#Tf2 freakshow x reader one shot

[xxiamtiebrousxx]

Genuine question and I'm not forcing you to write anything!

Would you ever do a Reader x for painis or cakehole piss?

A/n: I will do it for Cakehole Piss. I know a little more about him.

Never Tiresome (Cakehole Piss x Reader) One Shot

I was home after a stressful day thanks to work. All I wanted to do was get a soda from the fridge and prop my feet up. I felt something was missing from that list. Maybe I forgot to get food? No, I had plenty in the fridge. Whatever it was, it would come back to me later.  I unlocked the door and stepped through some streamers. I was going to let this be and pick it up later. My feet crunched under the decorations. I shuffled my feet all the way into the kitchen. The surprise inside scared me. 

“HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KITCHEN!” I yelled, entering the messy room. My feet squelched under the mush. The entire kitchen was covered in yellow goo that dripped down from the walls and ceiling. Someone had left a cake in the oven too long and the batter burst. I’ve only seen that in the movies. It would take time to clean this all up. The oven was busted. I’d have to get a new one sometime this week. Cakehole Piss popped his head in. He was a good friend of mine, even though he killed people and came home smelling like blood. He usually cleaned up before entering the house since the smell irritated me. I let him stay at my place while he hid from his counterpart for a while, but he was welcome to come over any time. 

“Oh, that’s my fault,” he said. “Oi left it in there too long.” I didn’t want to be angry with him. He. . . wasn’t exactly the brightest. Some people asked if it was tiresome being around him all the time. I said no. Sure he had tried to carve his creator in the past, but that didn’t really bother me. I also didn’t ask what that was about.

“What were you trying to make?” I calmly asked, grabbing disinfectant wipes. I got down on my knees and started cleaning up the mess. Cakehole rocked back and forth on his toes. That usually meant he was up to something. It could’ve been something good or something bad. Most of the time I was right about it being something bad. Last time he rocked back and forth on his toes, I ended up getting chased by Piss Cakehole.

“Uh. Oi was trying to make something,” he hesitantly answered. I raised an eyebrow. Cakehole’s face turned bright red and he looked away.

“Okay,” I said. “I believe you.” Of course I didn’t really believe him. But I was going to let him think I did. I was going to get to the bottom of this mystery. He left the room and I finished cleaning it up. I heard the T.V turn on followed by some boxes crashing. “Hey! What happened?” I called out, rushing out the door. A few boxes had indeed fallen out of the hallway closet. It was Cakehole. Again. He was rushing to hide some boxes and stuff the other ones back in. I eyed the colorful box behind Cakehole. “What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the box. He put on a shy smile.

“Nothing,” he answered. “Well, nothing important.” I bit my lip and crossed my arms. Cakehole looked nervously at me. “Y/n, do you think Oi’m tiresome?” he asked suddenly. My heart stopped. Not once, in the time we’ve known each other, did he ever ask me that. What sparked it? Was it that I gave off an annoyed, angry vibe? Of course it was that I gave off that vibe. “It’s foine if you wanna kick me out, Oi don’t mind.”

“Cakehole, what’s wrong?” I asked gently. He sighed and pulled the box from behind him. 

“Oi was hoping to save this for later,” he said. It was a (favorite color) wrapped box with rainbow polka dots. There was a tag that read “Happy Birthday,” written in messy handwriting. My heart dropped as I sighed. It made sense now. The streamers and decorations at the front, the cake batter, the presents he was trying to hide. It was my birthday and he was trying to celebrate. But I was cranky and annoyed to notice. This is what I had forgotten. I put on a smile. 

“Cakehole, you will never, ever be tiresome,” I said. “Yeah, there will be days when I seem annoyed. It’s not because of you. Life can be a jerk sometimes. And if you do happen to make me mad,  I would never kick you out.” 

“So, you’re not gonna kick me out?” Cakehole asked. 

“I’d never,” I said, opening my arms wide for a hug. He smiled and hugged me. “So, want some cake? We can’t have a celebration without one?”

*>/<*

I sat at the table as Cakehole brought out a newly baked cake. We improvised by using a blow torch to bake the cake. It worked. I offered to help, but Cakehole wanted to add frosting to the cake by himself. He even added round sprinkles. 

