#Perdev

[choccorin]

night night everynyan !!! ^_^ exams are tomorrow :3

[orotrasparente]

ceh niente di meno so stat nu mes san che in settimana non avevo un cazzo da fare la sera

arriva sanremo:la prima di capitan america, compleanni

ringraziann a maronn so single e m zomb san valentino altrimenti perdev pur a serata cover e lì avrei veramente ceduto mentamente toccatemi tutto ma non la serata cover

[vorreichetufossiqua]

Ho appena realizzato che non dico "mamma e papà" da tantissimo tempo. Non perché non ci siano più, sono così fortunata da averli ancora su questa terra. Non perché siano separati, hanno deciso di "tenere insieme la famiglia'

Non so spiegarmi il motivo, ma non lo dico più, da diversi anni. Sembra di tornare bambina solo a pensarlo.

"Mamma e papà" , due parole così famigliari e così distanti. Due pilastri crollati tempo fa, la sensazione che avevo da piccola nel chiedere qualcosa.

"Mamma e papà" e un po' mi trema la voce, come se tutto ciò che viene dopo fosse sbagliato, troppo. Ritrovo la superficie dei sentimenti che provavo da bambina, in casa. Ricordo che quella casa era abbastanza grande da poter scappare quando qualcosa andava storto. Abbastanza grande da nascondersi quando non si volevano sentire le urla.

Ricordo "mamma", chiusa nella sua torre, una persona estroversa che ha scelto di infliggersi una vita introversa. Ricordo i sorrisi spenti, le frasi che avrebbe dovuto dire a sé stessa, i miei tentativi di salvarla da quella vita, i suoi sacrifici per farmi stare bene, il mio senso di colpa nel non riuscire ad accontentarla, l'inizio delle bugie.

E ricordo "papà", stanco di rientro dal lavoro, con la testa ancora piena di compiti da eseguire. Me lo ricordo frustato, nervoso, sempre pronto a esplodere. Mi ricordo che cercavo di alleggerirlo, cercavo di pensarci io. Mi ricordo il suo sguardo, quando sembrava che stessi superando il limite, e quel brivido in me, a metà tra "non vorrei" e "non mi piego". Quante lotte ho affrontato contro di lui, quante volte me ne sono pentita, amaramente.

Mamma e papà, papà e mamma, vi ho delusi vero? Vi ho feriti più di quel che una brava figlia dovrebbe fare? Sono stata troppo per voi? Così tanto da non essere riusciti a crearvi un futuro felice?

Se non ci fossi stata quante cicatrici in meno avreste?

Avrei voluto aiutarvi, ma ero piccola, e poi troppo ribelle per capire che eravate solo sovrastati dalla vita. Che perdevate il controllo perché non ne potevate più. Scusate per tutte le volte in cui non l'ho capito, in cui ho visto solo l'animale rabbioso, e non la fame che aveva.

Mi dispiace non essere stata abbastanza pacata, ubbidiente, diligente.

Ma, mamma, papà, perché non mi avete protetta?

So che non dovrei chiedervelo, so che, dopo tutto ciò che è successo, è la domanda sbagliata. Ma perché? Fingevo già così bene da non farvi preoccupare? O eravate convinti che alla fine, in qualche modo, sarei venuta su da sola? Che mi sarei salvata?

Mamma, papà

Scusatemi se sto sprecando questi giorni, queste settimane, mesi. Scusate per il male che ha subito il corpo che avete creato. Scusate per ciò che è successo nella mente di quella che un tempo era la vostra bambina. Non sono riuscita a proteggervi, e nemmeno a proteggermi.

[crazy-so-na-sega]

"Ho fatto sorvegliare i suoi uomini e sono convinto che lei abbia usato i fondi della banca per speculare sui prodotti del paese. Quando vincevate, dividevate i profitti tra di voi, e quando perdevate, li addebitavate alla banca. Siete un covo di vipere e di ladri."

Presidente degli Usa Andrew Jackson in occasione della seduta di chiusura della seconda banca centrale degli Usa, 1834.

( fino a prova contraria )....

[minispidey]

learned something from my perdev class. we seek other people's opinions to validate our feelings.

[pahintulot]

Kathniel, the End of an Era.

I remember being a fan of Kathniel since I was 12 years old. I am proud to say that I am one of those fans who really rooted for them from the very start when they first starred in the "Growing Up" Sunday drama.

I watched every single Kathniel movie that made it to the cinema and have always followed them wishing they'd end up together in real life. And when they did officially became a couple, I cheered and rejoiced for them.

