#Posting anyway bc it did take awhile to do... oh well. Might as well show the effort even if I'm ehhh. Maybe someone else will enjoy?

[freezinglemur]

"Loving Memory"

You hold so much in your memory. Some of those memories are not yours. To those you love, and the promise to never forget them— You hold those the closest. They are yours. They are a promise you made. You do your best to ease the hurt you know they've been through.

Your family, your friends, your partners; Love is many things: Philia, Storge, Eros, Ludus, Pragma, Agape-- And many more in ways words in no language at all can express. And so you love with everything you can.

[actual-fucking-clown]

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

~

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this. 

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them. 

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems. 

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered. 

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough. 

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon. 

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown. 

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile. 

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it  but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless. 

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke. 

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent.  A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too. 

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I  don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

[princess-from-another-galaxy]

hiii, i really don’t know who to go to for expressing on how i feel about lucas's scandal on here & since i saw you first on here about his scandal, i really hope you don’t mind reading on me ranting/expressing! i would appreciate it sm plsss <3

ok well firstly, i do wanna say that at first it was so hard to believe about all of these rumors, accusations or whatnot about lucas - even tho he & sm apologized about it which had me thinking that this might be true sadly :( but tbh i am having so many mixed feelings on this - confused, hurt, disappointed, sad, betrayed & many more i can't express enough!! :( </3

i've been a lumi for quite awhile now & stan him sm & i genuinely do like, adore & admire him due to his caring nature he gives to us lumis & others. lucas really do seem like a genuine person - just by interacting with him on bubble (lysn) & watching his videos & everything. he's always the type to show & give love to others & interacted with us fans so genuinely & truly. his character is just so lovely imo & after hearing his scandal, i just thought how? how is this true? that boy wouldn't even hurt a bug to be doing this? he doesn't seem like the type who would manipulate & use someone for the sake of his own pleasure. the reason i'm saying this is bc the way he interact with fans & his members, staffs etc. & their honest thoughts/opinions on him, it was all good thoughts/opinions of him. nothing negative or bad.... :/

also i do want to add & say that i do not know lucas personally nor know how he is as a person but based on my own observations from what i said above, it's really hard to even believe that lucas, who is such a soft & caring guy, would do all this to the girls :( like whuut..?

like half of me is telling me this may be true and the other half of me is saying no, this might also be fake & even if he really did do this, there has to be a reason behind it all right!? i'm really the type to believe that anyone who chooses to do such things has to have a valid reason regardless on how bad or good of a person they are. ig i'm the type to not jump into conclusions or assume right away or believe anything so easily. i always want to hear from the person directly out first & then analyze the whole situation after before coming to a final conclusion that oh, whatever they're just an a**hole. forget it but what else am i to say.. lucas apologized publicly so.. *cries*

we never really know what happened behind closed doors between lucas & those girls & knowing how strict the kpop industry is, we don’t know what orders or whatnot that kpop idols have to go thru whenever a scandal comes up

anyways, about everything.. i am truly heartbroken & devastated. also, why do i have a feeling that maybe lucas was going thru a hard time at the time & probably felt overwhelmed by everything & needed someone to comfort him?? idk for sure but let me wear his shoes..... the fact that he chose to be with these girls, who use to be a fan of him from what the scandal says, maybe he trusted them at first then things escalated into something more which probably made them all uncomfortable? IDK i do not want to come off as if i was there & knew what happened fr like I AM JUST TRYING TO PUT MYSELF IN HIS SHOES (don't come @ me pls) ;(

but then again, it's reality & that maybe all of this could be true unless they do gather more evidence & investigate further more that it's not. (which idk if it will happen..) i really do feel bad & sad for him... c-fans are wanting him out of NCT/WAYV & tbh it will never be the same without him if he does get out or leave.. it hurts to see these comments/posts that he does not belong in the group & that he deserve to rot & calling him names etc. it's painful to read it honestly.. pls stop

lastly, whatever it is that lucas is going thru rn, i hope he comes out of this dark place & take all his past experiences/mistakes & learn from it to better himself toward his future. i wish for all the good things to come to him bc i truly believe in him that he will have a better & brighter future & life ahead waiting for him. hate me or whatnot & call me stupid or delusional but i forgive lucas & his past experiences. he was just young at the time, probably lost & confused & didn't know how to control himself. i will continue to stan/support him regardless of his past that just surfaced just now. he deserves a second chance & i believe in giving ppl second chances no matter what <3 spread love, not hate. life is short to hold onto past grudges so i rather forgive & move on & forward. with love, i wish him (& ofc everyone else reading this) a stable & happy life ahead. things probably suck now but they really do get better over time. 💞

ok, that's all. thnx for reading! ❤❤❤ (brb crying, i am getting emotional all of a sudden AHHHH) :'(

Bestie, your message was so long I thought you were the one that was going to come at me lol 😅

I feel everything you said!! It's true that we don't know him, but we do have critical thinking skills, and everything the girls (and now a guy!) have been saying sound clearly fake (and many have been proven to be fake), so we have the right to be skeptical.

And personally unless an investigation proves them to be true, I don't really believe them.

Idk if you've seen the new rumor of a man claiming to be Lucas ex (saying he's bisexual and that Lucas was "proud to have lost his virginity at 13"), saying that he believes the girls. This entire story keeps becoming more and more messy, like a bad season of a tv show, and I'm not really buying any of it....

(sidenote: if he really is bisexual, I'll be really proud of him and super supportive, but if it's true it makes me so sad that he was outed like that)

Don't cry!! I'm here if you need anything!! Stay strong!! And if you need stay off the internet for your mental healths sake 💜💜

[babybakuu]

falling for you

Pairings: Kaminari Denki x Reader

Warnings: bad puns and minimal cursing

Word count: 1452

A/N: i wrote this awhile ago and never posted it bc i didnt like it?? i reread it and decided to share it anyways lmao,, enjoy!! 

You never thought you were the type to accept random date invites from guys off of the streets but when a goofy looking blonde falls for you (literally- he fell in front of you and you were concerned the poor boy had a concussion) you accept the offer. 

He’s walking your direction inside of the coffee shop, eyes fixated on his phone rehearsing the order in his mind, when he comes crashing down in front of you. You’re out of your seat in seconds, couching down next to the sprawled out boy, concern filling your face. “Are you okay?”

“Ow- fuck, yeah I’m fine-” His eyes meet yours a for a moment he’s awestruck. Your pretty eyes, your cute furrowed eyebrows, and your oh-so-sweet voice had him frozen. Were you a Princess? A model? An angel sent from the heavens above? Or a beauty sent to assassinate him but you had to gain his trust first and then you two slowly fall in love over the hard obstacles and life threatening situations you would soon be thrown into? Yeah. He was pretty sure it was the last one. He’s sitting there for a minute still listing off the multiple possibilities in his mind but wait, your lips were moving- did you ask him something? “Sorry. What did you say?” He asks. 

“I said, you hit your head pretty hard- are you sure you’re okay?” You repeat. A big dumb smile spreads across his face as he gives you a thumbs up. “Never been better sweetheart.” But sudden realization hits him he gasps. “Oh my god.” 

“What?” You question genuinely concerned. “Is something broken? Are you in pain? Do I need to call a-” You’re cut off by the sound of him laughing. He’s still on the floor but he’s clutching his sides and tears brimming from the corner of his eyes while he cackles like a madman- you were pretty sure he had a concussion. “I guess you can say..” He’s talking in between giggles and his smile on his face becomes infectious. “I guess you can say I fell for you.” 

A collective groan erupts from the onlookers and now, you’re laughing too. “You’re an idiot.” You extend a hand, he takes it, and you help him back up on his feet. 

“Actually, I’m Kaminari. Nice to meet you.” He gives your hand a firm shake and that big dumb smile on his face doesn’t wipe off. 

“(Y/N).” You reply. Suddenly his expression falls and his hands dart to his pockets- he’s frantically looking for something. “Did you drop something?” You question, eyes searching the floor. 

“Yeah, my jaw because you’re drop dead gorgeous.” A playful smack lands on his arm and it’s your turn to giggle like a schoolgirl.

“You sure you didn’t get a concussion back there?” 

“Pretty sure.” He smiles. “Let me buy you a drink as a thanks for helping me?” You eyes automatically roll. 

“All I did was pull you up off the floor.” 

“How about a pastry then, one as sweet as you?” 

“No thanks, I’m okay-” 

“Just accept his offer already!” Someone from across the coffee shop yells. There’s a few collective yeah’s and nods all around and your cheeks flush a soft pink. “Let’s give them what they want shall we?” He questions, taking your hand into his and placing a small kiss on top of it. You don’t let it show but you’re pretty much a big ball of mush at this point. 

“I’ll be waiting here.” You jerk your thumb in the direction of the table behind you where your coffee and belongings lay. 

“Perfect. I’ll make sure not to fall for you a second time.” The corners of your mouth are turning upwards and your heart skips a beat. How charming could one man be? You’re in your seat and after a few minutes he’s in front of you with a tray of coffee and 1 chocolate pastry which he eagerly sides your way. “All those for you, lover boy?” He cocks an eyebrow at the sudden nickname but it doesn’t phase him- if anything it makes him happy. 

“On the coffee run for the agency.”

“Oh? Agency?” You take a bite of the pastry, it really was sweet. 

“You know Red Riot and Ground Zero?” He questions taking a sip of his hot drink. You nod. “These are for them.” 

“Name dropping are we?” 

“Is it working?” 

“Not really.” 

“Hmm.” He’s sitting there, his index finger tapping his chin. “What if I told you I have a really, really, REALLY, big..” He takes another sip of his coffee for emphasis and you’re sitting there with an eyebrow raised. “..dog.” 

“Now you’ve piqued my interest.” He chuckles and that smile on his face hasn’t faltered once. Was he always this happy? This charming? “Tell me more.” 

“Nuh uh- your turn. Tell me something about yourself.” He’s leaning in towards you, his ears perked to hear every word, and his hands are laced together, head resting on the back of them. 

“I have a thing for blondes.” 

“Oh? Just your luck, last time I checked I’m a blonde.” 

It continues like this for the next hour- the back and forth flirting, the laughs that made your sides hurt, and the firing off of questions and answers. You learned a lot about him in that short hour, for example

1. He really did have a big dog. He always referred to Mochi as his ‘Sweet Little Plump Princess’. 

2. He was a Hero and often worked with Red Riot and Ground Zero. It was kind of cute he had a group photo of them as his screensaver. 

3. He liked to zap his coffee because it gave it an extra kick and his tongue a little tingle. He offered to do it to your drink but you politely declined.

4. He sings very well in the shower and you were invited to see his performance live and honestly, you just might take him up on his offer.

5. He pours his milk first and then his cereal??? When you called him a monster and he actually looked hurt for a moment?? You felt no remorse. 

When his phone rings and you can hear someone on the other line practically screaming. “Ground Zero.” He mouths pointing to the phone. “He probably needs my help saving an entire city again. Sigh, they really can’t do anything without-” More incoherent yelling comes from the phone and he excuses himself to the bathroom, a sheepish smile appearing on his face. You find yourself missing his big smile in the now empty seat in front of you.

He’s back now after ten minutes, phone tucked into his pocket, and that warm smile nowhere to be found. “Sorry to say sweetheart but the city needs saving and Ground Zero needs his coffee.” The disappointment on your face is evident. He was funny, cute, and sweet. When you had this much fun with a stranger  “How about you give me your number and if you ever need saving you can give me a call?” He holds out his phone in his hand across from the table and for a moment you see an expression other than that grin on his face. Was he holding his breath? Was he nervous?

“How many times have you used that line?” You laugh taking his phone and punching in your number. He instantly relaxes and that big smile returns. 

“Twice.” 

This time your face falls and your nose crinkles. Well, at least he’s honest.

“The first time was when I was practicing in the mirror 8 minutes ago and the second time was like 15 seconds ago.” 

“Is that why you took so long in the bathroom?” You’re holding back a laugh and a smile can be found on your face again. He nods. “Don’t look now but that’s also the guy at table number 6’s number.” You look anyways and the guy at table 6 was staring in your direction, his face turns a bright red when he notices he got caught. Ah, had he fallen for his charms just like you did? “He’s handsome, I’d go for it.” 

“Should I book a restaurant reservation for 3 tonight?” 

“Maybe for 2.” You reply. “Not sure if I want to intrude on your date.” 

He gasps dramatically. “What’s more important than dinner and entertainment?” 

“You never mentioned anything about entertainment?” 

“Only the world’s best for you baby. I got you front row tickets to Kaminari’s famous shower concert.” This time you gasp. 

“I guess I have to go then!” 

“6 o’clock and we’ll leave out bathroom boy?” He smiles.

“6 o’clock and we leave out the bathroom boy.” 

[unlockthelore]

catch me, won’t you?

Part 6 of Know-It-All a.k.a the modern AU snippet series that no one asked for. To find other parts of the series, follow the know-it-all tag.

shijimeikme#1231 — direct message with nenehime#1113

nenehime AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

shijimeikme what is it I’m studying

nenehime are you really studying??? (¯―¯٥)

shijimeikme fair

shijimeikme what is it

nenehime I’m coming over

shijimeikme okay??? but the screaming ( ¬_¬)

nenehime i messed up

shijimeikme bad enough that you gotta scream???

shijimeikme did you text aoi???

nenehime no not yet she’ll do the thing

shijimeikme the protective best friend thing where she defers to murder first?

nenehime it’s almost scary that you know that

shijimeikme been hanging out with u guys long enough

shijimeikme alright ima clean up, tell me what happened

Nene was hard pressed to stay where she was while waiting for Amane to wake up. The sides of her phone case pressing uncomfortably into her palms as she gripped it tight enough that she could hear the plastic cracking. A slight fumble to keep from breaking it resulting in her phone smacking against her face and only Amane’s soft huff reminding her not to groan in pain. The throbbing on her forehead reminding her of the contrast, his lips soft as they brushed against her skin, leaving a kiss that was quickly drowned out as he sang the last line.

Looking her in the eye.

Just like —

She wanted to scream or kick out her legs or do something. Staring out the window as the evening sunlight slanted through, lightening the dark blue curtains and running over the carpet to the edge of Amane’s bed. His arm loosened its grip around her waist and Nene could move a bit easier but she stayed where she was. As much as she wanted to rant and rage, she found herself just laying there. Looking around the room and memorizing every inch of it.

His telescope in the corner.

A number of books on his shelf, rearranged in sequence, with a soccer ball propped up beside them. The dust collecting on the trophy hidden behind it. Posters of his heroes on dark blue walls, a mosaic painting of the Apollo 11 moon landing, the light catching and making the moon shine. The glare catching on the dark screen of his television, a shelf beneath it with books and games organized on either side, his system tucked away in the cabinet.

How many hours did she spend here playing games with him when they should be studying?

His slight grin when she won and rubbed it in his face only to start up another game while she wasn’t looking.

Would that all change because she knew now?

