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d2kvirus · 5 years

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Dickheads of the Month: May 2019

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of May 2019 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Remember how Gavin Williamson described Jeremy Corbyn as “a threat to national security” last year? Well that comment came back to bite him after Williamson thought it was a bright idea to leak details of a National Security Council meeting discussing a deal with Huawei to the press, which saw him sacked as Defence Secretary and facing calls for a police investigation - and no doubt also irritated former members of Cameron’s inner circle Lord Browne, Andrew Cahn and John Suffolk who just so happen to have prominent positions within Huawei’s corporate structure and would have personally made millions from the deal

The irony is that Williamson’s cockup meant that Chris Grayling was out of the firing line when it emerged on the same day of Williamson's sacking that he’d cost the British taxpayer another £56m over the botched post-Britait ferry contracts due to negotiating contracts that were supposed to kick in on a certain date, so instead of news of yet another Grayling cockup deflecting attention away from a far more serious one as usually happens, for once it was the exact opposite with Grayling’s cockup being dwarfed by Williamson’s

How nice of Alabama’s lawmakers to decide that they should have the final say on a woman’s right to abort an unborn child even if that child is a child of incest or rape, bringing Alabama’s abortion laws in line with countries such as Brunei and Syria - and was soon followed by Missouri, Mississippi, Arkansas, Georgia, Utah, Kentucky and Ohio lawmakers all having the same idea at the same time, which definitely does not make it look like a coordinated plan

Judging by how the BBC covered the local elections it’s fair to say that they should not have ditched Open University programming fifteen years ago considering they kept trying to push a narrative that the Tories and Labour did just as badly as one another in the local elections, even though while Labour losing 84 council seats isn’t a good look it simply does not compare with the Tories losing 1330 of them - and if that wasn’t reality reversing enough, they attempted to say the result reflected how the British public wished they would get on with Britait even though the results also showed UKIP losing 145 of the 176 council seats they previously held, which means their factually challenged coverage of the Spanish election result the previous month was not an isolated incident

After bullying the poor and vulnerable for our entertainment for well over a decade the axe fell on The Jeremy Kyle Show when it emerged that one of the guests had committed suicide a week after appearing on an episode of the programme - which in turn led to tales of the show’s team camping out near drug clinics and halfway houses looking for a steady supply of people to be exploited for the entertainment of the sort of people who think an audience bellowing abuse at somebody at 9:30 in the morning is entertaining - however this led to one hell of a strawman when people, not least a certain failed gameshow contestant who screams into the void on Twitter to try and keep her poison relevant, demanding to know why Love Island hasn’t been cancelled in spite of two of its contestants committing suicide compared to “only” one of Jeremy Kyle’s guests, because apparently whataboutism has reached the level where we play Top Trumps comparing the death toll of two shows instead of consider one suicide is too many

On the subject of the local elections there’s the ten Tory candidates in the Highworth election who were all elected with over 3000 votes - which was slightly problematic considering only 2477 ballots were issued in Highworth, meaning that every single Tory candidate received between 700 and 900 more votes than were actually cast, leading to the electorate taking the result to the High Court

Another month another reason to ask what purpose The Independent Hashtag Change Group Ltd actually serve as they decided what they needed now was another name change, this time to For Change Now...a name which is anything but fitting for a group who have stated they will support Theresa May if she faced a No Confidence vote, were opposed to a general election and certainly not be holding by-elections in the constituencies they are holding hostage. On top of that, this name change has cost them their verified status on Twitter, completely cocked up all their previous links to their social media...and also seen somebody snatch the Twitter handle of their original name and use it to spread Hard Leave propaganda that their website is now linking to

The humiliations continued to pile up when Chuka Umunna responded to the leading Independent Hashtag Change Hashtag Now Group PLC candidate for Scotland jumping ship and joining the Lib Dems by moaning about the disappointment felt by fellow candidates and activists by somebody jumping ship - as if that’s not exactly what he did with a few of his friends as they embarked on their slow motion trainwreck

If a party wishes to portray themselves as standing up to the Tories and UKIP, as the Lib Dems have been doing so since the local elections, the one thing they should not do is band together with the Tories and UKIP to force out a Labour council and install the Tories in their place - which is exactly what the Lib Dems did in Bolton a week after the local elections