I remember the first issue abt Daniel back then and was angry at the other party. I have always viewed the other half of Kathniel as faultless and I admired them blindly.

Fast forward to more than 10 years later, I guess I am just rooting for Kathryn. I trust her judgment above all else. I trust the person she has become and she will become. I admire her braveness to walk away from a more than a decade of emotional attachment and relationship. She was such a strong woman to be able to finally made that decision.

I guess teaching the subject PerDev made me reflect a lot. It made me reflect a lot on relationships—that on one way or another, relationships are not permanent. They either grow stronger or grow apart. And for Kathniel, it was the latter.

The blaming game might start, but I am always all for Kathryn. Because I've seen her on screen and seen the person she has become.

My heart will be sad momentarily, but I know that her choice was necessary for her to heal. And we can never blame a person for choosing herself.

Like Kath, I will also be forever grateful to Kathniel for the kilig and good movies. I'll forever cherish the lessons I learned growing up from those movies.

[tillknown]

this activity for perdev has been nothing but "fuck it we ball", "it is what it is", and "oh shit this still works"

[dawnmore]

Hi Jai!!

By the time you’re reading this, I just want to say happy, happy, happy not officially 18th birthday! Haha. Thank you for all the laughter, adventures, and memories we’ve shared since grade one. Even though we’re not as close as before, and even if I’m no longer the one you consider your “best friend,” I’ll forever be grateful for the bond we had.

You’ve always been such an important part of my life, and the memories we’ve created will always hold a special place in my heart. I’m so proud of the person you’ve become—strong, not totally kind (jk), and beautiful inside and out.

We may not be so vocal and open to each other. Ang daming away at tampuhan na piniling palipasin at hindi na ayusin. I don’t really know what happened between us. Ewan ko kung anong nagawa ko, kaya sorry. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you, sa lahat ng tampo mo na hindi ko napansin, at sa mga panahong kailangan mo ng kausap pero wala ako. Sorry dahil nagkaroon ka ng kaibigan na mataas na ang pride HAHA.

I just want to say that I may not have been the best friend you had, but I want you to know that I really care for you. Hindi mo siguro nafifeel , but I’m always here whenever you need someone to talk to. Also, save your heart for someone who truly cares. Alagaan and ingatan mo ang sarili mo since malapit na rin yung time na we’ll take different paths, and literal na we might not see each other for a long, long time.

I hope you find a best friend who will do everything for you and will really take care of you��unlike me😊. I hope you’re happy with your new friends, and I hope you can forgive me for all the bad things I did to you. We’ve grown apart already, and there are so many things I don’t know about you anymore. I don’t even know if you still trust me haha since most updates about you come from chikas. I really wanted to clear things up, which is why I wrote a long letter for you before (remember our activity in perdev), but I got scared of the possible changes after you read it. So many times, I tried to give you that letter but ended up not doing so. Now, I hope we’re okay na. Even if we’re not as close as before and you’ve found new best friends, I will always be here for you, silently cheering you on.

I’m so proud of you for being strong. I know you have a lot of things going on in your mind and choose not to share it with everyone. If ever you’re at that point again, please don’t hurt yourself. I’m here, and you can kwento para gumaan ang loob mo. Ngayon ko lang nasasabi ito dahil takot ako sa mga pagbabago, which nangyari na nga. Iiyak lang ako kapag nag-message ako sa’yo kanina, so through Messenger na lang HAHA. Gala tayo soon kapag may time! As you step into this new chapter of your life, I hope you embrace every opportunity and create even more unforgettable memories—even if I’m not the person you’ll share them with anymore. You deserve nothing but the best, Jai! Know that I’ll always be cheering for you, no matter where life takes us. Enjoy your day—you’re officially 18 (almost)! love lotss🫂😘💛

Love,

Trixy

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

Off I Go - Last Letter part 3

I'm so curious to see how the world will be. When I look at the career plan I made for perdev, I feel sad and empty with the possibility that I won't be achieving those goals. I wonder how my teachers will feel, that they may have contributed to my death haha. I feel bad. I’ve been feeling so numb. Apathy. A dangerous  moment, a feeling where you can't feel anything. You are numb. Actually when i was forced to stop cutting myself, the thoughts of suicide grew more, cause i cant release my pain anymore. It's just overflowing I guess. Prompting me to take action. Monique’s attitude at the hotel, there's a reason behind that but i still don't like the attitude. I wanted to leave but papa wouldn’t let me. It only hurted me more staying. Amplifying my motivation to suicide. I wonder if i’ll finally get to be with all of our dead pets, i wonder where brownie is. And all those other puppies that died. I wanna play with them. I regret not being able to spend time with them.

