#The whole episode dedicated to making his panic Even More Severe because he almost fell off a roof

[cartoonsbyandie]

I always kinda imagined Kogoro's fear of heights was just like, a normal old fear he had that didn't have any kind of dramatic reason for it, but the longer the show goes on the more it feels like it has to have some kind of traumatic reason behind it. Man has a full on panic attack looking over the side of the building, that had to be caused by Something right??

[marlahey]

I wish I had a steadier hand (or the words to bring you back again)

a little voice fic pairings/characters: sam/bess, my genuine gasps of pained adoration, sam’s truly incredible apartment is a character in and of itself warnings: sad sad sadness, yearning you could make a whole blanket out of episode tags: missing scene(s) set in/immediately after the end of 1.07 (ghost light) lyrical title courtesy of: quiver – lonas notes: I am a fucking wreck. goodbye forever. also I just get the sense that once samuel had tacit permission to touch bess, he’d never stop. can we tell that I am touch-starved sad quarantine bitch or what?  dedicated to @moxyphinx​ who did not bat an eye when I asked her to exchange numbers and immediately listened to several voice notes of rambling, incoherent emotions. thanks for making me feel so seen, shawna. thanks as always to @missgoalie75 for going ‘Fuck you’ at the exact scene I wrote at 3am on thursday. best beta there is.  a canon-based mirror to you got a friend in me; they’re very similar because an episode actually gave me nearly exactly what I wanted for the first time in my life and if I tell y’all that I screamed. 

* They arrive at Samuel’s apartment. Bess has no idea how they got here. She doesn’t know a lot, right now. The weight of his arm around her back’s been so constant (for the last...hour? How long did it take them to walk back?) that when the door closes behind them and Samuel finally releases her, Bess feels like she might float away. 

“Bess.” His voice is distant, distorted, like she’s underwater. “Bess.”  She starts. Samuel’s tugged her down to sit on his bed. The soft thread of his blanket tickles her bare legs but that too, somehow, is removed—as though Bess is outside of herself, watching the way Samuel ducks his head to catch her eye.  “What do you need?” The full glass windows throw amber streetlight across the apartment, cutting sharp shadows over his face. At least he’s not asking if she’s okay. Bess opens her mouth to reply but nothing comes out. The memory of her father screaming at her in the street crests up, a tidal wave. 

Samuel draws her in, absorbing the sound of her choked sob. He cradles her head as she falls into the curve of his neck and Bess has never felt quite so fractured, before. Can she shatter and sink at the same time? His voice pulls her back to the surface, low and urgent just above her ear.   “We don’t have to talk about it. If you want me to, I’ll take this to my grave and we don’t ever have to speak of it again. If you want to go home, I’ll take you.” 