“Happy birthday,” he said with a smile. Just as he was about to put the cake down on the table, it slid off the tray and onto the floor. It fell with a splat. “Oops.” I chuckled softly.

“It’s fine,” I said. “Can’t make a cake without breaking a few eggs.” We ended up ordering a cake from the local bakery. We ate it all and cuddled on the couch with our full stomachs. It was a good birthday.

[xxiamtiebrousxx]

Six Feet Apart (Blightcaller x Reader)

It was supposed to be a simple checkup at the doctor’s and not this mess I was now stuck in. I didn’t want to approach the man in the plague doctor mask. Yes, he was a man in a plague doctor mask. There was no other way to describe him. He was dressed exactly like a plague doctor. I was cornered. There was no escape to the exit. Everyone around me was dead, their skins a dead shade of green. Anyone who touched this doctor would die. He just came into the hospital and started touching people. Sweet release of death, eh. I think that’s what he was going for. Biohazards on his person gave away his ability. While I was standing here, thinking about this man, he started approaching me.

“Woah!” I exclaimed. I raised my hands in defense. “Back it up buddy.” He tilted his head to the side. Did he not understand? “Back. It. Up. Bud-dy,” I slowly said again. I held my hands out in front of me. Six feet apart should keep me safe. I started to back up. I could run for the door, but I’d risk getting touched. The man blocked the entrance. Upstairs was my only choice. I could take the emergency helicopter if it was still there. There had to be something on the floor so I could defend myself.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked. I stopped in my tracks. He can talk? His voice was muffled behind that mask of his.

“What’s your name?” I asked. My eyes still scanned the ground. All I saw were bodies.

“As if I would tell you,” he replied. “But I guess I shall tell you if you’ll be going soon.” He reached out for me.  I started running. My legs picked up the pace. He was going to kill me! I slammed against the walls running up the stairs. I could’ve taken the elevators now that I thought about it. They still worked. I heard the man’s footsteps following behind me. He was hot on my heels.

“Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez,” I repeated. My shoes squeaked as I ran up the stairs. I was running out of breath and energy. My hand glided over the banister. My sleeve got caught by something and I fell back. I fell to the bottom of the stairs, passing by the doctor as I fell. He reached out for me but I kicked him back. “Dang it!” I yelled as I scraped my knee up against the first step. My body slammed against the floor, knocking all air out of me. The plague doctor’s feet were at my head. I felt sick in the stomach as he towered over me. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt his gloved hand gently hover over my face. His hand placed itself on my face. The rubber gloves were warm against my face. My legs squirmed around. They slowly calmed down. It was just the darkness now. I waited and waited for death to come and take me away. But it never did. The doctor removed his hand. I could hear the shock in his heavy breathing.

“It should’ve worked,” he mumbled. I opened my eyes. The doctor lifted me up to my feet. I wasn’t dead or pale green like the victims. I was still alive. “What are you?” he asked.

“Um, nothing you’re suspecting?” I hesitantly replied. The doctor turned around. He started mumbling to himself, making sudden aloud comments. 

“Why were you here?” he asked. “Unless you aren’t healthy, it seems to me that you have a clean bill of health” I blushed a bit. Was that a compliment?

“Well, there was an outbreak a couple of weeks ago in my apartment, an extremely deadly virus. People were getting sick. Some were dropping dead like flies. But not me,” I answered. “I don’t know if it was my immune system being really good, but I never got sick. The doctors passed it off as something simple. Obviously they were holding something back from me. All my life I’ve been immune to illnesses.” I began to follow the doctor around as I explained my story. He listened intently, nodding his head or making small comments. I kept some space between us, about twelve feet apart. I narrowed it down to four as I talked. I felt calm around this man. Sure, he did kill a couple of people just a few moments ago, but there was something about him that… changed? We came around the food court, taking a seat. “So the doctors had me come in so they could see what was going on in my body. That’s when you came in,” I said. I finished telling my story.

“That was very interesting,” the doctor said. “From what I’ve heard, you’re the opposite of me. Maybe we can talk more about this over dinner?” he asked. I chuckled and nervously drummed my fingers on the table.

