#The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage

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Complete Review - The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage

DISCLAIMER: This review will contain spoilers. If you plan to read the book, I will leave a mark for when I go more in-depth on the book, so continue at your own risk. If you want to purchase The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage, you can get it here.

The Rose Council, as far as I can find, is the first book published by Mark Bullock. On the cover, it states that it is book 1, presumably in a series, though after some extensive searching, I can’t find any sequels despite the book having been published in 2010. The book was published through AuthorHouse, a self-publishing company. I have spoken very briefly with the author about his work, considering that my Dad actually happens to be friends with Bullock. However, I will do my utmost to be unbiased and as professional as these reviews get by keeping any personal feelings I hold towards Bullock out of my review and commentary. Bullock has stated that he had the editors at AuthorHouse review his book and edit it, however, after looking through reviews of AuthorHouse’s services and their FAQ (link their FAQ), AuthorHouse only offers suggestions for edits. It is entirely up to the author if they wish to accept these edits. I have reason to believe, through a multitude of spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, that this book never made it past chapter 3 of editing, if it was even edited at all. It gets worse as it goes, which seems to defy all logic. As an author writes a book, especially for their first time around, you would assume that the book would get better as it goes with their skill in writing improving over time. The exact opposite happens in this book, and it gets so much worse than it started as it goes. Bullock has also stated that he did not review the book very many times himself or have others go over it very many times as it can “cause the book to lose its story.” It doesn’t take very long to find that this statement is more than just a little wrong. Tony Smith, the author of Fukushima and the Coming Tokyo Earthquake stated that an author should go over their book “Enough times that if someone would plagiarize your work you would recognize it instantly (source).” Most authors tend to agree with Smith, and if any author begins to hate their work from reading it so much or the words start to blur together, they should have a good, qualified, and supportive editor behind them. Not their friends acting as an editor, but an actual editor who went to school and studied the language the author is writing it well enough that they know the ins and outs of how words work together and how stories flow. A good editor will catch plotholes and inconsistencies; they will point out when your story is starting to flounder and fall apart; they will point out things that need to be cut and things that need to be elaborated on. If Bullock truly did have an editor, they were not a good one because none of these things happened, and if they did, I would absolutely hate to be the one to read through the first manuscript because The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage was absolutely horrendous to read through and I can barely imagine what it would be like to edit it. To combat the point that the “book will lose its story” it doesn’t take very many brain cells to figure out that if you are losing your story through the editing process, then perhaps it wasn’t a good story to begin with. I have rarely met an author who goes with the first storyboard or plot they laid out, let alone continuing on without making a few or many tweaks to the story itself as they go. To simply go with the first idea that you have and believe that it doesn’t need to be changed is arrogant and childish. In the words of the true Queen, Hannah Montana, “Nobody’s perfect” and this could not be more true for books. A book is never completely perfect, they can be absolutely amazing works of art, but most authors will still find something wrong or something that they wish they could change. “I hope you’re plagued with dissatisfaction your whole life, that way you’ll always strive to do better.” -Bob Ross Bob Ross may not be an author, but a book is still a work of art. Perhaps not a painting or even a drawing, but it is still a piece of artwork that many people hold dear to them. Never think that you can’t improve because you always can. We can always strive to be a better version of ourselves and to put out better work. To believe you have reached perfection, that your work simply can’t improve is incredibly arrogant and reflects poorly on yourself and your work. You can be happy with your work and love it and believe it is good, but we can always do better. On from the rant, we come to the book itself. Little known and little shared book, The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage. This book has yet to blow up in the mainstream like Empress Theresa for how horrible it is, which isn’t surprising. It’s rather hard to find on Amazon or really any website without searching directly for the title. I don’t know if I’m pleased about that or not, because, on Amazon, it had three reviews before I posted my own. They were all rated five stars, one of them from Bullock’s friend, another from his wife, and another from an account I can only assume is fake with the review having been bought by Bullock or made by him. Either way, they were all 5-stars, and I felt immense satisfaction when my review brought it down to 3-stars. One of the reviews is written far more eloquently than the actual book is, and it’s the fake review, posted by Amazon user ‘F1.4toF32’. The sole review on this user’s account is for the book. If you look at Amazon.uk and other international Amazon pages, this user’s review doesn’t actually exist. Wonder why that is? Maybe because it’s… oh, I don’t know… fake? A purchased review so Bullock could promote his book and make it look better? *Gasp* This wasn’t a good start for The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage. If you look at the reviews through Barnes & Noble and Goodreads, Bullock or his wife have reviewed the book and left it a 5-star review. I understand that Franzi is supporting her husband in his endeavor to be a writer, and the sentiment is sweet, but it’s enabling his terrible, terrible writing. Bullock rating the book himself though is just rather arrogant and comes off as a piss-poor attempt to try and boost his book to get more readers. Boosting his book to get more readers is definitely the last thing that Bullock needs, however. Actually, no. Bullock needs more people to read his book so he can have his massive ego stomped on and dragged through the mud. Pride is one thing, an ego is another (Sorry, my personal feelings leaked in a bit there. Though I’m choosing to keep it in).  

The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage is a fantasy novel, supposedly the first in a series of 7 according to the fake review. It contains a pitiful attempt at a ‘sex-scene’, which safely moves it out of the young-adult audience and into the adult audience. As such, that gives me free rein to have a no-holds-barred review. This collection of words so horrendous it can barely be called a book was made for adults and therefore, has no excuse for its god-awful writing; in the story, characters, and in the grammar of the book, it is truly terrible to the extent of being painful.

