#Very tempted to quit. Very. To hell with the rewarding feeling that comes from successfully passing down knowledge

[bluethedream]

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[bellaslilpapercut]

Eclipse reread part 3 bewr bewr bewrrr! Covering the entire rest of the book in ONE post so buckle on in baybee: 

1. Absolutely everything about chapter 15 (wager) is disgusting. To a certain extent I appreciate how successfully meyer captures how frustrating assault is as a woman, how futile it feels to fight against it. But at the same time the way she handles the aftermath is unbelievably disappointing and infuriating. Charlie doesn't get up to help his own daughter, Jake trails after Bella into the house and sticks around, there's just no relief or reflection that feels satisfying. Bella can ask where the justice is when she finds out Jake isn't aging but just ignores Charlie defending her assailant? And to some extent I get it, I've shut down after assault before to the point where it took years to recognize that some of the things that happened even were assault. But when there's a pattern within the series of men being narratively rewarded for assault and abuse and women being punished for reacting to abuse it feels like the narrative is reinforcing the status quo of women<men. I'm not stupid, I understand when a book is trying to make me uncomfortable and I don't need villains to be punished to know that they're villainous. This doesn't come across that way at all. Meyers handling of misogynistic abuse and violence lack the nuance to make me believe that she sees this violence as something to be critical of rather than something that just happens to women. And again, because it's a pattern in her writing, women getting no reprieve from gendered harm, I don't believe she's making a statement. There's just no self awareness and that's the key difference between a story like Brave New World or Lolita and Twilight.

2. Also this quote that precedes the assault is just so so frustrating:

Bella is not mean for setting boundaries! She isn't stringing you along! I would love to hit meyer in the head with a rolled up newspaper. Anyway.

3. Bella keeps saying things like "this would be annoying if it weren't so scary" in regards to having her clothes stolen by vampires that want her dead and having to lie to people around her, again because dozens of vampires want her dead. And y'know after the third time she said she would be annoyed if she weren't scared I'm just left to believe she isn't scared at all. I don't feel rising tension, the newborn army feels like a minor nuisance and even after they connect it to victoria (who still hasn't shown up at all) I'm just like...okay well get on with it then! Meyer makes bella "shudder" (I'm still tempted to make a comp of every time she shudders in this fucking book lol) instead of showing us her actual fear. I don't believe she's scared, I don't care about the "threat," and I don't believe anything bad will happen to Bella. There are Literally No Stakes here. I'm not invested in this story at all.

4. Alice is a bad friend lmfao

Girl, you're psychic you know she wanted to wear red why are you just dressing her up for your brother.

5. Okay returning to point 3 because I read chapter 17 and had an epiphany: Bella says she isn't scared for herself and I get that I do. But smeyer also hasn't shown us that she's selfless- just that she doesn't care if she dies. If bella actually cared for her human friends, in any way, I would believe that the newborn army was a scary threat because the people she loves might get hurt. But I don't believe that she cares about that I only believe that she- like Edward- has a weird martyr complex.

6. The Mirror chapter also reinforces this. I can’t stop thinking about how much more impactful it would have been narratively if it had been Angela in Bree’s position (because she’s the only human friend Bella seems fond of but if Bella showed interest in any of the other humans, honestly any of them would do). Imagine the moment where the newborn vampire first lifts her head to look into Bella’s eyes and it’s someone she knows. Someone she cares for. There should have been consequences for Bella beyond “Jake got some bones broken and now I feel bad :(” which was also a shitty punishment because smeyer is inflicting physical trauma on an indigenous character just to make Bella feel bad. Okay. Anyway, it would have built the tension I was missing for- quite literally- over 300 pages of this book if Bella’s friends and classmates and Fork’s residents had been going missing the whole time. Suddenly, at the end of the battle, there’s Angela. Or Jess. Or Katie fucking Marshall. Someone Bella knew should have been there and maybe I would have cared about this book at all.

