#The horrors of everyone staring at you because you publicly did something dumb.

[forever-rogue]

IMAGINE Javi saying one of his many fuck mes and you (a shy secretary that tries to stay out of everyone’s way and blushes anytime Javi or Steve talks to you and Javi has thought you cute but usually forgets about you until today) hear him and say gladly under your breath. He overhears and flirts with you the rest of the day till he takes you at work

I got…a little carried away. Oops? Enjoy 😏 (PS -18+ only!)

»»————-　♡　————-««

You sighed lightly as you typed away, the clicking of the aging type writer keys starting to get to you. But it was better than nothing; besides the ticking of the clock, it was the only sound keeping you company. It was a slow day and for once there wasn’t much to occupy your time, so you had resorted to doing the menial paperwork you’d been putting off. You swore it made the time go by slower. Positive it must have been nearing five, or it surely should have been anyway, you allowed yourself to glance up.

A long groan immediately escaped your lips as you saw that it had been only about fifteen minutes since the last time you checked the clock. Impossible, you sighed internally, something must be wrong with it. Checking the fine gold watch on your wrist, you let out an even louder groan when you realized that it displayed the same time as the wall clock. This place had to be cursed or something.

Maybe you could sneak out early today and go for a walk…or something. It was a beautiful, sunny, perfectly warm day, and it felt like a shame to remain indoors doing practically nothing. But you knew that you’d never be allowed to leave early in case an important call came through. As if. The phone hadn’t rang a single time today.

But just before you could turn back to your paperwork, the sound of annoyed voices and quickly shuffling feet met your ears. You perked up at the sound, excited at the possibility of seeing some people today. Yeah, it had been a really boring day, and you hadn’t seen hide nor hair of many people. You stopped typing and trying to discern the voices as they neared.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Murphy,” ah yes, the unmistakable, annoyed tones of one Javier Pena, “she’s out of her damn mind.”

“We have to do this her way for once, Javi,” Steve’s exasperated response made you want to giggle, “we’ve got at least try and stay on her good side.”

“Fuck,” Javier seemed beyond annoyed as they rounded the corner and came into your view. You gave them both a small smile as they turned to walk into their shared office space. They’d been out doing field work for most of the day, and you were glad to have them back. They provided some form of amusement anyway, and listening to them bicker like children was fun at times, especially when they asked to settle things for them and pick a side.

“Hey,” they both turned to give you a wave as you repeated the gesture before dropping your head as a blush crept into your cheeks. There was always something about the way Javier’s dark eyes raked over you that made you feel like a giddy school girl.

Steve struggled with opening the door and Javier was clearly impatient as he watched his partner. He ran a hand over his tired face before letting out loud, “fuck me!”

You were biting on your bottom lip so hard to keep from giggling out loud, sure you would draw blood at any second. Instead you intently stared at the keys, but before you could knew what was happening or you could manage to stop yourself, you whispered, “gladly. Any day.”

Freezing in horror as you realized what you had done, your eyes widened as you glanced up to see if either of them had overheard you. It had meant to be a completely internal monologue with yourself, but somehow…fate, or whatever you wanted to call it, had a different idea. If Steve or Javi had overheard you, they didn’t indicate that anything had happened. Instead, Steve had finally managed to open the door and they went inside. Letting out a sigh of relief, you were sure that you were in the clear. It couldn’t have been more than a mere whisper, probably inaudible to anyone but yourself.

But it wasn’t. Oh no. Javier was astute as ever, and he had impeccable hearing. He heard you loud and clear, a little smirk working its way onto his face at your words. But he played it off, knowing that it hadn’t been intentional. No; you were much too sweet and demure to have ever said something like publicly. But now he knew that you reciprocated his feelings. Who would have thought?

»»————-　♡　————-««

As the dull morning turned into the afternoon, you thought you were going delirious from the monotony. But a figure soon cast a shadow over your work, and you looked up slowly, hoping it wouldn’t be the ambassador or anything. To your surprise and internal delight, it had turned out to be Javier. You gave him a small smile as you leaned back in your chair, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Do you want to go and get a coffee?” he asked as he perched himself on the edge of your desk, waiting you closely. You tried not to let your eyes linger for too long…but it was hard. Especially when he was wearing his tightest jeans and that damned pink button up.

“A coffee?” you repeated as he nodded. You knew what he meant, but decided to play dumb, feeling an odd rush of courage flood through your veins, “I’m perfectly fine to go and walk into the kitchen and get myself some of this gourmet bean water.”

“You know what I mean,” he smirked as he gave your long cold coffee from this morning a dismal once over, “you really gonna finish that?”

“As if,” you joked, pushing it a little further away from you, “what? Is Murphy too busy to be your date?”

“I don’t know,” he asked, taking a look back into his office briefly, “didn’t ask.”

“Oh?”

“That’s because I’m asking you,” he raised an eyebrow at you and you swore you could easily melt in your seat. Why did he have to have this type of effect on you, “don’t really care about him right now. So, what do you say?”

“Right now?”

“Of course,” he laughed, “I don’t get the impression that you’re terribly immersed in your work right now. We can’t get out for a little bit…go for a walk. A shame to waste to a beautiful day inside, no?”

“I-”

“You’re not going to miss anything. I guarantee it.”

“But-”

“It’s just a coffee, hermosa, it’s not a lifetime commitment.”

“Why me?”

“Why not you?” he posed as you let out an exasperated sigh. He wouldn’t let this go, of course he wouldn’t. He gave you such a sweet look, that you just knew he knew that you wouldn’t say no. But…this was Javier. Should you really trust him? You did, fully…but should you?

“Okay,” you agreed, trying to fight off the smile that was threatening to break your face. Javier slid of your desk and beckoned for you to follow, “wait? Right now?”

“No time like the present,” he insisted as you stood up and followed him, shaking your head in amusement. You reached for your purse but he shook his head, “don’t bother.”

“Why? It’s not like this is a date.”

“It can be whatever you want,” always so cryptic with his responses, and aloof. You weren’t sure how to respond, not wanting to make more of this than it was. But then again…what did you want it to be? Before overthinking it, you tucked your purse back inside your drawer and stepped around to follow him, “new dress?”

“I..yeah…how did you…?”

“I like it,” he gaze lingered on you for a moment longer than necessary, and you weren’t sure if you were glad you wore the new dress or loathing yourself. It had been a warm morning, and the office didn’t exactly have the best cooling system, so you had worn it mostly to not become a sweat soaked mess, but this…wasn’t so bad either. You had wondered at first if it was even work appropriate, thinking it might have shown a little too much cleavage. Maybe it was just right after all, “the color suits you.”

“Thanks Javi,” you started to head out, hoping he didn’t see the flush of your cheeks as you bowed your head. He noticed. He most definitely noticed. But what neither of you noticed was Steve from inside the office, still stuck on a call and waving wildly at you guys as you just walked away. Javier hadn’t mentioned a word to him. Oops. Steve closed his eyes and sighed as he sat back down. Typical Javi.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Coffee and a walk with Javier ended up being…pleasant, fun even. He was ever the gentleman, paying for your coffee (and dessert) making you laugh the entire time. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had smiled so much; he couldn’t either. He ended up suggesting a walk in one of his favorite spots in the city, a hidden little gem that you’d never seen before. It was a beautiful escape from the hustle of the city, a lush green little escape.

