#Thisnis stupid because sleep is a no

[khodorkovskaya]

After I split with my ex, it took me a while to get my head around it, like justifying to myself that I wasnt in the wrong etc andthat the way he was treating me was wrong and I shouldn't feel guilty about breaking it off etc.... I ended up trying to do like a 3rd point of view perspective thing... so like, I would explain everything that happened and how I felt and then try to see it from another point of view so like this other point of view would go. . "So you didnt reply to his message within an hour because you were literally in a college class which he knew beforehand, and he took the huff and wouldnt speak to you for over day as punishment?? You shouldn't not feel bad about ending it" obvs I had more extreme examples too lol but I dony wanna delve into them much it's like baggage ahaha

But afterwards, like when i was over him and had no feelings towards him etc, i thought i was fine and then discovered i wasnt... so like i could meet someone and really like them and find them attractive etc, and their personality and vibe really well and when I started to fancy this guy I was like omg yes thisnis nice and he acc seems a lot nicer than my ex woop woop. But then as soon I started to think about being in an actual romantic relationship with him I couldnt, I felt physically sick and anxious??? I literally couldn't face the idea of a relationship being like my previous one and I realised that while I was over him, I had some other issues as a result of the relationship I had to deal with instead.

I did get over it though

I've actually forgotten the point I was making with this message now so I do apologise for that sorry

But I thought he hadnt cared too, like he would delete every single pic of us literally within an hour of us breaking up.... he blocked me, and things he didnt block me on, he would post stuff like "good riddance" and stuff that basically made out he didnt care and it was all me etc and that I meant nothing to him....... he would add all these girls and shared their photos with hearts etc....

Anyway like a few months later he literally tried to get in touch saying he was sorry and he missed me and thought about me everyday etc and couldnt get over me

I ignored him though and that was that

I guess this is just a bit of a sharing story, I hope it helps in some way????? Sorry if it doesnt though.......

yeah, the looking at what happened from an outsider's perspective is a really good method. makes things a lot clearer and easier to see. and yeah thanks for sharing your story, it makes me feel less alone <3

but yeah, im definitely scared of falling in love again. but i really hope that the next time it happens, im gonna be more mature and sensible and things will be clearer for me. i mean obviously that's gonna be the case cos i fell in love with B when i was 17 and even now things would be different. but the thought of being in a relationship any time soon makes me very anxious. i think my next serious relationship is gonna be in like 5 years from now. for now the vibe is celibacy all the way!

i wonder how i would feel if B reached out to me again. bc i know it's very stupid of me, but it makes me sad that he didn't try to get me back, you know? like he didn't fight for me. he tried a little bit and maybe i have high expectations, but it didn't feel like it was enough. a deep dark side of me wishes he suffered more. and don't get me wrong, he did suffer. i left him without a warning and i still feel terribly guilty about that. the night i left he stood outside my parents' balcony and shouted my name and thinking about that makes my skin crawl. i feel awful. but at the same time something about that was so satisfying bc it felt like he had finally acknowledged me and my feelings.

but idk. maybe im spiteful and vengeful. and sadistic. but i fantasise about him begging me on his knees to take him back and crying and sleeping by my front door and following me around like a puppy dog asking for forgiveness. the last time we saw each other and had sex i strangled him, wishing i could actually choke him to death. i wanted to see despair in his eyes and absolute submission to me. like finally, after all the suffering i had endured, finally i could have full control over him and make him mine. you know?

but he never fought for me. and from a sensible perspective, that's good. he accepted my rejection and left me alone. and that kind of things requires great discipline, so good for him i guess. im thankful for that. but from like a twisted toxic perspective, i wish he'd message me saying that he misses me.

[the-heaminator]

Ivan, Arthur, and ludwig have gay panic, Alfred sleeps.

1762 words, part of this fic

With a chuckle so awkward it physically pained Ludwig to hear, Arthur "Raised half the world and fucked more of it" Kirkland was awkward around him, of all people.