Looking down at him, her breath hitched when he started to shift and his eyes slowly opened. His cheek brushing against her chest as he raised his head, resting his chin against her chest and staring up at her with sleep-glazed sunset eyes.

“Yashiro,” he called, voice husky with sleep. “What time is it?”

Nene’s eyes widened and she fumbled for her phone, pressing the home button to see the time and another message from Mei.

“About five,” she said, shifting from beneath him as carefully as she could as he rolled to the side. “I should start heading home.”

She chose to wisely ignore the way that his voice made the back of her neck warm or twist her stomach in knots when he looked her way. His eyes were oranger than gold, or was it golder than orange? If she got a better look. Zipping her bag shut with more force than necessary, she downed the thought before it could grow any further. There was no way she could do that. Being that close to him —

Standing up abruptly, her knees almost buckled but she forced herself upright, picking up her phone from where it laid beside him. Amane lying on his side and peering up at her with a soft grumble, his fingers curled in the sheets.

Why.

She pressed her phone to her chest, holding it tightly, trying to slow the racing of her heart. He looked so vulnerable, small as he curled up in a ball, his eyes squinting to avoid being blinded by the light. Wide eyes that looked up at her with trust and fondness, faint dark circles beneath them showing he could use a bit more sleep, and his smile. It wasn’t teasing or cat-like but wide and warm, crinkling his eyes at the corners and stealing her breath away.

Oh no, she couldn’t do this.

“See you tomorrow, Amane,” she blurted out, gripping the strap of her bag and hurrying downstairs.

Tsuchigomori raised his hands as she flew past him, peering at her curiously. “Where’s the fire..?”

“I just have to head home, parents… y’know.”

Lying to him was so difficult. Not only because he was a teacher but he always seemed to just know. His hum was judgmental and she could feel his gaze on her back, analyzing her with a scrutiny that might have made her crack if she looked back at him. Tugging her shoes on, she stood and bowed deeply.

“Bye!”

Throwing open the doors, she looked down at her phone, squinting against the glare from the light.

shijimeikme#1231 — direct message with nenehime#1113

nenehime I came over to amane’s to hangout and he was so tired so I tried to cheer him up then we were singing and it was all nice and he kissed my forehead and said he loved me

shijimeikme …. Just like that

nenehime well… yes… and no…and kinda??? It was part of the song

shijimeikme but he kissed you

nenehime my forehead

shijimeikme which is a part of you

nenehime hnnnnnn I knooooooow meeeeeeei

shijimeikme are you still there???

nenehime no I’m leaving

shijimeikme did you talk to him before you left

nenehime does saying see you tomorrow count

shijimeikme baby no

shijimeikme hurry up and get over here

nenehime AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

shijimeikme see now the screaming makes sense

Throwing her phone into her bag, she hurried off as quickly as her legs could carry her. Amane’s voice repeating like a song she couldn’t get out of her head.

koulest#0206 — direct message with hanako#0724

hanako i fucked up

koulest to the surprise of no one

hanako kid ur killing me

koulest wh

koulest I’m olny few years younger thn u

hanako and shit at spelling too

koulest I’m going back to bed

hanako wait kou no listen

koulest whaaaaaaaat???

hanako so how would you cope w/ falling asleep on ur crush

koulest ….. what did you do

hanako so yashiro came over and tsuchigomori must’ve said something to her bc she was trying to get me to stop studying

koulest to be fair you don’t take breaks

hanako hey hey that’s not the point

hanako stay on topic

koulest mmmmm you didn’t deny it

hanako kou

koulest alrgiht alright damn so what

hanako I was sleep deprived kinda and she played this song and we were dancing and

koulest wait how sleep deprived

hanako stAY ON POINT

koulest HOW LONG WERE YOU AWAKE

hanako LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW I FUCKED UP

koulest you know what??? fair

koulest continue

hanakoshe played fly me to the moon

koulest soft but mmm think theres more to this

hanako look up the lyrics

koulest ohhhHHH fuck

hanako does your brother even let you curse???

koulest if you and I wanna survive he better not find out

hanako anyway we were singing

koulest ….

hanako kou

koulest you did a duet w senpai

hanako why do you still call her that but not me

koulest because you might be older than me grade-wise but up here we’re the same

hanako did you tap your head??? you know I can’t see you right

koulest HUSH

koulest okay, so how’d this lead to you falling asleep on her

hanako I got comfortable and… she was telling me to take a break and I was gonna just lay down and when I woke up I was on her

koulest did you do anything to her

hanako WH no what do you take me for

koulest (;￢＿￢) do you really wanna know

hanako killing me

hanako anyway I was faking sleep when I woke up bc I was trying to figure out how I got here

hanako and she’s messing with my hair

hanako then I “woke up” and she was on her phone and said she had to go

hanako and idk if she actually had to go or no but we didn’t talk bout it

hanako and idk if I made things weird cause this isn’ the first time

koulest back up

koulest the fuck do you mean this isn’t the first time

hanako ….

koulest oh no NOPE you don’t get to do the ellipsis of disappointment

hanako the wh

koulest mitsuba

koulest but that’s not the point TELL

hanako mmMMM mitsuba ok

koulest the fuck does that mean

hanako ANYWAY we were stargazing awhile ago

koulest post or pre kodama incident

hanako we do not speak about the kodama incident

koulest still can’t believe u did that

hanako kou no kodama incident please

koulest alright, alright what happened

hanako we fell asleep and when I woke up we were cuddling???

koulest idk if u have the best or worse luck

hanako don you mean worst

koulest nah ur luck just gets terrible w the day

koulest anyway did she talk about it w u thin

hanako then???

koulest I’M GOING BACK TO BED

hanako KOU WAIT NO

hanako yeah yeah she talked to me

hanako and I asked her if we could cuddle not as friends

koulest ??? Don’t leave me in suspense what’d she say

hanako she said yeah

koulest …. Okay why do I think you’re leaving something out

hanako am I?

koulest u were sleep deprived so you might’ve done something to make senpai skip out

hanako I can’t think of what tho and if I ask her

hanako so fkinembarrassed

koulest maybe if you actually slept

hanako shUT YOUR FUCK

koulest get some sleep we can talk about it tomorrow

koulest GET SOME SLEEP

hanako fuck we do have school tomorrow

koulest you would know that if ur days weren’t blurring

koulest BECAUSE YOU DON’T SLEEP

hanako GOOD NIGHT KOU

koulest oH FINALLY

Amane’s phone screen went dark, reflecting his own flustered face, and he grimaced at the sight. Dropping his phone to his chest and burying his fingers in his hair as he squinted at the ceiling. It’d long since gotten dark and Tsuchigomori ordered takeout, Yako coming over, and their usual bickering distracted him from his thoughts. Insisting that he’d be heading off to bed when he was only paying partial attention to one of their arguments that he’d been drawn into. Weighty sharp gazes following him and their voices were hushed as he disappeared from sight, no doubt trying to glean the meaning for his behavior.

How was he supposed to tell them that he might have scared off the girl that he liked because she was trying to make him feel better? Hell, how was he supposed to justify it to himself. The heels of his hands pressed against his eyelids, making the stars on his ceiling blurry and his eyes water. Deep down, he almost wanted to cry.

It took him a full six minutes to register Nene’s hasty goodbye and another two to hurry after her with the insistence of walking her home. She didn’t hear him, tapping away at her phone, her shoulders hunched and steps brisk — reminding him of that day. A muffled curse behind his hand as the memory came to mind.

The day was perfect. Like a scene out of her favorite movie, and her eyes were so warm and trusting. She believed every word that came out of his mouth. And that was it. He meant it, meant that he liked her, perhaps not love but he did like her and —

He hurt her.

Ruby eyes glistening with unshed tears, the ones that managed to slip free in silver streaks down her cheeks were quickly wiped away as she jerked away from him. The dull ache in his head from her headbutt was nothing compared to the sharp pain in his chest. Seeing her walking away from him, rubbing her eyes from tears he caused, all because his intentions were good but his method wasn’t.

What more could he do but apologize to her?

Could he really expect her to believe him when he lied before?

His phone slid off his chest as he shifted onto his side, pressing his cheek against his pillow, the smell of earth and something sweet filling his nose.

Nene.

It could only be her. And he mentally kicked himself, burying his face against the pillow and clutching it tightly.

kannoaoi#0320 — direct message with nenehime#1113

nenehime AOI I NEED YOUR HELP

kannoaoi name and what’d they do

nenehime wh— （・□・；）no not like that

kannoaoi just kidding （⌒▽⌒）mei told me what happened

nenehime

nenehime message

kannoaoi well it doesn’t sound like the kodama incident again

kannoaoi if he was as tired as you said maybe he meant it

kannoaoi or maybe he was delirious

nenehime not helping aoi

kannoaoi what im saying is that talking to us is well and good but you should talk to yugi

nenehime but how do you talk to someone whose bed you woke up in twice

kannoaoi how do you talk to me? (✿╹u╹)

nenehime aoi you’re different

kannoaoi and I’m glad you think so but nene whats one of the most irritating tropes from your books

nenehime besides power imbalance???

kannoaoi mhm

nenehime miscommunication

nenehime … oh

kannoaoi oh (✿◠‿◠)

Flower emojis were supposed to be cute but somehow Aoi could make them both that and absolutely threatening. Locking her phone screen, Nene stared at her own reddened faced worried her bottom lip between her teeth. Black Canyon rolled across her pillow, colliding with her cheek and she closed her eyes with a sigh. Letting her phone fall to the side, her hands cupping around the mischievous hamster as she sat up and tucked her knees in close.

The contents of her bag spilled out over the shag carpet, her books face down and obscuring the heart shaped design from view. Her gaze drifting to the ceiling then her curtains, the stuffed animals and movie posters barely discernible in the low lighting. Her teal hair falling in her face as she rested her head against her knees, nuzzling against Black Canyon’s fur. Honey and brown sugar from the shampoo that she used bathe him still fresh. Pressing a kiss to his head, she set him on the floor and let him run around, pushing the ball that he’d come to claim as his own.

Black and white, checkered just like the one in Amane’s room, bumping against her dresser and the walls. Sitting back with her head against the wall, she almost wished for the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. Checking to make sure that Black Canyon wasn’t nearby as she toed off her bed, bending down to pick up the objects from her bag. Her books heavy in her hands, thumbs running over the embossed titles.

What was she going to do come tomorrow?

It wasn’t as if she could just hide in her room or avoid him. No one was at fault but the knots twisting in her stomach and the fear of having dashed hopes meant something. Pressing her lips to the spine of her book, she tried to remember the warmth of his hand and the gentle press of his lips against her forehead. That wide smile, soft and all for her.

I just wanted them to stop making fun of you.

Was it really that bad?

If he liked her and she liked him, did anyone else really matter?

And even then — why would anyone tease for her liking him when he was so…

Draping her bag on her chair, she tip toed over to the window and pulled the soft cherry pink curtains, opening her window slightly to let the cool air come in. Her arms crossed on the window sill and chin resting atop of them as she looked out at the cityscape. Thousands of lights wavering in the distance, dancing as her eyelids fell and she sighed. The moon wasn’t out tonight and she wondered if he was dismayed by it.

He kept track of the moon phases on his calendars so she doubted he didn’t know but she wanted to check anyway.

Though with the way she left, would it be alright to text him?

Was he offended because they didn’t talk?

Or should she just do it anyway?

They were still friends.

Black Canyon’s soft squeaks made her smile and she rested her cheek against her arms, watching him as he bumped the ball against the wall, trying to get it to change directions. Scurrying after it with all of the speed that his tiny legs could afford him.

Sometimes, she thought it must have been a lot easier to be an animal.

Like a hamster or a fish.

Lingering by the window for a moment longer, she sighed and drifted back to her bed, picking up her phone. The light shining in her eyes were momentarily blinding and scrolling through the recent messages, she found the thread with Amane and her finger hovered over it.

Yashiro, I love you! Please go out with me.

I love you.

hanako#0724 — direct message with nenehime#1113

nenehime no stargazing tonight I guess

nenehime amane

nenehime about earlier can we talk?

nenehime …please

Nene had never been one for flippant use of prayer. In fact, she tried not to pray for things that were selfish if she could help it. But right now, she really needed this. Even if it went wrong and something happened that couldn’t be taken back — it was better than this.

A gentle chime and a notification popped up on her screen. She pressed her phone to her forehead with a ragged sigh, sagging down to the floor. Black Canyon’s ball tapping her side as the hamster squeaked at her.

hanako#0724 — direct message with nenehime#1113

hanako yeah

hananene squad — 5 members

koulest added kannoaoi to the group.

koulest added shijimeikme to the group.

koulest added aoi_a to the group.

koulest added elemonate to the group.

koulest added snapmitsu to the group.

koulest renamed koulest, kannoaoi, shijimeikme, aoi_a, elemonate, snapmitsu to hananene squad.

snapmitsu TRAFFIC EARRING yOU ASS

koulest wrong chat mitsuba

elemonate im sory but what was the right chat

aoi_a sory?

elemonate yeah like you

aoi_a rude

shijimeikme assuming we’re all here for the same thing are we gonna talk about our friends pining or…

koulest is pining even the word anymore

koulest wait role call how did everybody find out

kannoaoi nene

koulest amane

snapmitsu being added to this gc

aoi_a u can leave anytime

snapmitsu fuck u im staying

koulest okay but can we talk about what we’re gonna do about them

snapmitsu like are we picking sides

koulest wh NO why would we pick sides we’re both of their friends

aoi_a idk if I’d say that

kannoaoi akane

kannoaoi and don’t worry too much kou

shijimeikme aoi’s right, we don’t have to do much of anything

elemonate ….. what did you two already do

kannoaoi planted the seeds, so watch them grow

snapmitsu a gardening joke???

kannoaoi this IS nene we’re talking about here

shijimeikme yeah kou so just let the stars align

snapmitsu am I having a stoke is this what a stroke feels like

aoi_a so basically we were called for….

aoi_a nothing if we’re being honest

koulest no no I wouldn’t say THAT - sigh - we’re out here in case anything happens

elemonate like what super senate

koulest yeah like sentai WARRIORS

kannoaoi and the two people we’re talking about aren’t part of this little band of heroes

koulest do you want me to make a whole gc with all of us???

snapmitsu nope a server

koulest wh

aoi_a more space for pins

elemonate you mean memes

shijimeikme you mean pictures

kannoaoi you mean puns

aoi_a aoi please

snapmitsu heathens all of you

aoi_a tomorrow is gonna be fun

snapmitsu for who?

shijimeikme yes

[j-whirl44]

Built on Hope

I wrote! more Rusty Quill Gaming fic! because....yeah

Blame Ben for having Zolf tell the group he cares about Wilde and giving no further explanation!!!

Set post-virus spread, where the two of them just share a drink and talk bc they’re both sad, emotionally charged men!

Enjoy!

read it on AO3: (x)

Wilde sits at the bar at the inn in Japan and just stares at the ale he ordered. It was a bad day. The weather, as poor as it’s ever been, made the scar on his face feel tight. No matter how much he tried to move his face around it didn’t ease the pain. He hates the damn thing, but he uses it as a reminder.

