#This was one of like 20 slide shows she posted within a 3 hour period today

[sealionfriends]

my old coworker posted 6 slideshows on instagram with like 10 photos each from the 3 day weekend trip she went on with my terrible former supervisor and my other friend. One of the photos is just the bathroom of the airbnb! There's nothing special about it either. It's just a bathroom!

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 5: “I only deal with things in my control” - Ben

James Hayden

Tribal went according to plan. Leanne was blindsided 5-3. Now to do damage control with Naj and Aimee. Hopefully we don't have to do this soon. Zack's constant paranoia before tribal is worrisome. 

Maddison

Pedro just blew up my game and I want him gone. 

James Hayden

Within minutes of tribal ending, Jay sends us a message saying that our next immunity challenge will start in a few minutes. What the hell??? I was not expecting that. It turns out to be a game of tag from hell. We instantly lost Sarah and Amy because they have sketchy internet connection at the moment. Although losing the challenge and going to tribal isn't the worst thing for my game, I accidentally goofed and was eliminated after two hours. It's now down to Zack, Ben, and Naj vs 5 (?) of their people. Zack tried to make a deal with them to end this, but no dice. If we do lose, Aimee probably goes home. I don't want to go to tribal again, so I'm once again praying to the Survivor ORG gods for a W.

Ryan

I was doing so well for the first few rounds, but it feels like I'm going on a downward spiral. I'm pretty sure I've still got numbers with Pedro, Amy, John and Maddison, but I'm scaaaaared

Olivia A

I’m very disappointed by the outcome of that challenge. I think if we kept going we definitely would’ve won. We shouldn’t have taken the deal but oh well I guess. I am incredibly exhausted and almost cried when the randomizer showed that they won. I’m going to sleep!!

John B

Well that challenge turned into a major bummer, but hey, hindsight is 20/20 I guess. Now we have to figure out who to vote and if I had to guess it’s gonna be Ryan or Alan. I hope my alliance can get things together. With Alan having the idol we may need to split votes and Idk who we’d split with. Honestly at this point as long as it’s not me I could care less. Xoxo Gossip John 😘

Kalle N

Pedro exposing alliances that I'm not a part of... OOF. Honestly I don't even care who we vote out at this point. I am getting sick of no one on this tribe being able to make a decision or say a name and if i get voted out i will be relieved. I just want this to end

Ryan

feeling very Sandra right now. “Anybody but me”. 

James Hayden

After more than four hours, WE WON THE TAG CHALLENGE FROM HELL!!! We were only down to Zack and Ben, but we won!! The other tribe agreed to do a randomizer and had a 75% chance of winning, but the Survivor ORG gods favored us and we got the W. After the challenge, Jay said to be online after tribal. This leads us to think a swap is happening. I'm just hoping that the odds are in my favor and end up with some variation of the 5. Ideally, the my new tribe would be me, Sarah, Ben, and two people from the other tribe. As long as my new tribe isn't myself with Aimee/Naj and three new people, I should be ok.

Ryan

I’m getting really close to John, I feel like we’re starting to really control some decisions. Maddison is still my #1 though

