#Phil doesn't know why Steve is so traumatized or where he got his scars but he's fine living in the dark... mostly

[artiststarme]

Love Me For Me

Based on a prompt by @mysticcrownshipper. I hope this meets your expectations! Please leave your thoughts in the comments and if you have any other prompt ideas, send them my way!

~*~*~*~

Steve was having a great time. It was a warm summer day, all of the kids were having a great time in the pool, and there was a strong chance that he would get to see Eddie shirtless today. It was a great day, indeed. It had been weeks since the entire Party could get together and have fun. After everything that happened over Spring Break, having to recover from their injuries in the hospital, and clear Eddie’s name with the cops and the town, they deserved to let loose for a while. 

It was different for Steve though. This was his house and he was hosting so it was less about having fun himself and more about making everything amazing for the rest of the Party. Not to mention, he did not want to show off all of his horrific scarring in a swimsuit, thank you very much. 

So when Mike makes a comment about being thirsty, Steve is springing up off his lounge chair to get him a drink from the kitchen, maybe a little snack for the rest of the kids. He grabs a handful of juice boxes and some bags of chips. He considered making sandwiches as well but decided that he’d hold off on that until Robin and Eddie got there. 

When he went to step back outside, he could hear the muffled talking of the kids and stopped for a second. It sounded like they were talking about him. 

“Mike, why do you keep telling him to do things? He’s already letting us use his pool, go get your own damn juice box. He’s not your maid,” Max hissed. 

“Well why else would we need to keep him around?” Mike asked her.

“What are you talking about?” Dustin wondered.

“I mean, come on! What does Steve bring to the table besides being rich? He has a pool and a big house and he gives us food. That’s it!” Mike raised his voice to further emphasize his point. It only made it easier for Steve to hear every heartbreaking word. 

“He gives us rides too when we need them,” Will added in Steve’s defense.

“Hey, Steve is our friend! Do not be mean to him,” El demanded. 

“El, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying that if he’s our friend because he’s rich. We wouldn’t like him if he wasn’t because what could he give us then? Smart ideas, good conversation, funny jokes? Don’t kid yourself,” Mike patronized. 

“Hey, he’s our friend because he protected us from the Upside Down!” Dustin squealed in righteous anger.

“Okay, so he’s good at getting his ass kicked and being rich, that’s still it though,” Mike rebutted. No one said anything to that in response.  

The silence of the other kids was heartbreaking. Steve thought that these kids loved him like he loved them, like the little annoying brothers and sisters that he never had. But to hear that they just kept him around for material reasons and not what he could provide characteristically? They were just like Tommy, Carol, and all of his other old friends that just used him instead of liking him. And finding out about it sucked. 

Steve turned around and went back into the kitchen. He laid his head on the counter on folded arms. It was fine. No one ever truly liked him for him so what did it matter? He’d always known that the kids felt that way, of course they would. But why did hearing it from them hurt so much? In the midst of his breakdown, he didn’t hear the front door open or the footsteps moving towards the kitchen. In his defense, though, he really wasn’t paying much attention to anything outside his thoughts. 

“Steve? Are you okay?” He heard Eddie’s voice before he felt his hand settle to rest between his shoulder blades. 

His head shot up from the counter to find both Robin and Eddie looking at him in concern. It sent him over the edge and he lunged at Eddie, wrapping his arms around his torso and shoving his face into the crook of his neck. 

“Woah Stevie, are you okay?” Eddie asked him whilst he hugged him in return. “C’mon Big Boy, talk to me. What happened?”

“The kids said they only like me because I have money. ’Cause I have a pool and a car, not because I’m a good person to be around or the fact that I’ve literally put my life on the line for them. It just hurts, they’re just like everyone else.” Steve was proud of himself for speaking without any tears escaping. If he started crying about this, he’d never be able to stop.