The Summary: After 3000 years of peace since the banning of the Gods, a balance is about to be tipped. David, an apprentice and son to the King’s High Enchanter, struggles with the destiny he is to fulfill as the bringer to find the next Kaiser Mage. Unfortunately, the struggle of the delicate balance favors against David, who by himself has little to no power. Unexpectedly, David has discovered a new gift that he must master to find the truth about himself. After a terrible accident, Franziska, a fellow apprentice who conceals a strong love for David, finds herself trailing in David’s shadow to keep him safe. The prophecies handed down through the ages are ambiguous, however, leading some to believe that it is Franziska, not David, who is the true Bringer of the next Kaiser Mage. It is a race against time and fate to bring forth the Kaiser Mage. This summary is terrible in a lot of ways. To start, a good summary will: - Contain the main points and don’t go beyond them - Be as brief as possible (e.g. Don’t get specific with dates, numbers, details unless they are necessary) 

- Give the basic information to interest a reader in the story 

- Be concise

- Isn’t revealing of important plot points (specifically pertains to works of fiction)(Video source)

Bullock’s summary, on the other hand, is: 

- Revealing of plot points

- Exposing content of the book that isn’t actually there (It’s fucking lying to you about the content of the book) 

- Setting up relationships (which should be set up in the story, not in the summary) 

- Confusing; I still don’t know entirely what the fuck a Kaiser Mage is and I read the entire book

- Exposing plot twists

The Lies: In the summary, we actually get a few lies. First, Franziska never conceals her love for David. She is more than open about it through the entire book, and her entire reason for being and existing is solely for David and to ‘help’ him. 

Second, nothing seems to be against David except Jason, a whiny brat who thinks that he’s entitled to everything and doesn’t even show up until about half-way into the book. Even then, Jason holds absolutely no pull with anyone or anything. He couldn’t even tell a fucking fly to piss off. Third, David never struggles with his destiny. In fact, he seems more than eager throughout the entire book to achieve it. 

Fourth, Franziska never follows in David’s shadow to try and protect him. In fact, she is quite literally ahead of him the entire time. (Also this is a bit nitpicky for me, but it’s weird that David and Franzi are in love because David is the name of Bullock’s son and Franzi is his wife)

The Characters: David Saxton: The main character. Arrogant, a rebel, objectifies women, a complete Gary-Stu. He can do no wrong, is a strategic genius, and is overpowered as shit.

Franziska/Franzi: The main love interest. Scared, submissive, friendly, has occasional bursts of anger.

Rudolf: David’s father figure and mentor. Big, burly, deep voice. That’s seriously all I can think of when I think of Rudolf.

Cornelius: David’s grandfather (biological). The King’s Wizard (I didn’t know there was a difference between a mage and a wizard, but go for it I guess).

Adam Saxton: David’s actual dad. Wants the best for his son, I guess. He is a pretty good teacher, I guess. Fuck if I know how to describe him, he dies within the first three chapters.

Hans: A side character, the Fro-Drag (Frozen Dragon) Warrior. Big, buff, an asshole, emotionally stunted.

Shauna: Hans’ love interest. There is no reason for her to exist other than to give Hans a love interest. She does a few things that help the story, but other than that she serves no purpose to the story. 

Henrich: First Keeper (of a Rose Council tower, I think?). One of the bad guys, but not the Big Bad Evil Guy (BBEG). Idk…. he’s just… there. He doesn’t really have a personality.

Eve: Second Keeper (of the same tower). One of the bad guys, not the BBEG. Apparently she dresses super skimpy, but she’s proud and confident, but also cruel and evil? Zesterag: Third Keeper (same tower). David and Cornelius’s friend. Personality? He doesn’t have one. He is a major part of this book and yet I struggle to find words to describe who he is as a person, and I come up empty because he simply isn’t anything other than ‘David’s friend’ and the ‘Third Keeper’. 

Jason: The nephew to the King. Arrogant, prideful, incompetent, entitled. Not necessarily one of the bad guys, though he’s certainly painted to try and be David’s foil it just doesn’t work most of the time, if not all of the time. King Bertram Ingram: Obviously the king. Supposedly he’s the best king that the kingdom has ever seen. He’s easy-going and rather incompetent in the world of magic despite the fact that his kingdom heavily revolves around magic. 

Morgloth: The Demon god, the BBEG. You never meet him in this stupid fucking book.

If you haven’t figured out from this “short” list of characters, who they are, and their personalities, the characters in The Rose Council are bland and incredibly surface level. They never change from this starting state of who they are either. There is absolutely no character development from anyone and that makes them, as characters, feel fake and any emotion feels forced (and there certainly is a lot of ‘emotion’ that Bullock tries to push on the reader). 