“Eh, I don’t know,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “I mean-.” The doctor pressed his finger against my lips.

“Please?” he asked innocently. I thought about it. It seemed to me everyone he touched died. I guess this guy was really lonely and just wanted someone he could talk to. He craved human interaction. I sat up straight.

“Sure, we can have dinner tonight,” I answered. I don’t know if he was smiling or not, but I could sense he probably was. He stood up and shook my hand.

“Danke,” he said. “I really appreciate it.” He looked down at our hands and pulled away.

“You know I can handle your diseased touch,” I said. “You did place your finger upon my lips earlier and you don’t see me dying right now.”

“Right, I forgot,” he replied. We headed out for the door before the authorities came. There was a stench coming from the corpses. And a green glowing ring around them. We were at the door.

“Hey, you got a name or something I can call you?” I asked. He shook his head. “Hmm, how does “blightcaller” sound to you?” I asked, thinking back to an old game I used to play.

“Oh, sure,” he replied. “I’d like that.” I smiled.

“Alright Blightcaller, I’ll see you later tonight,” I answered. My hand was reaching for the handle when Blightcaller hugged me from behind. The tip of his mask poked my back gently. I knew he wasn’t going to let go. I had to drag him all the way home the way a mom dragged her screaming kid from the store. He was quiet all the way. He didn’t make one sound. It was really nice when he offered to cook dinner for me since I was exhausted when we got home. I let him stay for a while after dinner. After that, I let him visit and stay for as long as he wanted. We ended up staying together less than six feet apart.

[xxiamtiebrousxx]

That Smile (Polite Spy x Reader) One Shot

A/n: Some Brother! CBS x Sibling! Reader.  I was also debating if Y/n should have an accent. So some sentences have an accent and others don't.

You know how if you have an older brother, he is bound to have his best friend around all the time?

Well, that was me. 

My brother always dragged his friends around on missions or small sprees we liked to go on. For years now, I fought monsters and other creatures alongside my brother. He qualified as “one of the freaks” as the townsfolk of Teufort labeled us. Because he was my brother, I also qualified. He was known as Christian Brutal Sniper, or CBS for short. I had many skills which made me the  Midnight Slasher of Teufort. 

“Christian, why do we gotta walk so far?” I whined. I dragged my feet as far as I could. My brother and I planned to walk half the Badlands to get to our destination. We were having a small camping trip for relaxation. In other words, Christian actually got tired of terrorizing people. I did too. 

“Come on Y/n, cheer up. We’re almost there.” I groaned, hanging my head down in defeat.

You know how I said,if you have a brother, he is bound to have his best friend around all the time?

Well, Polite Spy was that friend. He was usually around all the time, following me like a lost puppy. He was never annoying. We had good conversations about stuff, even when I was doing something that included screaming and blood. For our trip, it was originally going to be Gentlespy but he was already busy doing other stuff. He said he would try to come. I was a little mad he didn’t come because it meant I had to suffer Spy’s politeness. It drove me nuts! Although, whenever he smiled, he looked kinda cute. I liked that. 

“Just a couple of more minutes and we’ll be there,” Christian replied. I stretched out my back. I was cramping up hard. My back ached and so did my limbs. The sun was beating down upon me. Today was terrible. I rubbed some sweat off my forehead. 

“You know, you could always borrow my hat, cherie,” Spy said. He took off his Summer Hat.

“Uh no thanks, Polite,” I said. “Oi can withstand this heat.” 

“Of course,” he replied, “but if you need anything, I’m here.” He smiled his signature smile. Oh goodness, that smile. He just seemed so innocent! I had to smile back. He turned bright red, looking away, still smiling. My brother just rolled his eyes. 

*>/<*

All three of us finally arrived at the Badlands king of the hill map. We were to camp near the control point. Under the bridge to be exact. Spy and I were tasked to set up camp while Christian went out to find our food. That meant it was just us two. We finished setting up the tent in record time.

“So,” I said, rolling out the sleeping bags, “why did you come along? I mean, Oi know you’re good friends with Christian, but why come along? If Gentle came along, would you still come?” Spy smiled and sat on his bag. I sat down next to him.

