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emprexxluxaic · 3 years ago

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ᰋ ׅ࣪ ꒰ possible profession ♡︎ where your future spouse live ꒱

⠀ׅ ♡⠀࣪ emprexxluxaic ⸺ your angel ׅ ࣪ 𝅄

──⠀۪ ఌ︎ ۫ 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚜𝚊𝚕𝚎 ୨୧ ( 𝚊𝚟𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 )

ᴾᴵᴸᴱ ᴼᴺᴱ ᪶ ᴾᴵᴸᴱ ᵀᵂᴼ ᪶ ᴾᴵᴸᴱ ᵀᴴᴿᴱᴱ

⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝

THE TWO CUPS IN A BALCONY

⏜ ︵⊹︵ ⏜ ︵ ୨୧︵ ⏜ ︵⊹︵ ⏜

This might be someone who doesn’t want to be honest and open. They don’t prize communication, but would rather run from the truth.Most of the time they are cool, calm and unemotional.Someone who is clever and acutely aware to their current situation.They know how to control their lives and quite determined for their short term goals.In terms of communication they know when to speak and right words to use to make it easy maybe they like hosting party?,they are responsible and down to earth person,hardworking person and very commited to their jobs or studies,they can be very organized and likes to spend there time in library who loves to read books and interesting articles online.a pet and nature lover,may be they own a pet and likes to plant.They appreciate the beauty of our nature and enjoy simple walks in parks or hiking,also loves food and going to picking fruits in summer/spring or autumn,they found it enjoyable.if this a woman they very conservative into their clothes maybe because of their beliefs/culture,you probably don't them showing there skin alot or wearing trendy clothes but likes to buy good quality clothes that will last longer.Also they think about what decisions she will make and don't like to be quick,they will rather spend time weighting the pros and cons.they move very slowly but very patient they make sure that everything is perfect cause they always like it to be perfect , a perfectionist.

THEIR PROFESSION :

WHERE THEY LIVE :

Kazakhstan, Kyrgyz Republic, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan , Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Iran, Maldives, Nepal, Pakistan, Sri Lanka , Scandinavia , Paraguay , New Zealand , Portuguese , Argentina, Bolivi, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, Ecuador, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, the Dominican Republic and Uruguay [ SOUTH EAST AND EAST ASIA ]

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⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝

A CAT UNDER THE SHADY CLOUDS

⏜ ︵⊹︵ ⏜ ︵ ୨୧︵ ⏜ ︵⊹︵ ⏜

This person is someone calm, non-confrontational, and placid. They have learned to get along with almost anyone and make great partners and friends,only few things upset them.In any problems they work towards a peaceful resolution that will benefit everyone,this people simple life and avoid busy places and crowds,they need quiet and peace to think better their thoughs also tends to seeks relief from very tiring day they really love day offs and breaks from daily life. they make choices from their heart and puts effort on how they appear maybe they like fashion because they care how you/other people think about them and their appearance and image Whenever this people in a relationship they put effort for being witty and appealing,often wants to feel the relationship is whole,they have balanced approach in life or to people that surround them.They naturally an excellent communicator and mediators who brings best into other lives.They can be over confident and may brag their abilities to others,they love attention and often expect everyone to gave them recognition (can have narcissistic traits) when people are not affected by their charms they feels something is wrong with them.

THEIR PROFESSION :

WHERE THEY LIVE :

Honduras,Saint Barthélemy,Antigua and Barbuda,Dominica,Nicaragua,Cayman Islands,El Salvador,Bermuda,Saint Pierre and Miquelon,Greenland,Saint Kitts and Nevis,Costa Rica,Montserrat,Panama,Sint Maarten,Guadeloupe,Belize,Bahamas,Turks and Caicos Islands,Saint Martin,Canada,Martinique,U.S.A.,British Virgin Islands,Jamaica,Barbados,Puerto Rico,Caribbean Netherlands,Saint Lucia,Guatemala,Curaçao,Anguilla,Trinidad and Tobago,Mexico,Haiti,Cuba,Grenada,Saint Vincent and the Grenadines,Dominican Republic,Aruba,United States Virgin Islands,Bahrain, Cyprus, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Palestine, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, the Syrian Arab Republic, Turkey, the United Arab Emirates and Yemen,New Zealand, Australia, France, Norway, the United Kingdom, Chile, and Argentina [ EUROPE ]

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⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝ִ︶⏝

SOMEWHERE AWAY FROM THE CROWDS

⏜ ︵⊹︵ ⏜ ︵ ୨୧︵ ⏜ ︵⊹︵ ⏜

This is someone with a gentle nature being both generous and abundant,might be introvert or they just love their home and loves gardening,they enjoy spending time in decorating , cooking , and gardening.Often do well in their chosen field and people that who knows or surrounds them loves to pay a visit into their house also they love to entertain other people and has big heart.They desire for success and will do anything just to achieve it, no matter what challenges they ben through they sees life as passion and inspiration .Always has new or fresh ideas and they don't hesitate at moving forward ,they are strong and have the ability to succed the all odds,confident and accomplised people.They geniunely love their family and loves kids ,they are nurturing and often makes a good parent in future or now?.This person is very grateful ay anything they have whether it's material or not indeedreally loves their family and family means alot for them (maybe a family oriented).for other who choose this pile they will might get a wealthy spouse or a spouse coming from well stablish or wealthy family or will get wealthy after marriage.They good at working an might reaping their awards and share it with less fortunate people.

THEIR PROFESSION :

WHERE THEY LIVE :

COUNTRIES IN AFRICA , FIJI , PAPUA NEW GUINEA , SOLOMON ISLANDS , MARSHALL ISLANDS , MICRONESEA , NEW ZEALAND , VANUATA , AUSTRALIA , SAMOA , PALAU , KIRIBATI , TUVALU , NAURU , TONGA , UNITED KINGDOM , IRELAND , SCOTLAND , ANTARTICA , VICTORIA(SOUTHEASTERN AUSTRALIA)

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dedicated song :

ᵃˡˡ ʳⁱᵍʰᵗˢ ʳᵉˢᵉʳᵛᵉᵈ ᵇʸ ᵉᵐᵖʳᵉˣˣˡᵘˣᵃⁱᶜ ᵒⁿ ᵗᵘᵐᵇˡʳ ²⁰²²

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mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 2 years ago

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Event planning

Inspired by me watching too many wedding shows

"I really don't know what to do for my bachelorette party!" Yanli sighed, shutting her laptop a bit too forcefully. "Every idea I've seen is just so... weird!"

"What, not into the strip club thing?" Wei Ying laughed as he emerged with an armful of snacks after rummaging through her pantry. "The peacock would freak out if you did that, it would be so funny! I can already imagine him screaming, crying, throwing up about it!"

Yanli sighed and sent him a stern look. "A-Xian."

"Going to a strip club for a bachelor or bachelorette party is just downright disrespectful in my opinion." Wen Qing chimed in, handing Yanli a glass of champagne. "How can you claim you're excited about getting married if you act like a horn dog around strangers the night before?"

Wei Wuxian helped himself with a glass of his own. "Yeah, true. I don't know how I would've reacted if Lan Zhan wanted that for his bachelor party when we married."

Wen Qing flicked his forehead. "As if Lan Wangji would be in any way interested in anyone that isn't you!"

"I did prank him that I wanted to go to a strip club for my own bachelor's." A suggestive smile. "That went just about as well as you can imagine."

An eye roll. "Yeah, we know, he fucked the idea right out of you."

"As he always does ♡"

"This still doesn't fix my problem, though!" Yanli whined, sinking into the plush sofa of her living room. "It was so easy for A-Xuan, he knew right away he wanted to go to the family chalet with his friends to go hunting and whatnot..."

"Who says we can't do the same? You don't even need guns, have Wen Qing glare at a deer and you'll get stew in no time."

Wen Qing gave him one of her best glares, inadvertedly proving his point. "I will pour this champagne glass on your head, Wei Wuxian, don't test me."

"Shijie will be upset if you do that and we're here to help her, right?"

Wen Qing gulped her entire champagne glass, then her face lit up with an idea. "Why don't we go on a little trip ourselves then?"

Yanli shook her head. "It would be so expensive booking something last minute..."

"You are marrying into so much money, Shijie, the peacock has been basically begging you to spend it. Pick something nice like the Maldives or Bora Bora and let's go!"

"The bachelorette party is for bachelorettes, Wei Wuxian." Wen Qing flicked his forehead again. "You have a husband. And a son. And like 100 rabbits. You are also a man. You don't qualify."

"Maybe so, but shijie loves me so very much, she wouldn't leave me behind, would she?"

Yanli patted his head with sympathy. "As much as I may love you, A-Xian, it is a ladies only event..."

"I can pretend to be a lady! Lan Zhan says I look good in dresses!"

Yanli giggled. "I'm sure you do, A-Xian."

"Can't I just... pilot the plane or something?" A playful nose scrunch. "You won't fly public, right?"

"Look at him, scrunching his face like that!" Wen Qing laughed. "What, you're too rich for Spirit Airlines now?"

"I'm not, Lan Zhan is. I'm just taking after him! Anyway, where are we going, shijie?"

Yanli sighed, fondly. "Let's see what we can find."

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wwx #wq #jyl #lwj

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pynkhues · 2 years ago

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you choose: 88 for kendall, 22 for shiv, or 87 roman

V belated, Megan, but have all three! Spoilers for ep 4.03 of Succession.

88 cleaning dirt from under your nails (Kendall) / 87 nasty tasting medicine (Roman) / 22 dark bitter chocolate (Shiv)

Here’s how it happens:

Your father dies, and everything’s on you.

Your father dies and your brother and your sister look at you like you have answers, like you know what you’re doing, like you’re the one who makes this make sense, and so you try to solve it, you do. You ask for more doctors, more opinions, for Tom-Karl-Frank. You want to talk to the pilot. Why can’t you talk to the pilot? Opinions buy you time, talking fills space, sucks up oxygen, experts talk to other experts who solve the problem or become someone you can blame, and that keeps you grounded, keeps you here, keeps you walking instead of drowning, and have you followed up with Jess about those doctors?

You should.

Your father dies and your brother’s getting married, and he’s outside arguing about cake, and your other brother’s on the floor and he’s looking at you like you should be the one to tell him, and you should, you’re the oldest.

Not the oldest.

You’re telling the oldest. You’re just the oldest of - - you. The three of you. Whatever you are now. What are you now? What are you without your father? The thought catches, you shake it loose, eyes on the floor, up again. Catch a glimpse of your sister’s bleeding mascara, her red nose. Down again. The woolly carpet’s pilled. Loose bits of fuzz catching on the top like low slung fog across a beach, and Jesus, your father would’ve hated that.

Look up.

Your brother. Shoulders sagged, mouth open, eyes on you.

You need to go tell your brother.

Your other brother.

Your oldest brother, the brother getting married, the one who took you camping as a kid, the one who slept with you at the hospital that night in freshman year of highschool when you took too much ketamine and thought your heart was going to burst out of your chest, the one who took you to the Maldives after your wife left you and made you do an historic walking tour that made you want to blow your brains out. Your older brother who’s arguing about the cake your father fed him to stop him from crying when he was a kid, the same father who - -

Fuck.

No.

Don’t think about that now.

Now you have to tell your brother and then you have to look at the business. That’s what you need to think about. Need to think ahead, work out a plan, make sure this deal goes through, or doesn’t, make sure your father’s legacy is what he wanted it to be, make sure you’re all looked after, prove him wrong, everyone wrong, be - -

Something.

“You want me to go with you?”

You look at your sister and she looks split open, she looks like you feel, and you should say no but you say yes, because you're not who you want to be, but you think you can at least hold her hand.

She needs you to hold her hand, you think. You hope.

You know you want to hold hers.

-------

Here’s how it happens:

Your father dies, and nothing’ll fucking stop.

The plane has to land, the ambulances have to be arranged, the funeral planned, the business accounted for. You know this, because your brother is mumbling and uh-uh-uh’ing about it and your dead father’s staff linger like ghouls outside the window, talking about statements and Matsson and a Board meeting you couldn’t give a rat’s dirty fucking ass about right now. But what you care about right now doesn’t matter.

Because what you care about is that your father is dead and you left him a voicemail that might have killed him and you can’t even remember if you said that you loved him when he may-or-may-not have been already dead. What you care about is already set in your joints and clogging your arteries and yellowing your liver, and that last one is probably a bad thing because you know at least one of your brothers won’t be able to donate a part of his given it's all shrivelled and fucked, and your sister’s probably just blue-blooded enough to be incompatible, but whatever.

The point is it doesn’t matter. What matters is your sister’s crying and you really don’t like that and you’re on a fucking boat with your brother who almost drowned at the last wedding you went to, and he's crying too but that's normal at least, and your other brother who’s - - right - - getting fucking married, so this is just all delightful, and you suck in a wet breath as the grief starts to gnaw at your bones and it’s your sister who says:

“Why didn’t you come and get me?”

And it’s your brother, apologising, over and over, and it’s not on him, that’s not on him, not on you, it’s happening so fast, and you say that, but you don’t say it’s because none of it’ll fucking stop just because your dad has.

Your father.

Fuck.

You wonder what he looks like right now.

You wonder if he’s even really dead.

-------

Here’s how it happens:

Your father dies and everything slides backwards.

You’re thirty-two, you’re twenty-five, you’re fourteen, you’re eleven, you’re six. Your first death is your mother’s mother who never let you sit outside without a hat and a parasol (freckles might suit a son of your father’s station, but not a daughter of your mother’s), and you remember hard pews and incense and a dress that itched. You remember your father wasn’t even in the country, and your mother missing the service to smoke with her brothers (she had three, just like you) around the side of the church, close enough that everyone inside could hear them talking, remember climbing up to sit on Connor’s lap while Kendall and Roman played, kicking each other through the confessional booth curtain.

You remember it didn’t hurt as much as when your third nanny quit.

Maybe even this doesn’t, but you are not six, and your father is not your first death, and this is not your first hurt, it’s not your first wound. You have endured your mother’s tongue and your father’s temper and suffocated in the cellophane seal of their plastic marriage. Your father once sold your favourite pony, he once promised you his legacy and then gave it to your husband, he missed Christmases, he missed birthdays, he spent your college graduation on the phone and you swear you could hear him talking shop to your brothers through the vents, because god forbid they see you cross a stage either.

He held your hand often for cameras, and a few times in private, he bought you your first apartment, he told you you were his favourite, he always remembered you preferred silver to gold, that you liked your wine dry and your coffee bitter, and he told you once, glassy eyed and gravel voiced, thousand-dollar whiskey on his breath, that he’d give you everything he hadn’t been able to give to Rose.

He still called you Pinky.

You are not six, you are not eleven, fourteen, twenty-five, thirty-two. Your father is not your first death, you cannot crawl into your brother’s lap, but you can, you realise – grasping, reaching, needing – hold their hands.

#spontaneous fic from me: it can sometimes still happens apparently!#i should add connor as a coda haha #this ep is just #living rent free in my head right now #hbo succession #succession spoilers #kendall roy #roman roy #shiv roy #connor roy #logan roy #succession fic #welcome to my ama

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oh-for-fic-sake · 5 years ago

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Brucie Baby~

You decide to top Bruce.

Masterlist

Warning: Adult situations +18, Smut, Oral, Teasing, Femdom switch, Name calling, Swearing, Anal, Dubcon, Spitting (once)

A/n: okay so... Yeah as you can probably tell by now I am more of a bottom, but I really really wanted to give this a shot not to sure how I feel about it but I do hope that people like it, its really smutty. enjoy xx

Taglist @125bluemachine125

Brucie Baby~

Bruce was down in the Bat cave working on his latest device upon taking Clark's advice he had taken you to the hospital for a heart check up. As it turned out you do have an abnormal heart rate, an arrhythmia tachycardia no murmur or damage yet and not dangerous thank god but you needed to have it monitored. So Bruce was making you a tiny ecg, much like the ones on sports watches but as you had refused to wear one he was making one in the form of a thin flat delicate chain mail looking bracelet with a small platinum plate with Sweets engraved underneath and a small onyx on the top the bracelet was a modern looking piece small and was versatile, it would go with anything and more importantly it would send the data straight to his phone and computer wirelessly, he even set it up to log in the bat computer just to make sure it was never lost. He may or may not have also put a teeny tiny tracker on it to but you wouldn't be privy to either just yet holding his breath as he clipped the last piece in place holding it to the inside of his wrist then outside checking the data on his phone as it lit up recording his pulse, with one last look he was satisfied he pulled it away tucking it into a velvet lined gift box bought specifically for the piece. Standing he stretched looking up at the time six am he would need to be ready to leave at eight. It was your six month anniversary and you were both going to spend the week at his own little slice of paradise, since what was now called 'the incident' things had changed slightly he was a little hesitant when being intimate, not that he didn’t love you or anything like that he would argue that you didn’t just own his heart, you was his heart but he was afraid of hurting you at first it was because of your injuries, then your it was your heart now he was just worried not wanting to accidentally hurt you, not only that but he was stressed, he kept on replaying that night over and over, the way he slammed the breaks but knew he wasn’t going to stop in time, all he could do was watch as you came closer and closer. He was so close to loosing you that he didn’t want to risk any harm whatsoever including in the bed room. Alfred said he was being silly that you wasn’t going anywhere and that as long as you had your safe word you was safe, he didn't even bother to ask where Alfred had learned about that he thought he was better off not knowing. It was also Alfred who had suggested the week away together noting you was both a bit stressed with the incident then the move. So that what was happening a trip to his small private island in the Maldives, Dick was coming to stay and fill in for him on patrol. He snapped the box shut leaving the cave, when he arrived to the bed room he stopped dead seeing you sitting up reading with a travel mug you turned to him smiling.

"Hey baby, how was it tonight?" he shrugged turning closing the door.

"Not much, stopped a kidnapping and an a few assaults small things really"

"Not to the victims they wont be. I heard the boys come up earlier you stayed down there a while." he smiled slipping off his tight tshirt strategically throwing it on the chair covering the small jewelry box as he dropped that as well.

"Yes working on something"You smiled curling your toes into the bed beneath you.

"Oh really a new gadget? Oh oh is it a lazer? Please tell me its a lazer I have always wanted to play with one like the ones in James bond!" He gave you a look

"No its not a lazer and if it was you definitely wouldn't get your hands on it" you pouted but not for long as your favorite part of the day began it was the best bit of living here full time getting your daily dose of Bruce's delicious body without fail, he smirked dropping his bottoms and pants in one swoop as he made his way across the room. You watched him quietly biting your lip as he snuck into the bed slowly crawling up beside you plucking your kindle from your hand snapping it shut dropping it on the side table then slid higher leaning over you taking your mug from you placing it beside the kindle. You sighed at him shivering a little as his cock brushed the top of your thigh wetting the shorts you wore to bed as it twitched to life against you.

"And just what do you think your doing Mr Wayne? you know we have a flight to catch in what two hours?" he hummed tugging on your arms leaning down to your neck whispering into your neck

"It's my Jet it wont leave without me" you sighed pulling his face up abruptly holding him firm before pressing your lips to his, he was a little shocked to say the least but soon gave into you as you plundered his mouth forcefully taking what you wanted from him twisting and toying with his tongue before making him shiver as you ran the tip of your tongue over the roof of his mouth then sucked harshly pulling on his tongue he moaned when you pulled back. Blinking a little confused as to where that aggression had come from but you felt just how much he had liked the change of pace as you gripped his now fully erect cock between your delicate hands tugging once twice and one final third time twisting as the went rubbing over his slit making him bite off a groan arching into your hand with eager hips.Perfect.

