#SOS BTO IM GOING CRAZY

[whspermy-name]

He's just a cutie patootie isn't he

[thewanderingbreath]

somehow isaac helps to keep my mind off things. i share the craziness of everything, i get to hear back from him relatively quickly unless we're both occupied. we make impromptu plans to go out and run errands or spend an adventure together. i get to spend my first solo trip overseas with him as company. i get to share my day with him.

his presence fills up the space you left. i get to do the things i wanted to do with you, but with him. i don't feel burdened that i'm spending time with him, he has nothing holding him back (apart from our timing being off). he's single and uncommitted. if things were different, maybe we would have started something.

i don't feel guilty for spending time with him, nor a side option. nor do i feel dirty for flirting or passing cheeky comments just because we've a tendency to drop them as and when we want.

he tells me he usually feels angry. he reminds me of you. his playlist of pop rock. his hair. the way he looks at me sometimes despite being a little shit. we can talk about literature, emotions, our thoughts and perspectives towards certain things. we enjoy hanging out with each other. he knows what it's like to have loved deeply, but to have let go. i haven't opened up to him, i don't think i will.

he's helping me through this wave. a rebound; maybe. of course i do think he's sweet and caring, he helped me after my accident despite it being 8am on a tuesday morning. ironic, you were the one who motivated me to get my license. now i spend my days riding around places with him. no need for pillion. though, just like you, he was my second pillion ride and i made sure we held each other close.

he reminds me of what it felt like with you. the inside jokes, the laughs, the eye-rolling. the causal brushing of our hands, or when he rests his arm on my thigh while i force him to pillion me on my bike. i wonder if it's casual. oh well, it doesn't matter. his touch reminds me of yours.

i still feel scared when i see your IG. if a new post is coming in. just like the typical BTO and ROM ones. you'll be there soon right? are you looking forward?

i don't know. im not in love. i just remember what it was to love, and how i left everything feeling so hurt.

[bittersweetchoices]

Title : Living with a bipolar adik ipar

Shared on tinyurl.com/CeritaAku

Salam Everyone.. Im married already been 1 year and staying with in laws while waiting for Bto. Trying to adapt with my adik ipar attitude is soo tiring I'm in my mid 20's and she is 1 Year younger then me. She's a teacher and she say she have bipolar she can sometimes not talk to the family for weeks or days depend on her mood if someone piss her off then she can just be quiet and ignore everyone of us. I can be a very straight forward person so I think i might have hurt her and she have unfollowed me in instagram and Facebook before and she have also unfollow the family members before if anyone start to piss her off. Just few days I might have pissed her off during my husband bday when she ordered a cake and a balloon for my husband she only inform me after she order it. But one thing that bother me is that the balloon she bought was like a figurine that is of a slice of a kid and the head will move when theere is win so it's kind of scary when it's in the room and that thing will float. I think i might have hurt her feelings by saying how scared i was when that balloon is in the room but she doesn't seem to understand the next day i found out she unfollow me in instagram again.

I cried thinking what I did wrong again why someone like her can't understand but at the end of the day I texted her and apologies and told her that she unfollow me in instagram then she say oh really she didn't know she say her instagram got problem and I'm overthinking which I know it's not the instagram problem because she still is following her sister and it's not once she unfollow her family members and me. I'm just annoyed that she is like making me like someone stupid. I sometimes can have anxiety attack whenever I'm at my in laws place because I have to keep adapting myself to everyone attitude in the house its soo tiring. One after another. Sometimes I just wish I'm not married so I don't have to face this family coz everyone in the family is always giving in to her like sacred to tegur dia coz scared she will buat perangai. I have not been talking to her coz I think I just need some time. Sometimes I feel stupid or rather clumsy when I'm there is like every small wrong things I do i will keep attacking myself and saying how stupid I am for making that mistake. My anxiety is just crazy. My husband is very supportive whenever I have anxiety he will always make sure I'm okay he will always try to be there for me there are days that I miss staying at my mums place but I can't go back to sleep there due to no room there renting a house is expensive. I don't know how to get out from my anxiety.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

[kyandice]

Bitch I feel so damn alone.

I need to rant and like writing this here isn’t gonna work. Because I feel relieved if people know what I’m going thru. Like it feels like at least someone (I KNOW, NOT STRANGERS) UNDERSTANDS. As much as I trust strangers with my secrets more cuz duh they don’t even know me. It’s always better when someone actually asks me how I’m doing or ask me to rant to out all on them.

My problems doesn’t sound big or anything. It’s the worrying and over thinking part that makes me batshit crazy.

I just need someone to talk to and like I only have Darius and Josh to talk too. And they are all guys I just want a girl I can talk too. But like all my girl friends are like just… I’m just not that comfortable with them yet. I just feel like, they’re a little too judgey more me still. Like for Shannon and Elizabeth and jiaqi they will listen to my crazy parents problems or my studies problems. But once I have other problems I don’t know how to say it too them.