“I like you and your brother’s company. You’re a very nice person,” he said. I chuckled, blushing a bit. “If Gentlespy came along, I wouldn’t mind because you’d be here in that scenario. Your presence would help me get through his nonsense.” I started chuckling nervously and rubbed the back of my neck.

“You’re just saying that,” I said. “In reality, Oi’m a terrible person. I terrorize people just like CBS. I’m not perfect.”

“But you are in my opinion,” he replied, blushing. He took my hands. My face heated up. “Uh, look Y/n,” he said, “um, I’ve-.”

“Hey, lovebirds,” Christian interrupted. He was holding a dead, fried turkey, “dinner’s here. Go wash up.” I stood up.

“Where’d you get the bird?” I asked, walking past my brother. 

“Don’t ask,” he replied, handing me the turkey. “Go wash up now. Spoi, a word?” I washed up, sliced up the turkey and placed it on our plates. I ended up hiding near the tent so I could eavesdrop on my brother. I pressed my ear up against the tent, trying to keep quiet. “So you know the rules, roight?” I chuckled. Of course Spy knew the rules. My big brother acted overprotective whenever someone would try and date me. It didn’t work out with other people, but Spy just might win.

“Yes, don’t break Y/n’s heart or else you’ll break my ribs, don’t cheat on Y/n or you’ll snap me in two,” Spy replied. “Do I need to go on?”

“Oi think you got the gist,” Christian said. I rushed back to the small table we set up and sat down. The two men got out of the tent. 

“So, what’d you two talk about?” I asked. 

“Nothing,” Christian replied. He took his seat across from me. Polite Spy sat next to me, smiling. I turned red, smiling back. We ate turkey dinner, which was cold by now. I wondered how Christian cooked the food. There was no campfire going on.

It was a mystery I’d have to find out about later.

*>/<*

So the problem was that it started to rain. The two boys shared one tent while I stayed in another. There was a small hole above my head and cold air entered the tent. I pinched the bridge of my nose, deciding to get up. But before I could, Spy unzipped the tent’s entrance. I lifted my head up from the pillow. He carried a big blanket with him. 

“Room for one more?” he asked. 

“Sure, c’mon in,” I replied. I let my head plop down. Spy curled up next to me, placing the blanket over the both of us. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “So wot brings you to my part of town?” I asked. Spy snuggled closer.

“I thought you needed the company,” he replied, “so I came over. I hope you don’t mind.” I chuckled.

“I don’t mind,” I said. “Look buddy, I’ve been meaning to tell you this. You’re the best guy my brother could ever have as a friend. Oi’m glad you’re my friend as well. Don’t lose that politeness.” He smiled. He removed his hat and placed it on my head. 

“Goodnight Y/n,” he said. I kissed his cheek.

“Goodnight,” I replied. “Don’t lose that smile.”

[xxiamtiebrousxx]

All Because of My Dog (Piss Cakehole x Reader) One Shot

It was all because of my dog.

I guess this story started with a crazy man with an obsession about cutting parts out of people and my dog. 

(Dog’s name) was known for meeting strangers and becoming friends with them. He knew I had an obsession with the "freaks" that roamed around here. I was a resident here in Teufort. I had encounters with several of the said freaks and was lucky to survive some of them. I didn't like to think of them as freaks. They were just people with issues. 

The night I met Piss Cakehole was like every other night. My dog was out playing in the yard while I was microwaving leftovers for dinner. D/n and I lived near the woods. It was a nice, quiet place. 

Until D/n started howling.

I dropped everything I was doing. Was he in trouble? The howl sounded like he was in pain. I grabbed a bat and rushed outside. 

My dog was not dying. My dog howled like he was in pain but he was howling because he was happy.

 And instead of being calm and happy he was okay, I was a little mad about that. 

Instead of being attacked by a wild bear or bleeding out, my dog was playing fetch with Cakehole. I recognized him. He was drenched in blood and guts. He could kill me if he wanted to.