Once again the BBC showed just how committed they are to providing a balanced view by pulling an episode of Have I Got News For You where Independent Hashtag Change Now Ltd leader Heidi Allen leader was panelist at the last minute and claimed it was because the episode was too close to the European elections and didn’t want to appear biased - yet this episode was to air less than 24 hours after Question Time gave Nigel Farage the red carpet treatment where he was given plenty of time to monologue without interruption or interjection - and after the HIGNFY fiasco the BBC then announced that Farage would also be a guest on the Sunday Politics show with Jason Keen patronisingly talking down to anyone who would dare criticise the BBC for failing to educate, inform or entertain

Remember how Nigel Farage said that, if the Britait he scammed the British public into thinking was a good idea wasn’t delivered, he’d don khaki, pick up a rifle and lead a civil war? Funny he didn’t look anywhere near as brave when refusing to get off his bus in Wakefield because somebody in Newcastle threw a milkshake at him earlier that same day, while his loudmouthed supporters howled in protest about “political violence” as if Farage having a milkshake chucked at him was on the same level as Jo Cox being murdered by a member of Britain First on the streets of her own constituency

So now we know that Theresa May will shed a tear for losing her feeble grip on power - but for those who died in the Grenfell Tower fire, those on the Empire Windrush whose landing cards she had destroyed, every single victim of her Hostile Environment policies, every last person sleeping on the streets or having to use a foodbank, not a single tear was shed for any of you

It’s a shame that Ben Shapiro didn’t also write a book titled How To Debate Right Wing Blowhards as that may have prevented himself from looking like a puffed-up buffoon when being interviewed by Andrew Neil, followed by looking like a thin-skinned buffoon when flouncing out of the interview, and finally exposing himself as an ill-informed buffoon when howling in outrage that Andrew Neil being the sort of left-wing bigot who edits The Spectator and has a history of giving right-wing guests and easy ride while barely letting anyone vaguely left-wing time to complete a single sentence without constant interjections

Yet this somehow led to Nigel Farage claiming that the BBC ignore him. While being interviewed by Andrew Marr on the BBC. Two days after he appeared on the BBC’s Question Time for a 34th time...

And yet the BBC were quick to try and prove Farage correct, because they certainly did ignore him - or, to be more accurate, they completely ignored the story broken by Channel 4 News about Arron Banks privately funding Farage to the tune of hundreds of thousands of pounds, which Farage neglected to declare, even after Banks confirmed it was true

Equally desperate was David Vance responding to the Argentine-managed Tottenham Hotspur reaching the Champions League final thanks to a hat trick from the Brazilian Lucas Moura, where they will meet the German-managed Liverpool who reached the final thanks to two goals apiece from the Belgian Divock Origi and the Dutch Georginio Wijnaldum with some remarkable piffle about the plucky Brits giving Johnny Foreigner a bloody nose - to an utter cascade of mockery by people who pay attention

On a similar bent Jamie Carragher mouthed off about how unfair it is the Champions League final takes place three weeks after the Premier League season wrapped up, somehow failing to comprehend that the Champions League is a competition for all European leagues and that La Liga, the Bundesliga, Serie A, the Eredivisie and Ligue 1 seasons all finished one or even two weeks after the Premier League - although he soon topped that remarkable stupidity by tweeting a “clever” joke phone number for fellow Sky Sports pundit Gary Neville...which led to the person who actually has that phone number being inundated with calls and texts for several hours afterwards

Serial liar Isabel Oakeshott attempted to pull the wool over the eyes of her Twitter followers by claiming that the Electoral Commission had met with The Nigel Farage Ego Project and found that their funding and finances were completely above board - which had the slight issue that, no, they absolutely did not say anything close to that

On the subject of serial liars, mouthpiece of Guido blog Hugh Bennett concocted a story claiming that the Electoral Commission had investigated Led By Donkeys for violating electoral spending in spite of the fact that, as Led By Donkeys are not a political party and certainly are not partaking in any elections, they would not be subject to this code of conduct and only and easily-led moron would be taken in by this...so the usual Guido blog fanatics, in other words

But Moggmentum needed to take the lie further, so accused Led By Donkeys of being funded by George Soros, because why merely lie when you can spin the usual antisemitic conspiracy tropes into your obvious bullshit?

