#Prettykylie

[thenicswillfly-blog]

i really love the taste of fashion of Kylie Jenner. I love this girl!

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Goals...

I'm going to be on the exercise bike all day tomorrow.

I ate popcorn with Cholula hot sauce on it. Now my mouth is burning.

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I can't wait for all the MAC nail polishes to come out! There are so many I want to buy!

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Angry

I'm just so angry right now I want to cry. Life is so unfair. Sometimes you just do everything and you do everything right and you work so hard and you still get screwed over. Why bother doing anything at all? just sit around and do nothing and you wouldn't get hurt at all, instead of doing all that work just to get screwed. It hurts so bad. I really do want to cry.

I'll think about back when I was 12-14 and I used to cut a lot on my arms and legs. and after I made myself stop (thanks to lexapro and my therapist) it even got to the point where I was like "Oh wow, did I really used to cut? What was wrong with me?" But now at this moment I remember all the pain and I WANT TO CUT RIGHT NOW because if I was cutting all the pain would go away and I wouldn't cry at all.

I'm crying right now in bed and I'm so embarrassed. I don't want to cry. I don't want to feel. I wish i was dead really. Life is so pointless. There isn't even anything that really makes me happy. I mean I like looking at pretty things and I like watching certain tv shows and reading certain books and obviously i like eating a whole bunch of food but really, i'm just better off dead. I'm only 15 and I'm already dead inside. i'm a worthless sack of fat.

even if i got really thin and by some miracle none of my skin was saggy and i looked like a normal girl, and then what? it's not like my life would magically change. it would still be me working as hard as i can, doing my best, getting fucked over and then crying and wanting to cut myself. the pain never ends. life just sucks. happiness is a lie.

i really do wish i could kill myself. but i want to be 125 before i do. at least accomplish that goal so they can't say 'she killed herself because she was a fatty.'

I DONT WANT TO CRY I DONT WANT TO CRY I DONT WANT TO CRY.

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Honesty.

I wasn't going to put my weight on here because it's too embarrassing but then I realized:

1- No one knows me on here

2- I'm supposed to be honest

3- It will help me keep track of my weight loss

4- It might help other people if they read this

So.... Yeah. I'm 225.6 lbs today. I'm a fatty-fatty-fat-fat. I'm not the skinny Juicy Couture surfer girl in my picture. But I will be! I'm going to be loosing weight this whole summer and I'm going to keep this tumblr as motivation and to keep a progress report! I have to post on it every day!

My ultimate goal is to be 125!

[prettykylie-blog]

hi

It's 1:35am Thursday and it's summer vacation with nothing to do tomorrow. I ate like half a bag of popcorn. so gross. So anyway, I did this tumblr thing but it's really confusing so I'm going to have to figure it out. I need it to look really pretty.

Ummm... Yeah. my parents are getting me a Bamboo Create Tablet for my birthday! I'm sooooo excited! I can't wait!. Twelve more daaaaays! I would have searched around the house and found it already but i think they didn't even order it off the internet yet. or maybe it's at mom's office. i wish they could just give it to me already. This waiting is torture. There's so much stuff in my head i wanna draw and drawing on paper with no scanner is just not the same.

I can't wait to draw stuff! and then my tumblr will look really pretty! anyway i want to loose 12 pounds in the next 12 days for my birthday. I'm not even gonna say what weight I am but tomorrow (today) i'm gonna use the exercise bike in the garage and burn off a million calories. i have to! if i did that every day, i'd be super skinny for jr year!

i'm not a pro ana wanna or anything im loosing wait by exercising and eating less.

anyway no need to make a whole life story right now. i have a lot to say but let me make the blog pretty first.