#Rohan gets silly guy rights I don’t know what to tell you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years

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New Kids - Kakyoin Noriaki x Fem!Reader

Yes, I finished my exam session. Yes, it was 1 month filled with so many exams, and my brain is shortcircuited. Yes, I watched 4 parts out of 5 from JoJo. Yes, I regret nothing. Yes, I got only top marks. Yes, I love Cherry Boy Kaky, Dio, Caesar, Rohan, Joseph, Jotaro. Yes, I will write about JoJo from now on.

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“Hey, Jotaro? Do you have any chores to do? Or any homework? Can I help you out with anything at all?” I ask Jotaro as I lean on his bedroom’s door frame. “You’re at it again?” he asks with a bored look from his bed. “Yeah...Sorry about that. I’ve already cleaned the whole house spotless and did my homework for all subject...And even studied in advance. I’m getting restless.” I sighed, looking down at the floor. “Maybe you should find a better coping mechanism. You look exhausted. Have you been sleeping properly?” he asks once again, raising his cap to take a better look at me. “...There’s no point in lying to you, you’d find out anyway. No, I haven’t really been able to sleep. I’m always on the edge, and I feel like if I don’t keep my mind busy all the time, I’m going to go insane.” I explain, scratching my arm lightly. “Have you spoken to Mum about this?” he suggests, but I merely nodded. “Yeah...She took me to the therapist, but honestly, she pisses me off more than she helps, you get me? Or maybe I’m just not meant to go with this type of healing. Well...Holly said she’ll take me out to the cinema and shopping this weekend, so I’ll take my mind off things, so I think I should be good, at least for this week.” I speak as I instinctively tidy up his study desk. “Yare Yare Daze...Have you tried using your Stand? Find out how you can perfect some moves or combos?” he suggested, which made me stop in my tracks and shift my gaze to his turquoise eyes. “You know...That’s not such a bad idea. Maybe it would be a good way to meditate and clear my mind. I’ve been so frantic these past weeks that I haven’t even thought to see my dear Kitsune. Thanks for the idea, Jotaro. I think I know what I’ll do. But...If you have anything to do and you’re not up to it, tell me anyway. Just in case.” I shrug, getting out of Jotaro’s room and going outside, taking out my Stand and trying to meditate a bit, under the tree shade.

The next day, at school, for some reason, I’m called by a random student to Jotaro’s class, only to find out that a new kid transferred to our Highschool last month. Well, no wonder I had no idea about this...I’m in 3rd year, while Jotaro and this guy are in their 1st year. But even so, I wonder what’s it got to do with me? I got in the class as soon as the bell rang, and only the new kid and my old Biology teacher were there.

“Ah, Kat, it’s so good to see you! You look as beautiful as ever...But it’s no wonder you look so exhausted...What happened must have hit you quite hard. Is Mrs. Kujo taking good care of you?” Miss Yui asks, petting my long, red hair. “Well...Yeah. She is a great mother. I was quite lucky, to be fair...Under different circumstances, who knows how much worse it could have been. But...Anyway, why have you called for me?” I scratch the side of my neck nervously. “Well, dear, this is Kakyoin Noriaki, Jotaro’s new classmate. He moved here from another city, and he has been doing great for all subjects, except Biology. Now, you were my best student, and I remembered about your ambitions to become a Vet, so I thought that maybe you’d like to tutor him. It might also be a great opportunity for you to be more sociable and take your mind off of the bad things that have happened.” Miss Yui’s dark eyes sparkled with kindness as she spoke, but I could only gasp in shock at what I was hearing. “Wh-Wh-What?! M-Me, a tutor? I-I-I think you’d chosen the worst possible person. I’m not patient and I don’t know how to explain stuff for others to understand...And I’m really bad at making friends or...Talking. Are you sure I’m not just going to make it worse for him? Th-There’s always Aiko, and she’s an extrovert...And she went to the Olympics!” I suggested as my cheeks became rosy from embarrassment, but she only smirked at me with a knowing look. “Oh, please, Aiko has nothing on you. You’re much smarter than her, and honestly, she would scare Kakyoin-kun here with her volcanic personality. You, however...Let’s just say I’ve never met a calmer person before.” the teacher praised me, which made me look away and bite my lip, feeling my heart about to burst from emotions. “I really don’t want to bother you, Miss, but I would appreciate all the help I can get. I promise not to give you trouble.” Kakyoin soothing voice called out all of a sudden, and I had to cover my face in embarrassment. “O-Okay...Okay...I don’t mind...Just...I hope you won’t be disappointed. I’m VERY bad with people.” I sighed, side-glancing him. “I truly appreciate you going out of your way to help me out, Senpai.” he smiled softly, bowing at me. “No no no no, don’t do that, it’s fine, it’s no big deal. And, uh...You can call me Katrina or Kat. I’m not exactly Japanese, so it’s really weird when people don’t call me by my first name.” I scratched the back of my head awkwardly, but he didn’t seem to have any problem with what I was saying. “See? You’re already getting along! Their next exam is going to be in a month, from the Nervous System, just so you know what to teach him. Good luck!” she waved at us cheerfully, as we nodded at her and left the classroom. “So, uhh...When and where?” I ask, already trying to make a plan for how to go with this. “Tomorrow I finish pretty early, so maybe...Tomorrow, 2pm, in the park?” he proposes simply, while I thought about the things I had to do. “Well...Tomorrow I finish at 3, so if you don’t mind waiting a bit by yourself...Then sure, I have nothing else to do.” I smile gently at him. “I don’t mind waiting. I actually quite enjoy my alone time, to be fair. I’m not a people person either.” he smiled back. “Well, then that’s perfect! I’ll see you tomorrow. Take care.” I give him a military salute before taking off.