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2sp7C2PJIE&feature=youtu.be

Zack M

what can i say right now? i'm not happy. we won the immunity challenge but not because we deserved it. i'm so irritated with the majority of my tribe at the moment. again, i understand that real life is going on around us and the majority don't have the luxury of just sitting around on our computers all day. BUT LIKE CAN WE JUST TRY IT ONE NIGHT?! just once. the challenge was tag. endurance. we have to be ready to go every 5 minutes. did i plan on spending my saturday night like this. absolutely not. was i there until the very end? absolutely. we started out with cody, james, najwah, ben, and i. we were immediately down by 2 because sarah and aimee weren't available. after about an hour john from the other tribe and i were chosen to meet to try to reach a deal to end this challenge early. i got nothing from john even through i tried to be cute and mention that he beat me in the flag challenge. whatever. we continue. during this continuation the host left to shave her head. cute haircut, wrong timing. can you imagine jeff being like "brb guys, do this challenge without me because i need a trim real quick." like what? especially during a game where it comes down to SECONDS. like if you can't be there go ahead and tap in someone else. when she returned she asked if anything had happened ... the rules clearly stated that we were NOT ALLOWED to talk in the game chat ... john on the other side said "nope" .... the rest of us said nothing because again, let me repeat for the people in the back, the rules clearly stated that we were NOT ALLOWED to talk in the game chat. if their 6 (minus john) and our 4 at the time understood, why did he not? also, why did he not get punished for it? THEN we decided to make it harder where we were speeding it up a little to try and get through it tonight. again, let me repeat that, all we did was speed it up. from what i understood we had to "tag" someone at the beginning of the minute. we were not able to wait until the last second ... otherwise why would everyone have not been doing that the entire game? it would have obviously been the go to move. grae, from the other tribe, tagged najwah right before the cut off. she was literally typing as the round ended. it was clearly unfair but again overlooked and we were down another player. i know we are human and the host can't be everywhere at once and at the time ben and kalle from the other team were trying to come to some sort of deal to end the game BUT the game should have been the main focus. on top of letting it slide, my multiple comments of how it was unfair were not correctly addressed. in no way was i trying to get an upper hand for our team. it was clear at that moment we were going to lose and as i've mentioned in multiple confessions i would rather be at tribal than not because i don't know what everyone else is doing. i just love rules. i'm very type a. i pay attention to everything. i didn't think it was cool. nothing can change my mind. it wasn't cool. period. but let's take a moment to sit back and lay in that good karma. i'm a firm believer that good things come to those who deserve it and we did because we had two disadvantages happen to us in the game. in the end, we went to some website ... idk ... and did some random shit. their 5 names and our 2 were put in a list. they picked the number 3 so the host hit randomize or something 3 times and i picked the number 4 because that's my god number and BOOM!!!! ben's name was number 4 so we won. WONT HE DO IT. YES HE WILL. believe in him and give thanks because we won. i thought i was on mute but i wasn't and i clapped. the other team probably hates me and like i'm guessing we are going to expand to 3 groups of 5 tomorrow but i don't even care. if i'm going to lose and be voted out i want it to be right. our team did not deserve to be at tribal tomorrow and guess what .. we won't be. i'm praying i end up on a team with the majority of my alliance or at least my tribe but honestly we will probably lose if we do. i just want a team that wins so i can make it to the merge. that's all i'm focused on right now. the rest can come later. in conclusion, i don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. i don't really care. i'm ready to play survivor. ... oh yeah, and leanne went home at tribal tonight but honestly that feels so long ago and i don't really have anything to say about that except i love you leanne and it wasn't personal. the message to the wrong group killed your game. human error. *mic drop*

Najwah

I am honestly shocked by that tribal. There are no words. I KNEW it wouldn't be straightforward. I knew some blindside would go down coz nothing made sense. However, I really didn't expect them to vote out Leanne haha. I thought it would be me for sure. As I told Cody, everyone are such bad actors. There were so many things that didn't add up and they created a group with "A plan" but no one had a plan and everyone was saying the same thing? Also Sarah was way too comfortable. And she supposedly hasn't spoken to anyone? Haha they're terrible liars. Like at least make something better up. And the jewelery box!! WHERE IS THE JEWELERY BOX? Leanne never had it. Someone else is playing really hard. It's defs one of the boys. I bet. I never trusted Ben and James. 

Najwah

I gave my all in that game. It was already 6am when I got eliminated (quite unfairly, might I add) but I could have gone on all night because there was no way I wanted to go to tribal council again. Especially now that I'm on the outs and don't really know who to trust anymore. I don't trust anyone. Cody called me after tribal but idk, I feel very disappointed because I at least thought HE had my back but I understood, I was close with Leanne and I was the one she was messaging in the group. As much as Leanne made a mistake. I made a mistake by replying. I basically dug my own grave by doing that. I bet they would have never known about my alliance with L had I not replied. Jokes on them because she had a fake idol and lmao SOMEONE ELSE STILL HAS THE JEWELRY BOX. Anyway, I think Sarah is going to win this whole thing. I'd love that. I'm backing Sarah all the way. Love how she plays this game. Low key and she has power. I'm Team Sarah Haywood. 

