#RWC: Kyber

[reyloforcebalance]

Special

My submission for the @two-halves-of-reylo weekly challenge (Week 13: Kyber). These weekly challenge fics are accidentally turning into a story… if you want to catch up, check out the previous ones on AO3. Thanks for reading!

Darkness.

That’s all there is. That’s all there seems to be. At least, it would seem that way to most people.

But not to Rey.

It’s true that her eyes see nothing but blackness.

And yet she knows to step around the jagged boulder just ahead of her.  She knows there’s a large opening in the ground not far and that if she fell into it, it would be a long way down. She knows this tunnel will soon curve sharply to the left.

And she knows she’s not far. Not far at all.

Her heart quickens with anticipation.

Only half an hour earlier, she’d been cursing herself for coming here. So stupid. She shouldn’t even be on this wasteland of a planet, nothing but grey skies and rocky, barren terrain. She should be back at the training base with the others.

And why had she come? To chase a rumor. From an extremely unreliable source. Just a conversation between two traders at a local bar, made in hushed whispers. She doesn’t even know why she decided to eavesdrop on them in the first place. But when she did, she heard something that’s been eating at her for days.

There’s kyberite on this planet, buried deep in its labyrinth of caves.  

Kyber. The strongest substance in the galaxy. Force-attuned crystals used to power lightsabers.

It easily could have been a dead end. Thirty minutes ago, she thought it was. Traders love to share secrets that aren’t true. And kyber might just be the rarest substance there is. The likelihood the man was lying or misinformed was astronomical.

And yet she came anyway. She can’t quite explain why.

She didn’t give much explanation to the others either. She didn’t even really say goodbye. She just left a recording with BB-8 saying she had something urgent to attend to and would return in a few days.

It’s as though she was drawn here by something beyond reason. Just a feeling, like a fingernail scratching incessantly in the back of her mind. She couldn’t ignore it any longer. She needed to know, one way or the other.

And now she knows.

The deeper she gets into these caves, the more she senses it. There’s something here, something that calls to her through the Force.

Could it be? Could it be her crystal beckoning her to claim it?

She hates to admit it but… Ben got to her. It’s been months, but she’s found herself thinking about it more and more. What was it he’d told her?

“Find your crystal. Forge your destiny. Don’t fall back on someone else’s.”

At first, she was annoyed. She has a crystal. Skywalker’s. And it’s because of him that crystal is now useless, tucked away on the Falcon, still lodged in a broken lightsaber.

But then she started thinking about it and… maybe he was right. Skywalker’s crystal did call to her. But is it really her crystal? She didn’t find it. Not in its natural state, anyway. And she’s no Skywalker.

Maybe there’s something else out there… something better… something just for her.

Rey turns to the left and begins to slow a bit, walking more carefully as she senses the downward slope ahead, the increasingly uneven ground, jagged crevices, some large, cutting through the floor of the tunnel. She touches the cave wall with her right hand as she goes, just a small comfort to steady her.

Suddenly, she notices… she’s starting to see. Ever so slightly. The surface of the cave walls seems to fade in, just barely visible. The more she walks, the more she begins to see the faint outline of the entire tunnel, jagged at the sides, sharp, dagger-like rocks above, the path in front of her almost like steps, large crevices followed by abrupt drops. She hops down one, then another. As she does, her heart beats faster in excitement.

She descends quickly, seeing more clearly the further she goes. There’s an opening just below— where the light’s coming from. She’s getting closer… almost there…

She hops down the last drop and bursts through the opening but then slows almost immediately. She takes a couple of dazed steps before halting outright.

Rey stands, mouth gaping, eyes wide yet soft. Her body swells with something she hardly knows how to describe. She’s never felt such a thing before. Maybe this is what people call… reverence.

She’s in a cavern as large as a hangar, at least thirty meters tall, a smooth floor of cracked, grayish earth stretching out before her.

It’s glowing. Glowing. Clusters of crystals of all shapes and sizes line the walls and the ceiling, radiating a bluish-white light. They give the cave a strange sort of vibrancy as though it were moving, pulsing. It seems to be alive somehow.

The air is thick with the tension of the Force, the interminable pull of competing energies. The crystals seem to heighten the sense of it so that what is normally a calm, steady reminder in her core is now surging, flowing lifeblood, filling her with a larger sense of being. She feels less like herself and more connected to everything around her.

Some clusters are small, blue patches of light. Others are the size of combat speeders, large, round cylinders with pointed ends that glow so brightly Rey can’t quite look at them straight on.