7. Going back in time to this quote which comes before the battle:

UGH!!! SHUT UP SMEYER! She literally poisoned Jake’s character from the moment she made him a main character and she has zero self reflection to see the damage that she’s causing here. I’ve said before that I don’t think Jake’s actions were a romantic deal breaker and that stands out now more than ever after reading Eclipse. THIS is the moment that Bella realizes she’s in love with Jake too. Smeyer not only sees abuse and aggression as romantic, she also lacks the braincells and reflection to see that she’s playing directly into racist stereotypes. Edward got to grow up- marginally- but Jake had to remain aggressive. I still don’t think she ever once meant to villify Jake- I think that there was no way in a hell a racist woman could ever successfully portray an indigenous character. His tenderness is tainted by the aggression she forces on his character and in the end he never had a chance because- again- he was being written by a racist woman with fucked up views of indigenous people.

8. Okay, I get it. They’re like Cathy and Heathcliff. Fine. I buy it.  

This isn’t even the last time she compares them to Cathy and Heathcliff. Kate Bush isn’t gonna write a song about you, meyer! Give it a rest! (Also lol at “like wuthering heights”)

9.  Jumping right to the end here because to be completely honest the only actual event in the entire book was the newborn battle. Jane was a bitch, fine. Edward talked at Victoria and bored her to death (presumably) and the action never felt very action heavy. I knew if from the “best friend (and werewolf)” line that this book was presumably written for idiots given how little is left to the imagination at any given time. I can’t stand when books treat the audience like dummies and I especially can’t handle YA books that do this. Teenagers aren’t stupid!! Young adults can pick up on subtlety in literature!! AND young adults can handle suspense and action. smeyer doesn’t do either well and the editors never once said “hey you know teens aren’t stupid right? like your audience will pick up on hints that you scatter you don’t have to forcefully explain everything?”  

10. Smeyer can’t stop interrupting herself even in the very last sentence of the book proper:

What, pray tell, is wrong with “Where it would stay for the rest of eternity.” Why did you have to sow doubt in the sentiment right after Bella made her For Real Final Decision???? And why the em-dash!? Again: the editors of the twilight saga are my nemeses but also my favorite conmen. What were they paid for?

11. Back to the editors real quick: if i was given a draft of eclipse I would instantly say: this story is almost 400 pages of nothing, you need to play with the structure of the story. You need to build suspense and if that means playing with POV like you randomly start doing in the epilogue, then do that. Or you can play with the plot. Nothing happens for 300 pages. It takes 300 pages to get to the newborn battle and nothing that happens before the newborn battle makes me feel worried about it. Again, kill off some humans, raise the stakes, do SOMETHING. This was so painfully slow to read because meyer tried to center this book on a love triangle that I didn’t even believe in myself. And even then, it took 14 chapters for the love triangle to get real action (as in an Event, not necessarily physical action). 

12. The epilogue. Oh man. Was the r-slur really so acceptable in 2007 that not one single editor questioned its use? I won’t type the quote in full but Jake refers to his fake arm sling as r-word. Like??? What? And THEN smeyer has him call Leah a “bitter harpy.” Shut up. 

In conclusion, nothing felt like a bigger waste of time than Eclipse. Genuinely, to be completely honest. Two (2) important things happened, at least in Bella’s narrative (I agree with Vinelle that the Volturi debacle was important from Carlisle’s perspective, it adds nothing to Bellas and Bella learns nothing important from it.): 1. Bella made a decision, she chose Edward. Who could have seen that coming? Whaaaat? 2. Rosalie told Bella her backstory. Not that Bella even used that to reflect on her decision to become a vampire but hey, at least it felt like an important moment. Jasper’s backstory only mattered for the newborn battle which didn’t matter at all (and it never informed his character and no one ever brings up that the confederacy was a terrible dark stain on US history (along with the rest of US history but that’s a full dissertation or two on its own)). I can’t imagine a way to improve this book as a standalone book. You could split up the plot (using that term loosely) so that New Moon and BD are both a little longer and BD a little more organized. But without completely changing the plot beats in Eclipse, its just pointless.

[furidojasutin]

Pairing: Luli (Lucy x Lisanna)

Universe: Canon

Rating: T

Summary: Lucy comes back exhausted and slightly exasperated after a mission. What she doesn’t know is that somebody is already waiting for her at home. Much fluff and pure girlfriends ahead!

a/n: Another commission for the always kind @gytech! Thank you so much for commissioning me again and being so patient, honestly ugh! ;www; I really hope you liked this, it was certainly nice getting to write them! <3

COMMISSION INFO.

