#Thank you Mr SquarePants you did me a solid

[teaboot]

Cannot overstate how much that spongebob scene that went

Somsone: "spongebob you look like a girl"

Spongebob: "am I a pretty girl?"

Like was such a legit game changer for me as a kid

I remember that family and grownups and other kids at school would tell me in a sort of mean-spirited way "you look/sound/act/dress/talk like a boy" and I'd just be like

"Am I a pretty boy?"

There were other unexpected things that came from that long-term I think but that'sprobably where it started being fun

[hydroponicjj]

kiss the cook

summary: baking with jj maybank, a recipe for disaster.

pairing: jj maybank x reader

warnings: swearing, possible typos?

a/n: all i wanna say is that the muffins they make are really good and i highly suggest that you all try them :) hope ya enjoy !!! <3

                      「 ₊˚.༄ 」

“Just let me in!” JJ yelled from the other side of your screen door, “Everyone else is busy. I promise I’ll sit still if you let me in.” He pleaded, letting out a heavy groan.

“You promise that you won’t get in the way.”

“You won’t even see me, silent as a mouse.” He continued.

He would not quit pestering you until you unlocked the screen door and let him inside of your house, “Fine.” You caved, moving out of the way to let him in.

“Why do you look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy?” The blond laughed, taking in your attire.

“Do you want me to kick you out?” You threatened, scowling at him.

He shook his head, smirking, knowing that he had you riled up. You left him standing in the doorway, going back into your kitchen.

He followed close behind you like a lost puppy in desire of attention, “So, why are you channeling your inner Gordon Ramsey right now?”

“Kook Academy is having an over the summer bake sale and they’re paying the people that take part.”

“So you signed up to help the Kooks, are you feeling okay?” He raised his hand towards your forehead.

“My mom needs the money,” You explained, watching as he took a seat on the counter that was far away from the ingredients that you had sprawled out.

“So, what are you baking, Betty Crocker?”

Smirking, you retorted, “Banana-Chocolate Muffins.”

“Ew,” His face contorted.

“Maybe you’d find them appealing if you ate something other than shrimp and grits.” You chuckled, returning the same energy that he gave you earlier.

“Haha, you’re funny, Y/N/N. I’ll give you that.” He swayed his finger in your direction.

“Can you pass me the spatula in that drawer over there?” You asked, pointing.

He plopped down from the counter and retrieved the spatula, but he didn’t hand it to you before saying something cynical, “Wait, wait. You’re not the Pillsbury Dough Boy,” He paused, “You’re SpongeBob SquarePants.”

You couldn’t deny that his pithy remarks were funny but, you didn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

“I thought you said that you would be silent like a mouse?” Squinting, you took the spatula from his right hand, watching as he searched for a way to respond to you.

“I can be the Chef Boyardee to your Betty Crocker?”

Instinctively, you grinned at his joke, knowing that he took pride, knowing that you found him entertaining.

“Okay, fine.” You complied, walking passed him to grab that cake mix, “But I’m the head chef.”

“Eye-Eye Captain,”

“You think you’re so cute.” You playfully rolled your eyes.

“I know I’m so cute.” JJ corrected.

“Can you grease those pans next to you while I do the ones right here?” You asked, overlooking his previous remark.

To be honest, he didn’t totally know what that meant and he didn’t want to ask you. So, he did not do it, reminding himself to do it later.

After you greased your pans, you thought out loud, “All right so now we have to mix the cake mix, eggs, sugar, and bananas.”

“Should we do it by hand or use the mixer?”

“Uh,” JJ contemplated what to say next, “Mixer.”

“Mixer it is.” You went in the cabinet above the microwave, retrieving the machine.

JJ’s eyes widened, staring at the contraption. For someone that has never baked before, it looked odd.

You laughed, ��Come here, it will not bite you.” He was hesitant to grab it but, eventually, he did.

“So, put this at the bottom of the bowl and move it around till everything is one solid color.” You explained.

“Mm.” He replied, not hearing what you told him, looking at the machine, trying to figure out how to maneuver it.

“Here,” You smirked, turning the mixer on and grabbing his hand, showing him how to mix properly.

He looked over his shoulder, observing how you focused. Smiling warmly, he looked away before you noticed that he was staring.

You took your hand away, “You’ve got it.”

“Chef Boyardee has everything under control.” He replied smoothly, turning around for a split second to look at you.

You raised your eyebrows, smiling at him while backing away, resting on the counter.

JJ continued to mix everything while you texted Kiara on your phone. Every couple of seconds you’d take your eyes away from the device, making sure that everything was going smoothly.

