#They have Ginormous D radiation

[rubin-therubix-loverofblorbos]

EGEHEEHEGEGEGE <- Mr Krabs laugh

Frank Hallow: Length; a fucking foot and a half. this man's dick is eighteen inches long. I mean, it's proportional but come on. Girth; 4 inches thick. he would destroy an average human.

Richard "Rick" HEDONY {now I have to edit this. assholes}: Length; a foot and 3/4s. godDAMN. Girth; 5in. FUCKING FUCK DUDE???

Robert "Bob" Velseb {he's trans btw. because I can} : 4in. GUYS, YOU DON"T GET IT THAT'S A HUGE TDICK. YOU COULD pUT THAT IN SOMEONE. WOW.

[axel-fics]

Because of You - Chapter 4

A/N: Writer’s block is a BTCH but I’m back!! Pretty proud of how this chapter came out :D 

Summary: During his Mark of Mastery Exam, Sora falls into the hands of Master Xehanort and is taken to the Realm of Darkness. Now, it’s up to his friends to save him before he succumbs to the darkness. This is the story Axel and the reader as they journey through the Sleeping Worlds, begin their training as Keyblade Masters, and learn just how much they secretly care for each other.

In a flash, you summoned your Keyblade and charged at the swarm of Nightmares. It was only your second time using the weapon in battle and it clearly showed; thankfully your Meow Wow Dreameater was by your side helping you defeat the colorful creatures. At least going through the seven sleeping worlds will help train you to use the Keyblade better. 

Lea held out his hand to summon his Keyblade, only to have a single chakram appear in his hand. He was completely taken aback at his inability to summon his new weapon, only having a split second to defend himself from a panda Nightmare striking him. 

“Shit,” he gritted. 

“What?” You called over your shoulder, still defending yourself from the Nightmares. 

Lea didn’t have time to answer. He summoned his second chakram and started throwing them around like boomerangs slicing through the air and destroying Nightmares in a single strike. Over the next several minutes, the two of you, alongside with your Dreameaters, vanquished every last Nightmare in the town square. When the coast was clear, Lea caught his chakrams midair with barely any effort and glared at them. 

“I couldn’t summon my Keyblade…” he murmured, staring at his weapons in disappointment. The vision of his Flame Liberator danced around in his mind, the Keyblade he obtained when he took his own dive back in the Tower only a short time ago. Why all of a sudden could he not conjure the weapon now?

“Wait a sec, I’ve never seen this door before!” Your gasp shook Lea out of his thoughts as he watched you run past the tiny cafe behind him. Grabbing the large door handle, you pulled it with all your strength and continued on with Lea hot on your trail. It was a dark alleyway with a ton more apartment buildings surrounding it and a long, narrow roadway that lead up to a water canal. Without hesitation you ran through the small waterfall and followed the pathway until you reached another exit with a number ‘4’ inscribed over it. Your whole body was soaked with water, but your excitement over discovering a whole new area of town took precedence. 

“A fourth district?? This is unbelievable! I’ve only been to three in this whole world,” you exclaimed. You turned back to see Lea emerge from the canal, his spiky hair dripping wet at the sides. He shook the water loose like a wet dog, which made you giggle. 

“There’s a fifth one, too, if you continue down that road,” a voice called. 

“Huh? Who’s there?”

A boy in a lavender dress shirt and jeans jumped down from a tall building and landed in front of you, scaring the skin off your bones. 

“Are you always this jumpy?” He asked. 

“Only when strange guys jump out of nowhere,” you retorted. “Who’re you?”

“My name is Joshua. You’re friends of Sora and Riku’s, aren’t you?

“How did you—?”

“They were here not too long ago. Though it is interesting: they were here at the same time but separated by the portal. You see, this world was split into two, and each of them were in one of the two parallel versions of Traverse Town. The two of you though are here in the same version of Twilight Town.”

“We’re following Sora’s path specifically. He’s…in trouble,” you whispered. You didn’t want to be rude to this Joshua, especially since he’s been in contact with Sora and might be able to help. But you couldn’t help but feel pressured to find the Keyhole to this world and continue on as quickly as you could.