The Problems: This book has… a lot of problems. This isn’t surprising at this point considering it most definitely falls under the category of a bad book. The plot itself is terrible and should have been completely different (which I will go into later). The characters are flat and never develop or gain anything more than a surface-level description. In fact, the descriptions are so surface level that often times, when Bullock describes some of the men, in particular, it comes off as incredibly homoerotic. “‘A complicated case for sure, but General Ekins’s choice in the bet political mind needed for the task was more than well chosen,’ the king replied, which surprisingly made Stark blush, more because it was coming from a man he well respected” (pg 216). Stark received a compliment from the king here and blushed. Now I know that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s gay, but it certainly has Big Gay Energy, especially with how the rest of the book is framed in its almost excessive descriptions of men in a manner that seems over over-indulgent. I was dead convinced that David was gay too until Franziska came into the picture sheerly on how he described Rudolf. “Rudolf smiled his glowing smile David loved very much” (pg 3). “David quickly flipped the dented sword in his hands and presented it to the large man hilt first, allowing his large, thick hands to grab it” (pg 3, 4). And there are so many more examples. Also, on the topic of hands, Bullock has a weird obsession with talking about hands. Rudolf’s thick and large hands and Fraziska’s small and delicate hands more specifically. They are mentioned far too many times and it has convinced me that Bullock has a kink for hands. I’m not going to kink shame anyone, but please, for the love of J.R.R Tolkein, please, stop talking about their hands. There are a lot of grammar and spelling errors as well. Several times throughout the book, and especially in the prologue, Bullock spells ‘Kaiser’ wrong, spelling it as ‘Kaser’. You would think that if the name is on the cover of the book that you could be fucked enough to go and find spelling errors to fix it. He also spells ‘colonel’ as ‘coronal’, which after the years that Bullock spent in the military, you would think he could get right, but I guess not. ‘Till’ instead of ‘Until’, which is the use of slang I guess, but it’s used in formal conversations which would lead me to believe it’s a spelling error. And the big cherry on top, ‘trader’ instead of ‘traitor’. These are the most reoccurring spelling errors throughout the book and while I’m more than certain there are others, these are really the only ones that I can think of at the moment. There’s also so problems with Bullock switching the names (especially towards the end of the book) which makes it a struggle to follow along. E.g. he occasionally switches the name ‘David’ and ‘Jason’, or ‘Franziska’ and ‘Shauna’. This wouldn’t be a huge problem if it didn’t happen as often as it did. In fact, it wouldn’t be a problem at all if Bulock had actually been fucked to edit his book or at the very least, have someone look over it to edit it. 

Bullock also steals most of his elements in the book from other fantasy things (mainly World of Warcraft). I understand that fantasy-based things often work off of the same system and borrow a lot from each other, but they still put their own unique twist on it to make the novel feel unique and not like a rehashing of other fantasy stories. Bullock doesn’t do this, and it makes his novel hard to read and understand. If you haven’t played World of Warcraft or Warhammer before (like me) then oftentimes, you don’t know what the fuck Bullock is talking about with a Bloodthirster as he never describes what it is, what it looks like, or anything relating to painting a picture for the reader to allow them to become involved in the story. Another element that was more than blatantly stolen, especially from World of Warcraft, was the Lich King. This was supposed to be another BBEG in the book as far as I was aware, though you never really see any interaction with him. Nothing serves as a threat in this fucking book and it’s annoying. There is nothing at all to ever challenge David and to push him to develop into a better person or a better character. Everyone enables his bad behavior and encourages him to cheat so long if he wins because fuck having honor and pride in what you have done so long as you win, right?

The Plot: The plot of this book is god-awful. What should have been the plot of the entire book is shoved into the last ⅕ and finished in about ten pages. It is genuinely painful to read and I fucking hate it. The entire book up until that point was fluff and exposition and all of it was poorly done. That’s not to say that the last ⅕ of the book was done amazingly, arguably it was done far worse than the rest of the book because of how much shit was crammed into it. It became more than obvious that Bullock was done with the book and just wanted to publish it and never look at it again. The story follows David, a battle mage who has been spoken about in one of Alexander’s prophecies. I’m not entirely sure what this prophecy is since we never learn it or hear anything about it. Alexander was the first Kaiser Mage, the one who pushed the Gods from the earth since I guess that they were just going to kill all living beings on it for their own perverse pleasure (I think. It’s never fully explained). David’s role is to bring the Kaiser Mage back to earth and into being so the Kaiser Mage can put an end to Morgloth before the demon god can terrorize the earth once more. However, Alexander’s prophecy specifically states that the Bringer [of the Kaiser Mage] will be a woman. As such, some people suspect that it is actually Fraziska who is the Bringer, especially after they discover that she essentially harnesses elven magic. This is never explained in the story as to why she has elven magic, she just does. Hans is the son of the recently deceased king of the Fro-Drag clan, determined to kill the great Frozen Dragon who killed his father and the handful of other warriors before his father. They are supposed to kill the baby Frozen Dragon every five-to-ten years, though Bullock flip-flops between the number so I’m not entirely sure. It has been 25 years since the dragon has been killed and no they stand little to no chance of facing off against it, especially since they are supposed to fight the dragon without weapons (big shocker, they don’t fight it without any weapons). Shauna is Hans’ beloved and the head of the Shamans in their clan. She will do her utmost to protect Hans and to see him through to the end of his journey. 

Jason is just an entitled prick who is there to make David look better. 

The Problems: What’s wrong with the plot? Everything. Everything is wrong with the story, from the pacing to the exposition to the entire worldbuilding. I’ll move through the book chronologically with you and lay it all out for you to see. There are 27 chapters in total plus a prologue, though two chapters are labeled ‘Chapter 26’. At the end of the explanation, I’ll showcase what I think would have been a better plot for this book, especially as the start of a series. 

Prologue: Alexander’s Bible To start, the entire thing is in italics. Not only is the word ‘Prologue’ written in bold at the top, but the entire section is in italics. It’s a bit nitpicky, but I hate reading a lot in italics because it can be incredibly difficult to read at times and is often unnecessary. This is one of those times where I really think that the italics were unnecessary. 