Hmm...Kakyoin Noriaki...Not bad...Maybe this will actually be fun and I’ll manage to forget everything that happened.

As soon as I get home, I take out all the notes I have from Year 1 and start making a battle plan on how to tackle every lesson properly, how will every scheme and drawing help and so on. Gods, I sure hope I won’t stutter, I’m so nervous... The only people I’m actually comfortable around are Jotaro and Holly, and now, I have to do this... But maybe it’s for my own good, right? What could go wrong?

The next day, instead of paying attention in class, I doodled random things in my notebooks, as a way to cope with how incredibly nervous I was and afraid of screwing up and embarrassing myself, but thankfully enough, hours passed by faster than imagined, and I found myself already walking towards the designated place, where I found Kakyoin sitting down at the base of the tree, looking peaceful, and seemingly drawing in a notebook. He looked very...Pretty... He inspires me such a relaxing vibe, that I almost feel at ease just being around him. His voice is so calm and gentle... He really is cute.

“Hey, sorry for keeping you waiting.” I speak out softly, sitting down next to him. “Don’t worry about that. I enjoyed myself. The weather is very nice today, don’t you think?” he continues the small talk. “Yeah...It really is. I mean...The Sakura season is supposed to begin soon, I think?” I mention, looking up at the fluffy cloud. “I think it’s in 2 weeks. I heard there’s a pretty big festival, right?” he smiles simply. “Hmm...I think so? I remember Holly making Jotaro take me to see the Sakura bloom, but other than that, I don’t know. I mean, it was really beautiful, but with someone like Jotaro...I guess you can’t stay much and admire stuff, you get me?” I chuckled, remembering how much the boy would scowl at all the girls trying to cling on him. “I see you’re close to Jotaro. I didn’t really see him as the type to make friends easily, especially with girls.” he noted, making me giggle in amusement. “It was...Kind of a forced situation, in a way. The whole deal is pretty complicated, but we had to stay a lot together due to family circumstances, and now we’re like siblings, so to speak. I really want to say that he’s like my little brother...But considering how I look like a Pomeranian when I’m next to him, I guess everyone would say I’m the little sister.” I bite my lip, trying not too laugh to hard, but it greatly amused Noriaki. “I would actually kind of want to see that, I bet it would be pretty funny. Then, how about we go to the festival together, all 3 of us? It would be nice to experience all the new things around.” Kakyoin looked at me with a soft expression. “Sounds good to me! Maybe this time I will actually get to SEE the festival too.” I chuckled, getting out my study materials from my bag. “So, here we go. I was thinking we could go with a bit of a different order to learning, seeing that the way things were taught is a bit broken and irresponsible. So, instead of first learning about the brain itself, I think actually learning about cells, the Neurons, more specifically, then go up the chain list with tissues, organs, organ systems, and their functions. Sounds good?” I suggest, already opening the notebooks at said lesson. “I have no objections. I’m in your hands, Katrina.” he leaned in closer.

Wow...My name, spoken by him, sure sounds good...

I begin explaining the first lesson, with every little detail possible and correlations that would help him understand things easier, and I didn’t realise how time flew so fast.

“Is this how you remember things? By doodling cute little things around the pages of your notebooks?” he smiled tenderly, making me gasp. “A-A-A-Ah...! Ignore them, please! I just like cute things and they kinda make me smile when I see them! S-Sorry, I know they’re silly!” I looked away, blushing faintly. “No, no, I think they’re really nice. I like doodling in my notebooks too. Makes me feel more at ease while studying. Say, would it be okay to ask you to lend me your study materials for a while so I can copy them?” he leaned back on the tree. “O-Oh, yeah, of course! Sorry, I completely forgot about that! Yeah, sure. Uh...They’re a bit heavy, sorry about that, will you be okay?” I bite my lip, taking out all the notebooks and portfolio filled with drawings. “Yes, nothing I can’t handle. Thank you so much for going out of your way to help me.” he helped me get get up as we walked towards the school. “So, when is the next time we can meet up? It’s uh...Kinda the longest and most difficult chapter, and it took me about half a year to understand it 100%...And we have a month now.” I explain, concerned. “Then, as often as possible, correct? I think tomorrow after class we can do this again, what do you think?” he took the bag from my shoulder, carrying it. “Here, let me carry it. It’s the least I can do to thank you for your trouble.” he smiled charmingly. “I’m not sure if you’re an angel, or if I just met a lot of mega-jerks, but I guess I’m glad I got to meet someone as nice as you. Yeah, tomorrow is perfect.” I grin at him.

He walked me to my home, and the whole day after this I could only think of how cute and kind he is.

Boy, I have it bad.

So bad that the whole weekend, Holly kept trying to make me speak, and when I finally managed to say something, she was fangirling so much...So much, even at home, that even Jotaro realised I have a crush on his classmate...

How V E R Y tragic...

Well, at least I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be better than last time.

And so, 2 weeks of meeting almost every day passed by, and in the weekend, we were supposed to go to the Sakura festival. Of course, Jotaro wouldn’t be caught dead to that place, so it’d be only the 2 of us. Fuuun~!