Grae g

Looks like the girl wanna get pedro out while the John+pedro majority are telling people alan. It seems like absolutely everyone on the tribe is following what they say and that’s gotta go. Plus Pedro showing his own alliances to everyone via screenshot last night didn’t help LMFAO

Olivia A

I’m super excited about this vote because it’ll officially set a divide of alliances in this tribe (in which i will be on the majority). I feel bad about blindsiding John with this vote but Pedro posting that screenshot and showing multiple people in my alliance (including myself!) talking to him is something I can’t let be used against us. So he’s gotta go!!

John B

I think tonight’s vote is coming together. I feel bad but I think it’s going to be Alan. My biggest worry at this point is me or someone I’m close with getting idoled out. Hopefully I can talk to Alan and push them to vote for someone who’s not me lol. Honestly voting people out makes me feel super bad, especially since I kind of spearheaded this vote (I don’t think anyone realizes that though) I just hope this plan can go smoothly and we can get rid of the idol all together. ALSO I put 8 wishes on the wishing tree lol, I’m not sure if that does anything, but if it does I’ll be set lol, I probably don’t need those coins anyway 👀👀 Fingers crossed I don’t get blindsided or idoled out y’all! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Alan B

Omg this tribal is gonna be intense, from what it sounds like john is trying to take me out by buddying up with everyone, but it seems like everyone else is trying to back me up, hopefully this will go well but im STRESSED

Kalle N

The game just got a whole lot more exciting. I'm playing double agent by convincing John that we're voting off Alan, when in reality we're going for John's closest ally: Pedro. I don't think either of them will see it coming and I'm very excited for tribal.

Aimee

https://media.tumblr.com/6e98e0f1a1116e0d7faf5e9f51b29ab6/fe59555738f2307b-bf/s540x810/955cfcc9683d192965fc7e708613b934de5531fc.gifv Bye Leanne! I know you were selling me down the river to Amy T. Odd thing is, I didn’t even vote for you. I hope we flushed out an idol. I just don’t get how Sarah is playing what seems like a ghost game and is more “in the know” than I am. How many times can people tell me “oh sorry we couldn’t tell you the vote because we thought you were close with ——“ and expect me to just take that? Why am I not allowed to talk to other people or be close with others but you are? How is it a 5-3 vote but Najwah claims to be left out of the vote. Uh Leanne didn’t vote for herself, and if it was me and Ben that means Najwah voted Leanne. Do they really think I just don’t talk to people and compare notes? I know who everyone is with. I only trust Ben at this point. And if I make it to merge or judge it’s team Ben or Maola. I think there is a small alliance since day 1 that I am not in. I just didn’t even look that hard for an idol today. I was just too distracted by the calm of the flowers. https://jrchair98.tumblr.com/post/184827414479/ゼニガメ-0007-01-11-frames-based-on-gif-from I hope this game gets better for me, because I am just emotionally drained. This is a marathon and I feel like people are lying to me and I’m gonna get backstabbed in a more direct way. Don’t worry fans, I am strong but I needed this camping break to get my head on properly and I am so relieved I won immunity. It’s time to get to work.

Pedro A

OMG THIS ALL TRIBAL IS A MESS

Amy A

Urgh so today is a complete mess! This feels more survivor for me than all the previous tribal councils. The vote has been flipping all day and it can be anyone at any time. I have a new alliance and I think I was able to steer the vote away from Pedro so I stay solid w the outsiders alliance but I know they’ll come for me if they know I’m now in a tight alliance w all the girls and gender non-binary. New alliance is voting for John and I don’t think I made it very obvious I have a sorta alliance w Pedro cos he was the alternate vote. I heard my name somewhere so that freak out is there and a little part of me is scared but all in all I’m a very little confident about tonight 

Amy A

I found an advantage!!!! I get to steal a vote!!! Omg I thought the option I chose was gonna get me a disadvantage for the tribe but I ended up getting an advantage 🥳🥳🥳🥳. I cannot wait to play this strategically to save my behind in a tribal council. I have decided to keep the news to myself for now but I’ll share it with (probably) Maddison soon. I’m really close w her and we have a strong bond. 