This section, though, aside from italics is incredibly poorly explained exposition of what a Kaiser Mage is, who the Gods are, and what games they were playing with the different races of Earth, forcing them to fight for their own pleasure. A Kaiser Mage is essentially akin to a God, with some power from all of the Gods as a Kaiser Mage is created to stand-off against the Demon God, Morgloth. The worst explained part of the prologue is a game called ‘Chock’. I’m still not entirely sure what Chock is because it was terribly explained throughout the entire book. If you’re not going to explain a game well, just don’t explain it at all. Better yet, just don’t have it in the fucking book if I can’t understand what it is because it only becomes more and more confusing as you devote entire fucking chapters to someone playing the games that you came up with. These games are completely and utterly pointless and add nothing to the book besides jacking off David’s ego even more and being like “look at how great David is? Don’t you love him yet?” No! I don’t love him. I fucking hate David and everything that he is in this book because he is by far one of the most annoying characters and clearly doesn’t understand how privileged he is most of the time because he’s “good and true” and “knows the right way in a world full of darkness.” I would have liked to see him evolve to become the rebel that he was, not just have him always be like that. Or better yet, have him be a rebel, a liar, a cheat, a thief in the beginning and teach him moral values and the lesson in having pride in what you do. Teach him what it’s like to stick to a code of honor and how being a good person improves your lives and the lives of everyone around you, even if you lose in a friendly game or two. It’s so fucking stupid that Bullock didn’t do this and it makes the book more than just pointless to read. I don’t know if I can even call it a book at this point it’s just a terrible smash together of words that have been bound and framed to be a book, but it’s not. 

I fucking hate The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage more than any terrible book I have on my shelf at this point. 

Ugh

Chapters 1-6

We start off the book by seeing David train with Rudolf, something I guess that he’s not supposed to be doing because his father doesn’t want him to train to be a soldier. Essentially, David is supposed to be training to take over as the next High Enchanter to the king, a role that his father currently fills. After the training session, David heads back to his house where his father and Franziska are already waiting for them. Adam, David’s father, has them recount the lesson that they just learned the previous day --- how to summon a golem. However, Adam specifically tells them that he doesn’t want them to summon golems because it could kill them, yet, he taught them the exact steps needed to summon one. Funny how that works, isn’t it? Surprise, surprise, as soon as Adam leaves to go and help some Elves and the two are left alone, David and Franziska summon a fucking golem. Before they summon the golem, Franziska helps David to find his magic by “reaching into herself” and “bringing forth her magic” and “putting it into David”. I honest to god hate the way that Bullock constantly describes how they “reach into themselves and bring forth their magic” to describe them using it. It’s annoying and honestly makes me deeply uncomfortable. After they summon the golem (which nearly kills them) the chapter ends and we are now introduced to Cornelius, Zesterag, and the King. We learn that Adam died while trying to fight Bloodthirster and ended up trapping the demon in his ring at the cost of his own life force. He gave the ring to the Elves to give to David. That’s the entire fucking chapter right there, explained better than it explained itself. It tries to push emotion onto the reader by having Cornelius cry over his son dying but I feel absolutely nothing when I read it because I have absolutely no reason to care about Cornelius or Adam. 

In the next chapter, we are introduced to Hans and the other warriors who are on their way to kill the Great Frozen Dragon. Bullock flips between calling the Frozen Dragon just that, the Frozen Dragon, or Fro-Drag, or a Fro-Dragon. The inconsistency is incredibly annoying, actually. We also meet Shauna, who is willing to break the rules of their ancestors in order to ensure that Hans can kill the dragon and live, even at the cost of her own life or the lives of her sisters. Yohanus is introduced, and he literally serves no other purpose than to give Hans and excuse as to why he can leave the clan after they kill the Fro-Drag, as Yohanus can take the mantle of King of the clans instead of Hans after the dragon has been killed. Hans also comes off as a massive asshole because he refuses to respond to his men so much that his men just accept that he just doesn’t respond sometimes or just won’t respond sometimes. I guess this was supposed to make Hans the “cool and mysterious” type and a total “badass”, but it just makes him look like an asshole. 

If you’re wondering, a Fro-Drag warrior is a warrior who successfully has killed the dragon and as such, has been blessed by the Dragon God with abilities beyond the normal human scope (incredibly enhanced speed, strength, reflexes, constitution, and endurance). They also become completely blue once they are turned into a Fro-Drag warrior. Apparently, nothing can beat one of these warriors, except, you know, a nearly fully grown dragon as Hans’ dead father would prove. 

After this, we discover that the elves have arrived to basically give David his father’s position, though Cornelius and Zesterag burst in, just in time, and declare that no, David will be going to study under the Rose Council to become a Rose Council Mage and Franziska will be taking the rank of the High Enchantress. So they do just that, David goes with Zesterag to study under the Rose Council and to hopefully become one of the members and Franzi goes to be the High Enchantress and fulfill everything that duty entails. 

Chapter 7-13

David, now at the Rose Council Tower and having met Eve, who he promptly decided was a disgusting whore because the dress she wore hugged her curves too tightly in his opinion, now has to read and memorize the book containing all of the rules of the Rose Council. In order to do this, David discovers that he has a “second mind” which allows him to piss off and do other things while his first mind takes in all of the information and commits it to memory. God, that would be so fucking handy when it came to school. Or just reading this book in general because it was so fucking painful and I would have rather liked to piss off and do other things instead of sitting here and reading through this garbage. In chapter 7, David also meets his servant while he is in the tower. He promptly invades her mind without her consent and finds out she was raped by another trainee in the Rose Council. Bullock uses this point to fuel why the Rose Council are all terrible people and I had to set the book down and leave it for a bit after reading that point. I can’t explain better myself why rape really shouldn’t be used as an arbitrary plot device thrown in to stir emotions than KrismonRogue does. If you want to hear him go in-depth in better words than I can use right now, please, watch his reasoning here. 