Panic seizes inside her chest, that urge to flee. Bess shakes her head, trying to stand, but Samuel won’t have it. He cages her in with his body, unyielding, the refusal absolute.  “Hey, hey. C’mon Bess. Just talk to me, okay? Do you want to look for him?” He pulls back, his grip still firm around the soft bends of her elbows. The light reflects oddly in Samuel’s eyes; they bore into her. “If you wanna go back out there right now, I’ll help you search all night until we find him.” (She believes him. She can feel the truth of his words in her bones.) Bess hiccups. It feels like she’s gasping for breath. He brushes her tears away, pushing back her hair. Beneath the worry there’s something so tender in his expression that it stuns her into stillness. “Tell me what you need. Just...” Samuel’s voice wavers, just for a second. “Bess, please just let me help you.” She doesn’t know what she needs. Bess just knows she doesn’t want to feel this, like she’s drowning. But Samuel’s there, with his steady gaze and uneven smiles and guitar calloused fingers on her skin. His eyes rove over her face like he’s searching for something. She wonders if he can see her panic before Bess surges forward, catching his very faint breath of surprise with her mouth.  Samuel freezes.  (She wishes she had the excuse of being drunk. Bess banishes the thought as quickly as it comes.)  A beat of perfect silence rings through the apartment.  Samuel’s hand slides up to her neck, over her thrumming heart, in a touch so light it’s almost reverent—fresh heat burns in Bess’ eyes. He kisses her just once, like he could break her if he’s not careful, which—maybe he can.  Or maybe she’s already broken. Then it’s over, before Bess can even take another breath. Samuel pulls away very gently. She’s slow to open her eyes, more reluctant to face him than she could ever admit aloud. The only word Bess can really land on to describe his face is pained.  Guilt rears up in her chest. He thumbs at more tears that she hadn’t even realized had fallen.  Bess barely recognizes her own voice. “I’m so—” Samuel silences her with a shake of his head. “Don’t be. It’s okay. You’re okay, right? With—” He falters. She feels unsteady. “With that?”  Bess thinks of what he’d said to her tonight, before everything fell apart. You make the bad days okay. She just nods.  One corner of his mouth lifts in that way it does when Samuel wants to reassure her. Bess lets it work.  “Want me to take you home?” he asks gently.  Bess shakes her head, almost surprised at herself. She can’t remember the last time she didn’t want to be alone, so fiercely it could have choked her. Samuel nods towards the head of the bed.  “Sleep?”  Bess stares at his pillows like they’re alien. Words stick in her throat, raw as they finally come out. “I don’t know if I can.” His understanding is more than she can bear. Samuel reaches for the sleeves of Bess’ jacket. When it slides away and he gets up to leave it on his chair, a question leaps from her mouth. “What about you?” His smile tilts higher on one side as he shrugs out of his button down. “Got a foam mattress in the closet.” “You don’t—” Bess can’t articulate it, suddenly. Their fight comes rushing back. You’re too messed up to let anyone care about you. “Can you...” She doesn’t trust herself to speak anymore so Bess just reaches for his hand. The air feels loaded with something unspoken, but Samuel just follows as Bess leans back onto the bed, curling into herself; he folds around her, tucking himself so tightly into all her spaces that her shoulder blade leaves the mattress to lean on his chest instead. The apartment narrows (she loves his space so much but it’s too big now, like she could lose herself in the emptiness) into the strength of his body, the weight of his arm over hers.  Samuel’s breath is warm on her neck. He doesn’t move to take his hand back. “Okay?” he murmurs. Not, are you okay, but is this okay? She nods into the pillow. Bess can make out the familiar shapes of Samuel’s production set up; the memory of Electric Lady stings. The ceiling offers no comfort.  “He,” she starts, and finds a lump in her throat. I haven’t seen him since we recorded. “You don’t have to explain, Bess.” Samuel tightens his grip. “You don’t have to say anything.”  Yet more tears slide past her nose—will she ever stop crying—and Bess is grateful he can’t see her. Though that may just be his grace, pretending he doesn’t know. The ever restless city sounds just far enough away through the open windows. She exhales shakily. Samuel doesn’t say anything else. He hooks his chin over her shoulder. Exhaustion seeps in her bones but Bess’ mind won’t let her rest, even when his breath goes deep and even. She tries to close her eyes but her father’s face: listless, livid, practically unrecognizable— is seared in her mind.  She lays awake for a long time. It doesn’t feel real—tonight, this moment, herself—and then Samuel’s lips press into the only bare skin he can reach. (The dark behind her eyes is safe, now. Just for a second.) Bess can feel his gaze on her face but she has no idea what to say, or do. He shifts against her like an instinct. She’s struck with the sudden, overwhelming fear that Samuel’s about to pull away, to leave, and her free hand is already reaching back for his arm—a plea Bess can’t voice, something in her that’s too fragile to bring into the light. He presses, almost impossibly, closer.   Bess can close her eyes, finally. She doesn’t sleep more than she passes in and out of almost-dreams (the apartment women, Louie dressed as Hamilton, Ethan’s grandfather); she returns to herself once to Samuel’s fingers trailing gently up her arm, from her wrist to her elbow and back. The steady rhythm of it is like a blanket wrapping around her. Pale dawn is creeping in the next time she opens her eyes. Bess’ head feels foggy from lack of real rest. She rolled all the way onto her side at some point and Samuel had followed. “Want anything?” His voice is soft, a little hoarse. “Water? Food?” Bess shakes her head.   “Did you sleep at all?” She shakes her head again. Samuel leaves a featherlight kiss at the very top of her spine, a wordless empathy. She couldn’t stop the shiver if she tried. Bess almost wishes that they’ll never have to look at each other again, if only so she doesn’t have to face however things may have changed—if only she could just be safe, for once. Are things different? Or is Bess the one that’s changed, now? She rolls over to face him before she can decide. Samuel’s eyes are very soft. He reaches out and brushes some fallen hair back away from Bess’ face. His callouses graze her cheek.  Bess knows she should say something. Anything, really. But she has no idea where to begin or how this is supposed to end and Samuel must see the fear on her face, because one corner of his mouth lifts. “It’s okay, Bess.” She feels small, somehow. “Is it?” His expression is careful, guarded even. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, if you don’t want it to.” Do you want it to? She doesn’t have enough courage for the question. Not now, anyway. Maybe not ever (or maybe Bess is just a coward and he’s been telling her something all this time that she’s too afraid to hear). “I don’t—” she starts, then stops. She tries again. “Should it?” I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what to do. Samuel smiles. He looks almost sad. “I don’t think you want me.” He says it with such certainty, like he’s already resigned himself to the truth. A dull, familiar frustration rises in the pit of her stomach, like smoke from an ember. It’s a feeling only Samuel can ignite. 

