#SORTM T

[rockintapper]

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(now there’s less) tangotronic doodles part 6

this time with tall tappers, a stepswitcher, a chorus kid, and tj snappers gf!

and a rh x jd doodle! wowie zowie!! 😃

[wisteria-lodge]

burnt lion primary + burnt secondary

hey!! so back in april i sent in a sortme submission, and you ultimately said that u think that i’m a slightly burnt lion primary + bird secondary (snake model). i just wanted to thank u again for taking the time to help me with that! but i just have some doubts still, and some more to say, i’m so sorry if it’s too much or all over the place!

i’ve always turned to other people in my life that i trusted and loved the most to help guide me in almost every situation, because i just get so indecisive, and i feel like i need an outside source to either affirm or deny my choice. but i feel like i usually end up going either with my gut feeling and feeling satisfied, or go with what “sounds” right but end up getting hurt.

If you didn’t say the thing about gut response, I would have described all this as Exploded *Bird.* If you really do feel better/safer/more satisfied going with your gut response, then that’s still a Lion. (Although I’m keeping open the possibility that you’re a Bird who thinks they need to be a Lion for some reason.)

but either way i just feel so guilty, like i can’t help wondering if i made the wrong choice or if i can turn around and choose the other one. so i feel like the whole process is just very burnt lion-y.

It does, yeah.

also, when i said that i felt like everyone develops some sort of improvisational model as an adult, i actually meant to say foundational (i think that’s the term?) secondary models.

I think you wrote the first submission early enough that the terms were still in flux. If you meant to say that you think all adults have learned to model built/prepwork secondaries, that’s completely different, and skews me in the direction of thinking that your Bird secondary might in fact be a model.

also, on my bird secondary, i feel like i might have some lion in there? when i was young, i was quite shy, but when i would get comfortable enough i wouldn’t think as much before i acted. 

That’s a human thing, but I’ll keep an eye on it. 

and then in middle and hs, there was this internal struggle of not being comfortable enough around certain people to be outgoing and social, to show that side of me to others, and i would be jealous seeing other people just be themselves so easily. 

This specific thing most likely relates back to your Burnt primary. Burnt Lion are often jealous of un-Burnt Lions, that’s a thing. 

i think back then i viewed it as either not being yourself at all or completely showing yourself to someone. 

This could be evidence of Lion secondary… but it could be Lion primary. I’m starting to think that your secondary might have been very Burnt, and you were just living in your primary for a while. 

it takes me so so long to open up to people and truly be myself, and even then i may never be my true self, but just peel back certain layers. i feel best when i don’t have to think about what to say, or when i don’t have to think about what’s worked in the past. 

This could describe Lion, Snake, Badger mirroring… but I don’t think it actually describes Rapid-Fire Bird. 

it can be useful, and i definitely use it more and more every year. knowing what i’m going to do/say helps. 

So you model a Built secondary (probably Bird) 

especially because i get so stutter-y and scared

Like this is burnt secondary… but it seems like there might also be anxiety or something else going on here. It’s not ethical for me to armchair diagnose though. 

but when i peel it all back, i feel like i might be an improvisational secondary. one of the things that i’m proudest of is when i got my first job. it took me longer than my peers to get one because i would get so scared to go to the interview, so i would back out the day before. but during all of those times.

Ouch. Burned secondary (and anxiety?)

i would turn to my family and best friends for help, constantly asking them what to do. 

That’s your Burnt Lion again. (Little words in there like ‘constantly’ give this the feeling of… out of control.) 

but when i applied for the job that became my first job, i was sure of myself and i didn’t tell anyone until i was going to the interview, in which i told my parents. i felt so much better to act alone and when i was sure of myself,

Oh that’s a Lion primary, unBurning. 

and to just go and do it. it was a big step for me. idk if that points to any one secondary, or that still applies to bird.

Gee, that just sounds like a unBurnt secondary. Not even sure which kind exactly. Feels good, right? 

i’ve always looked to other people for direction. i get so indecisive or overwhelmed and end up getting overwhelmed and just laying in bed all day, so other people guiding me, specifically my mom and best friend, helps a lot. 

I would really, really look into mental health resources and getting yourself a therapist of some kind. The debilitating level of fear you’re describing, and something like lying in bed all day, is starting to sound like clinical anxiety and depression. It isn’t supposed to be that hard, I promise. 

but when it comes down to it, nobody can really make me do anything but myself. i’m not gonna do something unless i care about it. 

Lion primary.

i find that i do enjoy the process of certain things, like cleaning, learning a new piano/choir piece, or even just driving somewhere. i enjoy doing things for people that i care about (which are a very select few) and enjoy the process of that.

This, this is good. This is a secondary starting to unBurn and take pleasure in things again. Little bits. Little things. But it counts, and it’s a huge step. From this little list, I’m starting to think maybe Badger… but I honestly have no idea. You’ve got a very delicate, healing secondary, and you should nurture that. 

i feel like i could be a snake primary with a slightly burnt lion model? i definitely do have a hierarchy of people whom i care about and prioritize in my life, and i get very defensive over certain people in my life. the only thing that i’ve ever felt really strongly about in life has been my family, and making sure that nobody bad mouths them, even if i agree with what they’re saying. but for everyone else who isn’t family, i’ll prioritize certain things over them. for example, when there’s an argument involving my best friend and our other friend, and the other friend is right, then i’ll side with the other friend, but sometimes the best friend could guilt trip me into making me be on their side just because they’re my best friend. idk it’s all so complicated. i can usually see both sides of an argument, and have trouble choosing because they both are valid or true.

Also because you’re Burnt, and because you’re not used to trusting your own takes on things and your own responses to things. I’m not even sure I can responsibly pick though all that. Because you say the only thing you’ve ever felt strongly about is your family, but I strongly suspect that the only thing you’ve allowed yourself to feel strongly about is your family (and your best friend.) And that doesn’t seem to make you feel good and strong, it seems to make you feel… guilty. 

At this point I do think Burnt Lion is most likely… but if you came back in a month and told me, I think I’m a Burnt Bird who really likes Lions and was trying to be a Lion… I’d buy that too. 

i also like i could be a snake secondary. i feel like i’ve always been quite avoidant since i was a child, but it’s never felt wrong. in fact, it’s felt quite good, to be able to get myself out of a situation, or something that i had to do. i would usually pretend to not be aware to get out of doing something or to hide something, and it usually worked. now, i do it more regularly, specifically to get out of doing assignments for school, or i’ll find a way to get out of giving a presentation but still get points. actually it could be bird still because i try to look at what i’m working with before acting.

Honestly, too Burnt to tell. Because you’re not telling me about how you did things, you’re telling me how you didn’t do things. And of course there’s carry-over, but that’s an important distinction. You easily could be a Burnt Snake secondary, sometimes called the “driftwood” snake. This could be Burnt Lion, shutting down. This could be Burnt Bird secondary even. Badger is the *least* likely I think, because Burnt Badger secondaries like to overwork themselves, especially when it comes to school… but this is an example of Burnt secondaries kind of looking similar. Which they do. 

sorry if that was really long and rambly and all over the place. thank u for taking the time to help me!

I hope I did help, a little. Mostly, I hope things will turn around for you. 

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