Of course, Holly wanted to buy me a cute, pink Kimono and made sure that I look extra pretty for the day, but damn, I was a nervous mess. Jotaro was nice enough to walk me to the festival and wait with me until Kakyoin arrived, which was at 6 sharp, and made sure that he’ll walk me home, which was very nice of him, to say the least.

“See? I really look like a Pomeranian next to him, and now you had the opportunity to see it for yourself.” I chuckled as we started walking through the festival, carefully looking at each booth and what it has to offer. “It was quite the sight. I didn’t realise you lived with Jotaro. He must be a nice big brother, despite how cold he seems with everyone.” he chuckled, looking a bit absent minded. “Oh, yeah, he is. Well, if you’re curious, I can tell you why I live with him, but it’s quite a complicated story.” I shrugged slightly, walking up to him. “If you want to tell me, I would gladly listen. It does seem like an interesting story.” he spoke, before turning to me. “You know...Pink looks very good on you.” his tender smile seemed to light up the night like the Moon, as he put a very pretty pink flower hair ornament that made my side fringe stay out of my hair. “There, now I can see your beautiful eyes better.” he spoke, but my cheeks for so red that I had to hide my face with my hands from how embarrassed I felt. “C-Come on, don’t say that, it’s nothing of the sort...” I tried to say, but to no avail. “What are you saying? Well, I guess you can’t see how amazing you are, but I assure you, being in this position, able to see you, is the best. Oh, I heard there will be fireworks soon. Why don’t we go up the hill? I bet the view will be great.” he spoke nonchalantly as he put his arm around my shoulder. “S-Sure, sounds great...It’s really pretty, this place. And being able to enjoy it with someone else...It’s really nice. I haven’t been this happy in a while.” I bit my lip, looking away, smiling. “Then, I’m glad I have the honour of being the one by your side.” he chuckled lightly, as we leaned on the big Sakura tree up the hill. “Say...Kakyoin...Don’t you think something weird’s going on?” I ask in a soft voice. “Hmmm...? What do you mean?” he asks, looking down at me with a raised eyebrow. “The wind is blowing softly...And yet...There’s no Sakura petal. And...There’s nobody here. I mean...Don’t you think other people would like to see the fireworks from up here? Or...Put those love charms on the tree branches?” I walk forward towards the middle of the hill to look around properly. “Just relax, you’re thinking too much into it. Look, down there, everyone has smiles on their faces, so there’s nothing weird that could’ve happened, right?” but just as he said that, a pair of hands shot up from the tree, strangling Kakyoin. “Wh-What the hell...?!” I gasped, looking around. “It can’t be...Where is he...?!” I muttered under my breath, as a monster-like humanoid figure got out of the tree and slammed Kakyoin on it. “K-Katrina...Run...!” he tried to warn, but I merely shook my head. “Hang in there, Kakyoin, I’ll save you!” I tried to reassure him, but a dark voice from behind me called out my name. “Awww, look at her, how she grew up! You look even better than you did some years ago. Now you’re actually worth looking at! And to think that you’re all mine...Why, Kitten, what’s with that face? Aren’t you happy to see me after all this time?” the voice that I hated with every fiber of my being spoke, and I could only clench my fists in anger. “Let him go. He has nothing to do with this. If you want me, attack me, but don’t be so cowardly as to take hostages. Honestly...You’ve never been a man, and you’ll never be. Jotaro’s barely 17 and he is much more a man that you will ever even dream of being. You’re just a whiny and bratty little boy who always gets mad when he doesn’t get what he wants. Pathetic.” I turn around to face the man in front of me...My ex. “Stop looking at me like that, you’re ugly. Just be an obedient little girl and smile for me, that’s all that you’re good at. But you’ve been whoring around with other men while I was away...What a naughty girl, you deserve to be punished...” his smirk was so wide, it almost seemed like his face will split in two. “Jeez...Disgusting as ever...” I tsked, before taking out letting my Stand, The Trickster, attack him. “How do you want to die? By attacking your Stand, or attacking you directly? I will let you choose.” I rolled up my long sleeves so I would have better access to my hands. “Pshh, as if some weak bitch like you can ever defeat me. Remember how you used to squirm underneath me? You’ll look just as pitiful now!” he started laughing hysterically, but I could only smirk. “Man...You see...My Big Bro made sure to teach me how to take care of myself. Guess I’ll have to show you not to mess with me anymore....Kitsune, come!” I said in a stern voice, as I and Kitsune’s hand touched, as we fused together.

I made a huge circle of fire surround us, and from my hands, two huge snakes of fire came out, lunging themselves at the jerk.