Lucy loved her friends, she really did, and she wouldn't trade them for anything in the whole wide world. But sometimes they could be exhausting. Sometimes they could be exasperating. And still, as the celestial mage was walking down the street to her own apartment she knew that she wouldn't stay mad at them for long.

“Ugh...” Eyebrows furrowed Lucy crossed her hands over her chest. Her top and skirt weren't torn to shreds completely but she still didn't want to risk showing off anything she didn't intend to. The mission Team Natsu accepted had been dealt with successfully- though with a familiarly huge amount of destruction as well, one that could have been avoided. She knew they would have to pay for it, even if it was just with a part of the reward they'd received and nothing worse. Still, this was her money and her effort fading away! “These idiots...,” she sighed, gaze lowered as she kept walking. One ought to think that she was just to this kind of thing by now.

Until now she hadn't realized that she was shivering. The wind was cold as it kept brushing her bared skin and she wrapped her arms tighter around her body. “Well... it could have been worse, right?” She tried to soother herself with a half-hearted chuckle, the only thing keeping that positive spark right now being that she already saw her apartment that promised warmth and comfort and quiet.

It wasn't like she liked being alone. If anything she was thankful for every moment she could spend with her loved ones. However, after a day like this one some alone time could be a blessing.

Exhaling in relief once she was in indoors the blonde dropped her small bag before kicking off her brown boots. Lucy just wanted to reach for the light switch when suddenly she noticed the obvious; the lights were already turned on.

A bad feeling overcoming her she kept standing on the same spot for a couple of moments. Her mind was dizzy and all she could think of was how she was fearing that these lovable troublemakers of friends had gone and made themselves comfortable in her apartment again. “Oh please no...” She had no nerve for more ruckus right now but bracing herself for this very scenario to transpire she slowly went down her small hallway.

It was then that another surprise hit her.

“Oh no no no-”

Somebody was definitely in here but there was no mistaking that voice. Suddenly Lucy's brown eyes went wide and an important memory was brought to the surface. Right, she had given somebody a spare key and it was not Natsu or one of her other best friends. It was her girlfriend.

“Lisanna?” Heading towards where she thought she'd heard the take over mage's voice she heard soft cursing again. “Are you okay? I'm back!”

Admittedly, it sounded like whatever Lisanna was doing in her kitchen something wasn't going the way she wanted it to go. Lucy frowned softly and the moment she came to stand in the kitchen's door frame she was facing a hectic Lisanna trying to save a batch of cookies. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, hi Lu-!” The short-haired female looked back over her shoulder before her shoulders dropped and she placed the baking plate on the kitchen countertop. Briefly, she bit her bottom lip sheepishly and then turned around completely. “I'm glad you're back! I uh... I wanted to bake you cookies but I forgot the time.”

An immediate chuckle appeared on Lucy's face when she heard that. Lisanna was good at baking but her clumsiness got in her way more often than she liked for it to. Giggling, the celestial mage stepped closer and eyes the slightly too dark cookies.

“I figured that you would return from your mission soon so I prepared a few things.” Lisanna scratched her cheek and ended up mindlessly ogling Lucy's body- because of her torn clothes. She had figured that something like this would happen, too. She knew Natsu. She knew Lucy's team, and their friends.

“You did?” Lucy turned, blinking in surprise. Honestly, how could she forget that she'd invited her girlfriend home? And now she had prepared something for her return!

But Lisanna's eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically. “Yep! Come with me-” And the burnt cookies were almost forgotten already as she took her girlfriend's hand and gently dragged her with her.

The destination was the bathroom. “It's nothing special but I really wanted you to get some nice rest after the mission.” Lisanna smiled when she saw the curiosity in Lucy's brown eyes and then proceeded to open the door to her girlfriend's bathroom.

The room wasn't big but it was beautiful and comfortable in its own way. The celestial mage stepped in almost carefully and she immediately noticed the scent of aromatic candles in the air. Her favorite! She smiled giddily upon spotting the prepared bath with pink bubbles and there was a small pile of fresh clothes meant for her.

“I've also got some uh- Wait where did I place them...,” Lisanna mumbled and glanced around. “Ah- there they are! I got some magical healing salve for you as well if you need it.” She really just wanted to make her girlfriend feel good after working and relieve her of some work she would have done herself if she hadn't prepared it already.