It was hard to not look at the way JJ’s shoulder blades would flex as he moved his arm back and forth, moving the mixer inside of the bowl.

Kie: It’s so boring at the chateau

Y/N: JJ told me you guys were busy?

Kie: Definitely not. We’ve just been sitting around watching tv

Y/N: He begged his way into my house and now he’s helping me bake muffins

Kie: JJ baking?? never thought I’d see the day

Kie: Make sure you ask him why he thought we were busy and tell me what he says

“This color looks like my shit,” JJ observed, tearing you from your conversation with Kiara.

“Now I’ll never be able to get that image from my mind.” You rolled your eyes, placing your phone in the pocket of your shorts.

“What’s next, Betty?”

“We pour the mix into the pans and then put it into the oven.” You explained, double-checking to make sure that the oven was on.

“Really? I thought we’d have more to do.” He pouted, poking out his bottom lip.

“Sorry, Mr Boyardee but, the reason I wanted to make these muffins is that they don’t take 30 years to make.” 

He rubbed his hands together, “Well, I’m excited to taste one.”

“Nuh-uh lover boy. These are for the bake sale.”

“Wh-what?” He stuttered, flipping his hat around on his head, “Just one?”

“Fine, we can split one.” You watched as his face lit up, “Now it’s your turn to put the mix into your pans.” 

He snickered, earning a look of confusion from you, “What?”

“Put my mix into your pans,” He cackled, raising his eyebrows, you shook your head.

“I have a dirty, dirty mind,” He explained, tapping his temple.

JJ’s mind was racing 3000 miles per hour so, he didn’t notice that he failed to grease the pans for the muffins, “I hope these taste good,” He commented while placing the pan into the oven, next to yours.

                      「 ₊˚.༄ 」

“While we wait,” you began, taking a seat on your recliner, “Why did you lie about the rest of the Pogues being busy?”

“I didn’t lie, just changed a few key details of the story.” He shrugged, taking a seat on the floor in front of you.

You scoffed, “C’mon, you lied.”

“Fine, fine. I embellished the story, so what? I wanted to hang out with you. Are you going to charge me, officer?”

He spotted a pen that was sitting on the coffee table. He picked it up. You kicked your foot in his direction to get his attention.

“And I got to see you in that hot ass apron.” He smirked, putting the pen back where he found it.

“Can you tell me why you embellished, please.” You urged.

“Ah, ah, ah. No way, I remain a mystery.”

“I don’t get you, JJ Maybank.” You chuckled.

“Correction, JJ Boyardee.” He poked the ankle that was closest to him.

“I’m surprised that you messed nothing up, today. I’m proud of you, Boyardee.”

“Thanks, Crocker.” He smiled up at you, putting your calf in a headlock as he liked things on Instagram.

Y/N: He said he wanted to hang out with me, that’s why he “embellished the story”

Kie: Idiot

Kie: Makes sense though, he was bitching to me cause John B wouldn’t let him borrow the Volkswagen to go to your place

Y/N: He confuses me sometimes

Y/N: Like he hits on every single girl with a pulse and then I hear shit like this and I’m like.... what the fuck do I do???

Y/N: And not to mention the whole Pogue on Pogue shit has me even more conflicted

Kie: Listen, I was the biggest advocate for no macking on each other but that was only because I was the only girl and now that you and Sarah are here, makes more sense for us to drop it you know?

Y/N: What are you telling me, Kiara Carrera?

Kie: I’m telling you to go for it. Even though he can be an idiot, he’s probably just as conflicted as you are right now.

Y/N: Who knew a day of baking would lead to this

Kie: “Look at us.”

Kie: “Who would’ve thought?”

Y/N: “Not me.”

“The timer is about to go off,” JJ noticed, “Should we take them out?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You shook the thoughts out of your head and tried to focus on anything other than the boy in front of you.

JJ was the first to get up and head towards the kitchen, you needed a couple more seconds before following behind, “Shit, shit, shit!” He screamed, you shot up instantly and saw JJ trying to reach into the oven, minus the mitt.

“JJ!” You rushed over, “Are you okay?” You took his hand and ran it under some icy water for two seconds.

“I got distracted thinking about stupid shit.” He took off the red snapback on the top of his head, slamming it on the counter.

“I-It’s fine, JJ. It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up.” You let go of his wrist, taking the muffins out and placing it on the stove so they could cool.

“Here, come sit down.” You led him toward your recliner, forcing him to sit down while you went into the shared bathroom with your mother and grabbed the first aid kit.

“Y/N, I’m fine. I don’t need all of this.” He tried to stand up, but you pushed him back down.