Maddison

John just told me that he thinks of me as his number one and I am five hours away from attempting to blindside him. Sorry buddy, you gotta go. Alan B Lol looks like i'm dead in the water tonight if i don't use my idol, i was the only one who didn't help last night bc i didn't understand that it would just end before i woke up today ... HoLy ShIt 6 ppl are saying they're gonna blindside Pedro to keep me alive :O If pedro votes for me ima flip my shit ... Gosh i have no idea if i should use my idol tonight, because it sounds like the tribe is fighting about whether or not i should be allowed to stay. If i can make it past tonight without my idol, it could get me even farther, but i might not last longer than tonight if i don't ... i'd really rather vote john out then pedro, but it might be safer in the long run to eliminate the person that knows i have an idol...maybe i can get pedro to switch his vote to redeem himself and keep a partner alive for a little longer. Although since he's in a group called "core four" he might have already told them ... The tribe has officially split lmao, looks like we're voting john tonight if i can trust the people who are saying they'll back me up ... Ugh my heart is telling me to try and rebuild my alliance with pedro and try to get him on my side but my brain is telling me his other alliance is clearly stronger so i have to stop trusting him. Either way super sad that pedro betrayed me, apparently he told people about the idol, looks like he'll be next on the chopping block ... even though im in a group with a majority of the tribe i still feel like they're secretly gonna vote me out anyway, that would be a damn good way to get rid of my idol since it sounds like everyone has gotten wind of it. honestly id just be impressed but if things work out for me tonight and i still have my idol i think thats the best shot ive got at getting farther ... im gonna not play my idol tonight and trust the majority of the tribe, if it bites me then so be it, they played their asses off to get rid of me if thats the case, like if they were gonna get rid of me they would have just followed johns plan right? Aimeehttps://media.tumblr.com/6e98e0f1a1116e0d7faf5e9f51b29ab6/fe59555738f2307b-bf/s540x810/955cfcc9683d192965fc7e708613b934de5531fc.gifv Bye Leanne! I know you were selling me down the river to Amy T. Odd thing is, I didn’t even vote for you. I hope we flushed out an idol. I just don’t get how Sarah is playing what seems like a ghost game and is more “in the know” than I am. How many times can people tell me “oh sorry we couldn’t tell you the vote because we thought you were close with ——“ and expect me to just take that? Why am I not allowed to talk to other people or be close with others but you are? How is it a 5-3 vote but Najwah claims to be left out of the vote. Uh Leanne didn’t vote for herself, and if it was me and Ben that means Najwah voted Leanne. Do they really think I just don’t talk to people and compare notes? I know who everyone is with. I only trust Ben at this point. And if I make it to merge or judge it’s team Ben or Maola. I think there is a small alliance since day 1 that I am not in. I just didn’t even look that hard for an idol today. I was just too distracted by the calm of the flowers. https://jrchair98.tumblr.com/post/184827414479/ゼニガメ-0007-01-11-frames-based-on-gif-from I hope this game gets better for me, because I am just emotionally drained. This is a marathon and I feel like people are lying to me and I’m gonna get backstabbed in a more direct way. Don’t worry fans, I am strong but I needed this camping break to get my head on properly and I am so relieved I won immunity. It’s time to get to work.

Maddison

Tonight’s vote will draw a line in the sand for the tribe, and hopefully solidify a majority alliance. I do wish Pedro was going home, but I’m not going to push hard for it this early. As long as someone not in my alliance gets their torch snuffed, I’m happy.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EDaQS-hPPQ&feature=youtu.be

Sarah

I wish I was better at confessionals and didn’t always leave a brick. That will be my goal for the week. OKAY. So tribal went as planned last night with our strong group of 5 (Jess) voting out Leanne. I trusted my group and I‘m glad I didn’t need to play my idol last night (and I love that it’s still a secret except for Cody knowing about it). After tribal, people thought Leanne may have had the idol and that now it was back in the hunt. Turns out, Leanne DID have a fake idol, whatever that means. Moving into a tribe swap, I do feel pretty good about going into one with most people on our tribe. I feel good about anyone in our group of five. I do worry though that with how spontaneous Zack is he may want to make a big move and flip on our tribe. Apparently Naj thinks I am a threat and thinks I will win so I do have to watch out for her but I do genuinely want to work with her. She doesn’t seem to know about Cody and I but she did expose her and Cody’s connection (which I obviously knew about) so she is quick to expose people! I am not as close with Aimee so she may flip too but thank god I have the idol just in case I get in a unpredictable tribe swap situation. So excited to get to know more people and I feel like this game has kicked it up a notch. Ready for a tribe swap! And hoping there are some cracks in the other tribe. 