"Well I don't think it would be nice to keep the pilot waiting, so I'm off to have a shower and recheck my bag and you should to, I'd say sleep but you don't have time" you said he moaned trying to grab you as you slipped out of the bed licking your lips, oh yes this trip would be incredible. You see you had fully healed from the night you discovered Bruce's secret and had been forced to the hospital about your heart and although it wasn't anything to worry about yet. Bruce had been very delicate with you. Not that you haven't enjoyed the sex but it wasn't the same, so you was stuck not sure what to do,you had already asked him but he insisted you wait a few more weeks to be sure. You wanted to do something get him so riled up that he would forget everything that has happened and ravage you once and for all. You smiled to yourself you had gone to Alfred for suggestions Alfred about what you should do to help. Alfred being the good sport he was smirked telling you to leave it with him already having a plan in mind, the next day a note had been slipped under your morning coffee with a single web address. You laughed giddy when you looked and saw a plethora of adult toys all dedicated to one kink Femdom safe to say most of the money you saved since living at the manor had brought you a whole arsenal of toys that was already at the house waiting as Alfred had arranged for it to be shipped directly there. You stopped just before walking through the door to the bathroom turning back to Bruce as he laid sprawled out on his back hand creeping to his cock that tented the blankets

"Oh and Bruce? leave that alone its mine if you don't you'll be sorry" you smirked at the shocked look on his face having to enter the bathroom quickly before you lost your composure and started laughing at the confused man. He through his head back cock twitching, you were up to something and he didn't know what but what he did know is he couldn't fucking wait. Closing his eyes he willed his raging boner to relax a little but he could still feel the tingles left by your hands. Shit. He heaved a sigh once he heard the shower, quickly getting up and hiding the bracelet in his packed bag stuffing the small box in his side pocket before beginning to get ready, he didn't need sleep yet he could wait until the flight and would probably nap by the sea once at the island. He sighed when racing past you when you stepped out of the shower turning it cold to help settle his problem you smirked nodding at him a little.

Thirty seven hours later you found yourselves stepping off of the plane the first thing you noticed was it was hot....Fucking hot you was happy you only had a thin dress on and the second was the sight that greeted you took your breath away you stood looking at what had to be a photo because this could not be real Bruce came up behind you yawning and stretching as he had just woken up, he looked well rested for the first time in weeks. He walked behind you kissing the back of your neck hugging you close.

"You like it?

""It-Bruce this is incredible I've never seen anything like this not in real life" you was awe struck by the pure white sand and crystal clear water, in front of you was a small thatched building that looked like it was for maintenance, beyond that a lush patch of brightly colored plants you could hear parrots and various other wild life in the trees and peaking thought you could see the beach. A long pier extending out with a large house at the end that you'd seen on the brochures from here you could see the slide that wrapped around it from the roof into the sea. you smiled turning to him excitedly

"Oh my god a slide? does it have one of those nets? you know the one that hangs over the water that you can lay on?" you asked jumping up a little he laughed nodding.

"Yes and the slide was for the boys when they were younger but I'm sure you will make use of it, there is an infinity pool at the back to, Jason got freaked out by the fish when he was little so I had it put in for him." you giggled as you saw someone you didn't recognize pick up your bags piling them into a small jeep Bruce walked you over to it holding you around the waist.

"Jason really? was he frightened of them?"

"No I wouldn't say frightened, he just didn't like the idea of them touching him, he loved watching them hence the pool is glass he would dive holding the top with his goggles and snorkel I was even considering getting some coral around it to encourage more but the more fish would have drawn sharks and I decided against it not with the boys." you snapped your head to him as you sat side by side in the Jeep as it started moving down the dirt road towards the house.

"Sharks? do they come close?" he patted your thigh at the cute expression

"Don't worry most are babies...Tho there was that hammer head that swam straight into the glass pool that one time, and the reef shark of 08 he hung about for a few days swimming below the house I wouldn't let the boys out it was quiet big, turns out they were fucking feeding it! Well Dick was, wanted to tame it and brag to everyone that he had a pet shark." you laughed you could imagine them sneaking out throwing food at the dangerous creature.

"Was that when Jason asked for the pool by any chance?" you said slyly as the jeep rounded the corner pulling out of the trees to the beach parking by the huge pier. You glanced along the beach noticing a large sunken area with a curved stone wall with wooden bench wrapped around it and huge sunken firepit full of smooth glittering stones. You jumped out of the car following Bruce down the the pier both taking your suitcases and rolling them behind you as you walked hand in hand down the long wooden structure hearing the jeep drive off back towards the airfield.

"Never though about it but yes it was it must, have scared him. I only found out they was feeding the damn thing when I caught Dick trying to get in the water with it,the silly little sod was adamant that he had 'tamed the beast' I only just dragged him out of the water in time. I can tell you he didn't try that again after the hiding he got." you chuckled but felt sorry for the boy. You finally arrived at the sleek modern villa upon entering you sighed in relief as the aircon was in full swing cooling the house to a comfortable tempature, it was one story the whole back of the building was huge panes of glass giving an uninterrupted view of the sea beyond it was open planned with the master bedroom on the far left of the house and two rooms for the boys on the far right in the middle was an open plan light and airy kitchen with center island and dining table in front and large living room with sunken u shaped sofa facing a fireplace with tv above, out side you could see the pool and large hammock net beside it to the left was a set of stairs integrated into the side of the house you assumed it was for the slide. It was beautiful he directed you through to the bed room placing your bags down you gasped as the view was stunning you almost felt like you was just skimming the clear water.

"Bruce this is-its beautiful, I've never seen anything like this" he smiled approaching you slowly placing his hands on your shoulders pulling you back against him.

"Good I’m glad you like it, I'm going to have a quick shower and change I will be right back" you nodded turning giving him a deep kiss before letting him go. Once he left through the door you moved fast finding your order that Alfred said was in here and ripping it open finding your toys, you guessed that you had around ten minuets which was enough you raced to the bed with the box quickly unwrapping what you assumed was the comfort hand cuffs, basically normal click hand cuffs with a soft lining they had a quick release to you noted you gave them the once over the chain between them was think so hopefully they would contain him, not wasting time you quickly threaded them threw the bars of the head bored looping it around twice and stuffed it down beside the mattress out of sight then repeated with two separate cuffs on either side of the base board. You quickly made your way back to the box pulling out your other goodies quickly fiddling with them figuring out how each thing worked and moved crawling under the bed finding a plug socket and plugged in the rechargeable wand and plug vibrator you sighed standing back up doing another round of the room checking everything was hidden. Smiling you fist pumped the air and pulled out the final thing you had got the the cherry on the smutty cake as it were. It looked a little tight but you could make do quickly stuffing it back in the box and fished out the rest from your suitcase then kicked it across the room out of the way. You panicked slightly trying to remember everything you had seen in the videos. You had planned this for just over a week using the time he was away at night to watch ridiculous amounts of femdom porn wanting to get this spot on. You knew he would like this just from the way he got turned on when you became as he called it 'Mama bear' you took a deep breath you could do this. You'd pay for it later .but you could do this. You kicked off your shoes and dress lying on the bed in only your panties you had forsaken your bra on the flight you turned facing away from the bathroom door staring out to the sea, it calmed you hearing the waves in the distance and the soft laps of water on the columns holding the house up just below the floor you nearly drifted off to sleep. Suddenly the bathroom door opened and Bruce came waltzing in clad in only a towel."All ready and waiting for me love? I thought we could go relax in the Jacuzzi for a bit but if you insist, after all I do owe you for yesterday" he said quickly throwing the towel away and crawling on the bed you rolled over to meet him half way kissing him lightly at first before moving slowly sitting up deepening the kiss you moaned as he bit your lip sucking it then released opening your mouth you welcomed him letting him explore your mouth slowly before you latched on to his tongue sucking it quickly and biting it lightly rolling over to lounge across him he smirked cupping your ass as you moved straddling him you looked down noticing he was already half hard.smirking you shuffled up sitting on his cock trapping it between your covered pussy and his own abdomen a leaning over kissing him again slowly clasping his hands maneuvering them up past his head. Distracting him by running kisses across his jaw suckling and biting harshly making him moan the he returned the favor sucking a dark mark on your neck. Yes almost there. You guided his hands further across the pillows and grinded on him making sure to keep him occupied then CLICK! he flinched jerking his arms pulling his face away from you. You giggled at the shocked look on his face

"ERR Babe wh-what are you doing there hun?" he asked there was a tremor to his voice. you grinned at him leaning down to him again kissing his chest.

"I want to play Brucie baby~ You see you've been gentle and I just don't know what I have to do to get you to rough me up a bit. First I thought if I was a good girl you'd reward me, fuck me stupid again like you did before. I know you was worried that you'd hurt me again but sometimes a bit of pain is good. Soooo I thought that I'd show you." you winked at him crawling backwards down the length of his body leaving soft kisses. He stared mouth open speechless as you slid off of the bed, you could see it in the way his pupils were blown, eyes clouded with lust he was enjoying himself and the slight bobbing of his semi erect cock was a very good indicator. He shook his head laughing a little and smirked.

"Oh you think you can top me baby girl because you have a set of handcuffs? Fine I will play along give me your best shot"

"Oh baby, you are so going to regret that" you smiled bending down licking your lips as you quickly cuffed each of his ankles spreading him open you tutted and walked across the room to the box pulling out a two little elastic rings towards him,he visibly flinched and gulped a little as you stalked to the bed holding the toys.

"Hey wh-where did you get that? How do you even know what that is? my sweet lovely little girlfreind, you know I love you right babe?" you giggled sitting on the bed as he tested his cuffs trying to shift away from you as you ran the tip of a finger up and down his lower abdomen.

"Of course I know you love me I love you to and I'm pretty sure this is on your list isn't it? the big bad bat of Gotham who is always in control day and night wants to take the back seat once in a while? to be completely at my mercy for once?" he nodded a little swallowing dryly still trying to get his head around the fact that you, tiny innocent y/n had cuffed him to the bed and was stroking his stomach getting him ready for a fucking cock ring. You giggled placing your hand on the crown of his cock rubbing and teasing him with the pads of your fingers making his hiss arching leaning down licking at him then slowly dragged the tips of your nails up and over his whole length until finally he rose fully erect and ready, you made quick work of placing the cock ring over him rolling it down the pulled both balls through it gently moving him through the tight loop letting go he moaned as it started squeezing him tight then you moved quick placing the second one at his base trapping his balls between the two elastics you parted with a kiss and nip to them making him arch off the bed groaning loud panting heavy, he hissed as they constricted his heated flesh keeping him pointing directly up. You then tapped the head lightly sucking on it once then pulled away."Now I will be right back just going to freshen up." you said walking of to the side lifting your new outfit ignoring his protests listening as he tugged at the bonds swearing as he realized he might not be able to break away. He was fucked utterly fucked but oh boy was he going to enjoy it, this was his darkest deepest fantasy that no woman had ever even attempted, in his playboy years he had always been treated like a sugar daddy, they expected him to top each time ,they were desperate just wanting him to dominate them, control them and then fuck them silly. It was a secret desire that he was almost ashamed of, absolutely no one new not even Alfred who knew everything about him. He absolutely loved topping it was his thing but every now and then he wants to be topped, the idea of you using him, controlling him.

"UGH fuuuck" he cried out as the thought made his cock harden bouncing a little as he was held high moaning and twitching as he tried to focus on his breathing instead of the tight delicious throbbing of his cock. Meanwhile you entered the bathroom putting on your new outfit, well you use the term outfit loosely it was one of those cute goth girl type harnesses that looped in v's across your breasts wrapping up around your neck in a choker and matching thong you paired it with Bruce’s favorite stocking and garter set thick band of lace wrapped around your waist attached to matching lace trimmed stockings and killer heels- he liked you in heels- then ruffled your hair applying you expensive red long wear lipstick, this particular one needs a special lipstick remover and had also been a new purchase just for this. You grabbed the last item a fierce looking black riding crop. oh yes this was worth epilating for. You felt so ready for this your insides aching for him if everything went to plan you’d be thoroughly fucked out by the end of the day then took a deep breath pushing aside your own arousal. Not yet today was for Bruce. Hearing the rattle of the cuffs a and a deep frustrated moan. You opened the door strutting to wards the bed watching him whither trying to tug himself free, he hadn't noticed you yet you licked your lips in anticipation. Excellent. you quickly brought the crop down on the v above his angry looking cock making him hiss and stop mouth agape as he saw you.

"Fuck me" he said drinking in your form you smirked sitting on the bed running the tip of the crop up his neck pressing on his jaw to close it humming at him.

"Not yet baby we've only just started, oh honey that looks uncomfortable~" you said tapping his red swollen cock with the crop quickly he grunted, couldn't take his eyes off of you as you got up and walked around the bed sliding beneath it you came back up resting your head on your elbow on the bed level with his face

."I almost feel bad about what I'm going to do you you. But this is a lesson you need isn't it love?" you watched his eyes widen as you lifted your hand holding a Pink wand vibrator. His breath hitched yep he was definitely completely and utterly fucked with capital F. He moaned

"No nono Sweets come on! that's not fair!" You smirked at him as he growled tugging on the cuffs again.

"OH but it is Brucie it is fair, pay back is a bitch and so am I" You picked up the crop striking him across the stomach with it leaving red strips across him then once lightly on the fat head of his cock as you moved taking your place between his spread thighs. Stroking him lightly barely touching him swirling your fingers around him making him swear at your cool hands.

"Today my love you are not Bruce Wayne, you are not the bat or even the boss. No today you are a little subby, little Brucie baby and lastly but definitely not least you are my toy!" You smiled as he grunted loud trying to buck, tho you wasn't sure if it was away or towards your hand.

"Im counting on you using my safe word if things get to much for you ,you remember what it is?" You asked him still stroking him slowly pressing your fingers every so often as you twisted making sure to rub the sensitive underside of his head a little making him hiss and groan

"Brownies" you smiled leaning down ghosting your breath on him. Letting one hand slip to the apex of your own thighs shuddering as you made contact with your engorged clit rubbing lightly coaxing small gasps and moans.

"Good boy, such a good boy" before you licked at his slit he groaned thrusting up trying to penetrate your mouth. You pulled back scraping him with your teeth collecting some precum along the way making a point of sticking out your tongue to him showing him his own seed before swallowing it licking your lips tutting you moved your hand clenching your hand around him reprimanding him.

"OH baby you want my mouth? you'll have to behave then and I might let you have it" he swore when you placed the wand sneakily beneath both rings pressing it tightly against the flesh below his balls flicking it on.

"OH FUUUCK shitshit thats-Ahh!" he grunted torn between trying to press down and pull away as the vibrations traveled from his root to tip making the elastics tremble against one another teasing his trapped cock, you smiled wickedly before flicking it up not one but two levels enjoying the cry that ripped from deep in his chest, it was an unexpected pleasure watching as his whole upper body tensed curling his muscles bulging trying to free himself he panted a few deep breaths then held his breath grunting before panting quickly again whining trying to rut into it. Quickly you pulled it away before he could cum giggling as he through himself back on the bed panting already covered in sweat you didn’t give him long to recover before pressing it hard to the swollen balls peaking taught from between the rings. The reaction was immediate this time his whole body ceasing, locking and trying to squirm away all at once. Slowly you moved it up to his weeping head rolling it around in delicate circles he grunted throwing his head back into the pillows turning his head to his bicep biting down trying to stifle his moans but couldn't hold back for lone as you tortured him with slow deliberate strokes.

"OH FUCK PLEASE! Pleaseplease baby fuck yes I'm so close! NO! NONONO" Just as he started rocking moaning higher and more desperate you pulled away pouting at him you wriggled on your knees rubbing your thighs together watching him fall apart was the most arousing thing you’d ever seen, unable to take it anymore as you soaked your own thighs you spoke.

"You know your right its not fair" you quickly straddled him placing the wand beneath your swollen folds then pressed down rubbing on it. You moaned as Bruce thrashed beneath you trying to touch .So close yet so far. You as you rocked on the toy crying out as the vibrations made your swollen clit ache and swell with need but at the same soothed you as your pussy clenched leaking on the toy panting softly.

"OH! that's it fuck yesyesyes" you leaned forward hands on his chest looking straight in his eyes mouth open as you tensed quivering feeling his muscles tense the wand low enough on his abdomen to tease the muscles of his pelvis tensing forcing his cock to throb and move before he knew what was happening he was arching shouting his pleasure as he came for the first time bucking despite the cock ring still holding him at a full attention. You laughed at him as you carried on thrusting wildly on him leaning down more to kiss at his open mouth. He met you in a ferocious battle of tongues desperate for any contact he could get panting and shivering. You stopped yourself short gasping sliding off of him taking the toy with you. You would wait.

"Oh baby look at all this mess?" You said flicking off the wand you wouldn't need it now. He panted hissing through his teeth as you began to crawl over him sucking him sharply making him yelp out.

"FUUUCK NONONO BABY DONT IT'S TO MUCH-AHH UGH UGH NO PLEEEAASSEE!" You chuckled as he fought desperate to get away and stop you, ignoring him you pushed onto him swallowing him down until, your nose was flush against him moaning loud onto him he cried out higher then you had ever heard him then pulled back slowly bobbing onto him he panted cried and swore as you continued using your lips as you ran along his length popping off of him he went lax but only for a second choosing to torture his sensitive cock with your hand two fingers at first squeezing him keeping your pumping thumb on the vein underneath it he shook, thighs tensing and quivering his upper body tense a flush of deep red almost purple creeping down his body.

"BITCH! OH JESUS!Your a fucking bitch you OOOHHH NOO PLEASE! WAIT! Im gonna fuck-shit FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! fuck you so hard you'll be bed bound for days!" You laughed

"Im counting on it! Aww baby is it sore? Goood I want it to HUUUURT!" Then fisted him with both hands pumping as fast as you could go your pussy clenched as you drove him beyond pain to the pleasure beyond it he cried throwing his head back cumming a second then third time in what seemed under a minute you stopped then puling away.

"Oh wow that was hot look at all this baby, Is it all for me? So good but whats this my love? Your still hard that must mean you want more musn’t it?" You said scooping up his cum before rubbing it over his torso he groaned pitifully at you shaking his head still trying to catch his breath you crawled up him quickly sliding your thong to the side impaling yourself on him squealing as his hard cock stretched you burning you from the inside out he tensed and shuddered beneath you looking up with tears in his eyes.

"FUUUUUUUUCK no babe I cant! NONONONONOOOO!" You just licked your lips bouncing on him rotating your hips grinding your clit on him then changed direction forcing him to hit that spot making your eyes roll back you placed your hands either side of his head grinding on him panting breathy moans in his ear.

