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#Perdev
noxtivagus · 2 years
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gna be productive now
#🌙.vent#i'll delete those later you see nothing rn !!!!#i feel better after. what crying for an hour n writing#that said i have wasted time as well though so. i feel. rather empty still. idk but. i have to do this all#i have No energy but i really wna reply back to my friends n all#yeah that's the thing i could just make myself take steps for something better but#it feels so weird n empty if i just force it#maybe good will come out of it but i hate how weird n empty n. how forced it feels#yk every single second and emotion and thought matters a lot to me#it both spurs me onwards as well as simultaneously weigh me down#goddamn it's overwhelming but. sometimes it's really hard for me to just really accept that#yk life's a journey. all these imperfections come with it n with time we grow and grow#the world is very imperfect and we are too#i'm so confused wait theres really so much in my head ;;;; but one thing i know for sure is that#i don't have to be this harsh to myself when it comes to improving. like fuck time we all should be able to do this at our own pace#pressure pressure it feels like i'm both falling behind n am too far ahead at the same time. how confusing#that said perdev earlier w school reminded me that oh maybe i'm like this bcs i don't really have. a very stable support system#i manage a lot better if i at least have a friend or smth but i think recently i've been unintentionally#distancing myself. i usually isolate when i struggle bcs i don't want to be a burden but it just makes everything worse for me#that said thinking about the kind of comfort i would 'ideally' like right now#a shoulder to cry on? a warm hug? some words too or. another form of affection just to remind me in those moments that. you love me#goddamn i really do mean it huh when i say love's a big motive for me T_T it's. pure though and really from the heart#my love for the universe; i want to learn so much. my love for life; i appreciate so much. my love for myself; i want the best for myself.#n a reminder that i'm loved has always given me strength. to get up again and be kind to myself#yk what's done is done n regret wtvr n all but it's best to just. be kind to yourself. if you can. it's hard but that's really yeah#do better in the future but really accept n all that yeah mistakes are normal n human#it really is hard but i just need to remind myself constantly and practice that. i'm human too. meaning i'll always#we'll always be deserving of receiving the same kindness we give to others. n wholly accept it. unconditionally#one at a time at my own pace. fuck my perfectionism making me forget n lose the meaning of my passions n ambitions n wishes#improving.. T_T defeats its purpose if this is my approach to it. fuck the word 'need' right now i'll just do my best to be kind for myself
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vorreichetufossiqua · 5 months
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Ho appena realizzato che non dico "mamma e papà" da tantissimo tempo. Non perché non ci siano più, sono così fortunata da averli ancora su questa terra. Non perché siano separati, hanno deciso di "tenere insieme la famiglia'
Non so spiegarmi il motivo, ma non lo dico più, da diversi anni. Sembra di tornare bambina solo a pensarlo.
"Mamma e papà" , due parole così famigliari e così distanti. Due pilastri crollati tempo fa, la sensazione che avevo da piccola nel chiedere qualcosa.
"Mamma e papà" e un po' mi trema la voce, come se tutto ciò che viene dopo fosse sbagliato, troppo. Ritrovo la superficie dei sentimenti che provavo da bambina, in casa. Ricordo che quella casa era abbastanza grande da poter scappare quando qualcosa andava storto. Abbastanza grande da nascondersi quando non si volevano sentire le urla.
Ricordo "mamma", chiusa nella sua torre, una persona estroversa che ha scelto di infliggersi una vita introversa. Ricordo i sorrisi spenti, le frasi che avrebbe dovuto dire a sé stessa, i miei tentativi di salvarla da quella vita, i suoi sacrifici per farmi stare bene, il mio senso di colpa nel non riuscire ad accontentarla, l'inizio delle bugie.
E ricordo "papà", stanco di rientro dal lavoro, con la testa ancora piena di compiti da eseguire. Me lo ricordo frustato, nervoso, sempre pronto a esplodere. Mi ricordo che cercavo di alleggerirlo, cercavo di pensarci io. Mi ricordo il suo sguardo, quando sembrava che stessi superando il limite, e quel brivido in me, a metà tra "non vorrei" e "non mi piego". Quante lotte ho affrontato contro di lui, quante volte me ne sono pentita, amaramente.
Mamma e papà, papà e mamma, vi ho delusi vero? Vi ho feriti più di quel che una brava figlia dovrebbe fare? Sono stata troppo per voi? Così tanto da non essere riusciti a crearvi un futuro felice?
Se non ci fossi stata quante cicatrici in meno avreste?