In chapter 8, Franzi cries because she has to leave her house and actually do things that a High Enchantress is supposed to do. She’s supposed to meet with the king and then go on whatever mission he designates. She cries even more because she’s terrified of the alter-rang golem (I have no idea what the fuck an alter-rang golem is, but I assume it’s big and made out of metal as the book describes) she and David summoned. As such, she’s struggling to control it. 

In chapter 9, after finishing the book of rules faster than any other mage has read it, David is introduced to the Gauntlet of Pain (edgy). Where the other mages will launch mental attacks on him and inflict him with unbearable pain. He must push through it in order to get to the end of the hallway (I think that’s what it is) where a statue of Alexander, the first and so far, the only Kaiser Mage is. Should he reach the statue, David will be granted into the life of a fully-fledged Rose Mage. He almost fucking does it on the first try because all he does is make his magic move his body while he just squirrels away in his second mind. He doesn’t stop until the First Keeper, Henrich, decides that it’s too soon for him to reach the statue and just fucking punches the lights out of David via magic. Also, apparently your hair can hurt in this fantasy world. I wasn’t aware that hair itself had nerve endings, but apparently it does. 

In chapter 10 Hans and Yohanus kill the Frozen Dragon after Shauna basically points out a crack in the magic shield that prevents any non-living object from entering. Yohanus is able to bring a spear in because of this and they kill the Frozen Dragon. The scene goes way too quickly and is incredibly muddled, which makes it super annoying and bland. The Dragon God shows up after they kill the dragon though and basically grants them both the powers of a Fro-Drag warrior. We learn that in the process of trying to help Hans and Yohanus, several of the Shamans ‘died’ because of their astral projection (though Bullock doesn’t call it astral projection). In truth, their souls were just lost from their bodies because they wandered too far from their bodies and I guess the Dragon God was willing to help the souls be guided back? I have no fucking idea though. The chapter where that’s talked about (chapter 14) is so muddled and hard to decipher. Hans is told that he is to be an assassin and needs to kill the Bringer (or the Kaiser Mage? Both?) before they use evil magic to bring Morgloth into the world and kill everyone. 

Chapter 11, Franziska has guards from the kingdom now. They’re called Marble Guards. The only one we know is Clouse and both her and Clouse have far more chemistry than David and she do. The existence of Clouse is entirely pointless however, aside from pointing out just how ‘devoted’ to David that Franzi is. We learn that the alter-rang golem, who is named Ugly, is powerful as shit and basically destroys a single building with its blast of magic lightning. We also meet Jason whose father, the Lord of the village, is then convinced needs to go and be part of the army so he has a better shot at becoming the king after the death of the current king. 

Chapter 12, David has an orgy in the showers despite the fact that he says he’s so devoted to Franzi. Actually, the orgy in the showers is completely against his own will and in fact, he has told the servant who brought this onto him that he didn’t want to have sex with her because he was so devoted to Franzi, yet, she pushes this onto him anyways and does it in public space too. If this was a good writer, this would have really fucked up David. However, Bullock is not a good writer, so I’m inclined to believe that this was written with the thought that David should be enjoying it. David gets attacked with magic per the orders of Henrich to attack David with magic whenever you saw him. He’s in the middle of the orgy when this happens and pretends to really be enjoying it while another mage, Teresina, basically funnels away the pain. Apparently convincing everybody he was a masochist was enough to deter them from ever causing him pain like that again out of the blue. It’s weird. 

David plays a shitty game with marbles called Defenders or something like that. It’s terribly explained and I’m not going to even bother trying lest I confuse myself more. That just brings me back to my previous statement of not including a game if you can’t explain it to the reader’s understanding. Of course, he fucking wins the game so hard that everyone is impressed and on his side now. He then goes through the Gauntlet of Pain again and actually succeeds this time. He’s told to repeat a phrase on the statue to finally become a Rose Mage. However this little shit, instead of repeating what the phrase is on the statue, he repeats the “actual” phrase (of which I still don’t know what it is, nor do I know what the fake phrase was). Henrich gets super pissed again because of this and says that David is disrespecting the council and Alexander and almost kills David because of it. I guess Zesterag interferes again and saves David’s life? Not too sure though. 

In chapter 13, we learn that Henrich is working for Morgloth, David attacks him because of this after freeing Zesterag’s brother, Delpapa (I think this addition was completely pointless). Zesterag and some of the guards from the castle smuggle David out of the tower and get him to safety while Zesterag pretends that he killed David so Henrich and Eve will lay off and not try to hunt him down to kill him. I’m really not interested in David’s safety at all, despite the fact that this is half-way through the book. I don’t care about anything or anyone in this story and there really isn’t a plot-line up until now. It’s just David doing whatever the fuck he wants and the rest of the crew trying to actually do their jobs. 

Chapter 14-26 (It’s actually chapter 27, but it’s labeled as 26, so fuck it) 

Hans and Yohanus return back to the village, Yohanus is declared as the king and Hans says that he’s going to go out to search for the Bringer so he can kill them before they kill the world. Shauna gets permission from Yohanus to follow after Hans. 

Chapter 15, it’s just Franziska, her guard Clouse, some soldiers, and her golem as they pass through a pass filled to the brim with Black Orcs. Supposedly these Black Orcs are super dangerous, but they don’t dare attack because the golem is so stupidly intimidating. They are on their way to the frontlines of the battlefield against the undead creature that would kill the entire land if the shield crystal isn’t recharged. Franziska’s job is to go and recharge these crystals. 

They arrive at a camp and go to meet the Sisters of Prophecy where Hans is. Hans joins the entourage (sans Shauna). Eve also joins the entourage to ‘protect’ Franziska and guide her, I guess. 