“You're the best!” Lucy exhaled, a bright smile on her face. She had to correct one of her previous thoughts; some alone time after such a day could be a blessing but spending the time with her girlfriend and a hot bath was even better.

Multiple kisses spread all over Lisanna's face and a couple of minutes later the two women were sitting in the bathtub across from each other.

Lucy sighed as she sank deeper into the warm water, her eyes closed and her legs lovingly brushing Lisanna's. Her aching limbs and cold skin were no more and all the trouble could be forgotten for at least one evening and night before Master would probably talk to them about the mission.

Lisanna had quietly listened to her rambling about their friends, giving Lucy the one or other understanding smile every now and again. She may not have as much of a, more or less hidden, romantic streak as Lucy could have but she wanted to give her girlfriend as much happiness as possible and it wasn't like she didn't get something out of the bath, and the following small activities, as well.

They sat there for quite a while, the conversation becoming even more light-hearted as the minutes passed by and it was after Lisanna had playfully stuck her foot up and almost into Lucy's face that giggles and faint squeals could be heard in the bathroom.

“Stop! That's not fair!” The blonde laughed when Lis kept attacking her sides with her fingers, tickling the living hell out of her. Lucy couldn't stop laughing and Lisanna giggled happily.

“Surrender!”

“Never!”

That just motivated Lisanna to settle between her girlfriend's legs and struggle with her as Lucy tried to fend off these evil fingers. It didn't look all too good for her until suddenly Lisanna lost her balance and slid forward, giving a light squeak and landing with her face buried against Lucy's neck.

For that moment there was silence apart from the soft panting the two girls emitted and only till they ended up giggling quietly again.

It was impossible to stay in a bad mood with Lisanna around, Lucy thought fondly, and chuckled as she wrapped her arms around the white-haired female. Lis leaned into the embrace and nuzzled her neck, breathing out softly. They just enjoyed this silent proximity for a couple of heartbeats before Lisanna sneaked a gentle kiss on Lucy's neck and chuckled. “Wanna get out of the bath?”

“Hmmmm...,” Lucy hummed in consideration. The water had already begun to become colder and her skin was wrinkly enough to clearly see it. It was tempting to stay in here just for a few moments longer but then she nodded. “Okay.”

Lisanna withdrew and the two girls shared a chaste kiss before they both carefully stood up, took their towels and stepped out of the bath.

They helped each other drying their bodies, and Lisanna wasn't able to resist tickling her just one more time, before the take over mage got one of the salves she had brought and began to spread it on few bruises she found on Lucy's gorgeous body.

Honestly, she was never sure what word to use when describing her girlfriend. The crush had developed so abruptly, it had practically crashed in one moment, and Lucy was simply amazing beyond any words. She liked touching her skin, running her palms along it but she would also let her know that not only her looks were too good for this world.

Smiling to herself Lisanna only hummed when Lucy demanded her attention.

“Hey, Lis?” Her voice was quiet and she was mindlessly looking into the mirror before her. They were almost the same height so she couldn't see Lis' face completely as she was standing behind her and spreading the salve on her bruises considerately. Her blonde wet hair was wrapped up in a towel while Lisanna's short hair was just an adorable mess. Lucy smiled, silently enjoying this simple gesture of care with the faintest of blushes on her face. “Can we just cuddle afterwards?”

“You want to cuddle?” Lisanna stopped in her doing for a moment, then continued. “I think I'd like that,” she then beamed and finished salving up the last bruise. She understood that Lucy must be tired. She'd even have understood it if Lucy really just wanted to be on her own and maybe go to sleep though truth be told she hadn't expected her to want this at any time.

“If... you want you can still try a cookie, too,” she suggested with hesitation, still being a bit embarrassed about burning them slightly. She had everything under control until she forgot the time! “Or maybe tomorrow.”

Lucy just giggled and turned around. “Sure.”

They looked at each other, Lisanna with a soft blush on her cheeks. Lucy was really grateful for everything Lis had prepared just for her. It made her feel incredibly special. And it was true that her friends, her entire guild, made her feel really damn special as well and she didn't want to lose any of them. But what had developed between her and Lis... It was beautiful, making her feel giddy even now after being a couple for a few months. It had caught her by surprise and she would never have thought that Lisanna could probably feel the same for her but here they were now.