She turns in place, gazing up and all around. Her eyes are overwhelmed with the scene, yet she can’t stop eagerly taking it in. This must be… the most beautiful thing in galaxy. She can’t imagine a rival. Surely, of all the things she’s seen since leaving Jakku, nothing could be more beautiful than this.

She doesn’t know how long she stands there, gaping at the surroundings, before it occurs to her why she came in the first place.

She needs to find her crystal. It must be here. Why else would she have felt that magnetic pull to this very spot the deeper she got into the caves?

And yet… now that she’s here, she’s wondering if she was just feeling the heightened Force energy the crystals seem to create together. Maybe…

Rey looks down, a little lost. She’s not sure what to do next, how to proceed. She bites her lower lip and thinks back. What was it he’d said?  

Jedi younglings would go to Ilum. They’d search for… days? That can’t be right. How large were the caves in Ilum? They’d search until the right crystal called…

“The call is a bond.”

That’s what he said.

Ok. So… she’s bonded to it already… or once she hears the call? How does she hear it? Does she wander around listening for it? Or should she meditate first, letting it reach out to her, then follow it?

Rey takes a short breath and huffs it out. She looks up and around as if turning to the crystals for guidance. Then she begins to walk forward, stopping when she’s closer to the center of the cavern. She takes a seat and settles into a meditative posture, legs crossed, back and neck straight, shoulders resting lightly. She starts to breathe deeply, focusing on her breath, on bringing her body into a state of calm.

But it seems to be impossible. The atmosphere is thick with… something. Not just the heightened energy of the Force. There’s something else…

She tries to focus on her breathing, the rhythm of it, surrendering to that steady sureness, that calm.

But ripples seem to run through her, tiny disturbances fraying her concentration. They waft by, seeming to whisper to her as they pass. It’s as if they’re…?

No. No. That’s utterly ridiculous.

Rey straightens and tries to reengage her focus. But the ripples, the whispers…. They tug at her attention.

What is that? It can’t be…

The crystals. Are they… talking to each other?

No. No. That’s crazy.

She sucks in a breath, more sharply than she means to. She lets it out slowly.

Calm. She needs to be calm… She takes another inhale, more purposeful this time.

That’s right. Back into the rhythm. Inhale and exhale.

Rey sits perfectly still, face titled slightly upwards, appearing to be at peace. But inwardly she’s squirming, constantly interrupted by these ripples swimming by her, seeming to speak without a voice. She fights to focus, fights to ignore the whispers passing through her like thoughts. But it’s not possible. Not with this noise in her head. How can she possibly hear the call of her crystal through this?

Her eyes fly open as she lets out a frustrated exhale. She sets her jaw, then looks up and around at the crystals. Are they the source of this? What else could it be?

She lets out another exhale, staring downward, trying to figure out what to do. Her body feels on edge, unsettled. That is, until she feels a warmth well at her core.

Uh oh.

She immediately closes her eyes and straightens, trying to breathe consciously again, slow inhales and exhales, as though she could stop the bond from bringing them together if only she could become calm enough.

But it’s no use. She feels his presence creeping ever closer. He’ll be here any second now. She drops her shoulders and slouches, defeated. She’s already dreading his reaction…

She bows her head, waiting for the inevitable.

Her heart skips a beat when she feels his presence behind her. She doesn’t open her eyes or even move. But she knows what he’s doing. She can practically picture him in her mind. He’s taking in the surroundings, looking up and all over the cavern. She hears him take a few steps in front of her.

Rey finally opens her eyes. She stares at the ground for a few seconds, then reluctantly looks up.

His back is to her, but not for long. Her turns, arms at his sides, broad shoulders squared. He looks down at her with a smug expression.

“You’re looking for your crystal, aren’t you?” He asks the question like he knows the answer. She stares up at him, wordless, but he reads her anyway.

“Good.” He nods decisively, sounding pleased with himself. “You should be.”

That. That right there. That’s what she was dreading. That imperious “of course you’re doing what I told you to do because why wouldn’t you?” tone in his voice.

She looks away, annoyed. She hates that he knows he got to her. But there’s nothing she can do about it now. She sighs softly and sits in silence as he continues to examine the cave where he stands.

“Well, you’re not going to find it sitting there,” he announces abruptly, walking over to her and extending a gloved hand, dark eyes seeming to beckon her. “Come on,” he commands, nodding forward.