“D/n get over here!” I said. My dog looked up to the murderer and ran to me. I knelt down and began to pet him. He whined and licked my face. “We gotta get out of here, buddy,” I said. D/n barked as if he was saying no and ran back to Cakehole, who knelt down and began to pet my dog. My dog wagged his tail and barked. He turned around and  beckoned for me to come closer. I gulped. There was no way I was getting close to a murderer. I started to back up slowly.

But then he noticed me.

“Hi,” he said. Oi’m Piss Cakehole, Oi’m gonna carve you.”

I was scared and didn’t know what to do. I stood there as he lunged at me. So I did the reasonable thing.

I dodged his attack and ran. 

Of course, Cakehole chased after me, with D/n following behind. I jumped the fence and ran for the woods. D/n barked several times, actually launching himself at Cakehole. 

But he missed and I got tackled down by a sliding Cakehole. 

I grunted, crashing onto the forest floor. He was smiling like a maniac. Cakehole pulled out his weapon. I grabbed his arm to prevent him from taking a slice out of me.

“Can’t we talk about this?” I asked, struggling to keep the weapon away from my body. 

“Nah, Oi wanna see my next work of art,” he replied. He was getting more aggressive, stronger even. I was losing this war. I gagged at the smell of blood. He reeked of it. Cakehole chuckled. I was about to give up, I couldn’t keep him at bay anymore.

 I let go. 

I just couldn’t hold up against Cakehole.

He chuckled once more and raised his weapon high over his head. He brought down upon me and I braced myself. 

“BARK.”

There was some silence. 

“BARK BARK BARK.”

“Aw, c’mon.”

“Bark!”

The pain never came. I wasn’t cut up and violently murdered. Instead, I was given a big, drool filled lick. I was lifted up and put back on my feet. D/n was there, wagging his tail. He barked happily. “What happened?” I asked.

“Wot happened is that this bloke here won’t let me carve you out,” Cakehole replied. He looked at my dog. “Can’t Oi carve out just a little bit?” he begged. D/n barked again, shaking his head. “Tsk, you suck the fun and joy out of everything, you know.” I chuckled, crossing my arms.

“Good boy,” I said to D/n. “Remind me to feed you dessert tonight.” Cakehole looked over to me.

“How do you know him,” he said. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“The little bloke talks about you all the time. How do you know him?”

“Oh, D/n’s my pet,” I replied. “How does he know you?”

“Oi found him wandering around my base,” Cakehole replied. “Oi tried to make him a killing machine but he refused my training.”

“Sounds like D/n,” I said. He whined at the sound of his name, stretching out his paws. “Yeah, yeah, we can go home.” I scooped up my dog with my arms. He was big, but I could carry him. 

“Oh, Oi can carry him for ya,” Cakehole said. 

“Nah, I’m fine,” I said. 

“No, Oi insist,” he replied, taking D/n. Wow, he changed fast. We walked back home, all three of us. On the way, Cakehole apologized for his behavior.

 But I knew deep down he would’ve enjoyed carving me out if D/n hadn’t stopped him. That dog deserved extra treats for befriending him or else I’d be dead. “Hey, Oi never got your name,” he said.

“Hm? Oh, it’s Y/n,” I said. He smiled.

“It’s a noice name.”

 We had a nice long conversation that included lots and lots of gore. 

The yard fence eventually came into view. It was late now. The cool breeze of the evening picked up. 

“Well, here we are,” I said, stopping at the fence. I opened the gate. “I can take D/n now,” I said. Cakehole handed over my dog, who was fast asleep. “Uh, I’ll see you around I guess.”

“How does tomorrow night sound?” he blurted out. 

“What?”

“Um, how does tomorrow night sound? You know, to see each other again?” he asked nervously. “Is that okay with you?”

“Oh, sure,” I replied. 

And that’s how I ended up here, eating in the woods with Piss Cakehole. It was an enjoyable night that ended with a goodbye kiss.

And it was all because of my dog.

[xxiamtiebrousxx]

Distance (Sewer Medic x Reader) One Shot

I slid down the side of the road and landed on the riverbank. I carried a small picnic basket with me. The food was warm from when I took it out, except for the fruit. That was cool from the fridge. For weeks now I had been visiting a certain someone living in the sewers of Teufort. 

I remember when my friends and I found him.