Instinctively Lucy then ended up leaning in. The kiss they shared this time was still chaste but longer-lasting. Their lips were connected for a few moments, moving together with utter gentleness. Lucy's towel loosened a little when Lisanna cupped the sides of her head carefully and their eyes were closed for as long as they were standing there like this.

“Thank you,” the celestial mage whispered and smiled against the other's lips. She gave a quiet chuckle before she withdrew and Lis shot her a soft, silly grin.

“You're welcome, really. Do you want to slip into some fresh clothes now?”

“Oh uh- yea!” She'd almost forgotten about that. For all she cared they could both stay naked and cuddle under a blanket. The garments Lisanna had picked were comfortable ones though and some of her favorites to wear at home. Casual and cuddly.

Once they both were done getting dressed and drying their hair just a little they headed back to the living room. Lis fetched a blanket for them both while Lucy was already making herself comfortable on her couch. She sighed happily and in utter relaxation after she had let herself flop down on the furniture and closed her eyes, feeling when Lisanna settled down next to her.

“Is there anything planned for tomorrow?” The take-over mage spread the blanket over them both and Lucy opened her eyes, grabbing the fabric and covering herself with it until only her head was sticking out.

Smiling she shook her head. “Nope. At least I don't think so. Natsu or one of the other would have mentioned something.”

“I think Mira-nee needs my help tomorrow but maybe we can do something afterwards,” Lisanna suggested and returned the smile.

“Mh-hm. That sounds great.” It was so easy to agree on this. Lucy knew Lis would stay overnight and they would have breakfast together before heading over to the guild. But today she refused to move one more time. “I think you'll have to carry me to bed later,” the blonde chuckled and then shifted, wanting to lie down.

Lisanna got the hint and shifted as well so they could both lie down together and cuddle properly. “We could just sleep here,” she giggled in return and snuggled up close.

Lucy gave a soft groan and wrapped one arm around her girlfriend, eyes fluttering shut. “Good enough for me.”

They both smiled although Lucy couldn't see Lisanna's with her eyes closed and it wasn't long until the celestial mage surrendered to the exhaustion tugging at her. The mix of relaxation, warmth and comfort made it even easier to doze off and Lisanna had felt it coming when Lucy's breathing became softer.

It was fine. Lisanna was happy like this, and even happier knowing that Lucy was at ease thanks to her help.

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

One of the most potent strategies for reaching a goal is to identify the obstacles ahead of time and to develop a plan to address each before they are encountered. We want to be optimistic, but we don’t want to be a naive optimist. The naive optimist ignores the obstacles in their way and believes that they will not confront any challenges while striving to accomplish their goal. The realistic optimist believes in their ability to accomplish their goal despite the obstacles in their way. They acknowledge and prepare for the obstacles which makes them much more likely to achieve their goal. We want to have faith in our ability to overcome obstacles, not naively believe we won’t encounter them.

Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break a resolution increases the chances that you will keep it.[i]When you are working on developing a daily discipline, ask yourself: “When am I most likely to be tempted to give in? What situation is most likely to get me sidetracked? What excuses will I give myself to procrastinate?” Once you have such a scenario mapped out in your mind, imagine yourself in that situation, what it will feel like, and what you might be thinking?  If we are struggling to form a habit, it shouldn’t be difficult to imagine what situations will cause us to slip off our path, because these situations must have occurred for us to be struggling with forming the habit now.If you enjoyed this article, please LIKE and SHARE. 

Why is imagining the situations that will cause us to fail such a useful tool for overcoming our willpower challenges? It’s because once we have identified them, we can anticipate them and develop a plan to either avoid the situation or mitigate the temptation. When you have a definite strategy in mind, imagine yourself doing it. Envision what it will feel like to succeed. The more you mentally rehearse your plan, the more likely you are to execute it successfully when the temptation confronts you.

While planning missions in the military, two things were drilled into us. The first was to keep our plans as simple as possible by avoiding unnecessary complexity. We were taught the acronym KISS, “Keep it simple, stupid.” Simple plans are easier to execute. Complexity is the enemy of execution. The second was to rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse. The simpler your plan is, and the more you rehearse it, the better you will execute your plan. Execution is critical. Plans do not produce results unless you execute them.