Chapter 16, It’s basically just David’s escape to the palace and then Zesterag convincing Henrich and Eve that he did, in fact, kill David. David dives into a home to hide from Eve and unbeknownst to him, there’s a naked old woman in the home. This is completely pointless to the story and I have no idea why it was included, it wasn’t even funny. We learn that Zesterag has been promoted to Second Keeper and Eve to First Keeper because Henrich has moved to be the Head of the Rose Council. Apparently it’s also a good thing that Henrich believes/does work for Morgloth because he’s their only inside to the way the demon works? This really doesn’t make sense to me, but alright, I guess. In chapter 17 David has arrived to the castle and is basically given the rank of Officer so he can hide from the Rose Council. He is to escort a bunch of new soldiers to the front lines with another officer, Jason, aka entitled brat boy. Oh yeah, for some reason Bullock decided to use a lot of military terminology and complicated names like Sergeant Major and Lord General and Field General, and as someone with no idea what ranking military people have with the titles and whatnot, this actually gets really confusing really quickly. It’s also weird to me that he’s using military terms in a fantasy world, especially because it is by no means a modern world and by no means has any other elements from real life in it. It’s rather jarring and it just doesn’t fit with the world. I understand that in fantasy an author can generally do whatever the fuck they want within reason and so long as it fits, but the military theme really just doesn’t feel like it fits in this story in any way. Bullock jumps between having guards and knights to having soldiers and officers and sergeants and lieutenants. It doesn’t work with the story and I think it needs to be removed entirely. Sure, a good majority of the story will go with it, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. The entire plot needs to be remade anyways. Especially considering that in this chapter, David gets a bracer. In this bracer, I guess that he needs to capture different types of magic in order to summon the Kaiser Mage. 

The bracer should have been given to him at the beginning of the story. Not the last ⅕. The bracer should have been the entire fucking story as he searched for the different types of magic in order to activate it so he could ‘summon’ the Kaiser Mage to their reality. It’s so fucking stupid that Bullock just throws it in during the last part of the book because now we finally have some kind of plot-line or purpose for David being out and about despite the Rose Council supposedly coming after him to kill him (although they think that he’s already dead). Here’s the real kick in the ass though: Mark ignores the entire fucking point of the bracer until about the last ten-ish pages. Everything in this godforsaken story is shoved into the last ten pages and I hate it. It was incredibly frustrating and I nearly tore the book in half down the spine I was so mad when reading it. 

Anyways, Jason is just a total brat, they get to pick Marble Guards to accompany them on their journey to the frontline. Because David just dazzled his superior with his genius so much when it came to picking his guards he gets to have four instead of two. After that, they arrive at the training grounds where the new guards are and *GASP* guess who is there???? Rudolf! David’s sugar daddy! David throws down with all of the new soldiers in a ring to prove to his daddy just how impressive his skills are now that he can use magic to help him! And his Daddy is very impressed by his skills. Then we meet KEVIN. THE MOST FUCKING BRILLIANT NAME FOR A FANTASY CHARACTER EVER. KEVIN.  F U C K I N G    K E V I N. Kevin is a half-leaderless (which I guess is a race?) and is described as such; “Kevin’s eyes were the giveaway, with the blue reddish tint in them and semi-browner skin. Almost as if Kevin had the best tan, but the leaderless people’s skin were naturally brown” (pg 174). Kevin wants to fight David because Kevin is just amazing with a blade, but David asks if they can wait until tomorrow because he’s so exhausted. 

Chapter 18 and Jason is even more of a brat and David is the star child I guess. David fights Kevin and uses his magic to cheat because otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to beat Kevin in the swordfight, meaning that Kevin is the superior fighter. However, instead of being chided for cheating and abandoning any honor in his fight, Daddy Rudolf instead praises David after he promises to never cheat again, and Daddy Rudolf tells him instead “Oh hell no, that is by far the wrong lesson to learn. There will be another time when something like this will happen, David, only it will be your life on the line. I expect you to cheat with everything got, to win, understand?” (pg 177) They do more training exercises and it’s generally pretty unnecessary other than to prove that David is just ‘one of the boys’ and that all of the soldiers love him. 

Chapter 19, Franzi has more chemistry with Hans and Clouse again than she ever did with David. Franzi makes ‘friends’ with Eve and threatens Eve that Ugly will kill her if she keeps trying to push her way into her mind. Franzi pretends she’s the Bringer to make Eve happy and Eve tells her that the Bringer is the Kaiser Mage. We already know that David is the Bringer at this point so dING DING DING FUCK YOU WE’RE GOING TO GIVE AWAY THE END OF THE BOOK RIGHT NOW. SURPRISE, BITCH, DAVID WAS THE NEW KAISER MAGE ALL ALONG. 

We also get a brief perspective from Shauna where for some fucking reason she’s in a desert. In this desert, she passes out but also befriends two Silverback Desert Hounds. She’s basically a fucking pointless character already and is just there for Hans. 

Chapter 20, Jason is more of an entitled brat. David is struggling to use his second mind for some fucking reason, even though this is literally the only point he struggles to use it. Jason is found to be a racist as he hates Captin Olek who I guess is a great captain. He just hates him because he’s black. Yay, more Jason terrible and David great content. Fucking pointless chapter. Oh yeah and somewhere in these chapters David’s ring, the one he got from his father, starts to burn him because the Bloodthirster that is trapped inside of it is pounding on the walls of the pocket dimension? And for some reason, that’s enough to cause the ring to start burning his skin. And for some reason, later on, Bullock loses all logic and insists that the ring burns him terribly enough that he starts to bleed. Despite the fact that you know, heat is used to cauterize wounds. 