Something about the world's greatest hoe (Copyright France) being so awkward because he was sleeping with another man was incredibly funny to Ludwig, though he shouldn't be laughing, nor complaining, he could have gotten stuck with somebody much worse, for example, France.

While Ludwig contemplated by the door, hanging there awkwardly, Arthur rushed forward and placed his stuff down on what was apparently his side of the room.

Ah, so he picked the left side, the one by the window which left Ludwig with the right side of the room, closer to the bathroom. Some treacherous part of him thought, privately, that maybe they wouldn't have to be on separate sides of the bed...

Pls stop being like this brain

No

Why

BecauseI'm your brain dumbass I am you.

Right.

"Are you going to stand there like a lemon, or get a move on?"

Snapping Ludwig out of his mental argument against himself, he realised that he was still standing in the doorway, most likely looking very stupid while doing so.

"Sorry England."

Better to remain formal, ways better to remain formal in times like this where just a small slip up would most likely cause such large amounts of misunderstandings that it would be almost impossible to untangle.

Not like that would happen, surely not.

"It better not, I would not wish for some bastard like France to get the wrong idea."

Vaguely concerned but more intrigued "How could he manage to get the wrong idea from me standing in the doorway."

A laugh, not venomous or bitter, but fond came from inside the room "It's Francis, he can pull anything out of that well-sculpted ass."

Unfortunately, his mind had made up its mind that it would be as purposefully annoying and homosexual as possible and his mind very quickly got filled with images of Francis and his indeed well-sculpted ass.

"I would rather not think about that, but if I may ask, how are you and France on first name terms?"

He really did sound childish, but from what he had seen and by what everyone else had told him, England and France fought worse than cats and dogs, and it was a little hard to imagine them on first name terms.

Arthur smiled softly, recalling a memory from long ago, most likely much longer than Ludwig had been alive.

"It would be hard not to be on first name terms with a fucker who raised you for two hundred odd years, would it now?"

Germany did not know about this little nugget of information whatsoever, "Excuse me what?"

After gesturing for Germanny to sit down and "Close the bloody door," he started to talk, figuring that it being near a millennium ago now, it wouldn't be detrimental to tell someone of it.

Ludwig was painfully young, nations from the new world were often double or triple his age, and for Europe he was no more than a babe in arms, some or the older nations being easily well over 10 times his age, and it showed, Germany listening with rapt fascination to the rather dreary tales of France and his abysmal first attempt at raising a child.

Apparently according to most, he really didn't improve much with time and when it came to raising Canada apparently England was a better mentor, and with all the horror stories from many of the waifs that passed through the household, it raised questions on just how bad France was at this.

According to England they used to spar, being the early 1000s it made sense, and apparently England was better at it than France, so the fucker locked him in a room with minimal food and water, yet England still beat him, and poisoned him while they were at it.

Germany took this with a grain of salt the size of Russia because over time things become, let's just say rather embellished, and this was almost a millenia ago, so it was probably quite a bit fictitious.

After that story was over, and Germany counted at least 5 deaths in it, he suddenly asked "Was Gilbert a good parent?"

"I-I think he was, he looked after me whenever he could, teaching me almost everything I know, and the rest of the time I was usually with Switzerland or Austria-Hungary."

"You turned out pretty well in my opinion, so they seem to have done a good enough job."

For some unfathomable reason (really it was pretty easy to fathom just not to someone as utterly dense as he)  Germany blushed at this sentence.

"Plus you've always been well behaved, I wonder what that's got you?"

This would have been a pretty normal sentence if it wasn't for the fact that England has a very suggestive look on his face, a mischievous smile coupled with the raising of one of those impressive brows, which amongst other things, made his knees feel like jelly as he stood by the doorframe.

Germany immediately blushed furiously, indeed both the Italies did like the obedience, a lot. And Japan dressed him up in some rather interesting clothes, not like he minded and tied him up. That was a spiritual experience for both of them for sure, plus that fucking smile oh my g o d help.