It was his own damn fault after all, he wasn’t careful enough in the beginning. He still thought he was smarter than whatever was happening. To be fair, he also wasn’t aware that the virus can take the shape of people you knew. It happened so fast, there was a moment before he even realized how bad he was bleeding and that he could really only see properly out of one eye. It took a lot of healing and weeks in an unflattering eye patch, but he’s mostly regained his sight.

He’s thought about covering it up with prestidigitation, but there’s no real point, there’s something about it that makes the magic not last as long. The facade wears off in a matter of hours and Wilde can still feel it there so there’s no real point in trying to hide it.

He sighs and takes a small sip. It tastes horrible. He’s let it go warm and flat.

“Rough day hold up in your office there, boss?” a voice says next to him.

He looks at Zolf and gives him as much of a smile as he’s able to and gestures for him to take a seat, “Oh won’t you join me, Mister Smith, I do always enjoy your bright demeanor” Wilde says.

Zolf laughs and takes a seat, he waves down the inn keeper and orders two shots of sake. He passes one to Wilde who raises an eyebrow. Zolf rolls his eyes, “just take it,” he says.

Wilde does, and the two men raise their small glasses to each other, a cheers to the other and quickly down the liquid.

It’s been about three months since things went south. The riots overwhelmed Europe and people started retreating to anywhere they could, but there was a lot of travel halted by the storms of varying degrees. Wilde was already in Japan when it happened, Curie sent word about the severity and what their next moves should be. He ran into Zolf a few days later. He was already tracking down his old group, hearing through various contacts that Japan was the next stop. Wilde filled him in on what’s really happening and the two have been working together ever since.

It wasn’t easy at first, there were growing pains, but in a new world like this you had to adapt fast. Whatever thoughts or opinions the two men had about each other from their previous encounters vanished when their base was ambushed by the infected. It was bad, but Zolf managed to lead most of the people out. It was hard to see him as anyone but a leader after that moment. He’s also the one who found the inn and convinced the owner to help locate them.

Wilde secretly wished he had the confidence Zolf exhumed. He certainly wasn’t the frigid cleric of Poseiden he once knew.

“So really, boss, you okay?” Zolf asks again. Wilde looks at him and gives a half-hearted shrug.

“I’m fine,” he says, he feels his face twitch, “the weather’s bad is all. Makes my little friend here agitated sometimes.”

Zolf grunts in acknowledgement, “Yeah. My legs don’t always want to agree with me some days either. My peg leg wasn’t much better,” he says.

Wilde nods, “Suppose we chose the wrong time for battle scars, then.”

“Didn’t have much choice there did we though,” Zolf says, his voice low and a bit angry. It’s a tone Wilde is used to by now, but it still catches him off guard.

Zolf orders another two shots, this time he doesn’t offer one to Wilde.

“Is something bothering you, Mister Smith,” Wilde says.

“Could you-” Zolf starts, a little too loudly, “Could you maybe just...call me Z-zolf. It’s just. Mister Smith it’s-it’s too formal.”

Wilde is taken aback slightly, but he nods his head, “very well. Zolf.”

Wilde notices now how tense Zolf really is. His shoulders are up so high they practically reach the top of his head. He’s slouched over, practically curling in on himself. Which is hard to do considering their sitting on bar stools.

“Zolf. What’s wrong?” Wilde asks.

“Hey I came over here to see how you were doing. Not the other way around,” Zolf protests.

“Well then might I suggest you uncurl yourself from the ball you made. You look like a clam right now,” Wilde says back.

Zolf eyes widen for a moment before he looks over himself. He visibly relaxes, shakes out the tension in his neck.

He looks pointedly at Wilde, “There. Done. See?”

Wilde chooses not to point out the creases in his forehead that still give him away.

“Very well, apologizes for asking,” Wilde says.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Wilde still sips his now undrinkable ale and tries to avoid Zolf sulking next to him. They’ve come far in the last few months, but maybe not as far as Wilde first thought.

He hears Zolf shift in his seat as he clears his throat, “I’m just...thinking...about, stuff,” he says quietly. Wilde waits for him to continue, “I just...wish they were here with me. I could- we could use them right about now,” he says.

Wilde nods, “I know. I’m sorry.”

Zolf scoffs and gives a bitter laugh. He looks lost in thought. Wilde again gives him silence. He’s not really much for talking nowadays anyway.

“It’s also, my brother’s birthday. Today. Now,” Zolf says. This gets Wilde to turn his full attention to him. He still says nothing though, waiting for Zolf to continue.

He does, “he’s, uh, dead. Been dead awhile. A cave-in in our family’s mines,” Zolf eplains. He doesn’t go into any detail from that, and Wilde won’t push him. He doesn’t want to. He likes to think he’s not that obnoxious journalist anymore. There’s really no reason for him to be anymore.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Zolf,” Wilde says. He puts a hand on the dwarfs shoulder. Zolf doesn’t flinch away, instead he almost leans into it, if only for a moment. Wilde continues, “As for your friends. They did what they could. They knew Rome was a risk, but they took it anyway-”

“I should’ve been with them, Hamid. Sasha they-”

“Became very capable in your absence,” Wilde points out. Zolf sighs.

“Guess they didn’t need me after all,”

Wilde lets out a sound that’s a mixture of a laugh and a choke, “I wouldn’t go that far. They very much still were running around like children lost in a market the last time I saw them,” he says to try and cheer Zolf up.

It does get a small smile from him, but it fades quickly.

Another moment of silence falls between them. The air is tense and sad, but that’s not really any different than most days around here now.

Wilde bites the inside of his cheek as he thinks about what to say next, but nothing comes to mind.

He hates this new world. He hates that he didn’t do enough to stop it from happening, but that’s in the past now. All Wilde can do is hope he doesn't screw up as much trying to fix it.

Zolf gives Wilde a look as if to show he’s probably thinking the same thing. He sighs, “Look, Wilde. I’m not particularly good about opening up about things,” he starts, “but now, with the world the way it is. We can’t-do this. We can’t sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. We got to-” he pauses and laughs at himself, “We got to have hope. Have something. I-I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to believe in. After my brother died,” another pause, “I don’t-I don’t know. I was just drifting along doing what I thought was right. It still hurt people  cared about so, well you know the rest. Anyways, doesn’t matter, I found hope. Or something like it. I don’t need a god to believe in or someone to show me the way. I just...hope. And that’s all we can do now. Hope that together we can find a way to fix this. All of us,” he finishes.

Wilde sits there stunned. He didn’t expect that to pour out of the man sitting beside him. He again just didn’t know what to say. For the first time since this whole thing started, Wilde could feel it. That something. That hope. Maybe all wasn’t lost after all.

Wilde laughs suddenly, which startles Zolf, “What’s so funny?” he asks.

Wilde waves a hand at him, “It’s nothing. I just see why you’ve always seemed to be the leader wherever you go,” he says.

Zolf rolls his eyes again and orders again two more shots. They each take one.

Wordlessly, the two make a toast to hope.

[artnerd1123]

A Familiar World

Play Nice, Boys! (Journal Version) ——————————————

After being forced out of his home, a place to lay his head down is all Journal wants. He’s even willing to brave a new town to find such a place. But when he steps foot on busy streets, nothing seems as clear cut as he’d hoped. Especially when the apartment comes with a little more than he paid for…

The masterpost for AFW can be found here. The chapter post for AFW can be found here.

——————————————

(note: this is a repost bc I updated and changed some stuff!)

after approximately 500 years read: 2 months, i finally finished Journal’s side of this fateful first encounter!!! it’s longer than aiden’s was, but Journal’s got a whole lot on his plate. Hope y’all enjoy~ Aiden’s perspective of this is back in the chapter post, right below this one!

oh, and there are mentions and brief memories of abuse in here. please be careful y’all!

                                                      ————

When Journal said he wanted to travel around the region, this was definitely not what he had in mind. His feet ached from walking so long in his old boots. His shoulder was painfully sore from carrying the weight of his burlap sack. His long, dark brown hair- up in a ponytail- stuck to his sweaty neck. The dust turned his red leggings maroon, left muddy stains on his white undershirt, and washed out his blackened tunic. He was lucky he’d grabbed some sun salve, or he’d be as red as his magic. As it was, he felt hot enough to be on the surface of the sun. He let out a soft groan as he readjusted his sack.  Next time I’m running from home, I’ll remember to grab a horse. Glancing down at the crumpled map in hand, Journal tried to judge just how much farther he’d have to go. The village he’d stayed in that night was far behind him; he’d been walking since early that morning. The red path marked on the map told him nothing new. It wound sideways towards the town Nettles had circled in blue. Why was it that he couldn’t travel as fast as her pencils could trace? The thought of his mentor made him pick up his pace. After hammering out travel plans with Nettles, she’d had him stay in the woods for a few days. She watched his old farm in the meantime. When his family was far enough from the house, she’d sent the younger sorcerer back to gather whatever else he wanted. It was still a pitiful amount of his life, but it was better than the almost nothing he’d had before. Nettles gave him a proper sack to hold his things in, and he’d hit the road on his own. The dull ache of miles spent on his feet was nothing compared to the sting still embedded in his chest. He knew there was no way to go back, but… how could he not miss everything he’d known? His town? His siblings? His old magic mentor? It was a bittersweet feeling. Painful, relieving, terrifying, and freeing. All wrapped up in a bundle of uncertainty. Journal still wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about this. He wasn’t sure how he felt about a lot of things. But, sure or not, he knew he had to keep moving. Getting to this town and finding a place to stay was the most important thing in the world. It was the only thing he had left, anyway. He tried not to scuff his boots on the ground as he kept walking. Another glance at the map told him a forest bordered the town. It was right along his path, and, if he was lucky, perhaps he could reach it by- A gasp slipped out of his throat. “Oh Revaew’s Web- trees!” Journal yelled hoarsely. A huge grin split his face as his pace jumped into a jog. More trees peeked over the horizon the faster he went. So he sped up. Faster, faster faster! Until, with a giddy laugh, he rushed right into the shade of the closest evergreen tree. It was cool, luxurious bliss. He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. The sorcerer took a moment to just enjoy in the smell of pine and forest litter. I’m so close! He thought gleefully. Just through this forest, and I’ll be-! … I’ll... I’ll be… … somewhere new. And I’ll make it into my own home. Just you wait. 

                                                        ————

Journal’s walk through the forest turned out to be both longer and shorter than he imagined. Longer because he was terribly impatient to reach the town, but shorter because the sun barely seemed to have moved when buildings peeked through the trees. He picked up his pace at the sight, trying to ignore the aching soreness in his legs. He’d be able to sit down soon. Hell, he could even lie down soon if he wanted. He’d rented his own apartment. Well, almost his own. It had room for a roommate, but the landlord had said it might be a month or two until someone else showed up. That meant he had to pay for the entire apartment himself. But that also meant it was just his for now. A place of his very own, with nobody else to trample around and mess with his stuff. … and nobody there to be his company for awhile, either. He tried not to think about that. Walking faster, the buildings that loomed over the trees slowly came into view. And they weren’t the only things to slowly reveal themselves. Journal felt his stomach do a flip at the appearance of large, crowded streets, filled with all manners of people, stands, shops… When Nettles said town, I thought she meant like my town. Not a mini city. The sorcerer stood awkwardly in the middle of the path, just watching people scurry around from a distance. He tried to picture himself among the rush of people. Despite his imagination, he couldn’t quite fit himself in there. Just a misfit, his mind whispered. You’re not about to fit in here either. He shook his head, trying to ignore it. His hand had found its way to the bruise on his cheek; he forced it back to his side. I’m gonna fit. I’m gonna make it work. Anywhere is a better fit than there. Thus, the sorcerer sauntered off towards the town. All he needed to do now was find his apartment building. Piece of cake.

Striding down the streets actually turned out to be a bit of an agility exercise. People were literally everywhere. Ducking into shops, running off down the street, taking a stroll with their friends and familiars... avoiding them was like dancing through a field of thorns. Journal felt himself tense up every time someone bumped him. Nobody was out to get him here, but strangers brushing against him still sent an uncomfortable zing up his spine. If this was city life, he’d need to unlearn a lot of old habits. He jumped as a vendor suddenly shouted out next to him, nearly dropping his sack of things. “Ghh-! Geez…” That, and find a job somewhere quieter and calmer than the street. The yelling of vendors scattered around layered over the steady buzz of conversation, footsteps, doors opening and closing, and assorted other townish noises. There was just so much sound. He could barely bear it now; he couldn’t imagine working in it. A quick glance above heads told him the apartment building was close. A wave of relief washed over him. The sorcerer did his best to shoulder his way through a crowd headed in the opposite direction. Towards some bar, from the looks of another glance. Lively. I just hope this place has a library. After a few more minutes of painfully pushing through a sea of people, Journal found himself on the doorstep of an apartment building. He barely even spared his map a glance to check the address; his place or not, he needed off these Revaew damned streets. Ducking into the building, though, proved the crowds were harder to lose than previously thought. His face fell in dismay at the sight of a reception room chock full of travellers. The clerk was clear on the other side of the room, and looking quite busily frazzled. Why did there have to be so many people here? What in Revaew’s name is going on in this town?! He just wanted to get to his room. And, at this rate? He was willing to do anything to get there. Taking a deep breath and putting on his most determined face, he stepped into the room. Marching through a crowd was easy when you looked ticked enough to stomp right over people. He found himself in front of the counter quite quickly. The busy clerk didn’t notice him, though, until he rang the reception bell. The guy jumped; Journal would’ve felt sorry had he not been so out of sorts himself. “Uh, hey, I’m here to get my room key?” Journal huffed. “Wh- u-uh- of course, young man! Terribly sorry about the wait,” the clerk sputtered. He set down a huge stack of papers, and reached for a large book. Records, if Journal had to guess. “I-I’ll need your name, sir.” When Journal tried to answer automatically, it came out as a bit of a mess. “It’s Theo- er- no, Jour- I-I mean-” he stammered, tripping over his words. The clerk watched on as he floundered for a minute. The people behind him muttered in annoyance. Journal’s face was bright red before he took a breath to steady himself. Letting out a mildly strained chuckle, he flashed the clerk a quick showman’s smile. “... Last name Drapht. Do you have anyone with the last name ‘Drapht’ in there?” Ah, the joy of hating your given name. Journal felt himself bristling at the thought of it. He’d bought the apartment, and it was in a new town, where nobody knew him… but it was Nettles who had handled the paperwork. He didn’t know what name she’d put down. After all, he was sure nobody would rent an apartment to someone named after a notebook. Even if he’d rather be called one over ‘Theodore.’ The clerk muttered to himself as he quickly flipped around in his records. “Druft… droph… daft…? There’s to many ‘d’ names here- oh- aha! There you are!” The clerk tapped a spot on his book. “Drapht, was it? I’ve got a room here for a Journal Drapht.” The rush of relief at hearing a simple nickname was immense. Journal silently thanked Nettles a thousand times over as he nodded. “Perfect!!!” the clerk chirped. It seemed Journal wasn’t the only one relieved by confirmation. The man snapped, a key appearing in a flash of orange sparks. He practically tossed it at Journal- the sorcerer barely had time to catch it before the clerk launched into a mini tirade. “That’s your room key, and it’s the only way anyone can have access to your room if nobody’s at the desk. Remember that there’s no refunds, and I apologize in advance if anything is messy; cleaning rooms has been a real hassle lately with so many people. Thank you, and enjoy your stay!” And with that, the sorcerer was shoved out of the way by the next person in line. Journal shot them a glare, but they didn’t see it. Too many people were moving towards the counter for anyone to see much of anything. He just turned towards the steps. He’d focus on whatever that clerk had said once he was out of that loud, pushing-and-shoving, no-concept-of-personal-space crowd. Journal was quite pleased to find the staircase empty. Even if he could still hear the buzz of people in the next room, he finally had breathing space. He leaned against the wall while he took quick stock of everything. His bag of things still hung over his shoulder. The map was in his pocket. The key to his room- his new home- was held tightly in his hand. He was here, in this building, and he’d made it there on his own. Good. Okay. … Hopefully I don’t need to worry about whatever the clerk said about refunds, he thought. This place was expensive.

