’t make a straight up recommendation of this person, but I did say we worked on a project together, I appreciated her energy, and I hoped he didn’t mind about the email intro. He wrote back a very friendly email saying nice things and that he was happy to answer any questions she had.

It’s now a few weeks later and I’m concerned I made a mistake. He wrote in his email that “Clearly Cersei thinks highly of you!” and invited her to ask questions via email. But I don’t think highly of her anymore. This employee has really, really checked out and I’ve seen a significant decrease in her productivity and dedication to her job since I sent the email, and even some difficulty and lack of total follow-through on two things we collaborate on between our two departments. So it does actually affect my work in a minor way. I heard through the grapevine her review didn’t go well recently, and that her boss knows she is looking and is frustrated she now has a checked-out employee. It’s difficult and long to fire someone, so it’s unlikely that will happen here.

My question is, I want to take back my introduction! I am concerned that any connection with someone whose work quality goes down hill so quickly like this is bad for my name. I don’t plan in staying in this field forever, but my name is important. Can I or should I write back to my friend at the other institution and say something? Also should I tell her that I understand she’s looking but she still needs to finish strong here and I have seen a noticeable drop off? I’m not her boss, but I don’t know if she knows or it’s my place to say something to her as well.

How close are you to her? If you’re not pretty close to her or senior enough to be in a position to give her feedback, then I wouldn’t say anything directly to her. (If you are close to her, though, you could frame it as, “Hey, people are really noticing the drop-off in your work and it’s affecting your reputation — more of a nudge for her benefit than a professional scolding.)

But you could certainly send a discreet email to your contact saying something like, “Between you and me, due to some developments here in the last few weeks, I no longer feel comfortable recommending Jane for a job. If y’all are seriously considering her at any point, I can give you more information, but for now just wanted to clarify that she’s not someone I can vouch for.”

5. References when you work for a family member

I work for a family member (my uncle) at his small business. While I am currently happy with my job, I’ve wondered how it should be handled if I did have a job search in the future. The owner/family member is my direct boss, and I don’t really have a peer who could stand in for a reference here. So I suppose hypothetically, how would one navigate this situation?

All you can really do is be up-front about it: “I should note that my boss at this job is my uncle. While I don’t think that will bias him, I wanted to disclose it.” And then make sure you’re offering other references to choose from (from previous jobs if there aren’t any to use from this one) so that they can either skip the uncle altogether if they want or balance it against other references.

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coworker’s expensive wedding registry, how can I help my heartbroken boss, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from Ask a Manager http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/coworkers-expensive-wedding-registry-how-can-i-help-my-heartbroken-boss-and-more.html