For me, I just bottle up every worries or insecurities I have. I just want to spill it all out. I feel much better. And like every time I talk to:

Tze wan she understands me and everything. But she will start talking about her problems. Tbh, I don’t mind if you start talking about your problems. Really. But what she does is, she goes on and on saying how I shouldn’t be worried or anything cuz she has it worst. And I’m like, my dad will cane me I’m just so scared. And she’ll be like, aiya don’t scared la that one nothing, you know horh my dad horh he molest and abuse me and blah blah blah. Yes yes Ik her problems are worst but she doesn’t have to ignore that I’m worrying. I rlly don’t mind her talking only about her problems but what she does it dismiss my worries cuz my problems aren’t as scary as hers.

Josh is like really nice he always listens to all my troubles and he tried to cover me when my dad asks about my whereabouts. And he helps me a lot with my studies and like literally so much. But his gf cheated on him he’s taking it really bad the whole thing is so complicated and like I really don’t wna like seem like it ALL ABOUT MY PROBLEMs. so smtimes I rant he listens, but smtimes he just seem uninterested so yeah. But im listening to his problems too giving him advices and shit. We give each other advices and I told him not to fuck around anymore cuz that’s like really hurtful to another person and he just got cheated it’s kinda karma.

Darius is just. Uninterested. Cuz he has his problems to worry. I just rant to him when I have no one. Haha.

And for Bryan. my Gosh. He’s just one of my biggest worries. He has. A big big big big set of problems to worry. And. I just don’t wna burden him with my problems. So it’s like I don’t go to him much for emotional support and it’s just kinda sad. Like he’s supposed to be the one listening. But I don’t want go to him cuz he’s just going thru SO MUCH. And we are both busy with our lives. My finals coming up and he’s has work. So we cant meet up ask much. And whenever we meet up, it will be pretty long and of course both of us will be like craving sex for the longest time. And what do we do? We spend that time fucking. And it’s like sad. Cuz it seems like he isn’t there for me and I’m not there for him. We are like tgt just for sex. Like we know we are here for each other. But I don’t wna burden him by talking Bout my problems. And he hates thinking about his problems and talking about it. So it feels like I can’t be there for him. And we don’t text much either. Cuz he’ll be busy with games where he can escape reality and yeah. I just wna spend some quality time with him. Even if it’s just meeting him for a few seconds to just hug and talk for a little I just want that. I mean till today, he never has once asked about my day or how I’m doing or how was school. It’s always me who has to ask him if I can rant. Or me who’s always been asking how he’s doing and how is work. But he always say it’s fine and doesnt seemed to go much into details. We argued. Cuz I just wanted him to tell me more. Like yeah Ik he’s not fine but I want to know how he’s feeling like is he scared or insecure, yes I know that, but I thought if he ranted it, he will feel better. So I forced it out of him. Turns out he doesn’t like talking about his emotions and feelings cuz that’s what guys do. I just wna be there for him, but I don’t know how. I just can’t be there for him when he needs sex (Or when I need) only right? And he was like: what if I only love you for sex. And I was like that’s how u feel and he didn’t give me a proper answer so.. If that’s how he feel then. We are doing this all so wrong. But I can see he cares about me. He wants to take me to a nice restaurant when he’s getting his pay. Yeah that’s all. So we don’t talk. Yeah we do some catch ups here and there about our friends and his work. But that’s not the real talk yaknow. I can do this small talk with anyone. He hardly shows me his emotions and he still is a little insecure towards me. He doesn’t give me photos of him. He hates it when I secretly take photos of him. He hates taking pictures tgt. I just want him to rant everything to me and be brutally honest with his feelings and emotions. But whenever I asks him, it always seem to him that I’m invading his personal space, me being controlling and possessive as i want to know everything. He gave me the “space” word and like any other girls who would ever hear this, we then deadass crazy paranoid. I worried for 2 weeks. He didn’t talk to me, was always annoyed and angry at me and i was just so scared. I didn’t dare to text him. But everyday I go without texting him, i start to worry more. So me being the crazy girl went to find him at work everyday. But like secretly watching him from a blind spot making sure he’s all okay and fine. But it’s over, he says he was kinda sorry for neglecting me. But now, im just giving him the space he wants. He finally asked me to meet up.but we both decided to use that time for sex so yeah. Sex was good and we cuddled but like the pillowtalk after all the MAJOR EXPLOSIONS is where Bryan is most emotionally vulnerable. So its the only time i can do the real talk with him. But it sucks. That it doesnt feel like we are tgt. But more like fuck buddies. I just want to meet him more be involved with his life more. But he feels its intrusive and oh well, im busy with finals too and i have crazy parents who dont allow me to stay later than 7pm.

I’ve decided, I’ll join the police force no matter what.

Things I need to find out is:

How to become a k9 officer.

Is the salary stable enough to get me a house by 25 years old?

Is promotion and increment of salary slow???

And like I wna get married as soon as possible and get a bto and yeahhh. I just want to settle down as fast as possible. Get a stable income, get married get a house.

“Oh these times are hard,

Yeah, they’re making us crazy

Don’t give up on me baby”