He ended up doing most of the talking, which you didn’t mind one bit. You could have listened to him for hours with that warm, honeyed voice. It just…hit different. A few times his hand had brushed against yours and while it momentarily crossed your mind that you should take a step to the side to give him space, you didn’t do that. You kind of…liked the feeling of his rough hand against yours. He didn’t mind either; you knew all the brushes couldn’t have been accidental.

By the time you’d gotten back to the office, you were sad to end your little outing. To go back to the monotony of work after such a lovely time was surely a sin. But unfortunately, soon enough, you were back at your desk, eyes feeling like they were glazing over from boredom. When Javi had stepped back into his and Steve’s office, you immediately heard Steve start to give Javi the third degree. You couldn’t hold back the small bits of laughter that bubbled up at the two men. They were worse than children sometimes. Javier caught your eye and made a dramatic face as just shrugged your shoulders.

»»————-　♡　————-««

And so your week carried on, just as dull and dry as Monday had been. Surely it had to be the slowest and most painful week of your entire career in Colombia. It appeared that everyone, even the criminals on your radar had taken a siesta as soon as the first bits of spring weather hit.

The only reprieve from the boredom came in the form of…Javi. Not that Javi hadn’t been friendly with you before - on the contrary. He had always been kind to you, treating with respect and as a friend, not just some secretary. But this week things seemed different, even more friendly than normal. It wasn’t an unwelcome change by any means, but it caught you completely off guard.

You had a fresh cup of coffee, the real stuff not the weak instant stuff from the kitchen, and a pastry waiting for you every morning. No note was attached, but one wasn’t required. You knew it immediately it was from Javi; he always managed to catch your eye and gave you a wink whenever you got in.

It was almost like he made it a point to find a reason to step out of his office whenever he had a chance, always coming by your desk to make some comment to you. You knew he didn’t have to step out to go to the bathroom that often, that he didn’t need anything from the kitchen every hour, but you didn’t question it. It was nice to have someone to shoot the breeze with, instead of falling asleep.

Friday still rolled around slowly, and by the time noon had approached you were allowing yourself to feel slightly excited. Soon enough you’d be able to escape the office and go home and drink that bottle of wine you’d been saving all week. It wasn’t particularly exciting, but it was better than sitting around and being bored to tears.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Javier pulled you out of your little daydream and back in reality as he leaned over your desks, his face mere inches from yours. You tried not to completely lose at his close proximity, but it was hard to stare at his handsome face, or how good he smelled.

“Nothing,” you admitted sheepishly and he raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to go on, “just thinking about how excited I am to get out of here and have the weekend off.”

“Oh? Exciting plans?” he asked and you almost burst into laughter.

“If by exciting plans you mean sitting on my couch and watching movies and drinking wine, then yes,” you answered with a shrug as he seemed to relax a little bit, a bit of tension leaving his face, “what about you? Any…exciting rendez-vous?”

“No,” he grimaced a little bit, and you wondered what was going on in his head, “but I was…do you want to go out tonight?”

“What?” your jaw dropped at his words. Surely you had heard him wrong. Surely he meant to ask someone other than you.

“Do you,” he pointed directly at you, “want to go out with me?”

“Ugh,” you started to panic a little bit as you realized what he was asking, “like…”

“A date,” he finished for you, a bit of amusement coloring his features, “I’ll break it down even further, hermosa, I, Javier, am asking you, Y/N, if you would like to go out to dinner tonight, as a date and not just friends.”

You were positive you were blushing like mad as you hid your face behind your hands. You didn’t know what you prompted this, or all the attention he had been showering you with this week, but it had warmed your soul. At first you thought it might be some sort of joke, or something, but you knew Javi would never do that. He was a better man than that. Javi let out a warm laugh at your sudden shyness, reaching for your hands and pulling them away from your face, giving you a curious glance as he anticipated your response. You bit your lip but nodded before quietly voicing your agreement, “yes…that sounds lovely.”

“Great,” he grinned at you, gently drumming his fingers along your desk, “it’s a date then. We can go when we’re off.”

“Aren’t you off later than I am?”

“I’m off whenever I want to be,” he was getting cheeky as he shot you a wink, “so I’ll be off whenever you are.”

“Whatever you say, Agent Peña,” you teased, “I’ll find you when I’m off.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but he was quickly interrupted by Steve shouting for him…again. It wasn’t lost on him at all how much Javier seemed to frequent your desk lately, making many more stops than possibly necessary. Normally he wouldn’t say anything, but for the first time all week, they actually had something to do.

“I’ll see you soon, hermosa,” it was more of a promise than a statement and he walked back in, already shaking his head at Steve. You let out a small sound of delight, only to yourself, as you turned your attention back to work. How were you possible going to focus on doing anything else when you actually had something to look forward to?

»»————-　♡　————-««

By the time you were finished for the day, you gathered your things and looked for Javi. He was still in his office, on a call, an annoyed expression etched on his features. Steve on his way out, to which Javier only responded with him flipping him the bird. He gave you a wave on the way out and stood in the door way of their office, leaning against the door.

“Javi,” you called his name softly and he looked up at you, giving you a sorry look as he pointed at the phone cradled between his shoulder and ear. You nodded in understanding and strolled over to him, sitting down on the edge of his desk, just as he’d done to you all week. His eyes widened in surprise, but a different kind of look soon worked its way onto his features.

You were wearing a dress again, similar to the one from earlier in the week; this one was purposely chosen, cherry picked to catch his eye. Which it had, causing him to almost break his neck as he did a double take when you arrived in the morning.

Swinging your legs back and forth, you waited for him to finish, unsure of how much longer he would take. But Javi had other plans, naturally. He put a hand your calf, causing you to falter your motions in surprise for a moment, before slowly bringing his hand up to your thigh, just under the soft fabric of your dress. At first his brashness surprised you, but then, what surprised you even more, was the fact that you didn’t want him to stop. Instead you placed your hand on top of his and slowly slid it further up your leg, bringing it closer and closer to your heat.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched, trying to make sure you knew what you were starting. You eyes never left his as you settled his hand at the apex of your thighs. You had no clue what suddenly possessed to be so bold. Here you were, in the open were anyone could walk in, shamelessly wanting Javi to touch you.

Javi slowly slipped your panties to the side, dragging a long finger through your folders, a wicked look crossing his features when he realized how wet you were already. For him. You rocked your hips slightly against his fingers, silently encouraging him to do more, to touch you as much as he wanted.

“I’ve ugh…I’ve got to go…something just came up,” he said suddenly as he practically slammed the phone back down on the receiver. You let out a soft sound as he added another finger and started touching your sensitive bundle of nerves, “you’re going to be the death of me, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you joked as you gave him your best, innocent doe eyes. He made a small sound, akin to a growl as he pulled removed his fingers from you. You huffed lightly at the loss, a small sound escaping your lips. Quickly he placed his large hands on your hips, wasting no time in pulling you into his lap. You grinned up at him with a quickly little smile, “hello there.”

“You’re a little minx, aren’t you?” he asked as you put your hands on the sides of his face, tracing gently over his features, just like all the times you had imagined doing so in your wildest dreams. He watched you with curiosity, amazed by the combination of both your boldness and gentleness. He grabbed one of your hands and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles, “but also a gentle thing. What a combination.”

“Just like you,” you responded, leaning forward and resting your forehead against his, closing your eyes to savor the moment. He rested a hand on your back, tracing aimless shapes and patterns onto your skin. You grinned slightly, “Javi.”