Joshua eyed you carefully, as if he were probing your inner thoughts. He pointed down the alleyway to your left. “Follow that path to the fifth district and hook a right. The Keyhole you’re looking for is by the town greenhouse. But be prepared: you’ll have to fight your way to uncover it.”

“Greenhouse…?” You placed your hands on your hips and sighed.

“What is it?” Lea asked. 

“Oh, nothing…” Lea raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Okay, fine! I’ve lived here most of my life and all of a sudden there’s more districts and places to go that I didn’t even know existed. It’s just that my life is already a mystery to me, and now this place just adds to that mystery. I feel like I know less and less about myself every day…” 

Lea couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Guilt ate away at his heart as he watched you struggle with your thoughts. The words he wanted to say came to his lips but disappeared before his voice could make a sound. Just tell her the truth. Tell her you know. 

Tell her how you failed her… 

“Well, anyways, there’s no time to think about that now,” you suddenly perked up. “We have a Keyhole to find!”

“Wow. You really are friends with Sora. You two are cut from the same cloth,” Joshua mused. 

“Hey, what does that mean?” 

“You’re both resilient to distress practically,” he chuckled, “and extremely upbeat, even in the toughest of situations.”

“I guess when you travel to different places for so long together, you kinda become one in the same person,” you laughed. “Thanks for your help, Joshua! Let’s get going, Lea.”

“Just… be careful. The Nightmare guarding the Keyhole is a strong one. Don’t let your light go out,” Joshua warned. 

As you and Lea ran down the road, Joshua’s eyes followed until you were out of sight. 

“Sora’s counting on you.”

~*~

“This place is so beautiful,” you observed. 

The town’s greenhouse was bigger than any building you’ve seen around town. It was made of glass and radiated a warm, yellow glow that lit up the entire fifth district. From inside the greenhouse you could smell an aroma of different flowers, all sweet and soothing that you were tempted to lay down inside and take a nice long nap. A cool breeze sent chills down your spine, snapping you from your daydream and back to the situation at hand. A Nightmare was around here somewhere, and you had to stay focused. 

“Let’s try the top of the greenhouse,” Lea said. The two of you climbed your way up and looked at the area from above; the night sky was so beautiful and the stars were burning bright above you. The last time you saw this view was from the roof of your old home, only it was from the first district. You couldn’t help but feel a slight bit nostalgic again, remembering spending hours sitting on your roof enjoying the peaceful silence the night time brought. Things were a lot simpler back then; so much has changed… 

The ground suddenly shook beneath your feet, almost knocking you down. Summoning your Keyblade, you searched the area for the disturbance but saw nothing. Your Meow Wow Dreameater hid behind your back, too scared to move. Lea tried summoning his Keyblade again, only to have his chakrams appear in his hands once again.

“What is going on…” he gritted through his teeth. 

“Worry about that later,” you said. “We’ve got company.” You pointed towards opposite side of the greenhouse to where a pair of large, purple ears stuck up. 

A Nightmare appeared in the form of a giant tiger with teeth bigger than your Keyblade and piercing yellow eyes. Without hesitation, the creature shot a large ball of fire in your direction, sending both you and Lea flying in opposite directions. Both your Dreameaters came to your sides, only to freak out and hide once again from the ginormous Nightmare. Looks like the two of you were on your own for this fight… 

The creature charged for Lea, who only had a split second to defend himself before one of it’s large claws came swiping down. Lea sent both of his chakrams flying ablaze, forcing the Nightmare backwards to avoid getting burned. But then the Nightmare overpowered Lea’s attacks and lunged towards him, his mouth wide open and boasting a mouth full of sharp teeth. Lea defended himself from the attack by raising his chakrams to defend himself, pushing back on the Nightmare’s mouth with all his strength. 

“Axel!” From behind the creature, you shot a Blizzard spell and froze the tip of the Nightmare’s tail, distracting it from it’s assault on Lea. When the creature turned around, it’s frozen tail sent Lea flying again to the far end of the greenhouse. You held your Keyblade steady and waited for the Nightmare to charge at you, only to use it’s now frozen tail to it’s advantage by breaking the glass of the greenhouse roof from under your feet. You had no time to brace yourself before you fell through, the Nightmare following you down into the greenhouse interior. Before you were about to land harshly onto the floor, you extended your arm and caught on one of the railings and saved yourself from any major damage. 