She stares at him, jaw set, debating inwardly. Part of her doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. But another part of her can’t deny the truth, the reality… that he’s really the only one she knows who can help her. She sighs heavily.

Then she takes his hand.

He helps her up and puts an arm at her back, leading her to a side of the cavern. She squints and averts her eyes a bit when they get closer, some of the crystals so bright that their glow is almost painful. They stop just in front of the wall, and Ben’s arm slips from her back as he kneels before a round, medium-sized cluster about the size of a BB droid.

“Come here,” he commands softly, eyes fixed on the crystals. She crouches next to him. He glances at her and nods towards the cluster. “Touch one.”

She turns to face them and extends a hand tentatively. As she does, she notices the striations on the surface of crystals, each one with a unique pattern. Her fingers are only inches away from the one in the center. Closer… closer…

Suddenly, her hand snaps back and she straightens, alarmed.

“Did you see that!?” She turns to Ben, eyes wide. “They just moved, or changed. Didn’t they?”

“They do that,” he informs her. “Especially when anything living interacts with them. They can change their structure at will. It’s a defense mechanism. Don’t let it scare you.” He nods for her to try again. She turns forward and lifts a hand, reaching out again towards the center crystal. As her hand nears, she sees it again… a kind of subtle change in the cluster as though they were reorganizing internally. It creates a soft flicker in their glow.

Finally, the tips of her fingers graze the surface of the crystal, a cylinder-shaped one with harsh angles. As her flingers slide across it, she feels it grow warm. She gasps softly at this and stares at it, transfixed. She could swear it was pulsing, as though it were alive.

“It’s getting warm,” she says, excitement swelling in her chest  

“It’s reacting to you,” he responds in a low voice, leaning towards her. “It’s reacting to your energy.”

“Does that mean it’s mine?” She turns eagerly to face him.

“No.” He shakes his head. “They all do that.”

“Ah.” She nods her head briefly in understanding, then turns back to look at the cluster of crystals. She moves her hand from the center, touching some of the others along the side. Each one warms slightly as her fingers graze across them. She touches all of them before withdrawing her hand. Then she stares at them for a moment, feeling uncertain, confused. She turns to Ben, a question burning in her eyes. He answers it before she can ask.

“Rey, you just have to explore, search,” he tells her frankly. “You’ll know your crystal when you find it.”

“But how?” She knits her eyebrows.  

“Listen,” he intones, dark eyes descending towards hers. “Listen for the call.”

“The bond?” She asks to confirm. He nods his head.

“It’ll sound like…” he pauses as though searching his mind for the right word. He looks away for a moment to gaze at the crystals in front of them. Suddenly, he slips off a glove and reaches out to touch one. She sees that subtle shift again on their surface.

“It sounds like a kind of song,” he finishes finally, withdrawing his hand. “But no one song is alike. It’s different for everyone.” He continues to gaze at the crystals with a faraway look. She feels a strange mixture of emotions in him, as though he were reminiscing about a tainted memory, half pleasant, half painful. Her mind drifts to what he once told her about his own crystal… about how he bled it to become Kylo Ren. How it cracked. How he couldn’t admit it, denied it outright but… this was ultimately an act of self-injury. To his soul.

Her heart twists as she watches him.

“Ben…” Rey begins softly. “How did you find your crystal?”

He immediately jerks back as if awakening from a trance. He glances at her briefly, then rises.

“We don’t have time for stories,” he tells her dismissively. “We need to find your crystal. And that could take a while.”

She looks up at him, intrigued by his reaction to her question. She considers pressing him about it, but decides not to. For now. She begins to rise.

“Do I have to touch my crystal to hear its call?” She asks as she stands.

“No,” he shakes his head, looking up the wall and not at her. “You’ll hear it when…” he hesitates. “You’ll hear it when it’s ready for you to.”

“What?” Rey steps towards him, demanding an explanation.

“This isn’t a science, Rey,” he admonishes her, shaking his head irritation. “And you need to be prepared for the possibility that your crystal isn’t even here.”

At this, her eyes widen in disbelief. She looks down, biting her lip, shoulders dropping in disappointment. She knows it’s foolish, but she’d let herself become enchanted by the idea that her crystal was calling to her, that it was the reason she decided to eavesdrop on those traders, decided to come here against all reason… drawn by the call of something created especially for her.

“Hey,” Ben softens his tone, placing a hand on her shoulder. She looks up to find his dark eyes encouraging, gentle even. “It still could be here. And you have me to help you look, so you’ll find out twice as quickly.” She nods, taking in a breath, determination renewing. He nods back, then withdraws his hand and straightens to look around the cavern.