In a desperate bid for relevance Milo Yiannopoulos attempted to position himself as the man who would lead a civil war...to a remarkably apathetic response from his 70,000+ Gab followers

Not only is Joan Ryan responsible for possibly the most cringe-inducing press conference by a sitting MP with her “look at your hands” speech, but she attempted to play it off as everyone critical of her being humourless...while also promoting a downright libelous petition on Change UK (that’s the online petition website Change UK, not the previous name of The Independent Hashtag Change Now Group Ltd) that made her look completely demented

Company secretary of The Independence For Hashtag Change Hashtag Now Group Ltd Gavin Shuker showed remarkably political nous when whining about how bad it was that Labour were fielding a candidate in the Peterbrough by-election even though his lot, the Lib Dems and the Greens all agreed to stand aside and allow a People’s Vote candidate to stand...or, to put it another way, Gavin Shuker complained that it was unfair that Labour weren’t throwing away a seat they held prior to the by-election in order to make it a penalty shootout between the People’s Vote and Tory candidate, even though Labour never agreed to stand aside in the first place

If watching Andrea Jenkyns having to have WTO trade terms explained to her like she it was her first day of school (to which she responded by just talking over people louder and louder, because that covers up her ignorance!) wasn’t proof of her being an ill-informed moron who doesn’t know when to shut up, her teeth-gnashing while saying she wouldn’t support Victoria Atkins’ leadership bid because Atkins said mean things about her in an e-mail certainly did...because Atkins had not announced any plans to challenge for the leadership when Jenkyns started gnashing her teeth

This month it was Godfrey Bloom who was getting excessively triggered by Greta Thunberg, proving himself to be a big man by tweeting how he wanted to give “a good shaking” to the “ghastly child” - thus making it a double whammy of being ignorant of climate change while fantasising about assaulting children

When ProJared posted a statement on Twitter saying his marriage was coming to an end, a statement supported by Game Grumps’ Holly Conrad, he received sympathy from his fans and those he worked with - right up until his wife interjected that Jared had blocked her on Twitter before making that statement and informed the public that not only had Jared been cheating on her with Holly Conrad (while Conrad was married to Game Grumps’ Ross O’Donovan) but had also been sleeping around with his fans at various conventions, but when he was not at conventions he was using a second phone to sext with them and send dick pics

Due to the Epic Games Store still not having a shopping cart implemented, meaning people have to buy games and DLC individually instead of in bulk like they can on Steam etc, this led to Epic Games Store users finding that they had triggered the store’s anti-fraud protection and were getting blocked because they were buying too many games too quickly - which would not be an issue if the Epic Games Store had bothered implementing a sodding shopping cart

In an attempt to rally the Tory faithful Boris Johnson took to Twitter to proudly state that he had voted in the local elections...only for the tweet to vanish into the ether within minutes, which is no doubt related to somebody explaining to Johnson that there were no local elections in London and, as a London resident, it was literally impossible for him to vote in one that day

Britain’s most triggered man Piers Moron Morgan acted like a normal adult man at the news that Marks & Spencer confectionery was now vegan by putting one in his mouth on Good Morning Britain before spitting it out and going on the usual impotent rant that will no doubt shift significantly more of the product due to the knowledge that it will piss him off

While you could forgive walking liability Randy Pitchford for his promise that there would be no microtransactions in Borderlands 3 in literally the same sentence as talking about the purchasable character skins as a flub when he meant to say no lootboxes or premium currency, the meltdown he had after Game Informer rightly pointed out that custom skins are microtransactions certainly can’t be excused - and that’s not to mention the other meltdown he had after badmouthing former Gearbox programmer/voice of Claptrap in the first tow Borderlands games David Eddings who the company let go as he wouldn;t be providing the voice of Claptrap for free for Borderlands 3, which rapidly escalated into allegations of assault by Pitchford

Surely it occurred to Danny Baker that tweeting a photo of two posh people with a chimpanzee and saying it's a photo of the royal baby would come back to bite him considering the 150+ years of evidence that racists like to draw direct comparisons with apes, but then again given his defence was that he had no idea that Meghan Markle had given birth didn’t hold any weight whatsoever as that would have been plainly visible in Twitter’s trending tab while he was thinking of a witty caption

Having lost the Championship playoff final, I’m sure Derby County were glad to see Leeds United posting tweets slagging them off - which definitely didn’t serve as yet another reminder why pretty much every set of fans in the country were glad to see Leeds fail to gain promotion

And of course, a month would not go by without Donald Trump and his ego so fragile that one minute he’s happy to pardon a convicted fraudster because they wrote a book which gushed about him endlessly and the next leaving the US Navy with a request to try and hide an 8900-ton destroyer because he might get triggered by it being named after John McCain - although I’m sure this isn’t in any way related to his pathological fear of Congress that’s seen him try to force $8bn of arms sales to Saudi Arabia through a tiny loophole so he can avoid Congress having to approve it...

#dickheads of the month

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