“Do you want it to get infected?” You paused, waiting for him to interject, but he said nothing.

“Why do you insist on taking care of me?” He questioned, looking at you while you tended to the hand that he injured.

“Kie is the mom of the group, not me.” You chuckled, shaking your head as you continued working.

“No, no.” He pushed your hand away, “You take care of me differently. You like, make sure I’m eating enough and shit.”

“That’s just what you do for the people you like.” You shrugged.

“Y-You like me?” He raised his eyebrows in disbelief, a grin was slowly appearing on face but he stopped, wanting to make sure you meant what you said.

Contemplating what to say next, you scratched your head, “I-I mean, like yeah.” You shrugged, trying to play it off as if it wasn’t such an enormous deal.

“Can you stop for a second!” He raised his voice, startling you, “I’m sorry.”

“Do you like me, Y/N?”

“Of course!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He questioned, standing up, leaving you sitting on the arm of the chair.

“How could I? I mean, you’re always with some tourist.” You scoffed.

“Cause I thought you didn’t like me. You shoot me down all the time.” He paced back and forth in your living room.

“I want to take you on a date. Like an actual date to see a movie or some shit, I dunno.” He was spiraling out of his mind, saying things at 100 miles per hour.

“JJ, calm down, please.” You attempted to get his attention, but he kept rambling.

“Yeah, and put like extra popcorn on top, yeah.” He nodded his head.

You made an impulsive decision; you kissed him. It took him two seconds to realize what was happening, but once he regained consciousness, he kissed back.

“I didn’t know I was wearing a kiss the cool apron?” He joked, beginning to look around frantically.

“Stop,” You chuckled, hitting the side of his arm, “Can you think straight now?”

“I dunno, I mean, are you going to kiss me like that again?” He crooked his head to the side, giving you a smirk.

Shaking your head, you walked by him and headed in the kitchen, “I think we can take them out now.” You poked and prodded at the muffins inside of the silver pans.

You took one of the bigger muffins out perfectly, “This came out nicely, try that pan.”

JJ walked over and tried to pry them up but they wouldn’t budge, like it cemented them down. Then it all hit him, “I-I forgot to grease the pan.”

It stunned you. You couldn’t get a full 24 hours without something going wrong.

“Are you serious?” You whined.

“I’ll make you more,” He paused, “If you kiss me again.”

“Never going to happen.”

[theonceoverthinker]

SpongeBob SquarePants - The Musical: A Small Memorial

Last night, as often happens, a Broadway show closed. While I wasn’t able to see it’s final performance (Though I was filled in for the details thanks to the incredible @crazy-noonoohead​), I did get to see it once, and it absolutely charmed the entire way through. I’m honestly going to miss it.

That show was SpongeBob SquarePants: The Musical.

I know. The jokes have all been said and done. It’s a Nickelodeon show that got a stage adaptation and it doesn’t offer even the pretense of pretending its not for kids. It’s essentially most of what makes up animated movie trailers today. But beyond the jokes, SpongeBob is one of the most aesthetically pleasing, unique, and fun shows out there and I want to give it the respect and honor it deserves here, because believe it or not, it has quite a few elements worthy of said respect and honor.

Now for reference before we begin, I have seen SpongeBob on Broadway live one time, I’ve listened to the cast recording well over twenty times at this point, and I have engaged in my fair share of bootlegs via YouTube.

SET DESIGN

To start, let’s talk about SpongeBob’s greatest accomplishment: Its set design. The set design is effectively delivered on in three ways, and let’s just say that the Tony it got for Set Design could not have been more deserved. 

First, on either side of the stage of the show were two intricate mechanisms. If you’ve ever played the board game Mouse Trap, then just think about that in orange and you’ve got an idea of what they were like. One of the mechanisms went off during each act, and what it did was provide more than just a regular set piece: It provided a mystery and an adventure. Not only was it so much fun seeing the mechanisms go off, but the anticipation for them had me so excited. They were unique and gave off this feeling of both peril and comedy. 

Second, the set design of the climax of the show (Spoiler alert if you wanted to either read about this somewhere else or hit up a bootleg). Ethan Slater (SpongeBob’s actor) is such a badass. In the climax of the show, he is put in a harness and while singing a powerful song (A character-defining reprise, at that!), needs to basically climb up, through, and around this big and intricate orange spider web. It’s some of the coolest staging I’ve ever seen and while I never saw Spiderman, I also never heard of a single instance of danger with this action so I feel comfortable saying that this is Spiderman done right!