“You start at this wall. I’ll go to the opposite end. Just explore, touch, and listen.” His gaze drifts upwards for a moment before turning back to her. “Climb if you need to.” He gives another terse nod, then strides away.

“Wait!” She takes a few steps after him. “I don’t understand. I thought I was the only one who could hear my crystal?”

“Think about it, Rey,” he calls back at her without stopping. She furrows her eyebrows, confused, then flits her head in annoyance. She crosses her arms and turns back towards the cave wall. Think about it, she mimics in her mind as she walks. Think about what?

Then it hits her.

Their bond. If she’s bonded to his crystal, he must be bonded to hers. He’ll be able to hear its call.

She stops dead, the hairs on her arm standing up, disquieted by this realization. But there’s no time to dwell on that now. She needs to focus on listening.

She shakes off the feeling and continues to the cave wall, extending her hand towards a new cluster of crystals, this one small. As her fingers touch each one lightly, they seems to shimmer, the striations on the crystals subtly changing. Her eyes regard them with wonder, caught up in the spectacle. Then it occurs to her that she’s not listening.

Rey straightens and closes her eyes, relying on her second sight through the Force, one that won’t be distracted by the beauty of the cave. She continues to touch the crystals and begins to focus on her breathing, on bringing her mind into a calm open state. She walks forward towards another cluster.

She doesn’t make it to a third cluster before it starts happening again. The ripples… those constant distractions passing through her mind, tugging at her, fraying her concentration. She grits her teeth and tenses her body, as though trying to harden herself against them. But it makes no difference. They pass through her freely, ephemeral, as though the physical world were nothing but a shadow to them.  

She relaxes her muscles as much as she can, trying to refocus on her breathing. She’ll just have to endure this, try to listen through the noise. Maybe this is part of it? Part of the challenge.

She continues her progress, making her way through clusters of various sizes, keeping her eyes closed most of the time. She touches the crystals, trying to sense subtle changes in how each one feels, searching for the call, the song meant just for her. But those damn ripples… entering her, whispering to her…  How can there be whispers without voices?

It doesn’t make any sense. And yet that’s what it feels like.

These whispers, this noise… it’s starting to drive her absolutely insane. Her mind is growing increasingly exhausted by the constant battle to concentrate, to force her focus.

“Rey, you need to be patient,” Ben suddenly calls out to her from across the cavern. She opens her eyes and turns towards him.

“I am!” She protests loudly.

“No, you’re not,” he yells back. “I can feel your frustration from here. You need to calm down. You won’t hear the call if you’re worked up like this.”

“I can’t hear anything through this damn noise anyways!” Rey releases her rage in a guttural shout that reverberates throughout the cavern. She immediately gasps, surprised at her own voice, then closes her eyes and takes a breath, fighting back tears pushing to the surface. It’s no use. One slips and trickles down her right cheek.  She buries her face in her palms, squeezing her eyes shut.

She hears Ben approach swiftly. He stops just next to her, putting a hand on her back.

“Rey, what’s wrong?” She feels his concern, but doesn’t answer immediately. She takes a few seconds to collect herself, breathing in slowly. He strokes her back for a moment then drops his hand. Finally, she straightens and opens her eyes, exhaling. She crosses her arms and shakes her head, staring forward.

“How am I supposed to hear my crystal through all of this noise, the whispering, it’s constant.” She sounds exasperated, desperate. “I can’t—”

“Wait, what!?” He interrupts her suddenly, eyes wide. “What do you hear?” He demands.

She looks up at him, confused at this reaction. “Do you not hear it too?” She knits her eyebrows. He regards her, eyes intense with interest. He begins to shake his head slowly.

“No,” he says the word quietly. “I don’t think I do. Not like you.” He continues to stare intently, his expression strange, almost in awe. She begins to feel uncomfortable, self-conscious.  

“What exactly are you hearing?” He lowers his voice, stepping in closer and leaning down towards her. She feels his fascination, his excitement at this discovery. She shrugs her shoulders and looks around, unsure how to describe the experience.

“It’s like thoughts…” she starts tentatively. “Thoughts in another language. Without a voice. The just pass through, in and out, beyond my control.” She gestures with a hand on either side of her head.

“Does it sound like they’re coming from one source? Or is it like many individuals?” His asks expectantly.