“I really want to go to dinner,” he said quietly, his lips brushing against yours, the tickle of his mustache making you grin, “but ugh…”

You shifted slightly in his lap, and knew exactly what he was referring as his hardness became evident. Unable to control yourself at all, you pressed a surprisingly gentle kiss to his lips, “dinner can wait. How about dessert first?”

“Right here?” he almost choked on the words as you nodded. It was bold, even for him. But somehow the thrill of it all, the idea of being caught was enough to drive him wild. Slowly standing up, earning a low groan from him, you walked over to the door and closed it, locking it before closing the blinds.

“Don’t you want some dessert, Javi?”

[burnedbyshoto]

Renewed

pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warning: cursing, character death (you and me)

word count: 2,173

a/n: this is part two to replacement, read and let me know what you think! I would mcfucking love it to scream about your ideas and opinions :D forgot to add, no there is no part 3

Synopsis: When the beautiful hero Creati dies what emerges from the ashes of her end is anything but beautiful.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

The winds of the outside world spoke softly as they flowed into an empty apartment. Why the window was open, to begin with, was unknown, the world was too cold, too harsh for any window to be open. But if you looked closely, if you concentrate just as much, smoke billowed out of the window and panicked breathing could be heard.

It mattered not to Todoroki Shouto how cold the outside world was because he was always colder. As tears poured from his eyes he couldn’t remember why he was feeling this way. 

Was it because Momo or was it because of you.

It couldn’t be you, that was pathetic of him to believe.

Momo was the love of his life, the reason why he was able to overcome his past. Momo wasn’t pushy and let him overcome his demons at a slow pace, the battles he fought took years when he was with her, and every step of the way she never faltered in her smiling personality. Momo was an angel in both life and in the afterlife. But you? 

You were everything that Momo wasn’t.

Brash and down to the point. You challenged his every move making him think about the decisions he made, making him own up to the things he’s done, correcting his behavior so that it would take weeks to overcome and not years.

There was no goddamn reason for him to be missing you, not more than Momo.

His eyes focused on the white air expelling from his breath and Shouto finally realized that he was cold. His eyebrows came together as chills sank into his bones. Shouto knew what coldness was, he’s given himself frostbite and hypothermia from his quirk before. He knew the cold like it was a friend, but this was a different cold, a cold that he had forgotten about.

It chilled his skin and made it hard for him to breathe, his body trembled as he could only remember your tear-filled eyes, the defiant yet exhausted tint to them that he would always associate with you. This was the cold he recognized as the bitterness he had been familiar with throughout his childhood. The frost of not having you around him, the stabbing horror of loneliness.

He stood to his feet, his head spinning as he stumbled to the window. The metal steaming against his fingers as he closed the window. His eyes closed as he pressed his forehead against the glass and he trembled.

This wasn’t coldness, no Todoroki Shouto didn’t get cold after all. This was a question of who he missed more: Momo or you?

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

“I’m sorry sweetie,” Uraraka mumbled as she gave you a large shirt to wear.

You nodded numbly as you held the soft material to your chest.

You hadn’t been broken up with Shouto for more than twenty-four hours and yet your breakup was being broadcasted through every national TV and tabloid. You really did hate Western influences sometimes, you were a pro hero, not some celebrity who needed her private life exposed.

The air of Uraraka’s apartment was too quiet for your liking, the only noise you could hear was her air diffuser in the other room. Your tongue ran against your chapped lips, your fingers fisting into the shirt as you hated the way she was staring at you.

“If you want to say it, just get it out already,” you snapped as you began stripping out of your wet clothes and into the pajamas she had loaned you. There was no reason to be shy or nervous, this was just another day in the UA locker rooms.

“Say what, y/n?”

“‘I told you so.’” you rushed as you pulled the cotton t-shirt over your head. You frowned as you looked up at your friend, “This relationship with Todoroki… it was a mistake, a dumb idea, and you told me that.”

Uraraka’s eyebrow quirked as a small frown played against her lips, “Was it?”

Heated anger flashed through your body as you glared down at your feet, “Yes, it was.”

“How so?”

Hot and angry tears welled into your eyes as you looked back up at Uraraka who looked curious, her arms now folded as she stared at you. Her brown eyes taunting you almost as if she knew the answer but you were some child who needed to be scolded and to be able to figure out the answer yourself.

“Because I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t healed from Momo’s death yet, and I still… I wanted Todoroki still, like some fucking dumbass middle schooler,” you hiss out, your hands fisting at your chest. “I fucking slept with him on the first date which wasn’t even supposed to be a date! He was hurting and I was too! I let myself go because I wasn’t fucking thinking like a rational person, but this desperate horny little girl who’s crush finally fucking acknowledged her!”

“Y/n--”

“No--!” your hands slam up with your fingers spread-- “And then because we were caught we-- we decided we had to be in a relationship! Not because Todoroki liked me but because that scandal wouldn’t be as fucking catastrophic! I knew that he never fucking liked me but since he never left I thought maybe he did! Then every goddamn critic started accusing me of killing Momo, like-- as if I would ever do that! Todoroki never publicly addressed it, and he would only comfort me in private! How the fuck is this not an I told you so situation?!”

Uraraka stared at you, her eyes wide, scared almost. Of what she was scared of you had no idea but the pit in your stomach told you that it was you.

“Say it,” you hoarse as you look at her, exhaustion running rampant through your body as tears poured down your face. You had no idea why you were crying, was it for her or for you or for Momo.

“She told you to take care of him, and although it was-- it ended disastrously, that doesn’t mean you didn’t do it,” Uraraka stepped towards you, her hands taking your trembling fist in hers. “She was your best friend, and you had to not only manage her death on your own, but she asked you to take care of Shouto-kun who was as far gone as you were. I mean yeah, I didn’t want you ever going on that date or dating him, but it happened. It wasn’t the healthiest in the beginning, but I thought you t-two were finally healing together…”

Your eyes snapped to Uraraka crying face as she rubbed falling tears from her rosy red cheeks, “If anything, g-get mad at me, I was the one who thought you two were going to be happy together.”

“I can’t do that,” you whisper as you hug your crying friend, “but he’ll be happy one day… I’m replaceable after all.”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Before you could fully realize it, it was nine months after breaking up with Todoroki.

Taking an entire month off of work you had gone to therapy, working with professionals to make sure you had finally gotten onto a healthy path of healing three years after Momo’s death. The mention of her name no longer hurt you, nor did it make your stomach shrivel up at the thought of her. 

Things, while not perfect, were looking up.

Urakaka, Midoriya, and Iida had gone to retrieve your items from Todoroki’s apartment. 

While replaceable, you realized that you couldn’t replace everything you owned. Somethings were too costly, others had too many memories linked with them and so you didn’t want to see them go. 

The rumors of you killing Momo had finally dissolved as Todoroki finally addressed everything and clips of the horrible day had to -- once again -- be reviewed to shut everyone up once and for all. 

So far you had been able to successfully move on from everything except a confrontation with Todoroki. Despite everything you felt too nervous and shameful to see him again, while you didn’t have any regrets about leaving him that night, you felt childish about it. You didn’t seek him out, and you believed he didn’t look for you. As you can imagine any future class event would forever be awkward. 

But time went on even if you didn’t want it to. 

Your sight was blocked as the brown paper bags obstructed your vision. Grocery shopping was one of the most disastrous things in the world, in your honest opinion. 