The trip up the stairs and down the hall didn’t take too long. Journal was happy to find that the apartment was near the stairwell. At least he wouldn’t have to wander around the building for awhile to find his way out. He glanced down at the key in his hand as he stood in front of the doorway. The gold metal glinted up at him. ‘Room 213,’ the glowing orange numbers said. His new home. All he needed to do was unlock that door, and he’d be… … … Is it really home? A terrifying thought. But not one he’d let himself dwell on. Journal straightened up, squaring his shoulders. If it wasn’t his home now, he’d make it his home eventually. That was a promise. Without further thought, he stuck the key in the lock. One satisfying click and turn of a doorknob later, he’d walked into the middle of what looked like a living room. The wooden floor was bare, as were the yellow walls. One window, half covered by moth eaten curtains, was the only source of light in the dim space. It was sparsely furnished. A beat-up couch sat against one wall, its cushions worn from use. A coffee table sat in front of it. It was a rough looking, with its stains and chipped wood, but looked sturdy. A few empty book cases stood guard on either side of a hallway entrance. A pair of armchairs sat forlornly next to them. Other than those few things, the room was empty. The place felt lived in, but vacant. Homey, but foreign. Someplace he could… probably grow into. It was a start. “I should light this place up,” he muttered to himself. Journal crossed the room to set his sack of things down on the couch, tossing his cloak down next to it. The sorcerer made sure to open the curtains in front of the window. A peek outside showed the forest that bordered the town. Daylight shone softly against the floor and walls of the living room. The sight drained a bit of tension. … Better. He figured exploring the rest of the apartment would do him some good. For familiarity, and all that. The hallway was still dim, so he opted to check out the kitchen. Bare countertops, a lonely table and chairs, empty cabinets, and a quietly dripping sink greeted him. Aside from the woody brown of the floor, the only splash of color was the walls; still the same daffodil yellow as the living room. An air of silent emptiness hung like a mist over the room. At least there were more windows. He opened up their curtains quickly. Next was… whatever was down the hallway. He stood warily in front of the dark passage. Long dark hallways never added up to anything good in his legend books. He knew this one had two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a closet, but he still didn’t like that long of a hallway. The shadows cast down there were… disconcerting.  … It’s fine. Nevertheless, the sorcerer held out his hand before him, letting a small red flame kindle in his palm. Nothing wrong with shedding a little light on the situation. As it turned out, the first door on his left was the bathroom. Dull white walls and cold white floor tiles, with the whole place starkly undecorated. Seemed reasonable enough. If not a tad unsettling when bathed in red firelight. There was a door across from the bathroom, but that ended up being some sort of storage closet. Going farther down the hall, Journal opened another door. This one was a bedroom. The bed was in the center of the room, along with a desk, and a few bookshelves. Why they were left all in a cluster was beyond him. But the sight perked him up. Here was the section of the apartment he could really call home! Not to mention it was so big. The sorcerer’s wide eyes slowly moved about the room, taking stock of just how much room there really was. He’d never had that much space to himself. Truly to himself! Even if he had to share the apartment down the line, he’d never have to share his room. He let out a low whistle. “Now this. This is what I’m talkin about,” he grinned. He had to get his stuff set up in there as soon as possible. Trotting back down the hall, the sorcerer certainly had some pep in his step. “Got a new room alllll to myself,” Journal hummed happily. “Just me ‘n my scepter ‘n books. No sharing with anyone at all~” When he reached for his sack, however, he noticed a strange tan stain on the cushions. He paused with one hand hovering over the fabric. His brows furrowed. Since when had ‘tan splotches’ been an interior design choice...? The answer came to him when his eyes wandered back over to his sack. The same tan splotches were all over it. Glancing down at himself, he saw the same shade all over his clothes and boots. … and the floor. Journal winced. Ah. Right. Road travel is… dusty. Guess I oughta take a shower then, huh…? He thought ruefully. The sorcerer gave an annoyed huff before tossing his sack over his shoulder. Might as well drop it off in his room before he goes to wash off…

                                                       ————

Steam floated lazily around the bathroom; beads of condensed water leaving streaks down the mirror. Journal stood motionless in front of it. Just silently staring. The shower had been warm. A little odd, since he wasn’t used to having hot water available for one. The towels, too, were nice and fluffy. It was all so refreshing. But shower and towel quality wasn’t on the forefront of his mind. The reflection in the glass before him was. Journal’s fingers had brushed against the bruise on his cheek before. He’d felt the impact of the hand that caused it. The soreness spiked when he made faces. He knew it was there. How could he not? What he hadn’t known was that it covered his whole cheek. Gently pulling back damp hair, the sorcerer stared at the purplish blue mark. The ugly mottled coloring gave him a sinking feeling in his gut. His blank expression shifted a bit as his brows furrowed. It was as if someone had branded him. Branded him with a reminder of the night he’d left. As if he’d ever forget it. He’d never get the sight of his parents standing amidst his things, holding up his scepter in utter disgust, out of his head. Or that of his writings, scattered around the floor, torn in a frenzy. He could still hear the wild smack of a raging palm, still feel the devastating sting, still see the utter disappointment of his father, and the furiously screaming face of his mother- With a jolt, he realized the bruise was the same shape as the hand that struck him. Branded for your failure, his mother’s voice seemed to hiss. “Shut up,” Journal mumbled, grimacing. He let his hair fall back in front of his cheek. The last thing he wanted to see was that stupid bruise.

                                                      ———— 

Once he’d magicked the dust from his clothes, restyled his hair, and redressed, the sorcerer decided to head back to his room. He figured the best cure for his rising feelings of discomfort was to start making one of the bedrooms his own. That way he’d have at least one island of familiarity.  He took stock of his furniture as he rolled up his sleeves. The bookshelves could go along one wall, and his desk against another. His bed, he could put in a corner. Yes. That’s it. He could already see it all coming together. All he needed now was to set his stuff out of the way. The sorcerer tried for a smile as he set his sack down on the bed. Let’s get things started, shall we? And with that, Journal started pushing his bookshelves towards the walls. The sound of wood on wood wasn’t exactly pleasant, but they moved easily enough. It was just a matter of making sure they got into place without squashing himself between furniture and a wall. It was all going well until he heard something over the sound of his work. The sound was like… floorboards creaking…? “... the hell…?” he muttered, pausing to listen. “... am I goin’ crazy, or did i jus hear-?” “Uh… hello?” a voice suddenly called. Journal practically jumped out of his skin, nearly tripping over his own feet as he scrambled back. “What in Revaew’s web-?!” he yelped. Who the fuck is in my apartment?! Nervous, but determined to find out what was going on, the sorcerer quickly trotted over to the door. He peeked out into the hallway, wary suspicion painted all over his face. What he saw did nothing to clear up his confusion. A tall, heavyset blue haired man stood in the hall. A battered looking purple ribbon held the man’s hair back in a bun. He looked about as dusty as Journal had been before his shower, his purple cloak muddied and white shirt tanned. His pants and boots must have already been some shade of brown, because they didn’t look too bad. But the man was also holding what looked like some sort of… indigo... cat…? It wasn’t anything Journal had ever seen before. It just peeked warily at him from under a patchy brown cloak. In any case, the man and his cat looked just as shocked and apprehensive as Journal felt. Who are they…? His eyes slid over the two slowly, taking them in. He reached up to brush a lock of hair behind his ear, trying to buy himself time to think. Maybe they were just a couple employees or something. Haltingly, he spoke up.   “... um… can I… help you…?” The indigo cat fidgeted anxiously, and the blue haired stranger let it hide itself in his cloak. He cleared his throat, glancing Journal over. “Er… yes, I believe so. You’re living in room two thirteen?” the stranger asked hesitantly. “Yyyyyes…? I bought it a week ago,” Journal answered hesitantly, gaze flicking over the questor again. He could see the hesitance all over this guy’s face, but there was plenty of confusion too. Evidently he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t expecting company. “Alright. Well, I’m… sorry if you weren’t informed, but Roo and I are your new roommates,” he explained. “I wasn’t… uh… told you’d moved in. Or I would’ve knocked.” Wait, what? Journal’s mouth opened and shut a few times. Roommates? This soon? This soon? He straightened himself up indignantly, thoughts flicking from budding outrage and outright bafflement. “What-? I- really? So soon?” he sputtered. “Sorry if you weren’t expecting it,” the stranger said gently, “I’m sure we can wait a day if you need time to-” “No- no, you- that’s not the problem!” Journal broke in. Why hadn’t anyone told him about this?! Had he done something wrong at the desk? Checked in early? Or had they just shoved the first person who needed a place into his apartment? He huffed in annoyance, running a hand through his hair. “You two shouldn’t- this can’t be right. I was told I would have this place to myself for at least a month or two!” “Hey- hey, it���ll be alright,” the stranger tried, holding up a hand. “We can get all this sorted out. Maybe there was some miscommunication issue.” Journal wasn’t really listening. After all, he’d bought this apartment. With a huge chunk of his savings. And no matter how gently the stranger tried presenting it, a “miscommunication” was sounding less and less likely. He fought to keep panic down, just hanging tight to that bubbling outrage of such a thing happening in the first place. “But I paid for this room in full! On my own!” Journal cried. “I never would’ve done that if I’d known you’d be here so soon!” “That’s… that’s what we paid for, too,” the stranger said slowly. “And nobody told me this place already had someone moving in.” “I… I… ghhhh...”Journal’s shoulders slumped. He put a hand to his forehead. Of all the things… “What the hell. I do not need this right now.” “That’s how I’m feeling about this,” the stranger replied. He rubbed his face, sighing tiredly. Journal could see clearly that this had shaken him up as well. It seemed like neither of them could really believe the situation. But… what was he to do? It was just his luck for all this to come crashing down on him. He’d been planning on settling into his apartment on his own before tackling the rest of the town. He couldn’t even manage that now that someone else was here. He didn’t even know the guy. What if he was a shady jerk or something? Normally, he wouldn’t entertain the notion- especially since the guy hadn’t done much besides walk in and try to sort things out- but this wasn’t his town, wasn’t his house, and he wasn’t ready to go out in the streets if he had someone unfamiliar in the hous- “Hey, tell you what,” the stranger spoke up suddenly. Journal jumped a bit, jerked out of his thoughts. He shot the stranger a wary glance as he continued talking. “How about we go down and talk to the clerk? I’m sure I can get him to give us back half what we both paid.” Journal blinked. What? Had he really just… heard that? … maybe my luck’s turned a bit, some hopeful corner of his mind mumbled. He gave it a hard nudge. He’d just have to see how this worked out. “... are you sure...?” Journal asked a little bluntly. “I’m sure,” the stranger said firmly, waving in the door’s direction. “Someone needs to sort out this mess anyways, hm?” … He had a point. And the stranger looked… honest. Despite how hard he looked, he didn’t find any ill will in the stranger’s gentle gaze. “... yeah… yeah. ok,” Journal sighed. “Let’s… do this. Or whatever.” “Alright. Hopefully this won’t take too long.”

                                                     ————

It was half an hour before they could get ahold of the clerk. The stranger’s cat was up in the room, the two humans deciding to leave it out of the tense situation. Standing in front of the desk, they watched as the clerk frantically flicked through his paperwork. Journal crossed his arms, foot tapping in annoyance. Couldn’t he handle this any faster? “Roommates- I swear I didn’t- ohhh, where did I put those records-?!” The clerk stammered worriedly. “It’s alright, just take your time. We’re fine,” the stranger said gently. Journal shot him a biting look. They were most definitely not fine. How could he say that? “What were your names again?” The clerk asked miserably. “I’m so sorry. They’ve slipped my mind.” “Aiden Pingere. It may be in as just Pingere, I forget which.” “Theo- I mean- Journal. Journal Drapht.” “Thank you. One moment...” The clerk waved his hands, a soft orange mist appearing over his papers. He muttered under his breath as Journal and the stranger, Aiden, watched on. … geez… this day really had to get worse, didn’t it? He thought miserably. He thought he’d gotten somewhere safe for once. Somewhere all to his own. But here he was, watching the clerk shuffle papers for some early roommate mixup. He couldn’t even share his life with family anymore. And now he had a complete stranger shoved into his brand new apartment, way way ahead of time. Day one, and I’ve already messed up. Journal crossed his arms, just trying to ward off any more anxious thoughts. Maybe it would be ok. There would be another room for the stranger and his cat to stay in temporarily, or something. He wouldn’t have to worry about them until he was ready to have them move in. He’d… he’d be fine to just live on his own. By himself. In that big, dark apartment upstairs.   … who was he kidding? This whole thing was just a nightmare.   Just as he was about to step outside for some air, the clerk straightened up. Both he and Aiden looked to him expectantly. “Aha, right here! I’ve got your records.” The clerk paused. “... and it… it does say you both have room 213. Oh dear.” Aiden let out a loud sigh. Journal swore under his breath. “You’re serious? Isn’t there anything you can do to fix that?!” Journal asked helplessly. This was exactly the thing he was afraid of! He made a desperate gesture in Aiden’s direction, trying to gain some traction. “Neither of us paid for a room with a roommate!” “Is there another room one of us could take?” Aiden inquired. “Some place else one of us could stay?” “I’m afraid not,” the clerk replied. “I’ve sold out all my rooms for at least the next few months. You’ll just have to share the room you have, or try and get another down the street.” “Oh Revaew…” Aiden muttered. “Months…?” Journal echoed weakly. It was now that he remembered the policy on refunds was… nonexistent. His hand strayed to the nearly empty pouches of coins in his pocket. He had only a handful to his name after all this… There was no way he’d be able to get another room. Much less handle groceries for long, if he didn’t get a job. Could he, if he was worried about what was going on at the apartment? Preoccupation didn’t do you good when you were trying to seem friendly and open in an interview. What was he supposed to do? Before his thoughts could get any farther, though, Aiden spoke up again. “Listen, I don’t know if your superior planned this or not, but neither of us should’ve paid that much. Do you think you can help us out a bit?” “I- uh- maybe- dep- depends on what you want?” the clerk stammered uncertainly. Evidently, he wasn’t used to such upfront questions with a ‘no refunds’ sign on the desk. And… Journal wasn’t sure where Aiden was going with this. “I’d like you to halve the amount we both paid, and give us back what we’re owed,” he said simply. The clerk blinked. Journal’s mouth dropped open a bit in surprise. Aiden looked back at the clerk calmly. Had he really just…? “It’s only right, wouldn’t you think?” Aiden asked gently. Well, it sounded gentle. But his gaze was firm and unmovable. “I… uh… I suppose…” the clerk mumbled. Glancing around nervously, he tapped his pencil on his records paper. “Are you sure there’s nothing else I can-?” “Sir, please. I promise we won’t bother you again.” “... no promises,” Journal mumbled, giving him a cold side-eye. With that sort of fuck up before, he wasn’t about to agree not to that. No matter how much sighing and nervous muttering the clerk did. Thankfully, it didn’t take the clerk nearly as long to rewrite their records and hand over the gold they were owed. When it was all over, Journal and Aiden gave each other an uncertain look. “... welp. Guess we better go get settled in,” Aiden said hesitantly. “... right,” Journal huffed sulkily. He hated how positive Aiden was trying to be about all this. He wasn’t about to get all “buddy buddy” with a guy he didn’t know. Even if they were stuck together. “You don’t touch my stuff, I won’t touch yours.” “Ooookay then… fair enough.” Good. And with that, Journal turned on his heel and left for the stairs. He couldn’t stay in that room any longer. Kicked out of home, stuck living in a loud town, with a complete stranger as his roommate… What in Revaew’s web had he gotten himself into…?