Finally, I want to talk about something pretty simple: The houses. I’m going to lump these things together because the how of what they do here is pretty similar, but incredibly impressive. The houses and establishments like The Krusty Krab here are the only thing done via CGI and the pragmatic effects help to enhance it by never allowing the audience to feel confused about where they are or overcrowded by the larger than life characters. 

If you want to continue and read my thoughts on the costume design, music, story, and cultural impact (However personal), please join me below the cut.

COSTUME DESIGN

There are a LOT of characters to talk about in this adaptation and I think they were all designed fabulously. However, for the purposes of keeping this a little brief, let’s talk about the most impressive one to me: Plankton.

Assuming you’ve watched SpongeBob on TV, you know that Plankton is a really small character, and that presents a problem when adapting the TV show to Broadway. How do you adapt Plankton? His size (Or lack thereof) is such an important quality to his character and to not acknowledge that would dilute who he is. While one could simply make him a puppet, none of the other characters are puppets and to make him one would take away all of his menace, something that he would need, even as a primarily comedy-focused antagonist. Additionally, it would severely limit the capabilities of Plankton to perform in musical numbers, especially in his rap number. But the creators did something really smart. In the opening number of the show, while all of the main characters were scaled against their oceanic counterparts, Plankton had a physical puppet counterpart shown in addition to his human actor, a puppet that was abandoned shortly after his introductory scene. That did the job of showing Plankton’s size in a way that the audience would burn into their memory while also allowing the actor to use his entire range of motion. It’s honestly such a smart move.

MUSIC

SpongeBob on Broadway is a collaborative musical. Most every song is original to the show AND was made a different artist. This list includes The Plain White Tees, Panic! at the Disco, David Bowie, John Legend, They Might Be Giants, and Sara Bareilles (But boy is it longer than just that). And here’s what impresses me so much: It’s so cohesive. That’s not to say there aren’t different genres. There are a couple of ballads, a rap, a few ensemble pieces, a rock and roll number, a sea shanty, and a tap number (With multiple legs thanks to Gavin Lee’s incredible talent!!!!). But it retains a flow to it that carries through the entire show. At no point does the SpongeBob musical feel disjointed and given all of that talent working on it, I can’t help but be surprised, even now. Like, how does that work? The music here has no right being this solid and cohesive! Well, I can only assume that the above talents really talked to one another to make sure that no work felt out of place, and honestly, I can’t help but adore that respect for how seriously this was taken from all of them to make sure that there was consistency throughout each and every one of the pieces in regards to the world of SpongeBob and in terms of a full musical.

My favorite piece is “Bikini Bottom Day.” In addition to being visually great, it has this nice buildup as the pieces of Bikini Bottom come together. It starts off with this very faithful-to-the-source-material ukulele and builds to encompass the orchestra, building up the beauty of Bikini Bottom and all of its people as it relates to SpongeBob itself. Everyone’s characterizations are perfectly on display here and the first beats of the characters’ arcs come into play. The motif which is revisited in the Act 1 finale and the finale of the show itself is just nice and optimistic, inviting everyone to think more like SpongeBob, and damnit, when I hear it, I feel like SpongeBob!

STORY

I think the story here is so important, and more important than most might give it credit for. While not overly serious, it does deliver a story that’s deviously more than it seems and in a way that is palatable by its target demographic: children.

SpongeBob on Broadway is about the SpongeBob characters facing the possibility of the end of the world in the face of an erupting volcano, and their various reactions to that. SpongeBob works on combatting the eruption, many of the townspeople try to run, those less committed to running focus on blaming someone for the issue (Sandy, as Plankton puts the value of being the sole land animal in an underwater town), a subset of fish seek wisdom from Patrick, Pearl and Squidward focus on completing their Bucket Lists, and Mr. Krabs and Plankton focus their efforts on profiting off of the panicking masses (Granted for Plankton, it’s in a much more evil way that involves mass manipulation and attempted murder). And throughout this story, there are various ticking countdowns, the aforementioned mechanisms throwing big balls of magma onto the stage, and even the intermission says that it will be the “last intermission...ever.” And that’s all before talking about the two numbers about the possibility of facing the end: “No Control” and “Best Day Ever,” the former of which is one of the most panicked and hopeless numbers I’ve ever heard.

Now, that’s a pretty really-real baseline story with some harsh elements, and honestly, it could’ve gotten pretty dark. But what I like is that it never really did. While not afraid to handle these storylines and aspects and tackle them fully, the show never lost sight of the fact that it’s a SpongeBob musical and being that requires a consistency of a comedic tone as well as an understanding that it’s a musical for children. There are at least five jokes per scene and the show itself ends with a parade of bubbles, a zany band performance, and strings of party paper that falls from the sky! It’s fucking bonkers! And that tonal balance is what makes it so good -- not all time classic-great, but certainly more than enough to merit its own existence. 