Gabriele Oettingen a clinical psychologist and author of Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, found that regardless of the goal, weight loss, obtaining a high-paying job after college, finding your soul mate, or recovering from hip replacement surgery, being a realistic optimist dramatically increases your odds of success. Realistic optimist recognizes the pitfalls that lay in front of them and develop a plan to address them. They don’t overestimate their ability to overcome challenges through willpower alone. They shape their environment and create if-then plans to shape their behavior. Realistic optimists have meals ready to eat in their freezer, they submit more job applications, they exercise more courage to meet potential romantic partners, and they create daily routines around rehabilitation exercises.[ii]

We must believe in ourselves, but one of the worst things we can do is underestimate the challenges we must overcome or overestimate our finite and fickle abilities to overcome them. Presuming that our willpower will always be adequate to the challenge of overcoming every temptation is folly. We need to recognize the challenges before we encounter them and develop a plan, based on proven strategies, to overcome those challenges. We should seek the advice of people that have done it.

Everyone struggles with procrastination, laziness, and overcoming distractions to make progress toward their goals. The bigger the goal, the more likely we are to be intimidated by it. The more likely we’ll be to procrastinate. When a reporter asked Earnest Hemmingway how he set about writing a novel, he replied, “First you defrost the refrigerator.” While I am no Hemmingway, the task of writing a book can seem overwhelming. To prevent the enormity of the task overwhelming me, I focus on writing the next paragraph or outlining the next chapter. A beautiful book about the joys, struggles, and rewards of writing is Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. She describes writing as a gritty endeavor that requires courage to overcome procrastination born out of perfectionism to produce that “shitty first draft.” She says, “Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend.”

Her book’s title reminds me to focus on taking that next small step to produce that shitty first draft. I remember the story of Anne Lamott’s brother for which the book is titled. She recounts the story in her book: “Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he’d had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, “Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.” Her father’s simple advice is something we can all use as a tool to stop procrastinating and take one small step, and then another.

It is a common mistake to think that our weaknesses are unique to us. They aren’t. Many of us wrongly believe that our weakness of willpower reveals a profound flaw in our character. It doesn’t. Frailties and imperfections are common. It is part of what it means to be human. They are so common that we marvel at and celebrate those that can overcome them. Weakness is a part of the human condition. We need to understand our limitations and develop effective strategies for coping with them. We all struggle with willpower, but most of us never seek a better understanding of it. The better we understand our human frailties, the better we can manage them to overcome our willpower challenges.

The only way to beat procrastination is to overcome the mental obstacles to starting. Marla Cilley, the creator of the 5-Minute Room Rescue, found an ingenious way to help us overcome procrastination. She suggests you commit to five minutes of work. For example, tell yourself, “All I am asking for is a five-minute commitment, after that we can stop.” Of course, after starting it is much easier to keep going. This same tactic can be applied to performing a workout when you just are not feeling it. Tell yourself, “let’s get changed, grab a cup of coffee, and warm-up for five minutes, and if we still are not feeling it, we can quit.” Once you get started, it is unlikely you won’t be able to finish the workout.

We have one brain but two minds. One mind is motivated by base instincts and strong emotions, the other is logic driven and focused on our long-term goals. Emotions are powerful. Overcoming them through sheer force of will is very taxing and can deplete our willpower reserves quickly, leaving us more vulnerable to the next temptation. Shrinking the commitment, by asking for only 5-minutes of work is a very effective strategy for overcoming our feelings. The more consistently we can overcome our emotions to do what is in line with our long-term goals the more successful we will be.

Consistency is the key to making progress. John Maxwell’s Power of Five provides a great example of the power of small persistent actions. He asks what would happen if you had a large tree on your property and you committed to taking five swings at it each day? The answer is always the same; the tree will eventually fall. It doesn’t matter how large the tree is. He has written over 70 successful books using the Power of Five. We are often intimidated by the large trees in our life, but if we just committed toward doing a little each day, instead of being overwhelmed by them we would achieve incredible results.

When it comes to writing, I subscribe to Steven King’s philosophy, “Don’t wait for the muse. As I’ve said, he’s a hardheaded guy who’s not susceptible to much creative fluttering. This isn’t the Ouija board or the spirit-world we’re talking about here, but just another job like laying pipe or driving long-haul trucks. Your job is to make sure the muse knows where you’re going to be every day from nine ’til noon or seven ’til three. If he does know, I assure you that sooner or later he’ll start showing up.” I keep showing up. The worst thing we could do is judge ourselves too harshly and believe our weakness of willpower reveals a unique flaw in our character instead of what it is, ordinary human frailty.