[firebirdsdaughter]

Eeeeeeeeeee!…

… Ahem.

Fire is back at it again w/ Ryusoulger raws bc she really liked this episode, and is really excited for the next one.

In no order:

Aw. I think Touwa is a little lonely. ^^ Life when your older brother is literally terrified of other people, but just pretends he’s angry all the time.

Kou is so happy. XD Banba doesn’t care, but Touwa clearly likes being obnoxious. ^^

It was clever of him to bring something to keep them from walking away. XD

Touwa’s like, ‘you give us the map,’ but Kou is like ‘no, wait, I stole this!’

This was actually really refreshing. ^^ When was the last time Touwa had someone to act like a kid w/? These two are absolutely going to be the little sibling problem children. XD

Banba is so very done already. Welcome to your new life, honey. <3

I love Kou being fascinated by Touwa’s leaf-cutting abilities right up until Touwa claims he won. XD

MY BOYS GET TO TRANSFORM AND ROLLCALL!!! TT_TT

Still gonna cry my little eyes out when all five of them finally do the ‘blades of justice’ speech. ^^

The problem children are at it again. XD

Oh, Melto’s breaking out the ‘sensible one’ voice, too.

I need new emoticons.

Tankjoh knocks Kou and Touwa into a fountain and Banba is just… There suddenly. ^^ Like, ‘hello, did you just hit my brother?’ Also, cool reveal shot w/ that water splash.

I… I think there’s a pun going on here.

Banba totally just held his own there, against Tankjoh. XD Like, he might not have made any headway, but he did manage to essentially tie w/ the guy who’s been taking everyone out in one hit. Though I’m not sure how much longer he would have lasted had Tankjoh hung around.

That was a more muted version on the big brother voice than we heard in the preview.

Aw, Touwa feels bad. It’s okay, sweetie. Literally, though, his brother is the only person he’s ever apologised to. Admittedly, it’s only been, like, two eps.

If what created this Minusaur is meant to be foreshadowing/hinting at the general thing I’d like to think it’s hinting at, good on you, Ryusoulger (I mean, I love you anyway, you’re really helping me get through the week, but, also, hell YES).

Touwa’s also watching Banba when Kou asks about killing the kid. DX I definitely think Touwa is not quite as desensitised as Banba has gotten to be.

Notably, Banba says nothing, nor does anything. I don’t know if he’d already figured out who the Minusaur’s real host was, but I highly doubt they’d have him be willing to kill a kid… Esp if I’m reading what I think the implications are right about his and Touwa’s family. I’m thinking even more that he almost exclusively raised his brother, I don’t see him being willing to actually harm a child w/out remembering that.

Kou produces the map, and immediately gets chastised by his mom and dad friends for stealing. XD

Melto is absolutely the mom friend and Asuna dad friend.

Baba retreats against the wall rather than join the huddle. XD One day, sweetie. Being part of the team means being part of the team hugs meetings.

Oh my god… It goes by so fast, and when I first watched I was watching the four in the foreground… When Melto say something––I think it’s about splitting into teams?––Banba’s head snaps around and he looks shocked/freaked out for a moment… Like, you can hardly see it over the map, Kou’s shoulder, and Touwa’s arm… Might try to get a screen shot and put it at the bottom of this post.

He promptly retaliates by ignoring Asuna. XD

It’s okay, Asuna, it’s not you, he hates almost everyone. Also he’s probably trying to get this over w/ bc he’s worried about his brother.

He totally only agreed to these teams to foist the problem children on Melto for awhile, though. XD

Melto spends this entire scene finding out why, too. ^^

But he intercedes as mom friend just in time when things start getting growly again. :D

New face!

Banba being the one to connect the Minusaur’s behaviour to an adult/older person playing w/ a child… Is he thinking of him raising his brother, or back when their parents had time for them? (I’ll explain that a little later)

‘Children, I won’t kill. Neglectful parents are fair game, I have issues. >:K’ Oh, Banba. DX Obviously this outlook wouldn’t go away after one episode, but I do think what spawned the Minusaur here is meant to reflect something about his and Touwa’s past…

Okay. Touwa’s reaction when Banba explains (quite nice of him to include the trio in that call, too ^^) that the Minusaur could have been born from the father’s guilt at being too busy to play w/ his son. That really looks like it’s hitting a chord. I mean, he’s transformed, but there’s a dramatic silence, the camera spins around him, and there’s a ‘shing’ sound like something important is occurring. So I’m thinking that maybe that Banba ended up essentially raising his brother bc of that same reason––their parents were too busy, or something like it, to be w/ their children at all. Maybe they didn’t used to be like that, and where around for Banba’s childhood, but something changed by the time Touwa was born and they weren’t there for him, leading to his brother stepping in. And then, presumably, they died at some point. Bc something screwed these boys up, and I really wanna know what, Toei!

Kou just runs away w/ Melto and Asuna. XD

THEY WERE STUCK! BUT NOW THEY ARE FREE! HOORAY! TT_TT

And what does an angry cat do the moment you let it out of its cage? XD SCRATCH.

Mister ‘give advice like I wasn’t ready to kill you two minutes ago, no hard feelings’ Banba. ^^

Also, speaking of that line… Not only is it clearly set up for Banba’s motivations next ep, it convinces me even more that something happened to their parent(s)… ‘Nothing is more important than family’ is a stock Sentai theme, but here we’ve got it coming from mister well-intentioned extremist anti-hero man. Really wanna know what happened to these boys… Hopefully we’ll get more info next ep?

Vaguely disappointed that Banba named MirNeedle. XD He almost smiled, though. ^^ Also made a really cute face when he heard Touwa and TigerLance approaching, too. <3

Actually, that look make sit seem like he’s really (secretly?) glad that Touwa stopped him…

I sit corrected. This is where the ‘didn’t think you’d stop me’ line is from… Eh, maybe it’s his catchphrase. XD

But now I’m also like, is there going to be a sort of ‘YJ¡Batman and Robin’ angle to them? I still currently hc that Banba secretly carries a lot of guilt for the things he’s willing to do for the mission, so it would be interesting to see a plotline about him being invested in Touwa not turning out like him.

And maybe if one or both of their parents were awful… Could be he considers it too late for him to not end up as some level of as bad, but he wants to try and protect Touwa from that? Maybe he didn’t think he could before, but he’s wondering if he can use these three to do that? I dunno, I’m just stream of consciousness-ing.

His eyebrow game was on point this episode, too…

Alternatively, maybe their parent(s) merely died before/not long after Touwa was born, so he never got to meet them, and that was why he took it so hard? Hmm…

I dunno, Touwa, I’m not sure you want them rubbing off on you. These four are absolute dumbs. I love them, but they have no sensible judgement abilities.

Preview?: I am SO EXCITED. Was not expecting the ‘Touwa gets hurt and Banba breaks down’ ep so soon. ^^ Makes sense, though. It’s definitely going to show the trio he’s not as stoic as he’s been acting––not to mention how much he loves his brother. Hoping we also get some more solid info on their past, too. Apparently he and Kou kind of start to bond, so it looks like we’ll be beginning the beginning of the adoption process. XD Gods, I hate having to wait another week… Well, at least there’s stuff going on next weekend, so I can get through the day faster. ^^

Virtual truffles for anyone who read all that. No, not the mushroom, though you’re welcome to those if you prefer them. XD

All in all, I liked this episode, I’m curious as to whether it really does reflect/foreshadow/hint at something about the brothers’ past (I hope it does), and I am very excited for the next ep. Also, there’s the possibility of getting more scans and stuff, not to mention the announcement for the newest Ultraman! Hopefully, I can keep myself busy. ^^

Also, those moments I mentioned:

See? He goes from largely disinterested and looking away…

… To being almost alarmed.

Well, it’s hard to express w/ caps, but… I dunno. Looks alarmed for Banba, I guess. His eyebrows go up for a moment, trust me. DX Also, smiling about his brother:

I really think he’s happy Touwa stopped him. ^^ (I made a valiant effort to try and include the eyebrow thing he did, but failed).

Also, even if it was about something serious, and I think there was some serious meaning behind it, there was also a cute, teasing ‘big brother’ sort of edge that was really adorable. XD

Hardy handshake for anyone who counts how many emoticons I used in the course of this post.

[nctjournal]

Childhood Friends (Jaemin)

Gif Credit

word count: 3185

An au where you are an idol in another company and you were told to collab with nct dream. What you didn’t know that you’d be able to see your childhood friend again.

So you’re from this small company

And you’re in a group with 6 other members

You debuted, but sadly, no one really knows you

Except international fans, but you didn’t want to translate what they say to the other members

Of course, unless it’s directly towards them

“Why would you look at the replies that are to me?” they’d complain

“???? SO I CAN TRANSLATE IT FOR YOU????”

“Right, right.”

That’s in korean or whatever language you want it to be that’s not english

Oh, by the way, most of you are ‘00 line 

Or all but one

Yeah let’s make it all but one

Oh yeah, you were supposed to have 12 members, but he company decided to split you guys into 2 different groups and each ‘99 liner (Or older) were put into each since there were only 2 of them

Anyways, that’s all your company has bc auditions who?

Even your company isn’t confident, but they still try the best they could to promote your group and the second half

They’re not the biggest but they’re the BEST at trying to promote

Even in your group’s break, you guys still practice, either cover dances or freestyle and you post them on youtube or your other social media as a preview

One of the days, while you guys were practicing, your manager popped up out of nowhere, which means it’s something important, because they never show up while you were practicing

luckily, your manager was chill when it comes to your group, to the point where you could call them their actual name, but you guys decided not to

“Manager! What are you doing here?” one of your members asked

“Remembered when I was joking about us being able to collab?”

“It got pretty sad afterwards, because we’re such a small company, but yeah.” said the youngest

Your manager took out their phone and showed an email, with another company

Everyone but you immediately got close to the phone while you just sat there

Just a few seconds later and you hear your members screaming

Was that a happy scream or a sad scream?

When you saw their faces, you instantly knew it was a happy scream

“WE’RE GONNA COLLAB WITH SOMEONE FROM A BIG COMPANY!” they scream at you in unison

Ok?????

A collab, cool

That's what you thought

This is late, but did I mentioned that you had a childhood friend?

He was your best friend, but you lost contact with him when you moved to the states at a young age

You hardly remember what he looks like, and forgot his name

Maybe you’ll remember if you see him

ANYWAYS BACK TO THE COLLAB PART

You just sat there as they scream at your face

Not that it’s the first time it has happened

“So, who is it with?” you casually ask

The look on the members’ faces tell you that they didn’t check

As expected

“This group called nct dream. Apparently they’re your age, so you should get along with them fine.”

Nct dream?

You honestly have no idea who they are, except for the fact they’re from a big company

You have no idea how to feel about this, but a collab is a collab

“Maybe Y/N can make the choreo again!” Someone said

“I’m not even that good, especially when we’re going to be performing with a popular group. Heck, we might even get bashed on!”

“It’s fine, we just do what you said, ‘we get what we get.’” your manager said

Well they’re not wrong

“We’re meeting them in a few days, so be mentally prepared.”

You guys nodded and just went back to practicing

Skipping to that few days

Your members kept freaking out about it and they shook you so many times that you almost fell

Your manager had to tell them to chill out and scolded them, which is the first time they had scolded your group for something like this

You basically left them behind as you entered the company building

You hear them running after you

Sigh

Why are they like this?

You were looking around to find the place you needed to go

well, you can’t find it, great

you find someone that could help

“excuse me, do you know where the studio is?”

turns out to be a very tall man with dark hair

“are you that girl group that collaborating with them?” he asked

them as in who?

you nodded anyways

“just go down that hall and you’ll see 7 boys.” he pointed

“thank you.” you said and went to the direction

didn’t know that you caught him off guard by saying your thanks in english 

that’s your habit and that’s the only english word your members know

anyways, you made it to the studio and boy did you make everyone freeze

the whole studio was silent, which made you anxious

“are you… nct dream?” you said quietly

one of them stood up, “oh! you’re the one we’re collaborating with!”

his voice is loud and somewhat high pitched

you slowly nod as you were pushed by your members, trying to enter the room all of a sudden

luckily you didn’t fall

“i don’t think 14 of us isn’t going to fit in this studio.” your manager said from the door

their manager seems to agree, but they don’t seem to have a bigger studio

“It’s fine, we’ll sit on the floor like we always do.” one of your members said

they thought that it was rude to let guests sit in the floor but you were already sitting before they even mention that

your members sat next to you on the floor

boom

you all fit

and your manager can enter too

“shall we introduce each other before we start?” your manager said

and you did

you knew their name and face almost instantly

and then there’s your members trying to match

you sat there and wait as they took forever to know them

you can hear them already interacting with each other and matching themselves

you thought it was annoying to pair up but you got used to it 

then it was actually time to start

out of everyone in your group, you were the only one actually talking to the producer

you have them suggestions and things both groups could try

of course the boys were amazed by your knowledge

your group is just used to this

luckily it turned out well

when it was the moment a member from both groups sing together, they tried to match it by pitch

of course you were stuck with jaemin

speaking of jaemin, that name has been bothering you for awhile

like

‘do i know someone with that name?’