You grunted as you tried to balance the many bags in your arms, the keys to your apartment stabbing at the air as you tried to find the lock. 

“Y/n?” A voice called for you and you froze, turning around you saw Todoroki standing there. He was dressed in casual clothes his hair pushed back in the way you liked it to be, it seemed that he had the day off too. 

“Um, hi?” Your cheeks twitch into an uncomfortable smile as you turn back to stab at the air, the need to unlock the door much higher than it had been before. 

“Can we… can we talk?” He asked you and you turned your back to him, the key inserted into the lock and you unlocked it and walked in. 

“Depends on what you want to talk about,” you hum as you look at him.

“Us.”

Your throat tightened as if on instinct. Were you healthy enough to have a conversation with him? Your lips twisted as you stared at him. You were healthy, you were renewed and ready to face the last thing on your list.

“Come on in,” you say completely walking into your apartment and Todoroki was hot on your heels. 

The air was intense, goosebumps and chills rampant through your skin as you made Todoroki a cup of tea as you put things away. 

“I wanted to apologize,” Todoroki began and you passed him the steaming cup of green tea. “For that last day especially.”

“It’s okay,” you smile thinly, there was tension in it as you remembered how heartbroken you were that night. “We’re both still alive.”

“Yeah,” he muttered looking down, “I’m just— I’m sorry for how I behaved that night. I was cruel and cold to you and there was no need for that.”

Your teeth bit into your lower lip as you nodded, “Well, we both are very emotional reacting people…”

A huff of amused air escaped his nose as he brought the steaming cup to his lips, “That we are.”

The two of you fell into silence as you watched Todoroki drink his tea, you always thought him being able to drink all his fluids at the perfect temperature at once was such a blessing. 

“I realized that I was using you from the very beginning,” Todoroki gasped as he placed down the mug. Your eyes trained on him as his eyes looked over you, they were so intense, they were the eyes of a man who’s been through so much despite being less than twenty-five. “You weren’t wrong when you said I thought of you as a replacement for Mo— Yaoyorozu, because i’m the beginning you were. I needed a distraction, someone who was like her without being her—“

“So you used me,” you laugh humorlessly, your hands folded in front of you. “I mean, I can’t be mad, because I used you too.”

Todoroki expelled another puff of air as he nodded, “I know… I don’t feel proud at all, but we both suck at coping—“ you smiled in agreement— “But it’s been three years since she passed, it’s been ten months since we broke up and… it fucking sucks. I don’t understand why I still feel the way I do, and I know I shouldn’t because I don’t deserve to feel this way. I should be able to move on but I can’t!”

A chill ran down your spine as you straightened up, “Todoroki—“

“In the beginning I wished that I could bring her back, that there was something I could do to bring her back—“

“Shouto—“

“But I don’t want her back anymore! Every time I wish there was someone by my side I want it to be you, because I’ve realized—”

“Don’t say something you’ll regret,” you heave. Your heart roars in your ears as the two of you stare at each other. The air is electric, your body trembles, and the renewed you comes crashing down. 

The sweet summer air drafts in as you stumble to your feet as Todoroki stares at you. For once his eyes are cleared and the word’s that pass his lips are the truth, his words are a reality you didn’t know how to comprehend. Your head dropped as tears welled in your eyes once more as you sink to your knees sobbing and he’s quick to surround you, his arms immediately wrapping around you.

“I’m in love with you, y/l/n y/n.”

[cleverbroadwayurl]

WHEN I WAS OLDER (Jeremy Heere x Reader Pt. 24)

Song: WHEN I WAS OLDER by Billie Eilish 

Word Count: 5708

Need to Catch Up? Check my masterlist, Tumblr is dumb! 

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long, I have to move and stuff!! But here’s the new part, and I’m hoping for some exciting things that go with this fic soon! 

Taglist: @macbookpro-hard-drive​ @catatonic-kuragin​ @retrogarden​ @be-more-heidi-hansen​ @scarsonthecuffsofyourjeans​ @stargirl-murphy​ @heytheredee-lilah​ 

Trigger Warnings: An abusive boyfriend, implications of PTSD, language, mentions of abuse, mentions of previous fic parts, LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED SOMETHING 

“I know.” You nod one last time before you finally meet his gaze. For the first time that night, you smile at him, genuinely through the pain and tears as they subside. Your hand reaches out, and he takes it, knowing that for right now, that is all you want, and right now, that is enough.

Amongst his messy room, Jeremy sat on his bed, staring at the wall, reflecting on the evolution of you two; knowing that dating you—something that seemed like climbing Everest before—for a month and a half was a special thing. His fingers danced across his knee, feeling the texture of his jeans, rough and rigid, but causing the right level of softness. His heart flutters as his mind goes over each date, each flutter from before, and every moment in between. His thoughts skated along the warm feelings as daydreams became reality, except without the help and destruction of some artificial intelligence that masked the idea of world domination with sexual tension and manipulation.

Of course, the relationship was kind of kept under tabs while you two still figured some stuff out: everything from feelings to baby steps into publicly revealing that you two were actually dating. He liked the secrecy; it was thrilling with a breath of calm somehow at the climax of it all. With you, it was like everything that came with being wildly secret and yet a moment of calm. Staying in the shadows was rather easy when it was just you two—playing games as the sun set into darkness, shiny stars coming out that would cause a craving to go out and see them within both of you. And it didn’t matter if you didn’t know the real constellations, making them up was just as fun and spectacular.

Although that part was fun, it was odd to not go out to dinner with you and to not have the ability to show you off on social media. It wasn’t that he thought of you like you were an object, or his like he owned you, it was that it might cause a tsunami of trouble that was going to be a rude awakening for the both of you. Staying in the tranquility and excitement of secrecy was worth it with you. That, and being “Facebook Official” had become overrated by the time he actually managed to start dating. It felt like an invasion, and with yours being newly brought back down to not showing your relationship status, a stark difference from what everyone was used to, it just…wasn’t right to betray you like that. Being secret meant saving calm moments for each other; being safe. While he didn’t completely understand why you were seemingly scared of the online world, Jeremy had to admit to himself that he at least had the common sense to respect your wishes—if you didn’t want to post anything because it invaded your sense of security, your comfort, he wouldn’t even suggest it until the two of you felt ready for that step.

With the idea that you didn’t want to go public at first caused Jeremy’s heart to sink, insecurity pulling him under the current and filling his lungs with water. You didn’t enjoy spending time with him—he was an embarrassment. But that wasn’t the case, not with you. At the moment, it was like you’d been scripted, you had known just what to say to him. But after some thought and some mentions of it to his therapist, he took a second to realize that your wishes weren’t about him—well, at least not with your relationship with him—but his safety. It was about keeping him okay for a little while longer.

He couldn’t help being insecure, though. You were just so cute and after months of pining, wishing that you could just be safe with him, it was almost like he was stuck in a dream that he didn’t want to wake up from. It felt like this was just a good dream before the storm comes: the good part in the horror movies before the monster shows up. But you’d reassured him, blush on your face, light in your eyes. You’d kissed his cheek, after asking of course, before looking back at him, explaining that you wished that things were easier. You’d mentioned something under your breath about corrupting him, but Jeremy dismissed that. He’d already been corrupted. If anything, you were going through and restoring him.