The three most important things to understand about willpower is: (1) we need to get adequate sleep each night to begin the day with the maximum amount of willpower (2) our willpower depletes as our day progresses, and (3) the more self-control we are forced to exercise, the faster the rate of depletion. Stress and fatigue are the enemies of willpower. If you wake-up each morning tired, you’re already starting the day at a willpower disadvantage. Most people need at least 7.5 to 8.5 hours of sleep each day. Since our willpower is greatest at the beginning of each day, that would be the best time to schedule the tasks that require the most willpower. You’ll also find you have a lot fewer interruptions in the morning. The last strategy and perhaps the most important is to avoid taxing our willpower unnecessarily. We want to shape our environment to promote positive habits and discourage negative ones.

I have made writing a daily a habit, so it doesn’t require much willpower anymore. It is just a part of my day. Most times I can block out distractions and my ideas flow. Sometimes I cannot, but I keep showing up, determined and excited to make whatever little bit of progress I can make each day with the time that I can set aside. I write in the early morning hours because the rest of my day is filled with personal and professional commitments. I know that if I keep plugging away, I will eventually complete this book and the other books I have already outlined. The key to finishing is to develop the habit of starting again each day. I don’t rely on willpower to write each day; I rely on my morning schedule. I don’t struggle with the decision. I look at the clock, and when it says 4:30 AM, my mind says it is time to write. Routines reap results because they don’t rely on willpower, that fickle friend that is never there for you when you need him. Disciplined habits are our best friends. “A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.” Anthony Trollope

The more we rely on willpower as our strategy for success, the less likely we are to achieve our goals. The problem with willpower is that it depletes as the day progresses and leaves us naked to temptation. It is more useful to shape our environment to reduce temptations and distractions than to rely on willpower and grit. When we overestimate our willpower, we unnecessarily expose ourselves to people, situations, and environments that will tempt us to break our resolutions. “Research shows that people who think they have the most willpower are actually the most likely to lose control when tempted. For example, smokers who are the most optimistic about their ability to resist temptation are the most likely to relapse four months later, and overoptimistic dieters are the least likely to lose weight. Why? They fail to predict when, where, and why they will give in. They expose themselves to more temptation,” Kelly McGonigal.

Ronald Amundsen

The 1909 race to the South Pole illustrates the necessity to identify the challenges ahead of you, learn from the success of those who have gone before you, and not to rely too heavily on grit and determination to push through whatever obstacles you encounter. Two teams took-up the challenge of being the first to reach the South Pole. One group was led by British Naval Officer Robert Scott and the other lead by Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen.

Amundsen gave his people the best possible equipment, and paced their journey to ensured he gave his men plenty of time to rest along the route. Scott’s team was ill-equipped. Inadequate clothes lead to frostbite, and poor goggles lead to snow blindness. Amundsen used dogs to haul their provisions, while Scott used untried motorized sleds which quickly failed, forcing his men to carry their provisions on sleds.

At the South Pole: Wilson (left), Scott, Oates (standing); Bowers and Evans (sitting)

Scott pushed on and ultimately made it to the South Pole, albeit one month behind Amundsen’s team. Tragically, no one on Scott’s team would survive the journey back, while Amundsen’s team returned with no severe maladies. There are many reasons for the radically different outcomes, but ultimately it was Scott’s overconfidence in the grit and resilience of his team that caused him to underestimate the difficulty of their journey. His dying words illustrate this point. “Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage of my companions which would have stirred the heart of every Englishman. These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale.”[iii]

I don’t want to diminish their courageous act of perseverance, but merely wish to point out that it could have been avoided. Scott could have given his team a better chance of success if he had better identify the challenges and better understood the limits of human endurance. This program offers tools to make your journey more manageable, but certainly not effortless. You will have to demonstrate some grit and willpower, but much less than if you didn’t use the proper strategies. The mistake I want us to avoid making is relying too heavily on willpower.