"Fuck are you gonna cum again Brucie? Come on love do it for me" you moaned loud and clenched around him tight making him whimper unable to speak he just nodded

"Good, such a good boy for me now I want you to cum! To fill me like never before you can just imagine it cant you love fucking me full, so I drip with you for days oh YES! FUCK UGH BABY PLEASE AAHHH!" you tucked your head in the crook of his neck rocking desperately against him as the change in angle brushed both your g spot and cervix you moaned tensing closing your eyes as you tummy quivered and you felt the heat move lower finally reaching your pussy you grunted as you came around his cock twitching as your walls fought to milk him he opened his mouth in a silent scream cumming for the forth time jerking into you tight heat as you came undone over him. You panted laying on him catching your breath as you came down from your high, giggling rolling off of him as he chuckled lightly closing his eyes you thought that was enough for today he looked utterly exhausted you lay beside him kissing his heaving chest patting his stomach

"I love you Bruce" he leaned down kissing your head

"I love you to Sweets, can you uncuff me now think we both need to relax in the Jacuzzi with some wine now" you hummed in response moving to the bottom of the bed releasing his legs then using the quick release on the hand cuffs. With precise movements you was maneuvered far to quickly for your liking being thrown over his shoulder he growled ripping off the cock rings hissing.

"Wha? Bruce how are you?" You was interrupted with a harsh spank on your pussy whining you moved your hands trying to cover yourself as you was dumped in the sunken hot tub out on the deck, grabbed again from behind as you surfaced the shaking your hair out blindly grabbing for anything using your confusion he pulled harshly at the thong snapping it clean off throwing it on the deck. He held both arms behind you pressing you to kneel on one of the hot tub seats knees spread and bending you forward slightly having your ass hang just over the bottom of the seat ,gulping as a very pissed of Bruce towered over you from behind gripping your throat restricting your air flow holding you still leaning his chest into you.

"B-Brucie?" He dug his fingers in to your neck before growling into your ear"Shut the fuck up woman! You really thought I'd let you get away with that?" He moved shuffling his still hard cock to your sopping entrance that was still twitching tapping it on your clit, sliding up and down between your lips, your walls spasmed and quivered, he was definitely going to make you pay and you couldn't wait.

"OH GOd! plEASE FUCK MEE! please Bruce I want your cum! PLEASE fill me again I want it!"

"You think your getting this cock Up your greedy cunt after that? Oh baby no, I'm gonna fuck your ass good and proper, your going to feel me for days, your pussy might not be worthy of my cock right now but I can do this" you screeched as he started the jets realizing why he held you here as a powerful jet sent a constant stream of water up to your pussy massaging your poor clit you curled into yourself letting out a long drawn out groan pressing into him he chuckled as you cried out loud, it was incredible and painful all in one as the water massaged your swollen flesh you rocked and withered against it

"OH OH FUCK BRUCE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASE IM SORRY!" He smiled licking at your neck making sure to stand firm holding you still as you moaned and panted before he used on hand to line himself up with your tight pucker his blunt head pressing hard in warning your eyes widened tilting back mouth open in one continuous cry with out wasting time he lurched forward past the tight ring of muscle grunting as the tight ring nearly chocked his cock he rocked slowly feeding you inch after inch.

"Oh baby girl your so tight shit yes fuck! You want to be fucked full? Well baby girl there was no need for all of this You could have asked." You whimpered moaning as he drove in deeper filling you to the hilt you grunted in pain as he pressed his balls to your cheeks, as painful as it was the jets directed to your clit abusing it eased you overall experience you panted gasping and whining as he fucked you harshly not giving much care to you as he pulled and pushed his way up into you, and you love every second of it moaning loud as the water lapped at you you screamed trying to wriggle away from him as your body trembled your walls clenched so tight they almost cramped in on themselves as you was left empty as you came looking up at him tears rolling down your face as he carried on fucking into your sore ass, not letting you escape the jet below you moving down to spit into your open mouth. The filthy gesture made you clench again around nothing in the middle of your orgasm you whined frustrated and over sensitive panting harshly as he pulled out of you tipping you further forward bending you completely over the side you stared into the clear ocean below as he moved forward plowing into your swollen abused pussy

"AH SHIT BRUCE PLEASE I CANT" he growled at you

"You can and you fucking WILL! UGH! SHIT! yesyesyes take it babe ah ah ah!TAKE IT BABE COME ON YOU WANTED THIS NOW YOU'VE GOT IT" you shivered clenching your hands and curling your toes as he battered your cervix pressing down as he went to stroke your sensitive soft spot, still trembling you shouted out as your clit throbbed an your pussy hummed to life as he took you above and beyond anything you’d felt with him before, one hand was gripping your ass as he thrusted forward with no mercy legs shaking as the water jet used to torment you now pulsed over his balls as he pounded into you. You wailed as he moved his hand to your clit pinching and tugging on it forcing you to orgasm again this time his hips stuttered and with one last pound forward he lifted your knees off of the seat completely forcing you to straighten your legs holding his hands on the edge of the deck either side of you holding trapping you pushing stretching your cervix forcing the tip of his cock inside before he came you screeched loud as he did feeling his hot cum spurt into your fluttering womb he held you still as you panted in shock of what just happened still feeling him twitching inside of you.

"Thats it THATS IT!! FUCK FUCK GOOD GIRL! AH AH yesyesyes shit shit! You feel that? UGH! Thats what you get! My.Fat.Cock deep inside of you, marking you as mine! Because that what you are my little slut! Mine to fuck and fill as I see fit, you wanted to be full now you are and if you let so much as one drop escape I will drag you to the bed and start all over again and again until you learn to keep my cum inside of you where it belongs!" He ground himself against your stinging clit laughing as you whined

"Bruuuuce I'm sore" he kissed your back

"Good I wanted it to hurt" he threw your own words back at you nipping your ear load before pulling out you hissed when he twisted to sit in the water with you on his lap cradling you to his chest kissing you.

"I love you babe , that was the best sex we have had in a long time isn't it?" You nodded cupping his jaw kissing it.

"Yeah... sorry if I was to much I kind of got into it... more than I thought I would actually" its true you was surprised at how much it had turned you on to have him to the point of tears. He smiled rubbing your back his other hand moving to change the jets to a low hum massaging your tired muscles.

“Nonsense you were perfect, it was incredible more than i could have ever hoped for, but where did you get the stuff? And where the fuck did you learn about all this femdom stuff?" You blushed twiddling his light dusting of chest hair smileing coyly at him.

"Well Alfred slipped me a note with a web address on it and that was all she wrote." You kissed him as his face dropped

"WHAT? Alfred as in Alfred Alfred? The man who raised me Alfred? Our Alfred?" You giggled nodding he sighed

"Holy shit" you sat up tugging your new harness off wincing as you saw the red marks it left where your large breasts were pressing on it he looked down hissing on your behalf running a finger across it.

"And I watched a shit load of femdom porn when you was out patrolling, I planned this for over a week ... nearly two I just wanted us to go back to the way we used to have sex, wanted to prove to you that I'm fine now, you don't have to worry about hurting me, I promise I will stop you if its too much the only way I could think of was to top you, so you knew what it was like you know?" He nodded as you leaned against him resting your head on his chest.

"I definitely understand, I'm sorry I just got so caught up in wanting to make sure you was completely healed, I was considering asking superman to come and double check that your ribs were fine, that's when Alfred pulled me aside telling me I was being stupid and suggested this trip." You scoffed then froze "Wait he suggested this trip? He told me it was you? And he-THAT LITTLE SHIT! Bruce he has had us both over!" You growled then pouted

"Come again?" You snorted at him

"Not yet love still tender" he bellowed a laugh at that

"Any way what I mean is he suggested the trip gave me the website link and arranged for the stuff to be hear for our arrival.... he set us up, and to be honest I’m greatful but damn your butlers pretty cunning... I suppose its true the butler really did do it." Bruce belly laughed

"Hey I've got something for you" he said before standing taking you with him you giggled as he carried you to the bed room placing you on the bed softly leaving with a kiss kneeling routing around in his case pulling out his gift.

"Here I made this for you, I know I shouldn't worry but I do" you took the box tentatively opening it seeing a beautiful silver chainmail bracelet with small plate and strategically placed onyx. You gasped slowly pulling it out.

"Bruce? What I don’t know what to say its beautiful" he sat beside you placing it on your wrist smiling as it fit perfect, not that he doubted the fit he may have measured your wrist when you was sleeping.

"Its a heart monitor and sends the data to my phone computer and even the bat computer, so I wont worry as much, the hospital said to monitor it but going to the hospital for and ecg every three months wasn't good enough for me so I made this, I want you to wear it as much as possible, its water proof so you can swim and shower with it.Happy six month anniversary" You leant forward kissing him deeply and pulled away admiring your new bracelet.

"Thank you I feel bad I didn't get you anything" he bellowed a laugh

"Babe you gave me the best orgasm of my life and I got to fuck your ass that's plenty trust me, tho if your really that upset I wouldn't say no if you bent over again for me" you squeaked blushing slapping his chest

"Oh? Whats all this then? How can you go from being a hot sexy mistress to a innocent little baby doll in what ten minutes?"you pouted pushing on him whining embarrassed. Then you heard a small beep below the bed you froze. You had forgotten about that. Bruce looked at you curiously then went under the bed sighing as he came up holding the specially designed prostate massager you chuckled nervously as he cock an eyebrow at you.

"Were you gonna try and stick this up my ass?" You shrugged

"Hehe well I err funny thing-sort of? maybe.....The guys on the videos liked it..... So I kind of you know thought I'd try it." You explained rubbing the back of your neck as he just stared.

"Haha no. Absolutly not, you are not sticking anything up my ass babe." He said placeing it beside the bed. You pouted muttering under your breath

"Like you'll have a choice when I do." He snapped his gaze at you.

"What was that? You want it up yours? well why didn't you say babe" your eyes bugged out as he stepped towards you grinning mischievously, you screamed giggling getting off the bed running out into the deck as he chased you diving at you plunging you both into the pool. You giggled as he held you against him in the water holding your ass as you wrapped your legs around him kissing one another.

"I love you so much you know I'd do anything for you right?" he asked staring straight into your eyes you nodded

"I love you to Bruce honestly couldn't imagine ever being with out you,I truly believe your my soulmate" he smiled pressing his forehead to yours closing your eyes you stayed there with him just enjoying being held. Then Bruce had to ruin the sweet moment.

"Soo hammock sex yes or no?" You deadpanned pulling away

"Let me guess its on your list?" He shook his head

"Nope not that list... I have a different list for holidays" you groaned shaking your head at him swimming to the edge on the pool watching the colorful fish swim just beyond the glass.

"Tomorrow? Lets just relax for today" he swam up beside you crossing his arms on the rim of the glass.

"Fine by me" you both stayed there enjoying the peaceful surroundings. You was content thing were definitely back to normal. you snuck another kiss pulling yourself up to the glass beside him as he held you by the waist leaning on him looking at your new bracelet twinkly in the sun.

#bruce wayne x y/n #bruce wayne smut #bruce wayne imagine #bruce wayne x reader #batman x reader #batmom imagines #batman x y/n #dc x reader #dc x you #dc x y/n

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jbuffyangel · 6 years ago

Text

Strength: Arrow 8x05 Review (Prochnost)

We’re headed back to Russia for some Queen family vacation fun, except their version of “fun” is kidnappings and fight clubs.

Let’s dig in…

Oliver, Mia and William

Do you remember how we used to pray for a scene of Oliver teaching Felicity the bow and arrow?

The scenes with Helena fueled my hate fire for years. The closest we ever came to Olicity “training” was Oliver offering Felicity a few punching pointers

and the glorious salmon-ladder-leads-to-sex scene.

I’m not complaining! All I’m saying is we could’ve had a bow-and-arrow-training-leads-to-sex scene too. I have several insert-scenario-here-leads-to-sex scene ideas this show has yet to explore.

Anyway, if we can’t have Felicity training with Oliver then second best is their daughter training with Oliver. The intro to “Prochnost” is almost three minutes long and it’s pure fan fiction from start to finish.

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Oliver teaches Mia how to tennis ball and uses cooking as analogy before he remembers she’s 50% Smoak.

It is clear Mia still has a lot to learn not only from a vigilante perspective, but also in terms of her archer skills.

When we met Oliver Queen in the pilot his skill set was perfected. He was a fully formed bad ass.

We haven’t seen Mia train other than a montage with Nyssa Al Ghul in 7x16 and I am thoroughly enjoying there’s still a lot she can learn from her father.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

Oliver reviews all of his trick arrows with Mia, but doesn’t want them to become a crutch.

Source: lucyyh

What he doesn’t say is trick arrows became more of a necessity in disabling criminals after killing them was no longer an option. We’ve come a long way with Oliver Queen. If you had told me father/daughter training sessions were in our future when I watched the pilot then I would’ve laughed you out of the room because that’s a special brand of CRAZY.

Of course, a training scene without the stick thingies wouldn’t be a training scene on Arrow.

Source: miasmoakdaily

Yes, I know there’s a technical term for the stick thingies, but if I haven’t learned it by now do you think I ever will? No is the right answer.

Oliver: Nyssa taught you well.

Mia: Mom made sure of it.

I think Arrow makes an important point during this scene. Nyssa Al Ghul is good, but she’s no Oliver Queen. There’s been many seasons where it feels like the writers down played Oliver’s skills to give the other team members something to do *cough*L*urelLance*cough*.

However, the writers seem particularly focused on showing how Oliver’s skills are a whole other level now. Remember, he’s the guy who killed Ra’s Al Ghul – probably the greatest fighter of all time. It’s why Riccardo Diaz being a formidable threat was so laughable. When Felicity reached out to Nyssa she was asking the best for help, but there truly is no substitute for Oliver Queen.

Source: miasmoakdaily

Mia “The Machine” Smoak-Queen (her official title btw) doesn’t need a break, but I love how Oliver worries about her nonetheless. DADDY OLIVER IS SO SOFT.

Source: amunetblack

Mia gently reins in William’s ramble and this is the brother/sister banter I am here for. Look, I know we’ve clocked a season and a half with these kids and I should be used to moments where they remind me of Oliver and Felicity, BUT I CAN’T GET USED TO IT. It still fills me with absolute glee anytime it happens.

Children are individuals with unique personalities, but one of the more fun aspects of parenting is seeing traits of other family members, or maybe even yourself, emerge in the child you’re raising. I feel the same glee when my daughter reminds me of my husband or mother. And since William and Mia are my fictional TV children why should I be any different?

There’s a Curtis reference in this scene, so naturally I doze off when that happens, but the cliff notes version is the energy wave that destroyed Earth 2 can be recreated. There’s a Russian general trying to replicate it via pulse wave generator weapon and Team Arrow needs to get the plans.

I think. Plus they need plutonium which Diggle volunteers to get.

Oliver invites the kids to Russia with him and they are equally as shocked as I am.

Really? We’re going to Russia? I mean, I know we’re going to Russia, but Oliver’s casual invitation makes this trip sound like the equivalent of a grocery store run. The kids are so excited to be invited they think they’re going to Disney World with Dad.

This is so not going to be Disney World. TELL THEM THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE DISNEY WORLD OLIVER.

Oliver: I’m a better man. Different man. I think I can teach them the good without showing them the bad.

Oliver thinks this is going to be Disney World.

Diggle accurately points out visiting the place which was home to the darkest point of his life may not be as simple as Oliver would like it to be. His answer is equally wonderful and sooooo WRONG. It’s WONDERFUL Oliver believes he’s a better man. It took us 8 long years to get here and his statement is no small thing. Round of applause for our boy.

Unfortunately, this is where the wonderful ends. Oliver is determined to only show his children the good. I guess it sounds ok when he says it, but upon closer examination it misses the forest through the trees. Everything that happened to Oliver Queen, good and bad, has formed the person he is. He cannot extricate the bad from this story anymore than he can the good. They are a sticky wicket forever entwined together. Take out one and you don’t get the full picture. And what his children need and deserve is the full picture.

That’s not to say Oliver’s filter is entirely wrong. There are certainly topics and information children are not ready to hear, can’t understand, or wouldn’t be appropriate to tell them. Every parent has some kind of filter when raising their children because that’s what good parenting requires.

This is appropriate when children are small. As your child grows into an adult then your relationship with them must become more adult, which requires more transparency. This is the problem between Oliver and his children. He is parenting like William and Mia are still little. And they are not.

If plans for a pulse generator sound like a flimsy excuse to go to Russia then you’d be right. The real reason we’re going to Russia isn’t because of some rando general. It’s to say goodbye to one of Arrow’s greatest supporting characters - Anatoly Knyazev

“My brother.”

I block out most of Season 6 because half of it was a walking horror show, so I don’t remember where Oliver and Anatoly left things after he joined and then betrayed Team Bad Guy.

I guess their cool now? I don’t really want to spend all kinds of time on Oliver and Anatoly hashing out their issues, so if a hug gets the job done then I’m good. Also William speaks Russian. Queen men speaking foreign languages is hot.

A+ reaction Steve.

Source: arrowdaily

Anatoly was bored in the Maldives, now owns a bar and has a delicious pina colada recipe so that pretty much catches us up on him. He offers to help find Burov, but Oliver doesn’t want Anatoly’s “friends” involved because they are Bratva and he’s not discussing the bad parts of Russia with his children. I think the good parts of Russia ended at pina colada, Oliver. See how this is going to be a problem?

The best place to meet up with Burov is a local fight club. This prompts William to share where he met his baby sister and gives us Oliver’s best dad reaction to date.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

Bless you William. You do God’s work my boy.

Mia: Why did you bring us on this mission if you aren’t going to let us help?

Oliver: This is the Bratva. They are terrible people and you guys are my kids.

Mia: Yes, but we’re not children.

Oliver: Well you are when I look at you.

Aww… my sweet, lovable, wonderful Oliver.

Do we ever stop looking at our children as children? Probably not. I know I will always be my parents’ baby girl and my daughter will always be mine. It is difficult to fully accept a human being as an adult when you’ve changed their diapers. And in Oliver’s defense he changed Mia’s diaper about five minutes ago in the present timeline, regardless of the future adults standing before him. We must give him some time to… adjust.

But Mia is Mia and doesn’t listen to anyone, other than William (SOUND FAMILIAR?) and he’s firmly on her team this week, so they go to the fight club and watch Dad in action. Mia has heard the stories of her father all her life but seeing him in action is an eye-opening experience. She is difficult to impress, but her dad is AWESOME. Yeah, we think so too honey. Welcome to stanning Oliver Queen.

Source: olivergifs

Unfortunately, the Bratva aren’t cool with the deal Oliver made with Burov and kidnap him along with Mia. Her Spidey sense was tingling, so she went to check on dad. Oops.

Source: feilcityqueen

If there is one lesson the Arrow villains consistently fail to learn it’s DO NOT MESS WITH PEOPLE OLIVER QUEEN LOVES. He gets very angry and wildly unpleasant, which leads to many broken bones and occasionally murder. You put hands on Felicity Smoak and even I’m down with Oliver ripping off your head.

Of course, Oliver wakes from unconsciousness and his immediate question is if Mia is okay. Can’t-Admit-I’m-In-Love-With-You Oliver,

Boyfriend Oliver,

Fiance Oliver,

Ex-boyfriend Oliver,

Husband Oliver,

and Dad Oliver are all the same Olivers.

Mia doesn’t understand why everyone in Russia knows who Oliver is and quickly deduces Dad was Bratva. Our princess is a smart cookie! Oliver is ticked Mia didn’t listen to him and there is truly no greater justice in the world than God creating a child who is exactly like you. Robert and Moira are having themselves a nice little chuckle.