“Steve, I’m sorry they said that. They’re just kids, I’m sure they didn’t mean what they said and maybe you heard it out of context! It is cool that their friend has a pool they can swim in and drives them all around town in his cool car. It’s not a bad thing, Steve. I mean, hell, we all take advantage of it. That’s why we keep you around!” Robin said jokingly. 

But Steve didn’t take it as a joke. His best friend only kept him around for that too? What about their girl talks and the sleepovers when either one of them had nightmares about being tortured by Russian spies? Did it all mean nothing to her?”

“C’mon Stevie, let’s head back out there. We’re here to have fun, okay? Don’t worry about this, I’m sure you’re thinking that it’s worse than it actually is.” Eddie patted his shoulder and stepped back from his hug, grabbing a Hi-C juice box in his retreat. 

Oh my god, they all thought that! Steve had never felt as betrayed and hurt as he did in that very moment. Here he was thinking that he had finally found a family that wanted him but they were just like everyone else. His parents only had him in the first place because society told them to and they only kept him around to show off until he became too much of a disappointment to do so. Tommy and Carol only kept him around for the status that came with befriending the rich boy with rich parents and a big house that always felt too lonely. His teammates on the basketball and swim teams only kept him around for his athletic ability and as soon as the concussions got too severe to play organized sports, they dropped him like a brick.

The Party that he thought was his family was just like everyone else that came before, were just using him to get to an end goal and then were going to drop him just as everyone had before. But at least it was good while it lasted, he guessed. He shook his head lightly to clear his thoughts and pasted a deceitfully fake smile on his face. 

“Yeah, I’m sure they didn’t mean it. I’m just overreacting like always. It’s fine, let’s get back out there,” he muttered. 

Both Eddie and Robin nodded enthusiastically and started piling their arms up with drinks and snacks. Steve was distracted the rest of the day deliberating the words of the Party. He was so contemplative that he didn’t check Eddie out when he took his shirt off, didn’t notice when El and Will looked at him in concern, and didn’t care when the kids splashed him with water. He just couldn’t fake it as well as he usually could today so he didn’t even try. It’s not like anyone noticed anyways. 

~*~*~*~

After a couple of days, Steve was still ignoring the issue. That was his go-to strategy for anything he didn’t want to deal with and it hadn’t failed him yet. It worked when his parents were home and he had to ignore the startling lack of love from either of them. It never failed him when he received a poor score on a test that told him he wouldn’t be going to college or when he couldn’t read the swimming words written on the board when the teacher asked him to. It worked for a while when he ignored the distance growing between him and Nancy after she accused him of murdering Barb. 

The point was, he was good at ignoring problems and pretending to be fine when his entire worldview was falling apart. It was fine. Or it was until he ran into Hopper a few days later.

He was just trying to return some Tupperware containers to Joyce, he didn’t want to have a full on conversation with his pseudo-dad or share a cigarette with him when he was trying to quit. Yet here he was, sitting on the stoop of the porch with a cigarette in hand trying to ignore the prying eyes of Hopper. 

“What’s going on, Harrington? You missed family dinner yesterday and you didn’t call or anything. We were worried about you, kid.”

Steve’s eyes watered slightly so he pinched his nose to stop the tears. “Um yeah, I wasn’t really feeling it yesterday. Sorry.”

“What’s going on with you? We’re trying to be a family to you kid but you keep pushing us away.” Hopper sounded hurt at the thought and it only served to make Steve feel more guilty. 

“I’m sorry, Hop. The kids said something that messed me up a few days ago, I’ll get over it.”

“You better,” Hopper grumbled before taking another drag from his cigarette. 

They sat in silence for a moment before Steve asked him a question he thought he needed to know. Looking back, he shouldn’t have. “Hop, why are you guys so intent on treating me like family? Why me?”

He sighed and scratched his beard before answering. “I feel bad for you, kid. You’re all alone in that big house, your parents don’t come home, and you don't really have anything going for you. You work a dead-end job and you don’t have a future to look forward to. Steve, you just seem lost and I have a habit of taking the lost ones in.”