“Uh…” she hesitates. “Many, I think?” He nods, processing this for a moment before stepping back. He straightens and looks around the cavern, his eyes full of a kind of wonder.

“You can hear the crystals,” he says without looking at her. “That’s… very rare. Very.”

Rey tilts her head and purses her lips, trying to grasp this. “Wait a minute. So… the crystals are alive? They’re sentient?” She looks up at him in disbelief.

“Many have theorized that, yes.” He looks back at her with solemn eyes. “Some have theorized they have a collective consciousness. But no one knows for sure. It’s in the nature of kyber crystals to elude study.” Rey nods as he speaks, taking this in.  

Suddenly, a sly smile tugs at Ben’s lips. “Of course, no one’s been able to communicate with them before.” He raises an eyebrow suggestively.

“I can’t communicate with them,” Rey balks, bringing a hand to her chest. “I have no idea what they’re saying.”

“I bet you could learn.” He steps closer towards her, eyes bright with possibility. “If you stayed in a place like this long enough, listened long enough.”

She grunts, taking a step back. “If I did that, I think I’d go crazy.” He squints his eyes as if to challenge this, but doesn’t say anything. He just continues to regard her silently.

Rey crosses her arms and looks away, feeling self-conscious again. She presses her lips together, thinking for a moment.

“So…” she starts hesitantly. “What does this mean for finding my crystal? How do I hear its call when I can hear all of them?” She looks up at him for guidance.

“I have no idea.” He shakes his head, eyes widening a bit, at a complete loss. She looks away, looks down, releasing her hands at her sides, defeated by this answer. If he doesn’t know then, who would?

“Perfect.” She feels a wave of hopelessness wash over her. “That’s just perfect.”

Disappointment hangs heavy, dragging her to the ground. She crosses her legs and leans back against the cave wall, resting her hands in her lap. She stares into space, eyes dark and troubled. Ben crouches slowly and settles on the ground next to her. He seems to be thinking intensely, as though trying to work out a solution to her problem. But several minutes pass and he doesn’t say anything. He must not be coming up with much.

She sighs, mentally drained, not sure what to do and too brain-weary to figure it out.

Suddenly, a thought occurs to her. She glances over at Ben but quickly looks away. Maybe she can’t find her crystal, but that doesn’t mean this has to be a complete waste. After all, the bond must have brought him here for a reason. Maybe this is an opportunity… an opportunity for another small moment. A reminder.

“Ben,” she starts tentatively. She glances over at him again, and his dark eyes catch hers. “There’s something you can do that I think would really help.”

“What?” He leans forward, his tone seeming to assent to her request before she even asks. She sits up a little and scoots towards him, clear eyes meeting his. She looks at him, unblinking, for a few seconds.

“You could tell me how you found your crystal,” she says finally. He immediately flinches and looks way, his face twisting into something like a grimace.

“Ben, come on,” she begs, leaning forward. “Please.” She looks up at him entreatingly but he’s not looking at her, arms crossed, jaw set, staring across the cavern. “You’ve actually done this before,” she continues earnestly. “It will help me so much to hear someone else’s experience.” He still doesn’t look at her.

“Ben,” she pleads with him more softly, scooting even closer, so close her knee grazes his. He’s sitting with one knee propped up, his right elbow resting on it, and the other resting on the ground. He’s looking up at the cavern ceiling and not at her. She leans forward and puts a hand on his thigh. His jaw visibly tightens.

“Please.” He finally glances down at her and is met by pleading eyes. “Please. I’m completely lost here. Maybe if you tell me how you found your crystal it will give me a clue about how to find mine.”

He sighs heavily and looks away. “Rey, I really don’t think hearing about that will help you. You’re in a very unique situation. My experience doesn’t apply here.” He looks back at her decisively, shaking his head no. She studies him for a moment, searching for a chink in his armor. But his black eyes are cold, as if hardened against entry.

Rey sits up and withdraws her hand, resting it on her lap. She looks down at the ground, mulling over various strategies in her head. She’s not giving up on this battle just yet. Maybe she can coax him into it, little by little.

She purses her lips, then suddenly uncrosses her legs, lying back on the cavern floor and bringing both of her knees up. She rests her hands on her stomach.

“Well, can you at least tell me where you found yours so I know where else I can look.” She sighs, gazing up at the glow of the ceiling.