Avrei voluto aiutarvi, ma ero piccola, e poi troppo ribelle per capire che eravate solo sovrastati dalla vita. Che perdevate il controllo perché non ne potevate più. Scusate per tutte le volte in cui non l'ho capito, in cui ho visto solo l'animale rabbioso, e non la fame che aveva.
Mi dispiace non essere stata abbastanza pacata, ubbidiente, diligente.
Ma, mamma, papà, perché non mi avete protetta?
So che non dovrei chiedervelo, so che, dopo tutto ciò che è successo, è la domanda sbagliata. Ma perché? Fingevo già così bene da non farvi preoccupare? O eravate convinti che alla fine, in qualche modo, sarei venuta su da sola? Che mi sarei salvata?
Mamma, papà
Scusatemi se sto sprecando questi giorni, queste settimane, mesi. Scusate per il male che ha subito il corpo che avete creato. Scusate per ciò che è successo nella mente di quella che un tempo era la vostra bambina. Non sono riuscita a proteggervi, e nemmeno a proteggermi.
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crazy-so-na-sega · 8 months
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"Ho fatto sorvegliare i suoi uomini e sono convinto che lei abbia usato i fondi della banca per speculare sui prodotti del paese. Quando vincevate, dividevate i profitti tra di voi, e quando perdevate, li addebitavate alla banca. Siete un covo di vipere e di ladri."
Presidente degli Usa Andrew Jackson in occasione della seduta di chiusura della seconda banca centrale degli Usa, 1834.
( fino a prova contraria )....
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minispidey · 10 months
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learned something from my perdev class. we seek other people's opinions to validate our feelings.
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pahintulot · 10 months
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Kathniel, the End of an Era.
I remember being a fan of Kathniel since I was 12 years old. I am proud to say that I am one of those fans who really rooted for them from the very start when they first starred in the "Growing Up" Sunday drama.
I watched every single Kathniel movie that made it to the cinema and have always followed them wishing they'd end up together in real life. And when they did officially became a couple, I cheered and rejoiced for them.
I remember the first issue abt Daniel back then and was angry at the other party. I have always viewed the other half of Kathniel as faultless and I admired them blindly.
Fast forward to more than 10 years later, I guess I am just rooting for Kathryn. I trust her judgment above all else. I trust the person she has become and she will become. I admire her braveness to walk away from a more than a decade of emotional attachment and relationship. She was such a strong woman to be able to finally made that decision.
I guess teaching the subject PerDev made me reflect a lot. It made me reflect a lot on relationships—that on one way or another, relationships are not permanent. They either grow stronger or grow apart. And for Kathniel, it was the latter.
The blaming game might start, but I am always all for Kathryn. Because I've seen her on screen and seen the person she has become.
My heart will be sad momentarily, but I know that her choice was necessary for her to heal. And we can never blame a person for choosing herself.
Like Kath, I will also be forever grateful to Kathniel for the kilig and good movies. I'll forever cherish the lessons I learned growing up from those movies.
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aeris--art · 2 months
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road map for perdev
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xoxoeli · 3 months
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groomer teacher namin sa perdev pero ung way na napapaopen nya kami is ssooo ajejjssjs why does it have to be the best teachers pa and pdf files
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tahosaumaga · 3 months
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YEHEY!!!! pasado sa lahat ng subs (sana perdev din hehe) masayang bye g11
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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LOOKING THROUGH MY CRATE RN N OH MY GOD I NEVER SAW THIS
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#🌙.rambles#[ gbf. ]#HE LOVES ME !!!! 🥺#i'm lucky enough to have two of him now then wtf#WAIT NO. NOW WITH ^#BRUH WHAT I HAVE HIM THRICE UNCAPPED#just need mats to uncap him for the last time holy fuck#animas from each of the four primarchs & supreme merits bcs i ran out :')#oh my god that was a surprise i certainly was not expecting#wait i've been busy multitasking several stuff for the past two hours hfjkadsjkf#i'm just autoing stories on jpsekai#afk in ffxiv rn#doing this problem set due on friday bcs i don't feel like working on the letter for perdev due tmmrw T_T i'll work on it later#i'm taking a break from just idk full autoing in gbf bcs i want to just. Breathe for a while#i was listening to some of mili's songs on repeat earlier but now i'm listening to eve ><#i'm gna stand up for a bit oh my god wait#i am v happy to be back to playing to gbf but#I AM BACK TO THE HELL /specifically/ 😭😭#yesterday i was multitasking auto on nier reincarnation to get enough crystals for some pulls & i was farming rainbow prisms for tien#after i got tien at like 6:50 am yes i laid down beside my phone on the bed n closed my eyes farming for more in nier#i only slept bcs. i think i accidentally dozed off oh my god#tho tbf it's nearly monday n the break is nearly over so i'm in a sort of. idk maybe a bit too obssessive to do as much 'productivity' as i#can before the break ends even at the cost of my own health 😭#i didn't mean to ramble here oh my god i will push the pain out of my head (& stomach literally bcs ouch this headache n stomach ache is 🥹)#I WILL STOP RAMBLING i will let myself rest by 10 pm
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jeonzzn · 8 months
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realtalk un ang iniiyak ko sa perdev mweheh
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alexanicolecuaderes02 · 10 months
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My Achievements
-Volleyball Mythical Six
-Grade 10 Honor Student
-Role play in PerDev
-Grade 12 Midterm With Honor
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mgcsrp · 11 months
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hopefully na hindi panoorin video namin sa perdev tom 😭😭😭
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rphaelll · 11 months
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Whoahhh my shoko art for perdev subject hehehehe🫶🫶
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myhomeeee · 1 year
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Have you ever had a friendship that seemed unlikely or improbable at first, but turned out to be a meaningful and cherished bond? Because me, I do.