Steve nodded at him and they quietly went back to their cigarettes without sharing any more words. Hop only brought him in because he pitied him. He didn’t love him like a son as Steve had always thought, he felt bad for him and wanted to give him something to look forward to because Steve was too much of a loser to have a life that could mean anything. 

He held it together long enough to finish his cigarette, numbingly agree to attend Family Game Night in a few days, and drive to his brother’s house. The tears stayed in until Phil answered the door to his house and upon seeing the crumbling of Steve’s carefully crafted facade, pulled him into a hug. The sobs spilled out of him after that with such force that Phil’s whispered comforts and confused reassurances couldn’t be heard. 

They must have stayed in that embrace for upwards of five minutes, just standing in the open doorway, experiencing a strong déjà vu. Steve hadn’t cried this hard since the brutal screaming match between his parents and brother that resulted in Phil being disowned. Phil had held him then too, promising that he would always love him and that he would be around as much as he could be. 

The parallel left both of them unsettled so Phil pulled him into the house and to the comfy living room couch he knew Steve loved. He sat on his knees in front of Steve and tried to make eye contact through Steve’s messy hair. “Hey Steve-o, you’re making me nervous, kid. What’s going on?”

“Why am I never enough for anyone?! You left, mom and dad left, Tommy and Carol didn’t fight to stay, Nancy cheated on me because I wasn’t enough, the kids are only using me for my pool, and Hop pities me because I’m an idiot. Why can’t anyone ever just love me for me?” Steve wailed. 

Phil’s eyebrows scrunched further in concern, “Steve, what the hell? I’m sure that’s not true-”

“You too?! You’re seriously going to tell me they’re right like Eddie and Robin did? No one ever sticks around for me! They just want the shit I can give them because ‘I’m rich and lonely’ and I’m fucking sick of it!” He yelled at him.

“Steve, I’m not saying they’re right. I’m saying you’re wrong because I didn’t leave. I’m right here and I love you for you. You’re my bratty little brother who gets into weird situations he refuses to explain and hangs out with a bunch of children, a drug dealer, and my boss. You’re weird as hell sometimes but I’m here, okay? You’re not alone.”

“I’m just sick of being used, Philly. For looks or popularity or pool privileges. I just want them to love me.”

“Hey, I’m sure they do. Kids are weird, I was certain you hated me for years when you were a teenager. Kids do that and I’m sure your other friends were just confused,” Phil tried to comfort.

Steve just sighed and ran a weary hand through his hair. The last couple of days had been a whirlwind of heartache, betrayal, and exhaustion. All Steve wanted to do was get away from it all and recoup in a place he didn’t feel suffocated. Then an idea sparked in his head.

“Hey, do you still have your dad’s old cabin up north?”

“Um yeah, I go up there sometimes on my days off. Why?” Phil asked, a knowing glint in his eyes telling Steve that he already knew.

“Can I hang out there for a few days? I just want to get away from all of this.”

Phil observed him for a few minutes before nodding. “Yeah, that’s fine. You can head up today and I’ll meet you up there this weekend after my shifts. You gonna be okay on your own?”

Steve just rolled his eyes at him, “of course I will be. Who do you take me for?”

“The kid that’s gotten four concussions in the past three years from nefarious, unknown causes,” he said completely deadpan. 

“Okay, that’s not fair. How do you know it’s nefarious if you don’t know the reason?”

Phil’s mustache twitched in the way it always did when he was about to start ranting. “You-” he took a deep, calming breath and started again. “I don’t want to argue with you right now. I’m going to go get the keys and write you some directions. Just chill here for now or whatever.”

Sure, his life might be spinning out of control and his friends might only be using him to reap the benefits that come with being a neglected rich kid but at least he had his brother. With another comforting hug, Phil gave him the keys and a note, some cash for snacks on the drive, and Steve was on his way. He had the chance for a few days away and he was going to take the time to relax and ponder on his self-worth. 