“Mine was at Christophsis.” This, at least, he offers freely. “But yours isn’t there.” She continues to stare upward, thinking about what to ask him next. Suddenly, her thoughts halt. She cocks her head on the ground, confused. In an instant, she sits up again, crossing her legs and looking to Ben. He looks back, guarded.

“How do you know my crystal isn’t there?” She demands. He immediately looks away, as though he’s been caught in the act. Her lips part as she studies him, searching his reaction to her question. And just like that, she realizes what he’s hiding.

Her head jerks back and she sits up straighter. She can’t stop a smile from creeping across her lips. She tilts her head, regarding him softly, surprised.

“You’ve been looking for my crystal, haven’t you?”

He doesn’t speak or even look at her. But she knows the answer. She senses it in him, a tinge of embarrassment mixed with… something else. Something she can’t quite identify. Like… tenderness maybe.

Rey leans back, placing both palms on the ground behind her, arms propping her up. She eyes him with curiosity, her lips still turned into a slight smile.

“So where have you looked?”

He still avoids eye contact, his gaze cast downward. He purses his lips and twitches his jaw, as if considering whether or not to answer her.

“Christophsis,” he says finally. “And a couple of planets in the Unknown Regions.”

“Which ones?” She sits up eagerly, bringing her palms to her lap.

“None you would know of.” He glances at her briefly before looking away again.

Rey rolls her eyes, annoyed by his vague answers. But annoyance quickly subsides, replaced by a complex mixture of emotions. She’s perplexed as to why he’s taken the time to look in the first place, uncertain what could possibly motivate him to do such a thing.

What would he have to gain from finding her crystal?

She brings a thumb to her lip, lost in thought. What ulterior motive could be behind this…? It’s difficult to say, considering how little she knows about kybers. It could be any number of things. And yet she can’t seem to quell a gut feeling…

He’s not looking because of anything he has to gain. He’s just looking for her.

Rey drops her hand, catching her breath.

She glances up at him and is met by black eyes gazing at her softly. He has that look again, the one that makes her feel… exposed. Now she’s the one who looks away, pressing her lips together, struggling to banish the flutters in her stomach.

She sighs heavily, as though trying to reset herself.

“Well…” she starts, not sure what to say next. A few seconds pass. “I guess it’s a good thing you’ve been looking because I’m starting to think I can’t find it myself. Not with the whispers of a thousand crystals in my head every time I try to concentrate.”

“Rey,” he intones deeply, leaning towards her. She looks up to find his face only a few inches from hers. She becomes enraptured in his gaze, intense yet gentle at the same time. “What you can do,” he continues with a little awe in his voice. “It’s not a curse. It’s a gift. It means you’re special.”

Something about the way he says this makes her heart skip a beat. Suddenly, she seems to forget everything. Coming here. Searching for her crystal. Hearing the whispers. Goading him to share how he found his crystal. Everything just melts away until there are only those dark, soulful eyes, looking at her deeply, seeming to look into her.

Out of nowhere, a strong emotion consumes her, nearly knocking the breath out of her. She’s not sure if it’s her own or his. Maybe a little of both. She doesn’t quite know how to describe it. It’s a kind of heart-heaviness, like being so full of feelings that they weigh you down, almost like a burden. It’s partially painful but also… exquisite. A beautiful pain. It’s only unwelcome because of how overwhelming it is, a yearning that cuts straight through the heart.  

She’s so lost in his gaze, she doesn’t notice him lift his hand to her face. She catches her breath, surprised when she feels his thumb at her cheek, stroking back a few strands of hair. The intensity in his eyes softens.

“Somewhere in the galaxy,” he starts in a low voice, his face seeming to draw even closer to hers, “there’s a crystal just for you. And we’re going to find it.” He gives her a nod of assurance before dropping his hand. Somehow, Rey finds the self-possession to nod back at him, still enraptured in those deep, black wells staring into her.

He tilts his head slightly. She could swear he starts to lean in, to close the small gap between her face and his, but he disappears just as she sees the movement. She gasps, jarred by the sudden end to the bond, as always.

She stares blankly ahead for a few moments, so numbed she’s not quite aware of either her body or physical surroundings. She lost in her own head. Part of her is still lost in his gaze, in his warm assurance, his gentle touch. She casts her eyes downward for a moment, a thought beginning to creep around the edges of her mind. Less of a thought… more like a realization.

But it doesn’t get far before she pushes it away, burying it once more. She shakes her head briskly, pulling herself out of her stupor and back into the cave, back into an awareness of her surroundings. She looks up and around at the crystals for a few moments, considering what to do next.