When I transferred to the ABM strand I was so anxious because they knew each other and I was shy and afraid of them. I know some of them because we're in the same elementary school and junior high school. I still remember when I found myself in an unfamiliar environment and I've been nervous, anxious, and even afraid. Then, out of nowhere, someone appeared—a person who reached out with a genuine smile, a kind gesture, or a simple act of friendship and with that connection, however small, it had the power to change everything.
The first semester was totally my unforgettable experience especially that practical research was very hard but despite these challenges, this subject made us cooperate, help and unite with each other. I still remember how we multitask the broadcasting that time together with the reportings with other subjects. We all don't have enough sleep that semester due to the activities that were given to us, but however I'm so glad that we made it to the second semester.
Decorating our classroom for year end party and feeding program for perdev subject multitaskly was very hard, but with the cooperation and unity of each other, we accomplished all the necessary tasks that needed to be done. For now, the second semester almost comes to an end and one more year to go, we're all going to separate especially that we have different paths to take. Little do they know that they're healing me every time we hangout, so as long as we're still together, I cherish every moment we spend together. As what Dr. Seuss said, “Sometimes, you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.”
-Sam
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journal-sanji · 1 year
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April 27, 2023
Ms. Camille that our math teacher was absent and we didn't do anything to her subject therefore we  used her time to make the assignment in SOCSCI. In Science we have group activity again and we were the highest among other group. In Perdev we performed our play that enacting or creating scene representing the good stress and we got 97 score from Ms. De Dios and gave us assignment. In English, we were divided into two groups by Ms. Cath for debate. Our topic is "Homework should be banned" and we are in the negative side.In Filipino, we had recitation but the score is not recorded while in PR other groups had their proposal defend and all of us are not rejected except Group 5. The rest subject we hadn't do anything. 
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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bro i really don't want to work on the methodology 🥹
#🌙.rambles#tbd#i am Not happy with myself today#after the shot i napped for 4 hours n then#i procrastinated....#so i submitted my pt for perdev 30 minutes past the deadline#my output's good though. it looks good n the content i wrote is good. i'm certain of that#but . i submitted a bit late so#if i get a deduction that's wholly my fault but goddamn i will#everything in perdev i got perfect tho so#god i'm just gna be so angry at myself if i get a deduction for submitting late#which could've been easily avoided#i am. disappointed in myself#i need to stop procrastinating#it'll just be one point god i don't have to be so harsh on myself#sob it's my perfectionism again#i finished my lunch at 11 pm n i'm just eating dinner now#i'll try to get my part for the methodology done before i sleep. even if it's just a draft#god i know how to do research. i should be good at it. i did this last year in that#program of excellence class for science blah blah#n program of excellence for english blah blah also yk taught me harder stuff. technically#i'm so tired what the actual fuck is wrong with me#it's my procrastination. my health.#i know the reasons why i'm like this but it's so hard still to just#i can be kind to everyone but myself in this sense#i know i need to be kinder to myself. the pressure n my desire to be the best version of myself n keep on improving#kind of backfires doesn't it .#i am so painfully aware of it but it's just so hard to accept something better for myself#this. this pain happened because of me. i deserve it. but i also have to be kind to myself. n the necessity i place there n the clash just#tears me apart? i am so so tired oh my god
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