When Phil finished his shifts and could pull himself away from his work, he’d head up to the cabin for some much needed Bro Time. They’d talk about things, drink some beers on the bank of the lake, and make s’mores over a campfire like they used to before life got too complicated for them both. Most of all though, they’d spend time together. It would be Phil and Steve against the world like it always has been. 

~*~*~*~

It wasn’t one of the kids that noticed Steve’s abrupt disappearance. The kids, Eddie, and Robin hadn’t reached out to Steve since that disastrous pool party. No, it was Nancy that started putting the pieces together. 

When Mike asked her for a ride to the arcade, her hackles raised. “Why do you and your friends need a ride from me? Isn’t that usually Steve’s job?”

“Yes,” he sneered at her. “But Steve didn’t pick up Dustin’s phone call or answer the walkie when he said it was a code red. So we need you to give us a ride. Please.”

Nancy was so confused at Steve’s lack of reply that she didn’t even ask any more questions. She just picked up her purse and told Mike to go get in the car. 

Why wouldn’t Steve answer a code red? Out of all of the adults, Steve was the most hypervigilant and high-strung about the walkies. If he’d heard a code red, he would’ve answered. 

She had a bad feeling about this so once she picked up all of Mike’s annoying friends and dropped them at the arcade, she went to Family Video to talk to Robin. 

“Welcome to Family Video, how can I- oh hi Nance! What’s up?” She asked excitedly.

“Hey, have you heard from Steve recently? The kids couldn’t get a hold of him. Has he talked to you today?” Nancy asked her. 

Robin looked perplexed. “He wasn’t home? He called Keith today and told him that he was feeling sick and couldn’t work this weekend. I thought he might be fighting off a migraine or something. Whenever that happens, he holes up in his room in the dark for a few days until it wears off. Where else could he be?”

“I don’t know but I have a bad feeling. When was the last time you saw him?”

“Um, at the pool party he threw on Monday. He said he invited you but you were busy,” he had indeed. Nancy had been touched at the invite but ultimately already had plans with Jonathan. “He said the kids said something that hurt his feelings but Eddie and I thought he was overexaggerating. But you know, he was kind of distant the rest of the night. He was there but not really… you know?”

A picture was starting to form for Nancy. But they couldn’t do anything but worry about Steve. If he wanted to lay low for a while without being pressured by the friends that hurt him, then Nancy wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that. When he got back, she would show him that she cared and hopefully that would be enough. 

“Yeah, I know. I’m sure he’s fine. I have to go but I’ll see you later!” Hopefully too much damage hadn’t already been done. 

~*~*~*~

The next people to notice were perhaps the most surprising. The Corroded Coffin boys were talking to Eddie before practice in Gareth’s garage when Jeff peered behind his shoulder. 

“Hey man, where’s Steve? Did you two have a fight or something?” He asked him.

Eddie just looked at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Jeff returned his look looking just as puzzled. “Steve? I saw him at the grocery store on Monday and invited him to watch us practice. The dude wouldn’t stop raving about your guitar skills so I told him to come see them in person. Did you piss him off or something?”

“Why would you invite him to practice though? You guys don’t even like him.”

“Woah hey, that’s not true! He helped my mom fix her tire like two weeks ago when we were stranded on the side of the road so I love the guy,” Gareth said. “And he completely blasted Andy’s reputation when he was picking on Grant at the arcade last week. Harrington’s a cool dude now.”

Eddie just looked at them in utter bewilderment. What the hell? “Why haven’t you guys told me any of this?”

He was taking a sip of his Mountain Dew when Jeff answered. “Uh, we thought he would tell you. You guys are dating, right?”

Eddie spit his Mountain Dew all over Grant’s drum kit and started choking. 

“Dude, what the hell?!”

“Wh-why do you think we’re dating? We’re not and even if I was interested in him, which I’m not, Steve is straight!” Eddie sputtered.

All three of his bandmates looked at him unimpressed. Grant was still fuming at his sullied drum kit, Gareth was over Eddie being an idiot, and precious Jeff looked like he was a hair’s width away from losing his patience. 