“H-Hey...What the hell...Since when are you a Stand user too?!” he shouted at me with rage and shock. “Since before you knew how to speak, fuckass. Now go away and burn in hell like you deserve!” I let out an amused breath, before chasing him away. “Urgh...Lame as usual...” I rolled my eyes, before rushing to Kakyoin’s side. “Kakyoin, are you alright? U-Uh...I...I’m not sure what happe-” I tried to think of an excuse, but I was cut off. “You’re a Stand user too?!” Kakyoin’s eyes widened in shock, as so did mine. “Y-Yes...! Can you see Kitsune too?!” I leaned back a bit, shocked to hear that. “Clear as the day. What a pleasant surprise...Ah! Watch out!” Kakyoin put his arms around me, shielding me from something. “Hierophant Green: Emerald Splash!” he called out his Stand firmly, as I heard another scream. “Weakling never give up, do they?” he said in a softer voice. “I heard idiots never give up. I guess both are right, hm?” I gave him a side-smile, as he let go of me slowly. “Think he’ll come back again?” he asked, taking a deep breath. “Hopefully not. I’ve seen enough of him for a lifetime. Ah...Come on, I can’t believe it...You have hand marks on your neck...Damn, I’m sorry. Come here, let me heal you.” I spoke gently as I loosened the kimono from his neck area and put his own hands around his neck gingerly, closing my eyes and concentrating my powers towards my palms. “Is this your power?” he asks in a bewildered voice. “Yeah...I can heal people...My stand is called The Trickster. Her name is Kitsune, because she’s a fox and...And people used to nickname me that a long time ago. Mainly Joseph and Suzie, I suppose...Well. She can mostly create illusions and trick people a lot...But this is her actual, primary power. I supposed that’s why I wanna become a Vet, I don’t know....But...I’m sorry you had to be caught up into my problems like that...You deserve better than this. There, you’re all good. I will go home now. I’m sorry, again.” I sighed, about to get up, but he caught my wrists before I could. “Don’t say that. I’m glad I got to spend more time with you...And learn more about you. You’re a beautiful woman, Katrina, inside and out. You’re very kind and lovely...And I think your stand really suits you. I’m glad that I met you, Katrina.” he smiled softly, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on my lips, which made my cheeks flare up. “A-Are you sure about that? You may regret your decision...And the last thing I want is you hating me.” I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure about a decision. Will you be my girlfriend, Katrina?” he asked me sweetly, fixing the hair ornament from my fringe. “Man...I really scored the blackjack today, didn’t I?” I chuckled softly, looking at the ground, before shifting my gaze back at him. “How could I say no? You’re an angel, I told you before, didn’t I?” I joked before kissing him back. “Also...There actually aren’t fireworks today, they’re supposed to be on Sunday, but...” calling out my Stand once again, I make a Firework show up on the dark sky. “That can be easily solved.” I smirk slyly, leaning on his side. “You’re a work of art...” he muttered, as he put his arm around me, kissing the top of my head.

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“Okay, so? How’d it go? You got your exam results today, right?” I ask Noriaki incredibly anxious, as we took out our bento, laying at the base of a tree in the highschool park. “Well...I guess it was decent.” he spoke mysteriously, reaching into his bag. “What does that mean? Come on, tell me, don’t leave me like that!” I whine, making him laugh. “Honestly, you’re more invested in this than I am, it’s amusing. Here, I hope you’re proud of me.” he took out a paper and let me take it. “Whoa! That’s amazing, yo got a 95%! You’re the best, I’m so proud of you!” I squealed in glee, throwing my hands around him, kissing his cheek. “It’s all thanks to you that I was able to get this mark, so thank you. Which reminds me...I wanted to give this to you, as a thank you gift. I hope you like it.” he smiled shyly at me, before he took something else from his bag...It looked like a dark green frame. “I began sketching it the day we first met up at the park...But as I got to know you better, I kept adding things, or changing them. Your face became much kinder, instead of the anxious one from the first time I saw you. You are dressed in the beautiful pink Kimono from the festival, instead of the school uniform, and you have the hair accessory I got you. You hold a fox in your embrace, as your stand is, and on the sky, the fireworks that you created are shown. You’re my muse, Kat. I love you, and thank you for putting up with me.” he put his hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer to him as he kissed me lovingly. “Man...You’re an amazing artist. Thank you, I love it...And I love you. I’ll hang it in my room, so I can see it every time I wake up. You’re the best, Nori.” I smiled at him with a soft giggle, before an angry noise was heard. “Could you keep that in private? Yare Yare Daze...You’re annoying...” Jotaro’s annoyed voice called out from above us. “Aww, how cute, Jotaro! But, you see, instead of complaining about us, I think you should run away before those girls catch up to you and go all over you. It’s not like Star Platinum can help you in that situation.” I winked at him, as he shot me a dirty look, going away. “Isn’t he adorable? What a cute little brother I have.” I chuckled, shaking my head. “Ah, that reminds me...Today that video game you talked about is getting promoted in our nearest game shop. Wanna come get it? It’s no big deal if we skip class and play video games all day, right?” I shrug nonchalantly, feeling over the moon with happiness. “I like how you’re thinking! Let’s go!” he took my hand and we sneaked out of that place, to the game shop, and thankfully enough, we managed to get the game just before they all ran out, so we hurried to his place to try it out, and thankfully, it was worth the wait and money since it was super fun and entertaining. That evening, as he walked me home, I remembered that I promised to tell him the story of how I got to live with Jotaro, and I started chuckling.