Source: lucyyh

The Bratva threatens to torture Mia if Oliver doesn’t tell them what’s on the zip drive. Mia is very brave and tells Daddy not to say anything. Pfft. Not likely Little Miss Square Bear. He points a gun at Oliver’s precious girl and counts down from five. The Green Arrow breaks like a pretzel. Honestly, I’m shocked Oliver didn’t give the guy the whole store after four.

Source: olicitygifs

Unfortunately, nobody believes Oliver is telling the full story and a very large knife is brandished in Mia’s direction. Seriously? The one-time Oliver tells the truth he’s accused of lying. How ironic is that? The goon was at least 20 feet away from Mia, but Daddy was ready to flay him alive seven different ways.

Oh. He was only cutting the restraints. Okay, we’ll knock down the flaying to five different ways.

The Bratva force Mia to play the Ring the Bell game. I don’t know if that’s what it’s called, but it works for my purposes. Oliver is very much HELL NO CHILD, but really her only other option is death. Of course, if she doesn’t ring the bell she dies too. ISN’T RUSSIA FUN?

Mia kicks major ass, but is unable to ring the bell in under 60 seconds. This might have something to do with her wasting time to look back at the clock and then waiting an additional 3 seconds to reach for the friggin bell, but that’s just details. Be less stupid Arrow.

The Bratva don’t shoot her because… they’re nice gang of Russian mobsters now?

Source: arrowdaily

This made very little sense other than Arrow doesn’t want to shoot the female lead of their new television show. On second thought, good enough for me. Oliver shoots death daggers at the man who scared the friggin bejesus out of him and it’s pretty much a certainty he will be flayed eight different ways.

William has a full-on panic attack over his father and sister’s kidnapping and it’s pretty much the cutest thing ever. Then L*urel actually provides some necessary and helpful information. Is that the second week in a row this happened? I’m scared fandom. Hold me.

L*urel: Aren’t the people in your family constantly injecting each other with tracking devices?

William: Normally I would say God I hope not, but now I guess I can see the advantages.

He’s able to track them down, but L*urel and Anatoly show up right after Oliver has already freed himself by dislocating his thumbs. I love that trick. Mia’s reaction is the perfect combination of horrified and impressed. She really wants that trick to be on the next lesson plan.

Mia is bumming hard over not ringing the bell and boozes it up with some scotch. THY NAME IS GENETICS.

Oliver has had enough of his kids almost dying and is putting their asses on a plane back home BECAUSE THIS ISN’T DISNEY WORLD.

William jumps firmly on Team Mia and reminds their father he’d be dead without them. Oliver has been dislocating his thumbs on his own for awhile now children. I think he’d survive without your help.

It’s time to set these kiddies straight.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Mia tries to argue the whole adults saving the city angle, but that’s not going to fly in this timeline cupcake.

In this timeline, Oliver smooshed those perfect chubby cheeks one more time before he left to save the universe

Source: oliverxfelicity

and his rebelling teenage son, who was ousted from the present storyline to make a ridiculous plot point work in the future storyline, ignored his phone calls. (I’m never getting over the whole William never moves in with Mia and Felicity thing. NEVER.)

So, all of his children can take several seats and do what they’re told or they will be grounded! That includes no computer for you, William and Oliver will be taking that bow and arrow back little miss Mia.

Side note: This was a perfect time for William to explain WHY he didn’t return any of Oliver’s calls or if he even received them, but NOPE. Why would these writers attempt to clean up this mess of a storyline with reasonable explanations? Better to just ignore the Grand Canyon sized plot holes and keep driving through.

Stephen Amell does a wonderful job in this scene as Oliver’s voice quivers with emotion. He’s skating the edge of keeping his composure and losing it all together perfectly this season. Neither Mia nor William have offered much understanding for where Oliver is coming from. Yes, they are adults but 1) No matter how old they get they will always be Oliver’s children and 2) HE MISSED TWENTY YEARS.

Oliver has been very clear this was not a choice he wanted to make. Mia and William are not the only ones who lost something precious. Oliver lost a lot too. Part of being an adult is letting go of the natural narcissism we all have as children. So, if Mia and William want to put on their big boy and big girl pants then they need to show their father a little understanding and compassion.

Mia: And because you made the choice to protect us I had to spend my whole life alone. I didn’t have a chance to get to know my brother to get to know you.

Mia is not ready to do that yet. She throws Oliver’s choices in his face once again. He is still the one she wants to blame. If this reaction frustrates you then that’s understandable because Mia is supposed to be frustrating right now. It’s odd for us to be identifying through Oliver, but that’s what happens when the hero becomes fully evolved. This entire episode is about showing how much Mia still has to learn not only physically, but emotionally too.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Oliver is getting used to Mia’s blame by now and it doesn’t really change his opinion on this situation. The worst part of this argument is Oliver believing his children hate him. His worst nightmare was Mia and William not understanding his choices and resenting him for it. Oliver’s greatest fear isn’t death. It is his children believing he abandoned them.

Mia being angry at Oliver over not growing up with William is really not his fault and it’s bizarre how the writers are insistent on lumping that in with everything else she’s ticked about. I did a deep dive on Mia’s emotional and psychological viewpoint last week and I won’t repeat it here because everything still stands. But how is Felicity never going back for William Oliver’s fault?

I’m not putting the blame on Felicity here either. It’s a ludicrous plot point that makes absolutely no sense, so it’s pointless to even try to argue the logic. And yet, that’s exactly what the writers keep trying to do. But it merely shines a brighter spotlight on their illogical reasoning behind the decision.

We are already sympathizing with Oliver because we know how heartbroken he was to leave his children. We know he sacrificed everything for a bunch of ungrateful twats who caught a lucky break for existing in the universe. But forcing Mia’s character to continually blame Oliver for EVERYTHING can rapidly make this character unlikeable. Particularly since her father left to SAVE THE UNIVERSE. The writers need to tread carefully. This has the same nonsensical threads of the Season 4 break up. Or, even worse, Mia channeling the same the anger/blame/bitterness of Season 1 & 2 L*urel Lance. Nobody wants a repeat of those hot messes.

Oliver is floundering. He missed twenty years of his children’s lives. They’ve arrived from a different time as adults. Oliver was still learning how to be a parent and then the universe flipped the board. He has no idea how to do this and the one person who can help him isn’t here. If there was ever a time Oliver needed his Felicity this is it.

So, the only guiding light Oliver has right now is the promise he made his wife and mother of his children.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Not to get too nitpicky on the details Oliver, but as @callistawolf pointed out in our Watchover episode of 8x05, we never heard him make any promises to Felicity about the children.

In their final goodbye, it was Felicity promising Oliver to do whatever was necessary to keep their children safe (re: Nyssa Al Ghul). So, let’s just create our own head canon there was some Olicity discussion about the future kids being in present day off screen and he made the promise to her then. Cool? Cool.

OR Oliver is merely trying to score points in an argument via emotional manipulation, which hey man. More power to you. Whatever it takes to keep kiddos safe, I guess. I did have to chuckle about Oliver keeping his promises to Felicity NOW that she’s off the show. Where was this guy in 6x23? Or maybe I sobbed quietly. Probably a little of both. Regardless of the reasoning, it’s an EPIC speech. Dad for the win.

Oliver decides it’s time to get boozy. Amen brother. Pass the scotch.

Anatoly is no Felicity Smoak, but in the ever-spinning weekly wheel of characters trying to fill her role, he asks the obvious question. Is Oliver sending his children home because he believes they cannot handle Russia/vigilantism/life?

Of course, the answer has been obvious from the moment Oliver decided to only share the good. It’s not about what his children can handle. This is about what Oliver can handle.

Anatoly: That is understandable. You’re ashamed. You have truly done some terrible things.

Oliver: Thank you for the reminder.

Anatoly: But you also have done some good things. It’s important that the kids see both.

Can’t you just hear Felicity Smoak saying these lines? Only in an adorable ramble and less booze? I miss her. Just leaving this here.

I absolutely understand Oliver’s refusal to share the darkest moments of his past. It’s not like my dad has gone chapter and verse into his Vietnam experiences. But I know he was there. I know some of the stories. Maybe Oliver doesn’t need to go into detail about the time he skinned a guy, but he can be honest with his children about being in the Bratva.

Anatoly: That’s the thing about teaching. It’s not about what you want to say. It’s about what they need to hear.”

This part of the speech is all Anatoly.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

He taught Oliver living was not for the weak because this was the lesson Oliver needed to hear. Maybe he missed out on teaching William and Mia how to tie their shoes or ride a bike, but nobody understands what it means to be a hero better than Oliver Queen. The Crisis is coming and if Oliver is marching slowly but steadily to his death then he must pass on all he’s learned. There is still so much to teach Mia and William about Oliver’s life and who he is. Those lessons can only come from their father. What William and Mia need to hear is the truth.

“You were so little. I think that’s what I’ve always wanted all these years. Is for you just to stay little, quiet and safe. But you’re not any of those things. You’re loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of me.” Derek Shepherd, Grey’s Anatomy

His children are loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of Oliver Queen. But there’s a deeper fear driving his hesitation. Oliver is afraid that if he tells Mia and William the truth about his past then they’ll only hate him more. He is constantly afraid of losing his children’s love.

But truth is the path to understanding. Anatoly is right. Oliver must give Mia and William a chance. The real truth is there’s nothing he has done or will ever do that will make his children stop loving him. Sure, Mia is angry at Oliver, but she’s only angry because she loves him. She craves her father’s approval more than anything.

Oliver changes his parenting tactic. He cannot shield his children from the very life they have chosen for themselves. He asks Mia to fight in the ring with him and William to help get them in. Oliver treats his children like they are part of the team – like partners.

Mia has been trying to show her father what she’s capable of since the moment she came to the present. Underneath all that anger and blame, is a little girl who just wants to make her daddy proud. What Mia needs to realize is she already makes Oliver proud merely by existing. However, he offers her the support and belief she’s been craving as they enter the ring together.

Source: oliverxfelicity

The look on her face says everything about how Mia truly feels about her dad.

Source: arrowdaily

FATHER DAUGHTER FIGHT CLUB. From the moment, we met Blackstar in the ring I hoped she was Olicity’s daughter and we would somehow, someway get a scene of Oliver and Mia teaming up. But I never imagined these circumstances. It’s awesome.

After kicking butt as a team and a family, Oliver opens the door to his past and lets his children walk through. And what better place to start than the beginning?

Source: olivergifs

The truth is a tie that binds and it will be the foundation of Oliver’s relationship with his children. Something he never had with his parents until it was too late.

And did William and Mia stop loving Oliver after they heard the truth? No. They understand him better and love him all the more for what he’s survived.

Mia: Don’t forget to send me that picture of my dad with that haircut.

Anatoly: Don’t forget to ask about Bratva tattoo. We have matching.

Oliver: Used to. Used to actually.

William: Oh I’m gonna need to hear that story immediately.

Well... son this raving loony burned my tattoo off my chest after several hours of torture.

The warm banter of this scene isn’t to make light of what Oliver Queen suffered. It’s to show the power of telling our stories. Pain and fear lose control over us, bit by bit, the more we talk about it and share with our loved ones. We let them inside the good and bad, so we don’t have to carry it by ourselves anymore. Overtime, we begin to see our suffering for what it is - something we survived. Children, in particular, have an ability to find the light in the dark. We can see our life through their eyes and remarkably, yes even find the humor in what was once unspeakable pain. And come on - Oliver’s flashback hair is always funny.

Family is the source of Oliver’s strength. It always has been. It’s what helped him survive the unsurvivable.

He can only become his children’s strength by teaching them how he became a better man. William and Mia can only understand who their father is, and how to be heroes, by knowing the good and the bad. Hiding either tarnishes the beauty of his story. Oliver is finally strong enough to tell it and his children are strong enough to hear it. And that’s how the past, present and future will find harmony, acceptance, forgiveness and love.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Diggle and Roy

John enlists Roy’s help obtaining the plutonium.

Source: thistributeisonfire

We’re going to run through this pretty quick because this storyline is all about getting Colton Haynes back on Team Arrow for the final episodes.

Diggle tells Roy what happens to him in the future. The cure for Roy’s bloodlust wasn’t hiding out on Lian Yu for 20 years. It was rejoining the team and fighting for the city again.

Diggle: Maybe this time you don’t have to wait that long.

Diggle’s ENTIRE motivation is to change Roy’s future and it’s not difficult to figure out why. Obviously John cares about Roy and wants to help him. However, Roy also makes a very good test case. Diggle is also desperate to change Connor, JJ and Zoe’s future as well. If they can make their own hope in the present then maybe things can be different for his children in the future.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

We all need love and support. None of us can truly survive on our own - particularly when we are suffering. Roy fights John at first, but eventually he comes to realize he’s right. Roy found purpose and family when he met Oliver so it makes sense to him they are the reason he gets better. So why wait? He comes home and begins the path to healing twenty years earlier. And thus, a major storyline from Season 7 flash forwards begins to change.

ROY MADE SENSE Y’ALL!!!

L*urel L*nce

I truly could not figure out why L*urel was in Russia. I guess to help Oliver track down these plans, but she spent the better part of the episode staring at her fingernails. That’s not even an exaggeration. KC stared at her fingernails for an entire scene.

Source: thistributeisonfire

Her interactions with Oliver are even more bizarre.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

I’m sorry, but does L*urel go here? Bl*ck S*ren has been on the show since Season 5. You’d think at this point she’d know Oliver Queen can easily handle one guy twice his size. I’m chalking up this stupidity to the acting version of a layup, so Stephen Amell can spike it with the epic comeback of, “I’ll give him half a chance.”

I guess L*urel is primarily in Russia to betray Oliver Queen and steal the plans or something, per Lyla’s instructions.

LL: And here I thought I was supposed to be the bad guy.

At last count Lyla never murdered innocent people, so I think she's still ahead by the numbers Bl*ck S*ren. This is the problem with L*urel’s character this year. The comparisons her character makes this season are INSANE. Putting on a new suit and calling yourself Bl*ck C*nary doesn’t automatically make you morally superior to everyone.

At least when Season 7 L*urel was playing attorney she had a healthy perspective on herself. I was a big fan of the snark last season and found her character to be refreshingly amusing in her biting honesty, but this year the writers lost the snarky humor and have gone straight to obnoxious hypocrisy and judgment. Sometimes she’s just downright mean in a way none of the other characters deserve. Yes, Lyla is being shady, but this in no way erases the horrors of your past L*urel.

L*urel: If saving it means going back to the person I used to be then what the hell is the point?

We all know this whole betray Oliver thing the Monitor is playing at with L*urel is a trick. She’s not going to betray Oliver and prove herself a worthy and useful hero. Ok. Whatever. I know I’m supposed to get excited about her big speech, but this line kind of gnawed at me.

L*urel is unwilling to save an ENTIRE EARTH because she’d have to do something shady. She’s not willing to do any dirty work if it sullies her good name. So, Earth 2 only matters as long as L*urel gets to be a hero on it? I guess I should be happy L*urel is holding onto her moral center, but if there’s anything Oliver Queen’s story has taught us sometimes heroism requires doing unpleasant things for the greater good.

Take Lyla for example – a person L*urel feels quite comfortable judging. Lyla has been lying to her husband, something she does not want to do, for the greater good. I think we know enough about Lyla’s character by now that even though her actions are hurtful we can trust her reasons.

LL’s primary function this week it seems is to rat Lyla out to Diggle and Oliver.

Source: stevesrogered

I guess we’re supposed to rejoice there’s no price L*urel is willing to pay for her morality, but this is still the same person who has yet to take any responsibility for the people she’s murdered. The line just sounded so arrogant and self serving to me. I don’t know. Maybe it was just KC’s delivery.

It’s been difficult for me to imagine what role either L*urel or Dinah will play in the spin off and seeing as how the writers are struggling to find a purpose for their characters in the final season of Arrow I am not encouraged. That said, L*urel’s scene with Mia was one of the few bright spots for her character in this week’s episode. Mia believes she’s not cut out to be a hero because she failed to ring the bell like her father and Zoe’s death still weighs heavily on her conscious.

Mia: Every time I try and live up to my dad or to prove I can do what it is you all do. I fail.

L*urel: If you’re trying to live up to us, don’t. We are just as flawed as anyone. Especially me. All you can do is live up to yourself.

Damn L*urel. That was really good advice and a truthful reflection of the person you are. CAN WE HAVE THIS ATTITUDE CONSISTENTLY WEEK TO WEEK PLEASE WRITERS? This is the first time I can see a version of L*urel working in the spin off, but that’s always the problem with the writing of her character. We never know which version we’re going to get.

Season 8 is slipping back into very bad Season 1 habits. There’s a lack of cohesiveness with L*urel and they really need to get this sorted out before the new show hits the air. Otherwise, we’re going to have the same problem we’ve always had with her character. No matter how many versions of L*urel’s character these writers create they never figure out who she truly is because they don’t want to devote the necessary screen time. This leaves us with a half baked canary every single time.

If L*urel is going to play Rupert Giles to Mia’s Buffy in the spin off then this scene is a good indication of how it could work, but that’s only if this path stays on track which seldom happens with this character. The key to LL is a very specific supporting role. She worked great in Season 7 because her focus was getting Oliver Queen out of jail. Then,it was about fleshing out her redemption and shipping her back to E2 to make amends.

L*urel lacks a concrete To Do list this year. They toss her into scenes and she takes up space looking at her fingernails. Or she arrives a few minutes after Oliver frees himself to scream down a door he could have easily opened. Or she says something hypocritical and nasty. REALLY? This is the best these writers can come up with? Sadly, history points to yes.

Keep her scenes short. Keep her scenes specific. Keep her scenes supporting. That’s the only way this character works. And believe me I wish it was different, but there doesn’t seem to be any version of L*urel L*nce these writers can keep a handle on.

You know what I appreciate about this scene between Anatoly and William though? Anatoly addresses his less than honorable past and apologizes. I can’t fully remember what Anatoly did to William - I think it might have been related to kidnapping or a bomb or a nuke or all three. See? I told you I don’t remember S6. My point is - can we expect an apology from L*urel for being an accessory to William’s mother’s murder? I won’t hold my breath. It would be extremely helpful if they addressed LL’s past in an honest way and actually had her show remorse to one of her victims, but again that requires more screen time and effort than this show is ever will to give her character.

SO WHY DO THEY KEEP HER AROUND?

Stray Thoughts

Connor isn’t in this week’s episode because he’s checking in on Sandra. Soooo… Connor can visit his mother but Mia and William can’t visit theirs? I know this is yet another EBR plot hole, but find a better reason for Connor to be MIA writers. It just makes the Smoak-Queen family look uncaring, which we know they are not. And if Connor can get an off camera mother moment mention then why can’t Mia and William? THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT ANNOY ME.

“Has anyone fought six men before?” Mia and Oliver’s side eye is hilarious, but didn’t Mia fight six goons by herself? And we’ve watched Oliver take down twenty without breaking a sweat. Raise the number in the ring a little if you want me to take their hesitation seriously.

Diggle is absolutely horrified to find out Lyla is working against the team with The Monitor. “I didn’t want to believe it was true.” Boy, really? Who are you kidding? This is Lyla Michaels, super spy. She’s been lying and doing shady things from minute one. She’s the Oliver to your Felicity. Get out of here with that nonsense. This is totally something she would do and you know it. Lol

William doesn’t like the field, but the allure of beautiful couture convinces him otherwise. At least he didn’t have to go on a skeevy date with Ray Palmer to wear it. Source: felicitysmoakgifs

William’s “Wrap it up” sign while Mia was fighting was such a funny and wonderful way of showing their team within a team.