With that memory ingrained in his mind, Jeremy gets up from his bed, feet pattering against the floor. It was early enough that wearing a t-shirt seemed too cold. He grabbed a hoodie that he would probably end up regretting, as you two were getting early lunch, followed by walking around a plaza before hitting a Starbucks, or rather, a Pokestop, and heading home, whether together or not he didn’t know quite yet. But the surprise made it all the more wonderful. It was relaxed with you two usually, and with this being the first-ever outing as a couple in public was enough to send shivers down Jeremy’s spine. Just as he was about to grab his phone from the desk, it dings as a text from you popped up:

You: Hey, my mom just asked if we could pick some stuff up so she can make some dinner for tonight. Is it okay if we stop at the organic grocery store around there? I’ll buy your coffee

He smiles, feeling his heart swell within his chest, meeting and filling every millimeter of his chest cavity, red painting his cheeks as if he had been created by someone from the Royal Academy. The grocery store that your mom wanted you two to go to was within the plaza, just at one end, near the Starbucks and Cold Stone. Maybe you’d let him buy you Cold Stone. He shook the thought from his head before typing back, fingers accelerating with every letter he typed:

Jeremy: Sure, we can stop there! And don’t worry about the coffee, I’m just excited to spend some time together

You: You’re very cheesy, but you’ve got yourself a deal, Heere You: I’ll drive

It’s a solid 30 minutes before you pick him up, which of course meant a solid 30 minutes of Jeremy pacing around, double-checking that he looked presentable and that he had everything in his pocket: everything from his wallet to his house keys just in case he came home to an empty house. His phone stayed gripped in his hand, waiting for a text from you to tell you that you were there to pick him up. The minutes pass by slowly, and then faster as he double checked everything once more. A ding comes once again through his phone, and he looks up, seeing your sibling’s car parked in the driveway, still running. He gets up and opens his front door, finally leaving into the public, almost as free as a bird. It’s almost like the scene from Life is Strange: Before the Storm, which Rachel Amber dashing out of class and into Chloe’s pickup, except this was real.

You smile at him as you put your phone down. The door unlocks and Jeremy opens the door, climbing into the seat and buckling his seat belt before smiling at you. Your face reddens as you greet each other, both of you living for the thrill of going out for the first time together. You hand wraps around your phone that was placed in the console, fingers gliding along the smooth glass surface before handing it to Jeremy, aux cord plugged in, but nothing playing. A soft “you choose” escapes you as you flick the car into reverse, contorting to look out the back window as you back out onto the street. It’s in the moment that Jeremy realizes you’ve never driven him, driving never really being part of the experience. The car locks automatically, and there’s a comfort and wonder that washes over him. You two were less than a foot apart, the car is narrow and small enough that he was sure you two would bump shoulders. It was close, not that either of you minded, but it felt like a new kind of intimacy was being established.

Jeremy, of course, had never actually been in your sibling’s car, but he picked the music and the melodies came flowing through the speakers. The trees whizzed past, but your eyes remained on the road, scanning each marking, each sign, each light near and on the street. You had already known the way to go, but it felt so…mechanical. You changed lanes with ease, before you stole at a glance at Jeremy, mouth being painted into a smile. “What are you looking at?” you giggled, eyes still shifting between the road and him.

“Oh,” Jeremy started, flustered as his cheeks became red, ever embarrassed that you’d been staring again. “You.”

You chuckled, leaning forward a little bit as you did so before stopping at a stoplight and looking at Jeremy full on. “You’re really in a cheesy mood today, huh?”

He became redder but still managed to answer somewhat confidently. Speak the truth even if your voice shakes, right? “It’s because you’re cute.”

“Thank you, Jeremy,” you smile at him before your eyes return to the road, the light turning green and the car gliding into motion. “You’re cute too, especially when you blush because you’re being a sap.”

Jeremy can feel his cheeks burn, almost wanting to press his face against the window to prevent any more redness or heat rising to his cheeks and ears. The car turns into a parking lot, the largest part of it being on the left-hand side. Your eyes sneak around the parking lot, searching for a spot in the back, but not too far away from the grocery store that you two needed to go to. You swiftly whipped the wheel around, but not enough to jerk the car or make Jeremy gasp. You pull in, spinning the wheel and letting it relax like it was a dance you’d done many times in the past. Finally, the car stopped, just short of the curb. You pulled the car into park, the parking brake on as you unbuckled your seat belt. You stopped the motion for a second before taking a look at Jeremy who had been mirroring your movements. “Did you maybe want to get food later? I feel like eating first might take a really long time, especially with the wait times and stuff.”

“Sure.”

“Cool.” You continue to gather your stuff before getting out of the car, Jeremy following you just moments behind. Both of you close the doors before you lock them. With a tug on the handle to make sure it was locked, both you and Jeremy stepped out into the plaza.

You two walked close to each other, nearly shoulder to shoulder but not touching one another. Respecting personal space was important to each of you in your own ways; it was an understanding that had been established before and several times. That, and being seen in public with you was already a leap, so as much as he wanted to, Jeremy didn’t dare try and imply anything was happening between you two. Jeremy shortens his step so you don’t have to feel like you’re jogging to keep up. It’s a little awkward at first, but the comfortable silence between you two made up for it. Just being around you was enough for Jeremy.

“Can I hold your hand?” your voice cuts through the silence and white noise of the people around you two, cars driving along the back roads, and dull sounds of restaurants and shops humming in life. You’d stopped, leaving Jeremy still walking in his thoughts. You smile at him, both of you stopped by now. Jeremy can feel his thoughts reeling back into are you crazy? What if someone sees us? Then you’ll be in trouble and I can’t take worrying about—but they stop as your smile widens at him. This moment, here, everything is different now. This isn’t about being friends and only friends, but you were asking because you were dating. This wasn’t as dire as it had once been. Jeremy can feel his face flutter into a wide smile, one to challenge yours before he nods his head. Your face looks a little unsure as Jeremy stands in shock, still nodding.

“Yes,” finally comes from him.

“That’s what I was looking for, Jeremy.”

You meet up with him, now standing side by side again. Your hand fits into his like a jigsaw puzzle. Both of you look away from each other, an attempt to hide the pink that seemed to swirl around you two. And then, just like that, the moment is gone as both of you relax into the contact. It’s a soft hold, one that celebrates the little intimacy, rather than one that grips for dear life. It’s here that Jeremy decides to let his thumb graze along the side of your hand, a soothing gesture he’d learned from Christine’s need to fidget. If he ever felt anxious or the need to move, it was a habit he had adapted into his regular life. That, and it was a comfort for whoever was receiving it. Within a few seconds of staring the action, Jeremy watched as your shoulders relaxed downwards. It was clear to him now that you’d been stressed about this, but things were working out in your favor. As they should.

The plaza stretches for probably half a mile, so after walking along the streets, window shopping and physically going into the store, the two of you end up at the Starbucks that almost seems like a hallway, the long bar counter full of people as they wait for their coffee or sip and multitask. You smile at Jeremy, face now calm and squeezing his hand ever so slightly, “Know what you want?”

“Yeah.”

So, the two of you stand in line, waiting patiently for a barista to take your order. It’s relaxing in the establishment, warm lights and aroma seeping its way into your experience of the place. A soothing tone comes over with the music coming through the speakers. Finally, one opens up and you both step up, telling the barista what you want. Before Jeremy can even pull out his wallet, you can scan your mobile rewards card before the barista smiles at you and you two step along to the end of the bar like counter. Jeremy inhales as you two plant yourself right by the pickup counter, your hand grazing against his. He takes it before looking at you. “I said you didn’t need to buy my coffee,” Jeremy says somewhat seriously, but with a hint of playfulness that expresses he isn’t mad, he’s just surprised that you went and did it anyway after he said he didn’t mind paying for it.