“[Y/N]!” You heard Lea’s panicked voice from above you, and as you looked up you saw the glass ceiling magically repair itself, officially separating you from Lea and locking you in with the Nightmare. 

“Just great,” you mumbled. Dropping down to the ground safely, you turned toward the Nightmare and continued your attacks as best as you could. The creature did seem a bit run down, but it wasn’t enough for you to take it on one-on-one. Despite the disadvantage, you knew you had to try with all your strength to take it down. You weren’t going to let one silly-looking tiger get in the way of saving your best friend, not in a million years. 

You fought with all your strength against the nightmare, sending your most powerful spells to help slow it down from it’s onslaught of attacks. Now getting more used to using the Keyblade, your attacks were already improving in the heat of battle, and you did your best to counter any attacks against you. Suddenly, you became aware of your new surroundings and found yourself cornered by the beast with no where to run. You raised your Keyblade once again as the Nightmare’s hot breath and sharp teeth got closer and closer. 

“[Y/N]! Over here!” Lea’s voice called out to you again, this time sounding closer to you. From behind the creature, Lea came charging with his flamed chakrams, distracting the Nightmare once again. You took the opportunity for a splice attack: Lea attacking from one end of the monster and you the other. The attack was successful, and the creature fell to the ground with a loud thump before vanishing into thin air. 

Completely exhausted, you fell to your knees and slumped over, trying to catch your breath. “Well, that was fun,” you sighed sarcastically. 

“Are you okay,” Lea asked. He held out a hand towards you offering to lift you up, which made you blush. 

“Yeah, are you?”

“I’ll be better when I figure out why this damn Keyblade won’t summon for me,” Lea grumbled. 

“Maybe something’s on your mind distracting you? When I think about summoning my Keyblade, I clear all my thoughts and believe with all my heart that the Keyblade will come to me. And sure enough, it does. Maybe try that next time,” you smiled. 

“Clear my thoughts…” Lea folded his arms and closed his eyes.

“So, what’s distracting you?”

Memories flashed through his mind in an instant. The mysterious white castle. His home world suddenly swallowed up in darkness. His hand reaching out for her’s. The scream that escaped her lips. 

“Lea? You okay?”

Lea snapped out of his thoughts and looked at you, your eyes watching him closely. Once again he felt the words bubble up deep inside him, ready to burst. “You…”

But he couldn’t say anything. Not just yet.

“You…called me Axel before,” he whispered.

“I did? Oh, I’m sorry, Lea. It must’ve just slipped,” you said. 

“It’s okay. You can call me Axel if you’d like; I don’t mind either way.”

“Okay then, Axel. I’ll get it memorized this time, promise,” you winked, giggling as you mocked his signature catchphrase. 

Just then, a bright light appeared above you, and the outline of a Keyhole emerged.

“Go ahead,” Axel said. “You’re the only one who has a Keyblade right now.”

Aiming your Keyblade at the Keyhole, a beam of light shot through and the sound of a door unlocking in the distance filled your ears. If Sora were here, you thought, he’d be proud. 

“One down, six more to go.” 

[askthemisfitsgt-blog]