A plan that relies too heavily on willpower is doomed to failure. We are foolish to subject ourselves to temptation needlessly. Willpower is a fickle thing that often leaves us during our time of greatest need. As Shakespeare put it, “we are devils to ourselves, when we will tempt the frailty of our powers.”[iv] We shouldn’t tempt fate by relying on willpower when an effective strategy could reduce or eliminate the need for willpower. The proven strategies contained in this program will give you the greatest odds of success. Why make your journey any more difficult than it needs to be? The best use of our willpower is the implementation of strategies to reduce our need to exercise it.

The distance between our goals and where we are is the journey before us. When we choose to spend time with people that exhibit negative attitudes and behaviors, we are deciding to put rocks in our backpack. If we are trying to eat healthier but choose to stock our pantry with junk food, we are choosing to make our journey harder. We are consciously choosing to put pebbles in our shoes. Many people say they don’t want to deprive their kids, of what exactly I don’t know, a lifetime of sugar addiction? I believe desserts should be an occasional treat, not a daily indulgence.

These rocks and pebbles won’t produce an immediate failure, but they will make failure inevitable. The extra weight will slow your progress, and the pebbles will grind away at your resolve with each step you take; until you eventually give up. When your willpower finally gives out, you’ll blame it for your lack of success, instead of your decision to expose yourself to the temptations unnecessarily. You are going to need grit and willpower, just like Amundsen’s team surely did to successfully navigate the South Pole, but they combined it with the right tools and strategies.

Save your limited willpower for the temptations you cannot avoid, instead of putting more in your path. You are going to be tempted at the office to eat the donuts, cookies, and birthday cakes on a regular basis. Our supply of willpower can vary significantly from day to day depending on how stressful our day has been. This is especially true as the day wears on, and our ability to exert willpower is depleted to almost nothing. If we get adequate sleep each night, we begin the day with a willpower reservoir that is fully restored like your cellphone battery. The more we use it throughout the day, the quicker it depletes. Ever notice that most of our bad habits occur late at night?

That is because our willpower has evaporated and all we are left with is our desire to seek instant gratification and relief from our stressful day. Shaping your environment by eliminating the temptations you will encounter in the evening is the most effective strategy you can adopt. The next most effective technique is establishing an evening ritual that supports your goals. Habits conserve our willpower because they don’t require our conscious mind to decide what to do. The decision is made automatic through repetition. Our primitive mind encounters the cue and executes the routine automatically.

Change agents often find that what appears to be a people problem is a situation problem. Instead of taking on the difficult task of changing our behavior through willpower, we can often tweak our environment and make change happen painlessly. Instead of relying on workers following proper procedures, safety engineers install guards and controls to prevent workers from taking shortcuts that put themselves at risk. They do this because they know that it is easier to tweak the environment; rather than to force 100% compliance with proper procedure as workers become overconfident and complacent.

I hope you’ll decide to become an optimistic realist. I hope I have convinced you that we cannot ignore the challenges in front of us or imagine a future in which they won’t exist. We must develop a plan that relies less on willpower and more on structuring our environment to make good habits easier and bad habits more difficult. Our environment profoundly influences our behavior, so it is only logical that we would want to shape it to promote good habits and discourage bad ones.

A realistic optimist anticipates the challenges that are outside their control so they can develop and rehearse a simple plan to address them. If you are struggling to exercise five days a week consistently, I want you to first ask yourself “why am I NOT going to train five days this week?” Then I want you to develop a plan that will allow you to overcome the excuses. Optimism is an excellent source of motivation, but naïve optimism is a recipe for failure that ends in bitter disappointment. I want you to believe in yourself, but I want that believe to be based on the world as it is, and not based on the world as you would wish it to be. I want you to be a realistic optimist.

Best wishes and best health!

[i] Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It, Avery; Reprint edition (December 31, 2013)

[ii] Heidi Grant, Be an Optimist Without Being a Fool, Harvard Business Review, MAY 02, 2011

[iii] John C. Maxwell, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, HarperCollins Leadership; Revised & Updated edition (September 16, 2007)

[iv] William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida Translation, Act 4, Scene 4

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We want to be optimistic, but we don’t want to be a naive optimist. The naive optimist ignores the obstacles in their way and believes that they will not confront any challenges while striving to accomplish their goal. One of the most potent strategies for reaching a goal is to identify the obstacles ahead of time and to develop a plan to address each before they are encountered…