“I can be the fun uncle.” Raise your hand if you want Anatoly as a fun uncle.

He was a complicated, but ultimately wonderful character who made Arrow a better show.

Goodbye Anatoly. I will miss you. source: oliverxfelicity

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mermaidsirennikita · 6 years ago

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July 2019 Book Wrap-up

July was actually a really good month for me! I read a ton of books, and a lot of them were actually pretty good? It’s been a very transitory month for me; and I’m hoping to keep up the momentum as I start a new job. The standouts of the month include War, of my beloved Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse series by Laura Thalassa, and Lock Every Door, a creepy, apartment-centric psychological thriller by Riley Sagers.

What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon. 3/5. Heartbroken by the death of her grandfather--the only parent she really knew--Anne Gallagher travels to Ireland. Ireland was her grandfather’s homeland, she she grew up on his stories of a family she has little connection with. Going out on the lake, she suddenly finds herself thrown back into 1921, in an Ireland on the brink of civil war. Taken in by Thomas Smith, a friend of her great-grandfather--who himself died young in the conflict--she finds a young boy who is oddly familiar, and a group of people she can’t help but connect with. As she grows close to Thomas and enveloped in his political struggles, Anne becomes terrified of her lack of control over the time she’s in, or the future she’s facing. This is a time travel romance, as you’d probably guess. And it’s really not super amazing or much to complain about. There is fluff. There are the necessary “out of time” moments, the tension between the hero and the heroine. It does seem that Harmon did her research on the Irish political landscape of the 1920s--but I can’t verify the novel’s accuracy. To be frank, I think that this actually got in the way of the story to an extent. The amount of time Michael Collins took up in this novel, acting as like... the best friend character? Was a bit awkward. Otherwise, it’s a fluffy, nice read.

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren. 3/5. Olive and Ethan hate each other, which is awkward as his brother is marrying her sister. But after the entire wedding party--save Olive and Ethan--end up with food poisoning, they agree to go on the honeymoon trip together, to save it from being completely wasted. The plan on avoiding each other the entire time; but when Olive encounters her future boss at the resort and tells what seems to be a white lie, they end up having to impersonate newlyweds. You can probably guess what happens next! Christina Lauren books usually feature protagonists with a fun, sweet chemistry, and this novel is no exception. The beach setting and Olive and Ethan’s angsty, unresolved sexual tension makes most of this book a super fun read. The only reason why I didn’t give it 4/5 is that the last twenty percent or so really annoyed me. There is a very typical twist, which wasn’t the problem--how our male lead reacted to it was. It didn’t ruin the book, but it did make me much less likely to give it a wholehearted recommendation.

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager. 5/5. After losing her job and breaking up with her live-in boyfriend, Jules is desperate for money and a place to stay. As luck would have it, she stumbles upon an opportunity that offers both. The Bartholomew is an old building, populated by the wealthy elite; and Jules has long idolized it as the setting of one of her favorite childhood books. When the apartments are in between owners, their inherent value makes them targets for thieves--which is why the building’s managers employ apartment sitters. Jules is offered $12,000 to live in an apartment for three months; and despite her wariness, she can’t turn that kind of offer down. But when her newfound friend and fellow apartment sitter Ingrid goes missing, Jules sets on to a horrifying search for answers, which yield far more than she’s bargained for. It’s official: I really do love Riley Sager books. He’s 3/3 so far, and this one just may be my favorite. Sager isn’t shy about drawing from classic horror tropes, and this novel is no exception--it owes a good bit to Rosemary’s Baby and The Shining. But of course, another totally out there twist is thrown in, making the story his own. I can’t say much without spoiling it. But if you love thrillers and horror, try it. What pushes the book over the edge for me is that it has a real point about today’s class systems, and the privileges of wealth and the victimization of the poor in America.

The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary. 4/5. Following a disastrous breakup, Tiffy needs a flat, and badly. So when she sees the ad posted by Leon, she’s desperate enough to take it. As Tiffy is an assistant editor and Leon is a night nurse, they have different schedules. They live in the flat together and even share a bed--though they sleep on opposite sides--but never see each other, communicating through notes left about the apartment. At first, it’s stiff--but gradually, as they learn more about one another and their separate troubles (from Tiffy’s obsessive ex to Leon’s incarcerated brother) they begin to rely on each other for more than just room and board... This is a really fucking cute, very sweet romantic comedy that touches on deeper subjects than you might think. The way through which Tiffy and Leon connect is pretty unique, and I felt for both of them. They were pleasant without being annoyingly perfect, and I just had a great time with the novel.

War by Laura Thalassa. 4/5. As the apocalypse rages on, Miriam struggles to live in an Israel ravaged by the literal War--that is, the horseman of the apocalypse. When the supernatural warlord stumbles across her in the battlefield, he’s taken aback by her own fury, and declares that she was sent by God to be his wife. Thrown in with War and his followers, Miriam is exposed to the true horror of the battlefield--while also learning that there may be more to War’s purpose, and her connection with him, than she thought. This is the sequel to Pestilence, and part of a big fat series about women falling in love with the four horsemen of the apocalypse. And I love them. War is a surprisingly endearing hero, though Thalassa never shies away from how brutal the horsemen are--which I so appreciate. You never forget that War isn’t a human, however you may love him. Miriam is another fun heroine, and one of those lovely characters who is honestly quite softhearted but still aggressive and never weak. It’s a cheesy romance novel, and it’s exactly what you should read right now, immediately.

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson. 3/5. Elisabeth is a foundling, raised in the Great Library of Austermeer to take care of its magical grimoires. When the library is attacked and its most powerful grimoire unleashed, Elisabeth is implicated in the crime. Sent to the capital to be dealt with, she becomes wrapped up in a conspiracy, with only a suspicious sorcerer to rely upon. I adored Rogerson’s first novel (An Enchantment of Ravens), and I wish I’d loved this one more. It was well-written, and the characters were interesting, but I just found the story a bit hard to get caught up in. Honestly, I think this had less to do with the plot itself and more to do with the pacing and length of the book. It took way too long for things to get started, and things just moved too slowly for my taste. However, I do think that tons of people will LOVE this book--if sorcery and slow burns are up your alley, go for it!

On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves. 2/5. Thirty-year-old Anna is happy to take a dream teaching job--she’s tutoring the nearly-seventeen year old T.J. as his family vacations over the summer in the Maldives. Flying separately from the rest of the group, Anna and T.J. are thrown off course when their pilot has a heart attack and crashes into the sea, leaving the two of them trapped on an isolated island. As the years pass and Anna and T.J. survive together, they come to face the reality of a new world--and their changing feelings. I had to read this for the what the fuck factor, basically? To clarify, nothing happens between the leads until the guy is almost nineteen, and by then they’ve been alone for so long that it’s honestly pretty understandable. I feel like this could have been great, trashy fun and it still kind of was, but the writing was so........................................ Not great? It was really clunky and really awkward, and the characters kept repeating things to each other that didn’t need to be repeated. The dialogue took me out more than anything else. But I don’t know, I wasn’t disengaged? It’s a spectacle of a book.

The Royal Secret by Lucinda Riley. 3/5. After the death of acting legend Sir James Harrison, reporter Joanna is set to cover his funeral. There, she meets a mysterious older woman, who sets her on a path to uncover a secret that has been hidden for more than seventy years--connected to the royal family. I don’t have much to say about this one. It intrigued me because it was actually published a little over 20 years ago, but due to the timing--it was written when the royal family was at a peak low in terms of popularity, but published right around the time that the popularity took an upswing--it did rather poorly. It was an interesting enough read, but never grabbed me. The characters felt disconnected and bland, and ultimately the thriller aspects were pretty light, or maybe just not the types that I enjoy. It’s not a bad book, but it’s also not for me.

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo. 2/5. This non-fiction book follows three women throughout the years, focusing on their varied sex lives. This just wasn’t for me. Other people will love it, but I was looking for something less... intentionally poetic. I wanted it to be more honest and upfront and analytical.

The Last Leonardo: The Secret Lives of the World’s Most Expensive Painting by Ben Lewis. 4/5. An account of the history of Salvator Mundi, the allegeded Leonardo da Vinci work sold for $450 million. Lewis writes in an engaging manner, revealing both the painting’s history and the case for and against it being a Leonardo--and what I really love too is his examination of the questions surrounding its value even if it is a Leonardo, considering the painting’s extensive restoration (which could have arguably taken away from the artist’s original hand) and its general quality compared to other works by Leonardo. I’m not sure if people who aren’t into art history or at least history would be into this, but I found Lewis’s skepticism and reserve regarding the topic weirdly refreshing. I have a lot of feelings about Salvator Mundi, and I appreciated the way he communicated his.

The Descendant of the Crane by Joan He. 4/5. After the death of her father, Hesina is left as the heir to the throne. The issue? She thinks that her father was murdered--and in her pursuit of the truth, she seeks help from a sooth, one of the magic-users forbidden by the Eleven, the wise people who restructured the kingdom years ago. She is then set to work with Akira, a thief who’s meant to represent her in court as she struggles to find the killer--but ends up on a path that will reveal more than she’d bargained for. It’s hard to not spoil this one? It has many twists and turns, to the point that it did get kind of convoluted (and the ending is far from resolved, though there’s no guarantee of a sequel). But I admire He’s ambition and the scope of the story. I hope we do get a follow-up!

#books #book recs #book roundup

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irregularwebcomic · 4 years ago

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[Irregular Webcomic! #4512](https://ift.tt/3vWGhVf)

Alternate punchline (replacing both Iki Piki and Paris in panel 4): 4 Paris: This allowed them to stop fighting each other, so they could focus on peacefully enslaving half the Galaxy each. The Treaty of Taurus is a space analogue of the Treaty of Tordesillas, which was a real treaty signed in 1494 between Spain (or more historically accurately the Crown of Castile) and Portugal, which agreed that all newly discovered lands west of a meridian 370 leagues west of the Cape Verde islands belonged to Spain/Castile, and all territory east of that line belonged to Portugal. Notably, this gave the first colonies in what would later become Brazil to the Portuguese, while the islands of the Caribbean, the rest of South America, and all of North America were rightfully Spanish territory. This might sound like a good deal for the Spanish and a bum steer for the Portuguese, but the entire continents of Africa and Asia were also east of the line, leading to the Portuguese possession of territories in Morocco, Guinea-Bissau, Angola, Mozambique, the Maldives, Bom Bahia, Goa, Kalikut, Sri Lanka, the Moluccas islands, and Macau among others. A problem arose when the two empires realised they could successfully sail around the world. Portugal figured that as long as they could keep sailing east, they could start new colonies. But in 1521, Ferdinand Magellan's fleet on its historic circumnavigation of the globe reached the Moluccas by sailing west from the Americas. The Spanish then realised that the Portuguese had sailed more than halfway around the world east of the Tordesillas Treaty line. So, of course, they argued that the treaty had actually divided the entire world into two equal halves, and that the Moluccas—incredibly valuable for the spice trade—should in fact belong to Spain. Charles V of Spain sent an expedition to colonise Moluccan islands. They established a fort on an island next to one already occupied by Portugal, leading to inevitable conflict and fighting. To resolve the issue, in 1524 the competing kingdoms organised a joint conference. Each kingdom appointed a committee of three three astronomers and cartographers, three pilots, and three mathematicians to argue their case. They committees actually agreed that the world should be divided into two equal pieces, one half for Portugal and the other for Spain. The disagreement was where exactly the meridian line opposite the Tordesillas line lay. There were a few problems. Firstly, the Treaty of Tordesillas didn't specify exactly where its dividing line was. It didn't say which point in the Cape Verde Islands the 370 leagues was to be measured from, nor did it specify the length of a league in a time when measures were far from standardised and different people used leagues defined in different ways, based on a wide variety of archaic Roman and Greek units. Secondly, maps of the world in this time were still inaccurate and highly variable. In particular, there was no good way to determine longitude accurately.[1] So the Portuguese presented maps that showed the Moluccas in their half of the world, while the Spanish presented maps that showed the Moluccas in their half of the world. Of course. The conference never reached an agreement. In 1525, with the question still unresolved, King John III of Portugal married Catherine of Austria, who was Charles V's sister, and then in 1526 Charles V married Isabella of Portugal, the sister of King John III. Now a cosy crossbred royal family, Spain and Portugal became allies. Wanting to avoid conflict with his new double-bestie-brother-in-law, and also slightly hamstrung by the argument that by all rights Spain would have to transport goods to and from the Moluccas via America rather than via Africa, which seemed virtually impossible, Charles V agreed to set the dividing line on the far side of the world to a location 297.5 leagues east of the Moluccas, thus ceding all of the islands to Portugal. This agreement was formalised in the Treaty of Zaragoza, signed in 1529. The Zaragoza line meant that Portugal got most of Australia, New Guinea, and Japan, while Spain could claim the smaller eastern portion of each of these lands, as well as New Zealand and most of the islands of the Pacific. Or they would have if they had discovered any of them in time. Because although these treaties settled colonial rights between Portugal and Spain, all of the other colonial powers—the English, French, and Dutch—simply ignored it and grabbed whatever land they could find. And of course the native populations that the European powers found already living there had pretty much no say at all. You've just got to admire the sheer brazen audacity of the original Treaty of Tordesillas. Basically two dudes getting together and saying, "We'll divide the entire world between us, and sucks to be anybody else." [1] And there wouldn't be until the late 18th century. See the second half of #3341 for a brief overview.

#Irregular Webcomic!

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yourboatholiday · 4 years ago

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Superyachts and helicopters? A perfect duo!

What is a superyacht without its helicopter landing pad? Why should you ask for one on your brand new or just chartered yacht? What kind of yacht can carry a helicopter? What helicopters are suitable for landing on yacht’s pads?

These are just a few questions we’ll try to discuss in this article. Let’s follow us to get your answers!

No matter what the reason is, if you are about to buy a mega-yacht or better about to rent one for a vacation and you want a complete 360-degree experience do not miss the opportunity to have a helicopter on board, certainly a choice you won’t regret. Let’s see why:

Aboard a superyacht with a helicopter free to go wherever you want

If the feeling, while you are onboard a yacht, is to be the sea master, free to sail far and wide-reaching the most distant destinations without having to respect boundaries, a helicopter on board will allow you to conquer even the sky, also extending your motion range upwards.

In addition, to being a very electrifying experience in itself, letting you enjoy an exclusive and breathtaking view of the coast at which you are anchored, a helicopter available 24 hours a day means being able to move quickly and with little notice from the boat to the inland or on a private island or, better yet, in a busy city center without ending up in the middle of traffic even for a second.

For example, try to imagine being anchored off the Bahamas and suddenly wanting to reach Miami to watch the last Miami Heat home match. Through your helicopter, piloted by qualified personnel, you will enter the stadium just in time for the kick-off!

The ideal solution for VIPs and businessmen

However, it is in the world of business that carrying a helicopter on your superyacht can make the difference between a relaxing holiday with a short work break or a whole day (or worse) ruined by an unexpected and urgent commitment.

Having ultra-fast transport to and from your office, a conference center, or any other destination that would otherwise require hours of navigation and car driving means having a considerable advantage in terms of comfort.

Just think of, for example, a manager who is enjoying a well-deserved vacation with his family in the beautiful waters of the Maddalena archipelago, in Italy, recalled for an important meeting in the city of Milan which he cannot give up. Without a helicopter onboard it would be impossible for him to attend it without missing much of the holiday with his wife and children.

The superyachts with helicopters list are really long

What are the best helicopter yachts to rent today? The list is very long and well-stocked. Below we point out just some of the best mega-yachts that offer this service, indicating for each the area in which they operate and are available for rental:

Datcha: launched in 2020 by the builder Damen Yachting, this boat reaches 77 meters in length. In addition to having a practical helipad, she also offers a fantastic 3-person submarine on board to explore the depths of the sea! Datcha is available for charter in the Indian Ocean, in particular in the Maldives and Seychelles islands.

Bold: built by Silver Yachts in 2019, Bold is an 85 meters boat complete with every comfort for its passengers, including a practical helicopter landing pad. She can accommodate up to 16 guests divided into 8 cabins and up to 20 crew members. Bold can be rented for cruises in the South Pacific Ocean, French Polynesia, Fiji, New Zealand.

Ragnar: built-in 2012, it is born from the ashes of a former icebreaker. This 68-meter Royal Niestern Sander Superyacht was launched in 2020 and can accommodate up to 12 guests and 17 crew members. Her origins allow her to brave the cold temperatures of the Nordic countries during the summer while in the winter she can be hired for charters in the Caribbean Sea.

Cloudbreak: she is a mega expedition yacht of over 70 meters capable of sailing anywhere in the world. She was built by Abeking & Rasmussen in 2016 and can accommodate 12 people divided into 6 cabins. The crew consists of 22 members. During the summer season, Cloudbreak can be rented in the Mediterranean Sea, between the Greek islands and Turkey.

Luna: Although she is currently not available for hire, Luna deserves to be mentioned among those capable of transporting a helicopter as she owns not one but two helipads! At 155 meters in length, she is one of the largest mega-yachts in the world and carries, among other things, a submarine and a garage complete with luxury cars.

What if you want to choose your helicopter yourself?

For those who want to have everything under control, it is also possible to choose from a vast helicopter assortment dedicated to the world of yachts.

So what are the best brands when it comes to helicopters for mega-yachts? We would like to point out just a few, indicating for each the top speed, the range and the maximum number of passengers that can be transported:

Robinson R44: This helicopter is one of the best-sellers among the small models. She can carry up to 4 passengers at a top speed of 135 mph for around 350 miles.

Bell 505 Jet Ranger X: among the entry levels there is also this American house small model. It carries up to 4 passengers with a maximum range of about 620 kilometers. It reaches a top speed of 230 km / h.

Leonardo AW109 Trekker: this model of the Leonardo group is positioned in the intermediate range. There are 6 seats on this helicopter which guarantees a range of about 450 miles and a cruising speed of 175 mph.

Airbus H160: here is a true giant of the air. This Airbus helicopter can in fact carry up to 12 passengers and is suitable for very large mega-yachts. She can travel an impressive 500 miles at a speed of 185 mph.

Finally, we leave you with a piece of advice: if you are thinking of renting one of these splendid boats, perhaps combining them with a practical helicopter, do not waste any more time and contact Your Boat Holiday, one of the most serious and reliable rental companies on the market today.

Contact now YBH Charter Brokers:

You can contact us by sending an email at [email protected] or by phone, calling +39 33436 00997, available also on WhatsApp for both calls and texting.

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photomattjames · 5 years ago

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<h2><strong><font color="#f79646">Nordic Seaplanes: Flying Sustainably High</font></strong></h2>

Meet two of the pilots who fly a 100% carbon neutral amphibious craft between Copenhagen and Aarhus. Their personal story is quite an interesting one.

“Sorry we’re late,” apologises 24-year-old Nordic Seaplanes first officer Line Fonseca. “A family has gone missing from their boat in Roskilde Fjord and we took a detour to search for them.” It was the last thing I expected her to say. “Didn’t the passengers mind the diversion?” I ask. It was a legitimate question; most of those onboard were commuters paying a considerable price to get to work on time. “No. They were happy to help.” I nod in understanding; it isn’t every day you get asked to take part in the search for missing persons.