Thomas Sanders x Borrower!Reader

((Hello! Dedicated to all of the Giant!Thomas Sanders fans, I decided to make a FREAKING HUGE fanfic about it! Hope you like it!)) "You have betrayed us. Ruined us. Almost got us noticed." The king of the Borrowers looked disappointed. Angry, even. I don't know what I did. I don't have any memory of it. I haven't introduced myself, have I? The name's (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). I'm part of something you don't know, something that's hidden. I'm a Borrower. We are what you hear in the stories; little people who borrow things and stay unknown in the walls. All I know is that I've been borrowing from a human. That's it. Our tribe is very strict, and it seems as though I get into trouble for doing nothing. "This is not your first time, (Y/N). I warned you before." He stared at me intently. "And yet, you still manage to get yourself in trouble. I do not-" "WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" I screamed. "YOU DON'T EVEN GO WITH US! ALL YOU DO IS JUST SIT ON YOUR THRONE, BEING FAT AND LAZY!" I instantly slapped my hand over my mouth. No. Those words... they just came out. I knew what was going to happen from this. "You have offended us for the last time!" He was booming now. "Fliers!" A pair of twins with saddling gear walked in. "Get her out of my sight." The girls grabbed both of my arms. I struggled, but they were surprisingly strong. One inserted a sharp metal rod into me. Not the... sleeping... mixture... My eyes grew heavy. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the king's unblinking glare, one that would be the last I saw. ~~~~~~~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~~~~~~~~ I should... probably tell you about some stuff that has happened. The twins, much to my dismay, took no pity on me. They flew on their bluejay steeds to the next house over, since this was a neighborhood. However, this one did not have a Borrower tribe like mine. Once there, they dropped me off at the front door and flew off, eager to go home. I ran after, thinking this was a prank, screaming for them to come back. But nobody came. After sitting for a while, I went inside the home and ducked into a small little mouse hole that had cover for me. I've been borrowing here for a few months now. There's a guy that lives here, and... I'm afraid to say it, but he's kinda cute... His name's Thomas, Sanders I think. He has one of the best singing voices I've ever seen, one that relaxes and soothes my loneliness. I've began to write notes. Notes about him, notes about me, notes about my life, notes about how cute and amazing Thomas is... But... I'll always get too caught up and accidentally drop those notes. I can never seem to find them. They always disappear, even when I look in the place where I dropped them. A bit like a diary in pages. I was walking around the dresser, just trying to get a few more crumbs. My supply is low, and I need more food. The wood felt slick under my feet; it was slippery. Suddenly, I skidded right into some white, sticky string that was exactly what I thought it was: a spider's web. When I tried to struggle, the web just wound around me more. I could see the large creatures approaching, venom dripping from their teeth. "P-PLEASE! SOMEBODY, A-ANYBODY HELP M-ME!" I screamed, tearfully shouting. When nobody came, I hung my head down. Suddenly, I could see the huge face of the guy that had always been my crush; Thomas himself. I began to shake in fear when his large digit came near, but it reverted to shooing the spiders off. Once they were gone, his eyes locked onto my small, helpless form. I was sobbing now, shoulders heaving up and down with sadness and defeat. "You okay?" His voice was so gentle, quieted just for my ears. No, you have to stick to the Borrower rules, (Y/N)! My thoughts lectured. "...P-P-Please d-don't hurt-t m-me..." My voice wavered and broke, but I managed to get it out. His eyes widened at my statement. "Why would I hurt you? Especially somebody as small as you..." Thomas trailed off until his eyes lit up. "I have to get you out of there!" I giggled a bit at his forgetfulness, but snapped my mouth back shut. I think he noticed, though, because he smiled at me. Without warning, a pair of shiny, metal scissors made their way towards me. I began to hyperventilate as they reached out and snipped something. But... it wasn't my arm! I was amazed at how careful Thomas was, having more accuracy at cutting the strings off than I ever could. He seemed like... He didn't want to hurt me. When all of the wires were away from my frame, he started to sing. I listened in, eager to hear what he would say. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." His voice radiated, coursing through my body and filling me with a good feeling. Contemplating wether to join in or not, I just decided what was the worst to happen and sing along. "You make me happy, when skies are gray..." My voice was not very good, but I think Thomas actually liked it, as he gave a mini clap. "You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take, my sunshine, away." Our voices wavered together perfectly, with complete sync and accuracy. I loved his voice, but I don't know if he liked mine. "So, you, ah, know that song?" Thomas asked, seeming curious. I nodded, looking down at my feet. "Your voice was amazing, just wanted to let you know." My head shot up at that. Why would he give me a compliment? My voice was so bad... "T-Thanks, s-sir..." I said nervously. I was still so nervous around him. What if he just strikes me when I'm weakest? "No need to call me sir, madam." Thomas joked. I laughed, hearing that mock posh voice that always echoed through the house when he did his prince impression. "What's your name?" He became more curious, leaning in a bit. I was quaking in my boots, but I peeped up. "M-My name's (Y/N), and I know y-your Thomas, I hear you say it all the time, with all of your funny Vines and all that and..." I ranted, trying to get away nervousness by talking. "Oh?" He propped up an elbow. "And how would you know my Vines?" Thomas added a small 'Hmmm?' at the end, which, once more, brought out my giggly side. "W-Well, y-you see, I..." I trailed off and sighed. "I've been l-living in your h-house. In your walls." Thomas leaned in to listen. Now, the stutters were over. If I could tell the truth, then this would mean no more nervous. "My kind is one called Borrowers. You may have read the stories, seen the movie, but this is actually what I am." "I was banished from my home house, where I was part of a tribe called the Fallen Children. We were mainly made up of children who had to be dropped from a high place as a babies and be caught in order to join." "However, I was not part of this, as my mother and father left me behind when I was young. Thus, I was a rogue in our community, a hobo, a beggar. And I committed too many crimes. They sent me here." Thomas was silent for a few seconds, and then set out his ginormous palm for me to climb on. I hesitated, but strayed a bit closer once I felt the heat. "Nobody, and I mean nobody..." he said. "ever deserves that kind of fate." I managed to heave myself on, feeling the padding of his digits on my feet. Once settled in his center, I gave him a thumbs-up to go. He stood, and I hugged Thomas' thumb to keep me more stable. "And hey," I looked up at his soft-smiling face. "if you don't have a family, I can fulfill that." ((CREPES I THOUGHT I HAD FINISHED IT BUT THERE'S MORE I FORGOT TO ADD Oh, wait! If any of you want me to continue this fanfic, just send some stuff down my way! Wether it's a like, comment, or reblog, just let me know how you feel!))