We were returning from a (not so) small party. Some of my friends were drunk. Correction, all my friends were drunk. I didn’t take anything to drink and had to make sure they walked in a straight line. We came across the ditch that fed into Teufort’s sewer system. 

“Hey, I heard a monster lived down there,” one “friend” said. “They call him Sewer Medic and he supposedly has a big head, which makes him super freaky.”

“Let’s go check it out!”

“I heard he’s cruel to invaders.”

“OOH.”

Against my wishes, we entered the sewer. It smelled and it was humid. My friends then began to mess around, splashing in the nasty water and hollering. They were so loud I didn’t hear the warning. 

“Keep it down, guys!” I begged. “I don’t want to get in trouble.” They didn’t listen. They continued to create a ruckus until he came. The man attacked with what seemed like a sonic scream. I remembered the feeling. My skull felt like it was going to shatter. We ran for the exit, but I was pushed and tripped. I landed on the ground, hitting my head hard. 

The next morning, I woke up with a pain in my head. “Where am I?” I asked.

“Shh, jou need to rest,” someone said. I couldn’t see who was putting a wet towel on my head, soothing the pain, but I could tell it was the sewer medic. It smelled like sewer. And it was in his name. He was once a doctor. 

Right?

For a day straight, I stayed with the medic in his lair deep in the tunnel. I wasn’t injured severely, but he insisted that I stayed until I fully recovered. 

“Why did you keep me alive?” I asked, looking up at the dripping ceiling. 

“Hmm?” he asked, turning to face me. The sewer medic was in the water, which I thought was a little gross.  His head was a little larger than his body. Okay, it was a whole lot larger than his body. 

“Why did you keep me alive?” I asked again. “Rumors say you kill whoever intrudes on your territory. I was an intruder, yet I’m still alive.”

“I kept jou alive because jou weren’t like the others,” he said. “Jou actually wanted to leave me alone. I respect that.”

So another day passed and my injury was healed. I returned home and left Medic alone for a couple of days. I was afraid to return because what if my friends came along? Once, I tried to return but a friend followed and ended up in the hospital. It took me a while to regain Medic’s trust. He didn’t like trespassers. I couldn’t tell if he liked me or not. Now, to prove it, I was reentering the sewer. I stood in the murky entrance, holding the basket. 

“Hey, are you there?” I called out. My voice echoed through the tunnel. It was dark and quiet. “I brought food as a thank you.” There was no answer. So I turned around.

“Is it just jou? No one else?” I turned back around. Medic was partially submerged in water. I looked around to make sure it was just us and only us.

“It’s just me,” I replied. “No one else.” He rose from the water, sitting at the entrance. He dried himself off with a dirty napkin. The sewer medic patted the ground next to him, beckoning for me to sit next to him. I did. I opened the basket, pulling out the food. “I hope you like biscuits and fruit cups,” I said, handing him a plate. He hesitantly took the plate. I served him biscuits, fruit, and chicken.

“D-danke,” he said.

*>/<*

After a couple of weeks, visiting Sewer Medic became a habit. My friends found out but I also managed to get them to stay away. He didn’t approve of me bringing people over. I always brought over food, but this time was different. Medic requested that I come over dressed in my Sunday best. I slid down the grass and down to the ditch. He was there waiting, dressed in something a little nicer. “Jou look nice,” he said. 

“Thank you,” I said. “You look nice as well.” Medic smiled and blushed a little. 

“Here, I have something for you,” he said. He held up a small dove that was in his hands. 

“Aw,” I said, taking the small thing. “He’s so cute.” 

“His name is Archimedes,” Medic said. The dove cooed, resting in my hands. I looked up to Medic and kissed his cheek very briefly. “Wh-what was that for?” he asked, blushing. He rubbed the spot where I kissed him.

“You’re nice and caring, nothing like what the other said you were like,” I replied.

“Heh, I’m glad jou didn’t keep jour distance,” he said. “Jou’ve changed my life. Before I met jou, I was treated like an outcast, a monster. But jou’ve shown me I am nothing like that.” I smiled, kissing his cheek again. Archimedes flew out of my hand and landed on the tree.

“I’m glad I met you,” I said.