I feel bad for my brother, I hope he won’t remember me and I hope that he won’t look for me. 

I wanna continue playing my games. To buy all the things I want. Anime merchandise, food, i wanna spoil my friends and family. Buy them what they want. Give them money whenever they ask. Actually since grade 5, 2018 a dream of mine was to own a company, to be a successful doctor, rich enough to donate to charities, hold fundraisers, advocate for the marginalized, provide for the less unfortunate, bring proper education for children who can’t attend school. I wanna help people. Haha. I hope someone can do that instead. 

I’m so terrified of the fact that I might repeat my father’s mistake. I have his face, people tell me that I have my parent’s personality. Both the good and the bad perhaps? The face of a deceiver, the attitude of a tyrant. I don't wanna make my parents' mistakes. I get told that I'm smart, I don't believe them. They tell me that I'm beautiful, I don't believe them. They tell me that this will pass, I don't believe them. They tell me that I'm mature, that I'm too mature, that I act old but I don't feel like I do, I don't feel like I am. Is this gaslighting? Are they tricking me? No, what they see in me and at me is different from what I see from myself. Is this pessimism? I don’t think that they're lying to me, but what they’re saying doesn’t align with the results, it doesn’t align with the evidence.  Napupuno na ako sainyo, bipolar masyado si mama, biglaan ako pagalitan out of nowhere. I don't wanna blame you but all of you reading this will have an influence on my death. I can’t take it anymore, you all keep telling me to be strong, you're the achie, stay strong, stop crying. You made me stop cutting my arms which only hasten and worsened my thoughts of suicide, because i couldn’t take out my anger, my pain, my frustration. You don’t know, how comforting it was to cut myself. It was my only release of pain, I can't enjoy my games anymore, I can't even study, nothing is being comprehended, I lost my comprehension. I’m holding you all responsible for this outcome but the biggest fault here will always be mine. Because i’m the one who decided to kill myself, i’m the one who deprived myself a chance to change and a chance to live.

[aeris--art]

road map for perdev

[tahosaumaga]

YEHEY!!!! pasado sa lahat ng subs (sana perdev din hehe) masayang bye g11

[jeonzzn]

realtalk un ang iniiyak ko sa perdev mweheh

[alexanicolecuaderes02]

My Achievements

-Volleyball Mythical Six

-Grade 10 Honor Student

-Role play in PerDev

-Grade 12 Midterm With Honor

[mgcsrp]

hopefully na hindi panoorin video namin sa perdev tom 😭😭😭

[myhomeeee]

Have you ever had a friendship that seemed unlikely or improbable at first, but turned out to be a meaningful and cherished bond? Because me, I do.

When I transferred to the ABM strand I was so anxious because they knew each other and I was shy and afraid of them. I know some of them because we're in the same elementary school and junior high school. I still remember when I found myself in an unfamiliar environment and I've been nervous, anxious, and even afraid. Then, out of nowhere, someone appeared—a person who reached out with a genuine smile, a kind gesture, or a simple act of friendship and with that connection, however small, it had the power to change everything.

The first semester was totally my unforgettable experience especially that practical research was very hard but despite these challenges, this subject made us cooperate, help and unite with each other. I still remember how we multitask the broadcasting that time together with the reportings with other subjects. We all don't have enough sleep that semester due to the activities that were given to us, but however I'm so glad that we made it to the second semester.

Decorating our classroom for year end party and feeding program for perdev subject multitaskly was very hard, but with the cooperation and unity of each other, we accomplished all the necessary tasks that needed to be done. For now, the second semester almost comes to an end and one more year to go, we're all going to separate especially that we have different paths to take. Little do they know that they're healing me every time we hangout, so as long as we're still together, I cherish every moment we spend together. As what Dr. Seuss said, “Sometimes, you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.”

-Sam

[journal-sanji]

April 27, 2023

Ms. Camille that our math teacher was absent and we didn't do anything to her subject therefore we  used her time to make the assignment in SOCSCI. In Science we have group activity again and we were the highest among other group. In Perdev we performed our play that enacting or creating scene representing the good stress and we got 97 score from Ms. De Dios and gave us assignment. In English, we were divided into two groups by Ms. Cath for debate. Our topic is "Homework should be banned" and we are in the negative side.In Filipino, we had recitation but the score is not recorded while in PR other groups had their proposal defend and all of us are not rejected except Group 5. The rest subject we hadn't do anything.