‘why the heck does he look so familiar?’

whatever, you dropped your thoughts

now comes the fun part, the dancing part

the issue is, jaemin smiles so much and you, not so much

you two are pretty much opposites

well, opposites attract, in magnet terms at least

it seems like they got the dancing part planned out

not fun in your case, because you’d always help

one of your members pat your back

“it’s okay, you can make a choreo when we get back to our company.”

you nodded, but still disappointed

anyways

you watched the dancers dance, watching both parts

well this isn’t your style but you kinda just man up about it 

as always, it didn’t take you long to learn it, thank god you’re a fast learner

you helped your members on that part, and yep, they’re still lost

while the teaching is going on, still, you practiced on the side

the song and dance is more cute and casual

which is fine with you, but your face just doesn’t want to smile

you get called out on it, but hey, so what?

the boys tried to tickle you, but you weren’t ticklish

instead, they tickled jaemin, causing him to yell at them while laughing and falling to the floor

you just watched while it happened without a change in expression

they stopped when they saw you not reacting

your youngest member pouted

“Y/N! You’re not smiling!”

you can’t help but shrug

“Y/N.” you hear your manager calling you

you walked over to them, wondering why the called for you

“Is something bothering you?”

“no, why?”

“you’re not doing anything much, and you smiled at your freestyle dancing, especially the songs that are more happy and upbeat. something is definitely wrong.”

you look back to see them going back to practicing, then looked back at your manager

“it’s jaemin.” you said quietly

“what’s wrong with him? do you not like him?”

“it’s not that, it’s something else. I’ll tell you later, i need to practice.”

“alright then, don’t think about it too much.”

“i won’t, hopefully.”

then you went back to practice

That was when your manager remembered the time you told them about forgetting your childhood friend

Of course all you remember is how close you guys were

Which is why Jaemin seemed to have bothered you so much

In the dance, you apparently switch partners

So your group has someone new, and you got Jeno

You just practiced and sooner or later, while you were with Jeno, your smile naturally came out

To be honest, it’s the first time you smiled around your members

When you guys finally finished dancing to the whole song, your smile lasted until you stopped doing your ending pose

Of course everyone was tired, including you, but you still have some energy left

Well, until your members tackled you in a hug

“Get off, you’re crushing me!” You yelled 

Took them awhile to get off of you, but the youngest still clinged onto you

“You have such a cute smile! Why don’t you smile around us?” one asked

You just stared at them

Then you stuck your tongue at them

They tackled you while the youngest is in your arms

You can hear the boys laughing at your relationship with them

“Okay guys, time to get back to practicing again.” you hear both managers say

God bless

Your dumb brain finally remembers who the hell nct dream is

Because your group made a cover of their songs

Well, while you were sick anyways

So when the dancer accidently puts on my first and last

Both groups started dancing

Except you and Jaemin of course

You guys kinda just watch until the dancer stops the music and apologizes for the wrong music choice

You can hear your group talking about how long has it been since you guys danced a cover

Which seems to be the only thing they do when you’re sick

Welp, you guys finally got into your position

You didn’t look at Jaemin, but you can tell that he was staring at you

It looks like something’s bothering him, but he keeps it to himself

Then you guys started

What caught your eye is your manager leaving the room, because of a phone call

Luckily, you didn’t mess up while practicing while you looked at your manager

Now was the time to switch partners, you greeted Jeno with the tiniest smile as you guys danced

You guys ended with a large heart, and you with a calming smile

By the time you guys were done, your manager came back as they hung up the call

“Y/N, your parents wants to know how you were doing, and I told them you were doing fine.”

You nodded as you were drying off your sweat with your shirt

“And apparently, they want to know how Jaemin is doing as well, and I told them the same thing.”

You froze as you knew that Jaemin looked over with a confused look

Then you face changed to a confused expression

Then you just sat down on the floor to stretch

“They’re probably just a fan of their group.”

Let’s skip to weeks later when you finally perform this collab

Your members are hella nervous, especially when they’re used to performing in small places

For you, you’re kinda used to this

You don’t know why but your youngest member somehow broke into tears

You had to sit with them, reassuring the that it’s okay and drying off their tears

You were busy drying their tears as Dream knocked and one of your members opened the door

The youngest immediately covered their face when they saw dream

You didn’t know until you turned around and saw them by the door

To be honest, it took you awhile for the youngest to calm down

You gave them a gentle smile, which seems to make them feel better almost instantly

Then both groups are off to the stage

You both danced well and unfortunately, the stage was really wet

Not a surprise to both groups

When one of your members slipped, their partner would catch them

When the youngest slips, their partner was also the youngest in the group, and couldn’t catch them

Except your natural reaction came in and catch them, and you ended up hurting your shoulder

The youngest was surprised the most, because damn did you hit your shoulder hard on the stage floor

You both got back up and you went to your new partner

You danced as if nothing happened, but GOD did it hurt

When you did the ending pose, you had to switch with Jeno, because you feel like your arm is going to snap off if you didn’t

You guys also sang another song as you go through the audience, walking around and greeting with them

You hear someone in the audience calling your name in the same area as you are

You looked around, until you see them waving their hand

Of course it was easy to find them, because everyone else were interested in Dream than your group

You froze when you realized it was your parents, and what it seems like to be Jaemin’s parents as well but you didn’t know that

They both were extremely worried, especially your mom when she heard that loud sound of your shoulder hitting the floor

You hear footsteps going towards you

Of course it was Jaemin

“Are you okay?”

You nodded

But really it's hurting like a bitch

Anyways, Jaemin looked at the crowd and found his parents, waving at them with a huge smile

“We’ll meet you at your company.” You hear your parents say in English

Jaemin and his parents were confused about the english, but you just nodded

You hear your parents telling the parents next to them what they said in Korean as you were told to go back

When you got back to your room, you see the youngest crying again

You don’t blame them of course, because they were extremely surprised when they heard your shoulder hit the floor

You tried to tell them so many times that it’s okay, but this time, they shook their head every time you said it

Really, out of all times that you prevented your members from getting injured, this one had to impact the most

You pat their head as you heard the door knock again

One of the members by the door looked at you and you nodded, telling them to open it

You thought it would be the Dream team, but turns out it was your parents

Your members immediately stiffened up when you shouted mom and dad

“Honey, are you okay?”

You nodded as you continue to pat the youngest member’s head

Luckily, it was one of those where it’ll just hurt for awhile and recover on its own

Your manager came in as your parents turned around, then they bowed to them as a greet

Your mom chuckled, telling them that they didn’t have to bow

That’s right, your parents like things really casual

You hear someone calling your parents names and you all turned to the door, seeing the same two parents your parents were with in the audience

Apparently your parents are friends with them

You bowed while sitting to greet them and all you hear is a soft chuckle from them

“Mom, Dad, you said we’re going somewhere after this, right? Where are we going?”

Well isn’t that voice familiar

“Be patient, don’t rush your parents.”

And another familiar voice

But really, he’s just being curious on where they’re going

“We should get going.” Your Manager said

“We’ll follow.” Your parents said

Off you went

Here we are at your company

You held ice at your shoulder while you guys entered and entered the practice room where there was more room

You guys sat on the floor, as well as your parents

You guys sat in a circles and waited, though you don’t know why

Soon, you heard footsteps coming closer, which made you confused, since you guys should be the only ones here

Then you see some shadows and some head popping out of the door

“Oh, it’s you guys!” Chenle said, and told them that there are people in this room

Now you see more people entering the practice room

They all bowed as they entered and you just watched while your membered greeted them back

Your parents sat next to you on both sides and you mom held the ice for you so your arm wouldn’t get tired

There was an awkward silence until your parents started talking about how you were when you were young

Damn that caught you off guard so bad

Suddenly, everyone was paying attention to your parents as they talked about you

They talked about how smiley you were as a kid especially how energetic you were

You’d run around so much outside and dance so much inside the house

Apparently they have a video of it, but they’re nice enough to not show it

Until Jaemin asked for it

You grabbed your mom’s phone so fast and put it in your pocket

But then your mom got it back anyways and showed it

You were bouncing around

Then there was a video of you successfully doing flips and all kinds of moves at age 10, or around there

“Oh my god, Y/N, that’s you!?” your members would say

Then your dad suddenly mentioned that you would miss Jaemin when you moved to the states at age 3 and cry a lot

Jaemin’s parents would mention that he did the same!

Everyone started laughing and you two just sat there clueless because ‘WHEN WAS THIS?’

You two tried to protest but there’s no going back now

“You two were so cute together, even Jaemin talked about how much he loves you.” his mom said

Both of you were covering your faces with embarrassment

Jaemin started to roll out of the circle, which is something you couldn’t do sadly

“Wait, we were friends?” Jaemin asked as he returned to the circle

“No wonder why your name and face seemed familiar!” you said

“God you guys sound like those cliche movie moments.” your members said

“Oh shut up.”

[madestrcng]

tagged by: @dcputyrook​ tagging: whomest ever

BASICS:

Name: Bee ;w; Age: 22 Pronouns: they / them Sexuality: Gay Zodiac sign: Capricorn  Taken or single: single pringle Four Things About This Blog: ✘ I originally made it to be a John Seed blog while I was still playing through the game, but after considering and playing more of it, I decided on Staci instead.  ✘ Partly why I decided on Staci was because he was similar to a muse I use to play that I missed, and mostly because I found @badwclv​‘s blog in the tags while I was on my personal and I just ???? wanted to have a reason to write with them and I hadn’t seen any blogs for Staci when I looked. So I was the first to write him on here. ✘ uuuuuuh, a lot of Staci’s backstory is based on previous characters I played from other fandoms that I thought were similar, my own personal experience (see below), and some fanfics I had read about him. His secondary verse (cult verse) is heavily influenced by a fanfic actually. Embarrassing to admit haha I just found the story concept and Staci’s development interesting and I wanted to see where I could go with that. ✘ I write Staci as being Native American and had grown up on the Rez. Mostly because I myself am Native American and grew up and lived on an Indian reservation all my life before moving for College. I decided to do this partly because of how Staci looked (nonwhite, dark hair, etc), and also based on the general area of where this might all take place. Montana is home to a lot of different Indigenous tribes, like The Cheyenne, Crow Nation, Bitterroot Salish, Blackfoot, just to name a few. I decided on Blackfoot because their reservation is North of where Hope County is supposed to be set. Idk if that is really that interesting but I just ??? wanted to do it, because not a lot is known about Staci before EG, and I found it as a way to build his character and connect to him more personality. Like, if he and I shared experiences even if they were mundane and small, it would make writing him more real to me?? Idk f that makes sense, but point is that bc of this I created like 5 other FC5 OCs or Other Characters (Wheaty) on my multi who are also Indigenous and I get to thrive??? writing native characters??? Thanks I suck lmao

Three Mun Facts: ✘ I will go the fuck off about character theories or headcanons for the most minor characters ever. I only really do it on discord because I fear being annoying and spamming but, I got some deep ass metas in my head. ✘ I wanted to be a filmmaker since I was 4 years old, and I made some short films in middle school and high school. So when I graduated I moved across the country a month later and went to film school. I graduated with a degree in film & cinematography, and every time I watch Inside Eden’s Gate or any of the shorts made for Far Cry, I cry because I wanna make some shit like that. Super wild. ✘ I can play bass guitar and use to be able to play piano like a mf but I stopped and now I’m really rusty. Anyway, hire me to be your bassist in your punk band ;3c

EXPERIENCE:

How’d you start: I rped Naruto over texting with my best friend in Middle School. Platforms you’ve used:  I pretty much jumped right into tumblr after that, never did the forums or anything. I think for awhile we used skype :0 but I only really rped over skype, email, facebook, and texting on and off for awhile with her. But I found uuuuuh, a Durarara!! rp group randomly like two years later and was like oh???  Anyway, so I’ve used skype, email, tumblr, aim??, facebook, and I now RP on Discord a lot more. Best experience: honestly hard to say, I think when I just met people I really hit it off with and we just meshed well is always the best. But if I have to be specific uuuuh, I once joined an RP group about Gods or something, and I eventually got my best friends to join which is what got them into Rping. Also through it I met another girl who became like, my best friend online for YEARS after that, from age like, 13 to age 20?? And also bc I was a big gay, I fell in love with her which uuh, didn’t end well but point is that, the best part is just making friends who you love and adore who stick with you even after the group or fandom you were in together dies.  Worst experience:  fuck ok honestly, I had someone who would hound me to ship all the time, and would follow me every time I moved blogs. They would constantly hound me to write smut with them (even tho I was underage) and if I said no they would just be like oh well too bad and would start writing their character doing some shit with mine and get really fucking mean to me if I didn’t reply. Also would constantly bug me to reply to them and guilt trip me, even if I wasn’t home to reply or if I was at school, they would get really mean and vicious about it. And would post horrible shit about me on the dash and stuff when I wasn’t home to reply to our threads.

And they would constantly like, play if off like I was the bad guy and the abusive one and was overall just really toxic and super mean to me and my friends? Pushed away my other shipping partners, forced me to tell my best friend I cant ship with her anymore or else??? And we were all like, 14 or 15 at the time when we met them, and they were like, 36 and had a kid and was married. I didn’t get away from them until I was like, 18 :))) and they had made so many people dislike me and shit because of the dumbass stuff they said about me, so I had to leave tumblr for awhile. Anyway when I came back like, months later a bunch of people had come out of the woodwork who I don’t even remember to apologize to me and be like wow some shit went down and this person showed their true colors and everyone kinda realized they were toxic and a liar bc I guess they tried to do it to some other people. It was wild.

MUSE PREFERENCES:

Original or canon: Canon usually Favourite face: oh geez uuuh, i guess Rami Malek since I’ve used him A LOT, or Erin Richards. Least favorite face: idk man, I guess people who use FCs who are dead irl makes me uncomfy. It just feels weird to me :/ Or people who use White FCs for nonwhite characters, sometimes its up to interpretation though like a video game character or something. But when it’s super obvious a poc and they use a white fc it’s super weird for me. Multi or single: both, but I have trouble maintaining a multi.

WRITING PREFERENCES:

Plots or memes: plot usually, sometimes I don’t know what to do with memes or I don’t know what the other writer is comfortable with. I like to hash things out and make a game plan so I don’t screw something up. Best time to write:  I usually write at night, but sometimes I crank out replies during the day if I have time or if the muses suddenly strikes. Do you like your muse(s):   I love all my muses so much it hurts wowie How long (months/years?): uuuuuh, started in 6th grade so uuuuh, 11 or so years now?? Something like that, I feel like my writing peeked in high school but then again, if I look back at it, it was probably all cringy and dark bc I was a little edgelord.