“Oh that reminds me...Remember when I said I’ll tell you why I live with Jotaro? I guess I kinda forgot to tell you about that. Basically, my family and his family have always been closed. I’m half-British, half-Italian, and my grandma is the sister of Jotaro’s grandpa’s best friend. Caesar Zeppeli...He died when Joseph Joestar was 19, while trying to save the world from some monsters, but Joseph, since then, has been very close with grandma...And in turn, I’ve been very close with my grandma too, and she’d tell me all kinds of stories, and she would take me see Joseph and Suzie very often in New York. It was always super fun. When I was in my first year of Highschool, I managed to score a scholarship and finish the whole year at this Higschool right here, and my grandma made me promise to speak to Holly, Jotaro’s mum. We kinda became very close, since she’s very sweet and all...But well, around the time we met, my own mother died, and my grandma asked Joseph to let me stay at his daughter...So, she’s been very sweet to take care of me ever since. And Jotaro has been trying to help me cope with the loss of my mother. He’s a nice guy, once you get past that snowman attitude. Besides...His Stand looks scarier than him!” I laughed merrily, having him join with a chuckle, and a kiss on my temple. “Poor dear, you have been through so much already, and yet, your smile shines brighter than the Sun. You’re a true work of art, Kat. Thank you for trusting me with your story. Honestly...I’ve always been such an introvert that even my mum would get annoyed with me. I’m really glad I met you. And I hope Jotaro won’t use his Stand on me...Ever.” he showed a side smile as we got in front of the house. “Thank you for walking me home, Nori. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” I kissed him softly, before going into the house, only to be greeted by Holly, whose hands were on her hips, and her foot was tapping on the ground frantically. “Well?!” Holly asks with a frustrated look. “Well...? JACKPOT!” I said in a loud voice, high fiving her. “YES! That’s what I’m talking about! You go, girl, you got him!” she grinned at me giddily, as we went to the kitchen to gossip and do some sweets. “Yare Yare Daze...The two of you together are horrible...” Jotaro’s annoyed voice called out, leaving the place.

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garden-ghoul · 7 years

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appendix blog, part 1

“going straight from talmud to LotR appendices is probably the easiest transition ever”

There’s a little beginning note that explains why certain things were included and how various sources are quoted... good good historian formatting.

The Third Age was held to have ended when the Three Rings passed away in September 3021, but for the purposes of records in Gondor F.A.I began on March 25, 3021.

See. This kind of bullshit. This is my favorite part because nothing makes a world feel more real than neighboring (ish) kingdoms disagreeing on how to mark time. Listen it’s fine, relativity dictates that events at different locations and different times can be “simultaneous” depending on how you look at it. The One Ring was destroyed at exactly the same time as Galadriel and Elrond’s boat set off from the Grey Havens.

I hope everyone who knows anything about relativity is mildly pissed. *I* sure don’t know anything about relativity, and am grievously misusing it. Er, right, I’m blogging the appendices.

THE NUMENOREAN KINGS

...this starts with an account of the creation of the Silmarils. Listen. LISTEN.

There were three unions of the Eldar and the Edain: Lúthien and Beren; Idril and Tuor; Arwen and Aragorn. By the last the long-sundered branches of the Half-elven were reunited and their line was restored.

Isn’t Arwen already a descendant of both lines. LISTEN!! Mr Tolkien!! What are you on about!! He even goes on to explain Elwing and Earendil’s marriage in the next couple paragraphs! Are the “branches of the half-elven” actually... half-elven mortals and half-elven immortals?? What do you mean “their line was restored”?? Is this some more monarchist genetic purity bullshit?? Gentle reader, I’m sorry for the absolute profusion of question marks, but I don’t really understand what he is obliquely hinting at.

The sons of Eärendil were Elros and Elrond, the Peredhil or Half-elven. In them alone the line of the heroic chieftains of the Edain in the First Age was preserved; and after the fall of Gil-galad the lineage of the High-elven Kings was also in Middle-earth only represented by their descendants.

Okay I really like this. After the first age there are no longer any pure noble lines of any particular race. Nobility, as we see in Rohan, just sort of happens organically. I know this is the exact opposite of what Tolkien wants me to get out of this, but I’m reading it as “nobility is arbitrary, and heritages have no inherent value, especially after their context has been lying under the sea for thousands of years.”

There’s a bit about the founding of Numenor and they mention Meneltarma. My favorite Meneltarma thing is that after the world was rounded it still presumably sticks up out of the ocean and has a view of Tol Eressea, and people keep sailing around looking for it. I’m not sure we ever heard for sure if Tol Eressea ended up on Middle Earth or in space when Numenor fell. Then there’s a list of rulers of Numenor. Anyone have sources on the last two ruling queens, Tar-Telperien and Tar-Vanimelde? They also mention the divide between Tar- kings and Ar- kings--the latter have Adunaic names, which explains what I’ve been wondering since I read the Akallabeth. The Faithful are even... linguistically faithful. Because of course they are, it’s Tolkien. Linguistic decisions are a primary method of characterization. I’m still mad Ar-Inziladun changed his name to Tar-Palantir when he re-Faitful’d. Inziladun is the coolest fucking name ever. PLEASE let elves learn about the letter Z. Also in re the execution of those speaking Sindarin on Numenor... I wonder what Tolkien thought about the way those methods of linguistic persecution were and are used on real-ass Earth? Did he hold all natural languages to be good and worthy? (most likely: no) It’s not like I need his probably racist opinions on this but I want him to see! Double standards!

They mention the palantiri, and I want to say quickly how rad it is that if you use them for one specific thing a lot they can get stuck on it. Their animating magic gets confused and trims the subroutines that allow them to look at other stuff. I’m fond of these buggy magical artifacts.

After this there’s a lineage of Elendil’s descendants in exile. I love the phrase “ship-kings,” and I hope Tolkien is going to explain why they are called that. Nope, he did not explain. Arnor ended up being divided into three kingdoms with silly names due to an inheritance spat. I remember someone (Tom Bombadil?) talking about small kingdoms, and I expect they will all be destroyed in the war against Angmar any day now. Oh no maybe they will destroy themselves! Just like any European fairy tale with three brothers, two of them are wicked and will not stop bickering over Amon Sul and the palantir there. While this is happening, the chief Nazgul moves in up north specifically to kill them all, but apparently they don’t notice and he has plenty of time to establish infrastructure and gather armies. Guyssss. Oh! And this is the place where they name him the Witch-King! Thank goodness that’s taken care of.

