#TEJAS SKATEBOARDING | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ernestsinclairs · 6 years

Text

The Downfall of Viktor Montmartre

CRACK/SATIRE FIC BECAUSE I HATE THIS MOTHERF****ER

Viktor Montmartre sauntered through the doors of his LA office and plopped down into his Versace alligator skin chair. It had been exactly $62,345.90 including tax, and he’d printed the price out onto a sticker and stuck it onto the chair to remind him of how rich he was.

Leland St. James suddenly popped up on the 60-inch Plexiglass TV. Viktor smirked, then turned the volume up.

“Stunning new allegations against Viktor Montmartre!” the annoying, weasel faced man squealed. “More allegations of sexual harassment, reckless endangerment, negligence, and all around, just being a total douche!”

“WHAT?!?” Viktor screamed, throwing the remote down on a panda skin rug. “HOW, HOW-”

Suddenly the phone rang. Enraged, he yanked it up, nearly ripping it by the cord.

“This is Edgar, your lawyer,” came a voice on the other end.

“I know who you are, Edgar! I’m the one who hired you! Now what is it?! And go sue that Leland St. James! He snaked me!”

“About that, boss, sorry.”

Viktor shut up for a moment, his jaw hanging open. He suddenly looked very very stupid.

“Edgar, what do you-”

“You ain’t getting out of this one Viktor. Damn, boy, you are screwed. There’s nothing I can do. Bye.”

Viktor Montmartre screamed in fury and threw the entire telephone on the floor where it promptly shattered into a million pieces. He felt slightly better.

“And more news about Thomas Hunt’s sexy new piece, The Duchess!” Leland St. James quipped from the safety of the TV. “It’s on track to outpace Double Agent by Tommy Phelps! It’s expected to open at $652 million, and . . . well . . .”

Leland looked down at a piece of paper.

“Well, Double Agent’s expected to make . . . you know what, I’m not even going to say that number. yIKES.”

A laugh track played. Viktor Montmartre screamed some more.

“TIFFANY!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. Almost instantly, a timid looking assistant appeared, clutching a clipboard.

“FIX THIS!”

“Fix what?” she stammered, looking very frightened. “There’s a lot of problems to fix.”

“LIKE WHAT?!” Viktor roared, launching a Grammy award that was nearby at his Oscar award shelf. It missed and took of the head of the Chris Hemsworth cardboard cutout instead.

“There’s really no good way to say it, so . . .”

Tiffany paused and braced herself.

“Sir . . . your nudes leaked.”

“MY WHAT?!”

“Your nudes? Remember you sent them to that Playboy model? Yeah, well, she leaked.”

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?!?” Viktor howled, launching another Grammy award. This one found its mark, and an entire shelf of Oscars tumbled.

“And the police might be here. I thought I’d let you know.”

“AND WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT THAT?!”

“Oh, I brewed them some coffee. I told them I’d add some creamer if they backed off.”

“Did they?” Viktor Montmartre asked hopefully.

“No.”

An entire of squadron of police suddenly burst in, a siren blaring behind them. Somehow, they had managed to get a police car all the way up fifty floors.

“HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GET HERE?” Viktor shrieked, pointing at the police car.

“You had the elevators modified, sir,” Tiffany answered quickly. “Remember? When Priya Lacroix came to visit and she wanted the elevators bigger so she could have orgies in them?”

“Oh, right,” Viktor said, remembering. “She was hot. And scary.”

There was suddenly some commotion from the back, and the police parted like the Red Sea. Thomas Hunt rolled in a skateboard, sipping a glass of scotch, oozing sexiness like a beehive oozed honey.

“So nice to see you, Viktor,” he drawled. Tiffany looked at him and sighed lustfully.

“Just wanted to give you this.”

He took out a bundle of ‘The Duchess’ premiere tickets out of his pocket and proceeded to make it rain.

“I hope they’ll let you out of jail for this,” he drawled some more. “Only entertainment, now that you’re going to prison.”

Viktor burst into angry tears and Thomas Hunt rolled away without a care in the world.

“Viktor Montmartre, you are under arrest,” said a rather stupid looking brunette police officer. Viktor looked at him. His name tag was backwards and said “Yffud”.

“YFUDD? I’M GETTING ARRESTED BY A GUY NAMED YFUDD?!” Viktor wailed.

The policeman cowered, awkwardly handing the handcuffs to another officer.

“It’s Duffy, sir, Duffy.”

A slick looking man in an Armani suit and a lawyer’s briefcase than strode in, flashing a white business card with silver lettering at everyone.

“I’m the lawyer from Raines Corporation,” he stated flatly. “Viktor, we’re suing you for copying our lobby design.”

Viktor screamed in rage and proceeded to hurl a bonsai tree out the window. A policeman attempted to catch it, but happened to fall out with it.

The police marched the screaming man out the main lobby, with the Raines Corp. lawyer taking photos of every single lobby detail, every single chair, every single streak of window polish.

Outside, the media had gathered like a swarm.

“Mr. Montmartre, is it true you sexually harassed women?” Ana de Luca demanded, pressing a microphone to his mouth. Viktor just cried as he was hauled off to jail.

All around the country that night, the country rejoiced. Matt Rodriguez rejoiced right before the surgeon put him under. Rising director, Teja Desai, danced so excitedly she knocked coffee into the face of comedian, Seth Levine. Harvey Weinstein’s lawyer cursed and said, “Goddamn, there’s two of them.”

Leland St. James and Tiffany the assistant continued their torrid love affair, having threesomes with a local waiter named Daniel. Officer Yffud went looking for a new job. The lawyer from Raines Corporation went off for his meeting with Senator Vega. He didn’t return, but it was okay. Everyone hates lawyers. No one cares about lawyers.

All was good in the world that night.

@katurrade

#red carpet diaries #rcd #viktor montmartre #matt rodriguez #Matt rodriguez x my #matt rodriguez x mc #matt rodriguez x reader #teja desai #teja desai x mc #teja x mc #thomas hunt #thomas hunt x mc #thomas hunt x reader #seth levine #seth levine x reader #seth levine x mc #victoria fontaine #Victoria Fontaine x mc

182 notes · View notes