We’re joined by Line’s partner and colleague Ulrik Nielsen, 52, and the three of us head over to the couple’s camper van, parked just metres away from the pontoon where the plane docks after landing. “Would you like a coffee?” asks Ulrik. I reply in the positive and sit down to ask some questions. I know from previous meetings that this isn’t going to be any ordinary conversation with your ‘average couple’, and that’s exactly why I’m here.

The pair first met when Line started working for Nordic Seaplanes as an aerodrome assistant back in 2016. She was still training to be a pilot at Greybird Pilot Academy in Aarhus, and she admits it was a little bit of luck that landed her the job. “I saw that [Danish music producer] Remee had posted a photo on Instagram showing a seaplane in the Maldives,” she explained. “I left a comment saying: ‘Did you know one of those is coming to Denmark soon?’ He never replied; but HR from Nordic Seaplanes did!” “What did they say?” I asked, already guessing the answer. “They wanted me in for an interview.” Line smiled. “They’d checked out my profile and remembered meeting me at Greybird once. One of their aircraft had landed at the airport for refuelling one afternoon and I was really excited to see it. I cried like a little bitch.”

If you’ve never heard of Nordic Seaplanes before then you’ve probably spotted their unmistakable aircraft in the skies above – particularly during the warmer months. The twin otter DHC—6-300, with its distinct red and white paint job, flies relatively low over the landscape during its 45-minute journey between Aarhus and Copenhagen. In both cities the plane departs and lands on water – Nordre Toldbod in Copenhagen, and Miljøhavnen in Aarhus – and makes for a far more interesting alternative to taking the train. In fact, the next fastest route between the two locations takes at least three hours by rail – a significant difference for those professionals who are charging by the hour.

I met one such professional, who wished to remain anonymous, during my first flight in 2018. “My colleagues wouldn’t like it if they knew I was receiving special treatment from the boss,” he tells me. “I’m a lawyer for a Copenhagen-based firm, but I live in Aarhus with my wife and kids,” he explains. “This commute means I get to spend more time with them, and the firm actually saves money this way.” “How so?” I ask. “Well, naturally I charge by the hour – even when I’m travelling for work.”

Looking around the 18-seater plane I notice that the majority of passengers are dressed smart-casual, with briefcases or leather laptop bags in their possession. And it’s then that I realise what a fantastic idea this whole concept is. And enjoyable, too. With the ground so close, buildings and landmarks are easy to identify and, in my case, photograph professionally. “Who needs a drone?” I think to myself.

The landing on water is smooth and actually very exciting – much like the takeoff. And within minutes everybody is safely off the plane and making their way to taxis or loved ones. The anonymous lawyer is greeted by his family and returns to shake my hand. “You really should fly with them early in the morning,” he suggests. “The sunrise is just stunning.”

It was during the return flight to Copenhagen that I first met Line. At the time I had no idea she was the pilot; instead I thought she was potentially one of the ground staff whose duty it was to help load and unload passengers and their belongings. I put this observation down to the fact that she welcomed us all onboard and gave us a pre-flight briefing shortly before takeoff. I mean, how often does a pilot or captain do that?

So when we sat down to talk I was taken aback when she told me she had been flying the plane on the return journey. “A young, female pilot… how modern.” I smiled. “We need to talk more. Can I come and fly with you again soon and interview you?” “Sure,” replied Line. “And you can meet my partner, Ulrik. He’s a pilot, too.”

I’m a little stressed out before our second meeting. Somehow I’ve miscalculated the distance from my (new) office to their check-in desk at Langelinie. Half-way there, I receive a phone call from Julie asking me where I am: the flight leaves in ten minutes. “I’m on my way!” I pant down the phone. “I’ll be there in five!” “Well don’t worry about going to the desk to get your boarding pass – just go straight to the pontoon and we’ll meet you there.” Which is how I found myself boarding a flight which literally took less than five seconds to check in for. A first for me in my 37 years on this planet.

I’m the last to sit down and strap myself in before the doors close and we’re on our way. The smell of fuel briefly enters my nostrils before the extractor fans kick in, and all of a sudden we’re accelerating towards Refshaleøen, the small waves below washing over the feet of the plane. There’s a little bit of residue childhood adrenaline pumping through my veins, and then we’re airborne once again. Out of the window I spot the Royal Yacht sailing out to sea, and just moments later, Dyrehaven makes an appearance on the port side. Ancient woodland gives way to motorways and high-rise apartments, suburbs become fields, and suddenly I’m totally disorientated. I reach for my phone to launch Google Maps and marvel at the speed of the little blue dot as it traverses across my screen. In a few moments we’ll be passing over Sjællands Odde and overtaking the ferries that cross over to Jutland.

Upon our arrival in Aarhus I’m introduced to Ulrik, and the three of us walk less than 20 metres to a private area behind a metal fence. There I’m greeted by a little black Italian Greyhound as it tenderly licks my hand and wags its tail. “This is Elga-Olga,” Line tells me. “She lives with us here.” Line sweeps her hand in front of her as she says this and shows me their home on four wheels. “The three of you live right here?” I ask, rather surprised and in awe. Line nods and unlocks the door. We head inside.

I listen as the pair tell me of their lifestyle; of how they get to choose where to call home when they get time off together. I find myself shaking my head in disbelief, and feeling a little bit jealous of their nomad way of life. The image most people have of pilots, I say to them, is an extravagant one: champagne breakfasts in a large house with a pool. Or am I way out of touch with reality here? “In our case, yes,” replies Line. “Flight School wasn’t exactly cheap – I borrowed the money from my sister, and living here enables me to pay her back.”

I want to hear more, but unfortunately time is against us, and we don’t have long to go until Ulrik has to take us all back to Copenhagen. So we make an agreement to meet up the next time they are together in the capital with their camper.

As I stand in line to board the plane I spot a young man carrying a guitar case. It goes in the belly of the aircraft with all the other luggage, and the man and his travelling partner climb the steps of the plane and disappear inside. Coincidentally I find myself sitting just in front of him during takeoff and kindly ask him if it’s OK to pick his brains about why he chooses to fly with Nordic Seaplanes. “Sure, no problem,” he replies. His companion looks at me and smiles. The cool-looking guy with the aviator shades tells me that, as a touring musician, it’s important for him to be rested and relaxed before each show, and that the short flight between the mainland and Zealand really helps. “Are you in a band?” I ask. He smiles. “Yeah, you could say that.” “Don’t the other musicians mind that you get to travel in luxury whilst they have to make do with public transport?” “No,” he laughs. I pap a few arty portraits of him and thank him for his time. “Just one more thing,” I say. “Could I take your name, please?” “Yeah, it’s Mads Langer.”

As it turns out, famous Danish singer-songwriter Mads isn’t the only well-known person to use the services of Nordic Seaplanes. Members of the Royal Family, including Queen Margrethe II herself, have been known to fly from time to time, as well as former PM Lars Løkke Rasumussen. “We get a little bit start-struck sometimes,” Ulrik tells me, “but they all behave like everybody else, and that’s how we treat them, too. Everybody’s welcome.”

My third meeting with Line takes place straight after the brief search operation over Roskilde Fjord. With a bit more time on our hands, I take the opportunity to snap some portraits of the couple and to go a little deeper into their story. Naturally I approach the elephant in the room head on: “What about the 30-year age difference – how’s that working out on a professional level?” The pair both grin. “We both learn an awful lot from one another,” explains Ulrik, who started learning to fly around the time Line first entered the world. “I learnt the old-fashioned way, by saving money and paying for lessons whenever I could afford it.“ I ask him about his career and how he ended up in his current employment. “Well, I started out in my late-20s, flying mail and tourists in and out of the islands of Tåsinge and Ærø,” Ulrik explains. “Then, whilst working as a freelance taxi pilot at Billund Airport, an aircraft from Greenland arrived at for maintenance and I spent the next six months helping to fix it up. I took my seaplane rating during this time and became the only commercial seaplane-rated pilot in Denmark.

“One of the earliest jobs I got was a three-month assignment for TV2. They were filming a show called ‘The Little Yellow Seaplane’, and it was my job to fly to remote islands and areas of Denmark with a TV presenter.

“Then, in 1997, I went on holiday to the Maldives to visit my brother – a dive instructor. I instantly applied for a job with a seaplane company, but they said no and I returned home to Denmark.

“But six months later they called and asked: ‘Can you start tomorrow?’ I signed a two-year contract and stayed for 17.” “Why did you stop working there?” “It was the Boxing Day tsunami; there was no work after that.”

I ask Line what it’s like working with Nordc Seaplanes. “It’s fantastic; they’re a very forward-thinking company. Obviously there aren’t a great many female pilots out there, but on top of that they’re also 100% carbon neutral.” This is something I noticed upon my arrival at the check-in area this time around – a huge poster hanging from the fence to the Welcome Area. According to their website, Nordic Seaplanes have started a collaboration with Thor Heyerdahl Climate Parks and Bio8. The park covers an area of 2,146 hectares of newly planted mangrove forest in Myanmar, and their share of this project means that the CO2 emissions from their flights are 100% neutralised.

The inspiration came from another Danish aviation firm, DAT, whose domestic routes and flights over the North Sea to Aberdeen in Scotland are also carbon neutral.

At the same time, the company acknowledges that there isn’t any miracle cure that will, in a single stroke, make aviation the world’s most sustainable mode of transport, but the mangrove tree helps the world along the way. Fifty per cent of the trees’ biomass is CO2, and as such it absorbs four-to-five times as much carbon as other trees in general.

As I wrap up our interview, I’m beginning to realise just how many potential angles there are to this story. But the one thing I haven’t even asked yet – a subject that repeatedly gets written about when it comes to Danish culture – is how happy they are. I ask Line if she’d recommend her job and lifestyle to anyone else? “Oh, absolutely,” she replies in a heartbeat. “It’s so romantic!” “What’s so special about flying a seaplane?” “Well, I know that a lot of pilots go on to work for commercial airlines and get to fly big planes over long distances,” she explains. “With the seaplane there’s never an opportunity to stick it on autopilot and hand over the controls.” Ulrik nods in agreement as he takes a sip of his coffee. “Planes are getting smarter, but this one is still very primitive. Your constantly physically flying the aircraft, from takeoff to landing, as well as interacting with the passengers and refuelling the plane.” “It’s a proper flying job, Line interjects. Her eyes seem to shine as she says this. “There’s another bonus.” Ulrik smiles. “We know the guy who owns the fort over there,” he says, pointing out the window towards a small, horseshoe-shaped fortress known as Trekroner Fort. “Some evenings Line and I get to moor the plane over there and take a bottle of wine and a picnic with us.” “That does sound very romantic,” I tell them. “Oh, it is,” Line replies, “and that’s exactly why I wanted this job in the first place. It’s my calling in life.”

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rememberthattime · 6 years ago

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Chapter 46. Australian Bucket List

Australia is a big country. You wouldn’t guess by its population, but geographically speaking, it’s the sixth biggest country in the world. SIXTH! It’s basically the size of the lower 48 US states.

Now, what comes with geographic vastness? Rednecks. Nooo-Wait, actually yes. But also diverse ecosystems. Think of the US: Washington forests are nothing like the plains of Iowa or swamps of Louisiana.

Now, in our 14 months down unda, Chelsay and I have visited several unique Aussie ecosystems, but have mostly grown accustomed to Manly’s: “80 & sunny”. If Australia is the size of the lower 48 though, there are countless climates & terrains waiting to be explored.

So, for our 10-day Easter trip, Chelsay and I teamed up with our Manly fam Pete & Megan to see how many different Aussie ecosystems (and related footwear requirements) we could find.

Part 1: Sandals

The first stop in our Grand Aussie Tour was Hamilton Island in the Whitsundays. This place is pure relaxation… but it’s also classy so you can’t just walk around barefoot.

Instead of cars, visitors buzz around the small island in golf carts like they’re in some Florida retirement community. Actually, Hamilton Island kind of reminds me of a picturesque island in the Keys. The Whitsundays are too manicured to be exactly like Florida, but if you catch Key West in the right light, it might resemble Hamilton Island’s palm-lined beaches, small community feel, and charming boutique (singular, as everything on this tiny island is).

The Whitsundays aren’t known for “being like Key West” though... They’re known for turquoise waters and bleached white beaches. Like, the best bleached white beaches in the world. And the best of the best bleached white beaches is Whitehaven, consistently ranked among the prettiest places in Australia. What makes it so great? One, it’s a beach – people love beaches. Two, its 4.5 miles of silica-infused white sand, bumping right against the bright blue Whitsunday waters. If that isn’t enough, on its northern end, the bright beach yields to tidal inflows forming Hill Inlet, where the white sand and turquoise waters fuse to form colors you’d only imagine on canvas.

Hill Inlet is more than a painting though, and the best way to see it is from above: *Aussie accent* choppaaa’.

It was Chelsay and I’s first time in a helicopter, so even the flight itself was fun. Surrounded by windows, we had unobstructed views for the heli’s bizarre maneuverers: vertical take-off, hovering without moving, side-to-side rotations… and of course the escaping-villain-feeling when the pilot accelerates and the nose of the helicopter dips forward.

Our pilot quickly passed Chelsay as the coolest person I knew, so I flooded him with questions.

Mike: “Have you seen the latest Mission Impossible – can you do a chopper flip like Tom Cruise??”

Pilot: “No.”

Mike: “Well can you do barrel rolls??”

Pilot: “No.”

Mike: “Have you flown anyone famous??”

Pilot: “Oprah flew with us once.”

Chelsay chimes in: Oprah voice* “We’re FLY-INNNGGGG!”

…Chelsay has retaken her coolest person title.

Back to the flight. Our itinerary had us flying 20 minutes from Hamilton Island to Whitehaven Beach, landing on the beach, kicking it for an hour, then returning to Hamilton Island. Bad news though: the weather during our first leg was dreadful. Dense grey clouds and a sheet of rain meant we couldn’t see anything… Not the pristine beach, not the bright blue water, not the Hill Inlet. Plus the pilot wouldn’t do a barrel roll.

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The rain actually yielded a bit as we landed on Whitehaven, so the pilot pulled out a picnic basket: fruits, cheeses, and two bottles of champagne. Now, on one hand, it was 9:30 am. But on the other, we’d just taken a private helicopter to a secluded beach. Morning champagne must be protocol for rich people vacations… along with bathrobes and hotel rooms with HBO.

Luckily the clouds soon parted and we took advantage, playing around in the sun, silica sand, blue skies, and warm water.

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On the flight back, we were treated to the tidal fusion of Hill Inlet and the gleaming turquoise coastlines of the Whitsundays. Still no barrel rolls though.

The remainder of our time in Hamilton Island was spent relaxing. These few days took on a quiet, tranquil routine: slow starts with coffee on our back patio, homemade lunches (the best of which were our steak, egg, & tater breakfast burritos), cocktails starting at noon, and maybe a leisurely afternoon activity (hill-top hikes, critter catching, or throwing rocks into puddles so that we could capture the splash in slow-mo). Read those activities again, and then consider they came after the midday cocktails. Makes sense.

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We’d wrap up each peaceful day with colorful sunsets from One Tree Hill, before breaking out the board games: the newlyweds game, Bananagrams, and our homemade version of Pictionary. How do you draw koala chlamydia?

As the first stop in our 10-day tour, the Whitsundays were meant to be a transitional limbo between the mental mindsets of work & play. Before heading to the really extreme Aussie ecosystems, these couple days in Hamilton Island gave us all a chance to exhale.

Part 2: Flippers

After flip-flop friendly Hamilton Island, our Manly fam was heading north for a few days on the Great Barrier Reef. Although the Whitsundays also border the GBR, remote “Far North Queensland” offers more pristine diving.

We had an extra day before our live-aboard departed from Cairns, so we decided to roadtrip up from Hamilton Island. On a map, this doesn’t look too far… They’re both in North Queensland and have easy access to the GBR, right? No. This is Australia. It’s a 7.5 hour drive.

This is actually a really impressive gauge for how big the GBR is: we drove 7.5 hours along the coast and didn’t leave the reef. Anyway, the drive wasn’t a problem for us: we were more than content with the West Cork murder podcast, beautiful sugar cane plantation views, and a brief stop at the Cardwell natural pools.

Flipper-based activities began the next day. Our overnight liveaboard gave us six dives in 24 hours, all further offshore than any day-trip could venture. This is the beauty of a liveaboard: the boat is always moving, so you aren’t anchored to nearshore dive sites. In fact, our liveaboard was so far out, it didn’t even come into the Cairns’ port: you have to bum a “taxi” ride via day-tripper boats.

The ride with the day-trippers was an experience in itself. Joining a liveaboard means you’re probably pretty ocean savvy: you’re committing to a bed that rocks back-and-forth with the waves all night. On the other hand, the day-trip boat is for those with less experience seeking a taste of sea life… Unfortunately for many first-timers, that taste was barf.

It was chaos. Imagine the Battle of Winterfell scene where the living are swarmed by the Army of the Dead… Pete, Megan, Chelsay and I were the living. One of us was Brienne with her back against the wall. One of us was Greyworm, white-faced zombies crawling all over our legs. I was Sam: in the corner, crying among the chaos. While the boat’s crew bravely carried on explaining how to put a snorkel mask on (seriously!… the mask is shaped like a face!), roughly 10% of the passengers were throwing up off the stern. One guy didn’t even make it to the back and just threw up in a towel. I tried to escape the carnage in the boat’s bathroom – as I was in there though, some guy ripped open the lock in sheer panic. God bless the crew who probably deal with this every single day.

Our taxi eventually arrived at the liveaboard and Pete, Megan, Chelsay, and I disembarked as quickly as possible. The liveaboard’s vibe couldn’t have been more juxtaposed: in the large, wood-clad foyer, other visitors were lounging on leather couches, enjoying tea, coffee, and fruit, and comparing different sea life they’d seen that day.

We weren’t on the liveaboard to mingle though, so we geared up and were 30 feet under in no time. Rather than write dive-by-dive, I’ll speak broadly across our six dives.

The sea life was vibrant and abundant: bright pink, electric blue, lime green, highlighter yellow. And that could be just ONE fish. Chelsay compared it to wearing those 90s Starter jackets.

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The reef was also in better shape than I expected. Although we’d intentionally visited well-preserved sites in Far North Queensland, I’d still heard discouraging reviews. Maybe this set lower expectations, but we found packed gardens of hard and soft coral, thriving fish communities, and reef structures larger than any we’d seen in the Maldives or Indonesia.

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Chelsay and I also did our first night dive. I didn’t take a video (you wouldn’t be able to see anything), but it was a bizarre experience. 20 feet under the surface, you’re surrounded by pitch black. Your body is moving forward, but you have no bearing of direction: am I swimming up or down? Left or right? Towards safety or into a shark?

Diving already feels like floating through space, but completely void of light, the experience is even more extra-terrestrial. We used flashlights sparingly, which illuminated some strange nocturnal sea life: a crown of thorns starfish, a giant five-foot potato cod, several moray eels, and a venomous lionfish. At one point, the instructor gathered Pete, Megan, Chelsay, and I in a circle and had us turn off our flashlights. She then swiped her hands toward the middle of the circle and, through the pitch black, blue specks floated through the void. Bioluminescent plankton had been illuminated by her movement.