John B

I’m terrified it’s going to be me tonight. Alan caught wind of the plan I think and told Pedro they were going to play their idol. Now we are splitting the vote so Pedro and I will vote Ryan and everyone else is voting Alan. I really hope people aren’t lying to me, if they are it’s definitely going to be me tonight and I’m going to cry. I’m literally so stressed.

Aimee

Uh, oops. So I got a little too drunk in the woods this weekend to even read these messages properly. Ben voted Leanne last minute and couldn’t tell me in time because I didn’t have phone service. Najwah I’m sorry I doubted you for even a second.

Ben Kessler

Hello it's me Ben. I am very scared about a swap but I know if I get put with my own people, I got this. Hopefully I don't get swap screwed, Aimee trusts me, and I can work my magic with the other tribe. Swaps are out of my control and I only deal with things in my control. Unless there's no swap? Who knows

James Hayden

30 minutes before we need to be online for something game related, Jay tells us to pick a leader. Zack volunteers instantly which is fine with me. It keeps the target of my back and puts a bigger target on his. I think this is a school yard pick for new tribes and hopefully he can keep us #jessstrong #JESSPRESERVATION

Ryan L

essgo babyyyyy hopefully not getting kicked out

[paper619xo-blog]

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[runjakkrun]

I am my “TBI brain,” but my “TBI brain” is not me…. This is a screenshot from a link my neurologist gave me…. First, I suppose I should catch you all up on the situation…. I am a 24 year old U.S. Army vet- turned- Paramedic, with severe PTSD, addiction issues, and as of Nov. 8, 2016, a traumatic brain injury that changed my life…. I am a K9 handler for my local K9 search and rescue team, and I’d let my K9 SAR prospect puppy- a 4 month old long coat Sable GSD named Godric- out to potty around 2200. It was dark. He was young, clumsy, and unrefined. At the exact moment I started uptown concrete back porch steps and issued him the “come” command (hier!), an uncharacteristically large Virginia opossum came tromping out of the woods, looked in his direction, and spooked him. He then darted, at full speed and weighing in at a good 40lbs vs my 110lbs, across the yard, up the steps, and between my legs. I started to go down, reaching out for the hand rails that weren’t there due to the remodeling we were in the process of completing, and slammed both the top of my skull and my forehead on the edge of what I believe was two or more concrete stairs…. The events that followed are a blur…. 
The next thing I remember (which is a pretty solid indication of me losing consciousness for an unknown period of time), is trying to sit up. My head was pounding, I was a bit disoriented, and Godric was pacing back and forth, alternating between licking my face and pawing at the sliding glass door. I’m a medic, and everybody knows we make absolutely terrible patients, so of course I truly believed that I was no worse for the wear…. I stood slowly, let myself and my boy back in the house, crated him for the night, and went into the bathroom to clean myself up. I was bleeding pretty heavily from my forehead and upper lip, both my upper and lower lip were starting to swell, and I’d completely shattered my glasses frames and lenses, so I couldn’t really see much of anything. I popped about 4 ibuprofen and climbed in the bed.
My girlfriend at the time got home from work around 0200 that next morning. Shortly after she got home and snuggled up against me in the bed, I began violently vomiting, losing chunks of time, and drifting in and out of consciousness…. About 8 hours later, I started stuttering and having difficulty recalling things from my short term memory. At that point, it became chillingly apparent that something wasn’t right…. I had my girlfriend drive me to our local emergency department, where they did an MRI and CT scan. I was given norco and fioricet to help alleviate the excruciating headache, zofran to tackle the nausea and vomiting, and a dark and quiet room to await my results. About an hour later, a PA came in and informed us that my scans showed swelling in my frontal lobe, damage to my Broca’s area, multiple skull fractures, and were 100% consistent with a grade three concussion and TBI…. By this time I was sporting a small cut and a lump the size of a golf ball above my right eye. My speech was barely understandable. I was having severe lapses in memory…. I was absolutely terrified…. I spent the next few months rushing between appointments with my PCP, my neurologist, another neuro specializing in frontal lobe TBI’s, and repeat CTs, MRIs, EEGs, and follow ups with all of the above. It’s all honestly extremely difficult to keep straight…. Now, let me give you a quick run down on how all of this has affected my life…. Now.... Before you judge me or blame me for some of the things I do or say sometimes (POST- frontal lobe TBI/ last November), understand that it’s just as frustrating and unappreciated on my end as it may be on yours…. 