“Eddie, he is not straight. He’s been flirting with you for months and even told me that he was looking forward to the pool party to see you shirtless. He’s interested,” Jeff said with a sigh that told Eddie he thought he was being a dumbass. 

Eddie just stared at them though. “There’s no way. I haven’t even talked to him since that pool party and I’m certain I would’ve noticed him checking me out. There’s no way.”

“Dude, you’re oblivious,” Gareth grumbled. 

“He hasn’t reached out or anything in days! That’s not good crushing etiquette!” Eddie stammered. 

“Did something happen at the pool party then? How did you fuck this up?” Grant accused.

“I didn’t fuck anything up! He was sad about something the kids said so I comforted him and then we went swimming. Steve never even got in the pool and he didn’t check me out at all. You guys are crazy.” 

“That means whatever you said fucked it up! Nice going, dumbass,” Gareth told him. 

“Okay, go fix this with Steve. We’ll move practice to Sunday and we want to hear all about how you fixed this. Maybe give him chocolate or flowers-”

“Steve’s allergic to flowers,” Eddie cut him off.

“And prove that you’re sorry and want to date him. Maybe take your shirt off since he didn’t see it in the pool. Just go,” Jeff ordered. 

Without another word, Eddie took off. He drove past Steve’s house first but his car wasn’t in the driveway. He drove around Family Video next but still didn’t see the maroon Beemer. Where was this guy? He didn’t see him anywhere. 

What he did see on his drive was a police cruiser with a glaring Officer Callahan inside. Eddie had to do a double take to confirm that he was glaring at him. What the fuck, he was driving the speed limit like any other law-abiding citizen, the glare was completely unfounded. 

Disheartened at the lack of Steve and confused at the officer’s ire, Eddie went home. He slammed the trailer door open and stalked into the kitchen to get a beer. He didn’t know why Steve was upset or why he was hiding from Eddie of all people but it hurt. It made Eddie angry in turn.

Wayne appeared behind him with an observing look in his eyes. “Eds, I haven’t seen ya this crabby for weeks. Maybe call that Harrington boy over, he always makes you happy.”

Wayne’s words were supposed to make Eddie laugh, maybe argue with him a little bit, anything to get rid of the hostile blankness on his face. What they ended up doing though was causing a panic attack. 

Eddie’s breaths started coming in in pants and tears started leaking from his eyes. Wayne thought they were dating too? How oblivious had he been that he hadn’t realized Steve was interested? And how did he fuck it up when he didn’t even know?!

Wayne was far too used to Eddie’s panic attacks. He didn’t ask any questions or question why what he said had caused a reaction. He just collected Eddie into his arms and rocked him like he was a scared kid instead of a traumatized 21 year old. 

“Calm down, Eds. Yer okay, everything’s okay. I’m here for you, Uncle Wayne is here. You just needta calm down a little bit. Keep breathing, kiddo. It’s alright.”

After a few minutes and many comforting repetitions on Wayne’s part. Eddie buried his face into Wayne’s shoulder and cried. He knew distantly that their position on the kitchen floor couldn’t be good for Wayne’s back and aching joints but he couldn’t bring himself to move. 

“Steve is gone! I looked everywhere for him but I couldn't find him! I fucked it up, I don’t know how but I did and now he’s gone!” He cried pitifully.

“Hey, I’m sure it ain’t because of you and I know he’ll be back. Whatever happened, you can talk it out with him in a couple of days. Just relax.”

He was right, as usual. Steve would come back eventually and when he did, there would be plenty of groveling and apologies. Eddie would make sure Steve knew how sorry he was at whatever he did and would make the kids and Robin apologize for good measure. He would fix this and Steve would never feel the need to escape ever again. 

(Meanwhile, Steve is at the cabin having the time of his life, drinking ice cold beers by the lake and watching some deer chilling in the distance. He has no idea that his leaving made a mark but he was sure going to find out in a few days when he gets back.)

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