“How do you know that?”  His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Because if you wanted me, you could’ve had me the second you walked up on that stage at Saint C’s alone.”

Something in Bess comes undone. But Samuel doesn’t let her reel back. He holds her face so she has to look at him when he says again, “It’s okay, Bess. It doesn’t change anything.” “How can it not change anything?” she demands, horrified to hear her own voice break. Samuel leans a little closer, his face serious. “Because I care about you more than I care about my—” Bess sees a flicker of the boy who’d awkwardly asked, are we good? only a few hours ago— “About us being anything more than together in the music. You’re so good, Bess— Yes,” he insists when she shakes her head, rejection after rejection echoing. “You are. I’ll believe it for you if you can’t, but you are.”  She refuses to cry anymore. Bess blinks until she can see Samuel clearly again. He strokes her cheek a little like he’s unaware he’s doing it, like he’d never stop unless she asked him to. “I know you have a lot of shit in your life, okay? I know it’s hard and I know you think you have to do it all on your own.”  Her breath hitches. Damn it. Bess wraps her hand around Samuel’s wrist as though it could just anchor her enough. He ducks his chin, looking at her through his pale eyelashes. “I just wanna be here for you, if you’ll let me.” She nods, maybe a little desperately, and that’s apparently all Samuel needs. He pulls her towards him with both arms now and presses his mouth to her forehead. Bess lets him. She lets him trace the edge of her spine, over and over like he could wear a line far enough down to sink beneath her skin. She lets him tuck her into him and curl his hand along the back of her neck, where she’ll never stop feeling at her most vulnerable for a reason Bess still doesn’t understand. But finally, finally... She falls asleep.

[seddm]

Seddm’s Top 10 Greatest Starco Moments

Long post under the cut, moments in chronological order, not a ranking

Blood Moon Ball - as usual, I don’t list this episode as a fundamental Starco moment for the dance (even though it’s super nice and fancy and the music is perfect), but the talk on the balcony. In this moment Marco truly shows that he understand Star, who she is as a person, and that he’s ready to swallow his pride for the sake of their friendship. Star bares her vulnerabilities, for the first time she (even if not directly) admits that not being trusted by the people she cares about hurts her greatly, that she doesn’t want to feel like a little kid who has to be protected and told what to do, and Marco understands that he overstepped his boundaries as a friend and tried to act more like a “parent”. This became EVEN more important in recent times, since The Knight Shift indirectly put importance on both parts of a relationship being equals (both get their capes, both are “knights” in their friendship).

This sets the mood for their relationship as a whole, Marco is going to always be at her side, and especially during the rest of S1 and S2 he’s often going to advise her, teach her things, but he’s never going to put himself over her level, he’s always going to be a friend talking to a friend, helping her figure things out on her own (the best example is Mewnipendence Day, where he spends the whole episode gently nudging her toward realizing how unfair her people have been to monsters for centuries, without straight out telling her “Your people racist!”).

Storm the Castle - the episode that suddenly turned up the stakes of the series, and the one that forced Star and Marco to face an “adult” for the first time (no Ludo doesn’t count), a new world for them. The episodes opens up with the duo arguing for the first time in the series over Star being too immature and reckless in her pursue of fun at all costs. Star values her and Marco’s lives less than a sandwich.

By the end of the episode she doesn’t hesitate in valuing Marco’s life more than the wand, one of the most powerful and precious items in the universe.

Their hug is still one of the warmest and most intimate in the series, with their eyes and body language screaming “We need this”. Star lost a lot (or so she thought, obviously the wand was back soon after), but she didn’t lose Marco, and their bond got strengthened even more. Cleaved apart, cleaved together.

Mr. Candle Cares - this is the first episode that makes it clear just how special Marco is to Star compared to everyone else in her life. After a whole episode spent having a panic attack over her future, feeling like she was trapped in something she didn’t choose and didn’t want, Marco’s words are enough to snap her out of it, and help her find her identity back. 

Obviously this is outdated compared to the current arc about choices and free will, but at this point of the season this was what Star absolutely needed to hear, to know that just because being Queen was set in stone in her future, it didn’t mean she had to follow the example of previous rulers, or her mother’s. She could be her own person, Star Butterfly. Without having to change her look and style. Nor maiming a mermaid. 

Bonus point for the dork stopping in the middle of a ping pong game for his life to smile over the thought of how much he admires and likes Star’s unique personality (admittedly Tom then chimes in saying her likes it too, even if it infuriates him at time, but this is a post about Starco moments so shush).