Chapter 21, Jason bad, David good. Soldiers love David, hate Jason. David can talk in the language of the gods when talking to the Bloodthirster. He plays Chock again and it’s still terribly explained. It’s completely pointless other than proving that David is a very smart and very strategic boy. And that Daddy Rudolf is very impressed with him (not really because although Rudolf is there he juST IS LIKE A FUCKING CARDBOARD FIGURE IN THE BACKGROUND). 

Chapter 22, David good, Jason bad. They go through a dangerous canyon filled with Black Orc’s now that Franziska went through earlier. 

Chapter 23, Franziska meets with Dark Elves who know she’s not the Bringer and out her to Hans. For some reason, despite the fact that she’s saying she’s the Bringer and Hans is supposed to kill the Bringer, he hasn’t killed her yet. Franziska snaps and has Ugly almost kill Eve. Eve escapes in the nick of time. Franziska and Clouse still have more chemistry than David and Franziska and that is only proved further. 

Chapter 24, Shauna shows up. Franziska and Shauna bond almost immediately. David and co finally arrive at the frontlines without have lost a single man, which is supposed to be super impressive but it doesn’t feel that way. Jason bad, David good. All soldier’s love David. Oh nooo… Henrich is there and he knows that David is too. Henrich is big anger now because David is supposed to be dead. Henrich would attack David but whoops! Big wraith arrives and does it for him after Jason was left alone in the field and like a dumbass David rushed in to save Jason because he just has to be the bigger man in the situation. Wraith kidnaps David and Jason. Franziska finds out and cries more. 

Chapter 25, David wakes up in the place he was hidden after being kidnapped. Finds one of the green magics for his bracer. Yay! He runs while carrying Jason. Hans realizes David is the Bring and chase after him. Eve gets mad at Henrich and tells Ugly to kill him. Henrich is okay and fucking yeets Ugly a couple of yards away and into a mountain with magics. Eve assures Franziska that Henrich isn’t mad and takes her to a tent to “teach her things”. 

Chapter 26 part 1, David run lots while carrying Jason. Hans shows up and fucking deflects all of the magic with the magical resistance that was blessed onto him by the Dragon God when he became a Fro-Drag warrior. They fights lots. David cheats and releases the Bloodthirster from the ring because if you release the Bloodthirster he becomes your servant until you die. David realizes he fucked up. Hans knows he fucked up. Somehow David convinces Hans that he’s not even and when the Bloodthirster brags that he can never be sealed again, David fucking seals him in the stupid fucking magic bracer to get what I guess is the red life magic. Hans just so happens to be the blue life magic because “blue man must be part of blue circle hurhur.” He doesn’t absorb Hans into the bracer but somehow gets the magic? Fuck if I know. Apparently in the prophecy is also said that the Bringer would be evil and release evil magic upon the world, but that was just Alexander spouting bullshit and somehow that in itself was supposed to bring everyone together to do what needed to be done 

Chapter 26, part 2, David confronts Eve and Henrich. He fucking makes Eve his slave by brainwashing her with the bracer to make her want nothing more than to serve him. He absorbs Henrich into the bracer without any fight. He then declares himself the Kaiser mage and what a fucking surprise, he is. He then goes off to face the Lich King or Morgloth’s clone that he sent to terrorize the world because he couldn’t set foot on it himself???? Fuck if I know at this point, this book is such a fucking mess. Either way, the BBEG is Morgloth’s clone and instead of an epic fight, Kaiser Mage David just goes up and does the same fucking thing he does with Eve and brainwashes it without a challenge to be his servant. He then goes and commands it to go and kill Morgloth so like, guess there goes that fucking challenge. 

And the book is over. The book is finally fucking over. Aside from my rant about the plot issues and how the entire plot should have been centered around the Gauntlet, it has a lot of issues with formatting and phrasing and grammar. The Rose Council clearly never saw an editor a day’s worth of revision and it desperately needs to. Writing a book is hard and takes a lot of effort and research, none of these were put into The Rose Council and it shows. 

Overall, 0/10 stars. I fucking hated it. 

[badbookreviewclub]

Complete Review - Bitter Fruit: The Story of the American Coup in Guatemala

This review is one of my pre-written ones and is different from other reviews. If you’ve read the Waiting for Snow in Havana review, this will be incredibly similar. If I had the option, I would have written a review for Empress Theresa today, though I wasn’t able to work through the rest of the book as of yet. I would say that this review contains spoilers, but it’s literally just a historical book, so I’m not going to.  The next Bad Book Review that will be coming out is going to be on The Rose Council: The Kaiser Mage. I’m nearly done with the book, so I hope to get it up by Sunday. Though for now, please enjoy this review on an actually good book. 

Bitter Fruit showcases a story that is rarely, if ever actually heard in the United States, twisting the emotions of readers as it showcases the reality of the extent that the Eisenhower Administration was willing to go to wipe out ‘Communists’ or those who were accused of being ‘Communists’. Co-authors Stephen Schlesinger and Stephen Kinzer set out to write the story of the coup incited in Guatemala by the United States, as well as to help push for a reappraisal of American policies within the western hemisphere. The two authors took an extensive amount of time and consulted many different people, libraries, and archives while gathering their information, both in the United States and in Guatemala. Schlesinger is the Director of the World Policy Institute and in 1977 with the Freedom of Information request made by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) urged for the CIA to release all their documents on American involvement during the coup in Guatemala. Kinzer spent 13 years writing about Latin America, and while working as a bureau chief for Times in Nicaragua, he was awarded the Maria Moors Cabot award by Columbia University. 