[thewanderingskylark]

Log 18 - Mother Nature’s Curveballs

Things Skylark Needs to Do in Order to Survive

Build a hyperdrive

I’ve landed someplace else on Foalai because that creature kept trying to headbutt me to death, since I’m still trying to locate some more mineral resources to keep me going, plus there’s that signal I still need to track. 

But in the meantime, I’ve got time, so I’m going to keep on going on walkabout, though I guess a more appropriate name for what I’m doing is critter-spotting? Because boy, but this world’s got a lot of them. Like this one:

Now here’s another strange critter, albeit MUCH bigger than the other ones I just showed. Conformation’s WEIRD: those front legs scream bear to me, but those back legs are more reptilian. That tail’s weird too. And then there’s that head: bunny ears and a face that’s a combination of a big cat and a bear. I could swear this is carnivorous, but since I didn’t catch it hunting or eating anything I can’t say for sure.

Now at this point, I’ve wandered a significant ways away from my ship--not that I mind because, again, it’s not like I’m going to die of radiation poisoning. I’m just so caught up in looking at these creatures, which so far are making sense in my head for the large part, even if some combinations are weird. In a way, all the things I’ve seen look “normal”.

But I shouldn’t have counted on Mother Nature continuing on that trend, because she’s Mother Nature, and she’ll throw whatever curveballs she wants. Like this thing:

Seriously, what even IS this? NOTHING about it makes sense. I mean, just look at those eyes! 

Why would something this big even HAVE compound insectoid eyes? What does it even eat with that little snout? CAN it eat? Hell, it can’t even reach the ground with that almost-nonexistent neck! Maybe it just photosynthesises like a plant? But then that would mean this would just stay put in one place to maximise photosynthesis, so why have those springy-looking back legs and those ginormous front legs if you’re not going to use them for SOMETHING?

And then there’s THIS thing:

I just. I can’t even with this thing. It defies all words. You guys in R&D can name this whatever the hell you want. I’m just giving up right here, right now. 

As I kept looking around, the weirdness parade started to get a little less...well, I guess “intense” is a good word? Because after I saw this one things started to go back to normal (for certain values of “normal”, given where I am and my circumstances). Take a look at this creature:

This looks a lot like the creature with the headplate I talked about in my last log, albeit it’s got horns instead of plates (you can see one in the background over there in this picture). Maybe this is some kind of subspecies?

See, this thing would actually be kind of cute if it weren’t for those eyes. Fuck, those are CREEPY. What would be a good name for this thing? Horrorcow? Because those eyes look like they could suck out your soul, for sure.

I tracked down that signal. 

Huh. 

This planet’s inhabited. 

Not surprised, given how ideal for habitation this planet is, but also surprised because I wasn’t entirely expecting it. Gonna see what’s in that there base. Skylark, signing off.