Star Vs Echo Creek - an underwhelming episode that apparently doesn’t change anything in Star, but it shows a huge contrast with her early self which. S1 Star would have done literally anything to keep her freedom intact, to the point of getting paralyzed by fear at the mere mention of St. Olga. In this episode, after some moments of self realization, she saw going to jail as a preferable alternative to never being able to see Marco again.

Obviously this moment is larger than Starco - it’s a sign of maturity for Star overall, a first step toward being able to take hard decisions that might damage herself for the good of others (from Toffee to trying to change Mewni to helping Eclipsa), but as many moments of growth, especially in the first two seasons, it begins with Marco.

Starcrushed - the whole episode. It uses Starco as a way to give Star the ultimate push she needed to go from the princess who used to run away from all responsibilities and unpleasant duties, to the princess who blew herself up to stop Toffee and who dedicated almost a year of her life to changing Mewni. And her love for Marco (in a broad sense, at this point of the series she wasn’t IN LOVE with Marco yet) ultimately leads her to confess her crush. She could have left without saying anything, it would have been easier both on her and Marco, but she couldn’t leave with what could have been the last thing she ever told Marco being a lie.

Honesty and communication are fundamental to their relationship, even if sadly it has always been hard for both of them to always fully be honest about their feelings. But they always try, even if it usually takes half a season, and in this case Star tried.

Also it has Marco being super depressed over things being weird with Star while trying to convince himself that he has suuuuch a deep bond with Jackie, which is frustrating and explains why it took him until Lava Lake Beach to begin understanding things, but it’s also sweet and meaningful.

Night Life - it literally has Marco telling Star that the things he likes the most is keeping her safe, even if at the time just being at her side brought unpleasant feelings. 

Also, while it’s not framed as something sweet in the context of the episode since it’s in situations of frustration, it’s just one of the many instances of S3 showing just how necessary Marco is to Star - not just as a practical help, but as a moral one, as the one person who can help her navigate through her life.

And the first person who comments something like “Star is a nagging wife who bosses Marco around!” gets a slap in the face and a link to this.

Booth Buddies - I really don’t think I have to say anything about this episode. Sure, it didn’t lead to changes nearly as much as I hoped, it took until Curse of the Blood Moon for Star’s feelings to be relevant, but it’s still an outstanding episode that has all the emotional intimacy that makes Star special to me. It’s the talk on the balcony in Blood Moon Ball, squared.

It’s the payoff to a season worth of tension, and it tells us that NO, THEIR RELATIONSHIP CAN’T GO BACK TO SIMPLE FRIENDSHIP (not even with the curse bullshit). Things are different, their feelings and their friendship are one and the same.

Divide - ‘Nuff said. Obviously the hug in Conquer is even more powerful in a way, it truly shows how important Star is to Marco, and how lost she’d be without him, but the one in Divide, in this calmer context, is a better example of the core of Star and Marco’s relationship, a friendship based on mutual trust and help.

Curse of the Blood Moon - I made a whole post about the dance scene in this episode so I’m just going to link it. But for brevity: Star and Marco enter the severing stone with the intention to break the curse and rid themselves of unwanted feelings, but as soon as they start dancing they forget every other problem and distraction, losing themselves in their happiness, and they understand that they cherish those feelings, that they are painful but worth being felt, as Eclipsa told Marco, and that they’d love to act on them but it’s too late now.

One minute of being alone and they fell in love.

The Knight Shift - I don’t like making rankings, but this would easily be the number 1 Starco episode in the show. It’s perfect, it has everything, from Star being distraught at the idea of Marco leaving Mewni (even if this wouldn’t have meant not seeing him again, obviously), to Star and Marco knowing that they had to talk with the other even if the subject was unpleasant, to Star recognizing Marco’s individuality and giving him his spaces. But obviously THE Starco moment is the one at the end, the one that shows the utter commitment they have for each other more than any other.

In this episode Marco thinks about his life and what he wants to do in the future, and he realizes that he doesn’t want to forever commit himself to a single knight task, not yet at least, he wants to do other things, explore, find his own goal in life. But he doesn’t hesitate a moment in making Star his lifelong post. 

The episode was only platonic in universe, obviously, but this is the essence of Star and Marco’s relationship: commitment. Something that lacked from any other romantic relationship in the show. This is the closest we can probably get to a wedding, Marco and Star essentially promise that they’ll spend their lives at the other’s side in this moment. Also, as a minor note, this moment made Star and Marco truly equal: not princess and boy, not queen and squire, but two friends with a badass cape reminding them that their friendship is the most important things they have.

The heart on the capes, their love, is quite literally made up by their special moments as friends. Friendship as the only solid basis for long lasting, deep, committed love.

BONUS MOMENT

Beach Day - pure happiness. Nothing more. Just having all the fun they can, together.