[sage-the-mage]

Okay so like a month/month and a half ago I was bored at work and let my mind wander while cleaning (as I frequently do, my brain constantly jumps from thing to thing when I'm bored) and accidentally created an AU I've been obsessing over since. It started out as me wondering what would happen if Miraculous Ladybug was in the same universe as DC (specifically the "takes bits and pieces from different things because the actual comics usually have me screaming no because of the bullshit they do to my babies and anyway I like Teen Titans (2003) and Young Justice and the animated movies so I'm gonna amalgamate them a bit" verseI made with Mal that's constantly going in my head). But nothing really changed so I kept doing things and wound up combining two things that didn't need to be put together and made Marinette not exist in the verse and- That was when I realized I had a problem but really didn't care. Sooo since I'm not doing great today I decided I'm just making a long probably rambling post for this verse because maybe it'll make me feel better. -Chara and Mal came to earth when they were nine and got adopted by Bruceman almost instantly -Dickiebird is two years older than them but Chara will always claim "oldest" when coming up with plans and is questioned on who put her in charge and he really doesn't fight her on it because she's definitely the most responsible -Idk the actual age differences between everyone in the batfam so I'm making up my own -Ironically enough, when Mal and Chara first got into the heroing thing, Chara's chosen alias was Ladybug. Because she liked ladybugs -Mal and Chara spent their first four years on earth trying to find their father, then never actually went to see him once they did because they were both nervous -Plus Jason had just been taken in and they wanted to get to know their new little bro -Jay's a year younger than them -Another year after that, when Mal and Chara were thirteen, Chara almost died -Mal and Dickie had already decided to move to Jump for awhile and try being heros without The Bat, and Chara decided to let Ladybug die (since the villains already thought she was) for awhile so she could see what a normal life was like -She then sought out her father to actually meet him -Who lived in Paris with his wife -They own a bakery -You have to see where this is going -The girls' mother Miranda visited earth at one point (for science) and wound up "dating" (it was like a week lmao so I'm not sure it counts as dating) Tom Dupain while she was there -Then after she left she found out she was pregnant and he wound up meeting Sabine Cheng -Also Miranda seemed to have a thing for accidentally having half human kids after visiting earth -Because that had happened before with some other human -Except the father of those ones knew about it -So she kept one (Valerie) and let the father keep one on earth -And there we have Slade -Because I just like torturing my babies by having him related to them too damn much -Anyway -So Chara goes and surprises her dad with her existence -But he and Sabine are both more than happy to let her live with them -Chara had already thought of Bruceman as her dad (and Selina as a mom tbh) and now she has another mom and dad and it was great -Mal came by to meet them and it was great -I should write that tbh -French is one of the languages Chara hadn't picked up working in the batfam so she had to learn there -This leads to slip-ups and uncertain stuttering that Chloe makes fun of her for relentlessly -Chloe still a bitch -She manages to have a normal life for a full year!!! -Then mysteriously gets these earrings that turn her into a superhero themed like- get this- a ladybug -Oh the irony -I feel I've gotten more sarcastic as this post goes on -Also she gets her first crush on a sweet cinnamon roll model boy and made friends with a girl who really likes superheros -In case you couldn't tell that's Adrien and Alya -Chara can talk to Adrien better than Marinette can in the show -She still stammeres a lot but it's not nearly as bad and it's usually blamed on her not knowing the language confidently yet -She pretty quickly settles into her role as Ladybug again -She even likes Chat Noir's stupid puns -Not that she'd tell him while they're battling akumas -Then Jay dies -And she's sadder than normal but no one knows why exactly -Because she's pretty private about her life and family back in Gotham -Anyway over the next few years she becomes pretty good friends with Alya and Nino and Adrien while doing the hero thing with Chat -Because I have a soft spot for the MariChat branch, that is definitely a thing -Chat likes to see what "Purrrincess" is up to because she's less stuttery and more jokey for some reason when he's Chat instead of Adrien??? -The reason being Chara knows Chat won't make fun of her for her language slip-ups because he hadn't while she's LB -Either way Chat likes seeing her like that -And Chara comes to appreciate his jokes and just him in general -And she kinda gives up on Adrien because surely if it was meant to be it would be easier -And Chat's accepted LB doesn't want to be anything more than friends -So one day while they're hanging in Chara's room Chat kisses her -And then they're making out on her bed -And it becomes a thing -And a couple weeks later Chara shows up one day covered in hiccies -So does Adrien -Neither offers an explanation and Chara doesn't seem to be upset by seeing hiccies by the collar of his shirt so everyone assumes they hooked up, which is truer than Chara realizes -Chara winds up telling Alya it was actually Chat and holy hell Alya totally flips -"GIRL HOW THE HELL HAVE YOU WOUND UP WITH CHAT FREAKING NOIR!!!" -Chara shushes her and tells her it's not like that -Really they're just friends with benefits because surely Chat, who seemed to flirt with everyone (though if she payed attention, she'd see it was only her as Chara and LB) wouldn't want to actually DATE her -Jump to a few months later, LB and Chat finally defeated Hawkmoth -They agreed to not reveal Gabriel's identity, as long as he gave up the moth miraculous -LB was very reluctant to do this, which confused Chat -Chat, after finding out HM was Gabe and his reason for wanting the cat and ladybug miraculouses was to bring his mom back bc he's even worse with Emotions (tm) than Bats, wanted to give him a second chance, and was confused why LB (not knowing she was trained by Bats and lived in Gotham) is so reluctant to give a second chance -After they leave Chara decides to reveal herself to Chat because without HM as a problem anymore that shouldn't be an issue and really it's been nearly four years and she really REALLY likes him so -Chat is just stunned because shit his lady and his purrincess are one and the same and wait he kissed Ladybug and she actually was interested in him just not while they were fighting and fuck his father was the guy they've been up against for the last four years she DEFINITELY wouldn't be in him now -Chara sees the shock on his face and, because she's pretty confident in herself, assumes he wasn't as ready for a reveal and tells him not to tell him who he is yet, he clearly isn't ready -Chat just kisses her and detransforms anyway and Chara's the one who's shocked -Jump again to a few weeks later when Chara goes on a visit to Gotham as she does every few months -She's kept up well with the growing Batfamily and keeps a good relationship with all of them -She acts as a mother to all of them, including Dick -She's pretty protective of Timmy -Damian wouldn't admit it, but she's actually his favorite -She's not judgmental of the fact he grew up an assassin or telling him constantly to not kill people, and actually gives him tips on how to adapt (which she'd used herself after coming to earth), and she's not always around so he doesn't have to deal with constant hugs, only when she's visiting, so it's a manageable amount -Jay's the only one she hasn't kept up with, and that's only because no one told her he came back -So Chara comes for one of her visits and brings Adrien and Alya and Nino (who've been informed of their secret identities) -Almost immediately there's an attack at the coffee shop they stop in by a fairly weak villain -Probably Riddler or smthn -Chara Ladybugs up and kicks his ass within two minutes -Cue people cheering and being excited at seeing Ladybug again -AGAIN -Chara goes back to Chara and Alya just -"GIRL YOU GOT SOME 'SPLAININ' TO DO" -Chara hesitates then takes the distraction of noticing someone -That someone winds up being Jay -He'd heard what was going off then sprinted off when he saw it was taken care of -Chara chases -Confused af when she sees it's Jay -But also excited because her first little brother is ALIVE -And she's just chattering and hugging him -And then he starts bawling and she's not sure why -But she's rocking him and muttering soothing nonsense and petting his hair -And he's curled in her lap like a little kid and just sobbing and holding onto her and he's just so happy someone's loving him and caring about him -Once he calms down he tells her that he had come back and the whole story with that and how after he hadn't followed the no kill rule a few times and the rest of the family was weary at best towards him -Mal was nice enough to him at least but still it wasn't great -Chara just keeps holding him and rocking him and assuring him that he's still part of the family and more importantly he's still her little brother and she'll always be his big sister -She reminds him how before she moved to Paris she promised she'd be there for him whenever he needed and says that still applies -The others finally find where she'd went and she tells them everything -Bruceman might be mad but shhhh he can deal she trusts them with her life -They finally make it to Wayne Manor and they all get along pretty damn well -Even Jay -I should write that too -Aaaand that's all for now

[matsunjun]

Since I haven’t posted in awhile...I’ll talk about Sunday. I worked at Westminster, and that’s when I was asked to help them out at least 2x per week. I said I was fine with it, but inside I didn’t want to lmao. After a full open-close shift there (it was Sunday so it was a shorter day), I went home and got ready for my branch’s May quota dinner. It was fancy--we went to Benihana. However everyone ordered such expensive shit that in the end, we all still had to fork $25 each lmao. And here I thought I was getting a free dinner lmao. Oh well...

Work today was pretty okay. I was able to do my tasks in a timely manner, and I even managed to joke around with my boss. I showed them the bday drawing I did of ME, and they seemed pretty impressed. Boss even wanted to print it into a canvas to give to her on her bday. 

Boss and I had a chat about my upcoming work situation. The DM wanted me to be able to help out more at the other branch, and she even first offered to completely transfer me there and for my boss to find another part-timer. I’m so so glad my boss refused lol. He said he put all their time into training me and they don’t plan on letting me go. ;w; Yay.

So now, I will be working 3 days at my home branch, and 3 days at the other location. Working a total of 6 days, and most likely hitting 48 hours per week. I will be stretched very thin but I have to continue because I need to make and save money. On the other hand, I’ve been doing pencil commissions of my coworkers, so that’s probably what I will be doing on my one day off per week lol. It’s hard to keep up with doing things I like now, I’m behind on otome events, other games I play, and I don’t draw for myself anymore. To give myself some sort of sanity, I decided to start watching Nino’s JDrama, Black Pean. It’s pretty good. It’s taking me awhile to catch up bc of my schedule but at least I have that.

Anyways, back to the topic. At my home branch, they do the scheduling monthly, so I already have my full schedule for the month, and the other branch does it weekly, so boss and I had to let the other branch’s boss, LMD, know which days she can have me in for this month. We came across a situation, where I had 4 days off in one week, so I already made plans for 3 of those days. And when I told Mr. R, he was like...well u said you wanted to help them, but now you’re saying you can’t. :CCC  But it was just for that week! So I sighed, and gave up one of the days, but asking if I can open instead, so I can still have the rest of the night to hang out with WS. It got shortened, but WS was fine with it. I couldn’t give up the other 2 days because those plans are for bday celebrations and require me to travel up to the Valley. Also, today, Mr. R did a second evaluation for me today, since it’s necessary in order to process that 50 cent raise I originally wanted as my starting salary lol. And it’s still a pretty low salary hahaha fml. But 50 cents higher is better than how much im making now. And before I left work, I asked to borrow one of the charging USB cables because mine broke last night, and I still have to wait for the order to arrive lololol. Luckily, he was cool with it...

I open at the other branch tomorrow, and it makes me a bit nervous because it’s nearly a half hour drive. I’ve never driven there before lmao, bc I always got dropped off since it’s too far for a driving noob like myself. But no one can help me out tom so I have to brave it out. I might have to leave like 2 hours early HAHAHA just bc idk the drive there T_T Luckily I pumped gas earlier today.

Anyways, I will be turning in for the night. I’ve been really trying hard to sleep earlier these past few days. Taking my melatonin and errthang. I even try harder with my skincare routine, bc I am breaking out like mf. T-T stresssss lol. Hopefully everything will be worth it in the end. Night~~

[nothinglessmemories]

A Post that I really don’t know if I should post

Wow okay here we go, we’re doing this.

You all are probably wondering, what is this? Is everything good? Is she good? The answer to all of these questions is yes, I am good. The reasons I’m sitting here writing this is 1.) I feel like my story could help someone 2.) I’m done HIDING my life around certain people 3.) I currently have an unapologetic mindset right now.

Now you’re wondering “girl! tell me what’s up.”

I am going to open up about my battle with depression and anxiety.

Some of you reading this might know me and some of you might not but if I’m going to be completely honest and transparent, I am not doing this for attention, pity, or pats on the back. I’m telling my story as a way to reach out to others who may be feeling the same way I have for the past eight months. In my high school years, I have concluded that telling your story could help someone. I’ve learned that telling your story is not easy and that telling your story might come with post testimony doubt. I also want you to know that I am not telling my story to expose anyone, I am simply telling my story because I want to help and inspire anyone and everyone who reads this post.

Buckle up, grab a drink and a snack because this is a LONG story.

It all starts at the end of December. I have lived in IL for six years of my life so the winters there are like post apocalyptic. I mean just imagine the whole world was about to end, it’s dark, the air is bitter, everyone looks like they’re going to die. Okay so we have the setting, it’s cold and snowy and just plain gross outside. Winter is probably the worst season, don’t get my wrong I LOVE Christmas and hot cocoa but I mean winter just drags on forever. Anyway, I was dating someone at the time that I thought loved me (I’ll explain later), I was lying to myself and telling myself I was okay but really I was drowning in anxiety. I was slacking off in scholarships, school, and spending time with friends and family. I just simply did not want to do anything, all I wanted to do was come home and sleep. If I had my way I wouldn’t even get out of bed. Now I was on some medication (birth control) for my excruciating periods, which is part of the reason I was feeling so depressed but these depressive thoughts didn’t really go away after I stopping the BC. Later in January, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me in my own driveway. I was convinced we could’ve fixed things and that I was the reason things weren’t going the way they were supposed to.

The Relationship and Break up:

This is a big part of the story that I’ve been debating on whether or not I should write about but I figured it’s not fair to leave out such a big chunk of my story. This does not expose this person, this is all true and from my POV.

Now that I’ve got the disclaimer out of the way, we can get started.

Now my ex and I have been friends for a long time before dating and after the summer of ’16, we decided to start dating. It was the beginning of our senior year and everything kicked off great. We went on cute dates, he got me my favorite donuts, lunch, we would watch movies, you know everything that boyfriends and girlfriends do together. Now he and I went to different schools and I lived about 20 mins away from him so we didn’t really get to hang out unless we were a). At youth group or b). Friday nights. I felt a lot of anxiety about hanging out because I felt like every day we didn’t hang out was the time we were wasting to be with each other. Before dating he told me that he was busy with all of the extracurricular activities that he was involved in, I told him I understood (I really didn’t) and that was the end of that conversation.

Flash forward to about September. School had already kicked off and things started to pick up with both him and I. I had choir meetings and events, football games and other things that my friends and I did. He and I only saw each other on Fridays and Sundays and that was taking a toll on me. I felt like he was not giving enough time to the relationships. I felt like every day that passed was a day that we could’ve spent together and he simply didn’t think it was big deal. This goes to say that not everything went wrong because of him. I tend to be passive aggressive when I am frustrated or mad at someone and I hate confrontation so I would tend to brush things off and not talk about my troubles with him. I would open up to him about my depression and the anxiety I would feel but that would tend to lead to unkept promises that just disappointed me in the end.

So the fall and winter months were filled with fights and me continuing to be passive aggressive toward him. They were filled with him promising to make more time and then breaking them when something came up. Blowing off conversations and plans that we had made. It was all just anxiety filled months that I usually spent the nights crying about. There were times that I didn’t want to go to (and I didn’t) and times where I wouldn’t want to go to youth group because I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. It was like I felt like I didn’t deserve to feel happy and when I did go out I would feel anxiety about my ex and me.