This one guy in the Good Brother kingdom tried to take over the other two Arnorian kingdoms, because they didn’t have the ~blood of Isildur~ ruling them. Bull! Shit! Who gives a fuck, man! Don’t conquer people this is basic fucking courtesy. ESPECIALLY not when Angmar is RIGHT THERE waiting for the Evil Brother kingdoms to try to secede and take advantage of your strife! Oh that king’s name was Argeleb though, a really good name, a good name for a star.

It is said that the mounds of Tyrn Gorthad, as the Barrowdowns were called of old, are very ancient, and that many were built in the days of the old world of the First Age by the forefathers of the Edain, before they crossed the Blue Mountains into Beleriand, of which Lindon is all that now remains. Those hills were therefore revered by the Dúnedain after their return; and there many of their lords and Kings were buried.

Hey. Rock on. Elves aren’t the only forebears who did cool shit and who we owe cultural continuity to. Ah then there’s this cool bit about how Ardevui (some king) had to flee Fornost and stay the winter with some snow people (!!) who gradually... warmed up to him, to such an extent that when Cirdan came to fetch the Dunedain there the snow people were like “nah stay till summer, then we can take down the Witch-King.” Ardevui didn’t listen, and almost immediately died in a shipwreck. But he did give the snow people a Foreshadowing Ring that probably is going to show up later. Ardevui was the last king of Arnor, but like, he had an heir. I guess the guy just wasn’t feeling kingship. Aragorn could have already been a king, except that hobbits didn’t really need any kinging and there weren’t enough Dunedain left in the north for it to be worth it. The royal line started a tradition of fostering their sons in Rivendell. So they’d be elvish enough to seem kingly, I guess. Elvish is like French, you’ve got to know it if you’re noble. We also hear about how Celebrian was tortured by orcs (why were there orcs in the north? has Angmar not fallen yet?) and had to go away to the West for her trauma.

And now we come to Aragorn II, the current king, who sometimes vacations in his country house near the Shire. But big folk are illegal in the Shire, so he never actually goes in. Just hosts exclusive parties at his mansion. Also we find out that Sam’s daughter Elanor is 1) very beautiful (presumably as a result of magic dust) and 2) a handmaid of Arwen.

Aha! Finally, ship-kings! They’re exactly what they sound like, a succession of kings who built navies and conquered stuff along the western coast. I just can’t bring myself to care that much about the Gondor section, because there’s no hobbits and so far Beruthiel hasn’t been mentioned either. It’s just a series of small wars with literally every one of Gondor’s neighbors. Oh wait no now we’ve got a bunch of Gondorrim being rude to some king’s wife because she’s of a “lesser race,” which caused a civil war. “No, no,” they reportedly said, “we’re just concerned her children will die when they’re 30, like normal humans.”

Then there’s a bunch more wars I don’t care about. Arvedui tries to claim kingship of Gondor, because Arthedain apparently have a tendency toward greed and too much respect for successions. Gondor just stopped talking to him and crowned someone else as king. Better luck next time, asshole. All right, here we go, one of the kings (?) from Gondor, Earnur, comes up to the Grey Havens to help retake Arnor and Cirdan and everyone go off on Angmar. Earnur almost kills the Witch-King but his horse is too cowardly. Glorfindel shows up and makes the prophecy that no man will kill the Witch-King. Okay, what? Since when is Glorfindel a prophet? Among elves that capacity is usually reserved for 1) mothers (and only in regard to their children) and 2) rulers of countries. Anyway after Earnur goes back to Gondor and becomes king he is laughably easy to bait by calling him a chicken, with the consequence that he rides to Minas Morgul to fight the Witch-King and gets tortured to death. He was the last king of Gondor, because mumble mumble blood purity hangups.

More wars, more wars. Duirng Denethor’s father’s reign a Mystery Guy from a Mystery Place shows up and is just really super good at fortifying Gondor, but he leaves as soon as he’s done enough deeds to make it safe. They call him Thorongil, but I kind of suspect it’s Aragorn. That would just make Denethor’s attitude toward Aragorn in RotK more hilarious, because young Denethor really resented how much everyone loved Thorongil more than him. This is also the origin of Denethor’s distrust of Gandalf, since Thorongil kept telling Ecthelion to trust him.

Oh I thought eventually there would be like a chapter break or something. TOMORROW is Aragorn and Arwen.

#blog of the rings

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footyplusau · 7 years

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The high-powered meeting where Kevin Sheedy and Richard Colless tore strips off each other

The animosity between the Sydney Swans and GWS Giants wasn’t sparked on the field.

It came to life at a high-powered lunch at Circular Quay six years ago, when inaugural Giants coach Kevin Sheedy and former Swans chairman Richard Colless roared at each other in front of the AFL’s most senior figures, including chief executive Andrew Demetriou and chairman Mike Fitzpatrick.

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Viney: Criticism of players has impact

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FootyFix: Can the Tiges keep it up?

Rohan Connolly previews all the footy action ahead of round 5 in the AFL.