And that brings us to...

CULTURE

Whenever I see someone picking on SpongeBob on Broadway, even from its inception, I’ve always hated it. I get that SpongeBob on Broadways was somewhat of an absurd notion, but then again, so was The Lion King or Avenue Q, an adult-themed show about puppets, and both of those offered something unique visually as well as through elements like staging, storytelling, and costumes. And in terms of animated adaptations, we’ve had again all but two of the Disney Broadway adaptations. So why did SpongeBob get mocked?

And I’m sure some edgelord reading this is groaning about that the fact that SpongeBob on Broadway is a musical for kids and that I’m unapologetically defending its right to be exactly that, but honestly, fuck that noise. Being for kids does not mean that a musical cannot be great or even tough upon hard subject matter. I mean, look at how some of the more recent Disney animated movies have taken upon harsher subject matter if you need proof of that. What it means is that there needs to be an understanding in the delivery of a message so that one can understand it from an early age without needing to sacrifice storytelling to deliver it. It’s not dumbing down theatre, it’s opening up the door for new people to come in. And there’s no reason why that’s a bad thing. Broadway, like every other medium, thrives off of variety. Just like how there are deep movies like “Citizen Kane,” comedies like “Crazy Rich Asians,” silly films like “Despicable Me,” and superhero movies like “The Avengers” (And blendings of the different genres like “The Dark Knight”), so can there be such a tonal diversity among the shows on Broadway. Hamilton and Phantom are great musicals, but they aren’t and shouldn’t be the only types out there and I like that there’s more out there for kids. 

Broadway in its current state, while making changes to foster grander availability, is still a very overpriced and hard to access medium. It’s based on location and even for someone like me who lives in New York, it’s an endeavor that costs at least $50-$60 (That’s assuming I (1) win a digital lottery or have a friend do rush (thanks again @crazy-noonoohead​), (2) don’t take a subway or cab, and (3) don’t eat on the trip, and very rarely do those things all happen simultaneously). To be willing to do that, you need to have some serious love or interest in the show, and because of that high bar that people already have to meet in order to just get in the door, it’s not especially approachable to new people. And that’s where shows like SpongeBob come in. Little kids and families go to see the show and come out with so much more. Shows like SpongeBob open doors for lifelong interests in the mastery of theatre and I hope that in the future, when a non-Disney show like this is announced, we remain more optimistic about its potential rather than turning it into a punchline.

While I can’t say it’s for certain intentional, I can’t help but related the song “Not a Simple Sponge” to the public’s outcry towards the show. The chorus invites Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and (by extension) the audience to give SpongeBob a chance to “give me [him] adventure, be a contender, and more” after earlier calling him “just a simple sponge.” I can’t help but see the similarities between SpongeBob’s doubters and the public itself for dismissing the idea of SpongeBob going on a grand staged adventure, as if to say “No, you can’t tell us this story.” But by the end, through the careful delivery of themes (”Everything gets better if you keep on trying”), SpongeBob proves that indeed his is more than a simple sponge and worthy of his claim to The Great White Way.

LET’S WRAP THIS UP

SpongeBob was something that crept up on me. I figured I’d like it well enough, but that it would be something that would follow me, take up about half of my Spotify history, and be something that moved me to make a fairly long post about it? Well, that caught me as a surprise! Hell, I still have a piece of the tissue paper that fell on me during the end of the show and it’s still something I’m going to try to hold on for my remaining days. I probably would’ve attempted for the finale performance alongside my friend had it not been for a car accident that currently leaves me unable to walk. Even still, I’m grateful for the chance to experience this show.

What I’m saying is, SpongeBob on Broadway is “not a simple sponge” and I sincerely wish that it had run longer (With all due respect, I was bored with the Mean Girls bootleg I found in roughly twenty minutes and I was hoping my big yellow friend would stick it out at least until after that closed). For something that was odds are less than half a risk to Viacom, it tried so much harder than anyone expected to and created a memorable show. While I don’t expect a revival anytime soon, it’s going to join some of my mid-tier favorites that Broadway has to offer, along the lines of Legally Blonde and Young Frankenstein. And maybe one day, it will get the respect and love that it truly deserves.

If you’ve never checked out SpongeBob, and by some miracle you’re able to track down a working bootleg or even if you just rock out to the cast recording and a Wikipedia article on the plot, I suggest downing an hour or two and letting the wonders of a “Bikini Bottom Day” consume you.