A lot of the time, I’m extremely reckless and impulsive. Not because I’m an idiot or don’t care or because I have no self control, but because the part of my brain that controls impulsivity is physically damaged. I’ve done and said several things extremely out of character for me, because if it even crosses my mind, the TBI brain grabs it and runs with it. (reference Jack Sparrow “I’ve got a jar of dirt” scene where he’s running down the beach from the savages.) Sometimes what it runs with makes no sense whatsoever…. 
My moods are all over the place from one minute to the next, for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes I’m overwhelmingly manic and nothing can bring me down, sometimes I’m so depressed I can’t see straight, and a lot of the time, I’m just really, REALLY numb. I’m on several medications to help balance that, but there’s only so much modern medicine can do. 
I get unbelievably angry over the stupidest little things. Today, I was going to ride with my grandparents somewhere and I could hear the trailer chain rattling as we drove, and it literally made me so agitated and emotional and stressed out that we had to turn around, go back to the house, and I had to take my own car. 
I lose focus easily and I forget things. All. The. Time! Especially “short term memory” things. A conversation I just had not five minutes ago. Details I should remember. Names. Faces. Dates. I tell someone I’ll call or text them back in a bit then I completely forget until I’m reminded again or someone gets butthurt. 
I stutter due to damage to my Broca’s area (controls speech) and not only strangers but people I’ve known my whole life look at me like there’s something wrong with me now. They try to pretend they don’t notice but I’m well aware that they do. It takes me a full minute to get a single sentence out sometimes. Sometimes I get hung up so bad on words that I’ll find another word I can get out easier instead. A lot of times, it takes me too long to get things out and whoever I’m talking to will get impatient and finish my sentence or start throwing out words that MIGHT be what I’m trying to say. I can’t stand that. I KNOW exactly what it is that I want to say, it’s just that it gets mixed up somewhere between my thoughts and the physical action of speaking them. Because of this, I barely talk any more. Some people take it as rudeness, me not being very polite or personable, or aloofness. I can assure you, it’s none of the above. If you went from being the articulate whiz kid with a way with words to your own brain being the reason it takes you 20 minutes to say what would’ve taken 2 or 3 before, all while somebody stared at you with a fake politeness, how would you feel? So yes, it’s physically and emotionally easier on me to text, write, or sign. 
I get super frazzled and nearly melt down when things change or don’t go as planned. Any little hiccup in routine or plans or how things should be sends me into a full blown rage or panic attack. It’s just extremely hard to adapt sometimes. 
I hit things…. Which I’ve always done, but it’s gotten so much worse since the injury. Any sudden emotion whatsoever, I get overwhelmed and can’t handle it. I have never and will never hurt anyone else, but lord have mercy on any door, wall, mirror, car, tree, or life-sized cardboard cutout of the Biebz within striking distance when something trips my switch because it’s done before I even realize what’s happening. Yeah, it’s all frustrating for you, but it’s even more frustrating for me. When I have to live it every single day. It’s been a huge adjustment and I still have no idea what’s going on with any of it half the time. These are only a few of the every day struggles somebody with a traumatic brain injury faces. You wouldn’t hold having asthma or a broken arm against someone…. So please, don’t judge me for what I can’t help, either…. -KBW, 2017