Now it’s the second week of January and I felt like things were finally settling. My boyfriend and I had been really great and spending time with each other and I had been consistently feeling better about myself. The truth bomb moment happened. He told me that he had a mandatory show choir event that he couldn’t miss even if he wanted to. Now, this doesn’t seem so bad! Oh, but it was. His show choir event had fallen on prom and not only prom but my 18th birthday. FML. I expressed how upset I was and I just couldn’t get over the fact that he couldn’t come to my prom. I was having a really hard time balancing everything from the ACT and college applications, I didn’t really need or want this news. I felt like my world was crashing down on me and it sucked.

Things weren’t really getting better and I was getting depressed again. Not only was I sad but I always had this weight in my chest. My depression not only made me feel like a slug but it also caused me to act irrationally. I would just lash out or shut down, there wasn’t really much of an in-between. I remember one day I was feeling insecure in our relationship and confronted him on much he hung out with this one girl, I guess we’ll call her A, ya know like PLL. I remember there was one instance where I had finally got the courage to tell him that I was feeling depressed. I had opened up and told him how I didn’t have any motivation and that I didn’t want to get out of bed. He humored me for awhile but then he said something I will never forget. Can we talk about this later? This is all exhausting. What a slap in the face.

I guess all this and the fights him and I were having were just too much for him to handle because he soon broke up with me at 11 pm in my driveway.

You guys. This break up was NOT good, I mean this has to be the worst break up I’ve ever been involved in. I literally lost it. I lost it so bad that I couldn’t even drive my car home, I had to get his brother to drive me, I was such a wreck. I was screaming and bawling and begging, gosh I looked pathetic but at the time I felt like everything was just too much. After his brother drove me home, my ex and his brother's girlfriend drove into my driveway. My ex-got out of the car and jogged up to my sobbing mess of a person and told me that he didn’t think that he could handle being together anymore. Just went I think I ran out of tears, the floodgates opened. It was like when you’re trying to turn the sink on so just a little water comes out but you turn the faucet too hard and it just starts spewing out and splashing everywhere. I ran inside and just broke down in the middle of the hallway. My parents rushed in to see what was going on and asked and asked: “Maddy what’s wrong?” They exchanged worried glances and finally got me to calm down. Once I calmed down I told them what happened and that I was feeling depressed. That’s when they decided to take me off the BC to see if that was the root of the problem. Long story short, it was the cause for the heightened anxiety and depression but even after being off of birth control I still felt no motivation.

The Aftermath

Everything was going great. I got into SWU in Central South Carolina and I got into the OneLife program. I have great parents who are proud of everything I do, I have a good set of friends but something still felt off.

As summer approached I made myself excited for the upcoming trips. I was going to Haiti for the second time, I was going to Myrtle Beach and NOLA. Don’t get me wrong I was excited about these trips. It was my last trip with everyone that was graduating in StudentLife but like I said something seemed off. I just couldn’t fully get over the fact that I felt so heartbroken over the break up that happened five months ago. Y’all remember A? Well, she comes back in the narrative. I noticed that my ex and A had been awfully close. I have to admit that I felt a pang in my chest each time A and my ex-were around each other. Since I am being honest here, I really never liked A and that made everything much worse. I felt like I had to like her because she was part of my youth group and I felt like “well if I just suppress my emotions about her and my ex, everything will just calm down,” but it didn’t.

I have learned that holding in your emotions is not going to help anything.

One night in NOLA we went to this small music gathering (I don’t really know what to call it) we were all dancing and hanging out, I was having a good time until I noticed that A and my ex-were dating together. I don’t know why but that struck a nerve within me and I became angry and sad. I didn’t want to feel upset because I wanted to have a good time in NOLA and I wanted to spend time with the people I actually cared about but this situation 10X worse.

Flash forward to the last night in NOLA. I was still bitter at my ex and A. I had said to one of my friends “I don’t like her.” I felt like I was being honest and that wouldn’t get back to her because well, I trusted my friend. Wrong choice Maddy. Low and behold he told her what I said and she started crying. Now if I’m being honest I didn’t really care about the way she felt because in my head she made me feel awful as well. I know she didn’t really care about the way she was making me feel when I saw her and my ex together. I know this because about a week or so after NOLA my ex and A were dating. I, of course, apologized for what I said behind her back and we were cool for the rest of the trip but nothing will ever be the same and we are not friends.

EDIT- I just want y’all to know that at that point in time I didn’t care, with that said I have done a lot of growing, thinking, and praying about the situation. I was definitely a bitter person at that point in time. Now that doesn’t mean that I have to like everyone but I have forgiven them for what I feel they have done. I just want to put that out there because there is confusion. 

From that experience, I learned that I can’t compact my feelings and I shouldn’t feel that I need to compress them.

I also learned that I don’t have to be friends with everyone.

Why was I mad he moved on?

Well, I have my reasons for that. I was mad because he was hanging out with her a lot while he and I were dating. I felt like he was going to leave me for her and you know what? He did. That’s exactly what he did and right in front of me.

When you know your right about your boyfriend liking another girl while he was with you, it feels like you’re not good enough. I mean how could you feel any other way? Not to mention I was still feeling depressed. I rarely wanted to leave the house during the summer and I almost didn’t want to go to school in SC. I felt like I wasn’t good enough to do anything.

When someone shows that they don’t care about you, it hurts you in ways that you can’t describe. I mean I could find a way to describe that but it wouldn’t be worth it.

How’s it going now?

I’m glad you asked! It’s actually all looking up now. I am currently enrolled in OneLife here at SWU and I’m making amazing friends and progress with my relationship with God.

I have realized my true worth and that I always have someone there for me… his name is God.

When you give it all up to God, it all doesn’t seem so bad. When you surround yourself with people who also want to grow with God and with people who will listen to your struggles things don’t seem so bad.

I have found that life is better when you weed out the toxic people in your life.

While I have a long way to go in my journey, I finally have the peace to walk blindly where God wants me to be.

Thanks for staying with me on this journey.

All the love,

Maddy

[outbananas]

headcanons - i’m so far behind im gonna try to speed through and catch up aka tour, bbmas, birthday, noa visit, miami - 39

as parker has said probably a bunch of times recently, he’s been feeling real good! so he was really pumped for tour and wasn’t even bothered too much by fans taking selfies with him and making fun of him in their ig captions, which definitely happened more than once

though he’d been nervous that it would be weird having noa jump on for a couple days, all the guys agreed it was alright for her to come in for chicago, especially with his birthday coming up and him having the bbmas to attend on that day

the guys sold out three shows in total, which maybe isn’t the hugest of deals in comparison to other artists bc the venues weren’t at all large, but parker was still pretty excited about it, especially since two would be when his girl was coming out to see them aaand it was going to be her first time seeing him/them as the headliner

before the show, they spent some time with the guys, but ultimately ended up parting ways to take noa to see the bean bc it was apparently on her bucket list and parker knows she hasn’t gotten the chance to see a lot of places she was interested in going. which is the reason he’d invited her to the tour coming up in japan, but she was pretty cute getting excited about touristy stuff and playing around

he would maybe deny it to people if they asked, but parker was kind of nervous about how everything was going to go and if she was going to like it and just a bunch of things he ultimately knew better about, but it weighed on him a little bit up until things started and it just kind of fed into the show so it was all good

as one might expect, noa was super into the show and very happy and supportive even if she cringes about his methods of showing how much he loves her. aka giving her a big sweaty hug right after the show and aiming his armpit right for her face, which to be fair he’s given her warnings to expect that so it is not big surprise to her no matter how shocked she may look

the other shows went pretty well. noa seemed to enjoy them and they did fun little touristy things in each area when they had time, just so noa felt like she was really seeing these places and not just passing through, which is how things could get sometimes on tour, though they really did try to see some things going on in the cities they visited as often as possible

on the drive to ohio while most of the guys were sleeping in the van, he and noa sat in the very back to have a little privacy bc parker doesn’t like being super pda, even though will did post a picture of the kinda together on ig but whatever, and she tried to set some boundaries, but ended up caving before the night was over and let him go beyond second base

for rock on the range, parker and noa got a decent amount of time to hang out during the day and just kind of wander together. they fucked around with fidget spinners a bit and ended up having sex in the van, which was less than private considering it was parked out with a bunch of other people bc parker’s allowed to break rules on his birthday weekend

noa let parker wear essentially what he wanted to the bbmas, even though she did ultimately kind of pick it out for him in part, it wasn’t something he felt uncomfortable in, so it worked well. she even let him wear his gucci slides with socks bc she’s great

since parker knew noa was super super nervous about presenting, he offered her some of his xanax to take before the night started and told her he’d take it with her, so that seemed to help her chill out a little bit

prior to the bbmas parker talked a bit about chilling with niykee during since she also wasn’t the biggest of fans of this kind of thing either, so he managed to see her, madison, and obviously noa, tate, and will as well

despite the fact that she was only presenting, parker was really excited about seeing noa up there and got a bit too enthusiastic about things, but thankfully not enough to truly be a disturbance to anyone or anything

the pair made a very quick appearance at the after party only to split and grab a flight home so that they could spend a little bit of his birthday the way parker wanted to, alone together in his apartment

at his apartment parker was greeted with a weed glitter confetti bomb and some other surprises from noa that he was pretty excited about bc not only did it show that she cared and listened to him, but that she supported the other stuff he was interested in even if it was a little odd

numerous times noa brought up him kind of sacrificing his birthday for her, and though he would never deny the fact that the day wouldn’t have been what he would’ve planned, he insisted that he had the best birthday bc he got to spend it with her (aww!! gag! lol) but it was true he had a great time despite it all

the next day, which was essentially the celebration he wanted, was spent at home the entire day just being lazy. both wearing only his sweatpants and eating food, binge watching tv, smoking a bunch, and obviously having a lot of sex like nothing too exciting just real laid back

parker kind of got into all the confetti laying around in the times the were just chilling at he would just sit there and cover noa in it a bit and even enough once that he had to get a picture of it of her that he’s really fucking into

he had been kind of joking king of seriously telling noa that he wanted to be like a teenage boy with those like half naked posters hanging above his bed, but he wanted his to be her. honestly it was something he had been saying on and off for awhile, that thankfully didn’t seem to bug her too much, but she agreed it was cool if he did it with that picture... at some point in the future

also while enjoying his day parker spent a decent amount of time bugging tate trying to figure out exactly what went on between her and will after the bbmas bc in the midst of his high and exhaustion he had encouraged her to get something goin with him and he hoped it’d panned out... which it did, but he didn’t get the confirmation for sure until later

the next day parker and noa went to vegas for the sweet tea tour? i think that’s what it’s called god i’m so lazy i don’t feel like looking, but they went to see his cousin madison and niykee perform. both kind of called him out in one way or another, though thankfully niykee’s was only before the show and not during

after the show and seeing the two for a bit, parker and noa spent some time gambling, which is something he enjoys a fair amount. he tried to encourage her to get involved bc he really wanted to see her win some money and ended up giving her some to play with, not wanting her to risk her own when it was really him wanting her to do it rather than her interest

noa ended up heading home shortly after vegas to spend some time with fox and get ready for the weekend in miami, so they said their goodbyes and parker headed back home alone to essentially just get ready for the weekend and spend some time with the band. before she left, he agreed to help her with fox so she could bring him over the long weekend, which he was a little nervous about, but he knew it would eventually be something he needed to step up on anyway

to make things easier on noa as well as spend tate’s birthday with her, the band flew out of la to get to miami. initially parker sat next to tate in an effort to annoy her on the flight, but changed seats early on to keep noa company, though fox was honestly pretty occupied with the attention from the rest of the band and tate a lot of the flight

the first night was mostly about settling in and also celebrating tate so nothing too eventful really went down, mostly just parker getting used to being in a more enclosed space with fox and figuring out the kind of stuff he was going to need to do to help with him

parker was pretty excited when he learned the band had managed to score a second performance slot for the weekend. he figured that could only mean good things and it would look pretty good for them with their new album and all. he texted noa immediately to tell her about it... which means it probably came before the flight oh well

saturday morning was spent seeing a liger and a tabby tiger and other pretty awesome animals at jungle island. given that fox is only six months old it wasn’t really that exciting to him, just kind of more of experience of being out and being somewhere new, but parker and noa were pretty excited about all the animals and things they saw

for the entire weekend noa had picked out some cool local places for them to eat, which parker enjoyed for the most part even if he was always ordering the most boring thing on the menu and even then sometimes handing stuff over to noa for her to eat. he got to have some badass ice cream though and that was great

the band’s first performance went well and it was fox’s first ever, so that was pretty cool noa wanted him to get in and experience that so young. parker always teases her about how overprotective she’s gonna be and how she wants fox to be a perfect little angel, so he was giving her shit that fox would never believe he experienced that so young... but she was pretty cute and told him that of course he’d know bc it would still be happening later on with parker as he grew older so aw cute couple shit

after the show they had plans to go dancing, which parker is always on the fence about. he loves that she loves it and he loves seeing her have so much fun, but he always ends up looking like an asshole in comparison to everyone around him. still, he always goes and has a good time because noa is a great dancer and she always makes things fun for him

the next day parker took care of fox for a portion of noa’s panel. it was only the second time he’d had responsibility of fox ever and the first time as her boyfriend, so he felt a little pressure even though fox is a really good baby

fox only woke up once while parker had him to himself and he didn’t have too much trouble coaxing him back to sleep by singing to him and attempting to shush him the way noa does

the rest of that day was pretty free to chill and check out other things that were going on, since the next time parker had definitive plans was much later that night for their meet and greet

at some point during this weekend parker also learned that noa was unable to swim and he convinced her it was a good idea to learn for fox’s sake, and he offered to help teach her, though she declined learning in miami, since she didn’t want to be doing it in front of everyone else she knows

the guys had smoked some before their meet and greet and actually ended up with some edibles from noa part of the way through, but it made the experience a little easier on the group since they’re not really the type to do these set meet and greet kind of things normally, but they got some nice stuff from fans/met some good people. noa sat under the table with fox to keep parker company and he only made a couple lewd jokes about it

after they all grabbed a super late meal, parker helped noa prep for her q&a in the morning that she was pretty nervous about. he gave her terrible suggestions for possible answers and joked with her enough to try to lighten her up about it, but ultimately offered her xanax again, which he did the other day as well to help her feel less anxious

on monday parker watched noa’s q&a while someone else watched fox for her. for the most part he kind of enjoyed it, but he wasn’t a huge fan of some of the questions she was asked. one even prompting him to get a good look over at the person asking it, but obviously it wasn’t something worth getting too upset about. he was proud of noa for getting through it and doing a good job

tssf had their q&a later in the day, which seemed to go fairly well. there wasn’t anything too outlandish about it and generally the guys had a pretty good time despite the majority of them not really enjoying interviews all that much

they had their second show, which was pretty early on, which was kind of nice for being out on the beach. something different than the other which was after dark. it was cool to play to a slightly different crowd, since earlier in the day it was more likely that people could just be hanging around vs looking to see them/get a good spot for atl

and omg i think that covers everything i need to write shit down when it happens or closer to when it happens instead of being a motherfucking procrastinator but that’s life