“I know, but I want the points. So now it’s like you’ll buy me a coffee because I was only 10 stars away from my free drink. So technically…”

Jeremy smiles to himself before shaking his head a little. “We both paid for our own coffees.”

“Exactly. It’s in the math, Jeremy.”

He chuckles at your antics, knowing that you’d come up with that reasoning yourself so you could get away with buying him coffee even though he’d said it was totally fine that you two had to run an errand for your mom. Jeremy adjust his sweatshirt with his other hand, playing with the drawstrings.

Pretty soon, your name is called and the coffees are given to you before heading out to the grocery store just across the large parking lot. It doesn’t matter that you two can’t hold hands as you two-handedly sip your drink, blowing into the cup to not burn your tongue. Jeremy stops, feeling stars in his eyes as he admires you sipping, his heart leaping out. You catch up with him a little bit, and Jeremy can’t help but admire how this situation feels so perfect after a year of imperfections making their way into his life, driving stakes into his happiness until it was almost dead; until it almost made him sick.

Within a few minutes, the two of you step into the store. A wind brushes over the two of you from the fans above the door, past the carts. Jeremy feels you tense up, even without the contact. Your arms come up and fold as the cool air from the store remains. You walk into the produce section as you pull up the list on your phone. Jeremy follows curiously, taking a peek at the list and only seeing about 5 items on it. You tense again as Jeremy watches a shiver run down your spine.

“Do you want my jacket?” Jeremy asks, already pulling his arms out of the sleeves of the light grey zip-up he’d been wearing pretty much all day.

“What? No, Jeremy, then you’ll be cold,” you note, observing him taking off his jacket.

“It’s fine, the A/C feels good.” It was a true statement. He’d been a little warm with the sweatshirt, the humidity, and the warm drink that sat in his grasp.

You sigh for a second, realizing that either you won’t going to win this little battle or becoming too cold to hold your pride. Jeremy takes off his sweatshirt and hands it to you. You grab it before giving Jeremy a very serious look, swinging the grey fabric around your shoulders. “Okay, but the second you get cold, I’m giving it back.”

Jeremy chuckles at you again before nodding, a small “yeah” falling from his lips, finally feeling the air conditioning against his own skin. Surprisingly, Jeremy didn’t feel cold for over 15 minutes. With him admiring you, standing on your tippy-toes to reach something on the shelf, switching the basket from arm to arm, before just handing it off to Jeremy so you could focus on what next while he could sit back and let you do your thing. He could feel his heart flutter as you scanned aisles, searching for the correct item, stepping in and out of areas before making a harsh stop and walking back, muttering an “I’m sorry, I don’t live in this area anymore,” to him as you did so. But Jeremy got it. He didn’t feel like the area was home anymore. It felt more like his childhood home. Your eyebrows furrowed on almost every item on the list, Jeremy feeling himself internally swoon as you did so with every passing purchase that was placed into the basket. His arm was starting to fall asleep from the harsh bars on the basket, but he didn’t mind, as long as you were comfortable.

And the trip itself, the one that kept him warm, was all of about 15 minutes. His body was loose and radiated heat as he watched you and dreamed of life years away, thinking about how this could be a regular occurrence. He could picture late nights of running to the store, moments after picking you up from the airport, promising you food as he pulled into the parking lot for late-night ice cream, early morning trips before events, shopping trips during busy times, coming here for you when you got sick or needed literally anything, even if it meant sacrificing his dignity. You turned to look at him, both of you gearing up to go to the checkouts, a smile burning itself into Jeremy’s brain.

“Ugh, I forgot this place has no self-checkouts,” you quietly mentioned, and Jeremy could hear the edge in your voice as you looked back at Jeremy, pulling out your wallet.

The line moved fairly quickly, and Jeremy finally was able to give himself a rest as he placed the green basket on the black belt, letting the technology do the work for him. As the basket moved up, so did you two. Before long, you were smiling at the cashier, a tall man with straight brunette hair. He couldn’t be older than you and Jeremy and was in a chipper mood as you took out a card to insert into the machine. Your eyes gazed around the store before you stiffened again. You were locked onto the windows that looked out into the parking lot, summer decorations covering the bars that held the windows together, a bulletin board stuck on the sides of it, little paper coloring pages covering it. Then you stiffened again, except this time causing your entire body to shake, eyes glazed over as you tried to center yourself back into reality. You started to mess up your words, seemingly unable to focus on anything, even though you’d worked retail for a while and knew exactly what to say to the cashier, you fumbled over each constant, each phrase. Your voice shook as you spoke in low hushed tones. Your face became pale like you were deathly ill in a matter of seconds. Your hands shook as you inserted your card into the reader, seemingly panicked as you did so.

His eyes scanned the decorations again, searching for some answers among the clip art coloring pages, hoping that something would jump out at him, that something would be the missing piece, the missing item to beat the boss. His eyes searched each piece of paper until his eyes fell on one. Your ex-boyfriend’s name was printed on it, marked in different colors with some cheap Microsoft 2007 font. It was on the bottom, near the edge of the window frame, but still there in broad florescent.

Jeremy mirrored your stiffening as denial hit him fast. Your ex-boyfriend had a common name in the area, maybe it was just a coincidence. Your ex-boyfriend also lived miles away from the store, so it wouldn’t make sense that he’d work here, at the store that was overpriced, miles away, and organic—things that Jeremy couldn’t see your ex supporting. It had to mean nothing.

Something tickled at the back of his brain, though. It was similar to the feeling right before you find a spider on the wall; something isn’t quite right. Jeremy tried to discreetly move his head around, finding himself searching for the thing that made him feel like that. It was fluid until he found it; Jeremy’s entire body turning as cold as January in an instant. There, one register away, was your ex-boyfriend bagging groceries and watching both of you out of the corner of his eye. His customer service smile was gone as he placed things in the bag, a stark contrast to the chipper employees that you’d both chosen to be rung up with. Just as your ex-boyfriend started to make full contact at Jeremy—who was definitely staring—the pinpad rang out, pushing out of the vacuum that seemed to be around him. He stole a glance at you, your hands still shaking as you put the card back in your wallet. Your eyes remained forward, your shoulders drooping and oh my god you were wearing Jeremy’s sweatshirt in front of the guy that thought you cheated on him with Jeremy.

Fear for your safety struck Jeremy’s heart as he managed to smile at the workers before picking up the bags himself. He thanked them and grabbed the receipt, putting it into the green plastic bag. You stumbled after him like a newborn giraffe, or a drunk college girl, off-balance and cautious. Jeremy held his other arm out so you could steady yourself as you practically tried to smoosh into him, wishing you were anywhere but there. He pulled you into him before whispering a single question in your ear, making sure that he was being quiet enough to not draw even more suspicion. “Can I wrap my arm around you?”

“Yes,” the word bolted from your mouth quietly, your voice already thick with tears. Jeremy mapped the way you’d have to walk out of the store, acknowledging that you would have to walk right past him if Jeremy had you walk on the right side. Instead of relying on his dominant hand, he wrapped his left arm around you, ensuring that you’d be on the safer side while Jeremy would probably get the worst of it. He kept the pace as you leaned into him, fear screaming from you so loud that Jeremy couldn’t believe more people weren’t rushing to help. For a second, Jeremy’s eyes met your ex-boyfriend’s as you two walked past, Jeremy remaining as stoic as your ex, knowing that the aftermath of this was going to be brutal. Jeremy can feel you shake against his skin, almost begging him to move faster and past this moment.