The book begins by introducing you during the middle-end portion of the rebellion against Jacobo Arbenz. When the supporters of Arbenz have already been painted as Communists and it seemed that Guatemala and the world as a whole were opposed to the leader. It captures your attention and draws you into the book, painting your opinion in one way before almost completely changing it in the later chapters. After first it paints Arbenz as a communist, something that the American media tried heavily to do as well during the time. And during the reading at first, it is very easy to believe that he is. However, as you read more, you discover that Arbenz was not a communist. Rather, Arbenz was a victim of a monopolized corporation in Guatemala who were deeply displeased and unhappy with the agricultural reforms that Arbenz was making.

Arbenz took the presidency in 1951, after his predecessor and the first democratically elected president in Guatemala, Juan José Arévalo. Arbenz continued with the reformation and the liberal policies that Arévalo had started with. The most drastic of his changes and the one that Bitter Fruit placed the most emphasis on, was his changes in agriculture. Arbenz took the land and distributed it to the peasant populations so they could begin creating their own farms and build up some kind of wealth for himself. The land that was taken from corporations was reimbursed with bond options, valued at the estimated value that the corporations filed on their taxes. The United Fruit Company (UFCO) was extremely displeased, enough so that the company, American owned at the time, went to the United States Congress in an attempt to garner sympathy from the government and portray Arbenz as a communist, putting freedom and the ‘free world’ at risk. The UFCO was able to do this successfully, and the Eisenhower Administration approved for a covert operation to take place to stage a coup in Guatemala to rid the country of Communists and its ‘communist’ leader. 

Throughout the book you are introduced to many different people who took place in the forming of the coup, the most notable being John Peurifoy, the ambassador to Guatemala at the time, Arbenz himself, Edward Bernays who worked as a promoter for UFCO To boost its image and bolster support for the company, Castillo Armas who posed as the leader of the rebel forces and later as the president of Guatemala after Arbenz and Colonel Carlos Enrique Díaz who had taken over very briefly after Arbenz, Allen Dulles who oversaw the entire operation for the coup, and Colonel Albert Haney who was in charge of training those in the rebel forces and almost every aspect of the psychological warfare that was waged on Guatemala. 

The number of people who played into the overthrow of Arbenz was absurd, and arguably only increased once the United States decided that it would rather play rough than let ‘communism in Guatemala’ continue to prevail. Arbenz himself never actually claimed to have a political party, and those who were Communists in his department were few in number. “Communists numbered about 26 in the 350-member staff of the National Agrarian Department, the government agency in which they had the strongest influence.” None ever held high ranking positions where they could exert as much influence as the United States and UFCO was making them out to be doing. “No more than seven or eight Communists ever held significant sub-cabinet posts, and neither Arévalo nor Arbenz ever appointed a single Communist to his cabinet.” That did nothing to deter the United States from posting propaganda around Central America and the neighboring countries around Guatemala, in the United States, and in Guatemala against Arbenz, labeling him and his followers as Communists, demanding that they be ousted and that Armas replaced Arbenz, declaring Armas as the better leader with the people's best interests at heart. Eventually, this intensive campaign and the tactics of psychological warfare waged on the citizens of Guatemala worked and Arbenz resigned from the presidency, his appointed commander following shortly after as Armas took the reigns.  

After reading the description I just laid out for you, as well as the book itself, it is possible to believe that it is all historical fiction. Even while reading it, it sounds like something you might hear in a dramatic thriller or in a television series, but it was real. This book is a historical recounting of the events of America’s involvement in Guatemala to try and purge the country of its communists. Perhaps the first intentions were just to the UFCO and to get its footing back into the Guatemalan government, but it ended with full intentions and full belief that if the United States did not put someone they could easily manipulate into the government that it would be taken over by Communists that would ‘infect’ the surrounding countries. 

Despite the book seemingly being laid out as a dramatic thriller, it keeps you interested and invested in the retelling of the story. The face-paced style makes Bitter Fruit feel real and intense. The style makes it easier to twist your emotions and opinions, showing you different perspectives from both the Guatemalans and the Americans, though overall it holds a much more sympathetic tone with Guatemala than it does with America. It paints a picture that is hard to ignore, a picture you wish to share with other people rather than hideaway on your bookshelf with the rest of your books you will only read once and then never think about again. Bitter Fruit shows the untold story in Guatemala, the one that was kept secret from the American public for so long because it never resulted in a happy ending. It resulted in a government that struggled to pull itself back together and is still struggling to do so to this day. The United States government hardly received any reprimand for their actions in Guatemala besides protests from Latin American students, though they were largely forgotten, unfortunately. Because of the style that Schlesinger and Kinzer use, and the things that they point out throughout the book, they do a more than the effective job of laying out the story and timeline of the coup as well as truly proving that it is time to go back and have a reappraisal of American policies within the western hemisphere.  

As more information comes out this book will likely be updated and changed to fill in gaps in the timeline better, but Schlesinger and Kinzer did an amazing job with what was available to them. More people deserve to know the truth about the coup in Guatemala that was incited by the United States, and the more that people read Bitter Fruit the more likely it is we can bring attention to the issue and it will become more likely that we will finally get all of the information.  My Take: Overall, I did like the book. It was a struggle to get through in the beginning, but it was a good recounting of history. It’s written in an easy to understand manner most of the time and keeps a good pace. I will admit that I read this for one of my courses, but it is definitely one of the better assigned books that I have read before.  I give it a 7/10 stars for the actual writing and structure of the book. HOWEVER, I think that everyone should read this story if they get the chance. It is worth the read and will no-doubt be perfect for anyone who enjoys learning about the history of the United States or of Latin America.  If you would like to get Bitter Fruit, it’s available for purchase here.