Viney: Criticism of players has impact

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Viney: Criticism of players has impact

Richmond and Melbourne captains Trent Cotchin and Jack Viney believe the negative opinion aimed at individual players such as Tyrone Vickery can cause a heavy mental impact.

Gunston: Mitchell will receive plenty of banter

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Gunston: Mitchell will receive plenty of …

Gunston: Mitchell will receive plenty of banter

Jack Gunston knows if Sam Mitchell is right to play for West Coast his ex-teammates will make sure he remembers where he came from.

AFL plays of round 4

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AFL plays of round 4

Good Friday footy was great, Nat Fyfe is captain courageous, Hopper pops through a ripper, Eddie kicks six including the usual bit of genius and Riewoldt is sublime as Tiges remain unbeaten.

Clarkson’s confidence challenge

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Clarkson’s confidence challenge

Alastair Clarkson believes the playing group is devoid of confidence and will need to find a way to bounce back to remain competitive.

Geelong remain unbeaten as Hawthorn misery continues

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Geelong remain unbeaten as Hawthorn …

Geelong remain unbeaten as Hawthorn misery continues

The Geelong Cats have continued their unbeaten start to the season at the expense of winless the Hawthorn Hawks, winning 20.14.134 to 6.12.48.

Crows crush Bombers to remain undefeated

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Crows crush Bombers to remain undefeated

Eddie Betts and Taylor Walker kicked ten between them by half-time, as Adelaide crushed Essendon by 65 points to remain undefeated.

FootyFix: Can the Tiges keep it up?

Rohan Connolly previews all the footy action ahead of round 5 in the AFL.

“Let’s agree to what we’re going to fight about in the papers,” Sheedy said, according to those in the room.

Colless, the AFL’s longest-serving chairman who transformed the Swans into a powerhouse, wasn’t having a bar of publicity stunts played out in the media.

Flashpoint: Steve Johnson and Lance Franklin clash at the quarter time break during the 2016 AFL First Qualifying Final match between the Swans and the Giants. Photo: Michael Willson/AFL Media

“We don’t even want you in Sydney,” he said, according to those in the room.

Then it was on: two titans of the game passionately ripping into another. Fabulous stuff.

In the end, Fitzpatrick had to calm them down.

The other guests who had a front-row seat this day included Demetriou’s deputy and eventual successor, Gillon McLachlan, Swans coach John Longmire and chief executive Andrew Ireland, Giants chairman Tony Shepherd and then chief executive Dale Holmes.

Headline-maker: Kevin Sheedy was the perfect choice as coach for the Giants. Photo: Brook Mitchell/AFL Media

Sheedy confirmed the blow-up when contacted this week ahead of Saturday night’s blockbuster between the two clubs at the SCG.

“[Giants chief executive] Dave Matthews called the meeting,” Sheedy said. “I looked at Andrew Demetriou and Mike Fitzpatrick and said, ‘What’s this bullshit? Andrew, let’s not play the Swans for five years, because we’re only going to give them eight points so they can make the four.

“If he [Colless] doesn’t want us in, why should we give them eight easy points?’ How many top-four finishes and grand finals did the Swans make in those years when we were just starting out? This was on top of us being called an AFL propaganda hoax. I thought this was the biggest load of rubbish I’d ever heard.”

Then Sheedy throws in this line: “Richard didn’t appreciate the talent that was looking at him. He didn’t realise how good we were.”

The anecdote perfectly sums up the angst between the Swans and Giants, whose rivalry is intensifying as GWS edge closer to a maiden flag and Sydney struggles.

On one hand we have the Swans, who shrugged off mediocrity to become the strongest club of any code in the country.

On the other the Giants, who have been parachuted into Western Sydney and funded by head office. Sheedy – an Energizer Bunny when it comes to promoting the game – was the perfect choice as coach. He generated back pages by being, well, Sheeds.

“Kevin’s default position is to put on a clown suit, to be fired out of a cannon, to generate publicity,” Colless said. “The Swans position was ‘no gimmicks’. If we were to be taken seriously, [the] Geoff Edelsten days had to be gone. We’ve had to be taken seriously as a club, and that was to be respectful of our position in NSW. We had to show humility and convey that we understood the history and culture of sport in this city.”

To that end, Colless does not believe rivalry or animosity between the two clubs can be manufactured. He loathes the term “Battle of the Bridge”, which positions the Anzac Bridge as the geographical divide between the two clubs.

“There’s no question that the fixture has taken on a different complexion because Sydney is respected for its consistency and now you’ve had this spectacular rise from GWS,” he said. “But the Swans have done the heavy lifting with sustained success. ‘The Battle of the Bridge’ is a stupid term. Big brother, little brother … Who thought of that? In Adelaide, there’s deep-seated enmity. That type of rivalry takes time. With Sydney and GWS, I think it’s more deep-seated respect.”

A crowd of about 40,000 is expected for the round five match on Saturday night. It follows the 60,000-plus crowd at ANZ Stadium for last year’s qualifying final between the two clubs.

Sydney get four big-name players back but they are eyeballing a possible 0-5 start to the season. There have been whispers around Moore Park all summer that two grand final defeats in three years have left deep scars.

It should be a fascinating game, but Sheedy won’t be in attendance because of other commitments in Melbourne.

“But tell the NRL I’ll come and help them any time that they need me,” he said.

Like almost every conversation I’ve had with him, I don’t know if he was joking.

Within his rights to look around: Aaron Woods. Photo: Getty Images

Tigers’ dramas drag on

Bravo, Ivan Cleary, bravo.