After a few minutes of thinking, Rey rises and walks to the center of the cavern, taking a seat on the cracked earth. She crosses her legs and straightens, closing her eyes and resting her shoulders back gently.

This time, she doesn’t try to meditate or listen for the call of her crystal. She simply lets herself be still, at peace, with no agenda, no purpose other than to just be.

It doesn’t take long for her to sense the ripples once more, whispers passing freely in and out of her mind. She doesn’t fight them. She doesn’t try to ignore them. She simply… observes them, lets herself be their conduit.

She finds that when she isn’t trying to concentrate on something else, the whispers aren’t so maddening. Now it’s just like being in a noisy marketplace, a thousand different conversations swirling around her. She still has no idea what they’re saying. But…

Maybe Ben’s right. Maybe she can learn. And if she does, maybe they can tell her where her crystal is.

She takes in a deep breath, enjoying the feeling of a true calm. She tilts her face towards the ceiling and surrenders herself to the Force, to the heightened energy of the room, to the buzz of the crystals incessantly communicating with each other.

Her crystal isn’t here. Somehow, she just knows it. But she’s starting to think that’s not why she was drawn here. No, perhaps the real reason she needed to come here was to discover this thing about herself— her ability to hear the crystals, an ability that is apparently very rare.

At this, the moment replays involuntarily in her mind, what he said to her, about her.

“It’s not a curse… It’s a gift.”

She bows her head.

“It means you’re special.”

[two-halves-of-reylo]

Until you will return

At the moment Rey gave up sleep, she felt him near her, warm and alive, in the Force. Cautiously, as if he could disappear at the slightest abrupt gesture, she sat up on her uncomfortable bed. Ben was there, sitting right next to her, on the edge of the mattress. He seemed to come straight out of a dream, beautiful and wild, as he was looking at her with relief and rapture.

Rey did not know who moved first, but, the time of one breath, she was in Ben’s arms, hugging him tightly as she palpated his body in search of wound. But he had nothing. He was fine. Between them, The Bond was so powerful that she felt like she was touching a plasma blade. It was not an uncomfortable feeling, on the contrary. She smiled, inhaled deeply, then released him from her embrace, her head full of questions she did not ask, preferring to take the time to contemplate him.

He was still dressed in black, but his clothes reminded her of those of a Smuggler. He hardly looked like the man who had killed Snoke for her, almost one year ago. But this new appearance did not make him any less dangerous. His Lightsaber, attached to his waistband, was there to remind his enemies who he had been, and what he was still in the eyes of the Galaxy. The Jedi killer.

Rey frowned a little as she noticed that he had lost weight, that the stress and lack of sleep had made his skin look paler. However, he seemed healthy and ready to defend himself in the event of an attack. No one could have guessed that he had been the victim of an assassination attempt three weeks earlier, when he was sabotaging the shields of his own Mega-Destroyer.

“ Well… How do you say that already ? The Supreme Leader is dead, long live the Supreme Leader ? ” She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Ben sighed, slowly held out his hand to her face, and caressed her cheek.

“ I knew I should have found a way to contact you… ”

“ Oh, no… You think ? Fortunately we have the Bond, without it, I would be convinced of your death… ”

She wanted to say this in a humorous tone, but barely managed it. Ben leaned toward her, apologized in a voice so low that she almost did not hear him. She thought he was going to kiss her, but he did not. Instead, he gently leaned his forehead against hers.

He was here now, everything was fine.

A comfortable silence settled between them for several minutes. Then Ben’s fingers slid down her neck to reach her chest, stop between her breasts. Rey held her breath, she was not wearing anything except a linen shirt. He could easily feel her heart beating wildly for him. He knew what she wanted. They wanted it both. But he would not do anything. Not through the Bond. Not when light years separated them yet and that he knew he could disappear at any time.

Rey bit her lip nervously when his hand gently closed on the necklace she was wearing. Her relic. His legacy. Anakin Skywalker’s Kyber crystal. She felt Ben’s breath against her skin, warm and slightly trembling, as he sighed and let his worry disturb the peace of their connection.

“ You have to repair it. ” He said, looking down at the crystal in the palm of his palm.

His voice was soft and supplicating. They had already had this discussion a thousand times. For weeks, months, this subject had been a source of conflict and frustration so intense, so important, that the war which opposed them to the detriment of the well-being of the Galaxy, had almost become secondary. Now it was different. Ben was not trying to be her teacher anymore. He gave her no order or advice. He was just scared for her security and expressed it in a way that she was the only one to understand.