This bioluminescent plankton was probably the most bizarre sea creature we saw, but it certainly had contenders. In our day-dives, we also saw a color-changing octopus, a flying feather starfish, a flat flounder (whose eyes can migrate from one side of their face to the other), several 5+ foot reef sharks, moray eels, giant clams, and a HUMAN-SIZED BARRACUDA! These fish probably had similar reviews of the four bizarre humans they saw:

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To wrap up this flipper-based section, I’d like to reiterate that we were 30 feet underwater for 6 hours in a 24 hour period. That’s a lot of time in a different world, but also a lot of time plodding a heavy metal tank along the bottom of the ocean… Based on the GBR’s vibrant colors and scale, unmatched anywhere else on Earth, I wish we could’ve been down there longer.

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Part 3: Shoes

Now comes the portion of the trip where we had to wear shoes, a real bummer until you consider the exciting destination: Daintree Rainforest.

Daintree is the oldest rainforest in the world, formed during the JURASSIC period 180 million years ago. Wait, WHAT!? Just read that sentence again. Dinosaurs first appeared ~220 million years ago, and went extinct 60 million years ago. For reference, the Amazon is only 50 million years old. That means Daintree saw the entire rise and fall of the DINOSAUR SPECIES, while the Amazon slept in & missed the whole thing.

Back to present day. The entrance to the park is a short ferry across the Daintree River. Let me paint a picture for you: here we are, four homo sapiens sitting on one-side of the prehistoric Daintree River, waiting for a ferry to take us into the National Park. I can’t even comprehend the scale of Earth’s history that stared back across that river. At some point in this forest’s life, a stegosaurus drank from this same water way. Meanwhile, I’m sitting in a Mitsubishi ASX, streaming the West Cork murder podcast from my iPhone. That stegosaurus was 60 million years too early to see a human, let alone our species’ invention of commerce, capitalism, the wheel, automobiles, satellites, the murder mystery genre, microchips, gorilla glass and every other advancement that made my existential reflection possible. This time scale is impossible to grasp, but the thought of a stegosaurus popping out onto the road felt like a real possibility in this prehistoric jungle.

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Moving on, I’d say our main activity while in Daintree was sweating. It wasn’t that hot (around 80), but the humidity had to be at 10,000%. We went on two different hikes and I was drenched no more than 10 steps in.

Our two hikes were Mossman Gorge and Jindalba, with the latter being a true jungle bush walk. Mossman was nice, and included some of the strangest vegetation I’d seen: massive buttress roots and vines so heavy that they choke the trees from which they hang.

That said, Mossman was pretty touristy (gift store, crowded parking lot, boardwalks), but Jindalba felt far more natural. We genuinely had to brace buttressed roots for grip along the red jungle floor, all the while on the lookout for massive bugs, leaches, wild pigs, and cassowaries.

Beyond the whole “age thing”, Daintree’s other unique trait is that it bumps directly against the Great Barrier Reef. Underwater and overwater jungles side-by-side. Our best views of the reef meeting the rainforest came at Cape Tribulation, where we used Pete & Megan’s drone to take in the stark blend of green treetops, white sand, and turquoise waters. When you look at the below picture, just remember how many bugs there are in the dense green part.

With the unique mix of rainforest vegetation and saltwater nutrients, Cape Trib also hosts several mangrove forests, where Daintree’s oldest living tenants call home: crocodiles. These salt water residents can grow up to 15 feet long, and have been roaming Daintree for its entire existence (again, 180 million years). Let me take a quick pause: I’m writing about Day 6 of our 10-day trip, and to this point, I’d only seen 1 or 2 crocs in my life – they were in zoos. Over the next 3.5 days though, I’d see at least 100.

That’s jumping ahead though. Our next stop in Daintree was Emmagen Creek. After Cape Trib, we were debating whether we should just head back to Port Douglas for dinner… and a shower. We were REALLY sweaty, but it was also only 3:00, so we guilted ourselves into one more walk. We’d read about the Emmagen Creek hike, but there just wasn’t much information available. For reference, this is probably the internet’s longest article about Daintree.

We traversed an unsealed road to the trailhead, and packed for the unknown: plenty of water, bug spray, sunscreen, and bathing suits just in case. With numerous croc warnings, we didn’t expect to swim, but there’s no harm in bringing suits.

We started down the trail, again without much information where we were going, and quickly realized the trail wasn’t as long as we expected. After just 10 minutes, we hit Emmagen Creek. There was a long rope swing hanging from the tree, and we arrived just as someone was Tarzan swinging into the creek. Shouldn’t we worry about crocs? There were other people hanging downstream, so I guess they’d be easier prey.

After hiking through 10,000% humidity, cooling off in the creek was the perfect way to end the day, and a welcome surprise given how little we knew about the hike. We played around on the rope swing: Chelsay did some cannonballs, Megan showed Olympic-level steeze, and I… took a different approach.

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We’d leave for our fourth Aussie ecosystem the next day, but not before stopping at Hartley’s Crocodile Farm to learn about Australia’s deadliest animal. Our guide had been doing croc shows for 30 years, and therefore quickly replaced Chelsay as the coolest person I know.

Some highlights from his show:

Aussie crocs have the strongest bite ever recorded – 3700 lbs/sq inch, compared to a lion’s bite of 1000 or a human’s bite of 150.

Australia’s most poisonous snake is an inland taipan – one drop of its venom could kill 250,000 mice or 100 humans.

Cassowaries are just velociraptors with feathers, and I'm glad we didn't see one in the wild.

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I’m glad we learned all this after our day in wild Daintree.

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Part 4: More shoes

Hartley’s taught us about Australia’s crocs, snakes, and spiders… And now I’ll never where sandals in Australia. That’s especially true in our next destination: Kakadu National Park.

At this point in our Aussie adventure, we’d visited some of the prettiest beaches in the world, the oldest rainforest ever, and the largest organic structure on Earth... Yet somehow, Kakadu might be the most impressive of the bunch.

It’s a land before time. I realize Daintree is much older, but Kakadu felt truly pre-historic. It’s half the size of Switzerland yet somehow only has two hotels, four gas stations, and two paved roads – the rest is just red dirt tracks! Only about 500 people live in the park (mostly Aboriginal), and they’re outnumbered 20:1 by crocodiles! Also, literally NO ONE I know has been there. Not even the Aussies. Maybe because the closest town is Darwin, a city closer to Malaysia than it is to Sydney.

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Kakadu really is unspoiled. Just pure, perfect, and pristine nature. That isn’t to say it’s untouched though. Aboriginal people have called Kakadu home for nearly 65,000 years... They just haven’t screwed it up. Kakadu’s Aboriginal residents live by the laws of nature, looking for subtle signs in their surroundings to guide their daily, seasonal, and annual activities.

A perfect example is their land management techniques. In 2018, California experienced devastating wildfires that resulted in $3.5 billion in damages. Forest fires spark a number of ways, but they’re really fuelled when the fire catches dead brush – then they become uncontrollable. To avoid the same destruction this year, the state has taken extensive measures to clean out brush before the upcoming dry season, including dispatching brush-eating goats. This is 2019… and the big solution is goats.

Aboriginal people have had this under control for thousands of years! And it all comes from listening to the seasons. In Kakadu’s Aboriginal calendar, there are six seasons. We happened to visit during the dopest season: Banggereng. Banggereng (known by Aboriginals as Knock Em Down season) is like spring: it’s at the tail-end of Kakadu’s wet season, when up to a third of the park is flooded in 3 feet of water, but it’s not quite dry season, where wildfires become a risk. That makes it the perfect time for controlled burns to clean out the brush and avoid larger, less controllable fires during dry season. The crafty Aboriginal people didn’t need goats… They just paid attention to the season and acted accordingly.

I took an important lesson from this lifestyle. Aborginal people have lived off of and through the land for 65,000 years. By my brief observations, they didn’t have video games, or Instagram, or many other modern complications. A lot of the people I saw didn’t even have shoes! And yet, their needs were met. They were content, and smiling, and happy.

Now, I’m happy almost all the time, but there will always be things that frustrate me: traffic, work, the wifi signal dropping. Seeing the Aboriginal people’s much simpler lifestyle, but equal happiness, gave me perspective. Miles and miles away from any wifi signals, there were much simpler connections available.

That was a great pun, but I’ve digressed. I’ve written an entire page about Kakadu and not a single word was about what we did there.

We arrived in Kakadu in the late afternoon, and our first activity was a two-hour sunset cruise through the Yellow Water Billabong. If there is one place that inspired the past 600 words about my love of Kakadu, it’s Yellow Water. Our cruise guide’s family has lived in Kakadu for generations, and she used her knowledge of the billabong to show us the abundance of life it supports:

The jacana or “Jesus bird”, who walks on water by lightly hopping from lotus to lotus. Fun fact: they also hide their chicks in their feathers. Chelsay got a shot of one family snuggled up.

The black-necked stork

White bellied sea eagle

Hella saltwater crocs, sneakily poking their eyes above water, or showing their teeth to intimidate the boat

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The scene was just incredible – so natural. Green grass filled the flood plains, ripples from the Jesus birds dotted the blue water, and the blazing red sun set under the horizon. Our guide’s commentary significantly enhanced the experience, as we learned how her family adapts to Kakadu’s divergent seasons and lives from the land. Because our sunset tour was around dinner time, her take on “living from the land” seemed especially food-focused: our guide would point at a bird or plant, then just talk about how she eats it – “We bop it on the head, stick in a ground oven, and let it cook.”

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Needless to say, we loved the billabong tour, and actually did the exact same tour the next morning for sunrise.

After touring a croc-infested creek, it only made sense to visit one of Kakadu’s most famous swimming holes: Gunlom. Obviously we’d done our research to make sure they were croc-free, but to quote the guy sitting next to me on the Darwin flight: “It’s not the crocs you see that get ya.”

Actually, before talking about Gunlom, I’ll quickly mention how lucky we’d timed our trip. Earlier, I wrote that we visited Kakadu during Bangarreng, the transitional period between wet & dry season. As previously stated, Bangerrang the dopest time of year, but it does come with some risks. As wet-season flood waters recede from the vast plains, roads slowly open and croc-inspections begin. There are 10,000 crocs in Kakadu and its half the size of Switzerland, so it takes the rangers a bit of time to give the All-Clear. I checked the park website and found Gunlom’s average opening was mid-May, but we were travelling at the end of April.

Lucky for us, it was an especially mild wet season, which meant Gunlom opened just in time. Pete, Megan, Chelsay, and I would be the Guinea pigs testing the water. Joking, the park rangers don’t mess around. There’s actually a TV show that follows Kakadu’s rangers around – like the Aussie version of Cops. “Bad crocs, bad crocs, whatcha gonna do?”

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The Gunlom Pools are nearly as famous as the park’s croc-fighting cops, and were featured in Crocodile Dundee (which only emphasizes how ‘Straya they are).

The pools sit above Gunlom Waterfall, and the views from the top were just stunning. A slow-moving creek tumbling between tiered pools, red stone walls sharply descending into the deep dark water, all with elevated views over the surrounding plains.

It was 95 degrees out, but our group stayed comfortable in the cool water. Things felt easy going here. Gunlom didn’t have an epic or ethereal feel – it was just an ideal natural setting to casually kick it: we had a bottle of wine with us, we were splashing around, just taking in the views. I’d consider living in this remote speck of Australia, forced to “bop” things on the head for food, just to relax in the Gunlom pools whenever I wanted (...and let my legs weirdly float up - see picture below).

Gunlom is in the south-western end of Kakadu, and our accommodation that night was way up in the north-eastern tip. To break up this big drive, we made a pit stop at Nourlangie Rock, one of many Aboriginal rock art sites in the park. These paintings document Aboriginal legends (e.g. the Lighting God, who brings the floods preceding Bangerrang) and life in the region over the past 20,000 YEARS. I might be misinterpreting the drawings, but it looks like they liked to party.

It was getting close to sunset, and I’m basic, so we visited nearby Nawurlandja Lookout to enjoy Kakadu’s natural nightly show. After a short hike, we perched ourselves atop a rocky outcrop, and quietly took in the kaleidoscope of colours changing above the Anbangbang floodplains. The cliffs of empty Arnhem Land glowed red in the distance, while Chelsay went all Annie Lebowitz with the camera.

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The next day was the last of our trip. We started with a morning hike to Mirai Lookout, before our long trip back to Darwin. With plenty of daylight left, we decided to stop in Litchfield National Park on the way up.

Litchfield is like Kakadu (swimming holes, crocs, etc), but a bit smaller & closer to Darwin. That said, it still has some stunning waterfalls, as we stopped at Wangi, Florence, and Tolmer Falls. While cooling off in our 17th swimming hole of the trip, Chelsay impressed some young’ns with her back flip abilities -- ”Still got it”. Later in Litchfield, our Manly fam also “captured” a few new Aussie Pokemon: two dingos and a water monitor.

Whew – made it! That was our 10-day Aussie adventure. This was a long post too: 4500 words.

I’m thinking about how to pull this all together, and I keep coming back to the fact that Chelsay and I are nearing the tail-end of our time in Australia. Plans are afoot & moves are being made, but I’ll save all this for a later post.

That just means this could be our last big Aussie escapade, and if so, it was a bucket-list adventure fitting for our final trip: four iconic Australian geographies, four distinct ecosystems, and a range of related footwear requirements. If this was our last adventure Down Unda, we went out with a bang(errang).

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a380flightdeck · 8 years ago

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Emirates A380 over Arabian Sea on Jan 7th 2017, wake turbulence sends business jet in uncontrolled descent.

An Emirates Airbus A380-800, registration A6-EUL performing flight EK-412 from Dubai (United Arab Emirates) to Sydney,NS (Australia), was enroute at FL350 about 630nm southeast of Muscat (Oman) and about 820nm northwest of Male (Maldives) at about 08:40Z when a business jet passed underneath in opposite direction. The A380 continued the flight to Sydney without any apparent incident and landed safely.

The business jet, a MHS Aviation (Munich) Canadair Challenger 604 registration D-AMSC performing flight MHV-604 from Male (Maldives) to Abu Dhabi (United Arab Emirates) with 9 people on board, was enroute at FL340 over the Arabian Sea about 630nm southeast of Muscat when an Airbus A380-800 was observed by the crew passing 1000 feet above. After passing underneath the A380 at about 08:40Z the crew lost control of the aircraft as result of wake turbulence from the A380 and was able to regain control of the aircraft only after losing about 10,000 feet. The airframe experienced very high G-Loads during the upset, a number of occupants received injuries during the upset. After the crew managed to stabilize the aircraft the crew decided to divert to Muscat (Oman), entered Omani Airspace at 14:10L (10:10Z) declaring emergency and reporting injuries on board and continued for a landing in Muscat at 15:14L (11:14Z) without further incident. A number of occupants were taken to a hospital, one occupant was reported with serious injuries. The aircraft received damage beyond repair and was written off.

Oman's Civil Aviation Authority had told Omani media on Jan 8th 2017, that a private German registered aircraft had performed an emergency landing in Muscat on Jan 7th 2017 declaring emergency at 14:10L (10:10Z) and landing in Muscat at 15:14L (11:14Z). The crew had declared emergency due to injuries on board and problems with an engine (a number of media subsequently reported the right hand engine had failed, another number of media reported the left hand engine had failed).

According to information on March 4th 2017 the CL-604 passed 1000 feet below an Airbus A380-800 while enroute over the Arabian Sea, when a short time later (1-2 minutes) the aircraft encountered wake turbulence sending the aircraft in uncontrolled roll turning the aircraft around at least 3 times (possibly even 5 times), both engines flamed out, the Ram Air Turbine could not deploy possibly as result of G-forces and structural stress, the aircraft lost about 10,000 feet until the crew was able to recover the aircraft exercising raw muscle force, restart the engines and divert to Muscat.

No radar data are available for the business jet, it is therefore unclear when the business jet departed from Male and where the actual "rendezvous" with the A380 took place. Based on the known time of the occurrence at 08:40Z as well as the time when the CL-604 reached Omani Airspace declaring emergency and landed in Muscat, as well as which A380s were enroute over the Arabian Sea around that time the most likely A380 was EK-412 and the "rendezvous" took place 630nm southeast of Muscat, which provides the best match of remaining flying time (2.5 hours) and distance for the CL-604 also considering rather strong northwesterly winds (headwind for the CL-604, tailwind for the A380s) - this analysis was confirmed on Mar 23rd 2017 by BFU information.

On Jan 7th 2017 there were also other A380-800s crossing the Arabian Sea from northwest to southeast: a Qantas A380-800, registration VH-OQJ performing flight QF-2 from Dubai to Sydney, was enrooted at FL330 about 1000nm southeast of Muscat and about 400nm northwest of Male at 08:40Z. An Emirates A380-800 registration A6-EDO performing flight EK-406 from Dubai to Melbourne, VI (Australia) was enrooted at FL350 about 470nm southeast of Muscat at 08:40Z. Another Emirates A380-800 registration A6-EUH performing flight EK-424 from Dubai to Perth, WA (Australia), was enrooted at FL350 about 350nm southeast of Muscat at 08:40z.

Air Traffic Control all around the globe have recently been instructed to exercise particular care with A380s crossing above other aircraft.

A number of Wake Turbulence Encounters involving A380s already reported:

Incident: Virgin Australia B738 near Bali on Sep 14th 2012, wake turbulence from A380 Incident: Air France A320 and Emirates A388 near Frankfurt on Oct 14th 2011, wake turbulence Accident: British Airways A320 and Qantas A388 near Braunschweig on Oct 16th 2011, wake turbulence injures 4 Report: Antonov A124, Singapore A388 and Air France B744 near Frankfurt on Feb 10th 2011, wake turbulence by A388 causes TCAS RA Report: REX SF34 at Sydney on Nov 3rd 2008, wake turbulence injures one Incident: Armavia A320 near Tiblisi on Jan 11th 2009, turbulence at cruise level thought to be A380 wake

On Mar 18th 2017 an EASA safety information bulletin released stating:

With the increase of the overall volume of air traffic and enhanced navigation precision, wake turbulence encounters in the en-route phase of flight above 10 000 feet (ft) mean sea level (MSL) have progressively become more frequent in the last few years.

The aim of this SIB is to enhance the awareness of pilots and air traffic controllers of the risks associated with wake turbulence encounters in the en-route phase of flight and provide recommendations with the purpose of mitigating the associated risks.

The draft reasons:

The basic effects of wake turbulence encounter on a following aeroplane are induced roll, vertical acceleration (can be negative) and loss or gain of altitude. The greatest danger is an induced roll that can lead to a loss of control and possible injuries to cabin crew and passengers. The vortices are also most hazardous to following aircraft during the take-off, initial climb, final approach and landing.

However, en-route, the vortices evolves in altitudes at which the rate of decay leads to a typical persistence of 2-3 minutes, with a sink rate of 2-3 metres per second. Wakes will also be transported by wind.

Considering the high operating air speeds in cruise, wake can be encountered up to 25 nautical miles (NM) behind the generating aeroplane, with the most significant encounters reported within a distance of 15 NM. This is larger than in approach or departure phases of flight.

The encounters are mostly reported by pilots as sudden and unexpected events. The awareness of hazardous traffic configuration and risk factors is therefore of particular importance to anticipate, avoid and manage possible wake encounters. The draft issues following recommendations.