The new Wests Tigers coach did what his chief executive should’ve done months ago: he told off-contract stars Aaron Woods and James Tedesco on Thursday they had 24 hours to make a decision about their futures.

Then Cleary walked over to the gaggle of reporters at training at Concord Oval and told them, too.

Unfortunately, he should’ve also brought a white flag because it’s a sure sign he knows both players are leaving.

Woods is basically a done deal at the Bulldogs. Fans will bag him but consider the fact he’s been there for two rebuilds and is now expected to hang around for a third.

Tedesco has been genuinely torn but all roads seem to be leading to the Roosters instead of the Dogs. He’s been sounding out Roosters players about joining them next season.

The Roosters are adamant Tedesco won’t receive more than a $1 million a season, relying on the selling point of joining a powerful club. They expect a decision in the next day or two.

When the dust settles, can someone explain to me how Tigers chief executive Justin Pascoe and the board keep their jobs after all this?

In less than a year, on their watch, they have: disgracefully shoved favourite son Robbie Farah out the door; sacked coach Jason Taylor after three rounds (he found out from his coaching staff, who found out via Twitter, that he’d been punted); then watched three local juniors in Woods, Tedesco and Mitchell Moses walk out of the club.

Meanwhile, the all-powerful Wests faction that pulls all the levers won’t talk publicly about the decisions it is making.

Someone wake me when this is over. It has officially become boring.

Inspirational human being: Curtis McGrath. Photo: Brendan Esposito / NRL Photos

True grit

If you ever needed a reminder about the silliness – and importance – of sport, it was there for those of us lucky enough to attend the Ted Larkin Oration dinner at NRL headquarters on Wednesday night.

The oration was delivered by Curtis McGrath, the decorated former sapper who incredibly rebounded from losing both his legs from a mine blast while serving in Afghanistan in 2012 to winning a Paralympic gold medal four years later.

“My legs were gone,” McGrath told a silent room. “Everything hurt. My earlobes, my bum, my tongue, my eyes were sore.”

Then he uttered these immortal words …

“They loaded me on to a stretcher and as they carried me along, that’s when I said, ‘You guys will see me at the Paralympics. I’ll compete for NZ in the black and white, not the green and gold’. They said, ‘We’ll drop you here’. They were crying as they were carrying me. That’s what I have learnt: this injury wasn’t just mine. It belonged to everyone around me, too.”

As McGrath waited for a helicopter, his mood changed.

“I didn’t think I was going to die until I was sitting there waiting for the helicopter,” he said. “That’s when I asked one of the lads, ‘You need to print off some letters on my laptop to my family, my girlfriend, my friends’ [to tell them] that I wasn’t coming home.”

When McGrath was eventually loaded on to an air force “nurse” headed for Germany a few days later, the enormity of the war in Afghanistan struck him.

“I was the only non-American on the flight, we were all wounded,” he said. “This was when I realised this war was so much bigger than I realised. Up the front, there were two guys having surgery on them. They were trying to die on that flight.”

McGrath took up the paracanoe and last year, in Rio, won the KL2 200 metres … wearing the green and gold of Australia.

Still a chance: The Sydney Harbour Bridge could yet host a horse race.

Long shot, but a shot nonetheless

An exclusive story in last Saturday’s Sydney Morning Herald about horse racing being held on the Sydney Harbour Bridge was met with scepticism, as tantalising as the prospect of thoroughbreds steaming over the Coathanger might be.

Racing writer Chris Roots revealed Racing NSW is in discussions with a promoter about synthetic turf being laid across the bridge for program consisting of six races of about 1000 metres.

This column made some calls on it and was surprised to learn – not least from a few state politicians – that this might have legs.

It still appears to be a long shot, but don’t dismiss it as something a couple of marketing types schemed up over a long lunch at Mr Wong.

We’re assured the promoter in question who approached Racing NSW isn’t a lightweight, is serious about making it happen, and serious about it happening in Sydney.

Given the width of the bridge, temporary grandstands could be erected at either end so a crowd of 20,000 to 30,000 could watch.

The event wouldn’t so much promote racing in NSW as Sydney itself. Images of horse races being held on Australia’s most iconic landmark would be shown around the world.

No word yet on which way the horses would run, although it makes sense that they should head north so they don’t have to pay the toll.

THE QUOTE

“He would often do an entire weights session in his undies.” – Bernard Foley‘s enduring memory of Wallabies and Waratahs teammate Drew Mitchell, who has announced his retirement.

THUMBS UP

In 1967, Kathrine Switzer became the first woman to run in the Boston Marathon. “Get the hell out of my race!” shouted race director Jock Semple as he tried to take her out. On Monday, half a century later and at the age of 70, she again ran in the race and officials retired her bib number in her honour.

THUMBS DOWN

Boston Celtics star Isaiah Thomas bravely took to the court in the NBA finals a day after his sister was killed in a car accident, and then knocked down 33 points. Of course, Charles Barkley thought it necessary to say the sight of Thomas crying pre-match was “not a good look”. Just wow …

It’s a big weekend for … the Western Sydney Wanderers, who meet a Brisbane Roar side that will have revenge on their mind in the A-League quarter-finals at Suncorp Stadium.

It’s an even bigger weekend for … Polarisation, the English stayer who won the Sydney Cup two weeks ago and must do it again on Saturday after the first attempt was declared a “no race”.

Andrew Webster is on Facebook.

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