“ You have to repair it… ” He repeated when his eyes met hers again.

With a deep breath, Rey took his face gently between her hands and began to caress his cheeks with her thumbs.

“ Yes, but not without you. ” She murmured, relieved that he was not trying to push her away. “ We destroyed it together, we have to heal it together… You know perfectly well that I can’t do this alone Ben…”

She had already tried, but she was always failing, and her meditation sessions ended with the beginning of a migraine and a crystal that was bleeding more. After months of unsuccessful attempts, she had finally realized that the Force also had its own plans for the creation of her new Lightsaber. The way to find the Balance was without shortcuts. It was All or Nothing. And Ben was part of this big All. Even if he persisted in thinking the opposite.

“ You could do it, if you really wanted to. ” He said, frowning a little, because he guessed her thoughts. “ You’re strong enough to submit the Kyber to your own will. ”

Rey winced, not knowing what made her the most angry, the fact that he could suggest such a thing without feeling shame, or that this idea had already crossed her mind, in the past, in a moment of pure despair.

“ You and I both know that’s not the solution. I could completely destroy it or worse… I really like your Lightsaber, but I don’t want to corrupt mine. ”

Ben contracted his jaw and his lips trembled slightly. Then his hand dropped his grandfather’s crystal. Deep distress obscured his gaze, but Rey was unable to perceive the thought that had provoked it. Ben’s mind was a storm that only rarely calmed down. To succeed in capturing only one of his emotions required patience and determination. It was a challenge that Rey liked to take up, usually, it allowed her to practice using the Force, while learning to know him. Tonight, however, she was too exhausted to play that little game. So she waited patiently for Ben to finds the words to express what he was feeling.

A minute passed in a silence barely disturbed by the ventilation system of the Falcon. Then, as if he was expecting her to run away, Ben cautiously put his hands on her hips to bring her closer to him.

“ I’m sorry. ” He said, opening his mind to show her that he was sincere.

Rey sighed, gave him back his embrace without trying to hide the pleasure she felt, while she ran her hands through his hair and enjoyed his thrill of well-being.

“ It’s okay…it doesn’t matter… I would just like that you were really here. ”

He closed his eyes, searching for his words as he slowly passed his arms around her waist.

“ The Resistance doesn’t want me, the fact that I became a fugitive does not change anything, it doesn’t make me an ally of your friends… ”

Rey placed a hand to her cheek, to caress his scar, and, with the other, she began to massage his nape, to help him relax.

“ You’re not their ally, that’s right, but you’re mine. If you gave me a chance, if you let me tell them what you did, I could convince them to accept you. ”

“ Or you’d be killed… ”

“ Like always. It’s a risk that I’m ready to take. ” She assured, passing her index finger close to his lips. “ I want you Ben, as much as you want me. I don’t need you to win the war, I can fight without Lightsaber… I need you to live. ”

A flash of desire made Ben’s eyes shine, and his breath became slightly hoarse. He was hungry for her, but he kept his lips obstinately away from hers.

“ Rey… ”

She silenced him with an intense, quick kiss, unable to refrain her one second more. And, because she was a little embarrassed by her own audacity, she snuggled against him, hiding her face in his neck. A few seconds passed, during which Ben remained completely motionless, as frozen.

Then he came to his senses and began to breathe normally again. The Force around him had become very calm, warm and luminous like a summer sun. Rey smiled as he suddenly hugged her harder, and was delighted to feel his chest vibrating against her ear as he let out a short, discreet laugh. It was pleasant. And so rare.

“ I can wait for you for years, if necessary…” She said, breathing in the fragrance of his skin with a small moan of contentment - he smelled of leather, rain and ocean. “ But you, are you really able to stay away from me ? ”

Ben pushed her slightly away to look into her eyes. He wanted to answer “yes”. He needed to answer “yes”. She felt his trouble, deep in her soul. But he kept silent and kissed her gently, for a long time. Rey decided that she preferred this answer to all the others. No lies. No promises. Just him who needed her, and she who needed him.

“ Where are you ? Is the place safe ? ” She asked when they parted to catch their breath.

“ You know it. ” He replied, as he disappearing without warning, and that her arms were closing in the void.

A little disappointed that he left so quickly, Rey lay down on the bed, touched the two pieces of Kyber placed on her chest. Yes, she knew. But she would not join him, not yet. Even if she wanted him more than anything else. Even if the island was missing her.