As precautionary measures, operators and pilots should be aware that:

- As foreseen in Reg. 965/2012 AMC1 to CAT.OP.MPA.170, the announcement to passengers should include an invitation to keep their seat belts fastened, even when the seat belt sign is off, unless moving around the cabin. This minimises the risk of passenger injury in case of a turbulence encounter en-route (wake or atmospheric).

- As indicated in ICAO PANS-ATM, for aeroplanes in the heavy wake turbulence category or for Airbus A380-800, the word “HEAVY” or “SUPER”, respectively, shall be included immediately after the aeroplane call sign in the initial radiotelephony contact between such aeroplanes and ATS units.

- When possible, contrails should be used to visualise wakes and estimate if their flight path brings them across or in close proximity.

- When flying below the tropopause altitude, the likelihood of wake encounter increases. The tropopause altitude varies (between days, between locations).

- Upwind lateral offset should be used if the risk of a wake encounter is suspected.

- Timely selecting seat belt signs to ‘ON’ and instruct cabin crew to secure themselves constitute precautionary measures in case of likely wake encounters.

In case of a wake encounter, pilots should:

- Be aware that it has been demonstrated during flight tests that if the pilot reacts at the first roll motion, when in the core of the vortex, the roll motion could be amplified by this initial piloting action. The result can be a final bank angle greater than if the pilot would not have moved the controls.

- Be aware that in-flight incidents have demonstrated that pilot inputs may exacerbate the unusual attitude condition with rapid roll control reversals carried out in an “out of phase” manner.

- Be aware that if the autopilot is engaged, intentional disconnection can complicate the scenario, and the autopilot will facilitate the recovery.

- Avoid large rudder deflections that can create important lateral accelerations, which could then generate very large forces on the vertical stabiliser that may exceed the structural resistance. Although some recent aircraft types are protected by fly-by-wire systems, use of the rudder does not reduce the severity of the encounter nor does it improve the ease of recovery.

- Make use of specific guidance available through AOM for their specific type(s)/fleet.

ATS providers and air traffic controllers should:

Enhance their awareness about en-route wake turbulence risk, key factors and possible mitigations, based on the information provided in this document and other relevant material. This could be achieved through flyers, e-learning, and refresher training module.

Possible risk mitigations may consist of:

- Make use of the wake turbulence category (WTC) indication in the surveillance label and/or the flight progress strip (whether electronic or paper), and observe closely separated aeroplanes that are at the opposite extremes of the WTC spectrum;

- As the best practice, provide traffic information, advising “CAUTION WAKE TURBULENCE”, when you identify that a ‘HEAVY’ or ‘SUPER HEAVY’ wake category traffic is climbing or descending within 15 NM of another following traffic;

- Manage en-route traffic crossings such as , when possible while preserving safe tactical management of overall traffic in the sector, avoiding to instruct climb or descend to ‘HEAVY’ or ‘SUPER HEAVY’ traffic within 15 NM distance from another following traffic;

- If at all possible, avoid vectoring an aeroplane (particularly if it is LIGHT or MEDIUM category) through the wake of a HEAVY or SUPER HEAVY aeroplane where wake turbulence may exist.

#Airbus A380 #a380flightdeck

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ericfruits · 7 years ago

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Synthetic fuels could help low-carbon aviation take off

READERS OF The Economist are a well-travelled lot. Many of them will be aware, perhaps slightly guiltily, that one of the biggest personal contributions to climate change is all that jet-setting. On average, each person on Earth going about their normal business produces the equivalent of five tonnes of CO2 a year. But a single transatlantic round trip produces the equivalent of about one tonne per passenger even in economy class.

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For some, the problem with global warming is the idea that they may have to change their behaviour to fight it, not just by recycling or eating more seasonal food but by, heaven forbid, forgoing that holiday in Gstaad or the Maldives. Eventually zero-carbon technology may be able to avert some of those difficult sacrifices, by combining green-hydrogen production with a way of sucking CO2 out of the atmosphere to make synthetic fuels. This is currently very expensive, but it could help low-carbon aviation to take off.

On current trends, air-passenger numbers are expected to double within the next 20 years, mostly because of growth in Asia. That could push up today’s emissions of 1bn tonnes of CO2 a year to at least 1.7bn tonnes, mostly from long-haul flights. The International Air Transport Association, an industry group, has pledged to halve emissions by 2050. Airlines are developing more efficient aircraft to lower their emissions, some with more success than others (see chart). But it is not enough.

Batteries and hydrogen fuel cells are already finding their way into light aircraft for short trips, but they are too heavy or too bulky to propel a jetliner on a long flight. Instead, biofuels or synthetic fuels that combine clean hydrogen and CO2 could be used as “drop-in” fuels in existing engines.

In Finland a former oil refiner called Neste has made biofuels from the waste products of slaughtered cows and pigs. It has dropped small quantities of them into the fuel systems of Boeing Dreamliners. But the availability of all biofuels, even those from energy crops, is constrained by the shortage of land to produce raw materials sustainably. At Finland’s Lappeenranta University of Technology researchers are looking at synthetic fuels as an alternative. Christian Breyer says that if electrolysis were used in places with abundant renewable resources, such as the Atacama Desert in Chile, hydrogen could be produced cleanly at low cost.

To turn it into aviation fuel, he suggests siting the electrolysers near plants extracting CO2 from the air—a process known as Direct Air Capture (DAC). The gas would be converted into carbon monoxide and combined with hydrogen using the 100-year-old Fischer-Tropsch process that is used to make liquid fuels, all powered by renewable energy. The fuel could be refined into kerosene and other products, such as diesel for marine transportation and naphtha for use in the chemicals industry. When burned, there would be no net addition of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere. “It would work like nature,” says Dr Breyer.

Unfortunately DAC is the most nascent of nascent technologies. Yet it is attracting the attention of influential promoters such as Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft. Initially it was conceived as a way to reduce the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere; if a captured CO2 molecule can be burned again to keep people flying, at least it does not add to the overall stock.

The firm backed by Mr Gates is Carbon Engineering, based in Canada, that has run a DAC pilot project since 2015 that is capable of extracting one tonne of CO2 per day, and has produced synthetic fuels since 2017. Another firm is Climeworks of Switzerland. Estimates have suggested the DAC technology can cost up to $600 per ton of CO2 removed, but in a recent paper in Joule, an energy journal, Geoffrey Holmes of Carbon Engineering and others argue that costs can be below $100 per ton if done at scale.

Mr Holmes says the company has borrowed and modified tested technologies to ensure that it is not reinventing the wheel. The pilot plant sucks in lots of air using a modified version of cooling-tower technology, and draws it through corrugated sheets of plastic sprayed with a hydroxide solution. The CO2 absorbs into a liquid film to form a carbonate solution which goes through a pellet reactor, using chemistry common in water treatment, to form calcium carbonate pellets “like hailstones” that molecularly bind the CO{-2} for further processing. These pellets are heated to 900ºC in a high-temperature reactor to produce calcium oxide and CO2. The heating process can be fired by natural gas and both the atmospheric CO2 and that from combustion can be gathered and used.

The carbon thus captured does not have to be turned back into fuel; it could simply be buried. This is one of several ways of removing carbon dioxide out of the air for good. They include producing biomass such as forests, burning wood to generate electricity and capturing and sequestering the CO2. A report by America’s National Academy of Sciences says that even the cheapest negative-emissions technologies such as biomass with CCS are still too limited in scale to make a big dent in atmospheric CO2. A study by Britain’s Royal Society and Royal Academy of Engineering said a carbon price of $100 a tonne may be needed to make most negative-emissions projects feasible. The danger is that policymakers will delay curbing emissions now in the hope of being able to remove large amounts of greenhouse gases from the air in the future. In fact, both are needed on a massive scale.

This article appeared in the Technology Quarterly section of the print edition under the headline "Flying in formation"

#IFTTT #Feedly

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infernal-iris · 8 years ago

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ABC Tag

I was tagged by @barbiebrival, thank you so much! <3

RULES: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to 10 people.

A - AGE: 14 i’m still a baby in the womb compared to everyone else :’D

B - BIGGEST FEAR: I hate the dark and lots of gore. I’m also really claustrophobic ho ho ho

C - CURRENT TIME: 00:23 or 12:23 PM

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: I think it was Coca Cola from Burger King

E - EVERY DAY STARTS WITH: Checkin’ mah phone for any new messages or DL news and getting my ass ready for school since i tend to oversleep ughh

F - FAVORITE SONG: Right now? Uhhhhh...Ozzie - IDNY and Twenty One Pilots - Heathens.

G - GHOSTS, ARE THEY REAL?: I’m torn honestly, they might be real but on the other hand, editing and fake videos exist

H - HOMETOWN: Skopje, Macedonia (a smol country in Europe ayy where my European girls at??)

I - IN LOVE WITH: KING OF DEEP VOICES CARLA TSUKINAMI no one at the moment, I have a lil crush at school tho

J - JEALOUS OF - A lot of people honestly, but mostly at the girls I see that eat a fucking TON each day but never seem to gain weight WTF and rich people, they have everything that I wish I could have *sniff* and Japanese people too for knowing Japanese, ughh I want to know Japanese because I want to play DL sooo bad

K - KILLED SOMEONE: …Not yet hehe~

L - LAST TIME YOU CRIED: A few hours ago after reading part 4 of Ayato’s Lost Eden summary :’(

M - MIDDLE NAME: Don’t have one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: I have an older sister, soo 1 sibling

O - ONE WISH: I want to make everyone in the world rich, world hunger is saved and there will be no more economic problems in the world ever. If not that, maybe a machine or something that will make you hot in an instant, i’m talkin’ about getting abs and huge boobs without moving a muscle XD or learning japanese to finally play DL muahaha

P - PERSON YOU LAST CALLED/TEXTED: Last texted my friend Theodora from class and last video called my sis Sarah

Q - QUESTION YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKED: Which high school will you be going to? and Why aren’t you wearing a bra that often? because I don’t want to you nosy hoe

R - REASON TO SMILE: For me? I usually smile while thinking of my family or when I remember good moments in my life :) But I also smile when I see new DL content or I just smile while i’m on my computer, not worrying about life lol

S - SONG LAST SANG: The Weeknd - Might Not and Rihanna - Disturbia

T - TIME YOU WAKE UP: Monday to Friday-7:30 AM and on the weekend it depends, sometimes i oversleep because I stay up late but today i woke up at 11 AM.

U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: At the moment? They are plain white.

V - VACATION DESTINATION: I want to travel the entire world honestly, but at the moment I want to go to Italy, Argentina or the Maldives and stay at the fanciest hotels with five stars yeah i wish, i’m poor af

W - WORST HABIT: Yeah, I bite my nails too and I’m often scolded about it, and I feel guilty about a lot of things too often, like not giving that beggar kid some money that one time. Or I just tend to sit on my computer for too long idk if that’s a habit tho

X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: My ankle which I thought was twisted one time in the summer, but thank god it wasn’t anything serious because we needed to go on vacation in Greece in like, a week at that time! 😲

Y - YOUR FAVORITE FOOD: I eat a lot of food honestly, but my favorite foods are french fries and ice cream. I also really love chocolate milk and Milka Oreo (it’s a type of chocolate)! 😊

Z - ZODCIAC SIGN: ♌ Leo is my star sign, ♏ Scorpio is my moon sign and in the Chinese zodiac I’m a horse 🐎

I tag... @diabolik-misaki, @fyeahdialovers, @totallydiabolik, @diabolicalvixen, @silk-stockingshrew, @diaboliktheories, @lizzy-allen-g, @rageful666potato, @jokertrap-ran, @natacular @midnightnico @k0torisan and anyone who sees this, whether you’re s follower or not, can do this tag if they wish because I want to get to know all of you! 😊

#tag #tag game #mine #abc tag #text post

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jacewilliams1 · 5 years ago

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Is software enough to keep pilots safe?

I am a pilot. I am not a software engineer or software writer. That said, I use software like everyone else in just about everything I use every day. As pilots, we are all to familiar with the problems on the Boeing 737 MAX. We are being told that faulty software is the cause. Yes, there were or could have been problems with the pilot training, but Boeing is re-writing the software and when complete, the problem will go away and the aircraft will be safe. Or will it?

Airbus is having an issue as we speak with the A350. In a mandatory airworthiness directive (AD) reissued in July 2019, EASA urged operators to turn their A350s off and on again to prevent “partial or total loss of some avionics systems or functions.”

This must be done at exactly 149 hours.

In 2015, the Boeing 787 suffered a similar yet different problem. A memory overflow bug was discovered that caused the generators to shut themselves down after 248 days of continual power-on operation.

These are just a couple of the latest incidents that are occurring on our newest generation of aircraft. Why are we having these computer-related problems?

I have been doing some research and believe me, it is hard—very hard—to sift through the BS on this subject.

You can test a wing until it breaks. How about software?

In the “old days,” testing was straightforward. As an example, many of us have seen the video of the wing bending on the original Boeing 747. Straightforward. You bend something until it breaks, do it again and again, and you then have a pretty good idea of when it will break. If it is well within the limits you set, you are good to go.

You cannot bend or break software. So, what do you do? You put it through testing that some people consider industry standard and others don’t. Here is what I found for a description on testing.

The definition of software testing, according to the ANSI/IEEE 1059 standard is, “A process of analyzing a software item to detect the differences between existing and required conditions (i.e., defects) and to evaluate the features of the software item.”

Makes sense to me. Let me give you an example. I have a cell phone. It is full of software. How many times must I turn it on and off before it will fail? Will it always fail the same way? Will my model of phone fail for me and you at the same time? We cannot answer these questions. With the bending wing, we can, and we have a very good idea that, at a point in the bending process, the wing will fail.

Software is not a wing. It is a code written for a unit it will help operate. Specifically, source code is made up of the numerous lines of instructions that software programmers write to create all software applications. Once the source code is written, it is compiled into a machine-readable program which is installed on a computer as an application.

So how is it tested so that we are as sure as possible that it will not fail, or we know exactly when it will fail and we can replace it before that time?

There is manual testing, automation testing, static testing and dynamic testing. Then there are approaches to testing like white box, black box and gray box. Finally, there testing levels. They are unit testing, integration testing, system testing, and acceptance testing. This is all very impressive, but it still doesn’t tell me how long that unit will run on the software and why exactly it will fail, like the wing will fail.

So why does software fail? Here is some of what I found on that subject.

Lack of user participation

Changing requirements

Unrealistic or unarticulated project goals

Inaccurate estimates of needed resources

Badly defined system requirements

Poor reporting of the project’s status

Lack of resources

Unmanaged risks

This is all very reassuring. I mentioned that I am a pilot and not a programmer. Given this, how do I know that the software testing that goes into an aircraft is more complete than that which goes into a cell phone? I have no way of knowing that. If a hydraulic pump on an aircraft engine fails, it is sent out and bench tested. A fault is found, and a directive is issued so that all other pumps can be inspected and fixed. All the operators who use those pumps are notified. It is a simple and time-tested procedure.

How do you know when some of that software fails?

Does a software failure on one aircraft necessarily mean that item will fail on all aircraft? With the hydraulic pump we know that things such as temperature, lubrication, vibration, and other factors can cause the failure. How so with software? We are in a highly regulated business. Software and the people who write it are not. They are, for the most part, self-regulated. Once you are a certified as a software engineer, you can write for anyone who will hire you.

Just look at how often the “check engine” light illuminates on a car or truck. That is a computer program. From what I can find out, there is not much more that goes into the software for an aircraft as there is that vehicle.

How often are we faced with software failures in aviation? I suggest that we do not have a clue. Unlike the pump, a software problem can go unreported. With a software failure, maintenance usually just does a reset and the problem goes away and then may or may not reappear. I for one do not believe that we keep a complete record of these small failures. I have experienced it firsthand and I saw the reaction of both my company and the manufacturer.

In one case I was flying an Airbus. On descent, I was about to level at 10,000 feet. I was hand flying the aircraft with the auto-throttles off. I moved the throttles forward and got no response. At that point, I was cleared to 9000 ft. I told the first officer to check for a problem quickly. Everything was in the right place. Everything.

Nothing I could do restored my control of engine power. I was cleared to 7000 feet and I knew that I would be staying there for some time. It was night and the weather was 400 overcast and I was nowhere near an airport I could glide to. At 7000 ft. I purposely let the speed decay to what is known on the Airbus as Alpha Floor. This is a computer program that Airbus installed so that the aircraft could not be stalled (not at all like Boeing’s MCAS). When Alpha Floor is reached, the aircraft is programed to go into TOGA thrust (take off and go-around). My hope was that if a computer glitch got me into this predicament, then the computer might just get me out of it. It did. The aircraft responded as it was supposed to, and everything was restored, and we landed without incident.

On landing I pulled the cockpit voice recorder and flight data recorder tapes and maintenance removed them. I did all that was required for such an incident and went to the hotel.

I was a commuter and when I returned home the next day, my wife was on the phone and told me it was for me. It was my company and Airbus in Toulouse, France. There was a great deal of concern over the incident—as there should have been. In the end, my company sent all the tapes to Airbus to investigate, they did not report it to the regulatory authorities and Airbus did a software change to all their aircraft using that system.

In 1984, I was flying between Dubai and Male, Maldives. I was flying a DC-8 and we had an Omega navigation system on board. It had just been installed and I had never used one before. At exactly the second that the sun broke the horizon that morning, the aircraft started to turn off track. The Omega was driving the autopilot at the time. If I had allowed it to continue, it would have kept turning. I found out later that there was shielding missing in the computer unit that caused this anomaly.

On the Boeing 747-200, some of the autopilots would suddenly and dramatically go into roll mode. I had this happen while flying to Paris one night. It happened to a Taiwanese flight flying from New York to Taipei. The aircraft rolled over onto its back at FL 390 and the crew did not regain control until around FL 170.

When all of these start going off, is it a real emergency or just a computer bug?

And one more. On my second to last flight before retirement, I was flying the polar route to Hong Kong. At about 50 miles past the North Pole, we began to get master caution warnings. “Smoke in the Lavatory,” “Cargo Compartment Smoke,” and the very worst one on an Airbus: “Electrical Smoke or Fire.” These warnings came every seven minutes and before we could react, the warning disappeared from the screen. This went on for the rest of the flight. I contacted my company via sat phone, and they got Airbus on the line. Airbus told me, yes, there is a problem with the warning computer, and they are aware of it. There is a fix coming out in two weeks. Software fix.

These are just the problems I have had. Multiply this by the number of “electric” aircraft we have in the air and the number of problems will be staggering.

Who can you trust, what can you trust?

Ask yourself this. Why do we need all this fly-by-wire and many other computer systems? Let’s face it, manual flight control systems for a pilot are much more intuitive and user-friendly. You can feel an aircraft when flying manual controls but there is no feel in fly by wire. We have all this computer equipment because it is lighter and saves money. Weight is money and airlines love it. Aircraft are designed by engineers and technicians and not by pilots. Yes, they do ask our opinion, but do they really incorporate it into the final design? Very little. The bottom line drives all of this and nothing more.

As pilots we should know what kind of testing is being done on software, who does it and what the expectations of it are. Again, it is up to the regulators to do their job, but I fear as I see what is happening with the MAX, they will allow economics to be the big winner.

I am about to leave flying for good. Many of you on the other hand are just starting. It behooves you to look deeply into this problem as it will probably affect you for the rest of your career.

The post Is software enough to keep pilots safe? appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2020/03/is-software-enough-to-keep-pilots-safe/

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