The second leaves and you two step out of the automatic doors. Your feet push you to be faster than Jeremy; his arm falling from keeping you close to a reassuring touch on your back. You pull the car keys out of your pocket, hands still shaking as you walk faster and faster to your car. With one click, it unlocks and you climb into the driver’s seat, hands white as you grip the keys. Jeremy goes into the passenger seat, leaving the food items on the floor by him while you focused on nothing outside. Your breathing stops being so accelerated, but you can’t bring yourself to even let go of the strong grip on your keys. The air settles for a second, death looming in the car before Jeremy finally speaks again, in an attempt to help you get to safety.

“Maybe I should drive.”

You don’t move or say anything for a second, acting like he isn’t there. Jeremy’s fear hits him—he’s too late, you’ve already gone into a flashback and panic so bad that you can’t even bring yourself to look at him. He’s seen this in himself, he knows how bad it is, but unfortunately, the moment’s before couldn’t be erased. So instead, Jeremy waits. He doesn’t dare move but lets you process every moment, every word, and what to do next. It’s another minute at least before you speak again. “Y-Yeah. You need to drive. I can’t do that right now.”

“Okay.” He stops for a second, letting things settle before he continues. “Do you want to switch seats?”

“I can’t feel anything from my eyes down, Jeremy.”

He nods, trying his hardest not to further disturb you or dig up anything worse than what was going on. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

It’s another 30 seconds at least of pure silence and stillness. The keys jingle first, and Jeremy realizes that you’d gain courage, that something is stirring within you so you can move enough to make the keys jingle. Your hand finds its way to the door handle, caution dripping in every action. The door opens and Jeremy begins to move, quickly going through the motions to meet you on the other side. You’re barely out of the car before Jeremy offers his hand, giving you structure and someone to lean on as he softly guides you to the passenger side. It’s sweet, but the moments of kindness are slipping away quickly—it’s hard to remain soft in such a sharp circumstance. You get situated in the seat after Jeremy opens the door for you, closing the door softly enough so you won’t flinch at the slamming door. He rushes to the other side, opening his own door before sliding in. His hand reaches out once he’s sitting with his seat belt buckled, almost asking for the keys that lay in your grip still, almost like they were the things that were going to keep you safe. There’s another moment of silence before Jeremy has no idea where he’s going. “Do you still want to get dinner?”

You shake your head slightly, still stuck on staring straight ahead. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I can’t…I can’t do that. I’m not hungry. I want to go home.”

Jeremy nods before starting the car as softly as he can. You don’t jump at the startup and relax under the hum the car creates. You’re silent for another second as Jeremy puts the car in gear, handling each moment against the car as smoothly as he can. Caution plagues him as he turns around to pull out of the parking lot. He moves the car slowly before finally putting the car in drive and heading out of the parking lot and back onto the road, back to safety. You sigh for a second, eyes now moving and scanning the trees.

“You know, talking uhh, talking helps. Not much, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. We can talk.” The words stumble out, but Jeremy almost can’t find something to talk about. His brain attempts to find something safe to talk about, something you’d be interested in enough to partake in the conversation—something that would distract you. His mind finally settles on something that he hadn’t thought about up until a month ago. “Uhh, I guess Christine made a new friend. She posted a photo on Instagram, I’m not really sure what it was about, but I think it’s good she’s making friends at college. That’s important, you know? I was worried that she’d be like…an outsider, being from New Jersey and stuff. She also mentioned to me that she hopes you’re doing well. I forgot to tell you before, but she’s rooting for you. I thought you’d like to know, since you two both kind of went out of state and have a lot in common, I guess.”

“Oh,” comes first, a little color returning to your cheeks. “Tell her thank you and that I hope she’s doing well, too.” Your eyes now trace the trees as they move past, relaxing a little bit into the scene. The seat is stiff as you lean back onto it, fingers beginning to relax. “Do you mind if I uhh pick the music? I don’t completely feel my hands again, but I think I can try that.”

“Absolutely.”

“Thanks.” It’s a slow process, a contemplation before your hand even moves. You decide to put on something soft and sweet, and to Jeremy, it sounds like a song from Waitress. He doesn’t ask about it, leaving the melodies undisturbed as he stops at a stoplight, just happy that you’re feeling more like yourself again. He can hear your breath deepen as your shoulders go down.

The rest of the car ride back to Jeremy’s house is silent, besides the music flooding through the car. It doesn’t feel right to talk, to discuss what happened. Not yet, at least. It feels better to leave everything hanging there among the music, to just let it go as fast as you two can before talking about in detail. And while Jeremy is disappointed about dinner, he’d rather you be safe than force you through something that could put a strain on you and the relationship. He’d once pretty much vowed to himself to keep you safe and happy—forcing you through dinner would be a horrible thing to do.

He pulls into his driveway, the car slowing to a stop as he does so. His eyes glance at you as you gaze at his house for a second longer. You sigh before making eye contact with him. “I’m sorry I ruined—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jeremy says. “It’s not like you anticipated him working there and seeing him. Stuff happens sometimes.”

You’re quiet for a second, encoding what Jeremy said into your brain. A small “thank you” comes from you. There’s another beat before you apologize, the words hanging into the air.

“Like I said, life happens. It’s okay,” Jeremy reassures while nodding, his hand on the door handle.

“Oh”—you start grabbing your stuff, including the keys that Jeremy had subconsciously set on the console—“I’ll walk you to your doorstep.” You open your door with a pop, finally feeling a little bit steadier than you had since leaving the grocery store.

Jeremy blushes before meeting you on the pavement of his driveway. You smile somewhat sadly at him, regret influencing some extra lines being formed on your face. Your hand is offered to him, and Jeremy takes it softly, the contact creating a darker blush. “I had fun,” you note, playing with the keys. “Well except for maybe that last part. But I’ll uhh, make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Jeremy. That wasn’t fair to randomly cancel. But thank you for being there.”

“Oh uhh, you’re welcome.”

You nod before continuing with the statement. “I didn’t just mean today. I meant like, all the time. And for, well, blocking me from him.”

“No problem.” He checks the time with his phone before returning your sheepish smile back, giving both of you a chance to be comfortable in this moment for a change. “You should go,” comes from Jeremy suddenly. “Your parents are probably looking for you.”

“Yeah,” you say, nodding at the observation before glancing around Jeremy’s street. You look back at him after glancing, taking in the moment. “I’ll text you. We’ll go out to eat next time. Promise.”

Jeremy chuckles at your antics for a second, the smile he can’t help influencing his actions. “Sounds good.”

“Have a good night, Jeremy,” you smile at him, giving his hand a tight squeeze before you let go of it altogether.

“You too. Text me when you get home.”

You nod before heading back into the car, seemingly okay for now. Jeremy inhaled, praying that it wasn’t just an act, that you weren’t secretly falling apart about this. Even from the beginning, Jeremy had known you were a good actor, easily gliding from day to day and pretending that nothing bothered you—like nothing was wrong. He knew today cut deeper than anything had in a while. He sighed before walking into his house, the lights on, meaning his dad was most likely home.

Jeremy can feel his phone vibrate, expecting a text from you, telling him that you’d made it home okay. He can feel a sense of surprise go across his face at the contact, and even more so at the message. His hands start to sweat as he reads the message over and over again.