An odd sound that sounded quite similar to a croak escaped that throat while he was beet red just thinking about those rather interesting experiences, his face at this point could be used as a stop sign with just how red it was, with his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"I'm just messing with you, come, sit down." Patting the bed because Germany was still standing in the doorway looking embarrased, and so he did, setting down his stuff and changing his stuffy work clothes into more casual clothes that were loose fitting but holy shit Arthur's brain went at it.

Wydhhshh GAY

STOP IT.

LOOK AT THE FUCKING HAIR ALL MESSED UP JUST LOOK AT IT

I AM AND YOURE MAKING IT WEIRD

I AM YOU

SHUT UP

NO.

After that nothing really happened, they sat down on their sides of the bed and took out their work, completing the stuff they needed to do together at breakneck speed until the sun started to set and Germany had to physically drag England to eat something because apparently three square meals are a must and eating half a sausage roll at 2 in the morning does not count as a square meal.

Both muting their phones due to a very excited Francis yelling at them over text to come to the bar after the meeting, as everyone would be there, neither really wanted to.

All in all it was pretty calm, both of then were having gay thoughts that could be palpably felt, sure, but they didn't manifest into anything much, dinner being a quiet affair in a small cafe down the road, where lots of tea and coffee were drunk and very good sandwiches eaten, there was aa small discussion on the proper baking of a black forest cake and the prior meeting, but otherwise it was a quiet evening for them both, getting back to their room and sleeping late into the night, both busy tapping away at laptops and sincerely hoping that they both do and do not end up spooning in the night

Meanwhile.

"Alfredka, that stupid piggy and I have to sleep with him!" Rather irritated Russian grumbling could be heard but vaguely deciphered, mainly because no one wanted to cross the cloud of doom and vague gayness that surrounded Ivan Braginsky, personification of Russia.

Jamming the lift button perhaps a little too hard to be necessary, he waited, for quite a while in fact, but the lift decided that today it had to service each and every floor above him, which left him to take the stairs.

He did not like stairs very much, especially as his room, their room, was on the seventh motherfucking floor, so huffing and puffing, he eventually made it up, flushed red in his usually porcelain like skin, and ready for murder slightly more than usual.

Opening their shared room, with a throatful of abuse just ready to hurl, but stopped immediately seeing the dumbass naked, and sprawled on the bed, sleeping like a baby, snoring loudly.

Holy fuck hes hot.

HE IS SLEEPING NAKED HOW IS THAT HOT AND HE HAS MAN BOOBIES

BITCH DONT QUESTION ME.

FINE.

Other than having gay panic, Ivan was also wondering how the fuck he had slept so fast, didn't he go up to his room not 10 minutes before him, the fuck?  And how in all things unholy did he manage to get buckass naked in the same time frame, and on top of that why the fuck had he chose to sleep buckass naked when he was sleeping with another dude?

But he was tired, and very warm, either from seeing Alfred buckass naked or from the blasted stairs, so taking off his clothes (not all of them he had an under shirt and boxers on, he had fucking standards) and slept,  until of course France called because he was a bastard and didn't like people sleeping.

Turns out that they had started to hug even though they'd been asleep for about half an hour.

Not mentioning the fact that he was buckass naked and hugging a dude, he picked up the phone, and oh joy it was a video call.

Frances eyebrows were in his hair seeing Alfred and Ivan both on call, one naked the other one not.

"That was quick non?"

Alarmed, as a teen would be, Alfred denied fucking in the way that makes you think that they definitely fucked, Ivan being a bit more reasonable said that they had both just fallen asleep.

After getting that altercation out of the way, Francis invited then to the bar, where a bunch of nations would be at, as his treat.

"Ok we will go, just dont start spreading any rumours, or your face will be unrecognisable."

Alfred gave a nervous chuckle, not exactly sure whether that was an exaggeration because knowing his family and the people he tended to be around, when that was said it occasionally was meant to be true.

"Jesus, Ok Ivan, I won't, I'll be waiting!"

[glow-stars-on-the-ceiling]