Rich: We need to talk.

[fishfurred]

Love~ Bokuaka

First Person POV Akaashi's Pov:

When I first agreed to date my ex-Captain, it had been raining. It was graduation day for me, and I could see Konoha-san jumping on Komi-san's back, Saru-san was yelling my name and I waved softly at them. They had visited just for me, and I couldn't believe it. I still remember the surprise of someone's hands on my hips, but I didn't flinch.

 I know those hands as much as I know my own and I had twisted to see Bokuto Koutarou, staring up at me with something beautiful in his golden eyes as he lifted me up.

 "Hey, hey, hey Akaashi." He had hooted, grinning at me like I was a star in the sky instead of just another graduate. "I missed you." He shouted, pulling me down into a hug. A laugh bubbled out of me as I wrapped my arms around him back.

"I saw you, not even two weeks ago." I admonished, but I didn't let him go. I didn't want to admit it, but I had felt lost without Koutarou by my side that past year.

"So? Hey hey hey! Akaaaashiiii, you know what?"

"Yes, Bokuto-san?"

"Let's go out."

"Where did you want to go?" I laughed at the way his face morphed with confusion, and for a second he froze. His face melting into a look of dopey affection as he placed me back on the ground and leaned in, pressing our noses together.

"Anywhere you want Keiji. Be my boyfriend." He laughed, eyes brilliant and shining, and warmth filled me. A sense of belonging, of being needed, that I had missed without him

."... Bokuto-san, you can't afford me." I teased, watching him pout, before leaning in and kissing him.

 "MMMMMH!!!!!!" He kissed back, nearly bending me backwards before he caught himself and pulled away, lifting me up again.

"HE SAID YES, OH MY GOD GUYS!" Koutarou hooted, carrying me over to our ex-teammates who were shaking their heads at him. Konoha-san was quietly muttering ‘about damn time’, but Koutarou didn’t notice, too busy attempting to press a kiss everywhere he could reach and still be publicly acceptable.

When I came down from the high, of both graduation and the instinctual giddiness that Koutarou seemed to pull out of everyone, I was filled with fear. Koutarou was a very tactile person, which i had grown used to over the years and no longer minded, but he was also a very… open person. Everyone guessed, even myself, that he would be the first one to blurt ‘I love you.’ And that scared me, even as I agreed to move in with him as our shared college would be cheaper with me renting an apartment rather than paying for a dorm.

I didn’t know if I was in love with him. I didn’t know if I could lie and say I did when he first said it. I didn’t know what love felt like, at all. I didn’t know if the warmth in my chest was love or infatuation, or if maybe it was just joy to be around someone like Koutarou. Someone who lit up the world around me, brought color to it. I was afraid of pushing him away if I didn’t say it, or making it harder if we broke up if i did say it but never truly meant it. The fear seemed to drown me whenever I was alone, and I sat in the darkness, waiting.

But the moment never came. Koutarou never said the words, just pressed kisses to my cheeks, my lips, my thighs. He held my hand and twirled me around when we were alone, giggling and nuzzling at me whenever he pulled me close. He stayed beside me when I was up late, studying for my medical degree. Even when he was dead tired, he’d curl on the couch and lay his head in my lap, just letting me know, in his giant, snuggly, adorable way, that he was there for me. And the fear slipped away.

 I couldn’t believe myself for being so stupid. Koutarou would never leave me for not saying it back. He would never try and pressure me to say it, never force his feelings if I said no. Koutarou was loud, and obnoxious, and vibrant, and he pushed his way through life with hoots and howls and dumb puns, but never had he ever tried to do anything that made me uncomfortable.

I opened my eyes when I finally realized they were closed, staring blankly at the computer in front of me. Why had I been thinking about that? I was supposed to be labeling the different muscles of the human leg.

I barely flinched when something slid onto the couch beside me. Instead I rolled over into the familiar warmth, sliding my hand into Koutarou’s and my face into his neck. He smelled like sweat and salonpas, probably just came in from the gym.

“I was going to bring you coffee, but I think a nap would be better.” Koutarou laughed, but it was soft and he pulled his hand out of mine, wrapping it around me and I grabbed it again with my other hand. The warmth of his hand was nice, soothing. The large fingers, though shorter than mine, that squeezed gently and held tight, that comforted me in my hazy sleepy state.

“Wake me up in fifteen.” I requested, rolling over until I was completely on his lap and curled into his chest with a smile.

“You got it.” Koutarou giggled, and I hummed, letting my eyes slide shut.

I woke with the sound of the alarm, cracking open an eye to watch Koutarou turn off the alarm and go back to typing on the computer. I shifted my head, just enough to see what he was doing. I blinked in surprise when I saw him typing a message to Kuroo-san, telling him that Koutarou was staying in tonight, with me. Something warm blossomed in my chest and I sat up straighter, taking note of my books that had been carefully re-organized from my frenzied search for information earlier and the little doodled owls with notes of encouragement on post-its on each page.

I turned to look at Koutarou, leaning in even as he turned to me. I kissed him, soft, languid, enjoying the slight surprise in those gorgeous eyes of his. I loved the way they softened with affection as he kissed back, the way he pulled me more onto his lap so we were chest to chest. His hands were calloused and rough feeling, but gentle as one combed through my hair, the other cupping my chin and tilting my head down to kiss him again.

Maybe I didn’t know what love felt like, because I had never felt it before. But if love was going to feel like anything, I hoped it was this. The warmth, the contentment, the adoration I had for my best friend. I hoped it was the way I was craving his kisses, the way his touch centered me and brought me balance. I hoped it was the gentleness that I had when I reached up and took his face in my hands, the light in his beautiful eyes that made me want to never look away. I hoped this was love, because if it wasn’t, then I didn’t want it. I wanted nothing more, than this everything that built up as I looked into the eyes of my boyfriend, my partner, my ace, my captain, my best friend.

I hoped this was love, as I leaned down, pulling Koutarou’s face closer, and kissed him, murmuring against his lips.“I love you Koutarou.”

 For a second, the world was silent, and then Koutarou bounded back to life.

“KeJI!” he screeched, covering my face in kisses and laughing loudly, he twisted and laid me on the couch, crawling over me to cover every inch in kisses too.

“Kou-Koutarou, what on earth are you doing?” I blurted, laughing as he dragged his fingers down my sides, tickling me with his fingers and lips and hair.

“Keiji, Keiji, Keiji, guess what?!”

“What?”

“I love you too!” He hooted, kissing me and scooping me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trusting him to not let me fall as I kissed him again.

“Where are you taking me?”

“Well, after a nap, you need to wake up right?” Koutarou grinned, closing the door behind us before laying me on the bed.

“Oh? Wake me up? Is that what we’re calling it now?” I teased, tugging him over me and sliding my hands down his back, squeezing at his ass and smirking slightly when he squeaked and whined about it.

“I mean, I wouldn’t want you to fall asleep on the couch again, would I?” I shook my head at his ridiculousness, kissing him again.

“I love you, so much, Koutarou. Forever.”

“And I love you too! Keiji! Love you forever and ever.” He chirped, and I couldn’t do anything but smile up at him, the man I loved. The man i wanted to wake up every day with, and curl up with. The dumb owl who insisted on watching horror movies so he could latch onto me at night. I wanted to be with him, through every up and down and now, there was nothing to stop me.